Don’t everyone shout “Kill it with fire!” at once. This is the delicate flower known as Courtney Love last night in London. Yeah… she’s definitely not on drugs, right?

So, anyway, who is crazier, Courtney Love or John Mayer? For my money, it’s definitely Courtney. I don’t consider Mayer crazy, I just think he’s a racist, entitled, smug douche. As it turns out, even batsh-t insane people like Courtney recognize those qualities in Mayer. She just around to reading Mayer’s Playboy interview – because Courntey is so timely, right? Next, she’ll weigh in about this whole Britney Spears shaving her head stuff. Anyway, instead of shunning him and dismissing Mayer, Courtney’s reaction was to tweet about how she wants to “hatef-ck” Mayer. Ugh. The imagery, I can’t get it out of my head. Oh, but that’s not it! Courtney also tweeted about her how her vadge is so strong (dry heave) that she could “snatch the cig off the table thai sex worker”. Jesus, Courtney. Now you’re making me feel for Mayer!

Courtney Love has finally read John Mayer’s Playboy interview in which he discusses sexual napalm Jessica Simpson and his white supremacist dick, and her reaction can be found on Twitter.

“do you ever feel like spite hate f-cking @johncmayer just to put hi in his place, hes a better guitarist than me but not better in bed !” Love tweeted. “but like say your f-cking @johncmayer totally throwing him around the room in bits and then you just BAM punch him in the face? good times”

Love took special issue with Mayer’s comments on his sex life with his famous girlfriends.

“ive said far stupider sh-t than @johncmayer about my alist bfs tho ive been discreet. but about rockers i spill the beans,” she continued.

Even though she feels Mayer deserves a good hate f-ck, Love says he’s not really her type.

“oh dudes Mayers a little bland for me and youngish ill do young, but hes neither Yale Harvard Oxford and hes not really rock, so not for me,” she wrote. And to a fan who asked her to clarify hate f-cking, she wrote, “hate f-cking is an art like ‘the pit’ meaning you rape each other and then beat the sh-t our of each other so u can feel sh-t.”

Although Mayer has resurfaced on Twitter after swearing to “quit the media game” two weeks ago, he has not addressed Love’s comments. If he ever takes Love up on her offer, he might experience another powerful vagina.

“my genealogist and my gynocplogist know i do my Kegals like a snatch the cig off the table thai sex worker,” Love tweeted later.

[From Huffington Post]

This is one of those days when I wonder why I even got up in the morning. Seriously, Courtney? You’re comparing your vadge to a Thai sex worker‘s? At least, that’s what I think she was doing. You never know with Courtney. Maybe she meant “bleragwytery vadge jufboliration John Mayer”. It probably made sense at the time.

I would pay to see Courtney punch Mayer in the face, though. That would be funny.

Courtney at the NME Awards in London on February 24, 2010. Credit: WENN.

CB already covered some of this a couple of hours ago, but there is some new stuff, so I find it worthy of a new post. It seems John Mayer’s epic Playboy interview is the centerpiece for three tabloid covers this week. And yet, all of the covers are about the two ex-girlfriends Mayer discussed at length, Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Aniston. The two women appear on the covers, not Mayer – I guess his dumb doucheface doesn’t sell covers.

Anyway, before I get into the excerpts from Star Magazine and Life & Style’s cover stories, I’d just like to point out one thing. It occurred to me while I was writing the two posts on Mayer’s Playboy interview (here and here) – that while it’s clear that Mayer didn’t really respect Jessica Simpson for her intellect or anything, most of what he said about her could be interpreted as a compliment. He said was “sexual napalm” and claiming that when he was with Jessica, he felt like “I want to quit my life and just f-cking snort you… If you charged me $10,000 to f-ck you, I would start selling all my sh-t just to keep f-cking you.”

Meanwhile, when he talked about Jennifer Aniston, he would say some nice stuff (“We just have a regard for each other’s feelings that is pretty intense”) but he also had some seriously bitchy asides regarding her age and priorities. He said stuff like: “The brunt of her success came before TMZ and Twitter. I think she’s still hoping it goes back to 1998. She saw my involvement in technology as courting distraction. And I always said, ‘These are the new rules.’… Have you ever loved somebody, loved her completely, but had to end the relationship for life reasons? In some ways I wish I could be with her. But I can’t change the fact that I need to be 32. I want to dance. I want to get on an airplane and be like a ninja. I want to be an explorer. I want to be like The Bourne Identity. I don’t want to pet dogs in the kitchen.” All in all, I would think that Aniston has a bigger claim to Mayer rage, but mostly the tabloids are focusing on Jessica. Here’s Life & Style’s take:

For a guy considered one of Hollywood’s biggest ladies’ men, John Mayer was certainly in gloomy spirits on Valentine’s Day, while on tour in Toronto to promote his album, Battle Studies. Though not surprising, as just four days earlier the singer was forced to issue a series of apologies expressing deep regret over an interview in the March issue of Playboy. But as bad as John may feel about the interview – where he discusses intimate details about his romances with exes Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Aniston – his apologies are too little, too late.

