These are some new photos of Lindsay Lohan leaving Ken Paves’ salon last night, where she was getting her blonde “hair” worked on. We actually haven’t had new photos of Linnocent in a while, although she’s been photographed a few times in the past month. I think she’s trying to keep a lower profile for the moment. I actually have a theory that LL has gotten some “work” done on her face over the past month as a precursory to the media blitz for her Playboy cover shoot. Once the issue of Playboy comes out, I suspect we’ll be seeing more “candid” photos of LL and her new face. I can see in these photos that she’s still maintaining her comically oversized crack lips, and that her nose looks “refreshed”.

By the way, LL usually doesn’t go to Ken Paves – he’s not her regular hair guy. I guess since she had all of that Playboy money burning a hole in her pocket, she decided to splurge on a new crack weave. Paves is best known for his friendship and professional association with Jessica Simpson, but Jessica and Ken had a falling out last year, and since then, Ken has been in the market for a new muse. He might have found one with Eva Longoria, but I’m sure he’d like another blonde too.

Also – that British report that LL was “close to signing” a deal with the UK’s Celebrity Big Brother show was false, just as I assumed. LL’s rep told E! News, “Lindsay is not doing Big Brother.” I’m telling you, even if the court let her leave the country, LL is a clever enough crackhead to know that she shouldn’t be filmed 24-7.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

From what I understand of British television, the show Celebrity Big Brother is a favorite piece of inelegant trash. Various C and D-list celebrities live together in the same house for a few weeks, and are filmed constantly, 24-7. Then the celebrities are voted off by… the public, I think? Tara Reid did the last season of Celebrity Big Brother, and she was one of the first voted off. That should tell you everything you need to know.

So, the rumor going around the British press today is that Lindsay Lohan may be joining the newest Celebrity Big Brother cast. Producers claim she’s “close to signing on” but…? What about her probation? What about the judge’s order that she shouldn’t leave the country? Is this the kind of “work” that the judge will allow?

Hollywood bad girl Lindsay Lohan is being lined up for a fate worse than jail… Celebrity Big Brother. The wild-child actress is ­considering a megabucks deal to appear on the Channel 5 reality show – if US courts allow her to leave the ­country.

Lindsay, 25, sees further incarceration, this time in a house with a bunch of celebs, as the perfect way to relaunch her career after FIVE stints in prison. Producers have flown to LA to meet the Mean Girls star. And they’ve already started shooting background footage of her in preparation for the next show in January. But TV bosses are worried the deal could fall through because Lindsay still has a sentence to complete after her last brush with the law.

The former child model spent four-and-a-half hours behind bars last month for violating a probation order imposed in 2007 after she was jailed for two counts of drink- driving. But she also has more than a month of community service to complete, which involves cleaning a Californian morgue.

Celebrity Big Brother executives hope to persuade the courts to let the troubled star come to Britain, arguing that the show will help her get her life back on track.

A TV insider said: “Lindsay would be an absolutely amazing signing for us. She’s a Hollywood A-lister and everyone knows about all the trouble she’s been in. She’s a fiery character too, so there are sure to be a some major clashes with other celebs if we get her in the house.”

The insider said Channel 5 chiefs were doing “everything possible” to make it happen.

“We want this to be the best Big Brother ever,” said our source. “So we hope that the courts will make a special allowance in this case. There aren’t many more controlled ­ environments than the Big Brother house.”

[From The Mirror]

I’m going to go out on a crack limb here are say that even if the probation department, the judge and the entire state of California thought it was a good idea for LL to participate in this, she still wouldn’t. I will barely give LL credit for anything, but I think even The Cracken knows that this would be an unmitigated disaster, and that she should never EVER be filmed 24-7. Where could she do drugs? Where could she snort vodka? How would she get away with her crack lies and delusions when there was video evidence of what really happened? Well, the money would have to be really, really good for LL to even consider it.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

These are some photos of Courtney Love in Dublin last month, where she gave a talk at Trinity College’s Philosophical Society and was awarded an Honorary Patronage. While I’m not sure why Courtney was awarded a Patronage, I assume that it has something to do with liquor? Nothing against the Irish, but they do love their alcohol:

And so the cycle continues. It’s things like this Honorary Patronage that allow Courtney to maintain many of her worldly illusions, including her belief that she’ll one day marry a titled nobleman and become Lady Love. In further delusionary news, Courtney has declared to Details magazine that she’s functioning as sobriety coach for Lindsay Lohan. This isn’t the first (or even the second) time that Courtney has taken it upon herself to declare herself a sobriety coach for an infinitely troubled celebrity trainwreck. She claimed to do so for Kelly Osbourne and Paris Hilton (as detailed below) and also purported to help Pete Doherty kick drugs too so that he could win Kate Moss back (and we all know how well that worked out). Why? Because Courtney sees herself as the “go-to-girl for the publicly humiliated.” That’s right, Courtney Love — advocate for the beleaguered, downtrodden, and drugged-up masses:

Courtney Love has claimed she is Lindsay Lohan’s sobriety coach.

Courtney has battled a high-profile addiction to drugs throughout her life. She is now clean and has decided to use her knowledge to help other people.

Lindsay’s life has been troubled lately, characterised by trips to rehab and prison sentences. She is now trying to get her life back on track and Courtney has decided to help her.

“I’ve taken up Lohan because nobody else will. She’s further down the line than I was, because there was no [gossip website] TMZ then,” she told Details magazine.

Courtney didn’t reveal any more details of her relationship with Lindsay, and the younger star has not yet commented on the report.

It’s not the first time Courtney has claimed she is helping Lindsay.

Earlier this year, the 47-year-old singer gave an interview in which she alleged she’d helped a number of young stars through addiction and legal problems. She insisted Lindsay once called her for advice after she was arrested, and even claimed she’d helped Kelly Osbourne after an alleged overdose.

“It wasn’t that long ago when Kim Stewart was screaming, ‘Courtney, what are we going to do? Kelly Osbourne is blue on the floor!’ Kelly wasn’t doing that well back then. For some reason, Kim Stewart also called me when Paris Hilton got pulled over for her last DUI. And Lindsay Lohan called me after she was arrested. The judge presiding over her case was the same judge who presided over mine. He was a very sweet man. I think he was an ex-alcoholic himself. I told Lindsay to just get it together and trust the judge, and Lindsay’s father called me for advice every day. I’m not even that friendly with these girls. What am I, a junkie Auntie Mame?”

[From Independent.ie]

As hilarious as the prospect of Lindsay seeking guidance from an equally cracked-out, washed-up mess sounds, I honestly doubt the veracity of this story. I mean, Courtney probably believes that it is true, but whatever. Courtney namedrops everyone. She’s worse than Gwyneth at the practice. In fact, Courtney is the only person who namedrops Gwyneth and not the other way around. To hear it Courtney’s way, every user of illegal drugs probably has her number on speed dial. Never mind that neither Kelly, Pete, nor Paris has ever acknowledged Courtney as their Patron Saint of Sobriety.

Seriously though, Courtney is a wreck in all areas of her life and has no business “coaching” anyone at anything. Even when she is allegedly sober, she comes off as being on some really good sh-t. In other words, the notion that Courtney being a sobriety coach for virtual hire would probably arrive as news even to Lindsay Lohan:

Photos courtesy of Fame and WENN

We’ve avoided writing about Lindsay Lohan for more than two weeks. Have you noticed? Did you care? At first it wasn’t a conscious choice, there just weren’t any good new stories or photos of her. And then it became a thing – I made the choice to not write about her. My rationale to CB was “Let’s wait until she screws up again, because it’s inevitable. This is the calm before the crack storm.” Well, I’m happy to say that I’m breaking my Linnocent Embargo, but not for a bad story about her. According to TMZ, LL is actually doing really well with her community service work. Of course, this is only the first month – (crack)baby steps.

Maybe structure is exactly what Lindsay Lohan needed — because TMZ has learned she’s not only on pace to complete her court-ordered stints at the morgue … she’s WAY ahead of schedule.

