The last time we talked about Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell was when Kristen told a disturbing story on Dax’s podcast about Dax regularly complimenting waitresses on their appearance. She then used some twisted ass logic to explain how Dax flirting with other women really meant he was flirting with her, since Dax was making someone else feel good. It made zero sense to me, but Dax was sitting right there the whole time and didn’t deny flirting. Dax only said that he likes to hear that he’s handsome so he compliments women on their looks. It sounded creepy and oblivious, as is typical of Dax.
As I mentioned in that story, Dax and Kristen have a long history of revealing how dysfunctional their relationship is, only this was news to a lot of people. There was a renewed interest in Kristen and Dax, with people feeling sorry for Kristen and speculating that she was being manipulated by Dax. Dax addressed that on a recent filler episode of his podcast. Of course this man played the victim and got defensive without acknowledging how serious abuse is, that it can often be hidden or that it can take many forms. In Dax’s view he can’t be abusive to Kristen because he never yells. I guess that’s why they just don’t talk to each other for days. Here’s some of what he said and the video is below.
Another round of me being a terrible person was in the media. I avoided that, but then it hit Kristen’s doorstep really hard. I got to find out everything that people are saying about me. The level of unjustness… my behavior vs, this weird narrative that is surrounding me as like… controlling abusive now flirting with people in public which I don’t do.
Growing up around certain men who behaved a certain way. And then literally dedicating my whole life to being the opposite of all that. I don’t ever yell at my children. I don’t swear at them. I don’t yell at my wife… to have given it my all to be the opposite of what now some group of people is saying I am is it’s hard.
I find it deeply insulting to my wife additionally, you know. She’s what? She’s sitting in a house with her two daughters and modeling some abusive relationship? It’s very offensive to her.
I think she phrased it in a way that easily confused people because we’re saying I flirt with Kristen by tipping people a lot.
If you think I’m complimenting like hot young waitresses. Yeah. You got a problem.
I’m finding the dude that I don’t think’s had a compliment in a while and tell him I love his shoes. It’s always somebody that I want to make their day.
And so those compliments is flirting with Kristen. But it got to be when I went through the grinder that I flirt with people in front of Kristen.
Also, if you listen to the show, I compliment people non-stop. It’s kind of my thing.
Oh it’s so hard for him and by the way you’re insulting Kristen too. Plus he’s not complimenting the hot young waitresses! What are we even doing here? The examples Kristen gave were of Dax complimenting a female server’s eyelashes and a female friend’s eyebrows. This man is lying through his poorly veneered teeth.
Is it true that Dax never yells though? In an April, 2020 joint interview during lockdown Kristen and Dax admitted they’d been fighting. Kristen called Dax “too loud and too big,” adding that he was “everywhere.” It’s not like they were only fighting because they were stuck in the house together. In a January, 2020 interview Kristen admitted blacking out during a fight, saying “what transpired was a lot of volume, a lot of harsh words being thrown around and it was an angry fight.” That sounds like yelling to me, although it’s been over six years maybe they’ve evolved from that.
It was just last year when Kristen posted this message to Dax for their 12th anniversary “Happy 12th wedding anniversary to the man who once said to me:
‘I would never kill you. A lot of men have killed their wives at a certain point. Even though I’m heavily incentivized to kill you, I never would.’” Is that a cry for help, is she trolling Dax or both? To be clear I don’t think she’s being abused, but I don’t think their relationship is healthy either. Dax’s defensive response to this controversy underscores that point.
I wish the both of them would just STFU. Have some privacy !!!
Can we just set the bar a little higher? Dudes who don’t yell, don’t hit women, don’t molest kids, don’t threaten to kill people, don’t actually kill people… these are laughably the base lines for heterosexual relationships in the world of Dax and Friends. I mean… gambling addiction, alcohol abuse, shoplifting, what have you, torturing small animals…. Steer clear of these and you’re a catch to any lady with a sense of self-respect? Really???? I’m trying to picture a woman turning that logic in her own favour, and it would have to be someone like Courtney Love or the fictional Zelda Southport, like, man, the last time I got high was weeks ago, I put down the pipe and swore off the junk. I mean. I even put the kids to bed two nights in a row. I only had a couple of drinks before. I do have a job, you know. What else is going to pay for the new kitchen? I mean… I can barely picture ladies *trying* to get away with the type of unhinged jackass behaviour that Dax puts on show.
But … but … he has given it his ALL ! 🙄
This guy would be a nobody without Kristen. He was an extra on Punk’d. I think that was his career peak. Meh to his podcast because that is just the land of toxic bros with microphones. Doesn’t make him special. And I don’t think he would have the viewership he does without being married to a very successful woman.
Not yelling is the lowest of low bars.
Coercive control doesn’t need yelling – manipulation, sulking, shaming, are all quiet and all devastatingly effective at diminishing self esteem and independence and generally sucking the life out of a partner.
I didn’t mean for my first comment to be a reply to yours. Not sure what happened there.
I agree, she’s so much more high profile and talented than him. Being kind of a dick in public seems to be his main claim to fame.
