Lindsay Lohan was a creepy, cracked-out stalker with her 18-year-old boyfriend

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Yay! We get to do Cracken Mad Libs today! It’s my early Christmas present to you guys. We’ll do the Crack Mad Libs at the end of the post. For now… do you remember how Lindsay was probably hooking up with Liam Neeson’s son Michael, who is only 18 years old? And do you remember how we’ve heard some variation on “Lindsay’s dating a teenager” about thirty times since she’s been out of rehab? Well, I really do think that many of those stories are true. I think she’s been banging 18 and 19 year olds for months now, because her cracked-out mindset is still in that “I’m 17 and super-famous!” place (when in fact she’s 27 and cracked-out). Well, Page Six has an interesting story about Lohan and her jailbait of the moment:

Lindsay Lohan has been hanging with a group of high-flying teenagers since her stint in rehab — but even the youth crowd seems to have tired of the 27-year-old “actress” because she’s just too “childish.”

Sources say premature cougar Lohan even creepily crashed a recent party for the “Rich Kids of Instagram” crowd — where her former love ­interest, 18-year-old male model Morgan O’Connor, was hanging with friends — and then ordered all the young women there to leave before locking herself in a bedroom.

“She finds out where Morgan is, then shows up and causes problems,” said a friend of the dreadlocked model, adding that Lohan was recently miffed O’Connor hadn’t returned her calls, then tracked him down and caused a scene.

“Morgan was staying at the Dream Downtown, and Lindsay showed up and found out which room he was in,” said a spy. “She knocked on his door, came in and started bitching Morgan out. She was ordering all the girls to leave, telling one that her Balmain jeans were fake. She said she wouldn’t leave till they all left. These kids are 18.”

A witness said hotel security arrived and, “They honestly didn’t know what to do. They assumed it was Lohan’s room.” Then, Lindsay “called her dad and locked herself in a bedroom and wouldn’t come out,” our source said. “It’s childish stuff. She’s chronically distraught. Every time she comes around, she causes problems. Morgan’s modeling, he’s going to the gym, working for charities — he’s got stuff to do. He doesn’t want to be around Lindsay or her behavior.”

A source said that when Lohan subsequently spotted O’Connor — son of Newport and Palm Beach socialite and former Town & Country covergirl Pamela O’Connor, and a face of Polo’s spring 2014 collection — with a girl his own age at LIV in Miami, she “ran up and kissed him, then tried to kick the girl out.”

Lohan has also been linked to model Liam Dean, 19, and Liam Neeson’s teen son Michael. O’Connor couldn’t be reached. Lohan’s rep didn’t get back to us. A Dream rep wouldn’t comment.

[From Page Six]

This story is perfection. I want to show this story to all of the people who were like “Lindsay has changed, she’s really got her act together now!” At this point, this mess isn’t just about her sobriety – although let’s be clear, she’s NOT sober – it’s about the fact that she’s an immature, histrionic drama queen who can only exist if she’s in the center of some self-perpetuating crack drama.

There’s also some BS story about Lindsay wanting to “return” to music and how a label called “SMH Records” is interested in her. SMH = shaking my head? As in… is Lindsay being trolled? I hope so.

Cracken Mad Libs (just cut & paste in the comment section!):

Lindsay Lohan entered the ____ , looking like a _____. “______!?” she screamed at ____. Not waiting for an answer, she ____ through the ___ until she found ____. When she came upon ___, she started squawking: “______! ______!” Then she locked herself in the ___ and called ___. When security came for her, she _____. As security dragged her out, her last words were to a random blonde: “Your ____ are fake.”

FFN_DCOHEN_JingcleBall_121413_51286421

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and Instagram.

 

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105 Responses to “Lindsay Lohan was a creepy, cracked-out stalker with her 18-year-old boyfriend”

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  1. ldub says:

    oh big news! tear out the front page!!

  2. Jennabean says:

    In other news Friday comes after Thursday on the calendar.

  3. Whitney says:

    Gosh, and to think I was secretly deep-down rooting for her to turn herself around. Clearly I was a ridiculous fool because there is just no changing this one, is there?

