Mandy Moore won’t talk about Ryan Adams: ‘he gets off on being talked about’


Mandy Moore’s long-promised album comes out tomorrow. It’s called Silver Landings and the name signifies how far Mandy has come in the last decade, both personally and professionally. We know now that reason we have not heard much from Mandy in the last 10 years sn because she was being manipulated and held back by her controlling ex, Ryan Adams. In February 2019, Mandy went public with what she endured while under his thumb. After finally liberating herself from that situation, Mandy’s career has re-ignited (This Is Us), she’s able to explore her creativity (Silver Landings) and she’s found love with a person she can trust (husband Taylor Goldsmith). Now that she is completely free from Adams, Mandy wants to distance herself from him both for her well-being and because of the satisfaction he gets from anyone talking about him.

That last album, the folk- and country-inspired “Amanda Leigh,” came out in 2009 — also the year she married the musician Ryan Adams. Throughout their relationship, Ms. Moore wrote songs, some with Mr. Adams, for a seventh studio album. Every so often she would share updates with her fans on social media. But nothing was ever released.

“I was so ready. I was so hungry,” Ms. Moore said. At the time, she had no formal representation; she had parted ways with her music manager. Mr. Adams, a prolific solo artist, writer and producer, discouraged her from working with anyone but him on the new album, she said.

As the years went by, Mr. Adams continued to release his own work, and Ms. Moore’s career as a musician stagnated. She began to question her self-worth: “‘Am I good enough? What do I bring to the table?’ Because if my creative partner and romantic partner can’t even make time or doesn’t want to work with me, where does that leave me?”

She and Mr. Adams divorced in 2016, but it would be years until she went public about his treatment of her. And she certainly wouldn’t write about him.
“I’m so done with that person having taken so much of my life and my time,” she said.

Last February, Ms. Moore opened up about her relationship with Mr. Adams in a New York Times investigation of sexual misconduct and emotional abuse allegations against the musician. (Through his lawyer, Mr. Adams denied many of the allegations. After the article’s publication he posted a series of apologies on Twitter “to anyone I have ever hurt, however unintentionally.”)

“I was blown out of the water by the information, some of which was in the article and some of which after the fact I found out wasn’t a part of it,” Ms. Moore said, wiping tears from her eyes.

For months after the article’s publication, people reached out to Ms. Moore — some with their own stories about Mr. Adams and others who had experienced similar treatment in their personal lives. “Women were, are, so hungry to have this conversation, I think, when it involves emotional and psychological abuse,” she said.

She is proud to have spoken up about her experience. Still, Ms. Moore is reluctant to frame Mr. Adams as the center of — or even a turning point in — her story.

“I just don’t want this thing to be about him,” she said, referring to the interview and the article that would come of it. “He’s taken so much for so long from so many people. I can promise you he gets satisfaction being talked about in any capacity. I just know that about him. I haven’t spoken to him in, I don’t know, two years or something, but just knowing him as well as I know him, he really gets off on being talked about.”

[From NY Times via Lainey Gossip]

It’s criminal how much of her life Adams robbed Mandy of, stifling her creativity as a means of controlling her and letting her believe it was because she wasn’t good enough. I’m sure sharing her story was like a dam breaking within her. I know people like Mandy described, who do “get off on” anyone talking about them, regardless of what’s being said. Mandy being able to mute the story on him tells me that 1) she’s done the healing she needs to walk away and 2) has reclaimed all her power. Both those things make me very happy for Mandy and I hope she continues to thrive.

I never really followed Mandy’s music career. I knew she was a singer, she just wasn’t in my rotation. Silver Landings is being promoted as a folk album that was inspired from some of her favorite artists like Joni Mitchell, Jackson Browne and Warren Zevon. I appreciate folk music and I like all those artists so here’s hoping. Her first single, When I Wasn’t Watching, wasn’t bad, although I like the lyrics more than the tune. However, the big takeaway from all Mandy’s interviews over the last few years is that she doesn’t really need our approval, she’s doing this for herself now. She’s not letting someone else dictate when and how she can express herself. In that case, she’s already won everything.




