Michael Lohan is one of the craziest bastards out there. Just yesterday, we heard about his recent arrest and arraignment for making threats to his girlfriend/fiancee. Today, Michael thinks it’s his place to chime in about daughter Lindsay’s life - specifically, how Lindsay “has another chance now” but if she gets back with Samantha Ronson “it is all going to go downhill.” Spoken like a man who needs physical and emotional control over the women in his life. Spoken like a man who’d just been arraigned for threatening to kill his girlfriend. Oh, but Michael has an explanation for that too - it was all one big misunderstanding. But his explanation is along the lines of, I was just trying to help her because someone else threatened her. Blech:

Lindsay Lohan’s father is happy that the star is back on track with her life, he tells E! News Wednesday. A few weeks after the 22-year-old actress landed a movie role, he says that she “has another chance now.”

Still, he warns that it could all come to an end if Lohan — who was cast in the indie-fantasy comedy The Other Side a few weeks ago — gets back together with ex-girlfriend Samantha Ronson.

“If Sam does come back in her life,” he says, “it is all going to go downhill.”

Things have been downhill for Michael as well.

He recently pleaded not guilty in a Long Island court to threatening to kill fiancée Erin Muller. Lohan, 49, is facing a misdemeanor charge of aggravated harassment for a March 18 altercation.

“He allegedly called Erin Muller on the telephone and stated … that he would kill her and himself if Erin Muller left him,” said a spokesman for the Suffolk County D.A. The charge, which was first reported by the New York Post, was blown out of proportion, he says.

“By no means did I threaten to cause harm to Erin or myself,” he says. “As a matter of fact, Erin even told the court that she didn’t want to pursue anything. It’s all going to be dropped… It’s an example of how people twist things.”

He adds that his fiancee actually called him in distress.

“A person she thought was her friend violated her in a way that I don’t want to describe,” he says. “When I found out the truth it didn’t sit well with me.”

Michael surrendered for arrest in April, but he remains free on his own recognizance pending a June 10 court date.

[From US Weekly]

Since their official split, Lindsay and Samantha have seen each other several times, and maybe even spent the night with each other. There was even a rumor Lindsay wanted to marry Samantha, but that was probably just something cooked up by a tabloid. With this sudden reemergence of Michael Lohan, I’m just reminded again of how screwed up Lindsay’s life was and is, and how Samantha might have been the most stable person Lindsay had ever gotten close to. I’m also reminded of how much I f-cking hate Michael Lohan, but I’ll save that for next time.

Lindsay Lohan is shown outside Samantha Ronson’s house yesterday. Photo agency Fame notes that she looked “upset and disheveled.”

Everyone remembers Michael Lohan, right? Known mostly for being some kind of preacher/parolee, a violent son of a b*tch, and Lindsay Lohan’s father. You’d think Michael would be on top of the world right now - his little girl Lindsay is no longer with Samantha Ronson (sort of), all is right with the world. But not so much for Michael. Page Six is reporting that Michael was arrested again in April for “a phone threat cops said he placed to off-again, on-again gal pal Erin Muller.” Michael allegedly threatened to kill his girlfriend and himself in the phone call, all because Erin had the nerve to try to dump him. What’s weird is that the phone threat may have worked - it seems Michael and Erin are back together, because when Page Six spotted Michael at his arraignment, and instead of strutting his violent self for the cameras, Michael and Erin hid in her car:

LINDSAY Lohan’s sleazebag dad, Michael Lohan, is in trouble again — this time for allegedly threatening to kill his fiancée and himself when she tried to dump him.

Michael was quietly arrested on April 6 for a phone threat cops said he placed to off-again, on-again gal pal Erin Muller, 34, on March 18.

Lohan, 48, flipped out yesterday when he walked into Central Islip court and spotted Post reporter Kieran Crowley and photographer Dennis Clark.

“Michael! Plan two!” shouted Lohan’s lawyer, Anthony Grandinette, as his client fled.

“Plan two” consisted of Lohan and Muller hiding in her car while Grandinette appeared on his behalf. Lohan faces up to a year behind bars.

He couldn’t have picked a better time for the alleged threat, because terms of his parole ended on Feb. 7. He’s due in family court in Westbury today, when he’ll have to explain why he’s behind in child support — by $12,000, sources told The Post.

