Dear Britney-

Everyone was very proud of you since you gave K-Fed the boot and started to change your life.
But your new BFF Paris Hilton and all the recent “party pics” rank up there at the top of the stupid list.

Newsflash Britney-Unless you want your babies living with Kevin most of the time, say goodbye to Paris, buy some underwear and get a clue.

Your lawyers protect you from pesky husband mistakes. They can’t protect you when it comes to child custody. In just about every state, the child custody laws are clear cut:
Unless your former partner is a crack-addicted child molester, there is joint custody.

Crazy fun with Paris isn’t worth custody of your boys. With each picture of you and Paris, you are loading up Kevin’s case for proving you an unfit mother. Go home and let the press snap pictures of you at the Piggly Wiggly or at church. The legal system is insane when it comes to child custody so grow up and be a good mother.

Note from Celebitchy Chic Mommy has a new article about how Britney has chosen to stay home with Jayden James, who is sick with an ear infection. That may be true but Britney was out yesterday showing her shaven twat for the fourth time. TMZ reports that it’s the third time, but I counted three different outfits in those previous picture sets.

People are bashing her on her official myspace, begging her to get a clue and cover the fuck up.

Images from CelebrityPuke.com

Britney Spears has pretty much squandered all the goodwill points she gained for surprising K-Fed with divorce papers by hanging out with Paris Hilton constantly. In fact she doesn’t seem to have gone home to her multimillion dollar mansion in several days. She was spotted out in the same T-Shirt and shoes for a few days in a row, and was even seen buying new toys for her tots, with paparazzi agency x17 reporting that she is staying at a friends house and doesn’t want to return to her Malibu mansion with its lingering memories and weed stench of FedEx.

X17 notes that Britney was seen looking friendly with a new guy, who turned out to be an agent at the William Morris agency. He was not too recognizable, having gained a few lbs since he was last photographed with her. He seems to have reunited with Britney after a party at Paris’ house, and was seen out with her stocking up on children’s items and getting takeout lunch.

As for where Britney’s children are, little Jayden James is still a faceless mystery but Britney doesn’t seem to be foisting them off on the nanny full time. She told one of x17’s paparazzo that she had to get back to her babies. She was also seen out shopping with 14 month-old Sean Preston and Paris Hilton.

There is only one other 20-something psuedo-celebrity that could drag Britney down more than Paris and that’s Lindsay Lohan. Arizona Cardinals quarterback Matt Leinart dropped Paris at his teammate’s urging, and someone should tell Britney that hanging out with Paris could hurt her career as much as K-Fed did. I guess self-sabotaging habits die hard.

Case in point: Britney’s vag slip. (I would publish it here but x17 sent me a cease and desist a while ago.) She’s learning a lot from Paris lately, or maybe she just needs clean underwear and would rather go commando.

Pictures courtesy of Celebrity Puke and Splash News Online. All used with permission.

More pictures of Britney, Paris and Sean Preston are after the jump.

K-Fed tried to declare that he’s up right up there with Osama with an on-stage stunt that was more hackneyed than anything Barbra Streisand could come up with. He had a member of his legion of hangers-on ask him during a performance at Hollywood’s House of Blues “Why does America hate you?”

Federline made the statement during a performance at Hollywood’s House of Blues Wednesday night.

Since the pair separated earlier this month, the 28-year-old has been vilified in the press as a gold-digging freeloader, capitalizing on his wife’s success and wealth.

But a packed house turned out to see a resilient Federline perform tracks from his debut album, Playing with Fire.

After lashing out at his detractors — shouting from the stage, “[Bleep] the haters, [bleep] the media, [bleep] the paparazzi” — Federline adapted lyrics to one of his songs. When a member of his entourage asked onstage, “Why does America hate you?” he replied, “Maybe because I took their queen. I am America’s most hated.”

At least he’s trying to capitalize on his punchline status and wants to turn himself into some sort of bad ass martyr. That seems kind of clever of him, but he’s just giving people more fodder to make fun of him. He further shows how out of touch he is by declaring Britney “queen.”

