First racism and now ageism. I’m having a terrible morning!! Anyway, we decided to put all of the old(er) broads in one post, because… well, you know. As much as I love Meryl Streep, Helen Mirren and Glenn Close, they’re never going to be the most talked-about fashionistas. I was surprised when Meryl won Best Actress – I really thought Viola Davis had this whole thing in the bag, but every now and then, people just like to give Meryl an award, and God bless them. Meryl is pure joy, even when she’s cussing up a storm about her glasses. Though I love Meryl, and I think she’s a fierce bitch in almost all areas, I hated her Alessandra Rich shirtdress. Dear Meryl: do not wear shirtdresses to the Golden Globes. PS… I love you.

Meryl beat out Glenn Close for Best Actress, and the silver lining is that Glenn didn’t have to get on stage in this hideousness. Look, I think Glenn is beautiful. I’m undecided as to whether she’s had work done, but I like that she looks her age, and she looks beautiful for her age, and her talent is extraordinary. But the best thing I can say about this gown was that it was a pretty color and it was age-appropriate. Maybe a little too appropriate, because Glenn looks older than she should.

Dame Helen Mirren was one of my best-dressed of the night, which you probably suspected because you know I’m a whore for jewel tones. Helen wore this stunning Badgley Mischka, which managed to be age-appropriate, yet made her look sexy and young. Yay for Helen! She’s so adorable.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Here are some photos of Helen Mirren and her crazy awesome figure in Berlin, Germany. Helen attended a charity gala for Ein Herz fur Kinder (A Heart for Children). Look at her body. Bitch is 66 years old, and her body is a million times more bangin’ than mine. Of course, I would never have the confidence to pull off a dress that made my boobs look like missiles. Sexy missiles, but missiles nonetheless. Seriously, this is just one of those dresses that only someone like Helen could pull off – her little waist, those boobs, that confidence. Is it any wonder that Helen was recently named “the most stylish woman over 50”? I think that’s a good title for her, actually. She is stylish and sexy, and she shows women that confidence at any age is the best accessory. Hawt.

The Mail saw these photos, and they were reminded of those now-iconic photos of Helen in a red bikini in Italy several years ago. Helen spoke about what those bikini photos meant to her – “The bloody photograph was a lie because I don’t actually look like that and I know that it’s going to haunt me forever and I’ll be forever trying to bury it unsuccessfully.” Oh, Helen. Such false modesty. Your body is bangin’, just admit it.

Meanwhile, Princess Charlene of Monaco received an award at this gala, although I don’t have any photos of her – you can see some here. She probably saw Helen on the red carpet and was like, “Yeah, I can’t compete.”

Photos courtesy of WENN.

These are some photos from last night’s London premiere of The Debt, that Nazi-huntin’ film that’s been out in the US for weeks. I saw it on its opening weekend, and I already reviewed it here – it’s a deeply flawed film, but I didn’t flat-out hate it. Helen Mirren and Jessica Chastain were good, Sam Worthington is no longer just a dumb meathead to me, and I’m now in love with Marton Csokas, who is like the budget Clive Owen (and Budget Clive is nothing to sniff at, let me say). Anyway, London premiere, new photos. Helen Mirren looked stunning AGAIN. Bitch almost always gets it right. Last night she wore this gorgeous crimson silk dress/suit that looks absolutely stunning on her. She accessorized perfectly too – simple, classic jewelry, black clutch, hair back. Classy. Elegant. Beautiful. She has a cute ass too.

Next up: Jessica Chastain, who plays the younger version of Helen Mirren (they play the same character, 30-some years apart). I’m not really on the Chastain bandwagon quite yet – yes, I think the girl is talented, and I think it’s interesting that she’s in every movie this year and yet I basically don’t know anything about her. But she seems rather… I don’t know, bland? Maybe that’s how she wants to seem, so that she can become any character. If she’s aiming for bland, she’s succeeded. Her dress is Vivienne Westwood – it’s pretty, but something’s off with the look as a whole. Maybe more jewelry? A clutch?

Colin Firth and Livia! Neither of them are in The Debt, so I guess they just came out for a date night or something. Livia looks gorge.

And finally, one of my newest boyfriends, Marton Csokas. I’ve actually had a thing for him ever since he’s small but ass-kicking part in The Bourne Supremacy and then I also thought he was the best part (joint with Jonny Lee Miller) of Aeon Flux. So… I’ve been hot for him for a while, and it’s good to see him do some more mainstream films. Budget Clive Owen = Biscuit tingles.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Yesterday, I went to see The Debt. I was really looking forward to it, but after I saw it, I barely thought about it again. It’s not that I didn’t appreciate that the film was made – I think stories of Nazi-hunting and the early days of the Mossad are fascinating, and I wish more movies and books were out, telling those stories. But there were problems in the basic storytelling of The Debt, and in the end, the film isn’t very good.

