The last time I saw Halle Berry and Olivier Martinez together, it was a month and a half ago and she was trotting him out, hostage style, for the first paparazzi-friendly outing they had done in a few months. Since that mid-June outing, I’ve seen photos of Olivier spending quality time with Nahla, but not Halle. Looks like he agreed to another outing, though, this time with Halle, Nahla and a woman I think (?) is Halle’s mom. So, what does this all mean?

Even though Halle continues to prove me wrong by continuing to do these outings with Olivier, I’m still unconvinced as to their “love match”. I think for Olivier, the sex was good and he grew to care about Halle and Nahla both, but as the months went on, Halle’s full-on cray-cray revealed itself and Olivier is just sticking with Halle through their film’s promotion. And this film, Dark Tide, still doesn’t have a release date! Poor Olivier. He’s going to be stuck with Crazy for months!

By the way, the (budget) trailer for Dark Tide was finally released.

Eh. It looks… not good.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Well, I was wrong. My sixth sense failed me. Or did it? DUN-DUN-DUN. A few days ago, I got a spooky feeling that Halle Berry and Olivier Martinez were dunzo. They hadn’t been pap’d together for nearly more than a month. Well, Olivier hadn’t been seen at all for more than a month, and I thought he might have bolted, or he could have been shackled in Halle’s dungeon (you never know). But Halle and Olivier stepped out yesterday, looking… er, not exactly happy. In some of these photos, I swear Olivier is being led, hostage-style, at gunpoint. So I’ll admit that I wrong, but I’ll also take credit for this perp-walk. Perhaps Halle figured it was time to do a photo op and her crazy ass demanded that Olivier walk with her in front of cameras. OR ELSE.

What does this mean? Perhaps it’s like Halle said to Gabriel Aubry, in a conversation he allegedly, secretly recorded – Halle views this relationship as “business”. She and Olivier are “together” for as long as it takes to get their film Dark Tide out and promoted, and then they’ll not-so-quietly split and suddenly we’ll hear from Team Halle about how Olivier is a terrible, racist, abusive monster?

All I know is that this doesn’t really look like a couple in love. Oh, and Halle’s hair is much too short. I don’t like this new haircut.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Halle Berry did an interview with Extra to help publicize her work with the Jenesse center for abused and battered women and children. (Video above and here.) Halle looked really hot in a lot cut fuschia dress that she wore to a fundraiser for the center over the weekend. Her face was impossibly smooth and glowing. If I could get some injectables, laser resurfacing and Botox and look as supernaturally perfect as Halle I would do it in a heartbeat. I’d probably get the dermatologist who ended up making me look like Jill Zarin, though. Maybe it’s genetics plus injectables though, like some people look more normal after getting work done.

Halle told Terri Seymour about how she helped set up a special room with clothing, art and educational materials at the shelter called “Nahla’s world.” She said that there’s a stigma associated with staying at a shelter but that she wanted to create something aspirational for the women there. Terri asked about Halle’s boyfriend, Oliver Martinez, who went to the fundraising event to support her. Halle got kind of excited and said “he is really proud and you know, he’s inspired. He’s got his own ideas of how he can get involved in the center and help the boys… be sort of a male figure.”

Terri said it’s been a year since she saw Halle at the last fundraiser and asked her what her year has been like. She answered. “It’s been a year full of challenges, but every year seems challenging in one way or another.” As for whether custody is going well she said “It is, and you know what, that’s a relief. When there’s a child involved, it’s a relief when you can resolve things in a good way. Our issues were never about fighting for her, you know? We know that a child needs both parents but I think what I want to say about it is that sometimes as a couple you reach an impasse. We need a court and a judge to help us work out some of the delicate issues, and I’m so happy we’ve arrived at that place… because for her sake, this is the best way. So we’re good… It’s a huge relief, because we both love her more than life.”

Halle talks a good game and you could tell she was being careful about how she phrased things. Extra! reports that this is the first time she’s spoken publicly about her custody battle, and I could have sworn that wasn’t the case. Only Halle has just leaked stories to the press in the past to try and make Gabriel out to be the bad guy. When she finally deigns to talk publicly, she couches everything in vague concepts like she was just an average mom getting a divorce who didn’t exploit her daughter’s normal emotions about her parents splitting up in order to try and malign her ex. She probably feels like she handled it all normally too, because the end result is that she’s reached a peaceful agreement with Gabriel. Rumor has it that he had some real dirt on her and that’s why she was so willing to play nice.

