Alicia Silverstone’s son Bear got bullied for his long hair

Alicia Silverstone is mom to Bear Blu Jarecki, who is nine years old. We don’t hear a lot about Bear and when we do, it’s usually about his vegan diet, which I guess Alicia feels she constantly needs to defend. Other than that, Bear seems like a happy young man living as normal a life as the son of a rich hippie in Hollywood can. Over the weekend, Alicia shared some photos of Bear following a swim in the family pool. Bear and Alicia have the same eyes. They also have the same hair style, something Alicia said he was teased about but when it came down to it, Bear liked his hair and said he wanted to grow it even longer. She posted the Instagram above with the following caption on Monday

I just love him so much! 🥰 Great Sunday hanging with my little baby.. Well, I guess he’s not so little anymore! We went for a swim and now we’re getting ready to make some dinner! Also I just LOVE his hair in this image, I had to grab a quick pic. One time my son was made fun of by other kids because of his hair on a bus ride to surf camp. After he had returned and told me, I thought he would want to cut it for a haircut appointment we had already scheduled the next day, but when we showed up, he said “please give me a trim so I can grow it to my waist.” That’s my boy! He knows who he is. He loves his hair and chooses to have it long. Mama and Papa aren’t going to stop him from being him. He’s beautiful and we love his hair! We would never impose any social ideas about what hair on a boy or girl should look like. We should all try to embrace our children and who they choose to be without any judgement! Plus there are so many very handsome men who have long hair Brad Pitt… Harry Styles…. Jason Momoa… even Jesus 😉… all long hair! Just sayin.. 😂❤️ #family#love

[From Instagram via Just Jared]

You know, in all the years I’ve defended long hair, or, more accurately, found any complaint against it ridiculous, I never thought of the Jesus comparison. Kourtney Kardashian and Rachel Zoe have both had to deal with people butting into their sons’ hair business, but those were parents, mostly moms, complaining. Bear’s teasers were kids and let’s face it, kids are mean. But Alicia’s right, we should just let our kids handle it. A lot of us are still conditioned by what we were told was socially acceptable from our childhood. When my son was in second grade, there was a dance performance thing and his class was disco-themed. The only thing I could find last minute to fit the costume was a pink button down shirt. After the function, the kids went to go run around the playground and I, paranoid, asked if my son wanted to change his shirt. He said no. I just knew he’d get teased, which he did, not five feet from where I stood. Some kid shouted, “Hey, look! Master Hecate is wearing a pink shirt!” And without slowing down his jog, my son shouted back, “Yep, and I make it look good, too!” and that was it. All my anxiety for naught.

Alicia is very much about Bear being his own person and that’s a good thing. We shouldn’t push gender norms on our kids. I hope the only decisions Bear ever makes about his hair are based on upkeep. Styles change. Preferences change. If Bear wants to bring Jesus-length hair back, let him.

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Photo credit: Instagram and WENN/Avalon

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22 Responses to “Alicia Silverstone’s son Bear got bullied for his long hair”

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  1. heygingersnaps says:

    “One time my son was made fun of by other kids because of his hair on a bus ride to surf camp.”
    He was teased once about it so why is it being called bullying? Being teased and bullied are very different.
    I do agree that people shouldn’t impose any supposed gender norms to a child unfortunately school children here in the UK need to adhere to a school’s rules about it hair lengths and such.

    • Lady Baden-Baden says:

      What?? Where in the UK are you? That’s def not the case in my kids’ school

      • heygingersnaps says:

        I live in Yorkshire, schools & some who are part of a trust can set up rules about hair lengths, uniforms and the like. I guess it just depends on where you are or what school your child goes to.

    • Sarah says:

      It’s the rule that needs to change, not the hair.

    • Snowslow says:

      Same as @Lady Baden-Baden.
      The rules we have are super heteronormative though: you can die your hair blonde or any other “natural’ colour but not blue or green. So you can conform to sexist stereotypes of blonde=pretty but not use your imagination and be creative.
      However we do not have hair length restrictions.
      Oh, we do have nail polish restrictions: it has to be ‘discreet’. My kid’s high school seems very on top of colour.

    • Elle says:

      Like heygingersnaps said ‘Being teased and bullied are very different’, and they should not used lightly.

  2. Carol says:

    When my niece was in preschool a boy said to her, “You are so hairy.” Without skipping a beat she replied, “Duh, I’m half cat!”
    I was so proud of her. I would have had years of trauma about my hairiness, not her. I love her confidence.

    • Trillian says:

      That is an awesome comeback! I am sooo going to borrow that.

    • Nikki* says:

      Wonderful story! :)

    • Blueskies says:

      A girl after my own heart! I think I will use this, too. I have very fair but hairy arms. A very peach fuzzy face, too, but I’ve never messed with either one. I used to be self-conscious about it but not for the last few years now (aka post-menopause ;) )

  3. MerlinsMom1018 says:

    My 13 year old grandson has the most beautiful nearly waist length hair I have ever seen. (He always teases me about our hair being the same length)
    He is also a straight A student, and a student ambassador at his school. He is extremely self confident as well, funny as hell, and is just a GOOD person all around.
    I did ask if he ever got bullied about his hair and he said yeah, but his response was, “ok thanks for your opinion which I didn’t ask for and could care less about” and moved on.
    So good on Alicia and Bear.

