Britney found the red sausage dress she was wearing too confining and got one of the dancer/strippers at the club she was in to give her their bra and panties to dance around in. She was seen admiring herself in the mirror and getting up close and personal with one of the dancers at the club.

According to reliable In Touch magazine, Britney enjoys lesbian orgies with women, which she has denied is true. A friend of K-Fed’s claimed that she would take several women at a time into a room with her for naked romps or whatever. This doesn’t seem surprising to me, but she did scoff at a question of whether she kissed Madonna again and denied Jessica Simpson’s request to kiss her pregnant belly. I am not sure she’d be open to it, although there were rumors that she was sleeping with Paris Hilton during the few weeks they hung out.

In Touch was also calling Britney pregnant in their February 12 issue, so maybe that’s why she’s so willing to bare all to dispel those rumors, although it seems more likely that self-delusion and narcissism are to blame.

At some point over the weekend Britney was thought to have puked all over her car. I think these pictures are from Sunday and she puked on Saturday night or whatever, but it isn’t really that important.

Here’s the video from Extra, which includes K-Fed and Justin Timberlake’s brief meeting:

Pictures from Britney.cl.

Mick and Bianca Spawn - Jade Jagger – terrorized fellow first class passengers last week – who then gleefully got their own back by spilling bitchy details to Page Six:

Jade was escorted onto the plane as ‘a guest of Richard Branson’s.’ She looked as though she hadn’t combed her hair or showered in weeks and was with a fellow of the same bathing habits and a fat, unfortunate-looking woman.

Let’s all admit that the fat, unfortunate sidekick really got the worst of that commentary … one expects BoHo, rock spawn, Brits to be rather dirty and carefree. Not long ago in these very pages JJ was rumoured to enjoy a daily chilly chill Breakfast of spliff and champagne.

Sadly Virgin is not able to provide the calming effects of really First Class chronic and so Jade and companions apparently got more than a bit boisterous:

All proceeded to get drunk and loud and were falling down in the aisles, climbing over seats, pointing at people and talking about them aloud. They helped themselves to [alcoholic] bottles on the bar and generally disrupted the entire first-class section.

Dirty Jade and Jade’s Dirty Boy apparently snatched some of the wine off other passengers trays, made rude comments about the quality of the wine they quaffed and even indulged in a bit of undercover stewardess kicking. Still at the end of the day the harshest dig was reserved for the “fat, unfortunate-looking woman” FUfs we’ll call her … who even when sleeping couldn’t avoid giving grave, fat-based offense.

At one point, the captain even had to come out. Then the fat one falls asleep with butt crack exposed.

I suppose not even the authority of the captain’s reprimand can contain the cheeky horror of the FUfsy butt crack - which while not snatching wine or kicking the help simply sits there grimacing at one - adding insult to the already rampant injury. We hate FUfs and we hate her fufsy butt crack in all its porcine splendour - lying about like a sow waiting for its litter of piglets.

Jade’s London Rep Sara Forage (as in wee piglets foraging for mini-bar bottles of decent vintage) came up with the ballsy:

Jade has a fear of flying and often has a drink before she boards a flight to calm her down.

While she had fun with her traveling companions, she did not realize that her talking and laughing would cause offense and regrets causing any disruption of which, until now, she was completely unaware.

I take it back — that’s Sara Forage as in foraging through the British Hempire to score that quality Smoke that scores you that Early Onset Alzheimers buzz. Now that’s the kind of London Rep a Jagger needs.

The News of the World reports Red Prince Harry’s online romancing complete with secret nicknames, internet trends and getting’ buck nekkid

BESOTTED Prince Harry has confessed his love for Chelsy Davy – on a website used by millions.

The prince posts intimate messages on Facebook, a new MySpace-style social network, to keep in touch with Chelsy.

Harry, 22, uses the codename Spike Wells and calls Chelsy “Chicken.”

I can’t be the only one to note that it’s a very stripper spelling of the name “Chelsy.” Perhaps it went so thoroughly round the popular girls name cycle — that it popped back up in the British upperclass — I look forward to a slew of titled types: Lady Destineee, Baroness Peachez, or Lusshuss Marchioness of Queensbury. Perhaps the upper classes worldwide have become so undifferentiated from the trashy attractions of contemporary money and power that stripper names are all the rage.

The Facebook silliness continued when Harry was coming home from a London Club:

Harry got out his laptop and wrote on Facebook: “Spike is TAKING OFF ALL HIS CLOTHES, waiting for chicken!”

The lesson here kids … don’t drink and post.

On January 23, Harry joked about how depressed he was that Chelsy had gone to America. The Army 2nd lieutenant said: “Spike is contemplating hanging himself with a dental floss and a banana…just coz his fave person in the world has gone!”

Two days later at 4.58am he added: “Spike is finding it hard to get the dental floss to hold…and isn’t sure how he can involve the banana!”

Harry, I’m sure suggestions for banana use will now be flooding in from friendly readers worldwide.

