While the Charlie Sheen PR machine is in overtime putting out unflattering stories about his estranged wife Brooke Mueller, it looks like Brooke isn’t going to sit back and take it. Yesterday, we told you about a story fed to Radar Online suggesting that Brooke is a raging alcoholic who went to rehab while pregnant with her twin sons. Today, Brooke’s lawyer issued a vehement denial of that story. Unfortunately, Brooke is also putting out the message that she wants to get back together with Charlie in spite of the many, obvious signs that these two are completely toxic together. Sigh.

Brooke Mueller is fighting back!

On Tuesday, RadarOnline.com published a report claiming Mueller had gone to rehab for alcohol abuse while pregnant with now 10-month-old twins Bob and Max, but her attorney Yale Galanter told E! News exclusively: “They’re dead wrong.”

Galanter further confirmed over the phone while in Aspen, Colo.: “I know that’s not true. I’m very familiar with the situation, and that’s totally not true. She was not in rehab for alcohol abuse while pregnant. That never occurred. She’s an incredible mother; it’s amazing to see her with her children.”

Galanter is currently working hard to lift the protection order banning Mueller and her husband, Charlie Sheen, from contacting each other, set in place following the couple’s Christmas scuffle.

“We would like to have the restraining order dropped, dismissed, done, because we want these people to get on with their lives, and Charlie’s lawyer would like the same thing,” Galanter explained. “We’re asking the judge to get us an expedited hearing.”

Galanter told E! he is expecting to find out the date of the hearing by Wednesday afternoon.

“My marching orders are to try and get the entire restraining order lifted. If the judge says ‘I don’t want Mr. Sheen to have a gun, and I don’t want him to act violently,’ that’s all fine with me.”

If the restraining order lift is granted in the coming days, Galanter is unaware of where the wayward couple will reunite.

“I don’t know if he would go to Aspen, or if she would go to Los Angeles,” Galanter said. “It hasn’t been discussed yet.”

But despite the ever-growing drama between the two, Galanter assured E! Mueller is A-OK.

“Everybody is doing well. I think the babies are doing great, and she just wants to get back with her husband,” Galanter explained. “And that’s the bottom line. She really does want to get back with her husband.”

Mueller is currently keeping a low profile in Aspen and will remain in town until her rental lease is up at the end of January.

Said Galanter: “She wants to stay close to people she’s comfortable with. The only people she’s been out with are her mom and dad, and my wife and I.”

[From E!Online]

Meanwhile, the National Enquirer says that both Charlie and Brooke have a love of cocaine - and that drug is what fueled the violent Christmas blowout in Colorado. The report says Charlie held a knife to Brooke’s throat and threatened to kill her.

Wild wild Charlie Sheen and his wife went on an all-night Yuletide cocaine binge before Charlie went ballistic resulting in his arrest after the crazed Two and a Half Men star allegedly attacked his terrified spouse with a knife and threatened to kill her.

Sources close to the couple gave The ENQUIRER an exclusive behind-the-scenes look at the Christmas Day fracas that left badly shaken Brooke Mueller fearing for her life.

All hell broke loose after 44-year-old Sheen flew to Aspen, Colo., to visit his estranged wife and their twin babies.

He took along his “sober minder” - a watchdog charged with keeping him away from alcohol - but that didn’t stop the visit from quickly spinning out of control.

“The minder was downstairs while Charlie and Brooke snorted cocaine until the morning hours - when they began the fight that resulted in his arrest,” revealed a source.

Brooke, 32, called the cops at 8:35 a.m., claiming her husband held a four-inch blade to her throat and warned her: “You better be in fear.

“If you tell anybody, I’ll kill you.”

So much for Charlie’s “sober minder!” What the hell? If any of that story is true, I do not understand why Brooke would want to sign up for more of the same. Perhaps she is feeling threatened into staying with him because of her unsavory past - or maybe the two of them are co-dependent addicts who have mistaken their tandem use of alcohol and drugs for love. If a judge thinks he can remove the restraining order and expect Charlie Sheen not to have a gun or a knife, he’s as high as these two morons. Either way, it’s a lose-lose situation, especially for these two small, innocent children who didn’t have any choice in the matter.

