Will Javier Bardem be James Bond’s latest (homoerotic) nemesis?

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Back in May of last year, The National Enquirer ran a few stories claiming that Daniel Criag was (and is?) totally gay, and that he was making out with some dude at a Venice Beach gay bar. I enjoyed these stories so, so much, because I got to write some homoerotic fan-fiction involving Daniel Craig, his lover “Javi” (loosely based on Javier Bardem), and some hot grinding action in a dimly-lit gay-bar parking lot. Why did I choose Javier, of all possible hookup partners? I just liked the idea of Javi and Daniel groping each other. I liked the idea of Daniel’s lips traveling down Javi’s thick, muscular frame… as Javi’s head leans back, a look of pain and pleasure crossing his face at once. It’s hot, right?

Anyway, my homoerotic dream is very close to becoming a reality. Deadline reports that Javier Bardem has been offered the villain role in the next James Bond film. I mean… would it be too much to have the villain be gay? And that the international conspiracy involve humid, sweaty gay bars and tequila?

Deadline has just learned that Javier Bardem has been offered a starring role in the upcoming James Bond film recently set for a November 9, 2012, release. Details about the character are being kept under wraps for now. But traditionally the biggest male role opposite 007 is the villain, and Bardem played a truly villainous villain in his Oscar-winning turn in No Country For Old Men two years ago.

The EON Productions offer by principals Michael G. Wilson and Barbara Broccoli to Bardem to join star Daniel Craig and director Sam Mendes was made last week, at around the same time that the WME-repped Bardem received his Best Actor nomination for Biutiful and another high-profile offer of a lead role, that of gunslinger Roland Deschain in the Ron Howard-directed trilogy based on Stephen King’s novel series The Dark Tower. (Amidst all this career activity, Bardem and Penelope Cruz welcomed their first son into the world.)

But it should be noted that Bardem was offered the high-profile villain role in Oliver Stone’s Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps and turned it down.

Producers Broccoli and Wilson had been in pre-production on Bond #23 for release in 2011 but then it took almost a year for MGM’s future to sort itself out what with the failed auction sale of the studio, then the pre-packaged bankruptcy getting approval, and eventually Spyglass taking over studio filmmaking. Daniel Craig will be returning as the legendary British secret agent, with Sam Mendes directing a screenplay written by Neal Purvis, Robert Wade and John Logan. That script is being kept under wraps but the story begins after Quantum Of Solace leaves off.

[From Deadline]

Potential plotlines: Javier plays a villain who lives in a palatial estate in the South of France. James Bond roles up in a yacht, the ocean breeze blowing his thin button-down shirt open, his tan skin glistening in the sunlight. Javier is waiting for him. He is already shirtless, wearing only a pair of short swim trunks, having just gotten out of the pool. James Bond takes out his gun… but waits.

“Care for a drink, Mr. Bond?” Javier asks.

“Don’t mind if I do,” Bond says, slipping out of his pants.

I mean… come on!!! This next Bond film is going to be AWESOME.

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Photos courtesy of WENN.

 

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22 Responses to “Will Javier Bardem be James Bond’s latest (homoerotic) nemesis?”

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  1. anti says:

    they’d make a great couple!

  2. Rita says:

    Certainly Mr. Javier butt shake it, not stirred.

  3. Quest says:

    @ Kaiser, you should write a romance novel:

    “the idea of Daniel’s lips traveling down Javi’s thick, muscular frame… as Javi’s head leans back, a look of pain and pleasure crossing his face at once.”

    Excuse me, I need a shower

  4. Circe says:

    Kaiser, if you haven’t seen it already, you really have to watch Before Night Falls.

  5. lola says:

    i love your bond movie. it’s awesome.

  6. Maritza says:

    Uh, no, not with my Javier, sorry he is all macho man.

  7. Coco says:

    Kaiser, Javier is my “lover”. My lover is NOT GAY! You are going to have recast this one…pretty please!

  8. sure says:

    Javier Bardem is an ARROGANT BASTARD!

  9. jessica says:

    Quest… lol (#3)…. ROFL!!!

  10. Quest says:

    Neither of them are Gay – it’s all fun, but casting Javier and Craig in Bond would be absolutely, positively AWESOMELY – HOTT!!!

  11. TheresaZ says:

    I love this idea, Bardem was an awesome villain in No Country.

    BTW your fan fiction, very spicy! = )

  12. Feebee says:

    Yes please, let’s make Javier’s villian character gay, like Power Bottom gay… and James Bond has to go deep, deep undercover in order to get his man. Then he’ll shoot him and M will disappointedly say “but we needed him alive Bond!”

  13. KLO says:

    it would be insane.
    :D

    oh my god.

    rawwrr

    My cheeks hurt from approvingly giggling at your erotic fiction, Kaiser

  14. beth says:

    oh gawd, i hope homoerotic tensions surface between the characters – and is stretched to snapping point – hopfully javi’s character is gay or bi, and is hott for bond, but is also exasperated by this conflict of desire because bond is so damn getting in the way…. so he tries to seduce bond to weaken him…. AND HE SUCCEEDS :D
    damn, i wish they would also throw in jon hamm who must be required to remain half-naked (wrapped in a towel only, boxer shorts only, half-covered by a blanket only, wearing a pair of jeans, front slightly unzipped….et al) throughout the entire film. damn.

  15. Matt says:

    Lol Kaiser! Neither of them are gay, but it is fun to dream!

  16. jen34 says:

    Ooh, I would love it too, Kaiser. And to think you planted the seeds….

  17. Jujube says:

    Javier probably didn’t take the role in “Money never sleeps” because that movie SUCKED. He and Vigo are the ONLY really hot movie stars.

  18. Hakura says:

    I’ve never been into the bond films, but that little bit of fanfiction might force me to get in on this next one. ^_~

  19. Chris says:

    It’ll be interesting to see if he can bring the same menace to the role that he brought in NCFOM.

  20. archiepelago says:

    Lol’d at a quote on wwtdd.com that said “Javier Bardem should play Jeffrey Dean Morgan in a film about Raul Julia”. Not sure why it gave me the giggles.
    I recently watched Eat Pray Love which I expected to hate but actually kinda loved and Javier is droolworthy.

  21. beth says:

    i think javier could be bi if he wanted to – he seems capable of putting love for someone above their gender – he just chose penelope because he happened to have fallen in love with her.

    also, even if he’s not gay, its nice to pretend he is, if anything, for the sheer pleasure of being able to imagine two or more men you’re hot for, naked, and manhandling each other with much gusto.

    men think women will break, so they never handle them as roughly, so we never get to see them do it that way with a woman.

    actually, its just nice to see two or more really hot men naked, whatever they’re doing… ;-)