Jessica Simpson is the cover girl for the new issue of New York Magazine. Thankfully, the piece isn’t all about her upcoming wedding, or her weight, or her Football K-Fed, or whatever else Farty usually ends up talking about. Instead, the focus is on Jessica’s success as the head of one of the most profitable fashion lines in America. The article states something odd: “Jessica Simpson’s fashion empire… clocked sales around $750 million last year. This year, Simpson, who is 30, will add both a full ready-to-wear collection as well as a “career separates” line to her docket, which should push sales past the billion-dollar mark. And Simpson—or Simpson’s top surrogate, her mother—will sit in a room just like this to approve every single thing that gets her label inside. To put that figure in context, it means Jessica Simpson is doing roughly the same volume in sales as Michael Kors.” Jessica = Michael Kors. Astonishing. The full NY Mag piece is worth a read, but here are some of the quotes from the piece:

Jessica on her line: “I never thought I’d be some fashion mogul!, ”she says, laughing her big, open-mouthed laugh. The unlikeliness of it all is probably the exact reason why it works so well.

Jessica’s business philosophy involves McDonalds: As her business manager, David Levin, explains, the original idea behind Simpson’s fashion brands was this: “A girl could go to the shopping mall with her mother and she’d have a great new outfit and still have some money left for lunch at McDonald’s. She can look like Jessica Simpson, smell like Jessica Simpson, and she can afford it.”

Jessica on the 2009 high-waisted jeans/weight gain incident at a chili cook-off: “I still thought I looked cute,” she says. “I wouldn’t have gone onstage if I didn’t.”

On trends versus basics: “I put everything in the line and then it just blows out,” she says. “We try not to set trends, but you need your trending pieces in every delivery. But those go fast: What you really need is your basics for every type of person. When it comes to other celebrity brands, I think a lot of people do a great job, but it can’t be all about them. Everybody doesn’t want to just look like the celebrity, because they can’t. They just want one element of that style.”

Jessica‘s Me-Maw wears jeggings: “I can fill all different kinds of genres in fashion, music, TV, film, personality,” she says. “I just relate to all of it. So we reach out to all ages. Like just the other day my nana asked for a pair of jeggings because we sent her a pair of boots that went up to her knee, and she was like, ‘For this I think I need a pair of jeggings.’ ”

On meeting Eric: “Was it love at first sight?” asks Simpson. “No. I don’t know if I believe in that. But it was definitely I could love this man. And maybe I already do.”

On the engagement and proposal: “It was a complete shock,” she says, “a beautiful shock. It felt great for somebody to be on his knee, and I had to sit on that knee because I was so excited and overwhelmed I couldn’t even stand. Knowing that I had his knee to sit on in that moment was very magical. The way I always wanted it to be. I think I have a lot of stuff to write now. Not that I’m using him as a muse, but it makes me feel very open to share.”

Oh, Jessica: Johnson is inspiring Simpson, in a New Age–y sort of way. Together they follow the “Artist’s Way” practice of writing down their thoughts free form for an hour each morning. “I just let it flow,” she says. “My fiancé taught me that. He’ll get up in the morning and just write, so nothing blocks his emotional life. It doesn’t even have to be in sentence form; he just gets everything out, and that way he can function without getting in the way of himself, without being aggressive or judgmental. We do that together. Sometimes he takes that hour just reading, we’ll get out of bed and just read aloud to each other. He has so many books. Like, just books and books and books and books.”

[From New York Magazine]

I was applauding her up until she started in with the Eric stuff. Goodness, she’s dumb as a box of hair… specifically when it comes to men. I have to admit, Jessica might have some business acumen, and obviously, she deserves some of the credit for her success in fashion. But on a personal level, about men and about relationships… I just want to sit her down and pat her head and say “No, Farty, you’re doing it wrong.”

Here’s a story I’m hoping is made up. The National Enquirer is reporting that Jessica Simpson’s fiance is telling her that she needs to lose weight or he’s breaking up with her. That’s really harsh, and considering how impressionable and willing to please she is, if this happened I bet it was more of a suggestion than an ultimatum. Here’s the Enquirer’s report, which seems based on known details about Jessica’s diet and weight.