Here’s my confession: I’ve watched this clip about five times, and every time I thought “Real Housewife of Atlanta” Nene Leakes was screaming “TOXIC PARROT” as Michael Lohan. It wasn’t until I stopped and read some of the summaries of this incident that I realized that Nene is actually screaming “toxic parent”. Watch it and see - it really does sound like she’s saying “toxic parrot”. I thought it kind of worked too. Like, it made me think, “Is Michael Lohan a toxic parrot?” My answer was “Yes, because he just ‘parrots’ the same old bullsh-t.” But, I was wrong. It’s “toxic parent”. My bad.

Anyway, Nene was part of a panel for The Insider yesterday. They were interviewing Michael Lohan, who seems to be going on a “I’m gonna kidnap Lindsay and then I’ll think of sumthin’” tour. Michael got a verbal beat down from Nene, who is pretty much the best “housewife” to star on any of the Real Housewives” shows. I love Nene. Nene brings it. Nene is a motherf-ckin’ star. Nene is so cool, even Anderson Cooper adores her.

When Nene and Michael met over the satellite link up, all hell broke loose. I’m not sure what started it, but Nene was there to end it. She began yelling over Michael Lohan, screaming “You are a toxic parent!” and “You are a manipulator! I believe you are just trying to make money off of Lindsay, you’re always in the press, talking negative.” Michael is all “I’ve never made a penny off of Lindsay…” but Nene isn’t finished. Another round of “You are a toxic parent!” Nene also says “You do not have to do this to her publicly, and you know that!”

After that, Michael got pissy and verbally abusive, like the nasty baby he is (shocking). Michael told Nene “Do something worthwhile and promote Nutri-System!” Nene: “Do not make me come after you.” More yelling about Michael being a toxic parent and a sellout, and then Michael ends with: “Shut your mouth. Why don’t you give your chair a break and move your fat ass out of that chair.” Then the pissy baby takes off his mic and leaves. It’s all pretty awesome… sort of. Team Nene.

Here’s NeNe with Jeff Lewis outside Katsuya restaurant in Hollywood on September 30th. Images thanks to Fame Pictures .

Charlize Theron usually does a good job of staying out of the tabloids. She works consistently and seems to have the respect of her peers. Her nine-year relationship with Irish actor Stuart Townsend seems solid (though there is the odd whiff of trouble every six months or so). Her politics are pretty basic - she seems like a pretty solid Democrat, and her biggest cause seems to be gay rights and gay marriage, the struggle for which she has compared to apartheid. Her interviews are usually pretty innocuous - her most recent Vogue interview included revelations like “I just know I’m going to have five boys” and “Stuart and I been together for almost nine years, so by now we’ve kind of realized that we’re going to take this journey together.” So it’s pretty weird that a report would come out featuring some less-than-perfect story of Charlize. This story involves Charlize spanking a random stranger, and Stuart getting pissy:

Although we’re not sure what the custom is in Charlize Theron’s native South Africa, there is still a universal code for what’s acceptable when it comes to slap and tickle with other guys.

Just ask her beau Stuart Townsend, who stormed out of West Hollywood’s Crown Bar on Friday night with the blonde after she got a bit rowdy with a bystander.

The couple, attending an anniversary party, were hitting a bottle of bubbly all evening until one onlooker tells RadarOnline.com that Theron got a little hands-on with a nearby dude.

“She leaned over the table and smacked some other guys ass,” an eyewitness tells us. “Stuart looked pissed, and looked at her and said ‘Why did you do that?’”

Clearly she didn’t have a satisfactory answer, as our onlooker tells us the couple bickered all evening before heading out.

“They constantly fought the rest of the night together, and ended up leaving the party early in a big huff,” said the spy.

[From Radar]

Will this get blown up like a few previous reports, and become something like “Oh my God they’re breaking up because she spanked a stranger!” While that would be hilarious, I doubt it. But the hell is Charlize doing spanking random strangers? Was she drunk? Was she high? Charlize is a girl who enjoys having a good time, and I could see how some sort of drunken horseplay would get out of hand (so to speak). Why did Stuart get upset? Did she promise to only spank him… in private? Oh… I wish I knew.

