Is Katie Holmes “devastated” by Tom Cruise’s “sexy” W mag rock star shoot?

Katie Holmes

After yesterday’s horrific display from Katie Holmes in the unfortunate skirt/fug booties combo department, I’m almost grateful to return to recycling a photo from Katie’s recent walk of depression and broken promises, which goes right along with a new story from the Enquirer, which isn’t so much Katie’s actual reaction to Tom Cruise’s latest rock star antics on the cover of W magazine but how certain “sources” imagine that she’ll feel after seeing her husband frolicking with two busty blondes, one of whom feigns reaching down Tom’s pants. Pretend for a moment that you are Katie gazing upon this image.

Tom Cruise

If nothing else, this story is a wonderful exercise in anti-Xenu fan fiction because it paints Katie as a jealous, spurned wife when nowhere in reality, fantasy, or contractual existence has Tom ever preferred a “busty blonde” as his “type.” Actually, I’m not sure what his type is, for it’s impossible to draw any significant parallels between Mimi Rogers, Nicole Kidman, and Katie. But busty blondes? Forget about it. Tom is not interested, and he definitely didn’t get a boner when one one of the blondes let a boob slip out during the implied beej part of the shoot.

Tom Cruise

Still, this Enquirer story is almost worth it for the giggle factor involved in Katie’s fictionalized reaction and the made-up quotes about the supposed crush that one of the blondes has on Tom. Bitch, please.

They are the photos that will drive Katie Holmes wild with jealousy and tear the couple apart — hunky, tattooed Tom Cruise stripped to the waist and lying in bed flanked by two busty blonde models, one topless and nuzzling his naked chest!

In a bombshell world exclusive, The ENQUIRER has learned the 49-year-old actor’s controversial pictorial in the June issue of the fashion magazine W is sure to provoke a bitter battle with his 33-year-old wife.

It will make no difference to Katie that the photos are a promotion for Tom’s upcoming fim Rock of Ages, say sources. The pictures are ultra-steamy, the models are ultra-hot, and she’s been stuck alone in New York caring for daughter Suri as Tom films movie after movie.

“Katie will be devastated by the erotic and explicit nature of the pictures,” said a close source. “And how can she not be terrified Suri will eventually see them? It’s certain to spark a shocking blowup between them!”

Cruise is featured on the cover of the magazine and on an inside spread as his movie character — fading heavy metal rock legend Stacee Jaxx. He posed in hot guitar hero mode — sporting hair extensions and makeup while chugging down on a whiskey bottle. There is a fake fire-breathing dragon tattoo on his chest and another of two guns down by his belt.

[From Enquirer, print edition, June 9, 2012]

I know that a few of you actually liked Tom’s catatonic stare in the W mag photo shoot, but no one went so far as to describe it as an “ultra-steamy” set of photos, right? Tom is just so asexual and anticeptic that the idea that he’s even vaguely erotic in these photos is rather hilarious, and I don’t think Katie would actually ever be jealous of him rolling around with a couple of blondes when it merely means that Tom’s working to keep her shopping budget intact.

The Enquirer has a lot of fun with this story though and elaborates about how model Abbey Lee Kershaw delighted in rubbing up against Tom’s “impossibly ripped abs while trailing her fingers seductively into his leather pants” and, in another shot, Abbey Lee “thrusts her breasts against his bare torso and nuzzles his chest” while the other model (Edita Vilkeviciute) “places a bottle of Jack Daniel’s on his crotch.” The Enquirer also talks to marriage “experts” who describe Katie’s alleged furious reaction as “understandable” and that further alleged humiliation will follow since W is a fashion bible, and Katie will “feel as if she’s been made the laughingstock of the fashion world” while she’s struggling to launch the Holmes & Yang line. If anything, Katie should be even more embarrassed by her busted clothes than by her ridiculous husband. Let’s be realistic though — she probably doesn’t care at all about Tom dispassionately staring off into the distance while two blondes make pawing motions for the camera.