David Blaine somehow offends and bores me at the same time. I find his stunts offensive because I have a chronic health problem and he puts his health at grave risk to get attention. At the same time, his stunts are formulaic and predictable. He brings his body to the limit and either that’s the stunt or he ads a twist by including some cap off that further challenges those limits. It’s not like the stuff he does is easy and he deserves credit for being willing to go through with it. It’s just dissapointing to me how much he hurts himself when he could be doing more entertaining magic.

His last trick of living in a human fishbowl in New York City’s Lincoln center was said to have given him liver damage and to have resulted in rashes and a loss of sensation throughout his body. When he failed to hold his breath for long enough to break the world record it wasn’t surprising and came off as rather pitiful.

Now he’s set to live in a spinning top in the air for two days that will leave him vulnerable to cold, rain and snow, and to top it off by trying to escape.

On Tuesday, Blaine will be locked spread eagle into the gyroscope, which will then be hoisted 15 metres (50 feet) into the air and spun at up to eight revolutions a minute until Thursday, when he will try to escape…

Blaine said one of his biggest concerns in the challenge, besides not eating or drinking, would be dizziness.

“Just to make it more difficult on myself, I added a motor (to the gyroscope), so even when I’m sleeping there’ll be continuous movement. … I think I’m going to have to stay awake the whole time,” he said.

“This one’s exciting for me. This one’s a fun one,” he said.

The gyroscope will also leave Blaine exposed to the elements, with the performer saying that he only hoped it wouldn’t rain or snow while he dangles above a vacant lot near Manhattan’s Times Square.

The event is being sponsored by Target in conjunction with The Salvation Army, which will give 100 needy children a shopping spree when the stunt is finished regardless of whether Blaine is successful or not.

Blaine announced in mid May after his failed underwater stunt that he was going to live in the Tanzanian jungle with just a film crew to document his idiocy. Focus groups must have rejected that idea since we never heard another word about it.

In a brilliant follow-up to his line of T-Shirts celebrating his fragile sobriety, Pete Doherty and Liam Gallagher, the less arrogant brother in Oasis, are planning to open a retro-themed pub together in North London.

The 34-year-old Oasis star came up with the plan after being persuaded by the Babyshambles singer during a chat in a boozer near the home of Pete’s lover Kate Moss.

An insider said: “Liam loves the old days of north London where his group would hang at cool boozers such as the Good Mixer in Camden.

“But there just isn’t the same vibe anymore, even at the live music venues there. Pete knows Liam through singer Lisa Moorish, with whom they both have children, and got talking to him one night and suggested they start their own cool venue. Somewhere with traditional ales, lagers and spirits with a good old-fashioned pub grub vibe – square pies, bangers and mash and all that. But the main element is somewhere late where up-and-coming artists and bands can showcase their new music.

“It would have a retro feel and be somewhere cool where luvvies, music industry types and models could feel at home…”

Our mole added: “Pete and Liam are looking at a place in Kentish Town near the Pineapple pub on Leverton Street.”

What a great idea for a guy who went to rehab multiple times to open a pub. Alcohol is probably not forbidden in Pete’s recovery plan, but at least he’s supposedly off the smack.

Pete and Kate Moss are said to be planning to marry in late December, with Alexander McQueen designing a unique black and white wedding dress for the affair. Now they’ll have a place to hang out at as a happily married drunken couple. They’ll even be able to bring their eventual kids there!

Rachel Weisz drew collective gasps from prenatal experts everywhere by saying she’s of the mind that it’s ok to have an occasional glass of wine while you’re pregnant.

In Europe they supposedly say it’s ok to have an odd glass of wine while you’re pregnant, which is how Weisz defended her statement. In America, though, it’s strictly forbidden and even most European obstetricians advise against it:

Oscar-winnng actress Rachel Weisz has sparked controversy by saying it is acceptable for pregnant women to drink alcohol.

The 35-year-old, who recently gave birth to her first child, said she thought it was “fine” for expectant mothers to have a glass of wine after the first three months.

British-born Miss Weisz added: “I mean in Europe they drink it”.

Her comments, which were made while she promoted her latest movie The Fountain, were immediately criticised by medical experts who described them as “ill-informed” and “dangerous”.