[From Page Six]

Seriously, how was this guy out on parole? Hasn’t he been arrested and charged with like two dozen different crimes in his life? Whatever happened to all of those “three strikes” laws? I guess those are only for non-violent drug offenses, not stuff like beating up people, threatening to kill you girlfriend and owing thousands of dollars in back child support.

Michael Lohan and Erin Muller are shown on 7/3/08. Credit: Fame Pictures

While Lindsay Lohan has been pulling a play from her father’s “attention whore” playbook, running to the tabloids and whining about how everyone is against her, she’s a good person, blah blah blah, her ex girlfriend Sam Ronson is quietly trying to move on. After changing her locks, barring Lohan from a party and seeking support from family and friends, sources say that Sam finally got tired of Lindsay’s drama and high maintenance personality. Though the DJ still cares for Lohan, she finally realized that the bad aspects of being with her outweighed the good.

No more drama: That is Samantha Ronson’s philosophy, according to sources close to the celebrity deejay, who recently spilt from girlfriend Lindsay Lohan.

“Lindsay is extremely protective and jealous and needs an enormous amount of attention, and it’s stressful for the world to be watching them,” a source close to the Ronson family tells PEOPLE. In terms of the high-profile breakup, “[Samantha] takes it pretty good – she acts tougher than she is. She just wants the drama to end.”

Though Ronson’s family is hoping this latest split will be for good, the pair’s close social circle makes the separation that much more difficult, says the source. “Both Samantha and Lindsay could use a break and since there is so much crossover with their friends, it’s been hard. Their lives are so intertwined.”

Lohan’s Personality Sparks Concern
As for the Ronson family’s inquiries into obtaining a restraining order – which did not involve Samantha herself – the family source says they are worried about Lohan’s fiery personality. “They wanted to know what their options were if she does something crazy,” says the source. “Lindsay can be a loose cannon.”

Still, another source close to Ronson says that the deejay is protective of Lohan and doesn’t want to jump on “the anti-Lindsay bandwagon.”

“Sam broke up with Lindsay, but it doesn’t mean she hates her or wants to see her hurt any worse than she is,” says the source. “She is over Lindsay and over all the drama, but still, she refuses to trash-talk her. She just wants to walk away gracefully.”

As for Lohan, she has been spending time with family and friends. On Thursday night she was spotted at Chateau Marmont in Hollywood where she sipped on water and appeared in high spirits, smiling and laughing with a large group of pals.

[From People]

Meanwhile, Lindsay’s family in Long Island is speaking to the press, saying they are very worried about the starlet and would like to “reach out” to her.

“We’d all like to reach out to her,” Lohan’s paternal grandmother Marilyn says in an exclusive interview Wednesday afternoon from Long Island, N.Y. “We’re all here for her and we’d love to see her. Me, as a grandmother, I’d like to try and help her out, but she’s not here, she’s in L.A.”

Adds Marilyn: “I think she needs her family in her life, but they’re not. They should be. I haven’t seen her in over a year. I don’t know what happened. I’m heartbroken.”

The elder Lohan also blames the young Hollywood lifestyle of nightclubs and late-night partying. “What happened is that it was too much too fast. And she was on her own too early. She was too young,” she says. “And they get into that party scene. It’s very hard for them.”

So what’s Marilyn’s message for her granddaughter? “I love her, call me, I’m here for her, and anything I can do, please get in touch.”

And like any supportive relative, Marilyn still has high hopes for Lohan’s career: “She’s very talented. She always was. I know she’ll come back.”

As for splitting with Ronson, grandma approves: “I don’t think she should be with her.”

Lohan’s father Michael Lohan, 48, calls the split “a new beginning for her.”

“I’m concerned. It’s a hard time when a relationship ends. It’s never easy. I know she loved Samantha,” he says. “Lindsay is a strong girl. She has a huge heart.”

[From People]

I’m confused. Why would her grandmother say that her family isn’t with her? Aren’t Lindsay’s mom, Dina and her sister, Ali, also in L.A.? They were staying with her at the Chateau Marmont the night she was rejected from the party where Sam Ronson was working. But then again, even if her family is with her, that may not be much help. Dina was supposedly with Lindsay when she was drinking vodka straight from the bottle recently. Clearly, the words “parental supervision” are not in Dina’s vocabulary - this is a woman who was trying to get her 15 year old daughter admitted to a nightclub!