Law enforcement sources tell us … Lohan has already completed 10 of her 12 required morgue duty shifts — impressive considering she still has another THREE WEEKS to spare.

In fact, we’re told Lindsay doesn’t just plan to knock out the remaining two shifts by the Dec. 14 deadline — but she also wants to get a head start on the hours she has to complete by her 2nd status hearing.

Law enforcement tell us … Lindsay has a pretty damn good reputation at the morgue — polite, hard-working and never complains about the work.

Judge Sautner had said her sentence essentially put the keys to Lindsay’s freedom in her own hands — and at this point, it looks like she’s making the most of her opportunity to stay out of the clink.

[From TMZ]

My new prediction is that LL will be able to do her morgue work for this month, perhaps even next, but that the structured time will not be her friend in the long run. After all, in about a month LL is going to want to go somewhere for New Year’s, right? Maybe Ibiza, maybe St. Bart’s, maybe France. And she’s going to have to get back to “work” – meaning hustling and ho’ing. She is an “actress” and an international call girl, after all. And that’s going to take a big chunk of time to get those careers back on track. But for now, I’m happy that she’s actually putting in some work.

Oh, but if you want a rough LL story, last week, The Enquirer had this:

EEEEKKKKK! Doing her community service at LA’s county morgue, LINDSAY LOHAN emptied a trash bin – and suddenly screamed bloody murder when a bloody, severed human hand bounced out and hit the floor at her feet!

“Lindsay went totally hysterical and bolted from the room shrieking,” said My Morgue Insider. “She was making so much noise she never heard the pranksters who’d played their elaborate practical joke howling with laughter!”…Say whaaat?…

That’s right, folks, co-workers got so disgusted with LiLo’s lazy ways and hoity-toity manner they decided: Let’s scare her to death!

“Lindsay has a real attitude – always acting like she’s better than anyone else and spending much of her time taking cigarette breaks,” confided a volunteer who’s worked with her.

“She speaks to no one unless she has to, and mopes through the work she’s assigned, like mopping floors, cleaning bathrooms and washing dirty sheets.”

Fed-up workers bought the rubber hand, stashed it in a trash bin where Lindsay would be working, waited outside the room – then exploded with laughter when Lindsay exited screaming. Said the source: “When one of the volunteer organizers told Lindsay that someone had planted the phony hand as a joke, she was furious and ranted, ‘I can’t believe anyone would think this was funny! It’s really morbid – and so is everyone here!’”

WARNING TO LILO: Morbid morgue sources say they’re dying to hear you scream again – so watch your back!

[From The Enquirer]

Is it wrong that I believe this story much more than TMZ’s? I can totally see LL being a snooty bitch at the morgue. Or anywhere, actually. MOVE THAT CORPSE, I’M LINDSAY LOHAN.

A few more things – when will be seeing some of LL’s Playboy pictorial? My guess is within the next few weeks. I’m sure it will be a freckled cracktastrophe that will have Marilyn Monroe rolling over in her grave. Also – LL got a haircut or something. Her busted extensions might have gotten taken out? There’s video:

Photos courtesy of WENN.

This time last week, we were hearing about Linnocent and how she crashed her way into the post-premiere party for J. Edgar. According to Page Six’s report, Linnocent name-dropped everyone she ever thought of smoking crack with to get in the door, and once inside the party, she began acting “aggressive and random” and tried to get an audience with either Clint Eastwood or Leonardo DiCaprio. This week, The Enquirer has even more details about Linnocent’s party-crashing, and some new information on just how delusional The Cracken really is: she still believes she’s going to win an Oscar someday. Dumb Cracken.

An insider tells The Enquirer that Lindsay Lohan still believes she’s destined to win an Oscar: “Lindsay is clearly living on a different planet. Her life is in tatters and no one in Hollywood will even take her calls. But she still sees herself as a player, and she’s telling friends that her career is going better than ever. She’s even talking about finding a role that will make her dream of winning an Oscar come true!”

