Words you never want to hear again: Postal Worker Stalker. Unfortunately for Colin Firth, he’s hearing these words again.

The 45-year-old postal worker was arrested after she begged her bosses to let her deliver to the £2.5 million home of the 46-year-old actor in leafy Chiswick, west London.

The woman is also understood to have posted fake accounts of meeting her idol on an internet site for fans of Firth, perhaps best known for his role as Mr Darcy in the BBC adaptation of Pride And Prejudice.

Firth, who lives in Chiswick with his 37-year-old wife Livia, became a sex symbol and gained an army of female fans after emerging from a lake in skintight breeches in the 1995 Beeb version of the classic Jane Austen novel.

Staff at the obsessed fan’s depot are understood to have raised the alarm after she applied to swap delivery routes with a colleague.

A pal of the actor, who asked not to be named, said: “Colin is normally very at ease with his fans, but he was aware one woman was veering closer to obsession.”

Life Style Extra

Some reports suggest this isn’t the first time the postal worker has been arrested for the stalking.

If I had a stalker, which is highly unlikely given that I have never emerged sexily from a pond in a wet white shirt and tight breeches, I would be really worried that they had been cautioned twice. And that they continued to be employed by the Royal Mail. Where they might be able to touch my mail, or even do something unsavoury to it. Actually, any postal worker could probably do that. I wonder if they do?

Colin Firth is currently filming Mama Mia the musical movie, where he plays a British banker who might be homosexual. He’ll be warming up his pipes, singing the hit music of ABBA, to tell the tale of a bride-to-be who is unsure of the identity of her father. The potential candidates for fatherhood are Colin, Pierce Brosnan, and Stellan Skarsgård. Which is a combination I doubt we’ll ever see in a real life paternity battle.

I wonder if singing the hit music of ABBA would be enough to put off a potential stalker? I think a compulsion to burst into ABBA songs would be a deal breaker in many relationships.

Colin Firth is shown below with his wife, Livia Giuggioli, in 2005.

Photoshop composite from Planet Hiltron

Getting coked up, commandeering an SUV, engaging in a high speed chase, and having police draw their guns on you are just part of an average evening out for Lindsay Lohan, but it turns out the people being chased weren’t such big fans of the whole experience. The passenger is the car Lohan hunted down last month has filed a lawsuit against the sorta actress. Praise Jebus! I wonder if you can get served at a rehab facility?

“Lindsay Lohan was sued Tuesday for assault and negligence by a woman who was a passenger in a car the actress is accused of chasing while under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Lohan ‘put me through one of the most frightening experiences of my life,’ Tracie Rice said in a statement after the lawsuit was filed in Los Angeles County Superior Court.

“’What Miss Lohan did that night was extremely dangerous and reprehensible. Someone could easily have been killed or seriously hurt because of her irresponsible decisions that evening,’ Rice said. The lawsuit also alleges intentional infliction of emotional distress. It seeks unspecified damages and also payment of medical and other expenses related to emotional distress.”

[From the Associated Press]

Not that a coked-out, crazed Lindsay Lohan isn’t infliction of emotional distress in and of herself, but thanks to Lohan’s unbalanced and dangerous behavior, they all ended up with guns pointed at them. That’s certainly traumatizing.

“The lawsuit doesn’t provide a reason for the chase. However, two men who claim they were unwilling passengers in the car driven by Lohan have said she was upset with the daughter of Michelle Peck. Peck was driving the vehicle carrying Rice. Rice ‘was convinced that their lives were in danger and that they had to outrun the pursuing car or they might be killed,’ the lawsuit said.

“Peck finally drove through a barricade and into the parking lot at the Santa Monica Civic Center next to police headquarters and the sport utility vehicle followed, the lawsuit said. Rice got out and ran toward police officers and saw a woman, who turned out to be Lohan, run from the SUV toward her, she contended. ‘Police officers approached all of them with guns drawn,’ the lawsuit said. Lohan was arrested a short time later.”

[From the Washington Post]

That must have been incredibly frightening, and I’m very sorry Ms. Rice had to go through that. But I have to admit the thought of a bunch of cops pointing their guns at Lindsay is the least she deserved that night. I hope it scared her like she scared all those passengers and motorists. I wonder how many of the other people involved that night will sue her? It seems like they’ve all got a pretty good case against her. Rageaholic actress steals car with two passengers already in it, refuses to let them out, chases the mother of her former assistant through L.A. at high speeds, and ends up getting arrested and testing positive for alcohol and drugs. I’m no lawyer, but considering Lohan’s well documented destruction, I’m guessing they’d all have cases. I really hope she gets served in rehab. She needs to actually understand that there are real consequences for her actions. Plus, the image of Lohan scrubbing toilets while being given legal papers will help me sleep a little better tonight.

Just when you think life couldn’t suck for Michael Jackson anymore than it already does: surprise! He’s being sued again! In fact two completely separate lawsuits involved completely unrelated issues were filed within two days of each other. Several years ago I remember reading that at any one point, Michael Jackson has three lawsuits pending against him. This was during his molestation trial, and I remember thinking that number was an exaggeration – but now I’m pretty sure it’s dead on. First up to bat this time around are a team of Michael’s former lawyers… you know, the very guys that have to deal with his constant lawsuits. Turns out, the Gloved One doesn’t really think he needs to pay for things, including legal services. Besides Jesus Juice, I can’t think of anything Michael goes through more of than lawyers. The Los Angeles law firm of Lavely & Singer has sued Michael for $113,000 the singer has failed to pay. The firm had sent up a payment plan to help Jackson settle up his bill of $540,000, but even then he failed to make the last payment.

