E! Online’s Ted Casablanca claimed in his column yesterday thatLance Armstrong is Matthew McConaughey’s sugar daddy and that he paid all the bills for their expensive Miami vacation. People and “Entertainment Tonight” were said to have been tipped off that the pair was in Miami and told to cover it like they were two buddies hanging out.

Lance is supposedly fed up with Matt’s spending at this point and that may have led Matt back into the arms of Jake Gyllenhaal.

Unless you spend like ten minutes trying to interpret his prose and thinking about what he’s trying to say, it’s really hard to figure it out. So I’ve cut a lot of it out and removed the ten stupid nicknames he used for the same people:

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Why doesn’t someone edit this man’s “awful” writing? Regardless that’s a juicy scoop if you can clean off all the syrup he’s poured over it.

It’s not news that Matt and Lance are said to be more than just sweaty workout buddies, but it is news that one of them paid for the whole vacation and that they had a private pool. It was probably just for all the hot women they brought back to the bungalow.

I’m not saying that Lance Armstrong and Matthew McConaughey are anything more than hot, sweaty friends who like to do sports together and hang out shirtless on beaches in Miami. Let’s just imagine that these two are actually lovers and make the bold move to come out, though. It would be difficult for them to admit, but they would be applauded for it, and “straight” men everywhere might see that it’s not so bad to switch to the other side. Hell if top actors and athletes can do it, it must not be that taboo. At first it would be a big scandal, but then everyone would say how brave they are to admit it.

This will never happen because it would jeopardize McConaughey’s career playing the hot sporty guy in every crappy romantic comedy. He’s even signed on to do a new one with Kate Hudson. They’re going to play a divorced couple looking for treasure in “Fool’s Gold.” Sounds fabulous:

In related news, Jake Gyllenhaal has been confirmed to play the role of Lance Armstrong in an upcoming biopic about the seven-time Tour de France winner’s life. Matt Damon was originally slated for the role:

I wonder how Gyllenhaal landed that role.

Here are Lance and Matt on the beach. Thanks to DListed for these pictures.

Matthew McConaughey was photographed drunk, high, or a bit of both on the fourth of July weekend in Costa Rica. This sort of contradicts a British report that showed Matt with a fat stomach and said he held an Independence Day party at his Malibu mansion. Both might be true and Matt may have been in Costa Rica on the weekend and back in time to throw the party on Tuesday. He doesn’t look fat, though:

We all know he loves to party and as long as he’s not pulling down Christmas trees or assaulting anyone it seems quite harmless.

Matt’s hangover must not have lasted long. He was biking in the Malibu hills with Lance Armstrong and Jake Gyllenhaal on Wednesday, July 5th.

Here is Matt on the weekend in question and riding his bike a few days later with Lance and Jake. [via]

Jake Gyllenhaal and his costar weak Heath Ledger won the MTV Movie award for “Best Kiss” for their on-screen guy on guy snog in “Brokeback Mountain.” Gyllenhaal joked during his acceptance speech that he told Ledger at the time that if they didn’t win the award it wouldn’t have been worth it. Gyllenhaal was a good sport and attended the ceremony, while Ledger stayed at home cowering from the paparrazi.

Gyllenhaal was recently linked with Natalie Portman after he was said to be dating an Olympic snowboarder. We just don’t see it happening – either one.

Ryan Phillippe and his powerful sperm are going to star in the Iraq War drama “Stop-Loss” headed by “Boys Don’t Cry” director Kimberly Pierce. Phillippe will play a soldier who refuses to return to Iraq after being called back to battle unfairly. This is a big opportunity for Phillippe and should help his faltering Hollywood career.

We needed a filmsy excuse to publish these pictures of Jake Gyllenhaal and Ryan Phillippe working out with the same trainer. If only they were high resolution and we could zoom in the pics of Phillippe wiping his sweaty face with the bottom of his shirt.

(We are totally ripping off The Bastardly’s favorite expression in that headline.)

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Jake Gyllenhaal was found working out with his friend and co-star in the “Day After Tomorrow,” actor Austin Nichols. His outdoor workout involved jogging, sprints, push-ups, pull-ups and situps. The two were not shy about running and doing floor exercises together.

Obviously Gyllenhaal is not thinking of getting back together with Kirsten Dunst for the sake of their dogs.

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Nine more pictures after the jump.

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We think Jake’s publicist leaked this story, but a friend of Jake Gyllenhaal and Kirsten Dunst says that joint ownership of two dogs they purchased during their relationship has caused them to consider reuniting:

This is a pretty speculative quote and the “pal” doesn’t sound so sure about it. It’s cute that Kristin and Jake both feel responsible for the pooches. Unlike Sienna Miller, they both must love their pets and take the time needed to care for them. Hillary Swank and Chad Lowe were said to have reunited because of their pets, but their relationship does not seem to have lasted judging from pictures of Swank hiding while out with another man. We don’t think two dogs are enough to bring Kirsten and Jake back together, either.

Here are pictures of Jake and Kristen taken recently. They both seem to run into friends while out.
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The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has produced and distributed an eight-minute how-to video for Oscar nominees. Ratings have declined over the years, and they want to maintain the ceremony’s momentum and not lose bored viewers:

They basically want people to keep it short, avoid lists, and be funny and interesting.

The most awkward Oscar acceptance I remember was Zellweger’s 2003 Best Actress speech. She came off as insecure as she thanked everyone, including the lackeys at her agency, for their help. This year, The Academy hopes to placate over-eager winners with a special section of their website where they can post thank you messages.

Here are presenters Jake Gyllenhaal and J.Lo preparing for tonight. Three more after the jump.

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