In a bid to pursue that dream, LL crashed the Nov. party for J. Edgar. “Lindsay tried to march up to Leo DiCaprio and Clint Eastwood to discuss collaborating with them on a future project,” the insider divulged. “Their team held Lindsay at bay, but everyone at the party was horrified at her behavior. At this point, the best gig she can get is a nude pictorial for Playboy – and she almost blew that!”

Hugh Hefner ordered Lindsay to do a reshoot for the pictorial after seeing her first photo shoot. “It’s a bad sign for your career when you can’t even do a nude layout right,” sniped the insider.

“But even with her numerous legal problems, her dwindling finances and her family issues, Lindsay is still telling friends that her best career days are ahead of her,” said the insider. “She just isn’t living in reality.”

[From The Enquirer, print edition]

Is it sad or funny? I choose to think it’s funny, just because I can’t find any sympathy or pity for Linnocent at this point – I save my sympathy for her past and future victims, and for Ali Lohan. The Cracken is a dumbass, she’s violent, she’s aggressive and she’s willfully delusional. Sure, her parents had something to do with it – but she’s an adult now, and has been for years. We’re past the point where she’s just a mixed up young woman who just needs to get on the right track. This is who she is – an arrogant crackhead who forces her way into parties and tries to cozy up to Clint Eastwood, for God’s sake.

Oh, and Linnocent’s lawsuit against Pitbull took a turn for the worse this week – Pitbull’s lawyers filed paperwork slamming Linnocent as a resident of California, which I guess means that her lawsuit – filed in New York – has no standing and needs to go federal. Linnocent messing with the feds? Ruh-roh!

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Time for our daily Linnocent post. And I’m trying not to gloat, because it’s unattractive in a woman my age to be all “I was right, SUCK IT.” Plus, I was right about the most obvious thing in the world. When I first heard that Linnocent was posing for Playboy, one of my first thoughts was, “Oh, I bet she’s totally doing a Marilyn Monroe theme for her photo shoot.” Yep. I was right. Hugh Hefner confirmed to The Insider:

Earlier this month, Dina Lohan confirmed to The Insider that her daughter Lindsay will be featured in an upcoming issue of Playboy. Now, The Insider’s Brooke Anderson is the first to get Hugh Hefner to spill even more salacious details on the highly anticipated spread.

First things first — Hefner confirmed that Lindsay did go fully nude for the photo shoot, which he called “classy.”

“It’s a classic tribute inspired by the original Tom Kelly nude pictorial of Marilyn Monroe, a portion of which was the original playmate which was in the original issue of Playboy. Oh yes. And classy, very classy.” Hefner said.

Lindsay’s Playboy spread will appear in the January/February 2012 issue.

[From The Insider]

Page Six had further details of the Playboy shoot, and why there needed to be two shoots after Hef hated the first one. According to a source, “He felt the initial shots looked too much like a Kate Moss-inspired fashion story — Lindsay’s choice — where he wanted more of a classic Hollywood Marilyn Monroe feel.” So for the second photo shoot, Linnocent brough along “lawyers, agents and publicists” who, according to a source, “gave their two cents about what was considered ‘nude’ and what was not.” The Cracken will definitely be naked in the photos, but in some she‘ll be “strategically covered up.” Radar’s source says that “The pictures Lindsay took last week are much better than the first set.” So… from (Even More) Crackie Kate Moss to Crackie Marilyn. This is going to be terrible.

Meanwhile, Crackie Von Cracks-A-Lot’s delusional, insane rep went to Radar to pay more lip service to Linnocent’s commitment to her community service. According to Steve Honig, “Lindsay is highly motivated to fulfill her community service obligations so she can put all of this behind her and continue to move forward with her career.”

Last story: Fox News has an interesting story about how Linnocent’s four-year-long crackie legal catastrophe is a huge waste of time and money, and taxpayers should be furious:

Lindsay Lohan flitted in and out of her 30-day jail sentence in a mere four hours early Monday morning. The 25-year-old actress was booked into the Century Regional Detention facility in Lynwood at 8:50 p.m. on Sunday evening, and was home in Venice Beach by 2 am. Lohan was released due to jail overcrowding.