Even more amusing is the Enquirer’s description of how Abbey Lee supposedly has the hots for Tom (and his stomach) now after their not-sexy shoot: “Word has gotten around the modeling industry that Abbey thought the shoot with Tom was one of the hottest she’s ever done” because “she said that she couldn’t get over Tom’s ripped chest.” LOL.

Meanwhile, Bret Michaels is convinced that Tom has modelled his very serious Stacee Jaxx after him. Here’s a tiny story from this week’s In Touch:

Bret Michaels had some serious deja vu upon seeing Tom Cruise as Stacee Jaxx in the movie musical Rock of Ages (out on June 15). “Tom’s cowboy hat, bandanna, tattoos, energy and Rock of Love backstage style are pure Bret with a mix of Axl Rose!” the Poison front man tells In Touch. It’s no coincidence, as Tom got a few lessons from Bret himself. “We hung out on the set in Miami and spent time looking at footage of my stage show from Tampa,” he explains. Already a fan, he’s now a Tom groupie. “Even though the part is over-the-top, he took getting it right seriously — he has rock-star intensity,” Bret gushes. “He’s one of the coolest people I’ve ever met!”

[From In Touch, print edition, June 9, 2012]

Really? I don’t see Bret in Tom’s version of Stacee Jaxx. If anything, I’m mostly seeing a Jon Bon Jovi/Richie Sambora thing going on. With some really gross abs and a very serious attitude. Because Tom’s a cowboy. On a steel horse he rides.

Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise

Katie Holmes

Photos courtesy of Pacific Coast News and W magazine

 

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

130 Responses to “Is Katie Holmes “devastated” by Tom Cruise’s “sexy” W mag rock star shoot?”

Comments are Closed

We close comments on older posts to fight comment spam.

  1. Eleonor says:

    Oh Bret every rockstar in the ’80s had a bandana and cowboy hat PLEASE.

  2. Jennifer says:

    He’s gay, the marriage is a cover up, she couldn’t care less. Suri’s father is a slerm donor. There, I said it!

  3. Mari says:

    Does he have ab implants…?

  4. Trish says:

    he is so short…knowing that ruins any sexiness he ‘may’ have….. he looks ridiculous as a rock star….ick……

  5. Agnes says:

    i feel sad for anyone who finds these photos “sexy” or “steamy”. hahaha. (and those models are NOT “busty”…)

  6. I.want.shoes says:

    She might have been devastated if

    a) she still bought the dream of a fairy tale marriage;
    b) the two blonds where males

  7. ZZZ says:

    OMG! LMAO! This is HILARIOUS! They can’t be serious!!! Does he write this crap himself?

  8. Rice says:

    Why does Katie’s sweater look like a strait-jacket?

  9. Ellie66 says:

    What in gay hell is wrong with his um abs? Tom is about as sexy as toast ( cold whitebread toast) lol!

  10. Elise says:

    She would only be “devastated” if the checks stopped clearing. Greedy, stupid stupid woman.

    This is comedic gold cooked up by Tom’s camp or the movie publicists. He is so repellant in absolutely every way that I have to scroll past the photos to avoid looking at them. And you know he probably pitched a fit insisting on these ridiculous, “sexy” mag covers/stories for this movie.

  11. Rhiley says:

    In a video of Tom’s W magazine interview,there is a moment in which he talks about demanding the monkey be in the movie, and he becomes so intense and crazy eyed, he almost looks like Rasputin. It is both funny and disturbing and is more evidence that Tom Cruise just ain’t right.

  12. Quinn says:

    Truly, he is the antithesis of sexy. He doesn’t even strike me as gay…just completely asexual. Even in his prime, my 11 year old self wondered why Kelly McGillis didn’t want Iceman instead. (And those abs are made of surgical grade plastic, not steel.)

  13. Chatcat says:

    If Katie is devastated about anything it should be what a stupid greedy bitch she was when she got sucked into a relationship (or whatever you want to call it) with Tommygirl. Nothing worst then being mad at yourself.

  14. SnarkySnarkers says:

    Suri is looking more and more like Chris Klein everyday. Its craziness! Also, does anyone else feel like Scientology is a haven for Hollywood’s closeted gay men? *cough* Jon Travolta *cough*

    Tom has always set off my gaydar. I think Scientology cranks these “jealous wife” stories out once in a while to throw us off the trail.