We’ve already heard various tabloid reports about Halle Berry and Olivier Martinez’s relationship straining under the weight of Halle and Gabriel Aubry’s no-longer-balls-out custody battle, not to mention reports of Halle wanting Olivier to be Nahla’s new “daddy”. I remarked during the height of the back and forth between Halle and Gabe that Olivier was probably taking a good, hard look at the woman he was in a relationship with, and examining how she was treating her last love. Of course, men are dumb when they’re screwing a beautiful (crazy) woman, so Olivier hasn’t packed his bags yet. Now In Touch Weekly reports that while Halle and Olivier are still together, they are having issues, and they’ve already gone into therapy.

Halle Berry’s custody battle with her ex Gabriel Aubry is affecting her romance with Olivier Martinez. According to a source, Halle and Olivier are struggling to stay together now that Halle’s in a nasty fight for custody of her daughter, Nahla.

“All of the drama hasn’t helped the relationship,” the source said.

Halle and Olivier were both at the Women In Film pre-oScar cocktail party in LA on February 25.

“He was sitting two couches away, but I never saw them touch or talk or even look at each other once,” a witness says.

According to another source, the couple has consulted a therapist, but a friend says, “They are just fine.”

[From In Touch Weekly, print edition]

Here’s the thing: while I’ll believe pretty much any and every crazy story about Halle at this point, Olivier is a blank slate. He comes across as kind of dumb, but he also comes across like he’s down with some hustling, meaning that he knows how to survive and thrive, to a certain extent. If you made me wager money on it, I’d say that Olivier and Halle are together for now, but that Olivier is seriously considering his exit strategies. I also think that Halle and Olivier are both such professionals that they wouldn’t “officially” breakup until they promoting that movie Dark Tide they did together – which doesn’t have a release date as of yet, but will hopefully come out by the end of the year (or whenever Olivier starts blinking out “SOS” when he’s being pap’d).

Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.

An Open Letter to Olivier Martinez:

Look, dude. I get it. Halle Berry is hot. She’s beautiful and sexy and her body kicks ass. She’s also crazy. We know this. And I know guys always say crazy chicks are amazing in bed, but at some point, don’t you hit the wall, sexually?

Now, I know you’re not the brightest bulb. But I gave you credit for being smart enough to get out. Some tabloids even had you seriously reconsidering this whole relationship in the wake of this messy, tacky, and tragic custody battle with Gabriel Aubry. I hoped you are already on your way back to France. But no – here you are out with Halle last night. She took you to some pre-Oscar event, and she smiled smugly while you drove her away.

While you may know much more than I will ever know about crazy chicks and how they’re good in bed, here’s something I know: you can tell a lot about a person by how they treat their exes. You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat the father or mother of their children. And you can always go back to the cardinal rule of everything: if someone is trying this hard to convince you of something, you know the opposite is true.

Maybe you’re just sticking around through the awards season. God knows, you could probably use a leg up with some casting directors and producers, and Halle provides an entrance into that part of Hollywood that you weren’t getting before. Are you just screwing her for your career? Are you just holding on so it doesn’t look so obvious that you’re dumping her for being crazy? Are you just holding off because you know The Wrath of Halle will descend and suddenly you’ll find yourself, post-split, being called a racist and an abusive a–hole? Or are you in love? Ugh. I’m so disappointed in you.

Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.

Here are new photos of Halle Berry at last night’s premiere of Frankie & Alice, that dumb-looking movie where Halle plays a chick with split personalities – on a be-afro’d cage dancer, the other a old Southern lady who wedding crashes. You can see the trailer here – it looks rough. Rough as in “Halle could do so much better.” Anyway, last night Halle didn’t go for some goddess gown or simple strapless cocktail dress. Instead, she went for this Balmain monstrosity. It’s a brocade suit – and the fabric is super-shiny black and gold. This looks like a shower curtain from a 1970s blaxploitation film. Something nice: beyond the fabric, I really like the cut of the pants. You can tell that Halle actually put some thought into this hideous suit, and that she probably got it tailored.