The Government is currently reviewing guidelines on drinking alcohol when pregnant after experts warned that even very small amounts could result in Foetal Alcohol Syndrome which can lead to learning difficulties, poor co-ordination and attention deficit disorder.

Current UK guidelines say pregnant women can drink one or two units, the equivalent to one or two small glasses of wine or single measures of spirit, once or twice a week.

In the US and Canada complete abstinence from drinking is advised for expectant mothers.

Last night foetal alcohol syndrome specialist Dr Raja Mukherjee, of St George’s Hospital Medical School in London, said: “If Rachel Weisz has drunk during her pregnancy and the baby is fine then that’s just pure luck. The problem is that you don’t know who is at risk and who is not…

Miss Weisz, who won an Oscar last year for her role in The Constant Gardener made her comments in an interview in New York to publicise the film, in which she appears with actor Hugh Jackman.

Asked whether she thought a glass of wine was fine she replied: “Personally I do. They say not in the first three months though, but I think that after that it’s fine. I mean in Europe they drink it”.

Gwyneth Paltrow personally thanked her and took another sip of Guinness.

An absentee ballot in Florida was received with one of the rarest stamps of all time on it. The state of Florida is now a lot richer thanks to some presumably old forgetful person who mailed in their vote using totally rare stamps from the early 1900s. One of the stamps was a 1918 Inverted Jenny stamp, which was a mistaken printing of a plane upside down. This stamp is so famous that even I had heard of it before.

The person who mailed the letter using the ultra-rare stamp didn’t write their name on the ballot or on the envelope, so Florida is going to auction off the stamps to make some money for more Diebold voting machines. Katherine Harris will never lose another election again:

The 1918 Inverted Jenny stamp, which takes its name from an image of a biplane accidentally printed upside-down, turned up on Tuesday night in Fort Lauderdale, where election officials were inspecting ballots from parts of south Florida, Broward County Commissioner John Rodstrom told Reuters.

Only 100 of the stamps have ever been found, making them one of the top prizes of all philately.

Rodstrom, a member of the county’s Canvassing Board, said he spotted the red and blue Inverted Jenny on a large envelope with two stamps from the 1930s and another dating to World War Two.

The nominal value of the four vintage U.S. Post Office stamps was 87 cents, he said.

“I thought, ‘Oh my God, I know that stamp, I’ve seen that stamp before,”‘ said Rodstrom, 54, who dabbled in stamp collecting as a boy. “I’d forgotten the name. I just remembered there was a stamp with an upside-down biplane on it and that it was a very rare, rare stamp.”

Rodstrom said he did not examine the envelope’s postmark, but it had no return address and the ballot was disqualified because it gave no clue as to the identity of the voter.

Election officials have been too busy certifying the outcome of Tuesday’s race to have the stamp authenticated, Rodstrom said.

A block of four of the stamps sold for almost $3 million last year, however, and Rodstrom said the one that turned up Tuesday night could fetch about $500,000 for Broward County at auction.

“It’s now government property,” he said.

The article states that the postmark should not hurt the value of the stamp, and that the unique story of how it was found might make it fetch more at auction.

It’s possible that the person realized that the stamp was incredibly valuable and wanted to donate it in a clever way to the state of Florida. It seems like they gave election officials way too much credit, though. Teresa Lepore would have thrown it in the trash without blinking, especially if they voted Democrat.

Despite his frequent talkshow, music television, and wrestling match appearances, and despite the fact that he’s the husband of one of the most popular pop stars of all time, no one is attending K-Fed’s concerts or buying his new CD. You would think that being on Total Request Live, Ellen, and Much Music would help an artist sell tickets, but when advance buzz is overwhelmingly negative and the person is generally considered an untalented douchebag, no one shows up to see him rap. K-Fed shows that it does take skill and a that a decent personality wouldn’t hurt if you want to make it in show business.

One report claims that less than 250 people attended K-Fed’s show at Webster Hall in NY on Saturday, while another says that around 100 people showed. Regardless even the higher number represents less than a sixth of the club’s capacity. K-Fed was over three hours late onstage, and rapped for about 30 minutes. By the end of his brief set, only 1/3 of the audience remained.

