Criss Angel is definitely one of the easiest “celebs” to laugh at. Even calling him a celebrity isn’t accurate. He generally seems to annoy the crap out of people. Magicians as a whole don’t seem to garner a lot of respect, even the couple famous ones. David Blaine is a punch line for about 15 jokes on 30 Rock.

Criss takes himself pretty seriously, which is why it must really suck for him that his latest show is getting such atrocious reviews.

He may have scored a new lady in Holly Madison, but it looks as though the “Mindfreak” magician isn’t winning any new fans. Tarts has been told by several peeps that the only thing magically disappearing during Criss Angel’s new collaboration with Cirque du Soleil’s “Believe” is the audience.

The show officially premiered last Friday, but even through the preview runs the performance garnered quite a few boos and hisses and a lot of people have reportedly been getting up and leaving. We’ve even been flooded with complaints that Criss’ New Jersey accent makes it hard to hear.

“It was quite possibly the worst show I have ever seen,” one audience member said. “It’s boring. I’ve seen nudie shows with better production value. I was embarrassed for him.” Ouch.

Angel doesn’t seem to be letting the not-so-rave reviews hamper his happiness as he and Holly hit up PURE in Sin City on Tuesday night. According to an eyewitness, the twosome arrived around midnight and clung to each other on the plush VIP beds until the early hours.

[From Fox News’ Pop Tarts]

I feel mean but I really enjoy laughing at this guy. I’m not surprised his show is nothing special. And I don’t know why I like Holly Madison, but I do. And I really think she could do much, much better. Hell, dating a peanut would garner more respect. There are easily a thousand men and two thousand objects Holly could date that would be a better idea than attaching herself to Criss Angel. Seriously, that ripped apart tennis ball? More personality – and more talent – than Angel. Go date it Holly. It’s smarter, hotter, and will definitely make you happier in the long run.

Here’ s Holly and Criss at the Lionsgate premiere of ‘Repo! The Genetic Opera’ at Planet Hollywood in Las Vegas yesterday. Photographer: Judy Eddy Images thanks to WENN.

Before the facade of The Girls Next Door came down, Holly Madison and Hugh Hefner both denied that Holly was secretly dating illusionist Criss Angel. Holly said Angel was just a friend, and to trying to keep the news under wraps until he replaced her, Hef adamantly denied Madison could be dating anyone else. Now that Criss Angel and Holly Madison have gone public, I think it’s fair to say that was all another illusion.

Angel and Madison have been spotted kissing and snuggling over the last several weeks in Las Vegas, but remain somewhat coy about their relationship.

“This is one of the most special evenings for me in my life and I can not think of a more beautiful person, a more special person, inside and out, than Holly to spend it with,” Angel said on the opening night of his new Cirque Du Soleil show, “Believe,” in Las Vegas.

[From People]

This is another one of those celebrity hocouples that fit. They’re on the same lower celebrity rung so one can’t outshine the other. They make more sense than Angel and Cameron Diaz. Criss Angel really came off as looking like a fame whore in that relationship and some would say the same of Holly Madison with Hef. But that’s all the more reason why they’re ideal for each other. They’re both just famous enough to feed the whoring on either side, but not enough to be a threat to each other.

Criss Angel can give Holly money and the baby she wants, and she can give him arm candy and a smiley magician’s assistant to point and applaud. It’s a win/win situation. I think Mindfreak is awesome, I can’t help it, I like to be entertained by cheesy magic tricks I can’t figure out. Holly is my favorite Hefner girlfriend, too, although I can’t give you a specific reason why. The two of them are prime for a TV show together. E! would be all over it.

Photo credit: WENN

In response to Perez Hilton thinking he reported some kind of breaking news, celeb blog What Would Tyler Durden Do has opened a big can of worms and whoopass on him regarding Kendra Wilkinson and her relationship with Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Hank Baskett, and her lack of one with Hugh Hefner.

While no one was surprised to hear that Kendra isn’t a “real” girlfriend of Hef, it was greeted with general surprise that she was dating the 6′4″, 220 lb. football pro and that the two were dropping hints about it on their MySpace pages.  Since the cat was out of the bag, or the bunny out of the hat, as the case may be, WWTDD decided it was time to break their self-imposed silence on the sporty couple.  They’re not only dating, they’re engaged!

Perez is saying today that Kendra Wilkinson MIGHT be dating Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Hank Baskett, which just proves all his inside sources are nonsense because Kendra is engaged to Hank, and has been for some time.  Lots of people know this but everyone likes Kendra so no one was in a hurry to blow her up, me included.  But if their relationship is out there, you might as well know the whole story.  And, um, yeah, so I guess that was the whole story.  Amazing, wasn’t it?

