Yesterday, I was trying to avoid writing one single word about Michael Lohan. Even if I think Michael “Vagina-Kicker” Lohan might have a somewhat valid point about something, that’s really no excuse to give him a platform. Plus, there was plenty to talk about with Lindsay’s arrest and everything, and as it turns out, Michael Lohan was barely part of any of that. He might see himself as the self-appointed Greek chorus of this crack-tragedy, but he is not. And besides all of that, I was just waiting to hear what crack-delusions Dina Lohan, Mother Crackie herself, would have to spread about Lindsay’s arrest. I really hate that Dina did not drop an old-school “THE PROOF IS IN THE FACTS!” on us. Sigh.
Lindsay Lohan’s mother, Dina, has released a statement to RadarOnline.com about her daughter’s recent legal troubles and Thursday morning arrest asking for privacy and noting that the tough times bring their family closer together.
“At this time I kindly ask that you extend to my family the time we need to address my daughter’s circumstances with the appropriate parties. As a mother you always love and pray for the best with all your children,” Dina said.
“Our family’s bond grows deeper and stronger during the tough times and I am beyond proud of all of my children for the love and devotion they provide for each other.”
Dina goes on to say that she will stand by Lindsay — and all of her children — no matter what.
“We are there for and stand by one another unconditionally. Many thanks to all that have expressed concern for my daughter,” she said. “Your compassionate thoughts and prayers are received with my deepest gratitude.”
Lindsay, 26, was arrested and charged with third-degree assault after she allegedly hit fellow partier Tiffany Eve Mitchell on Thursday morning at a Manhattan nightclub.
Just hours later, Lindsay was formally charged with three misdemeanors by the Santa Monica City Attorney for lying to police about her June car accident on the Pacific Coast Highway when her Porsche slammed into the back of a big-rig.
Dina’s ex-husband and Lindsay’s father, Michael Lohan, exclusively told RadarOnline.com of Lindsay’s bar brawl arrest:
“Both [Dina] and Lindsay are in a dark place. I TOLD you exactly what would happen and YOU KNOW I was trying to get Dina on board with me for a long time, BUT especially the last two weeks. Lindsay is acting out in numerous ways because she needs us and internally she’s hurt and angry! Again, it’s ALL on Dina and I wish to God she would stop and resolve things with us to do the same for our children.”
One, it is NOT “all” on Dina, you crack monster. It takes two cracked-out disasters to raise a delusional psycho like the Cracken, and congrats Michael, you totally did your part. As for Dina’s statement…I’d like to fix it for you:
“At this time I kindly ask that you extend to [me and my case of tequila] the time we need to address my daughter’s [crack-headedness] with the appropriate parties [meaning I’ll call her lawyer and manager and tell them Lindsay will pay them in blow and services from now on if they save her ass from this crack escapade]. As a mother you always love and pray for the best with all your children, [especially when one special child is paying all of your bills and has been since she was 14 years old so I just can’t say ‘no’ to that crackface, amirite?]”
“Our family’s bond grows deeper and stronger during the [crack] times and I am beyond proud of all of my children for the love and devotion they provide for each other. [They had to learn how to provide that love and support for each other because I was such an awful mother, it’s like my kids would have been better off being raised by crack wolves.]”
“We are there for and stand by one another unconditionally [unless we can turn state’s evidence against the other one for a sweet plea deal, in which case CALL ME!]. Many thanks to all that have expressed concern for my daughter [Yes, she will be honoring all of her escort gigs for now]. Your compassionate thoughts and prayers are received with my deepest gratitude [because that’s what everybody needs to be doing right now, praying for a dumb crackhead who can’t go one month without screwing up. Screw praying for homeless people or veterans or refugees or the victims of Hurricane Sandy. Pray for Crackie.]“
Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet and Pacific Coast News.