Ke$ha is a chubby chaser. She loves a little chunk on her men. She doesn’t like them all skinny and gangly and bony, like, say, Russell Brand She wants a little cushion. She wants to know if Russell Brand has a chubby friend. Oh, and she likes her chubby dude with a beard and a sense of humor, too. I think Ke$ha just described Philip Seymour Hoffman. Sigh… I would pick PSH over a moobed Gerard Butler, you know.

Kesha loves fat men. The Blah Blah Blah singer – who is currently single – admits she has a less-than-traditional taste in men and can’t stand the thought of dating someone too well-groomed.

She said: “My ideal man would be funny and fat with a beard. I love fat men. I like real men. I don’t like really feminine men who tan. I don’t understand that. I like a funny man, though. Russell Brand’s not quite my type, but if he had a fat, bearded friend, that would be perfect.”

The outspoken 23-year-old star also admitted her biggest turn off would be to date someone who spends longer in the bathroom than she does.

She told heat magazine: “I could not bear to go out with a guy who takes longer than me to get ready. I don’t want someone who’s going to steal my moisturizer.”

Though she has a lengthy list of specifications for a partner, Kesha insists she isn’t ready to settle down just yet.

She said: “I’m far from lonely. Far, far from it. But I don’t want to settle down yet. Gross!”

[From This Is London]

I have to admit, I don’t have a problem with chubby guys either, as long as they own it. Like, a dude has a gut from beer and loving food and he’s cool with that, I’m fine with it too. I hate self-loathing chubby guys though. A dude who is obsessed with his weight is worse than a woman obsessed with her weight, in my opinion. But more often than not, I end up with the whippet-thin dudes with crazy metabolisms who can eat like a horse and never gain any weight, and I feel like the chubby one. Hm… I really do love skinny, gangly dudes, though. F-ck, I just love men, of all shapes and sizes. I’m not chubby-specific like Kesha.

This is Ke$ha for the new issue of Paper Magazine. She looks drunk, per usual. Has anyone else noticed that she usually looks dirty too? I’m not a freckle-hater or anything, but is that it? Are Kesha’s freckles giving her that Lohan-esque unclean look? Anyway, I can’t find any excerpts from Kesha’s Paper interview but I did find some bits and pieces of press Kesha has been doing over the past week. This girl… I just don’t know. After I read the interview she did in Rolling Stone last month, I got to the point where I didn’t hate her anymore. True, she’s not awesome or anything, but she’s not a terrible person either. Eh. You decide from this array of quotes:

On her single ‘Your Love Is My Drug’: “It’s a song about how when you’re in love with someone, and you start acting like a total idiot psycho…You know, just like stalking. Chain calling. Calling from other numbers.” And when asked if she herself acts in that way, the 23-year-old ‘Tik Tok’ hit maker added: “Yeah… but not from my phone.”

Kesha on her young self: Ke$ha admits that she was a “math gee” and a “band nerd” at school.

On people who have wronged her: “You know what, sometimes I’ll walk my dogs and full bags of massive dog s**t. Then I’ll wrap them as Christmas presents and give them to people.”

She writes music to get back at people too: “The record is therapy. This b*tch stole my car, so I wrote a song about it called ‘Backstabber’. When I see thousands of people singing along to it I’m like, ‘Jeanie f**k you. You f**ked with the wrong b*tch.”

Kesha’s fashion sense: “If I’m in Los Angeles and I find a pile of clothes lying on the side of the street that someone plans to throw out, I’ll take it. I’m like a pirate on a treasure hunt. I think it’s way more creative. I love used clothes because they have a story to them.”

[From OMG Music & EarSucker]

Does the girl have rage issues? Not really. She strikes me as someone who is all talk, no action. These stories seem like an attempt to be cool or hardcore, when really she’s probably some totally normal girl who just spends her time getting wasted. Of course, I could be wrong. Maybe she is wrapping up dogsh-t and wearing clothes she finds on the street. Do you think she even washes those clothes? Ugh.