Charlize Theron is shown out walking her dogs on the beach in Malibu on 8/16/09. She’s also shown with Stuart at an event on 11/20/08. Credit: Fame Pictures

Tina Turner and Aretha Franklin, two of music’s most lasting and influential women vocalists, are in a war of words, focusing primarily on one: Queen. Turner, 68, performed with Beyonce at the Grammy’s last year and was introduced by Knowles as “the queen” when she joined her onstage. This did not sit well with Franklin, long known as the Queen of Soul, and she set off what has turned into a war of words by issuing a statement the following day.

The day after the Grammy telecast, the 66-year-old ‘Respect’ singer released a statement that said: “I am not sure of whose toes I may have stepped on or whose ego I may have bruised between the Grammy writers and Beyoncé. However, I dismissed it as a cheap shot for controversy.”

Turner told USA Today that she wasn’t surprised by Franklin’s overreaction to the incident.

“Aretha has always been like that. We’ve always accepted that from her. She’s the queen of soul, and I’m the queen of rock ‘n’ roll. There were so many kings and queens there that night. Her ego must be so big to think she was the only one,” she laughed. “That’s how queens are!”

[From Urban Music 2000]

Not to be outdone, because, evidently, that’s how queens are, Aretha, 66, has responded in kind to her rival in music royalty.

“I have always appreciated what Tina Turner has to offer and had quietly cheered her on after Ike and her subsequent success. However, with respect to her statement concerning my ego (in saying, ‘Her ego must be so big to think she was the only one … that’s how queens are’) clearly she was talking about herself as she described herself as the ‘Queen of Rock’ and saying ‘that’s what Queens do’ — particularly since she does not have a clue as to who I am in view of the fact that we have never met.

“I never figured her to resort to tacky press just to sell a few tickets. I understand and I know that the concert market is down where ticket sales are concerned. I really had put her in a different class — higher than that.

“Finally, no one has been more gracious or complimentary to their peers than I have and I am confident and secure enough to do so, unlike some others. I wish Ms. Turner all the best, as I always have. Perhaps one day we will meet.”

[From USA Today]

I was surprised to read that Tina Turner and Aretha Franklin have never met. Two legendary icons of R&B music would seemingly have been at the same place at the same time at some point over the last 40 years. But maybe old rivalries we never knew about die hard and they’ve made a point of not being on the same billing or guest list.

Turner’s response to the 8-month old incident came last week during a USA Today interview for her newly launched “Tina Turner Live” tour. Franklin has a holiday album, This Christmas Aretha, coming out on Monday. Something tells me Franklin and Turner might know each other a little better than they’re letting on. These women are clearly old pros at garnering publicity when the time is right.

Tina Turner is shown on 7/3/08 in Paris with Giorgio Armani. Credit: WENN. Aretha Franklin is shown on 9/11/08 in NY and 8/27/08 at the US Open with Billie Jean King and Kelsey Grammar. Credit: Ray Filmano / WENN; HRC/WENN

Anyone who thought shock jock Howard Stern’s radio show would lose steam once it made the leap to satellite radio hasn’t been listening lately. If you have been listening to his Sirius show, you have been witnessing the slow, uncomfortable breakdown of comedian/on-air sidekick Artie Lange. Lange, a portly stand-up comedian who replaced longtime sidekick Jackie Martling and has become a beloved figure on the show, has been gaining even more weight, blackout drinking and dabbling in drugs over the last year, to the point that his co-workers have expressed concern on-air. Lange’s downward spiral finally came to a head yesterday on the air, when he physically attacked his assistant and hurled various epithets at him, and then quit the show.

Stern was finally left speechless yesterday after a brawl erupted inside his Sirius Satellite studio between his hard-partying sidekick Artie Lange and Lange’s assistant, Teddy, which ended with Lange’s quitting the show.

The bickering started off air in the morning, in the hallway adjacent to Stern’s studio. Show staffers overheard Lange screaming at Teddy because Teddy asked him for his passport for the fourth time as he planned their flight to Amsterdam, which was set to take off last night. Lange told Teddy he should have photocopied the passport the first time.