  4. K-rock says:

    Sounds like the same crazy drama that went down with Sam Ronson and we all know how that ended.

    Rehab doesn’t change peoples core personalities. Sober or not, she is still going to behave like a delusional brat who throws tantrums when she doesn’t get her way. I hope Oprah is paying attention. And Oprah doesn’t take too kindly to being bull-shitted. I wonder if Lindsay will still get her pay from Oprah.

    Stay tuned……..

  5. j.eyre says:

    I had Mr. Rochester provide the answers:

    Lindsay Lohan entered the soap, looking like a knife. “Odelay!?” she screamed at Albert Einstein. Not waiting for an answer, she observed through the shirt until she found the dressing room. When she came upon Jasper Johns, she started squawking: “Caramba! Land o’ goshen!” Then she locked herself in the powder room and called John Entwistle. When security came for her, she hang glided. As security dragged her out, her last words were to a random blonde: “Your doors are fake.”

  6. Patricia says:

    It’s so sad so sad. She’s so miserable. I have returned to feeling bad for her. I mean, stalking an 18 year old guy. Come on!

    • bettyrose says:

      I dunno. Yeah, it’s really sad. She’s a girl who was probably thrust onto the casting couch by her own mother at a tender young age – and the psychological damage is clearly extreme – but the other side of things is that she really has had a gazillion chances to get help.

      On a side note, when I was 19, I had a 19 year old roommate (female) who befriended a 27 year old male “returning student” on our campus who routinely came to her for relationship advice when he was fighting with his live in girlfriend. I was like “dude, we’re 19″ because to me that was a thousand years away from 27, but some people just don’t ever grow up.

  7. Sixer says:

    It’s Christmas, so I’m doing Narnia:

    Lindsay Lohan entered the wardrobe , looking like a Pevensey sibling on crack. “Aslan!?” she screamed at Puddleglum the Marshwiggle. Not waiting for an answer, she crack-waded through the Narnian snow until she found The White Witch When she came upon The White Witch, she started squawking: “Turkish delight! Don’t you have crack flavour?!” Then she locked herself in the wardrobe and called JK Rowling. When security came for her, she realised it was the wrong author – what with her lack of parental cultural capital, she DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT NARNIA. As security dragged her out, her last words were to a random blonde: “Your books are fake. Have you never seen the film?”

  8. QQ says:

    She is just pure dramatic trash! But how adorbs to see that dating almost minors cause they dont know how ridiculous you are/act/think/look is not just the province of Leonardo di caprio and assorted moneyed hollywood creeps

  9. ennie says:

    OMG, @Virgilia C, your new daughter in law!!!

  10. Tracy says:

    Those poor kids. Leave them alone, Lindsay!

  11. lourdesdx says:

    Lindsay Lohan entered the V.I.P section, looking like a tangy cheese Doritos . “Where is Brute!?” she screamed at a blank point in the space. Not waiting for an answer, she sashayed through the room until she found Paris Hilton. When she came upon her , she started squawking: “DIE! DIE!” Then she locked herself in the bathroom and called Charles Manson. When security came for her, she screamed :Look at the snow in my nose!. As security dragged her out, her last words were to a random blonde: “Your fake nails are fake.”

  12. nk868 says:

    how much do you think lindsay HATES jennifer lawrence in the most delusional cracked out way? i bet she is thinking jlaw “stole her career”

    • Lee says:

      I’ve thought this before – and I think to a slightly lesser degree Kristen Stewart as well. She’s made digs at both in the past year. She probably thought Hollywood would STOP without their reigning teen queen and can’t stand that instead she was replaced by more charismatic, professional actresses.

      Even though Kristen’s career has been more low key in the past year, Lindsay would still kill for her press command and fan base, much less the kind of blind adoration and roles offered to Jennifer.

    • swack says:

      @28blue – Were there any pictures of her entering the party at the mansion down in Miami where problems popped up? Where there any of her leaving? NO! Just because there aren’t pictures doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. Also, think I read the hotel they were at belongs to Vikram, one of her buddies, so the possibility is that she knows all the back entrances. Just saying. She obviously is NOT on a good track because she continues to party til all hours of the morning (and not just this instance).