Given her years-long saga in the California court system that led to her hours-long incarceration, Lohan could have cost taxpayers over $250,000 per hour of the jail time she just served, experts say.

“This should cause an outrage,” criminal defense attorney Joey Jackson told Fox411.com. “Why should Lindsay Lohan’s hand be held? Why should she be given umpteenth chances and everyone else the book gets thrown at them? It doesn’t seem to be fair.”

Lohan was sentenced to report to jail for her 30-day sentence after failing to complete a court mandated community service that had been ordered for drunken driving and theft charges. The judge gave Lohan the option of taking community service at the county morgue and mandated psychotherapy, or risk serving an additional 270 days in jail.

Not only that, the judge gave Lohan a week to report to jail so she could complete a nude photo shoot for Playboy magazine. Had she been unable to complete the shoot, she could have been held in breach of contract by the men’s magazine, which reportedly paid her almost a million dollars for the spread.

Jackson tells Fox411 that if Lohan were not a celebrity, she absolutely would have been booked for the full 300 days without lenience this time around.

“The real issue is the normal Joe Schmo who doesn’t have her clout, her money, and her fame which gets a judge to cheer for her,” Jackson said. “For a normal person a judge would say, ‘You’re going to jail for a year.’”

And while Lohan can afford to pay her attorneys to keep her out of jail, her consistent bad behavior is costing California taxpayers hundreds of thousands – and possibly millions — of dollars, all while gumming up the state’s overloaded justice system. Since Lindsay Lohan’s legal troubles began with a drunk driving arrest in 2007 she has made more than 20 court appearances stemming from additional arrests, violating probation, failing drug and alcohol screenings, and failing to follow court orders.

“From logistics to the transcript reporters to the clerks, it is exorbitantly expensive to have a court appearance. It is important we understand what a waste of time this is,” former federal prosecutor Michael Wildes of Wildes & Weinberg told Fox411.com. “It costs tens of thousands of dollars per court appearance for all the clerks, the security, and those court reporters who get paid by the page, not to mention all the collateral support for something like this. Plus it diverts the administration of justice for other matters.”

“It has likely cost taxpayers millions of dollars,” attorney Vikki Ziegler contends. “This has been a four year ordeal that taxpayers in California must foot. That includes salaries for judges, prosecutors, court officers, court reporters, clerks, [and] other law enforcement professionals, who must all be paid, to have touched the Lohan case directly or indirectly in one shape or another.”

[From Fox News]

Linnocent: Because Crack Is Worth It! Do you think that if you really add it up, she’s costing taxpayers millions? I think it’s more like “hundreds of thousands” – which, incidentally, what I hope Shawn Holley’s legal fees cost too. But yeah… Linnocent is a huge sucking void of money, time and crack shenanigans. We know this already.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Crackie wins again! Seconds after Judge Sautner handed down Linnocent’s mandatory 30-day jail sentence, outlets got quotes from inside the LA County Sheriff’s Department regarding the actual length of time Linnocent will actually have to spend behind the bars. The sources did not give us a lot of faith in the system – because of overcrowding and budgetary issues, non-violent offenders are released from jail in a matter of hours, not days. And so it was with Linnocent this morning. Apparently, she checked into jail last night around 9 pm (and I’m using “checking in” like it’s a hotel for a reason), and she was released very early this morning. So, she had to stay the night. Barely.

Once again, Lindsay Lohan has the last laugh.

The actress was released early from an overcrowded jail Monday morning after serving just over four hours starting at 9 Sunday night, the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department confirms.

“All I can tell you is that she was already released,” L.A. Sheriff’s Deputy Tony Moore told PEOPLE early Monday morning.

A sheriff’s spokesman previously explained that Lohan could be sprung early due to a federal mandate to ease the overpopulated jail. Nonviolent offenders are routinely sent home early after serving only a fraction of their sentences.

Lohan, 25, had checked herself into the Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood, Calif., after she was sentenced to 30 days in jail last week after admitting she violated probation in her DUI and necklace-theft cases.

