Break out the bubbly, Patton Oswalt and Meredith Salenger are officially husband and wife. For those few that havenāt been following this story, Patton lost his wife of 11 years, Michelle McNamara, 15 months ago. This past February, he began corresponding with actress Meredith Salenger. They made their first public appearance as a couple last June, got engaged in July and on Saturday, they got married. Patton and Meredith have been demonstrative about each other and their relationship on social media and at events since they went public. Iām not aware that they announced the date of their wedding but early last week, there were many hints on Twitter it was happening:
As for actual details of the ceremony, they are slowly leaking out:
A source tells E! News that the couple wed at the Jim Henson Company Lot in Hollywood. The brief ceremony began at 5:15 pm and lasted 15 minutes. The couple was married by a female friend in a Jewish ceremony.
The insider added that Meredith was teary throughout the ceremony. The former child star wore an off-the-shoulder white dress and carried a bouquet of bright pink and red peonies. Guests at the intimate ceremony included actressĀ Ever Carradine,Ā Martha PlimptonĀ andĀ Questlove.
The source also added that at the end of the ceremony, Patton broke glass and guests shouted “Mazel Tov.” After the nuptials, guests retreated into the studio for the reception.
The historic location was decked out in white twinkle lights strung across the ceiling. There were long farmhouse tables for a family style dinner.
The onlooker said, “Everyone was coming up and congratulating Patton and Meredith. They seemed blissfully happy and in love.”
The article included a timeline of their relationship that says they were supposed to meet at a dinner thrown by mutual friend Martha Plimpton in February but Patton had a schedule conflict at the last minute and didnāt attend. So, the next day, February 28th, Meredith messaged him on Facebook, saying “Ugh you missed some amazing lasagna last night. You really screwed up,ā which led to three months of āshort novelā length messages before the two met in person in May. My assumption is the dinner was a set up by Martha and thatās why Meredith messaged him. Whatever the circumstances, obviously they were a match waiting to happen. And Martha saw it coming. By the way, she was the “female friend” who officiated. If I ever decide to take my vows again, dear God I want Martha Plimpton officiating:
There are more pictures below and even more on Meredith’s Instagram. I love that Meredith’s something blue were her fabulous shoes and I’m digging the asymmetrical hemline of her gown. The whole thing looked lovely, we had beautiful weather on Saturday and The Jim Henson Company lot is a great venue – it used to be Charlie Chaplin Studios. Tragically, it appears as if no Muppets made it to the ceremony, let’s hope some attended the reception.
I am rooting for Patton and Meredith. Congratulations to the couple and to Alice as well. You all deserve some happiness.
1st dance. Thank you @aimeemann & @MPenn (and @steveagee for the photo!) #RightDownTheLine pic.twitter.com/kmQG0OaGUV
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) November 5, 2017
A Daddyās dream. Me and my happy Daddy on my most special day!
….. Photo Credit @jeffvespa pic.twitter.com/mwr1MDj6Rj
— Meredith Salenger (@MeredthSalenger) November 5, 2017
Photo credit: WENN, Instagram and Twitter
Her dress is beautiful. The shoes too.
I am happy for them. Father and daughter have been through a lot. Marrying someone else does not erase the former wife’s memory. Congrats
Good for them, I’m glad he was able to find happiness after losing his wife so abruptly.
Aw, I wish them all the best. I went to two weddings this weekend; love is in the air. Love ā¤ļø
People tend to “shack up” beginning in October. Fall hits, love in the air.
Congratulations to the happy couple. May they have decades of love and happiness ahead of them.
obviously it’s his prerogative to get remarried as quickly as he would like, and it’s no one’s business but his and his family’s. However, it just seems remarkably quick, and based on some of the interviews he’s done it really doesn’t seem like he’s giving himself or his daughter time to process their grief. Obviously you don’t want a kid to dwell on it, but based on some of the things he said it sounds like he doesn’t keep any pictures of his former wife up and it seems like part of the reason he got married to Meredith was so that Alice would have a mother figure in the house. I wish them well and hope it works out.
Agreed. Such a fast timeline — a hurry, even — to marry. And yes, the word “rebound” comes to mind… But hey. Delighted to see Alice so happy in these pictures. I hope it works out.
I donāt think there is a perfect timeline. My uncle died young from cancer leaving behind his wife and two young children. My aunt attended a therapy group and met a recent widow with children. They started talking and next thing you know were engaged and married. It upset my grandmother and some other family members because it was ātoo fast.ā (It actually caused a lifelong rift between some people) That was 40 years ago and theyāve been happily married ever since.
actually, it’s not uncommon for people who had great marriages to remarry quickly after the loss of a spouse, Often they felt they gained so much from a happy marriage that it leaves them more open to making a commitment when they feel they’ve found someone else that complements them and can offer them a chance at a really great relationship
Everyone processes grief differently. He told us all about it:
http://www.vulture.com/2017/10/patton-oswalt-interview-on-death-grief-michelle-mcnamara.html
actually, that interview was the one that gave me the willies. It DIDN’T sound like he processed his grief. It also sounded like he felt he’d processed it, but what about his daughter? As you say, everyone processes grief differently.