  13. Secret Squirrel says:

    What do you mean “was” a creepy, cracked out stalker?? I think past, present and future tense are all applicable here.

  14. momosays says:

    This is so pathetic, but I’ve read somewhere that when you are an addict, your emotional self freezes at whatever age you started using and it takes a very long period of sobriety to mature and since she started so young it doesn’t look she’s going to move past the party stage for a very long time now…so sad. I’m the same age as her and I haven’t been out to a club in like 2 years.

  15. doofus says:

    she’s probably thinking “all these 18 year-olds are so psyched to be able to hang out with an older movie star!” and they’re thinking “what kind of 27 year-old celeb hangs out with 18 year-olds?”

    and while it sucks to be stalked by a cracked-out hasbeen, I don’t have a lot of sympathy for this guy. if you choose to socialize with her even once, you deserve what you get. how can you NOW know what she’s like?!

    • 28blue says:

      How do you know what really went down? This story paints him as Casanova, pics of him I seen he looks like one of the dudes I walk by on Union Square trying to sell me novelty bongs. His PR team are not that creative.

      • doofus says:

        based on your replies in this thread so far, I’d say “hi LiLo!” except that you spelled “vitriol” correctly so you can’t possibly be her.

        oh, wait…spell check…

      • 28blue says:

        I am not Lilo or Dina for that matter. Just someone who periodically reads this site when there legit fun articles, but the Lindsay stuff has gotten way over brutal to the point of willing her to self destruct to feel vindicated. I get it that is to get hits on the site and ad revenue, but it has become tiresome to say the least for those searching for blood on one celeb while praising others close to deities ( *cough*RDJ*cough*). Just an observation and seeing no one is perfect, or akin to a war criminal/pedophile due to their mistakes.

      • doofus says:

        and apparently sarcasm is lost on enablers. le sigh…

      • Lou says:

        No one is comparing Lindsay to a paedophile. We’re just comparing her to washed-up has-beens. Massive difference, yo.

        If you don’t like the Lindsay stories, don’t read them, That’s how I do the Kardashian stories. Ignoooooore.

    • janie says:

      Day late here…. I just have one question? Who is footing the bills for all this travel and parties? I read her apartment was paid for 2yrs in advance? Is Oprah financing this party lifestyle? Where do these people get their money? Who wears a T-shirt & thigh high boots to a Christmas event? Seriously? Where’s her pants? This chick is pushing 30.

  16. Babou says:

    At this point, I am wondering if all this crack drama is not encouraged by Oprah. Seems like Lindsay’s shenanigans would make up for a really good reality series on OWN Network, right?

  17. anoneemouse says:

    Lindsay Lohan entered the crack house, looking like a train wreck. “DON’T YOU KNOW WHO I AM!?” she screamed at the garbage can. Not waiting for an answer, she punched through the wall until she found the crack stash. When she came upon it, she started squawking: “IT’S MINE! IT’S ALL MINE!” Then she locked herself in the basement and called her Father. When security came for her, she denied that she was Lindsay Lohan. As security dragged her out, her last words were to a random blonde: “Your tits are fake.”

  18. Garrett says:

    There’s the Lindsay we all know.

    Lindsay Lohan entered the VIP room, looking like a bad sun burned oompa loompa. “ OMG!?” she screamed at security. Not waiting for an answer, she punched through the gypsies until she found Barron Hilton. When she came upon him, she started squawking: “I didn’t see anything! F*** c**!” Then she locked herself in the bathroom and called Michael Lohan. When security came for her, she threw a temper tantrum and told them to move that table because she is Lindsay Lohan. As security dragged her out, her last words were to a random blonde: “Your weaves are fake.”

    • Bex says:

      I think he’s her cracked out go to person – especially when she needs someone to bail her out or tell her side of the story to the press or authorities (aka LIE). Dina probably has her own messes to worry about so she’s got to get attention somewhere. I say that jokingly but it’s kind of sad.

