How is it possible that the European Union beat the USA to this one? Shouldn’t Budweiser, Coors, Miller, and Schlemeil, Schlamozzle Haffenereffer Incorporated have had a think tank working on this concept decades ago?

Somebody has dropped the ball … because when America ain’t leading the world in beer and big boobs … well that just ain’t a world I wanna live in.

Combining America’s two favorite pastimes — Breast Beer is the rage that’s sweeping the Euopean Union.

European men are flocking to Bulgaria to buy ‘breast-boosting beer’ after EU accession led to customs duties on the drink being abolished.

The millet-ale called Boza which is made from fermented wheat flour and yeast is being snapped up by bar owners, shopkeepers and shoppers from across Europe.

They are said to be keen for their wives and girlfriends to benefit from its reported ability to make women’s breasts grow.

And to think some folks were leery of letting poverty afflicted Bulgaria into the EU … I think there’s a lesson here for all of us … wealth can’t just be measured in cold hard cash … but cold frosty mug sizes and cup sizes too.

Paris Hilton is proving once again that she has a near endless ability to spin any news into good news. Following revelations that her lazy left eye is the result of a botched eye lift the heiress has cut a deal with The Spinach Growers of America (SGA) to appear as their new Paris ‘Popeye” Hilton Spokesperson. That ain’t just spin … it’s a salad spinner.

Miss Hilton has controversially refused to follow Doctor’s advice and cease her near constant use of the zombie blue contact lenses, which are reportedly aggravating her condition. One source close to her medical team reports: “That eye has been drooping like the backend of a lazy hound dawg for years … let me tell you … she keeps up like this — that dawg won’t hunt much longer!”

But in yet another example of Hilton hubris turned savvy Paris has transformed her permanent wink from a medical problem to a financial asset. “Popeye” Hilton will be launching a multi-media, vitamin rich, international advertising campaign to bring Spinach back from it’s recent troubles with E. Coli — which recently killed one and sickened 187 other spinach eating unfortunates .

Feeling uneasy about their industry’s future, and not knowing what it might take to win back public confidence. The SGA was thrilled to hit upon the Parisian solution.

“Nowadays when the public thinks Spinach they think fecal-matter borne, deadly bacteria — with Paris as our spokesperson we have turned that into a positive. Everyone knows she’s America’s number one Petri dish and all the more popular for it.” said SGA Media rep Alice Goon ‘” and given that our previous Popeye was a Sailorman we look forward to Leno, Letterman and Stewart doing endless seamen jokes.”

So if your neighbor had a statue of Ronald McDonald outside of their house, don’t you think the neighborhood association would complain?

Apparently the Grieger family had a statue of Mr. McDonald outside of their home for twenty years which was recently stolen.

State police were seeking information about the cement statue that Grieger estimated must weigh about 300 pounds.

My goodness! How the hell…? I mean, in a way, they sort of deserve that statue don’t you think? I mean, 300 lbs.?! And they did it without anyone noticing, waking up, or calling the cops? I’m assuming it’s a “they” considering the statue is roughly the size of a desert antelope.

I don’t know, there’s no way that I could have pulled off this sort of stunt. The closest I’ve come is stealing an Angelina Jolie Tomb Raider cut out from the grocery store. That took a lot of balls on my behalf. Sure it only weighed like 10 lbs. but it was larger than life… or at least, larger than me. Plus when I was running, I didn’t have enough strength to manually open the automated entrance so I had to wait for them to slide open.

Anyway, me thinks this gentleman is the culprit:

Thanks to MyWay.com and CollegeHumor.com

I’ve found some videos I wanted to share that aren’t about entertainment, but are still entertaining.

Invisible Octopus. Apparently this is real and octopuses have the ability to camouflage themselves almost instantly. My two year old son wanted to watch it over and over:

Breakdancing little Indian guy. This is also old, but new to me. It’s so un-pc I felt guilty even liking it. Its from a Tamil Movie in 1990 that starred Rajnikanth and features little person actor Thavakalai. The music is a remix of Madonna’s Holiday by Dutch artists MC Miker G and DJ Sven. (You may have seen it before as it’s really popular.)

