Elliot Page has written a memoir, Pageboy, which has to be one of my favorite book titles in recent memory. It’s perfect. I’m so happy Elliot is telling his story, and seems like he’s in a really good place. He’s on the cover of People to promote Pageboy, and he shared some juicy details from the book with them. One of the juiciest stories? Elliot described having an affair with Kate Mara while she was dating Max Minghella in 2014. Elliot says it revealed a pattern in his life where he was attracted to unavailable people.
“The first person I fell for after my heart was broken was Kate Mara,” Page writes. “She had a boyfriend at the time, the lovely and talented Max Minghella.”
Page goes on to describe their romance, during which Page was filming 2014’s X-Men: Days of Future Past. (“Kate has read the book,” Page says. Mara is appearing with Page at a book event in Los Angeles in June.) Page writes that Minghella was supportive of Mara exploring her feelings for Page. “I never thought I could be in love with two people and now I know I can,” Page says Mara told him.
“This was right after I’d come out as gay and it was a time of exploration and also heartbreak,” Page says. “I think my relationship, or whatever you want to call it with Kate, very much encapsulates a certain dynamic that I consistently found myself in, which was falling for people that — I think a lot of us do this — who aren’t fully available. And the sort of safety in that and the highs and the lows and the serotonin bump, and then it goes away.”
“And I think that is definitely a pattern in my life,” he adds. Page says he and Mara are still close. “I think the love and care that we have for each other is its very own special thing. Separate from the intimacy that I write about.”
I’m impressed that Max Minghella was cool with Kate and Elliot having a relationship. I feel like a lot of guys would respond in a territorial way or feel emasculated. It sounds like Kate told Max early on, but I’ll have to read the book to learn the full story. We are very eager in American culture to pass judgment on infidelity or polyamorous relationships. But I try to approach stories like this with an attitude of curiosity rather than judgment. It sounds like Kate and Elliot’s relationship was emotionally intense and meaningful for them both.
It’s perceptive of Elliot to realize that he was drawn to people who were not fully available. And I think that pattern also makes sense for people who are subjected to societal programming and shame for their gender identities or sexual orientation. (Or for other things, too.) If you spend your life believing that you are unlovable, or that you won’t be accepted for who you truly are, of course you’ll be attracted to people who confirm that belief by not being fully available. That’s what society tells you that you deserve. And he describes the “safety” in that dynamic, which might seem counterintuitive, but I know exactly what he’s talking about. It feels safe because it feels familiar. And if the person you’re seeing isn’t fully available, you don’t have to be either. I think it’s sweet that Elliot and Kate are still friends. It’s cool when exes can be friends like that, and it isn’t always possible.
Elliot also shares a blind item in his book about a famous actor verbally harassing him at a party back in 2014, when he had come out as gay. The actor said some vile things to him, including, “you aren’t gay, that doesn’t exist. You’re just afraid of men.” Multiple people saw and heard it go down. I wish Elliot had named names and put this guy on blast, but I also get why he didn’t. Hollywood fronts like it’s such a progressive industry. It’s not. It reflects American culture at large, which still privileges some people more than others. So it’s easy for powerful people in Hollywood to get away with being racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, and so on. That’s basically how it’s always been.
Photos of Elliot and Kate together are from 2014 and credit: PacificCoastNews/Avalon
I have such a crush on Elliot and have for years. I want so many good things for him. It makes me so happy to see him thriving. 🥰
I’m sure Kate knew this was going to be in the book and was fine with it. They still seem close. If I were Elliott, though, I would t have kissed and told.
If all parties are OK by it, then it’s fine, I guess?
Now if Elliot did this without Mara (and to lesser extent Minghella)’s permission, that would be awful. But it sounds like they read the book and gave it their blessing.
Fully. Their story can bo so inspiring to people going through similar struggles, and their honesty and transparency is powerful. Heck, I got shivers just reading about it — seems like a lot of love on all sides.
I think I’m actually with you on this. Minka Kelly wrote a book and she’s dated famous men. She didn’t share about one of them by name. There is a way to do things, but I’m not saying that Elliot was wrong. I just probably wouldn’t have gone there.
It says in the above excerpt that Kate has read the book and that Kate will be appearing at a book signing with him. So clearly that the other person involved is okay with it. And that’s ultimately all that matters.
To be fair, I didn’t even think about Kate or Max, I thought about Kate’s current husband, isn’t she married to Jamie Bell? Perhaps it’s just me but he doesn’t seem an easy-going person and now the knowledge of his wife being bisexual and open to polyamorous relationships is out there…
@AlpineWitch his FIRST wife was openly bisexual as well…Evan Rachel Wood. Bisexuality isn’t something to be ashamed of so why should the person she is married to now care about something that happened years before they met?? You are attaching shame to an issue that isn’t shameful.
