Last week, Carole Middleton attended one day of the Cheltenham Festival, a somewhat fancy multi-day horse race thing. As it so happened, Carole attended the same day as Queen Camilla and Princess Anne, and Carole managed to barge (??) her way into whatever royal enclosure or royal box so that she could pose for photos with them. She even threw her peasant arm around a horrified Princess Anne as Camilla looked like she wanted to hork. Additionally, Carole carried what was easily a $20,000 Hermes Birkin bag, despite the fact that Carole’s business collapsed into bankruptcy in 2023, leaving a massive trail of financial destruction in its wake. How the hell can she afford Birkin bags when she couldn’t even pay her small-business vendors, you know? Well, Carole’s appearance at Cheltenham inspired the Times of London to publish a piece about how Carole is practically royalty at this point and the Windsors just love her! Sure. Some highlights:

The stalwart of the royal family: Whatever comes her way, she is a stalwart of the royal family: uncomplaining, hard-working and lucky enough to have a figure that has changed so little over the past three decades that she can still wear many of her old outfits. I’m not talking about the Princess Royal, although the same could certainly be said about her, but rather the woman who was by her side at Cheltenham: Carole Middleton.

Carole was with her sidepiece?? Another person who got [Carole] Middleton laughing was her friend Brendan Moran, a colorectal surgeon, although sources close to the Princess of Wales said that he was not a medic who helped with her surgery or subsequent cancer treatment. The pair stopped to pose for a photograph with Prince William’s cousin Zara Tindall and her husband Mike, and the television presenter Natalie Pinkham and the actor James Nesbitt.

How Prince William feels about Kate’s family: A source who has known William and Catherine for decades said: “The Middletons are a great source of comfort for William, giving him a sense of the normal family, which he has craved and missed out on.”

The Middletons are part of the slimmed-down monarchy: In a slimmed-down royal family where William plays an increasingly important role, the Middletons are more obviously part of the furniture. They were invited to the coronation of King Charles and Queen Camilla and are regularly seen at Royal Ascot and Wimbledon, where Carole chats away to the Duchess of Gloucester. Last year, to mark Carole’s 70th birthday, the Middletons reportedly hired a £37,000-a-week villa on Mustique, the Caribbean island that was a favourite haunt of Princess Margaret.

Carole & Michael were keeping their heads down?? But the latest foray at Cheltenham is a change after a spell of keeping their heads down. Mike and Carole’s Party Pieces business collapsed, falling into administration in 2023, owing £2.6 million to creditors. Then, Catherine’s illness in 2024 was another, more devastating blow. Carole was known to accompany the princess to appointments and proved to be an invaluable source of support for the Waleses’ three children. Locals in Windsor recall seeing her driving round running errands and taking the children out.

Middle-England upbringing for the future king: One Windsor resident remembers seeing a young Prince George a few years ago in a local soft-furnishings shop. He was sitting on a worktop munching orange segments and happily swinging his legs while granny Carole looked at fabrics. “They seemed so normal,” the neighbour told me. Perhaps not so normal now, given that the little boy helping granny with her cushions is now second in line to the throne, but maybe his Middle England upbringing could be just what the Windsors need.

Titles for the Middletons? Carole — and Michael, although he is a little more averse to the spotlight — will certainly feature in the reign of King William. A recent television documentary even pondered whether they might be given some pseudo-official roles when that time comes. With Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor being booted out of the royal fold for bad behaviour, might the meritocratic Middletons earn a place in the palace by dint of good behaviour?

[From The Times]

Do you guys think Brendan Moran is Carole’s sidepiece? Michael rarely cares about keeping up appearances at Carole’s side, so I imagine this is Carole soft-launching various male “friends” accompanying her to events. I’d also like to point out that Cheltenham did not represent the end of the Middletons “keep their heads down.” Carole basically went into hiding after Party Pieces’ collapse in 2023, and people were lining up to shun her from high society. But then in 2024, Carole was (in my opinion) central to whatever deal got worked out between Kate, William and the Windsors. At best, Carole used Kate’s poor health to negotiate her own reentrance into society, facilitated by the Windsors. Which is a pretty scummy thing to do overall. As for the rest of it… I love how Carole keeps angling for a title. It’s so delightfully tacky. Who knows, William might be stupid enough to do it once he’s king.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Backgrid and Cover Images.