Human Slingshot. Do not try this in your giant backyard. A guy commented that he did this back in 1977, “got a severe case of whiplash, and have been in almost constant pain ever since.”
A Virginia high school art teacher was fired for using his ass to paint. That’s right, he painted with his ass, and he demonstrates it here while wearing a thong. He also said he uses “other body parts.”
There’s also a video ode to the camel toe, but I couldn’t decide if I liked it or not.

Page Six reports that Sacha Baron Cohen, better known as Borat, Ali G and Bruno, didn’t pose for pictures at a pre Golden Globes party. He looks a bit reluctant posing with his Globe at the Paramount after party in these pictures. They say he wants to stay out of the spotlight and it could be so that he can continue pulling the wool over people’s eyes while in character. He’s about to film a new movie as another one of his alter egos, flaming Austrian fashion commentor Bruno, and doesn’t want to be recognized.

Stardom seems to have gone to the head of Sacha Baron Cohen, who attended HBO’s pre-Golden Globes party at the Chateau Marmont, but refused to pose for photos. “He needs to stop being so recognizable,” laughed one spy.

Cohen - who seems more comfortable when he stays in character as Ali G or Borat - is said to be “shunning publicity” to prepare for his next movie, where he’ll star as his third character, the flamboyant Austrian fashion reporter Bruno.

My favorite Bruno bit is when he interviews a Miami club owner and asks him how he makes sure undesirables - like people in wheelchairs - can’t get in. The guy answers all serious-like that he just puts people off to the side and makes them wait. (At least that’s how I remember it.)

I’ve read this before about Cohen, and it seems like he wants to keep his personal life private and is only comfortable being in the spotlight when he’s in character. He’s dedicated to the Jewish faith and keeps the Sabbath, which seems like a wild contrast to the misogynistic Kazakh who sang “throw the Jew down the well” to a room full of cheering yokels.

I wonder what kind of psychological issues that can create in a person. There was a story in mid November about Hugh Laurie saving Cohen from getting beaten up by an angry guy on the street who was the victim of one of Borat’s pranks. Commentors said at that time that Cohen is a lot like Andy Kaufman of Taxi fame. Poor Boopie said “This is a guy who does not like to be out of character and blurs the line between character and reality.” (Andy Kaufman was so good at character-based comedy, that some fans still doubt that Kaufman is dead, calling it an elaborate hoax. Kaufman was said to have died in 1984 of renal failure caused by a rare form of lung cancer. Kaufman was a non-smoker and told people that he waunted to fake his death.)

There seems to be a difference between playing a role for years, like on a long-running soap opera, and pretending you actually are that character when you meet other people IRL. Maybe Cohen just doesn’t want fans to know who he is so they’ll be more convinced by his obnoxious characters. It’s got to affect him, thogh, and his kind of apologetic look here suggests that the “real” Cohen isn’t that comfortable in the spotlight.

Here’s Cohen’s Golden Globe acceptance speech. He seems all serious in the beginning, and then cracks a joke about having his costar sit on his face:

Update: pictures removed due to end of subscription agreement with photo agency.

Usually, during a game of Trivial Pursuit, the correct answers help you succeed. In the case of Flurisha L. Cooper, the wrong answers got her hits off a blunt and shots of brandy.

This article is very interesting. For one, it specifically explains what a blunt is. When I was in high school, to me, a blunt meant a giant doober that you share with others. Unless you’re ape enough to smoke it all by yourself… you crazy fool. Additionally, it specifies that Ms. Cooper was the yellow piece. I don’t know why it’s of any significance, but I guess next time I play Trivial Pursuit with my smoke buddies, I’ll be the yellow piece… if I had smoke buddies.

A 21-year-old woman was hospitalized for intoxication over the weekend after “continually providing wrong answers” during a game of Trivial Pursuit where participants drank alcohol and did drugs when they answered incorrectly.

Flurisha L. Cooper, of the 1000 block of N. Central Park Ave., and Bridgette Pierce, of the 1500 block of E. 65th St., were playing the 2006 Current Events version of Trivial Pursuit about 6:30 p.m. Saturday on the 1000 block of N. Monticello Ave, according to a report taken by Harrison District police officers.