No worries, Jas, I agree with your comment! I had an abusive boyfriend in my early 20s who would use disappearing for weeks and not speaking to me as a form of coercive control. He would actually say, “I don’t know the next time you’re going to hear from me” as a threat. Yelling is not the only form of abuse.
I think his career peak was starring in the long-running series Parenthood. And I think they met at a time when he was working more than her. I agree with everyone who thinks he’s a huge red flag— just not sure he got with her for her fame.
Parenthood was his career peak, but they were already together and she was way more famous and working far more than him. Veronica Mars then movies. She’s been in quite a few. They share things they shouldn’t. He would acknowledge she had a lot more money than him all the time. His podcast has made him a lot richer. Before she easily out earned even though she worked less with kids. Nobody’s saying he got with her for fame but it helped make him far more famous and likely successful. No one was checking for him alone on the red carpet. He was there thanks to her.
Sometimes I think people overshare as a way of asking for help.
An extra on Punk’d, huh. That explains a lot. I never remember where he came from. Another generic d0uchey white guy.
I’ve always found Kristen on the annoying side, but she needs to get her kids and self away from this guy. CB put a lot of his quotes together- he really looks awful to me. One or two might get an awkward laugh, but he just keeps going. Isn’t he also using some workout enhancement bro-juice of some kind? I feel like he was last year.
This is abusive. Full stop. It doesn’t need to be physical, it doesn’t have to turn into yelling, this is emotional abuse at a MINIMUM. He’s a disgusting creep and POS and should have been cancelled yesterday.
Completely concur. When he says “but I don’t yell…” it reminds me of the “But I’m not racist, I have a Black friend,” or, “I’m not a misogynist, I have a mother/daughter.”
I’ve seen this type of relationship play out in the past and I am 100 percent calling it: when/if Kristin has had enough and divorces him, he will get with a younger woman that is waaaay less successful than Kristin (or him) and so his ego will feel better that he’s the “alpha” in that relationship. It’s so gross and Kristin deserves better.
He doesn’t get to decide what’s abusive. They’re describing abusive behavior, which is why everyone calls it abusive. “But we’re quirky and cute and you couldn’t see my eye twinkles,” isn’t the excuse he thinks it is v
He may be worse than she is, but I do think they’re both fucking nuts. Sorry for their kids.
I seriously side-eye someone who says that complimenting people is his thing. OK.
There was honestly so much stuff from her talking on the podcast that seemed off. She tells a story about how, before they were married, she flew across the country to pick up his parents and fly them back. WHAT? Why isn’t he doing that?
The idea that it’s offensive to a woman to ask or wonder if she is being abused is…a bad take. It sounds like he’s equating being emotionally and/or verbally abused to being a bad parent because, what, an abuse victim should be able to recognize the manipulation and should be able to stop it or to leave? Eek
This is a really good point, I agree
This guy gives me the ick.
I am HOPING that this is Kristen’s long game before announcing their divorce. Getting as much out there as possible before the announcing.
I am HOPING.
I can relate to her finding Dax “too loud and too big” during lockdown.” My husband and son (then 24 or so) were both in the house constantly during those first months and it was just…. a LOT. They weren’t being abusive at all, just present and hungry.
So, that part was OK. It’s the totality of things they have told us over the years about how they interact with each other. It’s frankly Dax’s whole persona. It doesn’t necessarily sound to me like it’s all on him, though. He seems problematic but they also just seem to have a messed up dynamic.
I don’t know anything about her before they got married, so maybe she’s the same. But I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt she could be better away from his weird influence/environment.
Coercive control doesn’t always involve shouting and cursing at your spouse. He sounds like those white people who say they’re not racist because they don’t say the n-word.
Speaking on my personal current experience personally it is very difficult to have children with a crappy partner. I looked up some question and the first result was so weirdly specific that age 11 is the hardest age for children to experience divorce. That’s how old my youngest is. I’m sure depression and just being so deeply unhappy in my relationship is messing with my mental ability to figure out how to disentangle our finances and lives and not taking any steps forward. I wish there was a professional that helps walk through everything step by step. I don’t know where to start. I feel I have been letting everyone down including myself. No one is perfect and it’s so hard to make the step to divorce knowing how many people it will affect for our own happiness.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, @Turbanma. I know other people can only listen and commiserate, but having been in a similar situation, I kind of had to use the Catholic yardstick: are there grounds for annulment? Meaning, did you mean to keep your vows, keep the faith, honour the contract, when you got married? For both of us, it was yes, clearly, we did. Did you do this in practice? Yes, we both did. So why are you both miserable? ….that was more complicated. We had good intentions on both sides and just drive each other nuts, ground each other’s gears, it was about a personality clash. Being parents puts you in a different gear. It’s like going camping with a co-worker. It kicks it up to a whole new level, one that is uncomfortable, unnatural, and waaaaay too close to home, when you think, honestly, if I were on my own this would be so straightforward. Things that were easy when we were just two people with jobs vanished overnight. It got very tough for a while. I had to start asking myself, as many of my British friends do (they are genius at this), what can you do, to preserve your sanity, your coping skills, your equilibrium, as if you had to start over from scratch? …like, pretend he’s not your husband. Because that sets up expectations. You expect someone to understand you, to get you, to soothe you, etc… pretend he’s just a nice guy that you happened to be married to, he’s just a husband in the sense that he’s a guy doing his best. Abandon all assumptions, oh ye who enter here. Just treat him as a fellow human and see if that doesn’t cut it. Stop expecting him to get you. Just use your words. Advocate for yourself, not in a belligerent way, but stop taking his understanding for granted. Explain what you’re doing and why, like he’s a colleague. Someone you have to work with. Be more robust. That’s what I told myself. And honestly, it helped. I told myself we just had to get through this phase of parenting and then we could decide whether to stay or to go our separate ways. And we’re still here, it feels a lot more precious and fragile, but there is a kind of in-house reincarnation effect, when you stop being angry, and just let go of your expectations. I don’t know if that helps, at all, if it’s relevant to your predicament, at all. You just have to cope day to day and treat him like a guy stuck in the same tent.