An informal survey of the crowd yielded a foursome who confessed that they were friends of K-Fed’s manager and had gotten free tickets; two judgment-reserving girls who also had free tickets, which they’d won from TRL; a priceless foreign couple who admitted they’d first heard of Kevin Federline “this day”; and one couple with mixed intentions. (She: “I’m not a fan, just really into the tabloids!” He, glumly: “My girlfriend made me come.”) And though the venue may have been sorely undersold — estimates put the sparse crowd around 250, a sixth of the Webster Hall’s capacity — the impenetrable bunch of hopped-up fans pressed against the stage were an undeniably ecstatic bunch packed five rows deep.

A posse of enthusiastic NYU types, including a pair of Roxy boys with matching bandanas tied around their necks, raised a ruckus on a too small riser at the left of the stage, nubile girls clad in their best strip-mall formalwear gyrated in front of appreciative dates, and more than one pair of drunken-secretary types careened wildly toward the stage upon entering mid-set. Their energy was palpable and — we hate to say — surprisingly infectious. Judging by the screams incited every time K-Fed did, well, just about anything, we’d say it was one of the more hyperactive, scrappy little crowds in recent Webster Hall history, ironic or no. Most remarkably, no one in attendance seemed to mind that the show clocked in at around a half hour — just under a dollar per minute, in ticket-price terms.

[via ONTD]

K-Fed is said to have “begged” organizers not to cancel that Webster Hall gig, and it doesn’t seem like making the show go on at all costs was the right decision. Two of his other shows, in Cleveland and Atlantic City, have been cancelled due to poor ticket sales.

K-Fed most likely told his wife not to steal his thunder at his recent concerts, and that has undoubtedly hurt him. What he sorely lacks in talent and common sense he could have salvaged with some well orchestrated duets with Britney. She was dumb enough to marry him and bear two of his children, she would have gladly come on stage at his gigs. Instead, he shot himself in the foot by making sure she isn’t even seen at his shows. Britney wore a pink wig at his Halloween concert and was not seen at the Saturday night show.

Jessica Simpson claims her one-time chairty work in Africa for Operation Smile, in which she was sick most of the time and spent just 2 out of 10 planned days visiting children, gave her the perspective she needed to dump her husband, Nick Lachey. She told Jane magazine that her brief visit with children with facial deformities made her want to change her life:

If that was true, why didn’t Jessica do any more high-profile charity work after that one visit to Africa? She could have gone back or worked with charities in the states. You know that if she did more charity work we would have heard about it. She did show up at Congress one day with her hairdresser, Ken Paves, but if she wanted to change her life so badly she should have stuck with the great guy she had and done something meaningful with her time.

Meanwhile Jessica is getting blasted for her increasingly poor taste in clothing. US Weekly notes that her style is erratic and frumpy lately and that she needs to get a new stylist or some taste stat.

One can hardly blame her for not looking polished all the time. Nick is happy in a new relationship with MTV VJ Vanessa Minnillo while Jessica is still single and lonely and telling everyone about it. His album is also selling much better than her latest breathy pop offering. “What’s Left of Me” has sold twice as many copies as “A Public Affair.”

Update: Thanks to Starfruit gossip for Jessica’s entire wacky explanation of how she realized she would leave Nick:

Here is Jessica in what could be a new photoshoot, I have no idea, found on SweetKisses.net.

RadarOnline uncovered this raunchy old picture of Arnold Swarzenegger fingering some chick at a restaurant while his buddies laugh and look on. There are plenty of frat boys who wouldn’t pull a stunt like this and allow themselves to be photographed.

His movies are as far from Oscar-worthy as Bush’s performance as commander in chief is to winning a humanitarian award, (ok, maybe they’re closer in some cases, like “Twins”) so that could explain his poor reasoning.

This picture isn’t surprising, considering that Ahnald admitted in 1977 to enjoying orgies with other horny bodybuilders.

Here’s what he said in a Oui interview at the time.

It looks like “the serious stuff” for Arnold now involves controlling the seventh largest economy in the world.

The closeup on this picture skeeved me out almost as much as learning what a “Dirty Sanchez” was, so look at it at your own risk.