    • jwoolman says:

      28blue- Lindsay really does have a pattern of calling her dad when she’s in trouble, much to her mother’s dismay. He’s also an easy way to get her version to the tabloids, since he records everything and instantly skipperdees over to TMZ and RadarOnline with the whole story. He’s been doing this for years, so she’s hardly caught unawares by his blabbing. I’m sure she counts on it. I suspect they share the money.

      For instance, she called dad in Miami after her recent little incident, and after she got back to New York she was photographed letting her dad into her building. And throughout. Michael was a named source in the tabloids giving her various versions of what happened. (Yes, my hobby is Lindsay watching. Easier than bird watching, especially when living with cats.)

  19. Jayna says:

    People who thought she was turning her life around after getting out of rehab and no reports of her for a while don’t understand. She has a $2 million deal with Oprah for that show they filmed. Something happened right after she got out and supposedly Oprah read the riot act to her and basically said she wouldn’t get the $2 million. After that you never saw or heard a peep out of her. I guess she got her money and now good old Lindsay is out and about and headlines every week again.

    She’s a loser. At a party until four in the morning where coke is, hanging around with spoiled rich kids. She’s really matured and changed, hasn’t she?

    • 28blue says:

      Again where is the evidence (i.e photos and video), of her leaving the clubs at these times? TMZ would be front and center with this stuff top of the morning. If Oprah knew then the docu-series would have been shut down. When has this kid and Lindsay been seen together in NYC? Speculation and venom to feed gossip bloggers that already hate her anyway, but need the hits and comments from their choirs.

      • Garrett says:

        Check the the tweets from the public and the instagram pics. There’s your evidence.

      • 28blue says:

        From who? If this model wanted to put her on blast Eminem style he would have posted pics of her “fail” on his twitter or instagram. All the girls fiending for him would have gotten a quick cellphone pic of Lindsay being an asshole and sold to Radar or any third rate media source. Just hearsay from a spy who may have saw Lindsay and spin a salacious weekend story for the bloggers to chew before the holidays.

      • jwoolman says:

        28blue- Lindsay isn’t really stalked by the paps. She calls them and even sets up scenes for them (google Lindsay Lohan, teddy bear, and ronson for an example). Read the NYT article about the making of The Canyons – she was able to easily cut deals with the paps. So usually when she doesn’t want attention, she doesn’t get it. It’s easy for her to slip in and out of places without photo evidence.

  20. Amy says:

    Do these latest pics make anyone else wonder if she’s changed her face recently? She looks….different.

  21. kbomb000 says:

    Lindsay Lohan entered the BATHROOM, looking like a DRIED UP PIECE OF ORANGE VINYL. “WHERE’S MY SELF ESTEEM!?” she screamed at HERSELF IN THE MIRROR. Not waiting for an answer, she SKULKED through the BAR until she found ALI. When she came upon HER SOBRIETY COACH, she started squawking: “THIS BOTTLE HAS WATER IN IT! WHY DOESN’T ANYONE BELIEVE ME!” Then she locked herself in the COATCHECK and called DINA. When security came for her, she INDIGNANTLY TOLD THEM THEY WERE ALL GOING TO BE FIRED. As security dragged her out, her last words were to a random blonde: “Your CONVICTIONS OF MY BEING A CRADLE ROBBER are fake.”

  22. P.J. says:

    “Morgan’s modeling, he’s going to the gym, working for charities — he’s got stuff to do.”

    Did anyone else have a major giggle at this? :D This article really IS about an 18 year old. LOL.

    • 28blue says:

      Yeah. I believe Lindsay and him are friends, nothing more. His management is looking for notoriety by association, generate buzz form him in the Gotham fashion circuit by feeding this ”story” to the Post for exposure. The public didn’t know about him until the Baron Hilton “Brawl” and now he wants to be a serious career model. Again the source is NY Post Page Six yet bloggers like Lainey and CDAN take as truth no matter the inaccuracies due to blind hate. Now that’s sad.

      • Jonesy says:

        Although i think he could be looking to get his name in the paper, he is a Ralph Lauren model thats more of a legit job that lindsay has had in a long time. I follow lindsay on instagram (dont judge she is entertaining) Lindsay used to follow him on instagram. And after that Barron Hilton drama she unfollowed him. He on the other hand started following Barron Hilton after that drama, apparently they are friends. So i totally think there was something to that drama thats been reported.

