Paris Hilton launched her fashion line at L.A. boutique Kitson yesterday. Featuring bikinis made out of clothing the size of tea bags and underwear with a special herpes-preventing liner, the clothes were widely considered both classy and useful. Okay that’s not what was actually mentioned in the press release, and no I’m not there so I don’t know, but I’ve seen the way Paris dresses, and she said, “”It’s just from my closet to their closets,” so it stands to reason that the majority of the clothing line features herpes-protective liners.

“The heiress, author, singer, perfume designer and reality-TV star unveiled the line at Kitson, a boutique known for its celebrity clientele. The traffic lane was closed for pedestrians’ safety, a city spokesman said. Clad in a gold sequin minidress, Hilton, 26, emerged from a black sport utility vehicle to a throng of fans who spilled into the street Thursday. Inside the store, Hilton was all smiles.

“’It’s a dream come true to have my own clothing line,’” she said. “’It’s just Paris style: fun, bright and flashy.’”

[From the Associated Press]

Okay two things here. No one, including Paris herself, ever has the right to call her “bright.” I don’t care if she meant it in the color sense, it’s too easily mistaken. And flashy? I think you mean trashy, hon. My favorite part is referring to her as an “author” “singer” and “perfume designer.” Where’s “layabout” and “walking airbag?” I know PR people are supposed to put their client in the best light possible, but when your client is the biggest joke in show business, maybe you should lighten up and just be honest. “Convicted drunk driver,” and “Girl who dots all her ‘i’s with a heart,” gives us a much more accurate image of Paris.

“The collection, which Hilton described as ‘really comfortable’ and ‘really affordable,’ includes shoes, T-shirts and jeans. Hilton said she spent a year submitting and approving designs. She also discussed other newsy matters in her life: her pregnant pal, Nicole Richie (‘She’s going to be a great mom,’ Hilton said), and the pending sale of her Hollywood Hills home.

“’I’m going to miss my house because I love it. I really designed it to be my perfect taste,’ she said. ‘But too many people know where I live and I’d rather be in a gated community.’”

[From the Washington Post]

Maybe if you didn’t beg the paparazzi to follow you home and photograph you, fewer people would know where you live. I have a feeling Paris isn’t going to fit in so well with the gated community folk. I know she comes from wealth, but in her case money definitely does not equal class. How in the world is she going to get the paparazzi to follow her home now? Are they supposed to climb up and over the gate? I’m not saying they won’t, I’m just saying that’s a lot to ask of them. I have this image of her leaving a trail of plastic sequins to follow. Sort of like Hansel and Gretel, but sleazier.

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s Paris getting her makeup applied (again) at Kitson. Header image of Paris (wearing her “own” creation) arriving at their red carpet yesterday. Image thanks to WENN.