  4. McMom says:

    My younger son had longish hair starting at age 9 and then long long in high school. He wasn’t teased – though he would oftentimes get mistaken for a girl by substitute teachers (he has slightly androgynous features) until he started talking and they saw his name (he has a very deep voice and a clearly masculine name). It’s never been an issue. He’s an athlete and I could spot him on the field because his hair stuck out of the bottom of his helmet. There was another boy on the field who had very long, glorious hair – also not an issue.

    So while I’m of course sorry her son was bullied, I’m a little surprised his hair was even a thing – it’s a non-issue in my urban Texan community.

  5. Teebee says:

    My son started growing his hair in junior high. Well maybe not growing, rather neglecting to get it cut.

    He’s almost 18, 6’3” and his hair is 2/3 down his back. He’s got GORGEOUS thick black hair with a natural wave, he wears silly t shirts cargo shorts and will forever have a chubby baby face. He doesn’t care about hairstyles, he lets it fly most of the time and now actively refuses to cut it.

    I couldn’t imagine him without his long hair. I hope he keeps it forever. He’s also impervious to opinion. Kids have a hard enough time carving out their place in this world, without everyone having an opinion on how to do it.

    I know every mother here celebrates their children, no matter what their hair length and knows it’s really about instilling self esteem and self worth. I hope we are the norm, not the exception.

  6. Snowslow says:

    My middle son was in a ballet vocational school and was scolded for wearing an ear stud. When he said that girls were allowed why couldn’t he, the co-director shouted at him that he was not a girl. He took it to the head and was apologised too. Then we went to the meeting and the director said that they had thought about what happened and decided that if a boy wanted to take a skirt to school he could and that they had been narrow-minded.
    My kid, who is gay, decided to stop dancing and moved schools to a state highschool here in London that has an LGBTQ+ group (that can’t meet anymore due to Covid restrictions) and is suffering homophobic bullying that he is unwilling to repeat at home (I assume it is hurtful and sexual). So the battle continues. But like you say, and although I spoke to the school, he wants to deal with it himself and I agree. they have to learn how to defend themselves.

    • Nikki* says:

      As the mom of an adult gay son, I think it’s really important your son has encouragement and support from other gay folk at this difficult time, such as The Trevor Project. A mom’s love is super important, but it’s also wonderful to have support and affirmation from those who are gay.

      • Snowslow says:

        Thanks for the input @Nikki*! I searched for LGBTQ+ website online, especially the ones targeted for parents of young gay people, but also for him. Nothing much in our area which is a shame…
        I sent him one of the websites and urged him to contact them and go to their events. However he does have bisexual and gay friends and acquaintances, which reassures me.

  7. manda says:

    Yes just let kids decide! When I was in the third or fourth grade, my mother cut all my hair off (she didn’t like dealing with it and thought I didn’t do a good enough job, but didn’t tell me that she was planning on doing anything if my efforts didn’t improve), and I’ve never forgiven her. And people thought I was a boy and it hurt when they said nasty things to me as a boy that they thought was wearing girl clothes. It’s confusing and I had to deal with it on top of the fact that I HATED how I looked with the short hair. I’m 43 now and my hair is down to my ass and I still, every now and then, let my mother know that was a crappy thing to do

  8. Doodle says:

    In the summer of fifth and sixth grades I let my daughter dye her dark hair purple and blue. She has to have it bleached first. Then dyed… two years later she is still doing it. It opened up her confidence and made her more “herself”. I would assume the same of a boy with long hair. It’s an identifying feature. We should be supporting it, not allowing for any restrictions on it or allowing people to make fun of it.

  9. Kate says:

    I was about to type out a comment that I don’t know where kids get their gender norms from b/c my 3 and 5 year olds already talk about girl/boy colors and girl/boy toys even when I tell them anyone can play with any toy or wear any color they want. Then I realized that I buy my girl clothes from the girl section and I buy my boy clothes from the boy section. I let my girl’s hair be long and I cut my boy’s hair short. I let my boy have fingernail polish or wear barrettes if he wants and they can pick out any toys they want but for the most part I probably through my actions reinforce traditional gender norms. So I’m not sure how effective telling them that one gender doesn’t own certain colors or toys actually is when it comes down to how they will react if/when they see a boy or girl who is doing something outside of the norms.

    • Jules says:

      Gender norms are put on babies in utero, and kids become aware of gender differences around age 2. The research around gender-neutral parenting is kinda mixed. One of the potential cons is that kids may be more confused about their own identity. Essentially, this is just another form of conditioning… parents may think they are raising kids without norms, but that, in itself, is another form of conditioning. And for some parents, this is all about trying to be hip and on trend. Time will tell.

  10. c8h10n4o2 says:

    All I know is that I would cut my own mother for that kid’s eyelashes. Some kids can take care of themselves and it sounds like he can just fine.

  11. Mash says:

    Her son, Her culture, Her life.

    BUT
    Fake white Jesus (cesare borgia) DEFINITELY had long (Caucasian-type as shown in her pictures) hair🙃🙄
    Real Christ had hair of wool (kinkier hair think afro) and skin likened unto burnished brass/bronze 👀