It seems like everyone is moaning about how Lindsay needs help, but no one is willing to actually do anything. Except for Sam, who is exhibiting a little “tough love” at the moment. It’s a shame that she is the only one willing to remove herself from this toxic situation. Everyone else enables Lindsay because they are either on her payroll or don’t want the famewhore train to stop. I don’t see this ending well at all - but at least, for now, Sam is taking steps to take care of herself.

Sam Ronson is pictured leaving a Beverly Hills medical office on April 2. Photo credits: Fame.

Lindsay Lohan’s life is on a downward spiral. Let’s recap: First she and Samantha Ronson were fighting constantly and getting incessant press about their relationship. Then they broke up, Lindsay was barred for a party where Sam was DJing, Sam changed the locks of her house and the Ronson family visited a police station to inquire about a restraining order. Then Lindsay somehow thought that it would be a good idea to get on the cover of Us Weekly to complain about her life and whine that “everyone has turned against her.” Michael Lohan assured the media that he would be clearing his busy schedule to help out his daughter - his estranged daughter who doesn’t want anything to do with him. And now, after all of this, Dina Lohan is said to be begging Lindsay’s friends to help her daughter.

According to an item in Thursday’s NY Post, Dina Lohan, who is more famous for boozing and partying with her daughter than for actually being a responsible parent, is now “begging Lindsay’s friends to go there and help her.”

Says the paper’s source, “All of Lindsay’s life, Dina never acted like a role model. She only ever wanted to be her friend. Lindsay keeps getting used, and she never stood a chance at happiness.”

Even those who are paid to watch out for her have abandoned ship, says the report. “Lindsay is on hiatus with her publicist because she’s not working or booking jobs,” says the paper’s insider. “She is completely unmanageable. It has never been possible to control her or advise her. Lindsay needs to get psychiatric help.”

[from OK!]

The part about this that scares me is that Dina thinks Lindsay’s friends (if there are any left) would be any help at all. The comment that she “never stood a chance at happiness” is actually quite insightful. Lindsay has constantly been told “yes” - from her bosses, from her minions, from her friends, and even from her family. No one has taught her the consequences of bad decisions. After the breakup, Sam reportedly was accusing Lindsay of abusing drugs. It sounds to me like Sam was the first person in Lindsay’s life willing to tell her when she had gone too far. Dina’s not going to be able to make anything happen, unless she’s able to convince Lindsay to get psychiatric help - which I doubt she will, unless she’s able to invent a reality show out of it.

Here’s Lindsay outside a hair salon with her sister, Ali, yesterday. Look at all that fake hair. Credit: WENN.com

Michael Lohan, being the ever-doting, loving, father that he is, is going to be there for Lindsay to help her cope with her breakup from girlfriend Samantha Ronson, which supposedly has left LiLo “devastated.” Michael, as you may remember, absolutely hated Ronson with the fire of a thousand suns. He often blogged about her, referring to the DJ as SaMANtha without fail. Epic level of maturity there, Mike. Something tells me even if Lindsay did agree to spend some time with her dad, he’d have a hard time not gloating and/or doing a happy dance. But that’s not stopping him from acting like a good dad for the cameras.

Lindz and Sam appear to be over — and Lohan’s dad Michael offered support for his heartbroken daughter, while taking a jab at her mom!

Despite Michael’s previous bickering with LiLo over Sam, Mr. Lohan tells “Extra” of their split, “Breakups are never pretty and they’re never easy. I’m here for Lindsay any time. I’ve cleared my schedule to go meet her in L.A.”

Michael went on to say that he hopes Lindsay’s mom, Dina, would be there for the actress. “I hope Dina takes good care of her in the meantime. At a time like this she needs someone standing by her side. It’s about time she had both parents with her, without Dina driving a wedge between us. It’s time for Lindsay to resurrect her life and career.”

[From Extra]

Because let’s not forget that what this is really about is Michael’s war against Dina. Just like everything else. That’s actually what the economic crisis is about. And the Octomom scandal. And the newspaper I use to line my cat’s litter box. Absolutely everything is about Michael and Dina Lohan.