“Diet or we’re done!” Jessica Simpson’s expanding waistline prompted an ugly ultimatum like that from her fiance Eric Johnson – and pals say the blonde beauty is heartsick over vicious weight-related fights that are jeopardizing their wedding plans.

The 5-foot-3 singer is rapidly approaching the 150-pound mark because of her love for Mexican food, margaritas and “anything fried,” an insider told The Enquirer.

“And now it looks like her weight gain is ripping them apart!”

Eric, a former San Francisco 49ers football player, proposed in early November after a six-month courtship. “He is in tip-top shape and feels like Jessica is letting herself go,” divulged the insider.

“They’ve recently had some brutal fights, and finally Eric basically told Jess if she didn’t lose weight soon, he was calling the whole thing off. Eric is a vegan. He exercises daily and counts every calorie.”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, February 21, 2011]

I don’t see this happening like this, if at all. Eric knows which side his bread is buttered and Jessica may be eager to keep him, but he’s not going to treat her like she’s expendable. Plus she hasn’t gained that much weight since she started dating Eric, and he’s filled out a little too. In my experience guys don’t really notice if you gain 10 pounds. They’re usually just happy to get laid and aren’t a fraction as hung up on our weight as we are. If anything, Jessica is probably trying to diet and lose weight before the wedding and it’s her own idea, as is typical for brides to be.

I wonder, though, if Jessica is going to postpone her wedding or just take it a little slower now that her little sister Ashlee just filed for divorce. It seems like she might take her time with the planning process if she hasn’t set a date yet.

Photos of Jessica and Eric are from 2/4/11 after they went to lunch. I hope she has JBF hair because that’s the only excuse she could give that would explain it. Credit: Fame

Jessica Simpson’s Twitter-gushing about Eric Johnson is nothing new. It seems like once a month, Jessica tweets a photo of Eric with some kind of dumbass comment about how happy she is to be with a “Yalie” K-Fed or to simply declare that she “has a major crush” on him. Now Jessica has gotten on Twitter to thank her Lord (Lord Nachos, Bourbon Christ, Jesus H. Oreo) for Eric’s sweet ass. Literally, she’s thanking God for Eric’s “tush”. Girl, get it together. We know you’re happy and we’re happy for you too. But enough. He’s a K-Fed and he’s going to divorce you and take your money and it’s going to be a mess. Enough with the cyber-gushing.

Eric Johnson is in Jessica Simpson’s bedtime prayers – or at least part of him.

“Thank you Lord for blessing me with a Man that has the perfect Tush,” Simpson Tweeted on Saturday night. “Laying my hands upon it with peace ”

Simpson, 30, has been gushing on Twitter about her fiancé since they met last spring, posting a picture of a steamy kiss they shared in August, saying, “YUM!” and later calling him a stud.

It’s the not the first time the Push Your Tush singer has rhapsodized about a man’s backside. Even after breaking up with NFL quarterback Tony Romo, she said, “I still look at his cute butt in the outfit – uniform.”

[From People]

Do you like how she capitalized “Tush”? Like it’s a formal noun. Like God. Or Dong. She really is praising it. She should start a church for Golddigging K-Feds with cute butts. Natalie Portman’s fiancé could join!

Photos courtesy of WENN.

OK! Magazine has an absolutely hilarious story in this week’s print edition. It’s all about how Jessica Simpson is embarrassed by Eric Johnson! Not the other way around – Farty McCorndog isn’t embarrassing Eric, HE is embarrassing HER. Because he’s like K-Fed. Or the “ballet K-Fed”. Eric needs a catch-phrase too… “the football K-Fed”. Something like that. Anyway, apparently Jessica is coming to the slow realization (her only kind of realization) that Eric is jobless and that she pays for everything, and that if they get married, it will probably only get worse. What’s especially funny is the story about how Eric got all judgy about Jessica wanting to buy a $4000 Fendi bag. It’s her money, bitch. She can spend it how she wants!

If Eric Johnson is going to marry Jessica Simpson, he’d better learn the importance of an “It” bag. The couple went shopping in the Fendi store in Aspen over New year’s, and a fellow shopper spotted them looking at several $4,000 bags.

“Her fiancé made a comment that he didn’t get what made the bag so expensive – it was just a name – and why did she need it?” the eyewitness says. “Jess rolled her eyes and gave him a dirty look. She tried to laugh it off in front of the salesperson, but you could tell she was mortified.”