@Alissa, ITA. Regardless of what he wanted for himself, I think most people can agree that a few months is not enough for his little girl, or any child who lost a parent so suddenly It seems incredibly selfish on his part.
And how is it good for Alice to not have photos of her mother in her home? I feel sorry for the late wifeās family, having this be so public so soon.
Was coming to say the same. The romantic in me is happy but the therapist in me is skeptical. 8 months is quick for anyone but for Alice that must be lightning speed. She lost her mother, her dad moved on and got married in a very tight time frame. I hope that they got her a good therapist to work through these feelings. Heck he should have a therapist too. It just pings my radar when people move this fast after tragedy
The mother passed away 15 months ago, still short but death, dating and remarriage wasnāt all in 8 months,
This is where I’m at with it. I really hope there’s an amazing, kickass therapist that has been working with this adorable little girl. It makes me nervous when people move this quickly after a pretty lengthy relationship – especially when it wasn’t a traditional breakup. That’s a LOT to process, and while everyone processes differently, I sincerely hope things are going to work out for them – especially for the daughter.
That being said – the photo of Meredith and Alice is very sweet. She’s a cutie – and ultimately, I hope that this is something that brings joy to that child. I hope she’s super pumped to have a step mom who clearly adores her – and I hope this will help put another level of ‘normalcy’ in her life. It’s quick – but I hope it’s partially so quick because it makes Alice happy, rather than just him being unhappy being alone.
That’s still a short timeline esp for a child. The death of a parent is categorized as trauma and to have someone in that position a year later is major upheaval on top of trauma. Mind you Alice could be fine but again chances are this was quick for her. Even with therapy I think he rushed this IMO
A family friend remarried about 4 years after his wife passed away from cancer. His children, all grown adults no longer living at home, were livid pissed and two of them essentially disowned him and caused a lot of family drama. It was really sad. His new wife is lovely and tried to be as respectful as possible of his late wife’s memory. Not good enough and things got incredibly ugly. This is with adult children with spouses and kids of their own.
So I suppose my question is what IS the right time frame? There doesn’t seem to be any.
There is but its different for every child. Losing a parent is traumatic especially for children. The recommendation for therapy is so the child can not only process the loss of a significant person in their life but also process the trauma that comes with that. Adding a new person to the mix without letting her process all the emotions that come with a major death is too fast. That’s what a therapist is for. Alice could have processed it in a year maybe 2 years but that’s HER right to be allowed that time. It just makes me wonder if she was given the space to grieve or if dad thought he grieved so she must have as well.
I’m not saying people need to wait forever. But part of being a parent is letting your kid have their own timetable and emotions. Not forcing them on your own. I counsel kids that have never been allowed to process their trauma because of their parent and as a result have little to no relationship with their step parent.
Yes, everyone grieves and falls in love at their own speed. He obviously believes marriage is for the long haul, he had a successful and seemingly happy 1st marriage. Especially as their is a young child involved, I don’t understand the need to rush as he’s committed to a long term relationship but its their call. Removing pictures seems less then healthy as you’d want your child you remember their mother, no one can ever replace her, so hopefully it’s only for now and they’ll bring back photos with time.
Iām so happy heās happy and that there will be a semblance of a family and normalcy again for them despite their devastating loss. Itās better to have a happy father than a depressed father. Itās better to have a happy home than a lonely home. This is a good thing.
That being said, I just hope his daughter is seeing a therapist or someone because these are huge life changes to adjust in such a short amount of time. Sheās very little and she went from losing her mom overnight to watching her father rush to marry some stranger (letās be honest, he did rush. His decision, it is FINE, but he absolutely rushed) and this little girl had to bond real quick with her while she was still grieving. Idk, it has to be overwhelming for a little child. I really hope Patton talked to her and that sheās comfortable and happy too. Often times single parents put dating before their kids and dads particularly can be a little selfish. I just hope theyāre considering her feelings too and that theyāve had long talks with her about this. For a little kid time passes slower. Iām sure Meredith is great though and I hope they honor this little girlās mom always.
Not trying to pick on you, but having been that little girl, I will say she also needs space for her mother to continue to exist in their memories, traditions and daily family life. To ask a new bride to share HER love story with a ghost is beyond difficult. That combination means that it’s almost a certainty that one of those two people is going to get short-changed, and the father will be put in the middle.