When talking about Jess, John showed the ultimate disrespect by bragging about their bedroom antics. A friend of Jessica’s confirms that the sex was, indeed, pretty wild. “Jessica told me she and John had amazing sex,” the friend tells Life & Style. “She said they did things she had never even thought of.” In fact, during a 2007 getaway to Italy, a hotel insider tells Life & Style, “Jon and Jessica’s suite was a mess.”

While neither Jess nor Jen has publicly responded to the interview, behind closed doors, an insider says, Jessica is furious.

“She feels like this came out of nowhere,” the insider tells Life & Style. “She had no idea he was going to be talking about her like this. It’s shocking. She thinks he’s lost his mind.”

And while she’s staying quiet for the time being, she’ll soon have plenty of opportunities to strike back.

“She’s going to be doing a lot of press for her new VH1 series, The Price of Beauty,” the insider says. “She knows she’ll be questioned about John again. If someone asks her about it, she will respond. That’s her revenge plan.”

[From Life & Style Magazine]

Oh, God. Can you just imagine Jessica on some revenge war path? That will be so, so ugly. Because she’s not the brightest bulb, and she’s only going to end up hurting herself. And it will probably be a head injury. And then she’ll fart. And it will be epic.

Anyway, CB already preview this, but here’s Star Magazine’s take on the Jessica/Jennifer revenge plan for Mayer:

It’s one thing to kiss and tell and it’s another to kiss and tell the world! In the March 1 issue of Star, on sale today, we report that Jennifer Aniston and Jessica Simpson are in complete shock over their ex John Mayer’s betrayal — spilling intimate revelations about their relationships — including sex secrets! — to Playboy. For both women, it was a devastatingly low blow — even coming from him!

Of Jessica, whom he dated from 2006 to 2007, John said she “is like crack cocaine to me. Sexually, it was crazy… It was like napalm, sexual napalm.” And he suggested that was all Jess ever was to him. “I really said, ‘I now make the choice to sleep with Jessica Simpson,” he bragged, while insisting that although she isn’t his type — or intellectual equal — he couldn’t resist seducing her.

“She’s angry and embarrassed,” a source close to her tells Star.

While Jess wasn’t his perfect match, his called his bond with Jen “pretty intense” — even now. “I’m very protective of Jen,” he said. “I love Jen so much that I’m now thinking about how bad I would feel if she read this and was like…‘I don’t want to be in your lineage of kiss-and-tells.’”

But that didn’t stop him from blabbing! He cheapened their connection by detailing for the public how he often fantasizes about his sexual exploits with past girlfriends and how he’s slept with “four or five” women since he split with Jen last year.

“Jen is taking this really personally,” a source tells Star. “She always stuck up for John when her friends cautioned her against him, but now she regrets it.”

Neither woman is taking John’s betrayal lightly! Pick up Star’s new issue today to read all the bedroom secrets John revealed and Jen and Jess’ feelings of humiliation. Plus: Their plan for revenge!

[From Star Magazine]

What I find particularly hilarious is that Jessica and Jennifer are only really mad (allegedly) because of what John said about them. If I had ever been dumb enough to date Mayer (and trust me, douches like that are a dime a dozen in my experience, and I’ve successfully avoided all of them), I would be the most ashamed that I had dated such a raging closet-case, racist, misogynistic psychopath. I mean, that’s what’s really embarrassing.

Life & Style Magazine and Star Magazine covers courtesy of CoverAwards.

This week’s OK! Magazine has an interesting twist on the ridiculous John Mayer interview from Playboy. Because covers with women usually sell better than covers with men, they’re focusing on how John Mayer “betrayed” Jessica Simpson by enthusing about how great their sex life was and how he was addicted to her like a drug. He also went on at length about how much he still cared for Jennifer Aniston and didn’t want her reading his comments on Simpson, but it was like a backhanded compliment meant to highlight the differences between the two women.

So far, Simpson has only maybe-referred to John’s interview with a brief tweet that read “interesting day so far…hmm…at least i am boxing 2-a-days [sic] this week.” (Is she boxing twice a day or 2 days?) According to OK! she’s annoyed that “John would sink so low,” but they’re probably just guessing. The way I imagine it, she laughed and shrugged her shoulders at the stupid sh*t that Jon said. She knows this guy well and she’s familiar with the level of crap he’s capable of spouting, even though she probably took it super seriously at the time. Plus, the story about how he was so addicted to her that he wanted to “snort” her was quickly eclipsed by the other, some say racist, quotes in his interview. Overall he really needs to keep some secrets for his therapist. Did it bother Jessica, though? OK! says so, although they probably should have gone with the angle that Jennifer Aniston was either mad or touched by Mayer’s interview. He did say “I love Jen so much” even though he also said she was hoping that technology would go back to 1998 at the height of her fame.

Jessica Simpson was stunned on Feb. 10 when she awoke to a flood of texts, e-mails and Tweets asking if she had seen ex-flame John Mayer’s Playboy interview. That would be the cringingly frank spill-all in which he likened her to “sexual napalm” and “crack cocaine.”