You might already remember Ke$ha’s newest single, “Your Love Is My Drug”. She performed it on Saturday Night Live several weeks ago, and I’m sure if you did see it, it was seared upon your fragile mind. The SNL performance featured fake tribal gear, lasers and tragedy. It was epic in its failure. So what’s the actual video like for a song that actually has the lyric “Like a lovesick crackhead”? You can imagine.

The video starts out in the desert, and I was prepared for just random animal imagery, as The Drunk Child seems to prefer. She’s writhing around with a tiger head on at one point, I think. There’s an elephant too, which is weird, because the desert looks like Arizona or Death Valley, not Kenya. Then there some weird budget cartoon sh-t happening. Like, some Hannah-Barbera sh-t.

Oh, and then The Drunk Child goes back to the glow-in-the-dark paint, the stuff she used for her SNL performance. Oh, a snake! I’ve got to wonder who wrote the treatment for this video. My guess? A lovesick crackhead.

Here’s the SNL performance, just in case you missed it:

Ke$ha is interviewed in the new issue of Rolling Stone, and I’m beginning to revise my opinion of her after reading it. Sure, I still think she’s a Drunk Child, and sure, I still think she needs to go back to school or whatever and stop trying to pretend like she’s the most innovative artist ever. But… she does have a story, and an interesting point of view. Eh. I’m not saying I like her, just that I don’t hate her near as much.

The biggest story coming out of this interview is probably about Ke$ha’s parentage. According to her, she has no idea who her dad is, and she never had a clue: “’My mom was involved in astrology and wanted me to be a Pisces, and she went through the necessary ways of having a child. And she didn’t want a man telling her what and what not to do. I always kind of wondered – my mom talked about guys named Pat the Rat, or this guy Bob, or John. She just wanted a baby. It’s an interesting topic of conversation to other people more so than it is to myself. I don’t obsess about it. Maybe I’m in denial. Maybe I need a therapist. But I had a very complete childhood. I don’t feel like I missed out on anything.” Well… that’s an interesting story, it really is. It makes me… like her a little. Damn it!

Here’s more from the interview. I’m just going to do her quotes, so this is like the Jefferson Bible of Kesha:

“I’ve kissed girls before. But my preference is a wiener.”

“I’ve had a few drinks in my life – I think the cat’s out of the bag on that one.”

“I need to go on a walk every day, like a dog.”

“I’m pretty sure in my past life I was a dude, because I talk like a dude and act like a dude… my mom always taught me to be tough.”

“I like to go to the jungle at least once a year, get away from human beings and not use my people voice, just my animal voice. I know it sounds crazy, but I like connecting with the Earth on a real level.”

“[My mom] is the original badass.”

“I met [Ringo] at the Grammys, and he congratulated me on my album! I threw up in my mouth a little bit. I said, ‘Congratulations on being a f-ckin’ Beatle!’”

“I got a call from this guy saying, ‘Hey I think I’m your birth father.’ I said, ‘Mom is this legit?’ and she said, ‘Maybe.’ You know how I knew [he and I] weren’t related? You know those video game chairs like the guy has in 40 Year Old Virgin? He so had one of those. I was like, ‘There is no way that half my DNA is made up of a guy who has a video-game chair and plays in it all the time. [I didn’t get the DNA test], I operate on instinct.”

“My last boyfriend smashed my heart into a million billion pieces. I’ve had no father figure and I had finally trusted a man. If I were to get involved with another guy, he’d have to be pretty much be the Second Coming.”

[From Rolling Stone, print edition]

She’s kind of interesting, isn’t she? Not in the way she thinks she is, of course. She thinks she’s a genius, and the most hardcore thing around. She’s neither, but I do applaud her for not being the little pretty princess-gumdrop-accessible pop star. She’s not Britney, she’s not Avril, she’s not Gaga, but she might not be a flash in the pain either.

Finally, I know everyone has been trying to erase her horrible, laser-filled, fake Native American Saturday Night Live performance out of their heads, but Kesha did address us, the haters in the cheap seats: “I was happy with the way it turned out. F-ck cynicism. F-ck the cynics. They can say whatever they want, because I’ll be the one in the corner with my laser gloves having a dance party.” Well, that’s actually a pretty healthy attitude to have, Kesha. Bless your lasers.