Pretend normalcy, when there’s nothing normal about losing your mother at that age, can actually be devastating. Everyone feeling weird and awkward about talking about the person who passed away is really harmful. Some days you need to forget, some days you need to dwell and grief is a lifelong process. My mother has been dead for 35 years, and there are still days I cry about it. Growing up motherless is a wound I don’t think you ever fully heal from.
I’m not saying everyone who experiences will feel like I do, but it’s never gonna be a normal thing. To have divorced parents is hard, but it’s an experience they’ll share with a significant number of peers. Same as not knowing/having a relationship with one of your parents. But to lose a parent … It was a decade before I knew another kid my own age who had also lost a parent to death, and in that case it occurred when they were baby and their mother had remarried before they even had memories, and legally adopted her child, so he still had the only father he’d ever known. The loss was more a trivia fact than something they’d really experienced deeply. The sheer fact that no one seems to know or get how you’re feeling — not even YOUR own parent, who is often leaning on THEIR parent to get through it — is just overwhelming.
S– to say that losing a parent as a baby is more like a “trivia fact” than a bona fide loss is incredibly insensitive and plain wrong. wow.
JG … That’s how this guy viewed it. They never knew their biological father. The only father they ever knew was the man their father married when he was under 2 and while he always knew his dad died before his first birthday, he didn’t have all that many feelings about it, because to him, his dad was the man who raised him, and his siblings (technically half brother and sister, but never considered that way). I actually thought we could bond over having experienced the los of a parent. They didn’t actually feel like they’d lost one. They were vaguely curious about him, but had very little interaction with relatives from that side of the family and simply didn’t feel like it had a been a big deal in their life.
No matter how you view it, to lose someone you never knew is quite different than being old enough to love and remember someone. It becomes a slightly more academic question. Having experienced both — before my mother’s death she had a baby who lived only a few days — I can say the loss of a sister I never met is nothing like losing the mother I knew, loved and depended on.
There’s never an easy time to lose a parent, whether you’re 7 or 77, but to say one isn’t more difficult and unexpected than the other is naive and disingenious.
I LOVE the outfit Meredith’s dad is wearing!!
Yes! Shoe envy.
He’s rockin’ it!
Normally on this site, when I see a couple marrying soon after they meet, ala Khloe Kardashian marrying Lamar Odom after a month of meeting him, I roll my eyes and think yep it’s a new season, ratings. BUT, this is a real life story. Love. Three hearts beating in a home that was sad and broken is now filled with hope, and I hope they all live long lives together in happiness.
Who are we to say whether they rushed into this marriage or not? The details of their relationship (and Pattonās relationship with his late wife) are private. Patton and Meredith are mature people, they seem crazy about each other and itās obviously they adore that little girl. His late wifeās family has even expressed their support of his remarriage. Thatās good enough for me.
If you were responding to me, I’m confused. I was very happy for them and their marriage.
He has a new standup on Netflix called Annihilation.
Wow. It was beautiful, hilarious and heart wrenching. He said how he and his wife would have these deep philosophical conversations and she would always says “it’s chaos be kind.”
I loved it.
He explains how he told his daughter. The principal of the school said to absolutely not tell her as soon as she got home from school. To keep her home the next day and to tell her in the sunshine. Telling her was harder than losing his wife he said.
If you have an opportunity please watch it.
Everyone has their own timeline on grief and love. Wishing them much happiness. And a shout out to Aimee Mann and Michael Penn for the music, wow!
100%
Awww I have nothing snarky to say because this is sweet. They look so happy.
Dress needs to go a size up. I feel her with the bountiful boobs, this cut would NEVER hold mine but this, to quote the Fug Girls, needs a hoik. But congrats!
As a fellow busty girl I get so much anxiety when someone wears a dress a size too small. I could never feel relaxed thinking my boobs will pop out any minute now. Or if they feel constrained and I canāt breathe.
Wear your size, girls. A number means nothing and it will fit you better. Donāt be all suffocated on a big day.
I was just going to say, the girls need to breath. plus the bad fit makes that arms pull funny.
Have to agree about the dress. It’s very pretty, but could have been fit a little better.
I hope they had a lovely wedding (I want Martha Plimpton to be my matchmaker and officiant!) and I wish them all the luck in the world.
Best wishes for them.
Congrats to the happy couple!! Meredith looks absolutely lovely. I’m rooting for these two.
Life is short. A good friend of mine died suddenly two months ago and there hasnāt been a day since then that I donāt think of her and still talk to her. I think before she passed, there would have been a part of me judging this timeline and speed. But now? And especially given the state of the world? I donāt judge anyone who grabs on to whatever happiness and love they have found. Congrats to Remy and Natty Gann!