  15. DeltaJuliet says:

    Those “abs” are ridiculous. Who has defined abs and no definition in their pecs AT ALL? And whose abs even look like that?

  16. Talie says:

    She has been looking like hell lately and I totally think it’s just to piss him off.

  17. Jen34 says:

    I can’t look at photos of him in this film role without snickering. He looks so over the top foolish.

  18. cupidtyrox says:

    Everyone seems to forget that Tom & Penelope Cruz were married.

  19. Relli says:

    “Tom is just so asexual and anticeptic that the idea that he’s even vaguely erotic in these photos is rather hilarious,”

    YES, YES and YES.

    These pictures make me feel kind of sorry for him.

    • Ruffian9 says:

      Totally agree. I also think he looks uncomfortable as HELL in the photo with the two women. Sorry TC, (still) not buying it.

      • MommaK18 says:

        There’s absolutely nothing sexy about Tom Cruise in these photos. He is soooo asexual. He truly is. It’s pretty laughable.
        Ahhh long gone are the days when he was sexy in his Top Gun days….

        I don’t know what he was trying to prove….but he’s missing every mark.
        Maybe he wanted an excuse to wear tons of makeup and have long hair???
        Maybe he didn’t want to go the same route as John Travolta by doing Hairspray, but this is the next best thing???

        Give it up Tom…your Scientology mess has ruined you.

  20. gg says:

    I can’t get over the cartoon tatts. The dragon tail wrapped around his pink nip is cracking me up. I could be offbase here, but something tells me no self-respecting straight man would ever get real tatts highlighting his nip. I know this is for a role, but it’s distracting.

    Also, I get that they had to put something large on his lower half for those instances when he’s not sucking his bit of a paunch in all the way (imagine what he looks like au naturel – a very broad canvas we have here – must obfuscate), but the oversized pistols look very comic book and make me lmao. Perhaps they are meant to make him look silly. If so, it’s workin!

  21. sarahtonin says:

    Devastated with laughter perhaps.

    Isn’t it the most ridiculous article? For one, no one gets jealous about a photo shoot, and two, I think she respects him about as much as we do now.

    Slow news day at the enquirer or do they really think we believe this stuff?

  22. hollyjo says:

    Those are the weirdest abs I have ever seen. So unattractive.

  23. Bellachai says:

    I can see in Tom’s head he is the spitting image of Bret Michaels but Xenu please, all he did was put on some temporary tattoos, makeup, some extensions and lifts. That is some quality acting right there!

  24. Nina says:

    His nipples are terrifying. Nipples of DOOM.

  25. sup says:

    oh why would she be jealous of it? actors do fake-sexy scenes for movies all the time. it even has a place in theatre. i call this story bs.

  26. Madchen says:

    Wrong adjective. Substitute “mortified” for devastated.

  27. FreeSpiritedGirl says:

    I guess Katie is depressed about not being part of Hollywood anymore. Here I mean she might be depressed or sad about not doing movies anymore.

  28. Lorri says:

    Katie needs to throw those fug booties in the garbage PRONTO!!!

  29. Rory says:

    Gawd, she used to be so pretty! Now she just looks vacant and like she’d rather be somewhere else.

  30. DeltaJuliet says:

    I think maybe they meant to say “embarassed”

  31. barb says:

    He does have intensity, that’s for sure, and it comes across onscreen. Why on earth would Katie care? She gets the whole publicity thing. She’s probably laughing her ass off. His abs do look weird though…not sure what’s going on there.

  32. A-Rod says:

    I think we were all devastated when we saw this s&@!show photoshoot. That something this ridiculous is allowed to exist shakes my faith in humanity.

  33. BELLA says:

    I`M DEVASTATED AT HOW STUPID HE LOOKS…. HOW EMBARRASING !!

  34. lucy2 says:

    LOL at the super fake abs. And at whoever is pushing this article and trying to sell the idea of him being sexy and Katie being jealous. She’d only have reason to be concerned if theirs was a real marriage and those models were male.

  35. Bobby the K says:

    The broad on the right could be one of the marx brothers.