Photo credit: WENN/Avalon

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35 Responses to “Mandy Moore won’t talk about Ryan Adams: ‘he gets off on being talked about’”

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  1. lemonylips says:

    Smart move not to talk about him. And a good messagge. Might save a lot of people who were or are in a relationship with someone toxic and manipulative. And yes, they do get off of reaction, of any kind. Ignore is the hardest but best way to deal with it.

  2. runcmc says:

    Could we maybe call him “Mandy’s ex” here? I don’t like the idea that he wants to be talked about and we’re unintentionally giving that to him by discussing our support for Mandy Moore.

    I wish her all the success and happiness in the world

  3. Charfromdarock says:

    I haven’t listened to her new music.

    I’ve already pre-downloaded from iTunes. I don’t care if I like it or not and it may not be important to her, but I hope she outsells that’s jerk.

    • manda says:

      Oh I’m sure she will. I feel like he is very niche and that way more people have heard of her than him. I know I’ve heard of him but never once heard one of his songs.

      • Originaltessa says:

        His music is pretty good. But he peaked in the early 2000’s He’s getting older, and his fan base are older 30 somethings like myself. I still listen to him, even though he’s an ass. I dunno. Maybe I shouldn’t.

      • Caitrin says:

        Tessa, I struggle with that, too. I have Heartbreaker and Gold on vinyl, and I always feel guilty for loving those albums.

      • kgeo says:

        Caitrin, they’re really good though. I do kind of associate them with the feelings I used to have often back then, which were usually due to some toxic relationship, so…there’s that.

      • Originaltessa says:

        Yeah, it’s weird, right? His music, if I could describe it, makes you feel things. If you’re sad, it’ll draw the tears out. If you’re happy? His upbeat stuff makes the party. I think it’s true for a lot of artists, but their real life personalities are dark. He sounds like a total prick. His music means a lot to me, though. I can’t give it up.
        And… talking about him like this is exactly what Mandy thinks gets him off. I’m sure he loves being talked about as a musical genius.

    • horseandhound says:

      he is a very talented musician. I still can’t get over the perfection that is ‘la cienega just smiled’. I’m sad to hear he’s a douchebag.

  4. Veronica S. says:

    I’m listening through the new releases for the pre-release album, and honestly….I like it. It’s very different from her earlier work, which was very pop oriented, but it’s certainly a way to reinvent herself. Folksy is definitely the term for it – with a little more twang, it could easily go into a country category.

    There have been rumors about her ex for years. Somehow, it’s not surprising that they were all true. His best songs were always covers of other artists as it is.

  5. Jess says:

    I love how she shot straight up after leaving his sorry ass. She’s getting everything she deserves after enduring that hell. She seems like a genuine person and I’m so glad she found success and love.

    • Anna says:

      Yes, she seems like a really good person. I’m following her on Instagram and she is active in rescue. She adopted several cats from a well-known TNR/fostering advocate from Las Vegas.

    • Lauren II says:

      I believe Mandy..every word. She disappeared and now we know why.
      Mandy is remarkable in “This Is Us”. Lovely voice too. I admire her strength.

      • North of Boston says:

        It makes me think, how many talented, vibrant women have ‘disappeared’ because of controlling or abusive or insecure men.

        The # of women who fell off the face of the Earth, professionally, after a run in with Weinstein, for example. Such a d*** shame.

  6. Laura says:

    Selena… Take notes here.
    Everyone has their own path to healing I guess.

  7. Andrew’s Nemesis says:

    I’ve always had a real soft spot for Mandy Moore: not a girl crush, but I think she’s lovely, genuine and genuinely talented.

    I had a similar experience with my horrible ex: I’d been accepted (in eight minutes!!) for a Masters-PhD in philosophy and was really excited about it, but he wouldn’t allow me to do it. Instead he drew up spreadsheets of local lawyers and told me to apply for secretarial jobs (even dumping a laptop on my knees when I had fullblown flu and telling me to contact them) because he couldn’t stand that I might be more academic than him. It was the start of a lot of emotional abuse, the erosion of any sense of self or self-worth.