100%
I totally agree. In the last four or five years I heard about a couple of people who passed away suddenly in my hometown. One women lost consciousness at work, one woman went to swim, one woman didn’t feel well and went to bed, one man took his car to get something. All of them were way under 50 years old and all of them were gone suddenly. It is heartbreaking for the families, so if any of them can find happiness again – go for it. If someone is not ready to fall in love again after 2 years, that’s ok – take your time. If someone falls in love after six months – that’s ok.
I’m sure, his daughter is doing fine. She was and is part of a loving family.
That’s kind of how I feel. Life is short, if they’re truly happy and in love, why the hell not. It may be difficult for his daughter, but let’s face it, it was always going to be. No amount of time is enough to “get over” losing a loved one. I hope that she is supported and cared for and loved and allowed to honor the memory of her mother as she sees fit, but after that there’s nothing else anyone can do. Seeing her father happy and being part of a loving home is a good thing.
time doesn’t make you “get over”; there’s no such thing. BUT, it does make it easier, and you get used to it. so yeah, time does 100% make a difference.
I am sorry for your loss.
Losing someone unexpectedly can change oneās perspective. Itās one thing to say ālive every day like itās your lastā, but going through sudden losses of people very close also showed me how truly important it is to treat every conversation as if it may be your last with the person with whom you are speaking. Life is short, and can be over in a minute.
why concentrating on your own romance instead of your children? some men just can’t be single for any stretch of time.
Why do you assume heās not paying attention to his daughter? Because he got married? I guess no parent should get married then. Ever. Too time consuming and makes us neglectful of our children. The children!!!!!
How dumb did that sound? Your assumption is silly and judgmental.
and you’re exaggerating with answers like ‘I guess no parent should get married then. Ever.’ obviously the ability of looking at things in context wasn’t something you were considering when you replied. EVER.
Youāre absolutely right. This is not the right place to be sanctimonious. I admire your level of self awareness to realize you were being sanctimonious with your original comment. Youāre making progress.
lmao you’re so invested. is that you patton?
It’s been a year and a half since she died. Perhaps he saw his daughter suffering and wanted her to have a mother again? Just a guess.
you don’t exactly have a mother again though. she had her mum, you can have a stepmum who in some cases can be as good as a mum, but it’s a rather different relationship.
that said, i don’t understand why people are taking it so personally, tbh. to me it’s weird to remarry that quickly when you have a child old enough to grieve a parent. one thing is your relationship with your wife, and yes 15 months isn’t an unreasonable time. but the relationship between a parent and a child isn’t the same thing as a relationship with a spouse, it goes way deeper. there’s no such thing as a replacement parent, you can build a great relationship with a stepparent, but it’s on a different level.
You. Can’t. Replace. A. Mother. She’s not a lamp, a sofa or a sweater. You can’t get a new one that’s just as good.
I sincerely hope Alice ends up having a long, loving and amazing relationship with Meredith. But no matter how amazing it is, Meredith is not, and never will be, Alice’s mother. Alice has a mother. She’s not alive anymore, but she’ll always be Alice’s mom.
I think what Lady D meant (Lady D, please correct me if Iām wrong) is that maybe he wanted to have a good mother figure in Aliceās life. Not another biological mother. Of course, that would never be possible because Aliceās real mother has passed away.
I think Patton is madly in love with Mere and she with him. Alice looks very happy to me in all photos shown on social media and even in pap photos. I wish we could all just wish them all the happiness in the world and leave it at that. They all suffered a tremendous loss. Letās all wish them the best. Why is that so hard to do.
Thank you, Myhairisfullofsecrets, that is what I meant:)
I don’t judge them. I wish them luck and happiness. If I passed suddenly and 15 months later my husband remarried I would be happy. We have become so close and happy that I know he would miss me. I wouldn’t want him to be alone, and I would want him to have someone he loves and trusts to look after my babies.
They wouldn’t forget me because they are living a great life full of joy. I would want them to go through their grieving but smile when they think of me and relive the happy times and not feel sad.
How long someone grieves is not equal to how much they loved their spouse. The loss will always be there, and he doesn’t owe the world to live on our timeline. They don’t need to justify their decision.
Maybe for little Alice having a lovely woman around helps her process and talk to someone who isn’t profoundly affected by her mother’s death. Meredith can learn about her mother through her eyes. Her mother doesn’t need to be a ghost but an important memory of a person she loves even after she is gone.
It should be considered that she is an only child and a mother figure could help her from feeling lonely when her father works.
There are positives here.
Mazel Tov!
Good for them. Alice looks happy and to me that is the most important thing, that Alice is happy.
+1
I’m not seeing that? She looks content in the photo with her father, but resigned at best in the photo where her stepmother choke- eh, hugs her?