“Jessica was shocked,” a pal of the singer tells OK!. “She was really pissed off at first when she heard about it, then she read the whole interview, and the first thing that she said was, ‘I’m annoyed John would sink so low.’ ”

Facing a barrage of criticism, John, 32, expressed regret that night at a concert in Nashville. “I quit the media game,” he told the crowd at Sommet Center, voice choked with emotion. “I’m out. I’m done. I just want to play my guitar… I completey forgot about the people that I love and that love me.”

For more on Jessica and John’s show-down, and how she’ll confront him, pick up the new issue of OK! — on sale everywhere Thursday!

[From OK!]

I don’t believe all that. Maybe Simpson was mortified at Mayer’s quotes, but maybe she was secretly pleased too. He went on about how great their sex life was and while he mentioned Aniston he didn’t say much about their connection. Jess is learning to be her own person and she could be dating Billy Corgan, judging by recent rumors and some choice quotes in her Allure interview. She also said that she didn’t learn anything from her past relationships and that Mayer wasn’t the one who influenced her to become a brunette during their relationship. She’s so over the douche.

Star Magazine has a similar take on Mayer’s interview, except they double-down with both Jessica and Jen “stabbed in the heart” by the interview. They say that Simpson is “angry and embarrassed” while Aniston is “taking this really personally.” I don’t know. I would think both of these women would just be relieved to be rid of the ass, but I’m not having all my dirty laundry strung up in public so I can’t tell. Mayer manages to make all his ex girlfriends look bad just by opening his mouth. It almost doesn’t matter if he name drops them or not.

Covers courtesy of CoverAwards.

Popeater’s Rob Shuter is reporting that John Mayer won’t get a chance to issue a mea culpa on Oprah anytime soon. Shuter has a source who claims that Oprah wouldn’t give Mr. “David Duke” Dick a platform unless he’s ready to really admit he screwed up, and given the lame excuses we’ve heard from him I doubt that’s going to happen anytime soon. It’s unclear from this statement whether the source claims that Mayer actually approached Oprah (it doesn’t sound like it), if she’s explicitly said he’s not welcome, or if it’s just unlikely that the Mighty O would give him a platform since she’s such a friend to Mayer’s ex, Jennifer Aniston:

Whenever a celebrity does something stupid, they often end up begging for forgiveness on Oprah’s sofa — but not John Mayer. Apparently, he’s going to have to find someone else’s shoulder to cry on, because the talk show queen is refusing to have the attention-seeking singer on her set. Oh, Johnny-boy, you know you’ve done bad when Oprah won’t let you boost her show’s ratings!

“Oprah is the smartest person on TV and will not let John use her or her show to ask for forgiveness,” a TV insider tells me. “If John really wants to apologize for his racist and sexist comments, he should find somewhere else. The only way Oprah, who is a dear friend of Jennifer Aniston, would ever book him is if John were interested in having a much deeper conversation about race, women and fame.”

So, Mr. Mayer: Stop whining about being misunderstood and start thinking about the words you use — because it isn’t just Oprah who doesn’t want to listen to you anymore! And with your mouth, you should maybe consider Maury Povich or Jerry Springer before someone classy like Oprah.

[From Popeater]

Mayer hasn’t updated his Twitter much since the controversy over his really over-the-top, arguably racist Playboy interview. He apologized and then put up a couple more tweets, one with a link highlighting his charity work and another on a new digital music gadget from Toshiba. If Mayer has any kind of sense, and I doubt he does, he’ll stick to neutral posts on things he finds interesting or he’ll stop tweeting altogether. He just seems to get into trouble every time he opens his mouth or types a sentence.

Mayer e-mailed an apology to Holly Robinson Peele, who he name-dropped in the interview as an attractive African American woman, but she said it wasn’t enough and that she was “disgusted and offended” by his remarks. She initially was flattered, until she read the whole article and realized that he used the N word and compared his male part to a notorious white supremacist. She also said that “it’s time for him to really just drop the frat boy act” and “take responsibility for these hurtful comments.” Will Mayer reach out to leaders in the African American community in an attempt to 1. revamp his image and 2. maybe get some insight as to why he shouldn’t casually drop the N word and talk stupid sh*t about getting a “hood pass” and not dating black women? It would be a start.

Even though I think John Mayer is a racist, misogynistic, disgusting, closet-case, rancid douche for his out-of-control Playboy interview (Part 1 & Part 2), I have to admit, I’m enjoying the kind of creative headlines and coverage the situation has inspired. New York Magazine asked “Where Were You The Day You Learned John Mayer Has a Racist Penis?” and Pop Eater’s “John Mayer not a racist, just a guy who says stupid things”. Or perhaps HuffPo’s “John Mayer’s Penis Speaks! Hates On Black Women, Embraces White Power (VIDEO)”. But two of my favorites from today are Fox News’s “Has John Mayer’s ‘Hood Pass’ Been Revoked?” and People Magazine’s “John Mayer: Scared Tweetless?”. The basic gist of all of this hand-wringing is that A) Lots f people are still pissed at Mayer; B) Very few people were buying his “apology” and C) Mayer needs some big-time image rehab if he wants to get out of this.