I knew about that as well and I was clearly not shaming anyone, as I’m LGBT+ too, I just put it out there that her ex couldn’t care less about it at the time, why should he care now…
If anything the stuck-up one seems her current partner. The fact ERW is also bi doesn’t really factor into this as we know nothing of their relationship or why they split up…
@AlpineWItch – I beg to differ. We may not know why they split, but ERW was openly bisexual when she and Jamie Bell married. So the idea that he would have an issue with an openly bisexual partner doesn’t hold water.
It’s kinda gross to require her husband to give his permision for Kate’s own story about her past to be released….
@Ameerah- Actually, people do ignore certain “not a big deal” traits in their fiance’s all the time. They think they can deal but get can be triggered if reminded about it. It’s similar to what Elliot said about his tendency to date unavailable people. We are also assuming Kate disclosed this particular part of her life. So, without knowing the details of her marriage to Bell, I’m holding space for the possibility of Bell being triggered.
According to another interview, Kate read the book before publication. She’s going to be attending a book signing with Elliot. So she had the heads up and is good with it. She wasn’t outed as bisexual or anything. I would presume max was given prior notification too.
And minka talked a lot about Taylor kitsch. For good reason. Just not jeter, chris Evans, Trevor Noah and Jesse Williams.
Yeah, I’m with you. The concern trolling is strong with this one.
It’s really obvious, just from this one interview, that all parties involved knew what Elliot was writing, and had signed off.
Seriously, the opposite of being a gossip is Elliot Page, that has to be obvious, right?
But is Max fine with it as well? At the end of the day, his partner developed feelings for someone else while they were in a committed relationship, and maybe he was entirely fine with it, or maybe it was quite painful despite wanting to be supportive. Elliot already mentions that the relationship wasn’t entirely healthy, and he felt that Kate “wasn’t entirely available”.
I’m just so pleased that Elliot seems to have cleared and gotten the okay from Mara to discuss this. That’s so respectful and just a good way to comport yourself. Page’s story is his story and he has every right to tell it- of course it involves other people, nature of the beast. But, there’s ways to manage the fact you are also sharing someone else’s story by sharing your own and I really like how Elliot has handled that. Love that Mara will appear with Elliot to discuss the book, really shows the mutual respect and support!
OMG, he seems so happy and relaxed ever since his transition. I am so happy for him.
I wholeheartedly agree on the book title and love the push to get people to go to independent bookstores to get their signed copies.
For everything that he has been through I love how open he’s been in sharing aspects of his life and I’m sure that like his interviews and other activities, this book will help people be seen or understand a perspective different to their own.
Am excited to read this. Respect to Eliot Page. He doesn’t have to be so open but he’s choosing to be. Wish he’d named the actor though. What an asshole.
“You aren’t gay. That doesn’t exist. You’re just afraid of men.”
Why did Mark Wahlberg flash through my mind when I read this?
I heard a blind item that it was Chris Pratt… or making another equally homophobic and blatantly horrible comment.
Either one of them is a totally believable guess.
Actually it was Ben Affleck who flashed through my mind not Markie mark . In 2014 he was putting his finger down stranger to him Anne Marie tendler’s butt during a Golden globes after party – remember? and this is equally gauche. People are saying she made it up or she would have name names. But if she did the famous actor’s whoever he really is fans would accuse her of lying as well. So naming Kate Mara with her permission at least keeps that accusation away. And Jamie bell was married to famousy bisexual Evan Rachel wood no biggie to him.
I’m very disappointed when people kiss and tell. Especially after everyone went to bat for Elliot when Jordan Peterson went after him.
Now Elliot is exploiting his past relationships. There’s no honor in Hollywood. You better get people to sign a NDA before you let them even touch you.
Are you still disappointed even when all parties are apparently ok with it? Page is so careful about coming out and sharing parts of themselves with the public, you don’t think he got the ok to share this complicated but important learning lesson and how it helped him heal?? And how understanding everyone was during it, including Max and Mara were also helped him greatly??
I don’t like when people police how a trans man talks about his lived experiences.
Elliot is talking respectfully about how a relationship sparked a realisation about himself and the positive impact that self discovery had on him.
I think you need to ask yourself why your first response is tone police Elliot instead of sitting with your discomfort, being compassionate and trying understand why Elliot shared this part of his lived experience.
Dear heaven
You got a lot out of my comment.
And where did we get into im policing Elliot’s life?
1 This is MY opinion
2 There’s an entire box to express your opinion
3 I’m not disrespecting Elliot transition. I’m talking about as a human being.
This doesn’t read as exploitative to me, IMO. It reads like a typical memoir, talking about a relationship that is and was very important to the author, with permission by all parties.