It wasn’t the first time Eric embarrassed her. In fact, Eric got so drunk at one of Aspen’s trendiest restaurants, he literally fell to the street as he stumbled out. And even after that, much to Jessica’s chagrin, Eric went on to drink at another restaurant.

And while the couple seems to be in love, his lack of sophistication, style and funds seems to put up a barrier between them. While Eric was once an NFL football player, his career was plagued with injuries and short-lived. Now he’s jobless and Jessica’s fashion business made almost a billion dollars last year.

Jessica is beginning to grow concerned because she pays for everything in the relationship. A source even says: “Jessica wants a super huge wedding, so that means it will be up to her to put up the cash.”

But other friends are concerned that Jess may be realizing she’s made a mistake with Eric.

“The thing is, as much as Jess could not wait to get engaged, she hasn’t actually set a date yet, not has she begun to make plans,” says the source. “It makes you wonder if the wedding will actually come off, or if Jess will get tired of paying the bills and look for a man who is more of a financial equal.”

[From OK Magazine, print edition]

I have two big reasons why I think this report isn’t the whole truth. First, the story about Eric being drunk off his ass. If that happened (probably), it was likely because he was trying to keep up with Jessica and her extremely high tolerance for liquor. Secondly, Jessica isn’t going to call off the wedding. She just isn’t. Let’s be honest, here. She isn’t.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

One thing I’ll give Jessica Simpson – the girl doesn’t need makeup. She has lovely skin, and I tend to think she looks really, really pretty when she’s not all made up. These are photos of Jessica at JFK airport in New York. There weren’t any photos of Eric, but I doubt she was traveling alone. Love means being shuffled around like a child – at least for Jessica. Plus, Jessica hasn’t gone anywhere without Eric lately. And it’s not like he has a lot going on, either. They spent New Year’s in Aspen, and now they’re returning to New York… perhaps to make some wedding arrangements?

Jessica Simpson is getting ready to be a newlywed again and is letting love guide her ideas to make the day picture perfect. It’s no secret Jessica Simpson, 30, is head-over-heels in love with her former NFL player fiance Eric Johnson. The two, who made a love connection this past summer, have moved at warped speed, quickly getting engaged and letting the world know they are totally devoted to one another. Are they ready to start ringing those wedding bells soon?

Sources tell HollywoodLife.com that their relationship is the real deal.

“Oh it ridiculous, in a good way! It is exactly what you see, they are in total 110% love,” a source close to Eric said. “They can’t keep their eyes and hands off each other, as cheesy as it sounds they are soulmates.”

Even though the pair are totally in love, wedding planning hasn’t gone into full effect. This doesn’t mean Jessica hasn’t already started throwing out a ton of ideas for her walk down the aisle.

“They are keeping it under wraps, but Jessica will get everything she wants out of this wedding,” our source said. “She wants this to be her last and truly believes that Eric is the one! He thinks the same about her.”

Let’s hope that’s true for Jessica’s sake! She’s carried the ”unlucky in love” label for a while now, and her new fiancé already has one failed marriage under his belt. But if Eric’s friend is to be believed, there’s nothing but smooth sailing ahead for the couple who are not only in a honeymoon phase but a “honeymoon institution.”

“They are so happy with each other that its something some might get jealous over, but it’s actually inspiring!”

[From Hollywood Life]

Do I believe they are in love? Eh. I think Jessica is in love, definitely. I think she falls in love fast and hard, and she will pretty much give her love to anyone and everyone who gives her the time of day. As far as Eric’s feelings for her. Well… he’s stayed with her so far, you know? He hasn’t been scared off by her stupidity, her need to one-up her ex-husband, her ham fetish, her drinking, or those unfortunate reindeer leggings. Maybe he loves her too. Or maybe he’s a golddigger. Advice for Jess: hope for the best, prepare for the worst. Get that prenup, and make sure it’s ironclad. Then enjoy your man – you paid for him.

Also, I still don’t have a clue as to why Jessica continues to carry around what looks like a cheap black faux fur rug. Is it her security blanket? WTF?

Photos courtesy of Bauer-Griffin.