She must now walk an extremely thin tightrope, working an additional 53 days of janitorial duty at the L.A. morgue and attending 18 more psychotherapy sessions, all by the end of March.

If she slips up, she could face an additional 270-day jail sentence, although she could be released early for overcrowding in that scenario as well.

[From People]

TMZ says that she got out at 1:30 am, meaning overall, she probably only sat in a jail cell for four hours. THE WORST FOUR HOURS EVER. Ugh. But seriously, I have to ask the question again: how dumb is this crackhead? It’s a much better bet to take whatever harsh jail sentence the judge hands down, rather than the community service and extension of the probation. What’s going to happen? The judge will sentence her to 300 days, of which Linnocent might spend a few full days behind bars, tops. And then she would have been done, and this whole cracked-out mess would be over. The Cracken is dumb as a box of synthetic hair.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Another sad, pathetic cracktastrosphe in the sad, pathetic life of Lindsay Lohan. You know how Judge Sautner gave LL a week’s leniency to finish up her “work”? Well, Linnocent considers crashing Hollywood parties “work” – now we know. In Friday’s Hilary Swank post, I noted that all of the photos were from the AFI Fest premiere of J. Edgar in LA the previous night. It seems that after the premiere, there was a little party for the cast and Clint Eastwood-supporters and friends. And Linnocent thought she was invited, of course. Cracken chaos ensued:

Troubled starlet Lindsay Lohan crashed the party for Leonardo DiCaprio’s movie “J. Edgar” and made such a scene she made A-list attendees “uncomfortable.”

Lohan, fresh from her Playboy shoot and about to go to jail for probation violations, insisted she was an invited guest to the party for the Clint Eastwood-directed biopic about legendary FBI director Hoover, and talked her way past security at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel on Thursday night.

A source at the bash told us, “Lindsay was arguing with the security to let her in, dropping every celebrity’s name to get in. She could be heard saying, ‘I have to go and see Leo.’ Eventually they let her in, but she made everybody uncomfortable. She was aggressive and random, storming around. She tried to get to Leo, but he was surrounded by his security and a posse of his friends. Clint and Leo and Dustin Lance Black were talking, and Lindsay sent one of her aides over, demanding to get a photo with them, but security shooed them away.”

Another spy at the party, attended by Ron Howard, Harvey Weinstein, Brett Ratner and actress/producer Christie Cashman, said Lohan kept asking to meet Oscar-winning producer Brian Grazer, who’d already left.

The movie, generating considerable Oscar buzz for DiCaprio, opened the AFI Fest at Grauman’s Chinese Theater. It wasn’t clear how Lohan managed to get past AFI security, which sealed off the whole block and would only allow their official limos in.

Lohan has to turn herself in to jail by Wednesday to serve a 30-day sentence. But this didn’t stop her from turning up at the Hollywood Roosevelt with her hair and makeup still done up from her earlier Playboy shoot.

Lohan’s rep said, “She did not crash, she was invited by a guest who attended the event. I am not aware of her asking for photos with Leo or Clint. She was never asked to leave.” Reps for DiCaprio and Grazer declined to comment.

[From Page Six]

“I WANT TO MEET RON HOWARD. BRING ME MARTY SCORSESE! I NEED TO TELL CLINT EASTWOOD TO TAKE A MEETING WITH ME! IS THAT SPIELBERG ON THE PHONE?!?” - Things Overheard When Linnocent Is Doing Blow And Talking To Ali In Her Crack Den.

What’s the over-under on Linnocent actually being invited to that kind of party? If you told me that one of those Hollywood power players hired her as an end-of-the-night hooker AFTER he left the party, I would believe that. But she’s not getting invited to these parties with these kinds of people. Dlisted has a photo of Linnocent Thursday night too – she got her hair did and her crack lips painted for the occasion and everything. Pathetic.

But! You know that back in 2009, there were rumors about Leonardo and Linnocent, right? True story - she might have given him a lap dance, and they might have hooked up, before she was a full-blown cracktastrophe. Would Leo still hit that? No, he wouldn’t. Even if he was in the mood for something less than a supermodel, I doubt he would sink as far as The Cracken.