It all somewhow brings to mind his Dad’s (well maybe his Dad) cringemaking messages to Camilla. The men in this family seem to have an odd notion of what props add to the romance. Bananas and floss still being preferable to tampons. Good dental hygiene and a diet well balanced in potassium is always gonna top Toxic Shock Syndrome.

The ginger Prince had an unusual moment of forethought … that, quite usually, changed nothing that he actually did

Harry admits opening his heart on the net may be a silly thing to do. After returning to Britain from a visit to Chelsy in November the prince confessed he was “madly in love with his girlfriend and knows he’s gonna regret saying that over facebook!!”

If the regrets kick in too hard we suggest he contact Jade Jagger’s London Rep Sara Forage … she’s got some smoke that will put the minger back in his ginger and erase any memory of how it all happened.

Picture below from Just Jared.

How is it possible that the European Union beat the USA to this one? Shouldn’t Budweiser, Coors, Miller, and Schlemeil, Schlamozzle Haffenereffer Incorporated have had a think tank working on this concept decades ago?

Somebody has dropped the ball … because when America ain’t leading the world in beer and big boobs … well that just ain’t a world I wanna live in.

Combining America’s two favorite pastimes — Breast Beer is the rage that’s sweeping the Euopean Union.

European men are flocking to Bulgaria to buy ‘breast-boosting beer’ after EU accession led to customs duties on the drink being abolished.

The millet-ale called Boza which is made from fermented wheat flour and yeast is being snapped up by bar owners, shopkeepers and shoppers from across Europe.

They are said to be keen for their wives and girlfriends to benefit from its reported ability to make women’s breasts grow.

And to think some folks were leery of letting poverty afflicted Bulgaria into the EU … I think there’s a lesson here for all of us … wealth can’t just be measured in cold hard cash … but cold frosty mug sizes and cup sizes too.

Perky cooking mistress Rachel Ray had a few too many at dinner with friends and was overheard talking smack about Oprah, Angelina Jolie, and Brad Pitt. TMZ asks if she’s “racial,” but I think they mean “racist” because you wouldn’t call a personal “racial,” but maybe they weren’t trying to sound so severe or whatever. Apparently she said that Oprah was wearing “slave drag” in a picture that she prominently displays of her as as a slave in Toni Morrison’s post civil war-era movie, Beloved, and said that Oprah “has problems being black.”

That doesn’t sound racist to me, it just sounds like drunk smack-talking. A lot of people have levied that same criticism against Oprah, so it’s not like Ray came up with it.

Ray also revealed that she’s team Aniston, and is said to have called Brad Pitt a “sissy boy” and Angelina Jolie a “”skanky, backdoor cunt.”

Of course her people deny this ever happened, and her companions at dinner say it’s not true, either.

I believe it. I mean, I don’t know much about this chick apart from the 2 minutes I sat and watched her cooking show before I got annoyed and flipped the channel. Vera at I’m Not Obsessed went to a taping of her new show, though, and said she got snippy with cameraman and swore on set. She said she’s not as chipper as you think.

Ray’s husband is rumored to have a weird foot fetish, and a woman recently sold her story to the Enquirer claiming that he paid her to spit on him and rub her feet on his chest.

Header image of Rachel Ray as a perky food chipmunk who will scratch you if you get too close from Gallery of the Absurd.

Lainey’s gossip has a blind item that sounds just like Tori Spelling. Lainey says that a wife-stealer in her second trimester of pregnancy has been drinking up a storm and that her husband doesn’t care:

I’ve never had a baby, nor do I intend to, and therefore don’t consider myself an expert, but even I know that it’s wrong to over-imbibe when you’re expecting. Then again, it’s also wrong to steal another woman’s husband so why hold our mother-to-be to such lofty standards of propriety? Besides, going by what I hear, she’s probably not smart enough to figure out that alcohol can actually harm your fetus - relief therefore that her empire of origin has been left in more reliable, if manipulative, hands.

Still… it’s really not the kind of gamble you want to f&ck around with. But as I said before, sound judgment is not her strong suit and well into her 2nd trimester, she was openly throwing back glass after glass of red wine. Over a 5 hour period, eyewitnesses report that it was refilled more times that would be considered “medically, socially, morally” acceptable. Even more interesting though: the person doing the replenishing was none other than the proud father and reigning junior master.

Word is he keeps her already vacuous mind as stimulated, or as de-stimulated, as possible, which may account for the common phrase heard among those who’ve met her and describe her behaviour: “She is always OUT OF IT”…so much so that he often has to accompany her to do her business.

After all, opportunistic love also extends to the loo.

Commentors on Oh No They Didn’t, where we found this story, note that it’s probably not Angelina because she doesn’t seem to be pregnant again and Lainey generally adores her and wouldn’t write something this nasty about her. It also sounds like Tori because she uses the term “opportunist love” to describe the husband.

Gwyneth Paltrow was seen out drinking twice in the late stages of her pregnancy with Moses, and Rachel Weisz said it was ok to drink while you’re pregnant as long as it’s in moderation. (She was directly questioned about it, and did not bring up the subject herself.) I was kind of shocked at these statements as I had my pregnancy in the states, where it’s a strict taboo to drink while pregnant and any kind of alcohol is considered a risk to the baby. Some of our European readers said that their obstetricians said it was ok in small doses.