Halle brought along her French lover too – Olivier Martinez walked the red carpet solo. They’ve been together since at least the end of August, which means they just hit their three month mark. They both look tired and happy – endless French sex can do that. Olivier looks kind of worn down, right? Halle must be a demanding lover.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

This is interesting gossip! Back in May, we found out the an up-and-coming actress named Elsa Pataky left her boyfriend Adrien Brody for Olivier Martinez. This was interesting for several reasons, one of which is that Adrien had been so in love with Elsa, he bought her a castle and they posed for cheese-tastic pictures together in the castle, which just goes to show you: never buy a castle for your girlfriend. Anyway, Elsa got loved up with Olivier in a hurry, and all indications are that they are still together.

Don’t tell that to Cameron Diaz, though! Cameron and Olivier have been working together on Knight and Day, the film that Cameron is doing with Tom Cruise and his wedges. I didn’t know Olivier had a part in it, but apparently he does, and apparently he’s also caught the eye of Cameron. She sees something she likes in that rat face!

Cameron Diaz is having the time of her life while shooting Knight and Day in Spain – and it’s all because of her costar, Olivier Martinez. They first met in 2003, when Cameron was considering the Angelina Jolie-role in Taking Lives, “and she’s had a major crush on him ever since,” says a source.

“She thinks he’s incredibly hot!”

So when he arrived on the Seville set in November, Cameron wasn’t shy about asking Olviier to grab a drink with her, the source adds.

“She jumped at the chance to bond with him.” The only problem? Olivier’s on-again/off-again relationship with Elsa Pataky.

“Olivier hasn’t told anyone where that stands,” the source adds. “Cameron doesn’t know anything about Elsa, and no one has the heart to tell her he might actually be taken.”

[From Star Magazine, print edition, December 28, 2009]

Hm… something tells me that if Olivier is really interested in Cameron, Elsa is already gone. I don’t think Olivier is the type to think “I made Elsa leave a man who bought her a castle, so I must stay with her, even if Cameron is all up on my grill.” Except, you know, he thinks it in French. The strange thing is that I think Cameron and Olivier would make a really cute couple – although I don’t see the potential relationship lasting very long. But she made it with that rent-a-date dude Paul Sculfor nearly a year, so anything’s possible.

Olivier Martinez and Elsa in Paris on May 14, 2009. Cameron Diaz on the set of ’Knight and Day’ on November 30, 2009. Credit: Bauer-Griffin.

And they said it wouldn’t last! Well, I said it wouldn’t last. Back in May, we reported that Adrien Brody’s Spanish girlfriend Elsa Pataky unceremoniously dumped him and headed off to be lovers with Olivier Martinez not two days later. International scandal! At the time, I gave it two months before Olivier tried (and succeeded) in seducing Elsa’s mother, because, hey, that just seems to be the kind of guy Olivier is.

I was wrong! Elsa and Olivier are still going strong. They were photographed together recently, going on some kind of “date” in Paris. That’s what the photo agency claims, but I spy Olivier’s mangy dog in a couple of these pics, so the “date” wasn’t that romantic. Most likely they were just going for a post-coital dog-walking.

I kind of hate Elsa for breaking up with Adrien “I Bought A Castle For My Lady” Brody. That being said, I would probably enjoy her life a lot. To leave Adrien for Olivier? That’s a pretty sweet choice. And I love her clothes. I want those jeans and that purse so, so badly. The dog doesn’t look too impressed with the ensemble though, does he?

Other than that, all three people in this love triangle don’t seem to have a lot going on. Olivier and Elsa are apparently too busy shagging all over Parisian dog parks to actually have any films coming out. I did find out something interesting about Adrien though – he recently singed on for a voice role in The Fantastic Mr. Fox. It’s an animated film based on Ronald Dahl’s book. Adrien will be joining George Clooney, Bill Murray, Owen Wilson and Meryl Streep in the voice work. Adrien might be working out his grief in the soundproof room… or maybe he just sits around his castle crying. Sigh. Adrien, call me!

Elsa Pataky and Olivier Martinez are shown out in Paris on 7/10/09. Credit: bauergriffinonline.com

Can it be possible that the British tabloids have got it wrong? Only yesterday we reported that Kylie Minogue was spotted with handsome ex-boyfriend Olivier Martinez, and speculation was rife that she had a new life plan, complete with marriage and babies. Now it seems that their un-named source was wrong! As we reported, Kylie and Ollie were meant to be together again, after a year apart, and planning “to start a family, to marry her and to settle down.”