I got divorced back just before Covid. I had divorce lawyers who had constructive, positive attitudes — not the kill-or-be-killed kind. I think my ex listened to them more than his own lawyer. In short, there are lawyers out there who can guide you through the process with kindness and efficiency. I would start out by talking to friends who have gone through the process and ask about their lawyer/lawyers and any therapists who were helpful. Good luck!
Turbanma
So sorry you’re going through this. It sucks that you’re going through this.
The suggestion to put out feelers for a good lawyer is good. It doesn’t mean you’re going to do anything, but just talking through your options, the process with someone who knows the ropes can help clarify things.
If I can offer anything, it’s this –
As the child of parents who divorced, who had both older and younger siblings, it wasn’t easy on any of us but it also was better for ALL of us to no longer share a home with parents who weren’t in a good relationship and a man who wasn’t up to doing his part as a husband OR father.
Once they split, we could all breathe, pick up the pieces and move on, pull together … plus mom’s health improved … her chronic hives, allergies, exhaustion, palpitations, etc began to go away once her (and our) home was no longer a war zone.
The only thing that might have been better would have been for the breakup to happen sooner.
The other thing is – check out Captain Awkward’s post “Should you stay or should you go? ” It’s gives a good approach to wrapping your head around things without forcing a decision/action.
https://captainawkward.com/2022/07/13/should-you-stay-or-should-you-go/
The tween years are fraught, it’s true. Not sure what age is best (maybe very young or fully adult?). I’m sorry you’re having to confront this tangle.
What I got out of this is that if Dax ever compliments you, he actually thinks you’re a loser.
THIS !!!!!
“I’m finding the dude that I don’t think’s had a compliment in a while … ” It’s just so arrogant. Based on what? How would he know?
Dax looks like he had a stroke and no one bothered to tell him.
You can be abusive and cruel without ever raising your voice. I don’t follow these two enough to have any idea whether he is or isn’t abusive, but not raising your voice in no ways means you are not abusive.
He’s actively morphing into RFK Jr.
He really does look scary doesn’t he? Has he always had crazy eyes or am I just noticing? Or is it a really aggressive upper bleph/botox/something surgical?
It’s the skin for me. Very rough, very orange. Just looks very weathered. Probably taking HGH or something similar, just like RFK Jr.
Dax is not a good looking man. He says he likes being told he’s good looking because it doesn’t happen enough. He’s a jerk with no talent and few redeeming qualities.
I know this is about him emotionally abusing his wife, but as a former waitress…don’t flirt, don’t compliment our looks, especially in front of a date! It’s gross and makes us uncomfortable. Customers are in a position of power over people who needs tips to survive. So we will smile every time and take a very hot shower after every shift.
What happened to his face? I would not have recognized him. His face look like it is melting and freezing at the same time.
I dislike Dax for many reasons but I honestly think that this is totally overblown. I actually listened to the episode and he never said HE is flirting! She said it. And I don’t think he is flirting, he’s just being nice to people and complimenting them. Kristin sounded kind of dumb about it. I don’t know, with all the problematic celebrities out there I just don’t think these two are worth talking about
Does he want a prize for not yelling or swearing at his kids? My late father – who died 50 years ago – never did either. When I was about 14 and being an absolute pain, he raised his voice a little. I was so astonished by this unprecedented event I burst into tears. RIP Dad. This guy sounds a pain.
I remember when he was on Parenthood
he said in an interview that he was ‘ the eye candy’ for the show- haven’t liked him for a long time
He was offered the lead in Wanted before a producer with sense saw James McAvoy in something and offered it to him.
When Dax’s talks about it, he talks like it was a blessing because he was ‘too good looking’ for it. 🤨
His character on that show annoyed me so much. But then so did a lot of characters on that show.
He’s gross.
Divorce him now, Kristen. You’ll be so much happier.
Cher was right about him. I never liked him, but I like him less and less the more I read about him.