So I passed out early last night, neglecting the links. Sorry to my fellow gossip hounds. I should really do two link posts a day as there’s so much good stuff out there. I’ll give it a shot.

Here’s what happened while I was sleeping:

- Suri Cruise was unveiled! The world wondered if Chris Klein could stop being a chauvinist pig long enough to care that his child and momma’s baby are being brainwashed and held in secluded luxury. [Bastardly]
- Katie Holmes thinks that people shouldn’t be allowed to talk smack about her spawn. [Page One Blog]
- Tom Cruise’s Vanity Fair cover is a rip off of a Paul McCartneys first solo album, and a certain popular blogger ripped off someone else’s find. No surprise there. [Agent Bedhead]
- Why does Suri Cruise look asian with a bad toupee? [DListed]
- Heidi Klum, Seal, Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale had a high-profile playdate. Or their kids did. [Mollygood]
- Kate Bosworth and Orlando Bloom broke up [Socialite's Life]
- Jessica Simpson admitted that her supposed relationship with golden shower-loving John Mayer was just a publicity stunt. Well, not really, but almost. [Hot Momma Drama]
- Paris Hilton realized what payback feels like, and it hurts. [Haute Gossip]
- Pajiba tells us the movies we really should be watching instead of the crap the studios shove down our throats. [Pajiba]
- Rachel Weisz’s new movie got booed at the Venice Film Festival [I'm not obsessed]
- Is Lindsay Lohan engaged again? [PopSugar]
- Another member of the “Lost” cast got busted on a driving offense. [Seriously, OMG, WTF?!]
- Bush and Cheney dressed in drag [CityRag]
- Steve Jobs and Apple co-founder, Steve Wozniak, just can’t get along [yeeeah]
- Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock attended “The Lake House” Tokyo premiere, looked thrilled [Gabsmash]

Pictures from ONTD and Egotastic!

Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson’s divorce was finalized in early July. Nick was offered an insulting $1.5 million settlement by Jessica’s creepy father, Joe Simpson, in early June. The couples joint assets are valued at well over $30 million, so that was truly a piss poor amount. (Albeit one that would change most anyone else’s life.)

Nick was said to be holding out for a relatively paltry $8 million, which he lowered to just $5 million.

Now Nick and Jessica have reached an undisclosed settlement, but Nick’s share is said to be well less than half of the couple’s assets:

Lachey’s people could have leaked that news to make him seem like a good guy, but he is a good guy. There’s no blaming Simpson, since she generally seems to do what people tell her and simple math is probably way above her head. Now she’ll have more cash to buy terrible ill-fitting fashion thanks to her daddy playing hardball.

Here is Jessica in NY yesterday. Photos courtesy of SweetKisses.net

Jessica Simpson appeared on “The View” yesterday, during Rosie O’Donnels inaugural show as co-host. All the women talked over each other, and Jessica denied dating John Mayer:

Jessica, in response to a question asked by Joy Behar: “I’m actually not dating John Mayer”

Rosie: “Really, People Magazine was wrong? Shocking.”

Jessica: “They put this quote saying I’m in love… he’s my friend, I’ve known him for a couple years.”

Jessica also says her mom is responsible for her bad fashion: “My mom does the whole clothing line with me,” and that her Dad controls everything: “My dad just tries to control me and my sisters… that was the wrong choice of words. Oops, sorry dad! I love you!”

Here’s a video of her performance singing that breakup song about how she came to terms with her stupidity. The lyrics aren’t totally trite or anything. Why is she still singing? Her voice is so raspy and wasn’t she told to rest it?

Pity party for Paris! The dumb heiress was seen bawling like a baby outside of Bungalow 8 in NY when she was denied entry. Her greasy fuck buddy, Brandon “firecrotch” Davis, threw a fit and the cops were called. Contrast this scene to well-behaved Tara Reid waiting patiently outside Hyde in LA, making self-depricating comments while Paris and Kim Kardashian sauntered in. Now we know who the gracious one is:

Karma can work quickly in Hollywood. Thanks to DListed for these pictures.

It was front page news on Yahoo! yesterday, but according to Steve Irwin’s manager he was misquoted and never said that Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin heroically pulled out the stingray’s poisonous barb before he died:

[via Fark]

In a way, that’s a relief to me, because I kept picturing it in my head, thinking the tape was going to leak onto the Internet and knowing that I’d watch it. My husband also said he thought about it a lot. People die in all sorts of terrible ways, but this has invaded our pop culture consciousness and become legend. RIP Steve. You’re remembered with love.

There are a lot of touching political cartoons about Steve Irwin’s death at Cagle.com.

So these two guys somehow crashed the “Lost” set in Hawaii and took pictures and posted them on Flickr.

This is all they have to say about it:

Check out the faces they make.

I love the picture of the guy in the cemetary. A commentor on Flickr notes: “This is disrespectful to those dead characters.”

These pictures are just priceless. You know that “Lost” is going to get word of this and increase security on set. [via]

Diddy’s girlfriend Kim Porter is pregnant with twins. Diddy is already the father of two boys, one with Kim, for which he shells out an incredible $50,000 a month combined in child support. Now that Kim is expecting twins, Diddy’s first statement is about how this makes him better than all the other celebrity parents:

Kim is expecting the double bundle in December, and Diddy is sure to gush over his babies just as much as he expounds on the joys of peeing. Let’s hope he doesn’t release a naseating video about it, like the video invitation that The Smoking Gun unearthed to his 25th birthday. Diddy is really proud of his accomplishments and likes to rub everyone’s faces in it. As long as there’s some accompanying caviar and expensive champagne, the other celebrities clearly don’t mind.

Britney has scheduled a C-Section for her second child - to take place on little Sean Preston’s birthday, September 14th. She’s also planning on calling the baby “Jailynn” in honor of her parents and her sister.

Now doesn’t that take a special day away from her current child, who is already getting a sibling at the tender age of one? It seems like a pretty dumb move on Britney’s part if it’s true. She’s having a scheduled C-Section, so surely she could have gone a few days before or after Sean Preston’s birthday. The little guy deserves to have his own birthday.

Not only is he subject to Britney’s poor (but well-intentioned) parenting, now he’s getting his damn birthday downgraded too. It just doesn’t seem fair to either baby.

Here is Britney nurishing her unborn child with some Taco Bell. Her companion seems to enjoy fast food as well. Thanks to BreatheHeavy and X17 for these photos.

Beyonce celebrated her 25th birthday and the drop of her inventively-titled new album, “B-Day” on Tuesday. She celebrated with a cake in her image on MTV’s “Total Request Live,” where the audience sang happy birthday to her. She also made an appearance on BET’s “106 and Park.”

The NY Daily News cites an insider who claims that Beyonce’s frenzied promotion of her album may make the pubilc tire of her well before “Dreamgirls” is released in December. What’s more, Beyonce is said to have released her album at this point because she’s not the star of “Dreamgirls” and doesn’t want a lot of competition from “American Idol” star Jennifer Hudson, who will steal the spotlight from her:

Beyonce is getting a lot of attention now, and that’s undoubtedly what she was hoping for.

She also received a lavish birthday gift from her boyfriend, Def Jam president Jay-Z. She was surprised with a 1959 Rolls Royce convertible worth over $1 million. I’m not one to look a gift horse, but doesn’t a gorgeous car seem like the kind of thing a guy would want? It sounds like Jay-Z just bought her something he really wanted. Jewelry seems more Beyonce’s style, although I’m sure she was thrilled with the car.

Here are pictures of Beyonce on TRL and 106 and Park yesterday.