Here is the fashion industry’s billion-dollar baby, Jessica Simpson, and her paid escort Eric Johnson in Aspen on New Year’s Eve. Don’t ask me what Jessica is wearing. I mean, I get that it’s really cold in Aspen and that Jessica’s center of gravity is off because of some weight gain (thus, the boots), but there is absolutely no excuse for those leggings. There’s no excuse for the entire outfit combination, but the leggings in and of themselves make me wonder if Jessica should perhaps be institutionalized. Surely, she’s trying to look bad, right?

Anyway, it looks like I was wrong. It looks like Nick Lachey’s Jedi mind trick didn’t work. Jessica Simpson did not get married on 1/1/11. Instead of getting hitched, they spent New Year’s Eve at some kind of dinner, which probably involved the consumption of a whole lobster, a ham, and an entire bottle of Jack Daniels.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Don’t ask me what Jessica Simpson is doing in these photos. I have no idea. I don’t know why she’s dressed like a goth hobo, and I have no idea what that thing is on her head, and I have no idea what she’s doing in Aspen. She’s apparently there with Eric Johnson. Poor dude. That’s what I think when I see him, although I actually feel sorry for both of them. I feel sorry for Jessica because she thinks she’s won some kind of prize with this guy, and I feel sorry for Eric because it must be embarrassing to date her. I’m not trying to be horrible, I’m really not. Jessica may be very sweet, and a very nice (and stupid) person. But she’s embarrassing.

Anyway, Star Magazine’s cover story this week is about how Jessica is a “homewrecker”. The tabloids have been trying to make this “Jessica home wrecked Eric’s marriage” story happen for a while, and while I will accuse Jessica of all kinds of things, I don’t really think this accusation is fair. Eric was separated from his wife when he and Jessica began dating, and he and estranged wife had some kind of quickie divorce when he and Jessica became more serious. Is it poorly timed? Yes. Is it sketchy? Sure. But Jessica thought she was starting something with a free agent, and I think she was. BUT – Star has “proof” that there’s more to the story:

Eric and Jessica first met in 2009 – not only was he still married at the time, but Star has learned exclusively that Eric’s wife was by his side on that fateful night when he first locked eyes with the bodacious blonde! That didn’t stop Jessica from pursuing a relationship behind the scenes with Eric shortly after he and his wife, Keri Johnson, agreed to “take a break” to try to fix a rough patch in their four-and-a-half year marriage, a friend tells Star.

“Keri told me, ‘I always hoped Eric and I could iron out our problems and make it work for good. Then I started hearing rumors that he and Jessica were spending time together!’ It was like a cold, hard slap in the face – and it’s really difficult for anyone close to Keri to see Jessica as anything but a man-stealer!”

[From Star Magazine, print edition]

Those are the basics, although Star Mag fills another two pages with the same stuff, rehashed in different ways. Jessica and Eric first met when he and his wife were fine, then Eric and Keri separated, and Eric and Jessica began seeing each other. Oh, and they make a big deal about how Jessica claimed in a recent interview that she had never met Keri, which Keri’s “friends” are quick to jump on as LIE that proves everything, I guess. Maybe Keri really did think she and Eric were going to get back together, BUT they really were separated at the time. Whatever. Actually, I find the most interesting piece of news in the story is that Keri told friends that Eric was “plain out of money” towards the end of their marriage. Now THAT I’ll believe. Lucky for him, he found a rich, ditzy blonde full of raging need.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Poor Jessica Simpson! Poor, poor thing. She announces her engagement, simply hoping to steal Nick Lachey’s thunder, only to get her thunder stolen by Kate Middleton. And then Tony Romo! SOB. And now she even has to compete with Hugh Hefner and Natalie Portman and LeAnn Rimes? QUADRUPLE SOB. No one is ever going to pay attention to Jessica ever again! So Jessica took to Twitter to give thanks and well wishes to the “3 new studs in the fam” – Pete Wentz, Bronx and Eric Johnson. Sigh… sure. Whatever.

Jessica Simpson spent Christmas with her family, including her groom-to-be Eric Johnson, and the singer-turned-designer wants everyone to know about it. “Eric is the perfect addition to our family!” she Tweeted.

RadarOnline.com has learned the family all gathered at Simpson’s parents’ Encino, CA home on Christmas Eve.