I don’t think it’s any big sacrifice for Michael to clear his schedule. How busy can it be? Here’s a sample of a day from his planner.

7:30 a.m. - Rise and shine and praise the Lord!
8:15 a.m. – Eat All Bran for breakfast; feel superior to Dina’s corn flakes
11:10 a.m. – Call first tier media outlets to talk about Lindsay; feel holier-than-thou
1:05 p.m. – Call second tier media outlets when first reject me; eat a hogi
2:39 p.m. – Say holier-than-thou prayers; be glad God loves me best
4:47 p.m. – Launder see-through mesh shirt; check if I’m having a good nipple day
6:35 p.m. – Eat a burrito; blog angrily about Lindsay
9:47 p.m. – Say night time prayers; ask God why Lindsay doesn’t like me
10:03 p.m. – Fall asleep feeling pure as a lamb

So I think Michael can probably make room in his busy schedule. Problem is, Lindsay hasn’t spoken about him in months, and doesn’t seem to be interested in having any sort of a relationship with him. As big of a media wh*ore as Dina is, Michael is worse. Dina at least has a relationship with Lindsay, whereas Michael just bitches to the press about how Samantha Ronson turned Lindsay into some sort of heathen. Because she was so innocent before.

I think Lindsay needs to take a long vacation at some kind of sober living facility far, far away from her parents. While indulging in intensive therapy. And then start fresh.

Images of Michael Lohan and girlfriend Erin Muler at the International Beverly Hills Film Festival last Wednesday. Images thanks to WENN .

Michael Lohan wants to be the next Jamie Spears. Spears is widely credited with saving daughter Britney’s career – and possibly her life. And crazy former jail bird Michael Lohan thinks he’s the guy to do the same thing for his messed up, wasting away daughter Lindsay. He’s gone on one of his epic internet rants about all the things that are wrong with her life that he’s going to fix. You know, because he’s such a model of perfection himself.

Lindsay Lohan could end up even worse off than Britney Spears, the troubled actress’ father has said.

Former Wall Street trader Michael Lohan says the Mean Girls star is spiraling into a personal disaster even worse than that of the Toxic hitmaker - and is now pleading with his famous daughter to see sense before it is too late and split from her lesbian partner Samantha Ronson.

He says, “She’s [Ronson] using her and bringing her around the wrong places.

“No matter where they go in the world, where Samantha drags Lindsay to her little DJ events, there’s always a big blow-up. Ever since Lindsay left rehab where she really got her life back together, Samantha has come back into her life and in it all went wrong for her.

“Lindsay was very vulnerable and Samantha seized on that and manipulated her.”

Now Michael is hoping to follow Britney’s dad’s example and take control of his daughter’s affairs.

He adds, “Finally Britney’s father did take control and she got her life back together.

“But Britney didn’t have Samantha Ronson in her life. Lindsay is my daughter and I love her but I’m not there to be a friend, I’m here to be a parent.

“If Lindsay doesn’t like that or is angered by what I have to say, quite frankly I don’t care because.” [sic]

[From Showbiz Spy]

Okay a few points here. True, Britney didn’t have Samantha Ronson in her life. She had Sam Lutfi and Adnan Ghalib. No matter how evil Michael Lohan claims Samantha may be, Lutfi plus Ghalib still equals 20 Ronsons. There is just no comparison. Second, if Michael is trying to be Lindsay’s parent and not her friend, then he should be saying these things to her privately, not via the internet and various media outlets. I’m sorry, does Jamie Spears have a blog I don’t know about? Come on.

The difference between Lindsay and Britney is that Britney’s parents were able to pull it together and help her when push came to shove. There are definitely those who believe they’re in it for themselves, and I can understand the argument either way. But they are, if nothing else, two people of at least average intelligence who were able to save their daughter.

No way in hell could Dina and Michael ever do that. We could make a bunch of arguments about why, but frankly what it comes down to is they’re both too stupid. And they can’t understand what’s going on with their kid not only because they lack the intellectual capacity to do so, but because they each have so many psychological issues of their own. It’ll never happen.

There is no one in Lindsay’s life who can save her but herself. And I have a hard time believing that’s going to happen.