      • 28blue says:

        I am not aware of the instagram following. I NEVER saw a photo of her and this dude on her account or mentioned frequently on her twitter handle. Her family, friends, and business associates seem to be her priority at the moment from her social media feeds. I think the unfollowing has some to due to avoiding the bad pub from the Baron Hilton mess. The Hilton kid haven’t been making a ruckus about lawsuits and criminal charges as of late.

        The model from the look of things probably want more heat than just looking good in Polo shirts.

      • Tiffany :) says:

        “he is a Ralph Lauren model thats more of a legit job that lindsay has had in a long time”

        So true!

      • Funtimes18 says:

        Do you not realize how much criminal activity she has been charged with? Every Judge has told her to stay out of the clubs and stop being around drug users. What is she doing at 4, 5, 6 in the morning??? Holding a prayer circle? She’s a convicted criminal! You’re a very gullible person to believe she’s not out doing drugs. People don’t stay out all night/every night naturally. You have to have help to do that. It’s called Adderral or X. Do you always defend convicted criminals?

  23. Jessica says:

    Lindsay Lohan entered the RESTAURANT , looking like a FIRECROTCH. “IM HUNGRY!?” she screamed at THE WAITER. Not waiting for an answer, she CARTWHEELED through the LOUNGE until she found A BOWL OF CREAM OF SOME YOUNG GUY. When she came upon THE BOWL, she started squawking: “MAHOOKAWAKALEEKIE COMEONYAWANNALAYME!” Then she locked herself in the BATHROOM and called THE SPOON A FORK. When security came for her, she SANG COME BY YAH. As security dragged her out, her last words were to a random blonde: “Your VOICES are fake.”

  24. Toto says:

    This kid and his friends are big party people they dont even hide it. Makes me think there is no way Lilo is sober.They are also filthy rich kids, heirs to this and that, so that might be another incentive.

    • 28blue says:

      Why she would attach her to socialite scion for money when Oprah is paying her $2 million for the docu-series( along with the royalties from her career)? Plus she friends with people twice her age, celebrity and not, so this article makes no sense and bitter tone. Like they forcing her to be Norma Desmond, gossip pages and bloggers alike, but are grasping straws when she shows up healthy,cheerful, and interactive with fans or others. Befuddling to say the least.

      • Lori says:

        Is “28blue” Dina Lohan or Lindsays publicist? She/He is replying to every commentator on this article. LOL

      • 28blue says:

        Time on my hands since it is my day off. I found the time reply to you all because 1) This Page Six story is ridiculous as it is funny, written probably by a green skin blogger patching previous stories. And 2) Every gossip site with a Captain Ahab eye for Lindsay jump on this story with little insight or wit what so ever. Same old recycled churn that she never changed or she should OD, while still writing about her and given her press. They hate her but sill devote space on their site as a digital effigy or strawman(girl) to focus their negativity.

      • Lady D says:

        She has no money. Between her lawyers, lost lawsuits, busted apartment/car leases, that 2 mill is gone. She lost half of her Scary Movie paycheque for her actions, she made 15 grand on The Canyons. She’s a clothes/handbag hoarder and I wonder what her monthly crack bill is. Last time her residuals were mentioned both her and Dina said (on tmz) they were going to her ex-manager Lou, to pay what she owed her. That was why they couldn’t use them to pay Shawn.
        It’s good of you to stick up for her. There are many on this forum who did the same at one time. A lot of us were rooting for her. We all learned.

      • swack says:

        Didn’t Oprah’s people come out saying she didn’t get that much? Nobody knows for sure how much she got for this project.