Stern was told they had been bickering and brought it up on air. When Teddy came in to defend himself, Lange snapped.

“He’s a loser,” yelled Lange. “He’s the most unorganized assistant. I want to fire him, but he has no money. I hope he dies of AIDS.”

Lange, who pays Teddy $24,000 a year for part-time work, then accused Teddy of embarrassing him in front of friends last week in LA when he called Bloomingdale’s department store by its nickname, Bloomie’s, and announced the store didn’t have something in Lange’s size.

“I think I hired a fag,” said Lange. “I wanted to throw him out the window.”

Lange then threw a cup of water at Teddy and lunged at him, throwing a punch that didn’t land. Show writer Benjy Bronk jumped on Lange and held him back, while Ronnie “The Limo Driver” Mund burst in to get Teddy out of the studio.

Lange blamed Stern for the fight, saying that Stern “pushed” him to the breaking point and that he couldn’t guarantee he wouldn’t snap again in the future. He then told Stern he loved him and resigned.

“Don’t ever mention Bloomie’s around the guy,” Stern sighed.

One show insider says that the staff loves Lange and is “extremely upset” but that it’s out of Stern’s hands and that Sirius management will soon decide Lange’s fate. The show is on a break next week.

Both Lange and Teddy failed to return calls for comment. Lange was last spotted by a fan at the Brooklyn Diner on West 57th, drowning his sorrows in a plate of food.

[From Page Six]

It’s a shame that Lange is at such a low point that he feels the need to lash out both physically and verbally at someone “smaller” than him. The poor kid is making what equates to less than minimum wage and doesn’t deserve to be called names and attacked. Hopefully, Lange will check himself into rehab, look back on this and realize that this was his “rock bottom” moment. Stern, for his part, was extremely upset at the end of the broadcast and tried to defuse the situation, asking Artie to go cool off and then come back to work tomorrow, but it was too late.

Update by Celebitchy: Here’s the audio clip, which was initially blocked by Sirius through a cease and desist they sent out. Sirius has since issued the OK to publish it. Thanks to Rowdy on Redlasso for this clip.

Artie Lang is shown at “Artie Lang’s Beer League” premiere on 9/16/06, thanks to PRPhotos.

On Sunday Naomi Watts, Liev Schreiber, their son Alexander Pete Schreiber, who will be four weeks old on Wednesday, and their nanny went out for lunch at Malibu restaurant Taverna Tony’s. They looked kind of annoyed going into the restaurant, but then at some point before they left Liev came out by himself and went off on the paparazzi, chasing one guy to his car and hitting it. Naomi then came out and tried to calm Liev down. It seems like word got around that Liev and Naomi were there with their newborn son and the photographers started gathering outside while they were eating, annoying Liev, who is probably sleep deprived and at the end of his rope. It’s hard enough to go out with a new baby without having to deal with hoards of paparazzi.

The cops were called to try and stave off the photographers, but because it was a public street there was nothing they could do. As they left Naomi and Liev looked super annoyed and Naomi even flipped off photographers. Here are the descriptions of the photo sets from Splash News:

Naomi Watts and boyfriend Liev Schreiber arrive at Taverna Tony’s Restaurant in Malibu with new baby Alexander Pete in tow. Liev seems to be finished with giving the paparazzi shots of the baby as he went ballistic, chasing and assaulting the photographers. Naomi had to come out of the restaurant to retrieve Liev and stop him from his rampage.

---

Liev Schreiber, fiance of Naomi Watts, loses his cool as photographers take pictures of him and his family on a busy Malibu street. The actor raced into the middle of the road, hit a photographer’s car and chased one snapper away. The new Dad had arrived at popular restaurant Taverna Tony’s with his new son and Naomi before chasing the media away. The police were later called but could not help Schreiber as the snappers were on a public street.

We went out for sushi with my son when he was four weeks old. Newborns sleep a lot and we had a window of maybe an hour when we could enjoy our meal. Then my son woke up and we had to get out of there and make sure he was fed and happy. It was stressful in that we kept worrying that he would wake up and we would have to leave. We didn’t have anyone with us to help out, though.