“Several lawyers who worked for Michael Jackson claim “Jacko” hasn’t paid the money he owes them.

“A lawsuit filed in Los Angeles County Superior Court claims Jackson owes the law firm of Lavely & Singer $113,750, the Web site tmz.com reported. Even after setting up a payment plan to pay off the debts, Jackson failed to do so, according to the lawsuit.

“This is not the first time Jackson has been accused of not paying his legal bills. The same Web site reported in June that a Delaware-based law firm sued Jackson. Lawyers claimed he owed them nearly $110,000. The Web site reported that the Delaware firm acted as general counsel for Jackson in a lawsuit where a concert promoter sued Jackson, saying he backed out of two New Year’s Eve concerts in 2000.

“On July 17, 2007, the Web site showbizspy.com reported that Jackson was ordered to pay more than $256,000 in outstanding legal bills associated with part of his defense in the child molestation charges in 2005. The Web site reported that Jackson’s attorney agreed in principle to the judgment because going to trial would be costly for his client.”

[From NBC affiliate wyff4.com]

Has Michael Jackson paid for anything since around 1992? I think he’s just relied on the kindness of others, and people’s assumptions that he’ll pay them back. Look, a guy with his own Tilt-a-Whirl is not reliable folks. Even Michael’s former friends are suing him. Remember how he escaped to Bahrain after he was acquitted of child molestation? Well the Prince Abdullah - who so generously put him up – has filed a lawsuit against Jacko as well. Abdullah showered Jackson with gifts during his stay. According to Fox News, “He housed him, fed him, chauffeured him and even imported Jacko’s friends to Bahrain for a special Christmas in 2005.” What did the Sheik want in turn for is kindness? To make a record – and Jackson agreed.

“All the prince wanted in return was to make a CD and start a record company with Michael. Jackson agreed, as usual signed agreements he had no intention of keeping and then did no work. You may recall Two Seas Records, the joint venture that Jackson agreed to, for example.

“Now the prince is demanding in his lawsuit that Michael go to work for him as agreed. Abdullah expects Jackson to make his record and put it out so the prince can begin to recoup the millions he invested in Michael during their friendship. Fat chance.

“Jackson hasn’t worked at anything in years — no performing, no recording. Occasionally, he announces that he is making some kind of record, but so far there’s no evidence of this.

“That Jackson is now being sued — in London, no less — by his former benefactor is a bad sign for the singer. He has depended on the kindness of Arab billionaires for some time now, but between this and what seems to be his current nomad status, he may have exhausted his credit in the last place where it still existed.”

[From Fox News]

I guess there’s no point in commenting on the crazy that is Michael Jackson. It’s all been said. I think the guy has pretty much burned all his bridges. For years Michael’s family and lawyers have talked about how often people try to take advantage of him. It seems he’s pretty good at taking advantage of everyone else, too.

Thanks to SplashNews for this picture.

Jennifer Lopez has been awarded a total of $545,000 against her first ex-husband, Ojani Noa. Noa had written a book (with the help of a ghostwriter) about Lopez titled, “The Unknown Truth: A Passionate Portrait of a Serial Thriller.” The book was never published due to an injunction Lopez filed immediately upon learning of the book. However the book was going to reveal some details embarrassing to Lopez.

“Among the revelations purportedly made in the ghost-written book, according to media accounts, was that Lopez had multiple affairs during her brief marriage to Noa, including one with salsa-singer Marc Anthony, Lopez’s third and current husband, while he also was married to someone else.

“Anthony and Lopez, 38, married in June 2004, just days after he was divorced from Dayanara Torres, a Puerto Rican model and beauty queen, and five months after Lopez broke off her much-publicized engagement to actor Ben Affleck.”

[From the Associated Press]

Lopez and Noa had signed a nondisclosure, “non-disparagement” agreement during an earlier legal settlement. It was the violation of that agreement that won Lopez the $545,000 - $200,000 in damages for breach of contract, and $348,000 in attorneys’ fees and arbitration costs - along with a permanent injunction against Noa which prohibits him from disclosing any intimate details from their relationship. Noa originally offered not to publish the book if J-Lo agreed to pony up $5 million. Extortion anyone?

The previous legal agreement involved Lopez’s restaurant Madre’s, which she started in 2002 and hired Noa to run – well after their divorce. You’d think that meant they were okay with each other, right? Well six months later Noa was fired, and it was under the settlement of a lawsuit he brought against her that he agreed to keep his trap shut about the famous diva. Too bad, because he apparently he had some good details. Celebitchy reported that Noa claimed J-Lo would go all voodoo on her enemies amongst other crazy things.

I have to say, if I Ojani Noa, sitting around thinking to myself, “What can I do to improve my cash flow?” Writing a tell-al about J-Lo would not be my first plan of action. Even if there wasn’t an injunction. She’s crazy, and if he believes any of the stuff he wrote about her, he shouldn’t be too surprised if he finds some dead possums hanging from his doorway or something. Considering his biggest claim to fame was marrying J-Lo for forty-five minutes and managing her restaurant, I’m guessing $545,000 takes a pretty serious chunk out of his savings. Hey Ojani Noa, from now on, be smart, and obey the J-Lo. You’re lucky she went after you with lawyers instead of an army of grenade toting bats.

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s J-Lo and Ojani Noa back in the day. Thanks to 1brokenheart.com. Header image is Jennifer Lopez at the “El Cantante” premiere in L.A.
Images thanks to PR Photos.