Meanwhile, Crack Mother of the Year Dina Lohan gave an interview about LL’s Playboy shoot. Dina said, “It was an opportunity for her. She’s 25 years old now, so it was her ultimate decision. It will be tastefully done. I’ve seen [the photos]. She’s really great in front of the camera.” She’s 25 years old now? WHAT?!? I thought “25” was still considered “crack baby” in Dina Lohan’s mind? Isn’t that what she’s always saying – that LL is just a CHILD and we must treat her as such? Dina also talked about Linnocent’s legal troubles, saying: “It’s been four years of torture, we just want this over. She witnessed a lot of things that were traumatizing [at the morgue]… But certainly we’re at a fortunate place.” Seriously? Just wait until LL screws up again.

Here are some pics of LL last night in Venice Beach. She smokes Parliaments?

Photos courtesy of WENN.

As soon as Playboy gave Linnocent $50 and a pack of cigs, the Cracken dropped trou and started shooting ping-pong balls out of her scorched-earth biscuit. “Y’all got a camera? I’m giving you my best angle,” she said. Yes, the very second that Playboy shelled out the money, Linnocent was already posing nude. But there’s a problem! RESHOOTS. When I mentioned earlier today that LL was given a week’s leniency to turn herself into jail, I thought that the “work” the Cracken had to do for Playboy was just “additional” photo shoots. Nope. As it turns out, the mangy crack head’s first photo shoot was a Tran wreck, and Hugh Hefner demanded new photos. Oh, Crackie. How bad were those photos?!?

Lindsay Lohan was given a week to check into jail to continue her nude shoot for Playboy magazine, but RadarOnline.com has learned that her first set of photos weren’t up to the standards of the venerated men’s magazine.

“Lindsay was told that the Playboy executives wanted to go another direction with her shoot so they asked her to come back for a second time,” a source exclusively told RadarOnline.com.

“The first pictures of Lindsay weren’t exactly what they wanted so they have a new theme that they want to shoot,” the source said.

RadarOnline.com has learned that the new shoot will take place starting on Thursday, and the current plans are for Lindsay to be on the January cover of Hugh Hefner’s famous Playboy magazine.

“There is never a guarantee that everyone will like the photos or that they will be of high enough quality to use for the cover but Playboy wanted to make sure that Lindsay’s pictures were exactly what they wanted,” the source said.

[From Radar]

“The first pictures of Lindsay weren’t exactly what they wanted so they have a new theme that they want to shoot… how do I put this nicely? She’s covered in scabs, bruises and cigarette ash. She was hammered and high, and you can’t even see her pupils. She looked like one, giant, cancerous freckle. So we‘re trying again with a cracked-out Marilyn theme, maybe this won‘t be so frightening.”

Meanwhile, a “source” has gone to E! News to claim once again that the Cracken won’t be showing anything important (biscuit-related) in the shoot, but that the new photo shoot is going down today. Hef has apparently not decided on a theme thus far, but he did get LL a new photographer. We’ll be seeing the crack catastrophe in the January issue. Sigh…

Oh, and remember how Crackie was getting some-odd $400-500,000 for her modeling stint with Philipp Plein? Well, because of the most recent crackie court catastrophe, that contract could be “in jeopardy” according to Fox News. It’s because the judge said Linnocent can’t leave the country while she’s doing this latest round of probation. But Linnocent is still trying to find a way to crack hustle her way to Europe for some reason:

“Lindsay has contributed a great deal to Philipp brand and we can only hope that something can be worked out so that Lindsay will be able to make a couple of appearances that have already been planned in Europe,” Nathan Folks of Twisted Game, who facilitated the deal with business partner Cassandra Gava, told FOX411’s Pop Tarts column.

According to an inside source, however, Lohan was contracted to make an appearance in Dusseldorf, Germany as early as November 15 – which now looks to be in serious jeopardy.

“I don’t know how this is all going to play out,” said the source. “But if she doesn’t make the designated appearances, she is going to lose a whole bunch of money.”