Men generally quickly replace their spouses/partners so this doesnāt surprise me.
Thanks for the educational, well-balanced insight, Ann.
Hey, smartiepants, google it, the stats say so.
She’s right, BlossomBetch. Besides the stats, do your own informal survey among your friends. See what they say about men versus women and remarriage.
She is 100% right. You are living under a rock if you think they don’t remarry sooner rather than later.
As a person who actually did marry a man in an even shorter time frame after his wife died – and, yes, he too, had a small daughter of only a year – I can say that I wish this couple well but I also wish they had met later or at least waited to marry.
My now ex-husband also wanted a mother for his daughter and I even understood that was part of the reason we were marrying. What happened in our relationship was that, I believe, he felt things were in place – his daughter was cared for well – and now he could take the next two years to grieve. It wasn’t as deliberate as that, but essentially, it was that. He didn’t really move forward until our son was born. We tried for the next three years but even thinking about it now, it was just too much water under the bridge for me, for him. Those first two years were hellish emotionally. This was all a very long time ago. My daughter and son are now in their forties. Their Dad and I both remarried. Everyone survived but I think people need to take the time to grieve their deceased spouse before remarrying.
i very much agree.
also in my personal experience with losing a family member, you never get over it or really get closure, but you can learn to move on and get used to it. but it takes time, and you should allow that time to yourself and the people around you.
Yes, very much agree.
It’s funny, as a wife, I had told my husband that if I died, I would come back and haunt him if he remarried. (Jokingly, of course….right? ha). However, now that I’m a mom, if my daughter can’t have me, I want her to have SOMEONE who loves her as her mother.
Agh, it’s so sad, I wish Patton, Meredith and Alice all the best.
I’m the exact opposite. Before we had kids, I had no opinion on if my husband should remarry if I were to die. Now that we have three. I’ve told made him aware that I feel he, under no circumstances, is to give them a step-mother while they are still underage. Obviously, I couldn’t stop him from the grave, but it’s not what I want, I wouldn’t be OK with it, and he, and all of my friends, know it. It’s literally something we agreed on before I ever got pregnant, because it really is a serious deep-seated fear of mine. I’ve been the step-kid and, while I won’t go into details here, saying I do not want that experience for my children is wildly understating the level of vehemence I feel regarding this topic.
They’re not all wicked stepmothers, but the cliche does exist for a reason and even looking at the very best stepmother-stepdaughter/son relationships, it’s still difficult, at best, even under the most ideal of circumstances.
Hugs. Here’s hoping it won’t be a dilemma for either of our husbands!!! <3
I agree. No step parents. Especially if they new couple wants to have more children. That’s based on my own experience. I’m sure somewhere, someone is the most amazing step parent ever, but I agree with S.
aang … Agree. I should also note for the record that I would no more want to BE a step-mother, than want my kids to have one.
I am all for grabbing whatever happiness you can, I just am a little concerned that this might be a little too quick for the daughter. I know nothing about any of their feelings, but he was obviously grieving so deeply and I am sure she was more and less sure how to process it.
He looks like heās lost a good bit of weight. Heās happy, sheās happy, Alice seems happy. They are grown ass people, let them be happy.
I would be more concerned if he was marrying some 20 something, hot up and coming comic or something but heās marrying an educated, fully grown woman who can take care of herself. Who are we to judge?
Sweet story? But way too fast. How are you emotionally ready to love someone fully 7 months after losing a spouse of 11 years and prepared to marry in 15months? You aren’t. He isn’t. But hey, fools rush in. Gl to ’em.
I hope they’re very happy and wish them all the very best … But as a child who lost her mother young and saw her father remarry, repeatedly, I have some pretty serious concerns at the speed and, ahem, extremely public enthusiasm this was entered into with. Engaged after dating for two months, married six months later. Following a trauma of this level it’s all just sooooo fast.
You didn’t include the tweet by Meredith that had a picture of Alice that said, ‘This girl is MINE!!!’ in all caps. Having been that daughter with an (initially) enthusiastic stepmother it creeped me out, frankly. I mean, I know it was almost certainly meant as an expression of love and joy in her new role, but as great a relationship as I hope she and Alice have and will continue to share, Meredith is NOT that little girl’s mother. It’s way too easy to marginalize and disappear a dead parent, and I can attest that doing so is devastating, even if done with love and good intentions.
And if the part about removing pictures of his deceased wife is true … Just, yikes. That’s huge and awful. I’ve said it here before, but my dad was married within a year of my mom’s death, and he gave away everything she had almost immediately. He rarely talked about her. The only picture of her was in my room. It was super hard on me, but the real stress and strain didn’t even begin to show for 18 months or more after she was gone. Up until then, it had all been such a whirlwind — all the people/family around after her death, then the new relationship — I hadn’t even begun to process it, then, when I did, and not always positively (I was 7), I got punishment for being bad and ungrateful, instead of sympathy, because I, “shouldn’t still be dwelling on her death.”
i’m sorry you had to go through that.
it’s quite selfish to take away all photos, because for your dad it was his spouse but for you it was your mum so a completely different relationship.