    Tommy should be in a movie where he plays a super creepy guy, but wears clown make up. Tommy in clown make up and sharp teeth. Getting revenge on average size men and women.

    His torso is runty and for some reason he worked his abs more than his pecs, seems to prefer sit ups.

  36. bluhare says:

    You have no idea how I wish that Stacy Jaxx was in a “hair band”, so Cruise would have had to get extensions to flip his hair around. It would have been great comedy.

    And, Tom? If you’re going to do the sticking out the tongue in between your fingers thing? At least get your eyes right. You make it look sort of . . . limp.

  37. Jilliterate says:

    Well, if nothing else, watching this is certainly entertaining. And since the contract is supposedly up and Katie’s just collecting some extra cash during the Rock of Ages promotions, I feel like they’re trying to plant the seeds for the upcoming divorce now. I can see it: “CRUISE-HOLMES DIVORCE SHOCKER! SURI IN TEARS! KATIE SAYS ‘I JUST CAN’T TAKE YOUR WOMANIZING ANYMORE!’” Get your popcorn, it’s going to be a hell of a ride.

    I really enjoy picturing Tom as Tobias from Arrested Development: blatantly gay and completely clueless. “Well, off I go to have heterosexual intercourse with my wife!” “Ooh, I can taste those meaty leading man parts in my mouth!”

  38. HappyJoyJoy says:

    Are those muscle implants? Dood’s stomach looks like a ninja turtle’s shell. EEEEEKKKKK!!

  39. jojo says:

    I agree Suri looks like the scientology guy, but why doesn’t Tom have any biological kids – he didn’t need to do the deed? Does he not have functional splooge?

    • Bored suburbanhousewife says:

      Mimi Rogers claimed he was shooting with blanks. He & Nicole adopted & it seems like that was his idea. Though there were stories Nicole was pregnant but miscarried when they divorced, many speculated Tom was not the father.

      • lisa says:

        I was always curious about that. That maybe Tom knew he couldn’t have kids. And if Nicole all of a sudden got pregnant then of course he would know it was no his child. But with the older children. It seemed as if Tom was the “adoptive” parent. That he was legally connected. Not Nicole. Which may explain why she has such a disconnect with the children.

        And Katie and Tom have not had another child. Suri is 6 years old now. That is a long time. I wonder about that too. I know not everyone wants a huge family, but Tom is almost 50. I would imagine he would want children sooner than later.

      • Val says:

        There were many stories way back that stated that he had testicular mumps as a kid and was left sterile. That’s supposedly why he and Nicole adopted.

  40. Billy says:

    Right, because she didn’t realize that she married an actor. This is what actors do. Hilarious, indeed!

  41. pwal says:

    On another note, does anyone else find the ROA TV spots desperate, specifically the ads selling it as a movie for both men and women?

    Marketing it to women seems a bit ironic since some of the key 80s hair band figures were notorious misogynists who belittled any female (like Lita Ford and Heart) for having the audacity to take a place on the public stage.

  42. ZenB!tch says:

    almost forgot the question. If I were Katie (an actress married to an actor) and I was in a real vs. sham marriage, I wouldn’t even blink. It’s part of the job. They do totally naked sex scenes for goodness sake! They = actors not Tom Cruise (thank goodness)

  43. Dee Cee says:

    Why does he HAVE to marry when he has no time for a wife and family and is centralized, devoted and crazy in love with only himself in what ever iconic image he is emoting?

  44. Newtsgal says:

    Katie ain’t pissed about the models, she pissed that Tommygirls makeup is better than hers

  45. e.non says:

    oh man… i feel sorry for the make-up artist who had to apply those tats.. do you think cruise repeatedly broke down in giggles during the applications…lol

  46. Mimi says:

    Oh gawd ladies calm down! He looks hot! At least I think so, I just love him. And no I don’t give a F about the scientology crap. If you knew how twisted most Hollywood stars are, apparently you’d have no heroes because compared to other stars, Tom Cruise is a saint.

  47. Stephanie says:

    I will not see this movie.