If this is true there’s no way that it’s healthy to drink more than a glass of wine occasionally while pregnant, and Tori should be ashamed. Hopefully her baby will turn out ok anyway.

Tori is shown at the Winter Television Critics Association Press Tour. I’m Not Obsessed says she’s on a pregnancy pass, which can excuse bad fashion but certainly not drinking.

Britney Spears and her FedEx lookalike hookup, model/actor Isaac Cohen, stayed in a $40,000 a night two story Hugh Hefner Sky Villa while in Vegas over the weekend. Their digs featured a giant rotating bed, Jacuzzi pool and personal glass elevator.

Spears and Cohen hit a few gay bars in Vegas. Recent paparazzi photos suggest that Britney can’t handle her liquor and barfed all over Cohen after one of their constant nights out. Cohen claimed that the nasty stuff on his hand was from a broken jar of gourmet chunky peanut butter he had in his pocket, which seems like a plausible excuse considering how creative he would have to be to come up with it on his own.

Britney was seen out in a god-awful flyaway wig at a park with little Sean Preston and the new manny this weekend. Her other child, four month old Jayden James, has yet to be seen with her.

Header image from Mollygood. Pictures of Britney at the playground from FlyNet Online.

The story is that Lindsay really did go to the hospital to have her appendix removed, but bloodwork found abnormal levels of liver enzymes and low protein, suggesting her liver is suffering from all that vodka she consumes. The National Enquirer makes it out to be a grave situation, but Lindsay is young and if she dries out and starts living healthy she might be fine. It’s doubtful that will ever happen, though. She seems to have serious emotional problems that she might actually have to think about if she stopped drinking and stayed in for a few nights. She should learn to cope with life’s dissapointments by just watching television like the rest of us. She’s certainly got the shopping therapy down:

The ENQUIRER has uncovered the REAL story behind Lindsay’s recent emergency appendectomy on Jan. 4.

“The appendectomy was routine, but what doctors discovered in her blood work was not,” a source close to the actress told The ENQUIRER.

“Lindsay’s liver panel shows her drinking is taking a terrible toll on her health. Her liver enzymes are extremely elevated, and doctors warned her if she doesn’t quit boozing she could die!”

The high levels of two particular liver enzymes indicate that some of Lindsay’s liver cells are damaged and are leaking these enzymes into her blood.

In addition to the raised enzymes, the levels of protein in her liver were shockingly low — so low her doctors “couldn’t believe she was even walking around,” said an insider.

Lindsay needs an intervention, but that would mean she wouldn’t get her picture taken for the few weeks she spends out of the bars while she cleans up. What do you think she’ll miss more - the publicity or the booze?

Thanks to The Superficial for these pictures of Lindsay.

I watched this whole worthless video of Mariah Carey talking to these two teenaged high school students in Aspen. She talks about her rebellious younger brother and it seems like the whole rambling point of the conversation is to figure out where to get her brother some clothes as a gift. She tells them she stopped school in the eigth grade, but she was like, advanced, to get into eigth grade as a 12 year old. She also says she’ll record songs with their names in them, especially since one of the teens has the same name as her hairdresser.

They tell her where to go in town and she relates to them very well, which is quite a testament to her maturity. One guy name drops his girlfriend, probably to keep drunk Mariah in check.

In the middle of the video the guys are talking about themselves and Mariah abruptly changes the subject, asking a woman who’s either her friend or the help “How many websites does my dog have? My dog?”

“23 maybe,” the woman answers. She then talks about her dog losing an online poll to Miss Piggy or some shit.

One of the guys says he could win at those million dollar trivia gameshows because he knows all the answers, and Mariah is like “I don’t” and the guy says “you’re already rich,” but she says something about not being that rich. At the end she tries to convince one of the guys to give her his gloves.

Mariah is off the charts on that narcissism scale, and now I know she has yet to complete junior high.

Don’t waste your time. Mariah is tipsy talking to teens, that’s the basic idea.

Thanks to NinjaDude for finding this and Fark for linking it.

Depending on who you believe, Britney either passed out or fell asleep at a nightclub to welcome in 2007.

The Associated Press reports that Britney fell asleep at the hot Vegas nightclub, PURE. It has been reported that Brit passed out at Ceasars Palace’s PURE nightclub on New Year’s Eve. Britney was hired to host the New Year’s Eve festivities for the club.

I don’t know about you but I’m not sure I buy the “asleep” story. Here is a quote from her redneck manager as he denies the report that Brit collapsed.
“By about one o’clock, she was just done, so we took her out,” Spears’ manager, Larry Rudolph, told The Associated Press Monday. “She was not drunk. She was just tired and falling asleep.”

Am I the only one who thinks it’s weird that he uses the term “took her out”? I realize I am not a pop star but can’t sleepy pop divas walk?

Larry-the-manager is just one more reason Brit needs a real PR guru.

Pictures from BreatheHeavy.com