I would be okay if they left one family photo in a shared space and gave alice some photos for her room. That way she can remember her mom.
The photo thing just brings up that reddit story of the wife that gave away all the first wife’s photos and belongings. The dad didn’t notice until the family asked for photos for a grad present for his daughter. Needless to say it blew up.
There’s a way to honor both without erasure. But like you said it was not just his wife but her mother.
i just googled the story you mention on reddit, absolutely terrible.
Nicole, thatās exactly the story I was thinking about while reading this! That was such a horrible thing to do to that young girl. I hope they were able to find some things of her moms for her, so sad.
A close friend lost her college roommate to murder back in the 80s. Right after the funeral, the family put all of their daughterās photos away and never mentioned her again. Her mother is now in her 90s, is a lifelong alcoholic and still refuse to discuss her daughter or the murder at all. So weird and unhealthy and just plain sad.
Just to play devil’s advocate, what if this was something that they all agreed upon? What if Alice said seeing her mom’s photo(s) just upsets her too much? Maybe it was a decison that was made with her in mind? Maybe she has other items that belonged to her mother that make her feel close to her without the acute emotional pain and sadness that a photo might bring?
Just something to consider.
With that, I have to say that I really do appreciate all your comments on this thread, S. It’s difficult to share what is clearly a deeply emotional and scarring personal story while refraining from projecting or judging how others may handle a similar situation. I hope talking about it isn’t too overhwleming as I would imagine it would bring all the emotional rawness and hurt to the surface because your opinion on this matter in deeply insightful and unique.
but it feels like an adult decision, rather than something a young girl would ask for. children experience loss in quite a different matter, i don’ think it would occur to her to hide mum’s pics so she doesn’t think of her.
Yea that’s an adult processing decision not a kid of her developmental age. Ie dad took down the photos once he got married. Wouldn’t be the first time it happened. Again I think its appropriate but hopefully they gave alice a frame for her room and kept the photos in a box for her
Obviously, this story hits close to home for me. I’ve actually been following it rather keenly since Patton’s wife’s tragic, sudden death. The turn from grief to giddy was sooo sudden, and absolutely, in his public persona …I gotta wonder what it was like privately.
Kids say lots of stuff during this time. They’re not lying, they just don’t know how they’ll feel in 6 months, a year or whatever. That’s normal for that age of development, but really can be scarring when it comes to stuff like this. I mean, my 10-year-old has trouble thinking a week, or even day, ahead, about what he’ll want to do/wear/play with/eat; forget asking a 7-year-old what she’s gonna want of her mother’s when she’s an adult. I wasn’t upset my dad gave my mom’s things away, as part of his own grieving process I’m sure, back when I was 7, because I didn’t get it. That’s stuff that hits when you’re older. When more time has passed and sentiment starts to become a thing.
My dad asked me (the first time) if I wanted him to get married him again. I didn’t dissuade him. I liked this fun lady he’d been dating who bought me presents and took me to Chuck E Cheese. (Dating is not real, everyday life for adults OR kids.) Plus, I loved my dad and didn’t want him to be mad at me.
As adults are healing and moving on, kids are just starting to really feel that huge loss and when someone else tries to step in and fill it … It can make it even worse. From the stepmother’s perspective it’s gotta be hard know you can never live up to this sainted mom that someone only knows from an adoring kid’s perspective. As an adult, I can get that. As a kid, I couldn’t and, honestly, it shouldn’t have been up to me to make that dynamic work. I didn’t have the mental ability, nor should I have had the responsibility. But damn, I felt. And Alice MUST too. I see all those tweets, all that public posturing and that’s what I instantly thinkā¦If Alice wasn’t quite as enthusiastic as claimed, she could never say. When a parent dies it’s super normal to become unnaturally terrified you’ll lose your remaining parent. To cling so very hard to them.
Now, I’m not saying this is exactly what is playing out with Alice. I’m sure Patton didn’t destroy her mother’s things/photos. But putting them away can be just as hurtful. It’s a big signal to kids that age that you’re not supposed to be talking/thinking about that person anymore. My dad didn’t intentionally destroy my mother’s things, he just gave them to her family and people he thought wanted them. Some boxes were lost in various moves, etc. I don’t recall, but might even have asked me if I wanted something particular, but I was a little kid. What little kid cares about keepsakes? I spent years getting small things back from various relatives so that I have some now and every time I would find something of hers; a Christmas ornament in an old box that hadn’t been touched, for instance — I would rejoice. Most of my life everything I had of my mother’s could fit in a single shoe box. But now my kids are growing up with more photos of a grandma they’ll never know around the house than I did.