John Mayer shocked fans this week in a controversial interview with Playboy magazine in which he used the N-word and likened his sexual desires to that of a white supremacist. But despite a quick apology and explanation via Twitter, followed by an onstage breakdown during a Nashville concert, it appears his self-proclaimed “hood pass” may have expired.

“Whenever you use the N-word, there are going to be serious consequences,” an A-list Hollywood record executive told Pop Tarts. “People come back all the time from inappropriate comments, but this is a serious problem that could possibly hurt record sales and his public perception if it keeps blowing up. Mayer should do some sensitivity training, which might be a good start in bouncing back from this.”

Prior to the incident, which coincides with Black History Month, Mayer was often penned as a crossover artist. Over the course of his career, he had worked with a range of black music moguls including Jay-Z, B.B King, Herbie Hancock, Nelly, NaS and was even one of the few artists featured in last year’s Michael Jackson Memorial Concert. But experts speculate that he may have quite a bit of crawling to do to get back in the industry’s good graces after using such degrading language.

“His comments were as offensive as you can get,” a label insider said. “Some African-American artists will definitely stand their ground and just write him off. Mayer’s comments are not only unacceptable, they’re illogical and totally irrational for somebody who is as smart as he is supposed to be.”

The National Organization for African-American women was also “outraged” by the interview.

“The NOAW is outraged by the recent degrading and irresponsible statements made by recording artist John Mayer. His statements in regards to African-American women were disgraceful,” a rep said in a statement. “The use of the ‘N’ word was particularly offensive and vile. His outlandish statements are a slap in the face to the multitude of African-American people who are his fans and who have purchased his music.”

Mayer’s comments have understandably drawn criticism from the hip-hop community, with several artists taking to their Twitter accounts to express their thoughts.

“My man John Mayer must love the taste of his own foot,” rapper Talib Kweli Tweeted, while Noreaga apparently wrote “Dear John Mayer, black women don’t like u cause ur a a–hole.”

However The Roots’ Questlove was a little more forgiving.

“hmmm. ill give mayer a benefit of the doubt (remember how people misinterpreted my photo?) and assume that was a punchline gone awry,” he Tweeted on Wednesday. “lol then again on 2nd read….can’t wait to see spin on this. i swear his #1 demographic is the white dude black women would do in a second.”

Meanwhile other high-profile regular Tweeters like Diddy, Kanye West and 50 Cent have so far stayed silent on the issue. Mayer (who averages around 6-10 Tweets per day) laid low on Thursday, presumably to allow the storm to blow over.

Columbia records, the label that represents Mayer, declined to comment on the issue.

But despite the intense backlash, there is still hope for Mayer’s image to recover.

“I believe a lot of black artists will forgive him, they will move on,” Tarts’ label source said. “If [Michael Richards, who played] Kramer from Seinfeld was in a movie tomorrow that got critical acclaim, was the hit at Sundance, or if he had been in Avatar, people would have moved on. They wouldn’t have said, ‘We aren’t going to see ‘Avatar’ because of him.’ That is not only my belief, but it’s my experience.”

[From Fox News Pop Tarts]

By the way, Mayer didn’t just use the n-word, he also used the f-g word. He said it casually, too, when he was referring to Perez Hilton. So, yeah. People are still pissed, and will continue to be pissed until Mayer comes up with a really great song or something. Probably not, though. My guess is that it won’t be a career-defining debacle like, say, Mel Gibson’s anti-Semitic/anti-Sugart-ts drunken rant while being arrested. But Mayer’s racist, misogynistic faux pax reinforces the image many of us already had of Mayer as a disgusting douche bag who will say or do anything to get attention.

John Mayer in LA on August 8, 2009 and June 14, 2009. Credit: WENN.

Yesterday, most of us spent the day gagging over John Mayer’s Playboy interview. Douchebag Supreme really outdid himself as he discussed how Jessica Simpson was like “sexual napalm” and how Jennifer Aniston was stuck in a 1998 fame-bubble. Other “highlights” included Mayer’s insistence that he had a “hood pass” even though “my d-ck is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a f-ckin’ David Duke c-ck. I’m going to start dating separately from my d-ck.” He also dropped the n-word and the “f-g” word casually. Later in the day, he apologized on Twitter – but only for using the n-word, not for any of the other rancid stuff he said.

So, Mayer had a performance in Nashville last night, and of course, he couldn’t just keep his head down and take his lumps. Instead, he tried to apologize again, but just ended up sounding like an even bigger jackass, in my opinion. He spoke about trying to “slither out of what I see as constant persecution” and said that “in the quest to be clever, I forgot about the people I love and that love me.” F-cking douche.

His Twitter mea culpa behind him, John Mayer asked a crowd of actual people on Thursday to forgive him for those race-tinged, hyper-sexual and wholly inappropriate comments made in a newly published Playboy interview. The blues-rock singer teared up as he spoke to fans in Nashville about descending into a “wormhole of selfishness” with his “quest to be clever” in the media. He said he’s “done” acting foolish and just wants to “play my guitar.”

