How long can you listen to Heidi Montag’s new song?


Kaiser included Heidi Montag’s new single yesterday in the links but judging by the lack of howling in the comments, my guess is not many of you listened to it. Ah-ah-ah, my lovelies – if I have to listen to this then Imma need all the emotional support I can get, so you need to listen too. Much like Katie/CB taking one for the team on the Pumpkin Spice Kit Kat, I’m doing the same with this. Okay, here we go…

But first, it occurs to me that maybe some of you didn’t know Heidi was releasing a new single. I wrote about her threatening this career move a while back and she made good on it. And here it is…

Before we get started, you should know that Heidi actually had a music career seven years ago. Not so much as had a career but released a couple of unfortunate songs. This time it’s different, though. This is her foray into Christian Pop Music, with an emphasis on “positive message(s)”. *Deep breath* Okay, let’s do this for real…:

How long did you make it? Anyone who stuck around for longer than 23 seconds, take a lollipop from the bowl. Good lord, that was actually worse than I thought it was going to be. How does a song simultaneously annoy and bore you? The music sounds like a pre-packaged background score for film-making software. And the lyrics are – whew. Is half of Make Speidi Famous Again really trying to impress upon us that beauty and fortunes aren’t worth selling your soul? I can’t be convinced she actually means this as she’s still actively pursuing both. And sorry, but I hardly think these folks should be giving any thoughts on money. I mean, we know this song didn’t result from a lucrative record contract so if this is how they’re still wasting their cash, they’re getting it wrong. I know Heidi was hoping for the Christian market, but I think she’s going to need to inject a little more church in her lyrics if she wants them to bite. I know churches adopt secular songs into their services all the time, but those songs are, well – good.

I have good and bad news about Speidi: they are scheduling a second baby for 2020. I’m not being funny in my wording, that’s what Spencer told Kit Hoover at Access Live, “2020, I hear on our schedule that there is another baby planned. It’s been put in the calendar.” Their son Gunner is adorable and another baby is a wonderful thing so that’s the good news. The fact that Speidi keeps a calendar on which they chart out all their career moves is the bad news. Unless we could just get to that calendar…



I think I might try being an astronaut next. But, like, a Christian one – with a positive message

Photo credit: WENN Photos and YouTube

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51 Responses to “How long can you listen to Heidi Montag’s new song?”

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  1. Digital Unicorn says:

    OMG, it sounds like a bad Taylor Swift tribute act.

    • whatWHAT? says:

      you’re giving her too much credit.

      when the music starts, it literally sounds like the background music for Super Mario. and even with autotune, her voice is TERRIBLE. no melody at all.

      she’d probably be more successful if she started a “fashion line”.

  2. Jane says:

    I made to 45 seconds and that was it. That auto tune and her actual voice was just awful.

    • babsjohnson says:

      Same! I thought I could make it but the chorus killed me right away.

      • Jane says:

        The chorus almost made my ears hurt. She was just so lifeless. At the same rate, the lyrics were positively ridiculous.

    • BeanieBean says:

      I made it all the way to one minute, which is when you first hear the words, ‘glitter & glory’. Gah, she’s not a singer & Hecate is right, they’ll be broke in no time if this is how they spend their money, trying to make her a recording artist of any genre.

    • Nicegirl says:

      Same! 😉45 seconds was it, 🤮

  3. LadyT says:

    It’s crazy listening to her sing words about not wanting fame and possessions. Just look at her- she’s false and superficial from head to toe. Strikingly incongruous.

  4. LeaTheFrench says:

    This is gloriously awful.

  5. OriginalRose says:

    It defintely made me say “jesus christ” a few times so perhaps that was the goal?

  6. Darkladi says:

    about 20 seconds…
    Bless her heart

  7. babsjohnson says:

    Gunner has an unfortunate name but he is too cute ! My son does the exact same funeral face in every picture, lol

  8. Dina says:

    I got through close to 2 minutes of it and I really don’t feel good about it, hahah. SO BAD.

  9. Gutterflower says:

    I want the whole damn bowl.

  10. Sue Denim says:

    Sorry, I couldn’t get past the navy polka dot shorts suit w brown socks… What is amazing tho is they do seem to have really connected and stayed together all these years…go figure…

    • whatWHAT? says:

      I didn’t event take the time to look at the outfits. oh my dog.

      that “shorts suit” he has on with the brown socks is just terrible. and her 70s jumpsuit? GAH, that is so fugly. literally looks like something my mother made out of double-knit poly for me when I was in second grade. I know hers must have cost thousands (Gucci!) but it’s still fug.

      and the Kids’ Choice Awards red carpet outfit? some sort of logo-covered “dress shirt” tucked into track pants? orange sox with red “skeleton” shoes? looks like he got dressed in the dark, for realz.