I’m not trying to say Alice is me, or Patton is my dad … I’m just saying that this is a terrible, awful thing to happen. Everyone handles it differently, but it’s not easy for anyone. And this timeline. This effusive outpouring of love and affection. It’s red flags all over the place for me. If it were just Meredith and Patton, that’s one thing. I have zero qualms that either of them would consciously do anything that isn’t right for Alice, or themselves, but the reality of the high of a new romance vs everyday life in any household, let alone one rocked by tragically so recently, is night and day. I wish them only the best of luck, while greatly fearing they’re gonna need it.
@S, that is awful and Iām so sorry it happened to you.
I canāt believe she wrote āThis girl is mine!!ā This woman needs to grow up and stop posting so much about her personal life and think about whatās best for the child.
I was creeped out enough by her captioning the photo of Patton hugging his daughter āmy family.ā We get that sheās excited, but that just struck me as…I donāt know, overly performative or something.
I also donāt understand how anyone could think itās a good idea to remove her motherās photos from her home. Jesus.
8 months is too soon! I would say that to any friend/family member widow or not.
Happy for them. I’m a huge Patton Oswalt fan and I can say that if you look at Merideth’s Instagram etc you can see she’s really devoted to Alice and Patton. I think it was so sad that his first wife passed away but many people do say happily married men normally marry quickly when their spouses pass away. Plus they were introduced through a mutual friend and so that friend must have known that they’d be good together.
Congrats to the beautiful couple. Meredith’s dress is gorgeous and as a fellow DD/E engaged woman, I love her dress. I wish them all the happiness in the world!
I sincerely hope it’s all as joyous, happy and lovely as they portray, but nobody’s life or relationship is without conflict or strife, and if you believe you can accurately assess anyone’s true thoughts and feelings via happy posts they made on social media … Well.
i don’t really understand the comments about them looking happy in pics or on social media, surely by now most people know that what you see on social media isn’t necessarily a reflection of what goes on in real life?
maybe they are perfectly happy, sure, but we wouldn’t know from social media.
I found the “she’s mine” creepy as well, but I have been watching horror shorts on YouTube since Halloween. I just felt like I would shudder if a stepfather said it.
I’m so happy for them. Enough sadness, time for joy!
Seven years ago I would have said that it was too soon. My own mother died at 59. My dad was engaged exactly a year later. I was furious. I was upset. I thought it too soon and a kick to my mother’s memory.
However, I came around. The woman he became engaged to is a wonderful woman who wanted nothing more than to honour my mom’s memory and spoke of her often by asking questions and incorporating family tradition into her life. My dad and she waited another 9 months to get married and by then I was so happy for the both of them. She was a widow whose husband had committed suicide and they were so happy together. My dad didn’t want to erase the 34 years he was married to my mother but he was still young enough to start a new chapter in his life. He is the type of man who definitely needs a woman and my mom recognized that. When she was diagnosed with terminal cancer and told she had very little time left she reminded my sister of that and that my dad would move on and that she wanted us to be happy for him.
I wish Patton and his new bride and especially his young daughter all the happiness in the world. Alice deserves to see her father happy and to live a very happy life herself.
Congratulations to the bride and groom š
without belittling your story, and it’s great that your dad found someone, it’s not the same thing because you’re an adult.
There’s no age limit on this sort of thing.
Alice is so pretty. I’m happy for them, and I hope it all goes well!
Poor little Alice. Her face looks dubious in all of those photos. As someone whose father was remarried very quickly after my mother’s death, I know how hard this is to deal with and I hope she’s seeing a therapist regulatly. I get the sense that Patton is lovely but trying SO hard to move on…it will have repercussions for his little girl, even if she adores Metedith. I wish them all the best.
I was grossed out by this tweet by Meredith listed below. After several months of dating, the daughter is not hers, to state as ownership in all caps, MINE. She could have posted something much more sensitive.
Everything seems a bit OTT and too much social media sharing with these two in a short space of time. I hope the child doesn’t suffer and it all works out.
Meredith Salenger ā@MeredthSalenger
This little girl is MINE!!!!!!!!! #happiestauntieisnowhappiestMOM
Oh gosh, no. You do not get to call yourself her mom when that little girl lost her real mom last year. That’s Leann Rimes x 10.
yeah, i think the whole MS being now a mum is a bit too soon and too far. and way too much social media, which is never a good thing.
Amazing how social media can bring out the over-the-top, self-centered and even insensitive traits of middle-aged adults.