Header and last photos – Kesha on February 16 & 22, 2010 in London. Credit: WENN.

I was totally drunk when I watched the first half of Saturday Night Live last night (before passing out), and thus, I had kind of forgotten how horrible Ke$ha was. To be fair, K$ha was drunk too, and also to be fair, I only watched Ke$ha’s (hereafter referred to as The Drunk Child) first song, her performance of her big hit “Tik Tok”. Although some people are claiming this song was lip-synched, I don’t think it was. Just because The Drunk Child was awful. Like she can’t walk from one point to another without getting out of breath and you can hear it as she gasp/screeches. Here’s the first performance:

Terrible. What’s with the cape? Ugh, I had forgotten about the cape. The cape is not good. And the lasers! I think I had a nightmare about the lasers. Associated Content proclaimed: “Total Disaster”. And after The Drunk Child asked “Did anyone ever stop to think we were the aliens?” Associated Content replied, “Yes Ke$ha, you have us wondering if you are an alien.”

But that was before the second performance, where the Drunk Child performed “Your Love Is My Drug”. Now that I‘m watching it for the first time, I do think she lip synched this one. Does this song really have a lyric about a “lovesick crackhead”? Takes one to know one.

“Hey, it’s Saturday night. Do you want to make out?” Shiver, dry heave. Two points: the Drunk Child’s costume is offensive to Native Americans and Aboriginal people, AND the Drunk Child copies it from an Australian act! Offensive, and unoriginal? How quaint.

Many people are asking if the Drunk Child is trying to be the new Gaga… and while I don’t think Gaga is Drunkie’s only influence (because she steals from many people), I do think she’s trying to Gaga in her own “special” drunk way. Like a lovesick crackhead.

There’s a new, very long interview with singer Ke$ha in UK publication The Daily Record. Ke$ha has exactly one hit song, Tik Tok, and while it’s dominated the charts for a few weeks it’s not like she has more than one single out or much of a career to speak of. I barely knew who she was until a few weeks ago and now know her as the girl who shows up at events and awards shows looking like a hot, over accessorized mess.

In Ke$ha’s interview with The Record, she sounds like she’s just so full of herself and impressed with the hard knock life she was living before Tik Tok propelled her to the top. I had to google some interviews to see if this girl is as obnoxious as she comes off as in print and she kind of is. (She looked pretty drunk and maybe high in this interview on Lopez Tonight and in this interview she talks about how she’s hoping to have fans tattoo her face on their body.)

Anyway Ke$ha calls it “bullsh*t” that Britney lip syncs her performances and calls it unfair to the fans. She also goes on at length about how broke she was before she made it big and how she had to steal clothing and food to survive. How hardcore she was! I don’t suppose she could have stuck with one of those menial jobs she complained about in order to pay the bills. This whole interview sounds like stream of consciousness crap, and here are the highlights:

On stealing to make ends meet
But her success was far from overnight. As a child, she wrote songs with her mother and Ke$ha helped out Britney Spears, Flo Rida and Miley Cyrus with songwriting and vocal duties before making it in her own right.
She said: “I was homeless but I would sing on demos and get waitressing jobs and check IDs at a club until they discovered I was 17.

“I had odd jobs. I was a telemarketer for two days, which meant calling people, being hung up on a lot and being yelled at. I was trying to get them to refinance loans. I hated it. I had no idea what I was doing and lasted two days.

“I was trying to make some dollars to pay the rent. There were points when I was really broke.
“The low points would be stealing food and selling clothes to make money for food. But even then, I would get the subway in LA, which is disgusting and there were homeless people exposing themselves. I’d have to turn a blind eye.

“I always found humour in everything, which I think is an important quality.
“It’s better for your soul. It helped to make it easier. If you listen to my record, you can hear that I am saying, ‘We’re broke but who cares?’ It’s not like a starving artist wallowing in self pity. I’m broke but I’m still f***ing fantastic.”

At one stage, she broke into Prince’s home in the hope that he would listen to a demo of her songs. She also threw up in Paris Hilton’s toilet after partying too hard following her backing vocal duties on the socialite’s debut album Paris.

