Valentine’s Day tends to be one of those holidays that people have strong opinions about. Some argue that it’s a commercialized holiday that sets up unrealistic expectations and serves as a forced reminder of being single. People who are in the pro-Valentine’s Day camp think it’s a nice opportunity to celebrate love, whether it’s with a partner, family, or friends. Personally, I stand somewhere in the middle. It’s totally a made-up, commercialized holiday, but I like the overall sentiment and excuse to eat chocolate.
Well, Dax Shepard has some thoughts about Valentine’s Day. During a recent episode of his podcast Armchair Expert, Dax brought the topic up to his cohost Monica Padman, saying that he’d read something on Instagram that claimed that couples are happier if they don’t celebrate V-Day. Monica pretty much clocked right away that it was one of those bullsh-t IG posts that just tell people what they want to hear, but Dax was insistent. After listing the reasons he hates Valentine’s Day, he then confessed that he’d gone all out for his two daughters, Lincoln, 12, and Delta, 11, and didn’t do much for his wife of over 12 years, Kristen Bell.
On the latest segment of his Armchair Expert podcast, Dax Shepard and his cohost, Monica Padman, discussed their differing thoughts on celebrating Valentine’s Day.
The subject came up in conversation after Dax — who has been married to Kristen Bell since 2013 — cited apparent research that said “couples who don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day are happier.” Recalling his response after reading the report, Dax said, “I was like, ‘Thank God!’”
When Monica insisted that the research wasn’t true, Dax replied, “It’s comforting to know that people who don’t celebrate report higher satisfaction.”
Monica then said, “Who are they asking, the man who doesn’t wanna be going to the restaurant?” Dax replied, “That’s the thing that keeps me from ‘celebrating.’ It’s the worst day of the year to try to go out to a restaurant, or get flowers, or anything! It makes anything that would normally be enjoyable really unenjoyable.”
In response, Monica told Dax that he didn’t have to necessarily go out to a restaurant. “You can just celebrate by saying ‘Happy Valentine’s Day’ or giving a card,” she said.
Dax then went on to explain that he actually pours all his energy into his and Kristen’s daughters, who are 11 and 12.
“What happens — for better or worse — is, my girls are my valentines. So I went all out for my girls,” he said, adding, “All I’ll say is that someone had a less-than-exciting Valentine’s Day versus their anticipation.”
Dax revealed that for Valentine’s Day, he bought his daughters heart-shaped floats for their pool and made each of them handmade cards, complete with hand-drawn pictures and lengthy messages about how he feels about them.
“I put several hours into my valentines on Saturday… All my resources went to the little ones,” he said, adding, “I definitely neglected my mom and Kristen.” (Dax noted that his mom has been his valentine for “51 years.”)
He then said, “But I think from Kristen and my mom’s point of view, they saw that I was putting a lot of my energy on my other two valentines.” Monica replied, “For Kristen, that is the Valentine’s gift,” to which Dax said, “I hope so, I think so.”
So, it’s not that Dax doesn’t believe in Valentine’s Day, it’s that he doesn’t believe in doing something for or with his wife on Valentine’s Day. Of course his algorithm is going to show him sh-t like “couples who don’t celebrate V-Day are happier.” It sounds like he hasn’t even ever bothered to ask Kristen her thoughts on the holiday. Sometimes I wonder how much they really even like each other. I mean, how hard would it be for Dax to send his assistant out to get a card and some flowers for both Kristen and his mom? Even if Kristen isn’t into making a big deal, I’m bet she’d still appreciate some simple gesture like a nice bouquet.
It’s cute that Dax spent all of that time making cards for Lincoln and Delta, though. I’m sure they felt very special to have their dad shower them with so much attention in that way. While I very frequently side-eye Dax and Kristen’s choices as parents, I do think they both love their daughters and try to be present as parents. Also, it’s been a hot minute since I’d watched a clip of Dax talking. When did his face and voice start morphing into RFK Jr’s? Dude needs to lay off the testosterone. He needs less T, more flowers.