      • 28blue says:

        Well I still stick up for her because she’s young and still learning about navigating fame/Life. Another aspect is she still resilient on rebuilding her life and goals with her circumstances, considering other young stars of days of old would have caved in or worse and never return. Her detractors have to give to her for still having a smile and sense of humor about her troubles. There is a talent/skill of maintaining some sense of composer. Maybe a core of her acting talent.
        I think she far from being bankrupt due to still having opportunities, meager or major, that people still have an interest in her well being. She not in Gary Busey or Stephen Baldwin territory, where tax liens are small compared to tax evasion or public filing for Chapter 11. They don’t have the level of royalties owe to them like her.

      • jwoolman says:

        28blue- she’s not getting 2 million from Oprah. Not even close. That’s an old PR trick- grossly overstate the fee in hopes that this will help in future negotiations. Same thing happened with Playboy. After her lawyer’s cut, her mother’s cut, the IRS, and other creditors lining up for their share- won’t be much left. She has a serious financial problem. Her credit options are just about zero at this point.

        She’s not very young. At her age, I had finished my Ph.D. and had been teaching at university level for a couple of years and had my own house and an elderly cat to take care of. Many people have children starting school at that age. Lindsay drifts aimlessly like a very young person (she’s basically homeless) but she isn’t actually young.

      • Lou says:

        28blue, Lindsay isn’t young. I’m 27 and I know better. She needs to grow up. Full sympathy from me for the drug addiction, but zero sympathy for the asshole behaviour. She acts like a silly little girl. How old does she have to be before people like you realise that she’s not a child anymore?

  25. St says:

    Lindsay Lohan entered the OSCARS RED CARPET, looking like GRACE KELLY. “HOW ARE YOU, HONEY!?” she screamed at ANGELINA JOLIE. Not waiting for an answer, she ELEGANTLY WENT through the CROWD OF A-LISTERS until she found ENTER TO THE MAIN HALL AND CEREMONY STARTED. When she came upon TO THE PODIUM TO RECEIVE HER OSCAR, she started squawking: “THANK YOU ACADEMY! I APPRECIATE IT!” Then she locked herself in the BATHROOM OF PSYCH WARD SHE WAS IN and called FOR NURSE, HYSTERICALLY SHAKING HER TOOTHBRUSH. When security came for her, she WAS STILL THANKING ACADEMY. As security dragged her out, her last words were to a random blonde: “Your BOOBS are fake.”

  26. LilyT says:

    Lindsay Lohan entered the BRAZILIAN BROTHEL looking like an EMPLOYEE. “Why aren’t you looking at ME I’m a STAR!?” she screamed at A FRIGHTENED OLD MAN. Not waiting for an answer, she CRACK TWERKED through the crowd until she found THE BAR. When she came upon JUSTIN BIEBER , she started squawking: “IM A REAL BELIEBER! CHOOSE ME!” Then she locked herself in the CLOSET and called HER DEALER. When security came for her, she SCREAMED “I CAN HAVE YOU KILLED! DONT YOU KNOW WHO I AM?”. As security dragged her out, her last words were to a random blonde: “Your CHANEL PASTIES are fake.”

  27. Nicolette says:

    I’m sorry, WAS a creepy cracked-out stalker? When did she stop being one?

  28. Kaiser says:

    I love everyone’s creativity with the Crack Mad Libs. You bitches are the best!

  29. Mandy says:

    I know right? I am a couple of years younger than Lohan and i cant think of anyone my age who would want to go to a party with a bunch of 18 year olds let alone get so desperate that they stalk them. How embarrassing…. Doesnt she have an 18 year old brother, is this one of her brothers friends? Creepy.

  30. Nikki says:

    At this point, I’m thinking she no longer needs rehab and now needs a stint in a mental health facility, a la Bynes. her problems go a lot deeper than just drugs and booze.

  31. WendyNerd says:

    Lindsay Lohan entered the Bass Pro Ship , looking like a Mogwi. “SPACE DUCK!?” she screamed at the giant mechanical moose. Not waiting for an answer, she ran through the children’s section until she found a pair of ruby slippers. When she came upon a sales associate, she started squawking: “SCREW THE RULES! I HAVE MONEY!” Then she locked herself in the back room and called for a cocktail. When security came for her, she pooped herself. As security dragged her out, her last words were to a random blonde: “Your police reports are fake.”