What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Honestly, I can’t see Kendra in an adult relationship with anyone, but I can stretch it to see her attempting one with Hank Baskett alot easier than I can with Hefner.  There are times she seems genuinely grossed out when she has to show physical affection for him on Girls Next Door.  He’s never seemed overly enamoured with her, either.

WWTDD went on to debunk the rest of Perez’s “exclusive” that Holly, Hef’s #1, is cheating on the 82-year old Playboy founder with Criss Angel.  Holly is the only one who really seems to be showing Hef some bunny lovin’, and he’s rewarded her for it by finally putting her in his will, according to WWTDD. 

Way to hang in there, Holly, it’s all been worth it… hasn’t it?

Note by Celebitchy: I found the photo below on Kendra’s Myspace of her with Bassett. It was uploaded a couple weeks ago and is captioned: “haha catchin a wave with my partner in crime..lol” Kendra is shown looking like the odd one out at the House Bunny premiere on 8/20/08. Also shown are Holly Madison, Bridget Marquardt and Hugh Hefner. Credit: Albert L. Ortega / PR Photos

Pseudo-magician/professional skeezball Criss Angel, who has been linked to Britney Spears, Cameron Diaz, and Pamela Anderson, is reportedly dating a beauty queen, Miss Nevada Veronica Grabowski. When Veronica didn’t make the finals over the weekend for the Miss USA pageant, Poor widdle Crissy didn’t like it too much, and was spotted throwing a tantrum and threatening a TV critic.

CRISS Angel, the overrated Las Vegas illusionist who once “dated” Britney Spears for publicity, showed off a nasty temper by throwing a tantrum over the weekend when his girlfriend didn’t win the Miss USA contest. Shortly after Angel’s honey, Miss Nevada USA Veronica Grabowski, didn’t make the finals of the Miss USA pageant at the Planet Hollywood Resort, Angel - who flipped the NBC cameras the bird - wigged out when he saw Las Vegas Review Journal columnist Norm Clarke. Angel was ticked off that Clarke ran an interview with preliminary judge Sandy Mecca, in which Mecca claimed Angel exhorted her to give Grabowski “high marks.” Mecca said the comments made her uncomfortable and disturbed pageant owner Donald Trump. When Angel ran into Clarke after the show, he screamed, “You’re a [bleeping] idiot!” Angel then screeched at Clarke, who wears a patch over his right eye, “Don’t ever write another word about me or you’ll need an eye patch over your other eye.” “Good one,” Clarke shot back “Never heard that one before.” Angel’s rep told Clarke, “It was an emotional night for everyone.”

[From Page Six]

How does Criss Angel keep on getting TV shows, attractive women and attention? He’s a hack illusionist, and he’s butt ugly and has a lisp. If it weren’t for his poser “rocker” image, he’d be just another basement-dwelling dork who likes card tricks. His ego is completely out of control, and the day when people see through his shtick and forget all about him can’t come fast enough. If it’s true that he tried to bribe pageant judges, then his girlfriend got what she deserved. Hopefully she will dump his slimy ass when she realizes that he is doing anything but helping her career.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Criss Angel is shown with Miss Nevada below hosting an event at LAX nightclub on 4/11/08. He looks like he shaved off that beard over the weekend as the header is from 4/13/08 from a dinner benefit at Tao, thanks to WENN.

Sometimes you wonder how your life would have been if you had done things differently. If you had gone to a different college, if you had taken that other job, married that guy, got off your fat ass and worked a bit harder…

What would life be like now for Britney Spears if she had staged a successful comeback at the Video Music Awards? Criss Angel was going to get involved in the performance of Britney’s Gimme More single at the show, performing magic tricks arnd moving beyond her previous stage show. The Los Angeles Times asked him what he had up his sleeve.

“With Britney I presented concepts to create, within her performance, illusions that would happen in the open. You would see Britney and then she would split into two Britneys and then four Britneys with no boxes or covers. It would just be a visual effect using no screens. People in the past have used the art of magic in music performances but mostly in a cheesy way. Magic has not kept up with popular culture and technology.

“Other things I wanted to do with her was to literally transform her into birds and then for her to reappear in the audience. I also thought of having her levitate over the audience. It was going to be really visual moments that were all epic tableaux that were beautiful, artistic, elegant and, most important, unique — things MTV hasn’t seen in music. I wanted to captivate people in the moment. That was the essence of what I wanted to do with the Britney performance, because I think the performance she did with the snake was a highlight of her career and I wanted to trump that and I thought we had it.”