Here’s the clip of Dax and Monica talking about Valentine’s Day. It’s cued to start in that section, but just in case, it begins at 13:14.
Photos credit: Jennifer Graylock-Graylock.com/Avalon, Xavier Collin/Image Press Agency/Avalon
A couple things:
My husband and I aren’t big on V-day either. Some people just aren’t into it. He does things for our girls though – flowers usually, which I love. That said, it’s a weird flex for him to say “I did all of this amazing stuff for my girls, oh and my wife got nothing….”
Second, is there something wrong with his face? Not being critical, I’m genuinely curious about that lopsided smile. And maybe my memory is faulty, but he looks a bit…roidy, maybe?
I was wondering the same thing about that ‘smile.’ It looks more like a grimace, and his face definitely has a tinge of… something? It’s very off-putting.
Is it his forehead? Wrinkles are normal with aging and his forehead is pretty smooth, at least compared to the rest of his face.
Also, while generally I’m pretty
‘you do you, Boo’ the ‘roidy muscle look guys go for and keep going for is not my thing.
I have too much random info in my head – I remember when DS and Peter Krause were on Parenthood together and lived in the same neighborhood (Lauren Graham mentioned it) and both guys went from lanky to lots of arm muscles, and thick necks almost like they were egging each other on.
Based on guys I know IRL that can be a slippery slop(e) to supplements and riod-y-ness and focus on certain physical features, blind spots to others.
He reminds me more and more of RFK Jr 😒
I love, love, love Kristen Bell as a comedy actress and I have to say that, like Dax, she also seems recently to have much more toned and pronounced muscles to the point where I actually have found it a bit distracting. She seems almost like she has been doing bodybuilding. It was particularly noticeable in the Netflix movie The Girl Across the Street… (super long title, hilarious parody movie, btw, if you haven’t seen it!).
My appreciation of Kristen as an actor has definitely waned in the face of all the things I have unwillingly learned due to oversharing but Dax has never done anything in his work or personal life that I can remember that has made me think positively about him for a second.
Like it’s wonderful that he celebrated his daughters so thoughtfully but all that communicates is he’s fully *capable* of being thoughtful but she’s not worth it. How hard would it be when making the cards for his daughters to also make one for Kristen? This is the same man who had a tantrum over being asked to fold two towels. Like Cher said, she must see something in him that [we] don’t.
Completely agree with you, FCH. He’s capable of showing care and love, but just doesn’t seem his wife worth the effort.
“how hard would it be for Dax to send his assistant out to get a card and some flowers for both Kristen and his mom? ”
Yeah and then who will think about the MIL, your siblings, best friend etc. It creates an unrealistic expectation for buying more useless crap. In my culture it’s the same about flowers for women’s day when some guys go the rounds to mom,MIL, SIL, sisters, even cousins and coworkers. Then there are name days. The stupidest commercialised version of some Christian celebration of saints. Boomers here actually feel hurt or offended if they don’t get flowers or chocolate on their nameday. Why are birthdays and christmas not enough to give presents and just love and support each other on the other days of the year??
And of course there is your aniversary if you want to celebrate your marriage/relationship. We do that with my husband, maybe Dax and K do the same. In my country there is a so called “children’s day” every year at the end of May when there are kid centric events all over the place and they get presents and candy. Ah ok I think I’ve vented enough, I’m sorry.
Would not want to be married to that guy.
I wouldn’t want to be married to either of them. But, hey, at least they married each other so two other people are spared from having to suffer these fools.
And he clearly doesn’t think the holiday is a con that shouldn’t be celebrated if he’s going all out for his daughters (would he do the same if he had sons? I wonder…). If he and Kristen had made a pact about not wanting to celebrate the holiday as a couple, you think he’d have just said that.