The basic plot: The Debt tells the stories of three Mossad agents in 1967, as they are hunting “the surgeon of Birkenau” in East Germany and those same agents in 1997, as they are older and jaded. First, the cast is fantastic, and all of the actors turned in the best performances they could with a deeply flawed screenplay. Sam Worthington and Ciarán Hinds play the same character, and both were excellent, although I would have loved to see Hinds in the film more. I always think that Sam is such a meathead, but he did this quiet, dramatic role very well – his part was mostly intense looks. Tom Wilkinson and Marton Csokas play the same character – which is weird, because Tom looks nothing like Marton. Marton gives me huge Clive Owen vibes, which is to say he makes my biscuits have a party. Csokas is a sexy bitch in this film, but in the end, he’s just kind of jackass of a character.

The bulk of the story falls on Helen Mirren, and her younger version played by Jessica Chastain. Chastain does an admirable job as the completely green, in-over-her-head spy, while Helen could give depth and weight to the most asinine of line readings. The creepiest scenes in the movie involved Chastain and her work with the actor playing the Nazi, the “surgeon of Birkenau”.

As for the flaws… well, let me do this:

SPOILERS BELOW….

The failures of the plot were about the supposed “moral dilemma” of whether Nazis should be captured and put on trial or whether they should just be killed outright. There was also the “moral dilemma” of whether or not you should take credit for something that you didn’t accomplish, and take credit for it simply because no one will ever find out. The first moral dilemma is rooted in the actual history of the state of Israel – they wanted to have trials of the captured Nazis, because they wanted to show the world what had happened during the Holocaust, and because they thought war crimes trials would be the most moral and just way of handling the issue. So what’s the problem? Seeing three Israeli spies agonize over the life of a Nazi is eye-roll inducing. Is it really a moral dilemma to kill someone who murdered thousands?

As for the second moral dilemma, that of taking credit for something that no one would be able to prove otherwise – meh. That’s the part of the film that was a mess. Mirren did the best she could do, but the last twenty minutes of the film were just awful.

Oh, and my last problem with the film – the Chastain/Mirren character wouldn’t have been sent on that mission, I don’t think. She was there for a specific reason – because the mission needed a younger woman to set the trap – but I don’t buy that Mossad would have sent a woman who was so young, so emotional, and so untested on this important mission.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

People are always giving Helen Mirren awards for her body. I remember… I think it was last year, when Esquire was doing polling on the hottest Hollywood women, the editors were shocked at how many men, of all ages, loved Helen Mirren and thought she was a hot piece. Helen recently “won” the “best body” title by LA Fitness, beating out Jennifer Lopez and Kelly Brook, amongst others. Helen has finally gotten the chance to respond:

Helen Mirren has admitted she was stunned to be given a ‘Best Body’ title and insists Jennifer Lopez should have got the award. The 66 year old star beat J-Lo, Elle MacPherson and Kelly Brook to the title awarded by fitness chain LA Fitness.

Mirren said she probably got the title as a ‘sympathy vote’ and said Lopez should have won.

‘It’s ridiculous: J-Lo is a thousand times, a thousand million times more of a beautiful body than I am, head-to-toe,’ said Mirren. ‘Maybe I got sympathy votes. But it was a beautiful thing that these fitness people did, I have to say. I think it was recognition of the fact that you don’t have to be perfect.’

Gym chain LA Fitness said of the award last month: ‘Helen Mirren’s victory in our Best Body poll illustrates how, when it comes to body maintenance and well-being, age really is nothing but a number. It’s great to see the public celebrating bodies of all shapes and sizes, and proving that you really can look fabulous over 40 and 50.’

Speaking on CBS TV ‘The Early Show, Mirren said she planned to talk to 40 year old Lopez about the award.

‘My husband is working with J. Lo at the moment in his latest movie, and he was thrilled because the pictures of me and J. Lo both on the front page of a newspaper, and he’s, ‘Oh, my two leading ladies.”

Asked if she had spoken to the American Idol judge, Mirren said: ‘Not yet. I’m sure we will, but it’s iniquitous, she’s a thousand times more beautiful than I am. It’s just kindness, the kindness of strangers.’

Mirren spoke about the Best Body award while promoting her new film ‘The Debt’ which opens in the US on Wednesday.

[From The Mail]

You know I like Jennifer’s body too, and my problem is just with Jennifer’s funky styling. That being said, I think I would prefer to have Kelly Brook’s epic hourglass figure rather than J.Lo’s or Helen’s. Although… Helen’s body looked like Kelly’s when Helen was younger.