    I’m so glad that Mandy Moore has gotten away from this horrendous man and has the love and support of a decent one.

    • Veronica S. says:

      Please tell us you did eventually get the PhD and left this loser in your academic dust. Abusers really are some of the most vile and worthless humanity has to offer.

      • Andrew’s Nemesis says:

        @VeronicaS No, I’ve not done it yet. I ended up with major health issues, mental and physical, because like @Anna I was on the receiving end of mental cruelty and physical violence (he also said ‘I triggered him’; ‘you made me do it’, damn him) and it all got a bit too much. I have written a book however; and I hope to be infinitely more successful than he. I know it’s uncharitable, but I wasn’t the one to have made it a competition. @VeronicaS, I’m so very glad to hear of your success.

    • Anna says:

      Ugh. Same here. An ex who told me for years I was worthless and would never succeed in anything. Job, personal life, I was nothing without him. He was also violent but told me it was all my fault because I triggered him (at one point, I couldn’t do/say anything “acceptable”). Needless to say, after I dumped his sorry ass, it became quite clear how he was the weak one who needed ME to feed his sad little ego. And of course I went on to became way more successful than him, jobwise.

  8. JC says:

    Wow. This really hit home for me. I could write a whole essay about this but I will just say what my domestic violence counselor told me so many times:

    Do not engage. Do not engage. Do not engage. Do not engage. Do not engage.

  9. Valiantly Varnished says:

    Good for her. And she’s right narcissists love being talked about.

  10. Atticus says:

    I’ve loved Mandy since her Candy days! Loved her music in one of the al time best movies, Center Stage (Jody Sawyer!!), loved her in Saved!, loved her in Tangled and to be honest, I only tried This Is Us because she was in it. Love to see her career resurgence and so excited to catch her tour in DC in a few weeks. Her album Wild Hope (from 2007) is amazing, stands up as one of my all time faves of any artist. Check it out if you haven’t already!

    • HMC says:

      Amanda Schull played Jody Sawyer in Center Stage. My face album for Mandy is Coverage, I love her interpretation of those songs.

      • Atticus says:

        Yep, Amanda played Jody and Mandy’s involvement in that movie was a couple songs on the soundtrack (no acting role). But whenever I think about Center Stage I can’t help but yell Jody Sawyer and picture everyone clapping for her at the end 😄

        And ooooh yes I LOVE Coverage!!!

    • Alyse says:

      Side bar, how amazing is Centre Stage???!!! So glad it just joined Netflix 🙂

  11. Ali says:

    “My favorite version of me disappeared”

    Me, too, Mandy. It’s hard to be your best self in a toxic relationship when all your energy goes to making yourself into what you hope (but will ultimately never) make the other person happy.

  12. Kathryn says:

    I will give her new music a listen – love the singer-songwriters she was inspired by (music nerd correction – these are not really “folk” musicians). And ugh, I used to love Ryan Adams’ music but I’m also a fan of Dawes. Glad she’s in a healthy place now.

  13. Mere says:

    That brown dress is amazeballs. Anyone have an ID?

  14. Starkille says:

    So…actually, she’s still talking about him. Sounds like most of the interview was about her not talking about him, rather than her new work. She should’ve just said “no comment” and the interviewer should have made the interview about her work.

    • Anna says:

      I’m glad she said what she did. It reminds other women that they shouldn’t put up with abusers like her ex.

    • K says:

      Yeah, unfortunately, her alluding to his narcissism and control issues by saying he would enjoy being discussed leads to exactly that. She could say something like, “The past is behind me. I’m doing the kind of work I want to be doing now, not under the thumb of any romantic or professional partner, and I’m excited to talk about the new album,” etc.

  15. Dani says:

    I’ve always loved Mandy and even if her album is terrible I will buy it and steam it on Spotify etc etc bec she deserves it.

  16. Stacy Dresden says:

    Happy she has broken free from her abuser. It’s too common.