A memoir that left out romantic stories wouldn’t be complete.
I’m not sure this is a “secret affair” when Kate discussed it with Max and he told her he was okay with it lol.
Yea it sounds like Kate told Max about it from the very beginning, maybe even before anything physical happened and she was emotionally cheating.
Who says there was cheating?
Not everyone defines a relationship as between only 2 people.
Just full stop judging others by society’s cis het 2 people only relationships. There’s a whole world out there, you might actually be missing something interesting.
You can’t call it cheating if all parties involved are aware and okay with it. That’s polyamory. Not cheating.
That’s absolutely not what I meant. I meant that she probably had feelings for Elliot and thought rightly that she should tell Max about it.
Right? No affair here. Just open and consensual relationship. Elliott doesn’t deserve the shade these kinds of
salacious headlines emit.
You guys know words can have more than one meaning right?
Depending on the context of the sentence.
Secret, as is not publicly known.
Not secret, as in illicit.
@Arizona. Maybe he meant it was a secret from the public.
Yes, surely secret to the public. It’s interesting, I have to think Minghella might not have been so (seemingly) okay with it if Page had already come out as a man.
How would that make it different?
I think a man would be more forgiving of his wife exploring a relationship with a woman than with another man. I would imagine it feels less like “cheating,” or at least less like his spouse has found fault with him personally, and more like she is exploring a different part of her own sexuality. That might be easier to stomach. But I don’t know, maybe Minghella is just that magnanimous.
All the best good things for Elliot 💕
We really are living in the golden age of queer celebrity gossip and I love it. It’s way more fun to just hear about romance from openly LGBTI+ celebrities than have to read between the lines or ship straight celebrities like we did back in the day.
Also this extract is so well written that I don’t usually read non fiction but I’m tempted to give Elliot’s memoir a go.
The title is perfection.
Honestly, people need to stop getting outraged over absolutely nothing. This wasn’t an affair, all parties knew and consented to the arrangement! And Mara okayed the inclusion of it in the book. Is that ‘kissing and telling’? Page didn’t exploit anyone by writing about it with the individual’s consent.
I’ve always wondered about what publishing house lawyers require when an autobiography or biography comes out – if the author names specific famous people, do the lawyers get in touch with their lawyers just to let them know, in case they’re threatened with a lawsuit, at which point they could go back to the author and say “Are you sure this is true/that you need to talk about it”?? Or is the publishing house off the hook when it comes to being sued by the subject of a story?
As an aside…I think the “famous actor” who told her that homosexuality doesn’t exist is Tom Cruise. It would fit.
It’s not that complicated to guess who may have made that comment to Elliott back at a party in 2014: https://www.standard.co.uk/insider/fashion/oscars-2014-from-jared-leto-to-pharrell-and-ellen-degeneres-to-ellen-page-the-super-tux-reigns-at-the-academy-awards-9165673.html
Leto?
Except she said it was at a birthday party. And I think she wanted to be specific so he would see himself and learn something from it. And I don’t think people have the time to small talk during the Oscar’s, and anyone can attend the Oscar after parties. Not that I don’t think Leto could have said that. He certainly could have. Someone who has a high opinion of his sexual attraction and certainly he does.
Leonardo Dicaprio’s 40th birthday party was late in 2014 — was Elliot at that? I can’t see Dicaprio making that kind of comment, but there are folks who attended who definitely would say something gross like that.
This was very kind. We definitely need to find a healthy balance between acknowledging that cheating is wrong, and also acknowledging that we sometimes take our reactions to infidelity too far, sometimes even with those who were barely legal or underaged at the time. Even reactions to suspected but debunked infidelity stories that were really just people getting with someone else a month or two after a breakup can get extreme. I think Elliot is describing an open relationship between Kara and her partner. But it sounds like he’s acknowledging that he has made mistakes and gotten involved with unavailable people too. It doesn’t change my positive opinion of him though. Glad he can really be himself now.
I can understand Max here. When my boyfriend many, many years ago confided to me finally that he thought he was bisexual, I told him I’d be fine with him exploring a relationship/intimacy with a man, just to make sure he had the opportunity to see what it was like and wouldn’t have any regrets if we ended up marrying.
This. There’s a stage in a relationship where it’s OK to say, I have these feelings, but I don’t know what they mean. Do we need to end our relationship or are you OK with me exploring? Max could either have not cared or felt that this was something which was not going to last and that he was going to wait it out. We don’t know.
Thanks for your comment! Always risky being autobiographical.
Exactly – it says that Kate discussed her feelings with her partner at the time. They may or may not have been dating exclusively, but it sounds like Kate got the go ahead to explore her feelings for Eliot. That all sounds reasonable and healthy communication to me!