The little girl should dictate what she calls the new wife, in her own time. That hashtag implying new wife instantly went from Auntie to Mom is silly.
and its this insensitive behavior that makes me think they did not take into account Alice’s feelings in all of this.
Ugh, that is appalling. That little girl is not a puppy, she’s still grieving the loss of her actual mom ffs.
@Jayna: OMG thatās gross!!
I feel very sorry for his late wifeās family, and hope Alice spends a lot of time with them.
@Nicole, ITA. What was she thinking with that hashtag? Not about Aliceās feelings when she sees it some day, thatās for sure.
I felt angry on her mother’s behalf when she tweeted that. I’m telling you there is something a bit unhinged with her.
Exactly. Comes off manic. Really enjoy Patton, don’t know her, hope it all is sunshine lollipops and rainbows.
My husband’s mom died when he was young. He was denied grieving and didn’t see her grave until his twenties. Every year at her birthday he gets quiet. It is so important to let kids resolve their own relationship with parental death, without throwing the expectance of navigating a whole new relationship. Kids are resilient but damn…..
Congratulations, Natty Gann.
well, if this marriage doesn’t work out I’m sure Patton will meet, become engaged, and marry wife number 3 in just over a year as well.
It does seem fast and I can’t help but be reminded of the whole Paul McCartney/Heather Mills debacle… not saying that Meredith Salenger is anything like Heather – she was a horrible person – but just that a man who has spent most of his adult life married to one woman doesn’t know how to not be married. I mean, what’s the rush?
I was really crushed when I found out his wife died. Iām glad he found happiness and I hope this will be good for Alice. From personal experience, having lost a child, grieving has its own timeline. Everyone processes grief at their own pace and in their own way. No one can say that heās doing it wrong or too quickly. I do think heās eager for a mother figure for his daughter, but his daughter is his greatest love, I think. Heās doing this for both of them.
I long ago decided I would probably never, ever get married – but if Martha Plimpton could be persuaded to officiate my ceremony I might change my mind!
Do not judge anyone else’s grief – you don’t process it, it processes you! My mom died when I was 15 and my dad remarried less than a year later. My step mom is one of the great women in my life. I’m so happy for them. The Journey of Natty Gann was my favorite movie as a kid, followed closely by The Man From Snowy River. ā¤ā¤ā¤
Many times over the years on this site step-mothers have gotten attacked for not ‘saying the right thing.’ Step-mothers are not the children’s FIRST mothers but we are mothers…you can think of us as the second team or whatever but your children have needs that not only you can handle sometimes. Sometimes, it isn’t your weekend. Sometimes, they are too afraid of speaking directly to Dad or Mom. Step-parents are often liaisons helping children find the right way to talk about an idea or trip or whatever about. I am often offended at how insulting women on this site talk about step-mothering. If you have not been a step-mother, you really do not know the first thing about it because it is the hardest job there is. I grew up with a wonderful step-father from about 5 yrs old. He brought us stability, a better home and rules which my mother wasn’t the best about maintaining. I did not think twice about being a step-mother to 3 older step-children since my husband had been divorced 3 years. I wish someone would have said to me that they will be jealous of you, they won’t befriend you, if ever until years and years from now…not that it is not about you …but it isn’t about you. They would hate whatever women their dad brought in that made him happy and hated her. So my bottom line to some of those mothers who judge us so harshly, tell us EXACTLY WHAT LITTLE SLIVER OF YOUR LIFE YOU ARE WILLING TO SHARE WITH US THAT IS OK? Because if my husband decided to remarry and she was nice & kind I would love that someone of that quality would be happy to take on a family that ISNT’ HERS but was willing to share as much love with them as possible. What else do we really have to have from our step-parents who are educated, well-read, loving people. After 27 years, ground has been made and the only thorn in our side has been the ex-wife who left my husband to begin with. I just live my life and try to invite everyone for holidays and it is up to them to come. Some ppl need to understand you place and ad for full-time person (step-parent) but then, don’t want to share any glory and graduations, etc. Sometimes, Bonus Moms have been relavent to the changes boundaries of families.
Clearly he rushed it. But men do move on fast. She rubs me the wrong way how she keeps calling Alice ‘mine!!!!”… its so disrespectful to her mother. And no matter how much she loves the child she will never be her mother.
I hope its not a case of Patton being desperate to recreate that home life and Meredith at 47 being desperate for a child and husband. They barely know each other.
I do wonder how Michelle’s family feel. I noticed on instagram that Patton does nit follow any of her sisters. Hmm
I love Patton, and while he and Meredith seem really devoted to each other, I couldn’t help but be a somewhat skeeved out by their relationship since they went public in the summer, particularly by the oversharing on social media. Meredith’s weirdly specific hashtags come off as a little desperate, especially.