I dislike them so much. I don’t even know why I read this post. lol
I think Kristen Bell is a pick me, she contorted herself into impossible knots to become the girl he wants. Like that story he told about meeting Kristen and how she learned to ride a motorcycle for him. When asked wasn’t that romantic or something like that and he just laughed and said she tries too hard. When asked would he go riding with her, you know now that they have something in common. His answer was a very clear hell to the naw to the naw naw naw!
How embarrassing. She tries so hard. Dims her light for him, babys him most of the time when he needs a swift kick to the butt. He’s shown time and time again he’s jealous of her success hence he loves to tell these stories that put her back in her place. He really doesn’t like her.
I tried something crazy and just told my spouse I would like chocolate for vday or id feel disappointed and he absolutely came through. And he made it his way with a cute twist.
I like that. Why not be direct? Why make them guess?
Saying he “admitted” or “confessed” something implies somebody wanted to know. I feel like the only verb that can be used for him is “announced”
ETA: or overshared, as pointed out above
You’re so right! That could probably be applied to tons more online stories. It makes the motivation for telling the story change. Something to keep in mind when reading all this stuff.
Same in my house. My husband and I have never been super into Valentine’s Day. We’re just not a shmoopy couple. And before having a child we used to go out on fun dates all of the time. Our little daughter gets so excited about holidays so she gets flowers and a few little presents and a card. We both absolutely love to see the joy she gets out of us making holidays special for her.
The Cut section of New York magazine has a recent article partly inspired by Dax and Kristin, called “I love my husband (who hates me)” talking about how hard it is to watch relationships like this where women defend their absolutely trash husbands. Dax clearly wants to degrade Kristin, tear her down, and it hurts to see her take that as her due, as something normal. So we get angry with her, even though she is the one under attack by Dax. Some men want nothing more than to marry a successful woman then knock her down a few pegs to “prove” they are better than her.
I think every time Kristin has another professional success, Dax seethes inside. The world is full of women who aren’t successful actresses, but that’s not what Dax wants, he wants to marry a successful actress then “put her in her place” beneath him. I do hope she wakes up and gets away from this, it’s a nasty situation.
People don’t have to do Valentines Day, people can decide how they celebrate and it’s all good.
But I notice there are some men who in a relationship will do great things for other people but never their spouse. I’m getting that vibe from him. I’m getting a distinct lack of appreciation for his wife, and I immediately think he’s a douche.
Also, I understand dinners are hard, but he says flowers are hard? You can order flowers online, you can probably do a subscription and set it and forget it!
Also: he 100% has started to develop what I think of as ‘crypto/tech/fitness/podcast/rich-bro’ eyes.
This guy’s whole brand seems to be acting like an ass and then telling the whole world about it. I know nothing about him other than he’s Kristen Bell’s husband and he treats her like shit while pretending to adore her.
This is a complete non-story. I know so many people that don’t really care about Valentine’s Day in their own relationships but it’s a big deal to the kids because of school (classes have valentines parties and exchange valentines etc).
My husband and I did something very similar this year. We were out of gas with a bunch of silly drama in our lives and said let’s not do it this year. It’s even our first Valentine’s Day married.
It’s silly to say that you are sure a random persons spouse would have appreciated a bouquet when you don’t know them.
ETA – this couple is very loud-mouthed (some might say obnoxious) and I would expect one of them to speak up if they had a problem.
Dax is what you get when you are a Crisp Rat but don’t have the veneer of charm to mask the narc traits.
More cringy stories to stay relevant. So stupid.
So he’s always had a dry, deprecating humor, I’m not fond of. As for the face though I learned recently he has psoriatic arthritis, which is one of the 2 arthritis I have.
In that light I think perhaps the physical attributes can be attributed to that and or it’s care. People underestimate how awful being on steroids for autoimmune disorders is, it throws your face all out of whack. Prednisone gives me serious insomnia and solves nothing, however my face was such a mess for a good 6 months after. It’s always the doctors first remedy, I reject it now.