Mayer’s interview went awry in so many ways, including a casual use of the N-word, graphic thoughts on his sex life with ex-girlfriend Jessica Simpson and perhaps most bizarrely, that his sexual member was a “white supremacist” and prevents him from having intimate relationships with black women.

At the concert Thursday night, Mayer said he had lost sight of what’s important to him: “the people that I love and the people that love me.”

“I went as I’ve begun to do, into a wormhole of selfishness and greed and arrogance,” he said, adding he’d begun “thinking that if I just continued to be witty and pull together the most fast phrases that I could, that I could be clever enough to buy myself another day without thinking that anybody had finally pinned me down and said, ‘you’re a creep.’”

Mayer said he “feels absolutely terrible” for hurting people with his comments. “It feels worse than any headline I thought I could get my way out of.”

He then changed the focus of his speech to his band, which includes many African-American musicians and singers, in an apparent attempt to defuse the scandal boiled up by his N-word use. His voice wavering with emotion, he said:

“I think it’s important to know that everybody on this stage is here not because they condone what I say in any given interview — and certainly not the interview that’s arisen today. They’re on this stage because they support myself as a possible future grown-up.”

“Maybe they see something that I haven’t looked at in a while. So maybe I need to take a break from trying to be clever and just spend a little time looking at what they see. Because they’ve done an unbelievable thing tonight just being on the stage tonight.”

Mayer then made it clear his intention going forward:

“I quit the media game. I’m out. I’m done,” he said. “I just want to play my guitar to whoever’s around.”

The “game” as he calls it is one he plays often, both on Twitter and in numerous interviews that tend to teeter on ridiculousness.

Just last week, the singer was quoted by the New York Post as saying, “When I get married that’s gonna be my vows, ‘Do you, John Mayer, take this woman to have and to hold, to wear her ass like headgear?’ Yes, I do — you’re the one whose ass I wanna wear like a hat for the rest of my life.”

In an interview with Rolling Stone in January, Mayer introduced his views on the kind of woman he’d settle down with. “You need to have them be able to go toe-to-toe with you intellectually. But don’t they also have to have a vagina you could pitch a tent on and just camp out on for, like, a weekend? The Joshua Tree of vaginas?”

[From PopEater]

Do you “forgive” him? Here’s the thing – I do think he’s genuinely sorry. Not for saying all of that bullsh-t, but he’s sorry that we didn’t “get” it. He’s sorry that he’s so “misunderstood”. He’s sorry that we’re not “smart enough” to acknowledge that we’re in the presence of a f-cking genius. But how long do you think he’s really going to “take a break from being clever”? I give it two weeks.

John Mayer performing in London on January 18, 2010. Credit: WENN.

You know what was rough? Getting through this morning’s Us Weekly piece on John Mayer, which was an assortment of quotes from his Playboy interview about two of the most famous women Mayer’s dated, Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Aniston. You know what sucks the big one? Having to read the whole f-cking interview in Playboy. Ugh. This douche… I have no words. Oh, and by the way – remember that whole “John Mayer is racist while he tries to do stand-up comedy” thing that most of you were like “oh, Kaiser, you’re being too sensitive, Asians love when you mangle their names on purpose and comment about how they ‘sound white’”. Well, suck it, because I was right, this guy is a f-cking racist with huge, enormous issues with race. Not to mention his issues with his own closeted homosexuality. The full Playboy piece is here, and these are some of the most disgusting highlights.

On whether he’s a douche bag: “I consider myself a good guy, with the best of intentions. Anybody who has been in a relationship with me would stand by the fact that I’ve never been callous. I’ve never been a bad boy. I may have taken someone through the wringer psychologically, but I’ve never been sinister.”

On whether masturbation is as good as sex: “Absolutely, because during sex, I’m just going to run a filmstrip. I’m still masturbating. That’s what you do when you’re 30, 31, 32. This is my problem now: Rather than meet somebody new, I would rather go home and replay the amazing experiences I’ve already had. What that explains is that I’m more comfortable in my imagination than I am in actual human discovery. The best days of my life are when I’ve dreamed about a sexual encounter with someone I’ve already been with. When that happens, I cannot lay off myself.”

On being half-Jewish: “People say, “Well, which side of your family is Jewish?” I say, “My dad’s.” And they always say it doesn’t count. But I will say I keep my pool at 92 degrees, so you do the math. I find myself relating to Judaism. One of my best friends is Jewish beyond all Jews—I went to my first Passover seder at his house—and I train in Krav Maga with a lot of Israelis.”

On the increased fame when he dated Jennifer Aniston: “I had a conversation about fame with Jen [Aniston] before we ever really stepped out in public. She said, “Do you understand what this entails?” Two weeks later I had people outside my house. I was smart enough to know it would probably make me a salable item for the paparazzi. I knew I’d have to move to a home that had a gate. But that pearl of possibility that lives in your heart when you meet somebody you want to know more about has such a different molecular density than everything else that you have to pursue it. And I wouldn’t undo it, man. Because if it had worked out, I would have reaped the benefits. I would be sitting here saying, “What I have when I go home is the thing I’ve always wanted.””