By the way, I’m totally going to see The Debt this weekend. I can’t wait! It looks so good, and even though Roger Ebert said it had some issues. Should I do a review of it after I see it? Here’s the trailer again… Marton Csokas reminds me of Clive Owen (sigh, biscuit tingle).

Photos courtesy of WENN.

OMG, have you see the trailer for The Debt? I’m SO seeing this movie. But I love stories about Mossad and the Cold War – Spielberg’s Munich is one of the best movies ever! Anyway, The Debt. It’s a film told in two storylines – these three Mossad agents are hunting a Nazi war criminal in the USSR in the years after WWII, and then the three agents as senior spies, reflecting on their mission and how the mission was screwed up. Helen Mirren is one of the spies! And Jessica Chastain plays the young Mirren character. The film also stars Sam Worthington, Marton Csokas, Tom Wilkinson, and Ciarán Hinds (*squeal*). Here’s the trailer. It looks so good.

Anyway, Mirren and Chastain were the stars of a screening last night. Or should I say, Helen Mirren was the star, because the bitch looks AMAZING. Helen’s red dress is Michael Kors. I even love her blowout! I guess I should mention that Dame Helen is wearing fug ankle shoes/booties, though. She has great legs, but you can’t tell because of her shoe choice.

Jessica Chastain (who is in everything these days) wore an edited Christian Dior from 2008. It’s pretty, although it’s hit-or-miss wearing such a pale color when you’re a pale redhead. Jessica makes it work, though, and she’s got a killer figure. The makeup is overdone – raccoon eyes! I blame Duchess Kate.

And Alan Cumming, for no reason other than he’s fabulous and he needs to STOP. I do not need to see Cumming’s cleavage.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Helen Mirren may be crazy (don’t ask her about her thoughts on rape), but she still gets a lot of love from women who hope to age as beautifully as she has. Remember the infamous bikini photos? Yeah, I wouldn’t mind looking like that right now. I’ve always thought that Helen was all-natural, un-Botoxed, without fillers, with no nips or tucks. I hope I’m right. Last year, Helen came out in defense of actresses who get plastic surgery, saying “You go, ‘I don’t want to look at that face anymore,’ and I understand that, absolutely… I think people should be allowed to do whatever they want to make themselves feel happy.” Well, Dame Helen is adding some nuance to that opinion. She hates it when “young people” get plastic surgery:

She may not be against plastic surgery in general, but that doesn’t mean Dame Helen Mirren is okay with just anyone engaging in a little nip-tuck action.

The 66-year-old Oscar winning actress, who has openly supported plastic surgery in the past but has never gone under the knife herself, recently revealed that she doesn’t approve of young people altering their bodies.

“The only thing I don’t like on young people is plastic surgery,” the Academy Award winning actress admits in the September issue of InStyle Magazine, when asked about fashion advice for younger women.

“The purity of youthful beauty is so fantastic to me that it’s horrific when young girls get fake things.”

The September issue of InStyle Magazine, which features a gorgeous photo shoot of the timeless beauty modeling sexy and sophisticated fall fashions, is on newsstands now.

[From Radar]

I understand what Helen is saying, and one look at Megan Fox or Kim Kardashian’s cat-face just proves to me that some younger ladies are getting worked over, and it’s completely unnecessary. Mostly, I just agree with Helen because I don’t think she’s made of lies and drowning in phony sanctimony, like that ‘Toxed and tweaked a–hole Kate Winslet.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Over the years, Esquire has had its ups and downs as far as quality is concerned, and the magazine has recently experienced a sharp downturn in terms of its main feature interviews, which have resulted in some unmistakable disservices done towards the likes of poor Bradley Cooper and Matthew McConaughey. However, Esquire is still churning out entertaining editions of its monthly “What I’ve Learned” column, which remains one of my favorite parts of the magazine to this date. Oh sure, there was a bit of a slip of a few years ago when they let Paris Hilton pretend that she knew a few things about life, but usually, the column still runs like a charm, especially when it comes to learning random pearls of wisdom from George Clooney, John Malkovich, and the hive mind of Tim Burton and Johnny Depp. This month, Helen Mirren dispenses her own version of “What I’ve Learned,” and the 65-year old actress continues to charm our pants off, virtually speaking, with a series of quotes:

Whenever I see the queen, I always think, Oh, there I am!

Being the daughter of a cabbie, I really do appreciate a good back route.

The best compliment? Right after winning the Oscar, when everyone was going home, they let these little gold Oscary shapes flutter down from the ceiling. Leonardo DiCaprio came over, bowed down, and kissed my hand. It was the most fabulous moment — such a lovely gesture. He didn’t say anything.