But, Kylie today released her new range of linen for your home, and denied the reports at her launch. It seems a bit coincidental that the range came out the same week as the rumours – was it a clever ploy to get more publicity?

Minogue told the Press Association: “I had dinner with my ex-boyfriend and next thing I know there’s a debate about whether we’re having a family. “We didn’t even talk about that. As I’ve maintained, we’re friends.”

Press Association

I’m actually not surprised about this, and according to relationship advice gurus, it’s a bad idea.

Paula Hall, relationship psychotherapist for Relate, said, “I don’t think there’s anything wrong in going back to your ex as long as you have resolved the problems which caused the break-up in the first place.

“Some couples get to the point of a break-up before they realise what they really want and it gives them the motivation to resolve their problems.”

But she said people should not return to a former partner just to have a family. “To get back together purely to have a baby is not necessarily a good idea – it depends on your expectations for both the relationship and parenting.”

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That’s probably not bad advice, considering the stress a baby places on everyone around it!

Can you believe that Kylie is releasing a range of goods for your home? You can now not only listen to Kylie, but smell like her, wear her undies and swimsuits, and sleep with her sheets. How does she have time to actually maintain a music career? It’s probably a good thing that Kylie isn’t having a baby, as she’d have no time to raise the little one. Although, a rage of tiny Kylie Baby clothes would be really cute…

The new range of linens include bedding, towels, cushions and curtains in luxury fabrics and covered in sequins, diamantes and semi-precious stones. It is called At Home With Kylie.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Kylie Minogue is shown at the launch of At Home With Kylie in London yesterday, thanks to PRPhotos.

Kylie Minogue is just my favourite little Aussie, and ever since her break up with Olivier Martinez we’ve been hoping that she would find new love and have some babies. Now it seems she has a plan.

“Kylie has taken him back – with a new set of rules,” a friend of Miss Minogue’s told the Daily Mail.

“Ollie has agreed to try for a baby. That was always the stumbling block in their relationship. They have both been single for a year and Kylie has realised she has never had anyone that has matched up to him.

“A month ago, a mutual Parisian friend passed a message on to Kylie that Ollie was pining for her and deeply regretted the break-up. Two weeks later, Ollie called her late one night when he was a bit drunk. That was their first conversation in almost a year.

Before the break: Kylie and Olivier at the Laureus World Sports Awards in 2003

“Since that time, they have been regularly calling, having intense conversations and texting incessantly.

“Ollie has told her he is ready to start a family, to marry her and to settle down. It was against that background that this first meeting happened last week.

“They have decided that if they have no success within a year, they will try to adopt.

“Olivier was always unsure of adoption before and neither did he want to have a baby naturally. He did not want to marry either. But after being apart for a year, he has obviously had a change of heart.”

Daily Mail

The Daily Mail adds that the couple spent much of the weekend together, with Olivier’s dog Sheeba. Kylie has had a long history of spending time with the pooch, often being seen taking her on walks in Paris. Which probably means that the phone calls of the last few weeks aren’t the first contact the couple have had.

While Martinez’s family are happy to see the couple together, apparently Kylie’s aren’t pleased, although the Daily Mail offers no explanation. Maybe it could be those rumours about Olivier’s sex scene with Diane Lane in the film Unfaithful – some viewers thought they were a little too convincing.

The steamy sex scenes in the 2002 thriller, which also starred Richard Gere, were made to look so lifelike that internet gossips have claimed that the actor’s went one step further during taping.

But 42-year-old Lane – who is now happily married to ‘No Country For Old Men’ actor, Josh Brolin – insists that the rumours are not true.

Mercy me, no no, no. That was wishful thinking on somebody’s part,” Lane told US talk show host, Tyra Banks.

“That’s not for me. That’s a whole different thing, and I like this industry better than that one.”

Celebrity Truth

How could you possibly manage to fool everyone on the set? Surely someone would notice – I hope that there is big difference between fake sex and real sex. Actually, I can’t imagine many things less appealing than sex, on a film set, with strangers watching.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Images are older ones of Kylie Minogue and Oliver Martinez at the Laureus World Sports Awards in 2003.