Let’s not forget that this is the man who wants to save Lindsay. Enjoy the nipples.

For a long time Dina Lohan engaged in that time-honored Lohan parent tradition – you know the one, where they make a bunch of excuses for their kid while also blaming the media and personally attacking anyone who had the audacity to point out that there was something imperfect about the kid. This time Dina was doing it about Lindsay’s recent massive weight loss, saying she just needed to eat more McDonalds. Always the healthy solution for diet issues.

Well Dina is finally a little worried – and so is Lindsay’s younger sister Ali. Apparently they’re begging her to move home to Long Island so they can keep an eye on her and make sure she’s eating, in an attempt to get her to gain weight and improve her health.

Lindsay Lohan’s family has begged her to put on weight. The ‘Mean Girls’ actress’ mother Dina and 15-year-old sister Ali want the thin star to return to the family home in Long Island, New York, so they can make sure she is eating.

A source said: “That way Dina and Ali can look after her and stop her skipping meals. It would be the best thing for her. We know it’s stress behind the weight loss.”

But the 22-year-old star - who has reportedly lost nearly 14lbs from her already-slender frame in the past two months - has reportedly refused to leave Los Angeles without her girlfriend, DJ Samantha Ronson. The source said: “She won’t be away from Sam. She’s too insecure.”

Lindsay hasn’t even been tempted by junk food bought for her by her worried sister. The source explained: “For a while, Ali was buying her pizza, fries, chips and all her favorites. But she just sits there, taking a few bites, then picking at the rest. She really isn’t fooling anyone.”

Lindsay’s father Michael Lohan also recently revealed he is worried about his daughter’s weight. He said: “Lindsay goes through her fluctuations in weight for different roles. I’ll talk to her about it - I’ll see what’s going on.” Michael expressed his concerns on social networking website Twitter. In the first of a series of posts seemingly aimed at Lindsay, he wrote: “Eat. please.”

[From Celebedge]

Well If Michael Lohan says he’ll talk to her about it, I’m sure it’ll all be fine. Wait… no. But that’s a great way to make sure Lindsay continues not to eat, in an attempt to piss him off. Hell I hate Michael Lohan so much that I can guarantee you I’d do the opposite of anything he ever asked of me, no matter how detrimental or ridiculous. And what the hell – instead of talking to her, he Twitters? Yeah, I’m sure that’ll really open her up. Moron.

A lot of people believe it’s a lot more than stress that’s causing Lindsay to lose weight. Her past substance abuse issues make most of us think she’s on drugs again. Rarely do I consider Dina Lohan a positive presence, but in this case moving home might be a good idea. If nothing else, Lindsay’s family might finally notice it’s more than stress, and maybe get her some help. I’m sure some of Dina’s “home cooking” will get Lindsay back to her fighting weight in no time. Or whatever it is she does to comfort her kids.

Here’s Lindsay and Samantha shopping for stockings at Wolford in London on Friday. Header of Lohan and her typical meal in London on Saturday. Images thanks to BauerGriffinOnline.

Everyone’s favorite horrible ex convict father Michael Lohan has issued an open invitation. The must-have invite? To punch him, of course. At an airport Ramada, no less. This whole thing is being done by Celebrity Boxing Federation and smokingeverywhere.com. Apparently, you can just sign up to get the chance to punch Michael Lohan.

But that’s not all! Lohan issued a douchetastic statement, saying “I have had many people critique my life and career and on April 3rd I will take all my aggressions out on my opponent. It does not matter their size or experience I will take them down.” Oh, Lord. Can we start a pool going to hire the biggest, beefiest, meanest son of a gun to go down to the Ramada and beat the crap out of Lohan? OK! has more:

Who wants to punch Michael Lohan? Besides Samantha Ronson, that is.

Lindsay Lohan’s chatty dad is issuing an open invitation to take a swipe at him in the boxing ring on April 3 at the Philadelphia Airport Ramada. The classy event is being presented by the Celebrity Boxing Federation (yes, that exists) and SmokingEverywhere.com. Anyone and everyone can sign up to take on Lilo’s trash-talking father.

In a statement Michael says, “I have had many people critique my life and career and on April 3rd I will take all my aggressions out on my opponent. It does not matter their size or experience I will take them down.”