  32. LilyT says:

    Lindsay Lohan entered the FASHION SHOW , looking like a MANIC BAG LADY “WHY ARE YOU WEARING MY DRESS!?” she screamed at A TERRIFIED MODEL. Not waiting for an answer, she CLAWED HER WAY through the crowd until she found KANYE WEST. When she came upon KIM K she started squawking: “I BET YOUR BOOTY IS FULL OF CRACK NOM NOM NOM!” Then she locked herself in the DRESSING ROOM and called HER THERAPIST. When security came for her, she FLASHED SOME BOOB AND RAN. As security dragged her out, her last words were to a random blonde: “Your NIPPLES are fake.”

  33. Suzkin33 says:

    It seems like lots of young woman thrust into fame like to pull a “Wooderson” (Matthew McConaughey circa Dazed & Confused): they keep getting older but the kids stay the same!! Taylor Swift is a great example too!

  34. Anorexicsupermodel says:

    Lindsay Lohan entered the Betty Ford Clinic looking like a heroin junky “Move that cone, I’m lindsay lohan!?” she screamed at the nurse. Not waiting for an answer, she searched through the pharmacy until she found some horse tranquilizers. When she came upon a fresh batch of meth she started squawking: “MINE! ALL MINE, Muahahaha!!” Then she locked herself in the storage closet and called Samantha Ronson. When security came for her, she began crying. As security dragged her out, her last words were to a random blonde: “Your tits are fake.”

  35. Debbie says:

    I’m 46, I never drink enough water, and it’s winter. But my hands still look better than Lindsay Lohan’s. So, woot!

    Also: “chronically distraught”? Best two-word phrase for LiLo, ever.

  36. the original bellaluna says:

    Lindsay Lohan entered the private party , looking like a _cracked-out Raggedy Ann doll. “Where’s my blow!?” she screamed at some random dude. Without waiting for an answer, she tossed drinks (glasses included) through the crowd until she found someone else’s blow. When she came upon another has been celebutant/starlet, she started squawking: “MOVE THAT WANNABE! Don’t you know who I am? I’M…wait, who am I?!? No, seriously, what’s my name?” Then she locked herself in the bathroom and called her main dealer. When security came for her, she crack-squawked “Don’t you know who I am?!? No, really, do you know who I am? As security dragged her out, her last words were to a random blonde: “Your hair is fake.”

  37. pink elephant says:

    Lindsay Lohan entered the Sands Motel, looking like a hobo carrot. “Who took my WATER BOTTLE!?” she screamed at her pansexual companion. Not waiting for an answer, she stumbled through the lobby and chain smoked until she found the bagel bar. When she came upon a troupe of frightened Girl Scouts, she started squawking: “Move this line! I’m Lindsay Lohan!” Then she locked herself in the industrial kitchen and called her dealer. When security came for her, she threatened to have them all fired for making eye contact. As security dragged her out, her last words were to a random blonde: “Your donuts are fake.”

  38. Crawford1967 says:

    Lindsay Lohan entered the back alley looking like an older version of her mother. “_Move that LOHAN, I’m Lindsay Cone!?” she screamed at the potted plant in the corner. Not waiting for an answer, she grifted her way through the room until she found an A-LIST Star. When she came upon Charo, she started squawking: “Why am I famous, again?! !” Then she locked herself in the TMZ press room and called to give her whereabouts.. When security came for her, she took a last bump. As security dragged her out, her last words were to a random blonde: “Your arrest records are fake.”

  39. Vilodemeanus says:

    I think the TMZ photos of her mansion party in Miami, where she had a Hilton beaten down say it all. Coke residue, roaches on tables and ashtrays. I mean if you aren’t using why so much coke and pot lying around? Let’s not even talk about the wine and liquor bottles. I’m guessing she’s sober when she’s forced to be sober, but started right back up within days of being released from rehab. At this point and 8 rehabs, it’s safe to say that rehab isn’t going to work for Lilo, as for dating boys… no man would want someone that childish, but isn’t it interesting that she acts like a bad character from one of her own movies, as though she really doesn’t have a clue how to act around other people at all. Kind of sad when High School kids think you are immature.