We’re all idiots when we’re young. We don’t think we are, but we are. So we should be.

Shakespeare was writing at a time of great censorship. You couldn’t say certain things or you’d literally have your head chopped off. But within those parameters he found great freedom.

The whole thing of clothes is insane. You can spend a dollar on a jacket in a thrift store. And you can spend a thousand dollars on a jacket in a shop. And if you saw those two jackets walking down the street, you probably wouldn’t know which was which.

Chemistry is an absolute mystery. People who really don’t like each other can have fantastic chemistry onscreen. And people who adore each other can have absolutely no chemistry onscreen. It’s totally weird — lightning in a bottle.

The hardest period in life is one’s twenties. It’s a shame because you’re your most gorgeous and you’re physically in peak condition. But it’s actually when you’re most insecure and full of self-doubt. When you don’t know what’s going to happen, it’s frightening.

It would be wrong to think that you’re always right and correct and perfect and brilliant. Self-doubt is the thing that drives you to try to improve yourself.

I am quite spiritual. I believed in the fairies when I was a child. I still do sort of believe in the fairies. And the leprechauns. But I don’t believe in God.

It’s such a crapshoot, and very often the talented people get lost by the wayside and the people with less talent are successful, and you don’t know why. It’s all such a mysterious random thing, so it’s very hard to give people advice.

You don’t want to mislead people. They’ll say, “Oh, it’s my dream. I just have to believe in myself and it’ll happen.” It’s just not true. Some people throw away their lives following a dream and a dream is all it was. On the other hand, you do have to believe in yourself for anything to happen.

Some people are brilliant at dying. It’s hard to stop breathing, and inevitably you get an itchy nose or something. The trick of dying onstage is to make sure you do it behind the sofa or in a dark corner.

Helen is about as fabulous as they come, isn’t she? It’s nearly impossible to dislike anything about this woman, and — as clichéd as this sounds — she really does get better with age, much like a very sassy bottle of fine wine. That story about Leo is just amazing too because when I usually think about him, humility is not the first descriptor that comes to mind, but I guess he was probably just overwhelmed by the greatness of one Helen Mirren.

Photos courtesy of Esquire and WENN

I showed one of these photos yesterday, but I didn’t identify where it came from. Yesterday, Gwyneth attended the “Flower Show For Peasants” (also known as the Chelsea Flower Show) in England. Dame Goop was there to shill her cook book to the English peasants. She did not look thrilled about it, in my opinion. I think Goop is kind of “over” this whole “promoting one’s book in a tour of the peasant shopping districts” thing. I didn’t really hate Goop’s outfit – white jacket, white blouse, khaki pants, heels (okay, the pants are totally fug). But I hate her hair. She’s still flat-ironing it! Goop and Jennifer Aniston have that in common – they’re both so 1990s with their flat-irons.

Also: can you tell how much Gwyneth hates posing with her book? Like, she’s ashamed to be at this event with all of these authentic English people and she feels like a dirty American peasant trying to make a buck. That’s what she is, though.

Meanwhile, an ACTUAL Dame, Dame Helen Mirren was also at the Chelsea Flower event too. She was invited because a carnivorous plant was being named in her honor. Damn, Dame Helen is so awesome even botanists are like “let’s name this man-eating plant after Helen Mirren.”

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Russell Brand and his two lady lovers were at the London premiere of Arthur last night, but Rusty was bad (so bad) and he only posed with one of them. After months of taunting us with their deliciously inappropriate cougar-cub hotness, Rusty seemed to avoid Dame Helen Mirren like the plague on the red carpet. Instead, he focused on his wife, Katy Perry. I imagine that Katy made him promise to stay by her side all night, and ignore “the other woman.” Rusty obliged – and he actually looks totally enamored with his wife, which just makes me sad (because I don’t think it’s going to last).

But Dame Helen put up a good fight, and if society was a bit more accepting about these things, I think Rusty and Helen would have left their partners long ago to follow their love. So Helen put on her animal print and her motorcycle jacket, and she made sure that every time Rusty glanced over, she looked hot and fabulous.

So here’s the question – if you were in Rusty’s position, and you had to choose between Katy Perry and Helen Mirren, who would you choose? And we’re talking love, people. This is not a “one night stand” question. This is a “choose your Forever Biscuit” question. Helen or Katy? Choose wisely.

Oh, did I mention? I HATE Katy’s Philip Armstrong dress. With her coloring, she should be wearing jewel tones and avoiding nudes like the plague. Plus, the dress just looks really cheap and shoddy.

Photos courtesy of WENN.