On letting Aniston listen to his new album, Battle Studies: “Look, there’s a level of honesty in that record that probably made her uncomfortable, but I couldn’t let that change the way I wrote songs. There were moments when she said, “What’s that line?” Like, “That’s not about me, is it?” While I was going out with her she was on the cover of GQ wearing nothing but a tie. These are occupational hazards. When she heard Battle Studies she just wanted to be able to say “I want to know that you hold me correctly in your heart.”

On his relationship with Aniston now: “We just have a regard for each other’s feelings that is pretty intense. It’s been a deep relationship, and it’s no longer taking place at all. Have you ever loved somebody, loved her completely, but had to end the relationship for life reasons?”

Why black people love Mayer & the “hood pass” : “My two biggest hits are “Your Body Is a Wonderland” and “Daughters.” If you think those songs are pandering, then you’ll think I’m a douche bag. It’s like I come on very strong. I am a very…I’m just very. V-E-R-Y. And if you can’t handle very, then I’m a douche bag. But I think the world needs a little very. That’s why black people love me…. Someone asked me the other day, “What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?” And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a nigger pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, “I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.’”

Mayer on “being black”: “What is being black? It’s making the most of your life, not taking a single moment for granted. Taking something that’s seen as a struggle and making it work for you, or you’ll die inside. Not to say that my struggle is like the collective struggle of black America. But maybe my struggle is similar to one black dude’s.”

On whether he dates black girls: “I don’t think I open myself to it. My d-ck is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a f-ckin’ David Duke c-ck. I’m going to start dating separately from my d-ck.”

Does Mayer still love Aniston? “Yes, always. I’ll always be sorry that it didn’t last. In some ways I wish I could be with her. But I can’t change the fact that I need to be 32. Parts of me aren’t 32. My ability to go deep with somebody is old soul. My ability to commit and be faithful is old soul. But 32 just comes roaring out of me at points when I don’t see it coming. I want to dance. I want to get on an airplane and be like a ninja. I want to be an explorer. I want to be like The Bourne Identity. I don’t want to pet dogs in the kitchen.”

On the gay rumors: “The only man I’ve kissed is Perez Hilton. It was New Year’s Eve and I decided to go out and destroy myself. I was dating Jessica at the time, and I remember seeing Perez Hilton flitting about this club and acting as though he had just invented homosexuality. All of a sudden I thought, I can outgay this guy right now. I grabbed him and gave him the dirtiest, tongue-iest kiss I have ever put on anybody—almost as if I hated fags. I don’t think my mouth was even touching when I was tongue kissing him, that’s how disgusting this kiss was. I’m a little ashamed. I think it lasted about half a minute. I really think it went on too long.”

And finally, this is what John Mayer wants from a relationship: “Here’s what I really want to do at 32: f-ck a girl and then, as she’s sleeping in bed, make breakfast for her. So she’s like, “What? You gave me five vaginal orgasms last night, and you’re making me a spinach omelet? You are the sh-t!” So she says, “I love this guy.” I say, “I love this girl loving me.” And then we have a problem. Because that entails instant relationship. I’m already playing house. And when I lose interest she’s going to say, “Why would you do that if you didn’t want to stick with me? [So why do I do it?] Because I want to show her I’m not like every other guy. Because I hate other men. When I’m f-cking you, I’m trying to f-ck every man who’s ever f-cked you, but in his ass, so you’ll say “No one’s ever done that to me in bed.”

[From Playboy]

Do I really have anything else to say? Not really. I will amend my opinion of Mayer though. He’s not just a rancid misogynistic douchey psychopath. He’s also a racist self-loathing closet-case and every woman who has ever slept with him should feel deeply ashamed.

UPDATE: Oh good. Us Weekly reports that now people who work on race relations on a daily basis are chiming in about Mayer being a f-cking douchebag.

UPDATE #2: John Mayer is now apologizing for using the n-word in the Playboy interview. It’s as if he thinks that one word was the only offensive thing in there. Anyway, Mayer tweeted (via Us Weekly): “Re: using the ‘N word’ in an interview: I am sorry that I used the word. And it’s such a shame that I did because the point I was trying to make was in the exact opposite spirit of the word itself. It was arrogant of me to think I could intellectualize using it, because I realize that there’s no intellectualizing a word that is so emotionally charged.” Mayer continued a few hours later: “I think it’s time to stop trying to be so raw in interviews…it’s gotten out of hand and I’ve created somewhat of a monster. I wanted to be a blues guitar player. And a singer. And a songwriter. Not a shock jock. I don’t have the stomach for it. Again, because I don’t want anyone to think I’m equivocating: I should have never said the word and I will never say it again.” Closet-case misogynist douchebaggy psychopath.

CB hates when I use acronyms, but OMFG. This interview excerpt (via Us Weekly) of John Mayer’s sit-down with Playboy is f-cking epic. This douchebag… well, there is not one single bone of him that is any way discreet. Mayer talks about how the sex with Jessica Simpson was “crazy” and “like sexual napalm” it was so good. Which, I gues we know now that Mayer is a boob man, right? I mean, when he’s not thinking about boys.