Following her last court appearance, and faced with the high possibility she would be thrown back behind bars, Plein told us that he was continuing to stand by his model, and that it was her “unconventional, unpredictable” nature that got her the gig in the first place.

“Lohan’s image is consistent with many of the Philipp Plein brand values, that include unconventionality and controversy, with a rock and roll spirit. These elements, combined with Lohan’s talent, beauty and high visibility made her an ideal choice as the face of this young upcoming luxury brand,” he said.

[From Fox News]

Well, that’s good that Plein is all “I hired her exactly because she’s a crack monster.” At least we’re not hearing crap about “Oh, the Cracken does nothing for our precious brand, she must be fired!” If she’s getting fired for anything, it’s because she’s not taking her Traveling Beej Tour to Europe for a while.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Yesterday, just SECONDS after the judge muttered something about Linnocent having to spend 30 days in jail FOR SERIOUS, TMZ got a hold of their Sheriff’s Department source who mentioned in passing that because of overcrowding, Linnocent would probably end up only doing 5 or 6 days of that 30-day sentence. It sucked. But you know what sucks even harder? The news that even 6 days in jail is a total pipe dream. Later on Wednesday, TMZ’s sources told them that Linnocent would probably only be held for a matter of MINUTES. Ugh.

Lindsay Lohan will almost certainly get out of jail in a matter of minutes … this according to officials from the L.A. County Sheriff’s Department.

Two Sheriff’s Dept. officials tell us … if someone receives a misdemeanor sentence of 90 days or less, they are routinely processed in and then released. As one of the officials put it, “She’ll be out without even having to change her clothes.”

Judge Stephanie Sautner sentenced Lindsay to serve 30 days in the pokey, adding that the only way to shave time off the sentence is if it’s required by law. A Sheriff’s official told us earlier this week … misdemeanor inmates only serve 20% of the actual sentence because of overcrowding. But the 2 officials we spoke with today say … because of overcrowding they immediately release inmates sentenced to less than 90 days.

As for what the judge said — that the sentence can only be reduced if required by law — the officials say there’s a federal court order on overcrowding that “trumps everything,” and that order has been interpreted to immediately release people with short jail sentences.

Sheriff’s spokesperson Steve Whitmore just confirmed with TMZ … Lindsay will get in and out of jail pronto, adding the only reason there might be any sort of delay — possibly overnight — is if there are lots of other inmates who are being processed out at the same time.

[From TMZ]

Soon after TMZ reported that, the Sheriff’s Dept. spokesperson Steve Whitmore went on the record with TMZ and said that LL would probably end up spending ONE NIGHT in jail, but that we shouldn’t think that she’s getting special treatment. Honestly, she’s not getting special treatment. This is how California treats most “non-violent” offenders. Anyway, Whitmore said that depending on what day (and what time of day) Linnocent checks in, it could be a matter of hours or perhaps even overnight.

Oh, and why did Linnocent get a week’s leniency to turn herself in to jail? It’s because she still needs to take more frecky, fire-crotchy Playboy photos. Because one million dollars will buy you a lot of crack (for real). Apparently, that’s why the sentencing hearing started late – Shawn Holley was in the judge’s chambers, telling the judge that Linnocent needed to “work” this week.

As far as Linnocent’s perspective on this whole new crackie ordeal, TMZ’s sources (Mother Cracken) says that Linnocent believes Judge Sautner’s sentence is “very fair” and that the judge is “nice”. Also, Linnocent is promising that she’ll totally work super-hard to meet all of her requirements. Here’s an honest to God question, though: if Linnocent had just opted for the 300-day sentence, how long would she have had to spend in jail? It would probably just be a matter of days, maybe a week or two, right? So why didn’t she just go for that? Dumb crackie can’t think straight.

Last thing: regardless of the boobs which are sagging to her waist, you know what I think was going on in Linnocent’s mind yesterday? “I’m so Marilyn in this ensemble! Screw Michelle Williams, this is exactly how Marilyn would have looked if she was a crackhead being dragged into court for the millionth time.”

Photos courtesy of WENN & Fame.