If we were the betting kind we’d say Sam’s practicing her right hook right about now…

From OK! Magazine

I wonder how much Michael Lohan is getting paid for this public appearance. Probably more than Lindsey is getting paid to party every night and generally stumble around like a cokehead. I don’t even buy that Sam Ronson really wants to punch Michael Lohan - she probably couldn’t care less, but is merely defending her girlfriend. I don’t know. Should we send Sam down instead of the burly muscle man?

Michael Lohan and his girlfriend are shown at an event in the Hamptons on 10/17/08. Credit: WENN

Michael Lohan is giving up on blogging, thank God. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that no Lohan should ever be allowed within 30 feet of a keyboard. Ever. There is absolutely no excuse for it, and nothing good ever – ever! – comes from it. Lohans were not created to write. They were made to stand there and look pretty. Depending on your definition of pretty.

Michael claims he’s giving up his blog because his children requested it, though he doesn’t say which kids or go into any specifics. But it sure says a lot about him that he needs to have one final rant before he can actually respect their very reasonable request. Michael also claims that he’s never earned a penny off of his kids’ fame – which we’ll just chalk up to his convenient memory.

Well here you have it. My final blog. And for those of you who are doubters or knockers, let me say that I never took a penny for my blog or anything I ever did for any of my children. I did what I did, out of love and concern, regardless of any of your opinions. I did it to help them, advance their careers and give them hope. I taught them that anything is possible if you really want it enough, and that when your heart is in the right place, God will make it all happen!

And although I have full confidence in Jonathan Jaxson (Who is the mastermind behind some of the best stories/blogs out there.), I have to say that when it comes to my innocent children, who are at risk and have nothing to do with the situation at hand, I have to respect their request.

Before I go, however, I must say that I received a text message from a very close and dear friend of Lindsay’s who I trust and admire. The text said, “between you and me you are doing the right thing. From what I hear, from Lindsay’s nearest and dearest friends, Lindsay is worse off than ever since she she has been with Sam. I told Dina that Lindsay needs you back in her life, and I think you know that I was the one who really helped Linds get into rehab.”

Without divulging this person’s identity, let me say that I know this person and I trust him/her very much. As a matter of fact, I spent time with him/her and wish that he/she was still part of Lindsay’s life.

For the record, when it comes to sexual preference, I am not biased. What matters most is the substance of an individual rather than their preference.It is the love and intent behind the relationship that matters. Something I can not give much credence to when it comes to Samantha. Just look at Samantha’s tax returns before she “engaged” Lindsay, and then after! Look at Lindsay’s career before Samantha and after! Look at all the things Lindsay accomplished and had going for her before Samantha and after. And finally, consider how Lindsay spent every holiday with her family before she met Samantha and then after. Would Lindsay ever leave her little sister in LA with Jenni, and leave with Samantha like she recently did when she went to Boston?! NEVER!

I was with Lindsay when she got out of Cirque Lodge. I saw and experienced the “old Lindsay” with so much hope and promise. I had full confidence in her. Then back came Samantha! Can’t you all see this? Am I speaking to stone walls? All I ask that you put your selves in my shoes and HONESTLY consider what you would do. As I said, this is my final blog, and I hope what I have said and expressed to you and Lindsay, have a positive effect on your lives. God Bless you ALL, be well and thank you for your input. Good, bad, positive, or negative, I have learned a lot from all of you. Be Blessed!!!!

[From The Real Story With Mike Lohan]

I really do still feel that Michael has an unhealthy obsession with Lindsay, and not in a fatherly way. I’m not trying to imply anything super skeevy, but there are a lot of parents that are estranged from their adult children. They don’t set up blogs and stalk their every move. All of Michael’s faux-good heartedness is so transparent, and I find it almost offensive to hear someone so manipulative and unbalanced talking about God in his holier-than-thou way.