Mayer also discussed Jennifer Aniston, at first complimenting her, saying “That woman was the most communicative, sweetest, kindest person.” But then Mayer says something that I think might actually be right on the money. He’s talking about whether his Twittering broke them up, and while he denies that his excessive tweets played a role, he says “The brunt of her success came before TMZ and Twitter. I think she’s still hoping it goes back to 1998. She saw my involvement in technology as courting distraction. And I always said, ‘These are the new rules.’”

John Mayer is kissing and telling — again.

UsMagazine.com has an exclusive peek at Playboy’s March issue, where the singer, 32, dishes on everything from his past relationships with Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Aniston to his dream mate.

He dubs 29-year-old Simpson (whom he dated from 2006 to 2007) “a drug.”

“And drugs aren’t good for you if you do lots of them,” he says, adding, “Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me.”

“Sexually it was crazy. That’s all I’ll say,” he continues. “It was like napalm, sexual napalm. Did you ever say, ‘I want to quit my life and just f*****’ snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to f*** you, I would start selling all my s*** just to keep f****** you.’”

He didn’t share bedroom details about Aniston, who turns 41 Thursday. But he denied reports that he penned the tune “Heartbreak Warrior” about her. “That woman would never use heartbreak warfare,” he tells Playboy. “That woman was the most communicative, sweetest, kindest person.”

He also denied that Twitter obsession led to their split last year.

“There was a rumor that I’d been dumped because I was tweeting too much,” he says. “That wasn’t it, but that was a big difference. The brunt of her success came before TMZ and Twitter. I think she’s still hoping it goes back to 1998. She saw my involvement in technology as courting distraction. And I always said, ‘These are the new rules.’”

Oh, and how many women has he bedded since their break-up?

“I’m going to say four or five. No more,” he tells Playboy. “But even if I said 12, that’s a reasonable number. So is 15. Here’s the thing: I get less a** now than I did when I was in a local band. Because now I don’t like jumping through hoops.”

These says, he says he is hesitant to settle down.

“I hate being the heartbreaker. Hate it,” he says. “If I date somebody and it doesn’t work out, it’s another nightmare for me.”

Of course, any interview with Mayer would not be complete without an Us Weekly reference.

Asked about his future, he says, “From now on I’m just going to pretend that people really dig the s*** out of me. I’ve been trying to prove to people I’m not a douche bag by not dating, by keeping my name out of Us Weekly. That’s f***** up, man. I’m not dating. I’m not even f******. So now I’m going to experiment with ‘f*** you.’ In 2010 my goal is to get more mentions in Us Weekly than ever.”

You’re off to a good start, John!

[From Us Weekly]

Ugh. “I get less ass now than I did when I was in a local band. Because now I don’t like jumping through hoops.” Shut your douche mouth, jackass. You don’t like jumping through hoops? So, you mean, the ass is falling from the sky? You mean you might actually have to work for it a little? You mean you can’t just point to some girl and say “I’m going to get you pregnant”? F-cking misogynistic psychopath.

Mayer and Jennifer Aniston at the 2009 Oscars & Mayer in London on January 18, 2010. Credit: WENN.

My hatred for John Mayer grows by the day. After spending several weeks firmly in the “Are they dating? For real?” category, it looks like Taylor Swift and John Mayer are closer than ever to confirming. And by “confirming” I do mean “Mayer couldn’t be discreet if his life depended on it.” In Touch Weekly has an exclusive “source” who claims that not only are Mayer and Swift dating, but that this 32-year-old King of Douches is putting his dirty, douchey mitts on Taylor. They’ve “hooked up” and Taylor spent the night in Mayer’s hotel room. Son of a…!

While HollywoodLife.com is reporting that John Mayer is dating Taylor Swift, In Touch can exclusively reveal that John told a friend that he and Taylor hooked up when they were both in Nashville, Tenn., on January 24.

According to a source, the couple met up several times, in public and private, and were first seen getting cozy in a recording studio. “She was sitting on John’s lap, her arms were around him, and she was talking in his ear,” says the source. “They were acting like teenagers.”

That night, John, 32, and Taylor, 20, dined at the restaurant Cabana and were joined by friends afterward. The couple left alone and went back to The Hermitage Hotel, where they arrived in the loading dock to avoid being spotted and were escorted to John’s suite, the source claims. Both of their reps deny the story.

But the source claims, “Taylor spent the night and enjoyed mid-morning room service before leaving his suite the next day.”

Though the source says that Taylor “adores” John, it seems the womanizer is up to his old ways, involving yet another starlet in boosting his career. When asked by a friend how his night with Taylor went, John laughed, and boasted, “How do you think it went?”

[From In Touch Weekly]

I totally believe this happened. I think Swifty is a sweet girl with horrible taste in men. And, you know, she’s 20 years old and she’s been living in her girlish fame bubble for several years, and perhaps that’s why she thinks John Mayer is “cool” or “hot” or “not King of the Douches”. I really hoped Swifty had a better head on her shoulders and would be able to see through Mayer’s bullsh-t, but I don’t think so.