It was at her lowest ebb that Ke$ha turned to shoplifting food and selling her clothes to get by. She said: “I’m not saying everybody should go steal stuff but I did it out of necessity because I needed to eat.
“I’d go to the dollar store. It would have been a bit of a nightmare if I had been caught and arrested. There are so many times I’ve come close to being arrested.

On Britney lipsyncing
Ke$ha insists the new wave of hot, female singers are showing the traditionally male rock scene how it should be done.

She said: “The chicks are killing it right now. I think it is cool to be part of this strong women movement, with us taking over in what has been a male-dominated society for so long.

“I think it’s cool that people are accepting my music, which is really sassy, as well as the Beyonces and Lily Allens and Gagas of the world.”

There is one exception, however. She is unimpressed by Britney Spears’s miming on her world tour.
Ke$ha, who featured on Britney’s track Lace And Leather, whispered: “I think that’s bulls***.

“I don’t think that’s fair at all for people who are going to see the show. I think if you are going to be a singer, you should sing. If you are going to be a dancer, you should dance.

“If you are going to do a combination of the two, you should make it very clear when you are singing and very clear when you are dancing. I would never do that to my fans.

“No offence to her specifically but people have asked me before to mime. I have been up at three in the morning for a television show with jet lag but I refuse to mime.

“It’s treating people as if they are too stupid to realise you are not actually singing. Sometimes it is hard to sing and dance at the same time but I would rather be off and be real and genuine about it to my fans. I don’t want to treat my fans like they are stupid.

“That is my take on my fans and life in general. My whole record is super-honest. I am really honest. When I am singing I may sound s*** sometimes but at least you’ll know I’m singing.”

[From Daily Record]

There’s more, including Ke$ha bragging about how she got pulled over by a cop who wanted her phone number, talking about how she dropped out of high school to pursue music, and how she once lived with a man she assumed was her real dad, but turned out not to be. She’s an interesting person, but her personality just rubs me the wrong way. I’m kind of hoping she’s a flash in the pan and that she won’t be all over the place soon like Lady Gaga. Tik Tok is probably a one hit wonder.

Also, I’ve heard Tik Tok and it sounds like Ke$ha relies heavily on auto-tune and computers to make that little throwaway dance track. (Hat tip to a commentor on the Record for mentioning this.) Why then is she ragging on Britney for lip syncing?

Photo credit: WENN.com

Before everyone gets all “Kesha killed a zebra with her bare hands and wore the skin because she was drunk off her ass”, you should know that she’s dressed like a drunk zebra for a reason. She was performing at a “secret” My Space gig in London where, apparently, everyone had to dress up like animals. As for the drunk thing, well, she’s always drunk.

In case you were blinded by the zebra print, The Blemish pointed out that Kesha is carrying a staff, asking “Is she a shaman or a zebra or a shaman zebra? This makes no sense.” So, I get the zebra outfit (sort of), but the staff is really what bothers me. Oh, yeah, I’m also bothered by the fact that Kesha exists. But that’s another story.

Kesha’s actually been all over the news lately. Just because I usually roll my eyes at her drunk ass, doesn’t mean that she’s not the next big thing. And by “big thing” I mean “one hit wonder who will have a spectacular crash and burn.” Over the weekend, the New York Daily News reported that Kesha and Adam Lambert had some kind of makeout session. Lambert said in an interview: “She’s really pretty and we were laughing and we just started kissing. It was pretty innocent to be honest with you. I mean, it wasn’t too dirty.” Which probably means that he thought she was “squishy” and “too masculine” for his tastes. I jest!

Let‘s see, what else… Oh, she claimed that she doesn‘t care about all of the money she’s making, saying: “I can’t stand pretentious people. I think growing up without money has taught me not to take myself seriously. I’m the same person I was when I was selling clothes to buy a taco for dinner, I just have a few extra bucks. I bought a 1998 Honda car, which I needed. I don’t believe in wasting money when there are people in the world who can’t eat. If I earn a lot of money, I’ll treat myself, but I’m not going to be ridiculous. I think it’s kind of gross. I don’t like spending money on stuff. I may buy some instruments though.” That’s our drunk zebra!

Kesha in London on February 23, 2010. Credit: INFphoto.com