It was Johnson’s first Christmas with Simpson and her clan, and she tweeted that many more are ahead. “I’m so grateful this holiday season!!! I hope everyone had a magical Christmas! Love you X.”

She and Johnson became engaged in November, in the same week her ex-husband Nick Lachey announced his engagement.

Simpson even spread the love around, acknowledging other family members. “We are lucky to have 3 new studs in the fam: Pete, BX, and EJ!” she tweeted, in reference to her sister Ashlee’s husband, her nephew Bronx, 2, and her fiance.

“Oh and I can’t forget Bentley!!!” she said, referring to her dog.

[From Radar]

You know how I totally called the time frame for Eddie Cibrian and LeAnn Rimes announcing their engagement? Well, I’ve been wondering and theorizing that Jessica and Eric would marry on New Year’s Eve or New Year’s Day. I’m not feeling as “this is definitely going to happen” as I was with LeAnn’s engagement, but I’m giving this a “very solid possibility” as far as gossip goes. After all, Jessica and Eric officially got engaged on 11/11 – why not marry on 1/1/11? It could totally be on. We’ll see.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Here is In Touch Weekly’s hilarious cover this week – Jessica Simpson is being “betrayed”! By whom? Eric Johnson, of course. According to In Touch, Jessica is “blinded by love” to the point where she reportedly isn’t asking for a prenup – although Us Weekly is shooting that down now. A “source” close to Jessica and Eric tells Us Weekly that Eric “is not a gold digger” and that “there will definitely be a prenup… Jessica has said she wants one. Jessica and Eric have talked about it. [Eric] understands that there needs to be a prenup. He’s supportive of it. He really loves her. He’s a low key guy. He’s not into the glitz and materialism of Hollywood at all.”

So he’s not into glitz and glamour? Then what does he DO all day? Well, even though ITW was wrong about the prenup (God willing), I will buy this: Jessica has put Eric on her payroll. He’s even got a title! There’s no mention of what the title is, though, so I think we should have fun with that. Eric Johnson: Dong On Demand. Eric Johnson: Professional Gold-digger. Eric Johnson: The White K-Fed. Eric Johnson: Jessica Simpson’s Purse-Holder. Oh, and ITW also says that Jessica gave him a “corporate credit card” so he could buy her dinner. Because Jessica’s man issues go hand-in-hand with her food issues. As for ITW’s claims, Gossip Cop refutes some of them here – apparently, Eric isn’t a COMPLETE Gold-digger.

These are photos of Jessica Simpson and Eric Johnson out and about in LA on Friday. The agency says they are leaving the club Trousdale. You can tell, because Jessica looks toasty – and we know how she loves to get drunk. However, The Daily Mail reports that before they even went clubbing, Jessica at least had a big meal. Jessica took her VEGAN fiancé to BOA Steakhouse. Um, I guess they have salads there?

Jessica Simpson’s fiancé Eric Johnson took a firm grip on his lady as they took a stroll out for dinner last night in West Hollywood. The newly engaged couple laughed and smiled and seemed delighted to be together after enjoying a meal at BOA Steakhouse.

The restaurant was quite clearly Jessica’s choice, given her partner of seven months is a staunch vegan.

The 30-year-old singer looked casually chic in a monochrome outfit for her date night with her man. She wore a black and white chequered mini-skirt and paired it with a black blazer. Her black Louis Vuitton bag accessorised her outfit perfectly.

Promoting her new album Happy Christmas she said: ‘We have not started planning. I’m trying to get through all this promotion. Who knows what will happen? I personally have no idea. I have not set a date and I can’t even think about putting together like table settings and all that. We’re just going to enjoy the engagement and we’ll get married the moment we feel like it.’

However, the star revealed she hoped the marriage to the 31-year-old American footballer would take place within the next year.

‘By next Christmas, hopefully,’ she said. ‘We don’t have any plans but I’m pretty sure by next Christmas we’ll be married.’

[From The Daily Mail]

Yeah, I think they’ll be married on or by New Year’s, so what do I know? I don’t think this “whirlwind” romance is going to have an extended engagement. As far as the whole vegan thing, jointly with the steakhouse thing… I honestly don’t think Jessica understands what “vegan” is. Eric probably told her that he couldn’t eat turkey because he’s vegan and Jessica is like “Oh, but he can eat steak, right?”

Photos courtesy of WENN.