If a player provided an incorrect answer, that person would take a shot of E&J Brandy and take a “hit” off a cannabis “blunt,” according to the report, which defined a “blunt” as the street name for cannabis rolled up in cigar leaves.

Cooper, 21, who was the yellow piece, continually provided wrong answers, resulting in over intoxication. She was taken to Norwegian-American Hospital where was listed in good condition, the report stated.

Okay, back to your gossip.

Yesterday we published the story that Aniston was partying it up in Los Cabos, Mexico with Courteney Cox, Sheryl Crow and Courteney’s family for the holiday. Flynet online has some pictures of the group out to dinner, and it looks like Los Cabos is a favorite with celebrities this season. Apprentice winner Bill Rancic and his girlfriend E! star Giuliana DiPandi were there along with Nicollette Sheridan and Michael Bolton. Flynet reports that they all ate together at the same restaurant on New Year’s eve. Adam Sandler and his wife were also seen out in Los Cabos that day.

In an effort to boost ratings, NBC starts showing popular YouTube clips in prime time.

Hip hop producer Scott Storch completes a new album with the Bush Twins, who go on to become the next t.A.T.u.

The Lohan/Hilton fued will reach its conclusion after Lohan releases the “dis” single “Going back to Paris” and gunplay mars the opening of Herbie: Fully Loaded Part Two.

Jack Black will draw boos at Wrigley field after scatting over “Take Me Out to the Ballgame.”

Tobey Keith will stay in the closet.

The Rosie O’Donnell Donald Trump fued will end in a televised mud wrestling match that cable subscribers will have to pay NOT to watch.

Suri Cruise, Shiloh Jolie-Pitt, Davie Banda-Richie, and Maddox Jolie-Pitt form the Emo band “Taking Back Childhood” and are instantly signed to Victory records.

In the new Martin Scorsese movie, Jack Nicholson plays an insane movie director who uses his mob ties to threaten the Oscar committee into giving him the Academy Award.

Nicole Richie will digest a cheese sandwich.

In the new Indiana Jones movie, Harrison Ford will discover a fossilized version of himself .

The new Tom Cruise/Steven Spielberg movie will open with a heartwarming scene in which Cruise displays his amazing acting range, followed by a 75 minute chase scene.

Rush Limbaugh draws criticism when he claims that Gerald Ford is obviously acting or forgot to take his medication.

The Simple Life 5 will end in tragedy and legal action when the stars attempt to fill in for two heart surgeons in a Tulsa, Oklahoma emergency room.

Despite strong Internet buzz, the new Samuel L Jackson film, Spiders on the Bus, does less than expected at the box office.

A police situation and hostage situation develops after Dustin Diamond (aka Screech from Saved by the Bell and Internet porn fame) claims squatters rights and refuses to leave The Surreal Life set.

Lindsay Lohan resolves to wear thong underwear to all funerals.

Britney Spears plans to make sure her children are properly secured in car seats before she drives under the influence.

Nicole Richie resolves to poop after she eats.

Paris Hilton resolves to quit being such a homebody and get out of the house more.

Angelina Jolie, in an effort to be taken seriously as an actress and humanitarian, plans to play the role of the princess in the new Mario Bros movie.

Madonna resolves to get more publicity for something she’ll figure out later.

Tom Cruise vows to quit exercising so hard and let himself go a little.

Matthew McConaughey vows to exercise shirtless outdoors at least once a week.

Christina Aguilera plans to be a bit more glamorous.

Victoria Beckham wants to lose those pesky last three pounds.

Jennifer Aniston plans to do a lot more cathartic yoga.

Nicole Kidman vows not to be the subject of any country songs.

Jessica Simpson vows to take some time off and relax.

Eva Longoria plans to speak her mind, or whatever comes to mind at the time.

Anna Nicole resolves to get blotto every day.

K-Fed resolves to get as much cash as possible in the divorce settlement and still come off as the good guy.

George Clooney vows to play the field in memory of his departed pig.

Thanks to my brother Mike for help with this list, some of which is humor, some obvious.

The folks at JibJab offer their Year in Review animation. Celebrity news takes equal billing with world affairs, and the result is a cute look back at 2006.