You might remember Jonathan Jaxson as the “publicist” for Cheetah Girl Adrienne Bailon. Jaxson leaked some nude photos of her. He’s super shady. After we ran a story about him, he actually emailed Celebitchy and said, “Maybe you should learn how to spell one’s name before making such a post. Do your reasearch dumbass.” Ironically, he misspelled “research.” Sad. But it makes sense that Michael Lohan would be taking advice from someone so shady. From his phrasing, it sounds like Jaxson was encouraging him to continue the blog. For once it appears good ‘ol Mike Lohan has made a relatively smart decision – in respecting his children’s wishes and shutting down his blog. Now he can go back to selling stories to Us Weekly.

Here’s Michael Lohan and his fiancé in LA in September. Images thanks to WENN.

Michael Lohan is my favorite celebrity dad. Why? Because he’s the craziest. I challenge you to find another father of someone famous who is as completely batshit insane as Lindsay Lohan’s dad. I mean we can poke all sorts of fun at Joe Simpson, but Joe’s never spent time in prison for DUIs and beating up his brother-in-law. And while his relationship with his daughters is sometimes creepy, it’s still not as terrible as what Michael Lohan’s got going on with all four of his children.

Michael’s main problem is that he loves the spotlight more than he loves his children. But since he’s got no talent of his own (aside from the aforementioned punching of family members), the only thing he’s got left is to ride their coattails. Unfortunately for all the Lohan kids, their mom Dina is the same way, so none of them really have a shot in hell of any type of normalcy or stability.

Michael has decided to capitalize on Lindsay’s recent extreme weight loss by trying to “save” her, according to his website “The Real Story with Mike Lohan.” As far as I can tell, Michael is obsessed with Lindsay, and it’s starting to get really disturbing. He’s also obsessed with girlfriend Samantha Ronson (he insists on labeling her SaMANtha, in an attempt at making fun of her boyish physique and attire), who he essentially thinks is evil. Here’s his latest post on saving Lindsay.

Like I said in the past, “if I see or hear of anyone or anything causing harm or is seen as a threat to my children,” I will speak about it, and do anything I can to try to intervene regardless of the repercussions on me.

With that said, after seeing promise and thanking God for Lindsay’s freedom from SaMANtha’s bondage, I see now, that since SaMANtha has once again, weaseled her way back into Lindsay”s life, things have taken a dark turn.

While I was enthused that Ali was with Lindsay, rather than SaMANtha, I am torn to see that SaMANtha has once again manipulated Lindsay into leaving her little sister in LA, only to join SaMANtha on another DJ gig in Boston.

Was this again, a means for SaMANtha to earn more money through Lindsay”s presence? Did SaMANtha’s fee drop so much and so quickly when word got out that they parted ways? Are we so blind? Is Lindsay so blind? I know Dina and my kids aren’t because they tell me so. But then again, why does Dina tell me one thing and do another?!

When a mother or father sees their child in turmoil (losing weight, not working, and purportedly cutting herself) are we supposed to stand by , remain silent and pretend it isn’t happening? Or are we suppose to step to the plate and not care what people think, and do something about it?

Well, as you can see, I’m not going to sit back and let it slide.

I am asking everyone out their to intervene in every way possible to help Lindsay, and quite possibly, save her life. Help this wonderful, good hearted and gifted young lady to see what SaMANtha is doing to her and how she is destroying her life.

Help her to see that ever since SaMANtha came into her life, nothing good has come of it. As a matter of fact, Lindsay hasn’t used her gifts like she did before meeting SaMANtha.

Just LOOK! The proof is there! These aren’t just words, but FACTS! PLEASE HELP!

[From The Real Story with Mike Lohan]

The best part about his rant is that when you open the page, The Fray’s “How to Save a Life,” comes on full blast. Thanks for the deep musical accompaniment Michael. Let’s give Michael Lohan the benefit of the doubt for a moment. I know, it’s incredibly hard, but bear with me. Here’s the thing: if he really does care about Lindsay, what he needs to do is be a consistent, supportive presence in her life. He needs to NOT have a blog, and not talk to the press. He needs to be the opposite of who he is now. And be the opposite of Dina Lohan as well.

Then Lindsay might not feel so broken by the stress of one relationship that she can’t handle it anymore and resorts to destructive behaviors. If she had other solid people in her life to lean on, she might be able to get through things better, or at least seek help. As it stands now, all Michael’s doing is further alienating his daughter. While looking like an even bigger douche bag.

Here’s Michael Lohan in September. Images thanks to Fame.