  48. Bored suburbanhousewife says:

    I loved the Broadway show & I am so so sorry Hollywood HAD to ruin it by casting this has been psycho. Why isn’t he totally washed up — it seems everyone hates him now not just fans but movie insiders too

  49. mary simon says:

    lol@HappyJoyJoy – ninja turtle shell abs – you nailed it.

  50. Lotr Dork says:

    Those models are supposed to be busty? lol bitch please

  51. lisa says:

    Don’t know if he is Suri’s father.. nobody will ever know. But I did google him. Didn’t know Anne Archer was his mother. but this part of the article was interesting…
    *******************

    He’s Tom Cruise’s BFF.
    According to the Daily Beast’s Kim Masters, Davis spent nearly a decade as Cruise’s “personal, full-time, assigned Scientology handler.” Claire Headley, a former Scientologist who left the cult five years ago, tells Masters: “‘He filtered everything, reported on what [Cruise] was doing to [Church of Scientology leader] David Miscavige.’ Officially, Davis was assigned to the church’s president’s office in the Celebrity Centre, she continues, but he was essentially with Cruise full-time from the late 1990s until 2005.” Davis worked intimately with Miscavige on the deeply strange Tom Cruise tribute video that was leaked to Gawker last year.

  52. Palermo. says:

    I read that both of those models are 5’11″, so they must have old Tommy standing on a realllllly big box LOL

  53. Bobby the K says:

    No, really. The ‘busty’ talent on the right looks a lot like Zeppo.

    http://i.imgur.com/LRzUd.jpg

  54. ria says:

    He looks rather awkward and uncomfortable with those girls. Send in the men instead to hang all over his body, methinks he would like it soooooo much more.

  55. Ally says:

    It’s a bit the same problem as Michelle Williams playing Marilyn — his vibe is too asexual to play a character like this.

    • lisa says:

      I agree on this. Michelle never gave me the Marilyn vibe. And yes for the reason you said. I don’t see her as a woman that men are going mad for. She doesn’t bring the sexy to me. And no neither does Tom. I actually think Tom is attractive. But there is something missing. I can name a few actors that I feel the same about. But I’m sticking to the topic.

      • Bambi says:

        I’m with you on the “attractive but something is missing” feeling. I’ve never, ever had any abiding interest in Tom Cruise, and yet objectively I think he’s a handsome man, and not even in a generic way– his face has character. But it’s like he’s a cardboard cut-out or something. Hard to explain.

  56. Jdao says:

    Sigh those guns are just ridiculous.

  57. Sienna says:

    His midsection looks gross and boxy. Men should have some kind of waist definition too you know… And those ‘abs’ are disgusting too. He looks old and weird with the makeup and hair. Ew.

  58. lisa says:

    I just saw his interview on EXTRA. Tom wants the Oscar for this. He blushed when he was told he would get nominated. I can tell. He is very excited and fans and none fans better get ready for the HUGE promotion. He said he discovered when taking his 5 hours a day voice training that he has a 4 octave range.

    This is going to be interesting.

  59. Hmm says:

    She really does dress as boring and awkward as her Joey Potter character on Dawson’s.
    I’ve been watching the seasons on Netflix.
    I never realized how many Tom Cruise references that are made on Dawson’s Creek. Weird……

  60. Bambi says:

    Does she have an assistant scour Marshall’s and TJ Maxx for those outfits?

    Honestly, it’s hard to find clothes that frumpy in New York City unless you’re really on a mission.

  61. Maria_Spain says:

    Tom Cruise sexyest moment was in tropic thunder for me -_-

  62. skuddles says:

    I’m sure Katie is only upset about Tommy stealing all her makeup…

  63. Belle Epoch says:

    I had not heard of Tommy Davis so I googled his picture. It’s like looking directly at Suri!

    Plenty of kids have adoptive fathers… But usually they are told they are adopted, and usually the birth father is not involved by turkey baster. Davis must have signed some “no contact” agreement, which will haunt Suri when she’s older.

    This girl is so rich, and so screwed. She can’t even go to “regular” school to see what normal looks like.

  64. Holden says:

    Holy shit, I think Suri’s drunk in that last picture too!