    • JennyJenny says:

      And he has poor Gunnar dressed in the same outfits as his in both photos….Child abuse! ; )

  11. Spicecake38 says:

    1:32 ,it’s awful,but I wasn’t expecting anything else. Such a hypocrite,because she’s singing about not wanting the very thing she’s pursuing.

  12. CharliePenn says:

    I’m ready for what this comment may bring…

    Is it REALLY a good thing that they are having another child?
    The world is wildly overpopulated. Humans are consuming the earth ten times faster than it can restore itself. False ideologies are ruling many countries right now. And these two are the kind of mindless, thoughtless, consuming morons that the world simply does not need more of. they are vapid and greedy. They will not raise children who will grow up to be the kind of people this world needs.

    I have the same (evil?) thoughts about people I know. Like a trump-supporting, no-education, truly obnoxious couple I know who are trying for their third child. The world does not need more of you!!

    As far as her music… wow. A mess. And she does seem like a sweet person, despite being a vapid fame whore, and her voice has a touch of sweetness to it but it’s overcome by her inability to sing and the terrible nature of the song itself.

  13. Mia4s says:

    Hahahaha! You can’t fool me, where’s the real song that someone actually paid money to produce?….oh….OH. 🤢

  14. Elizabeth says:

    My word – the amount of auto tune. My church will not be playing this.

    As an aside, I applaud anyone that is introspective and seeks more spiritual fulfillment. But I am not convinced this just isn’t a ploy from “Speidi.”

    • pottymouth pup says:

      I actually caught part of the hills with her recording it – they are all so very delusional about her lack of vocal talent

  15. Other Renee says:

    Wow, that’s just bad on every possible level. I’ve never seen anything these two have been in, so just going on articles about them, they do seem solid as a family. They actually act like a committed couple and good parents. They seem to have taken their wedding vows seriously, unlike too many other Hollywood couples.

  16. Veronica S says:

    00:49s. Keep the lollipop. I’ve lost my appetite. If that’s what God is asking for these days, the Luciferan cults are right.

  17. Harryg says:

    18 seconds.

  18. JennyJenny says:


    But I’ll still take her warbling over that howling Housewife sow Kim Zolciak!

  19. MariaS says:

    15 seconds. It’s actually worse than I thought and I thought it would be complete garbage.

  20. Dragonlady sakura says:

    I had to stop listening when the neighbors dog started howling.

  21. ojulia123 says:

    I made it to 57 seconds. I…don’t know what to say.

  22. Rice says:

    (Un)fortunately, the link says “Video unavailable” 😀

  23. barbwire says:

    maybe the Democrats should pipe this filibuster of a track over the White House sound system…who knows…maybe Trump will surrender

  24. Yes Doubtful says:

    One minute. Her voice is as flat as a pancake…

  25. Beadlady says:

    There’s 20 seconds of my life that I’ll never get back. Ugh. Can they just go away quietly again?

  26. Molly Fulton says:

    My god, my god! Why hast thou forsaken me? That was tragic, and I didn’t think it could be worse than the tacky cover photo. Thoughts and prayers.

  27. Nicegirl says:

    Only listened cuz you’re such a kick ass team player, H. 💕😉😎🖖🏽

  28. Ang says:

    Not going to buy this one, they are trying to hard , and what the hell with Spencer in that bottom photo the blue short set and those socks? I can’t believe the Hills reboot got renewed.

  29. SuperStef says:

    Dammit Hecate, I listened to this just for you. Pain is love, right?

    The song itself doesn’t seem so bad but her autotuned voice just screams torture. This woman has no discernable talent. She seems like a nice girl but her music sucked 10 years ago and it sucks worse now!

  30. Texas says:

    Christian Pop? Of course. What an absolutely calculated move. It might work. She looks the part.

  31. Debra Horn says:

    I am so sorry. But I kinda liked it. I liked her voice…and I thought the production was pretty good. There are worse singers out there.

  32. Jace says:

    So awful!!! Skipped around.. could not. I saw 15 mins of their new spin off.. LOL

  33. Trashaddict says:

    Nope. Just Nope. Can’t even start it. Can’t get past the tacky outfits.

  34. susan says:

    the look on the kids’ face says it all