Now, maybe, Minghella will remember this differently, but with the info we have been given it sounds less like “cheating” or “secret affair” and closer to polyamory,or even something less defined.
Celebrity autobiographies …. Le sigh …. I mean it’s a method of self publicity right?
Maybe there’s no new projects in the pipeline for Elliot or Kate (I know Elliot just finished filming the final season of Umbrella Academy – but what else is locked down for him as far as work? Same with Kate and whatever projects she has.), we have a writers strike currently happening causing a stand still for work also (hope the writers get what they want and need! Collective bargaining works!), but everyone’s got bills to pay and that includes actors right? Elliot mentioning Kate Mara works well for both of them. Here we are being reminded that these people still exist (and presumably they are ready to work and be included in forthcoming projects down the line), along with Minghella and hell even Mara’s husband as well could be getting some publicity as a result of this book.
I’m not saying this as a form of criticism more just highlighting the reality of the results and potential intent for parties involved here.
Happy Monday all!
Or it’s pride month and this was specifically intended to come out in June to highlight Elliot’s experience as a trans man in Hollywood.
It makes total sense to time this book release during pride month. I hope he sells a lot of books. People could learn from his experience and maybe it will change some people’s minds.
Presumably this was written well before the writer’s strike…
It’s also interesting that Max and Jaimie are best friends. And Jaimie married Kate Mara, they now have 2 children.
I like Max , it’s too bad him and Elle Fanning didn’t work out.
I kept watching The Handmaid’s Tale just for him lol ❤️
I have loved Page since a recurring role on “Regenesis”, a short-lived scifi show here in Canada. It went off the rails pretty quickly, but Page was a standout in that first season! I think he has become an amazing advocate and seems much more comfortable in his skin ( obviously, that makes sense), which makes me more curious to read this memoir.
For those who are saying they don’t like the kiss and tell aspect, I would say that most celebrity memoirs drop this kind of romance gossip or blind items in the early promotions, it’s what gets most people to read the book! It also appears that Eliot has Kate’s blessing to name her specifically, and I’m pretty confident that it will be part of a longer, more personal insight, not merely salacious details. But as an incurable gossip, I like the details!
Eliot did a series of interviews for Vice back in the day about international travel while queer and limitations on LGBTQ rights around the world, and I found him to be a thoughtful interviewer, so I wouldn’t expect anything less in telling their own story.
So glad Page is living his truth. Very brave (especially in this political climate of hatred).
Agreed!
I can’t wait to read his book.
I am certain what Elliot is describing with Kate Mara is how the current generation of kids is going to view sexuality, if bigots don’t get involved, and I can’t wait to read this book, and make my son read it.
I live in LA (not the famous or glittery part), so I get that it’s very different here, I grew up in Oklahoma, BUT…my 13 year old son is living an entirely different reality than I was raised with. He and his peers don’t talk about crushes in the way my generation did. They assume each other is figuring out what they are into, albeit awkwardly, which is the only thing that is similar to my own 13 year old self. They talk about both male and female celebrities they think are attractive.
My son currently thinks he’s bisexual, and it makes me so happy to imagine a world where everyone just assumes fluidity in sexuality, and romance, is normal. It’s okay to not believe what religion has forced down the throats of everyone. The Kinsey Scale is a thing, no matter how much the deeply red want to act like everyone who isn’t heterosexual is going to hell.
As someone who is bi myself, I don’t get why this is somehow ok while other stories of infidelity get a crapstorm?
Cheating is cheating, sexuality and gender don’t change betrayal.
How is it “cheating” when it’s consensual? Do you consider polyamorous relationships cheating as well?
I just want to say that I am really enjoying your posts @Carina. Thoughtful, educated; balanced, intelligent, entertaining. Thank you!
@MustLoveDogs, I was just about to say the same thing!
@Lorelei that’s really nice. 😊 she really does write well. ( PS. so do you – always enjoy your comments!)
I’m NOT impressed Max was “cool with it,” because it smacks of “lesbian relationships aren’t real so nothing to be concerned about here.” Would he be cool with Kate exploring her feelings for another man?
I am not so naive to think that scenario tracks exactly the same as exploring feelings for another woman for the first time, IF that’s what happened. And maybe he WOULD be ok with Kate being with another man. But real talk: a lot of men completely fetishize lesbian sex and don’t see their relationships as real; more like all lesbian couples are just friends with benefits. I don’t know if he is one of them, but there are a lot of red flags when a male partner is completely unconcerned about their female partner having a girlfriend. You agree to your partner swinging, you run the risk of losing them, unless you think they won’t have a real relationship with the other person – as in it’s just lesbian sex, so who cares, even when she says she is in love with Elliot? WTF?
Nah. Not impressed.
Ok but you’re putting all your weird projections on a relationship that you know nothing about between people you know nothing about.