This was probably the first time Liev and Naomi have been out with their son for dinner and you can see how Liev would get annoyed. Maybe they feel like prisoners in their beautiful home considering how much photographers must stalk them. You can tell they weren’t expecting it either, because they’re not dressed up or anything.

Still, Liev should work on his temper and on coming up with ways to foil photographers, like using decoy cars or driving farther out of town. If you’re a celebrity and you want to live near Hollywood, and go out to eat or shop there you can forget about having any kind of privacy, especially when you have a beautiful new baby.

Naomi was also seen out earlier on Sunday strolling along the beach with friends in Malibu, where she attended a small get together at Jon Favreau’s beach house. It’s unknown if Liev or little Alexander were there with her as there are no pictures of them.

Thanks to WENN and to Splash News for these pictures.

Let me just let you know right now that there is not yet video online that I could find of this incident. I looked on just about every online video sharing service I could find. Some douche even put the keywords Branson and Colbert together on YouTube, but it’s not this video. Anyway maybe Branson just didn’t get Colbert’s truthiness, or maybe he’s just a dick, but Colbert didn’t let him plug one of his new low-cost airline services in an appearance on his show and Branson got pissed and threw water on him. Colbert asked for some water, sat there and waited, and when someone delivered it he reciprocated by dousing Branson.

I guess Branson even named a plane after Colbert, so that could be one of the reasons he took it so personally. Please let there be video of this soon:

I haven’t posted a recap anywhere else, but I’ll spill it here first. Branson was apparently upset that he wasn’t able to give a direct plug to the new Virgin service and doused Colbert with his guest mug of water. Stephen was DRENCHED. He took a beat, then signalled for his own “ammunition” for about twenty seconds until Alison (Silverman) ran and gave him her bottle of water, and Stephen retaliated. The two of them sat for a VERY uncomfortable second looking like two wet cats. Then Stephen thanked him for coming. I really don’t think it was planned, since Stephen had another bit to introduce (the American Samoa Better Know a Protectorate) and a full interview left to do. They had to get him a new jacket and even broke out a blowdryer. Everyone in the crew had a “WTF?” reaction.

[NoFactZone via MediaBistro and Daily Mail]

And the original commentor who was in the audience clarified what happened, and this is said to be confirmed by other sources:

I forget what the “trigger” was exactly. Let me back up a bit and say that for the first part of the interview Stephen tried to get Branson to sign an IOU for $1 million. Branson was trying to squirm out of signing it. He made the big mistake of trying to appeal to the audience, like “Do you think someone like him really needs a million dollars?”, which made the crowd go BERSERK. Apparently, he was unaware that you don’t try to turn the Nation against Stephen.

I didn’t catch all of what he was saying before the water throw, but it was something along the lines of how he’d been sitting there all that time and didn’t get the chance to say why he was on the show, which confused us and Stephen a little, because it was pretty clear from the top that he was hawking Air Colbert as part of Virgin’s new American service.

[From No Fact Zone]

The Daily Mail, where I originally heard this news, says that the episode was going to be retaped, which kind of made me lose hope of ever seeing it. But it turns out that Comedy Central is going to air it after all, and that they know ratings gold when they see it. It’s going to air Wednesday, August 22.

Branson’s people have changed their tune about the incident. In the statement they gave to The Daily Mail they seemed to indicate that Branson was pissed. His rep said, “Richard did throw his water over Stephen. As most people know, Richard can be unpredictable.” But in their statement to MediaBistro they turned it into something comical, which it doesn’t sound like it was, “The segment was never intended to air live. Richard enjoyed his time with Stephen, and the splash was part of the fun.”

Richard Branson is worth $7.8 billion USD, according to Wikipedia. He owns all the Virgin airlines, Megastores, and the Virgin record label. I saw him on that short-lived Fox reality show that was supposed to compete with The Apprentice, The Rebel Billionaire, in 2004 and I honestly thought he was a decent guy. He came off as 90% less of a dick than Trump does on an average episode.