Would you like further confirmation of their relationship? The National Enquirer reports that Swifty’s mom is trying to pry her away from Mayer. Good luck with that, mom. Seriously:

Taylor’s mom Andrea made her disapproval of John Mayer clear, say sources.

“Andres pulled John aside and told him point blank to back off,” and insider says. “She said a friendship was fine, but there was no way he’d get close enough to Taylor to break her heart if she had anything to say about it.”

Andrea is concerned about Mayer’s reputation as a partier, womanizer, and pot smoker. But despite her concerns, Mayer and Swift continue to go on dates in Los Angeles and Nashville. It was at the Crossroads taping in Nashville that Andrea pulled Mayer aside again.

“Right after John performed Andrea pulled him aside and basically told him to keep his hands off her daughter… she’s all for music collaborations, but she couldn’t get past his baggage.”

And according to the source, John didn’t put up a fight.

“All John could do was to offer Andrea a compliment on raising a lovely daughter… he said he understood completely, and it was his honor enough to call Taylor his friend.”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, February 15, 2010]

Of course Mayer “didn’t put up a fight”. He either A) Had already slept with Taylor and gotten what he wanted and was preparing to dump her or B) was fully prepared to pay lip service to Taylor’s mom, then go to Taylor and use her mother’s words to create the image of a man who just can’t keep away from the woman he loves, no matter what anyone says. My opinion: Mayer is a manipulative psychopath. Mama Swifty needs to lock up Taylor until she comes to her senses.

This actually isn’t much of a story, it’s just a collection of some of John Mayer’s douchey quotes over the past week. It’s been a spectacular week for douche-baggery, though, and Mayer is King of Oh-God-Just-Kill-Me’s. Anyway, first up: Mayer’s much-hyped appearance on VH1 Storytellers. Unfortunately, this isn’t a story about Keith Urban telling Mayer to suck it, or a story about Taylor Swift coming to her senses and realizing that she (nay, every woman) could do much, much better than John Mayer. Apparently, when Mayer was introducing his song “Daughters”, Mayer told the audience that he was “done dating girls with daddy issues.” I thought daddy issues and girls with low self-esteem were Mayer’s dating bread-and-butter?

Next up, John Mayer was upset that his brilliant piece of comedic line-delivery in Rolling Stone wasn’t noted everywhere. Apparently, Mayer saying that he was “looking for the Joshua Tree of vaginas” didn’t make CNN’s top story, so he decided to ruminate on why that was. Mayer’s verdict? It’s because he’s single, and thus, people don’t care about his brilliant comedic delivery regarding: Joshua trees, vaginas, et al. So Mayer went even further:

Just when you thought John Mayer couldn’t say anything weirder than, “I’m looking for the Joshua Tree of vaginas,” he launches into a random rant about the depravity of his texting. “I write a lot of dirty text messages to girls,” he revealed to the Independent Newspaper.

But John Mayer believes the reason these nuggets of naughty never make it into the hands of John Q. Public is because he’s single, so no tabloids are interested the story. “If a girl brought a dirty text message from me to the newspapers, they’d say ‘I don’t have an angle here. Someone wants to wear your ass like a hat? Big deal.’”

Yes, let’s review John Mayer’s desire today: he wants to wear your ass like a hat. But not forever — unless you happen to marry him.

“When I get married that’s gonna be my vows, ‘Do you, John Mayer, take this woman to have and to hold, to wear her ass like headgear?’ Yes, I do — you’re the one whose ass I wanna wear like a hat for the rest of my life.”

So as it just turns out, “Your Body Is A Wonderland” was less of an ode to the nooks and crannies of J. Love’s physique, and more of an accessory exploration piece.

[From The New York Post]

The line “I want to wear your ass like a hat” just needs to be said by the right man for it to be a good line. When Mayer says it, I feel like he’s two seconds away from crushing a Roofie in my beverage. If Clive Owen said it, my panties would already be on the ground.

Lastly, we have Mayer pontificating on sell-outs. Takes one to know one? Nay! Mayer seems to be hitting certain celebrities who brand their own perfume. Hm… what does Mayer have against Beyonce, Sarah Jessica Parker and Kim “Farty Arctic Bird” Kardashian? He doesn’t really. I think his qualm is that no one markets perfume or cologne that smells real. Authentic, you know? Like, deep. And hilarious. Mayer says: “I’ve always just been stupidly curious about stuff; I’m not diversifying in terms of selling anything. I’m not selling ‘John Mayer: the cologne’. If I did it would just smell like sausage and sleep. I don’t look at my fans and think, ‘Wow, they really like what I do musically. Imagine if I could get 60 more dollars out of them!’ Who out there really goes, ‘You know what, I just f**king love perfumes. I always have since I was a kid. If I weren’t a pop singer, I’d be a perfumier…’ (sic)? At some point I may turn into an a**hole, but right now I just peddle a CD for 15 dollars every two years.” Oh my God, sausage and sleep! He’s so deep!

John Mayer performing in England on January 18, 2010. Credit: WENN.