So, what happened?

“Britney is really strong with her own ideas. And what I had planned wasn’t an easy thing to do and would have required a lot of rehearsals. Ultimately, I told her I needed 100% commitment or I wasn’t going to be able to do this. I told her that, ‘You have to feel comfortable.’ So, we explored it and she decided it wasn’t for her, and I completely understand.”

Los Angeles Times

That Criss Angel idea sounds awesome - it’s a pity that she deemed it too much work. Kind of like turning up for a court appearance.

If this had taken place, and Britney pulled it off with such pizazz we all exclaimed “Girlfriend is back!” and catapulted her average sounding single to the top of the charts, would she still be the crazy lady we saw walking around in her wedding dress? Or has she been a little nutty all along and has her fall been inevitable from the day she appeared scantily clad in her high school uniform?

I know it is going to take more than just a hit single to cure her crazy, but maybe she just has an attention disorder and that would be a good way of getting some positive attention. This I say in my totally unqualified speculation.

I’d really love to see Brit stomp all over her craziness, get her shit together and go back to being that totally amazing performer she actually was. Remember when she was great?

Initial reaction on hearing that anyone is still willing to sleep with Britney Spears is usually shock, but then when that wore off I thought “these two make sense.” Now Cameron Diaz was too good for Criss Angel, but Britney Spears is just about his low-level speed. The two were seen holding hands and going up to a suite together at a Beverly Hills hotel last night. Since all it takes for Britney to take her panties off is a small amount of attention, you know that this guy didn’t have to perform even an entry-level card trick to get lucky:

Another night, another hookup for Britney Spears! Her latest conquest? Notorious womanizer Criss Angel, 39.

Cameron Diaz’s former fling was seen escorting the pop star inside the Tower Beverly Hills Hotel on Wednesday night, where the two held hands and headed up to a suite on the 11th floor.

Earlier this month, the 25-year-old singer had a topless hot tub romp with 21-year-old college student Matt Encinias at the Standard Downtown hotel.

[From US Weekly]

I would love to know what Britney is thinking lately. She’s involved in a very public custody battle with her ex husband and instead of let’s say - taking her kids to the zoo or to a park, maybe hiring some clowns to come over - she’s sleeping with a scumbag magician and not even attempting to hide it. It’s like she wants everyone to know that there are still people willing to have her.

Maybe she didn’t have custody of the kids that night, and maybe she’s just like “fuck it,” because there’s not much more she can do at this point apart from physically harming her kids or putting them on the railroad tracks to make people think she’s a bad mom. Yesterday I was defending her because sure she’s a shit mom, but her kids are not endangered and that doesn’t mean that anyone should step in and nab them from her. A custody battle is a different issue, and now I think she must want K-Fed to take her boys. She could have easily gotten laid discretely by driving farther out of town for a hook up. She is just a sad woman and it’s going to get even worse for her when K-Fed gets primary custody.

Thanks to INFDaily for the header image. Used by permission.

Joanne Sarantakos, the estranged wife of “illusionist” Criss Angel has claimed that he forced her to keep their marriage secret so as not to discourage female fans and that he emotionally abandoned her. She’s also claimed that he hasn’t paid her promised expenses. Oh, and that Cameron Diaz broke up their marriage.

Angel went on the attack over the weekend, refuting all of Sarantakos’ claims. He says he met Cameron in May, which by all public reports seems to be about accurate. Celebitchy reported that after escaping from a block of concrete in Times Square on June 5th, Angel said “I’d like to dedicate this escape to my girl ‘Trouble,’ a.k.a. Cameron. I love you baby. Have a safe trip to Europe for your Shrek tour.” Classy. I’m sure the promoters of “Shrek” really want to be associated with Criss Angel, and are so grateful for the free publicity. By many (though not all) accounts that was likely the end of their relationship. However it’s been widely reported that Angel and Sarantakos separated some time last year. That would make it pretty hard for Cameron Diaz to have split up their marriage. Sarantakos’s lawyer has threatened to subpoena Diaz and drag her into court over her relationship with Angel.

Angel’s response to his estranged wife’s allegations accuse her of doing whatever it takes to get more money.

Cameron is a good friend and an amazing person and to defame her and myself and paint her as the reason for my marriage’s demise is factually inaccurate, ridiculous and just plain wrong… It seems clear, and very unfortunate to me that Joanne and her attorney both hope that these false statements will provide my estranged wife, who has also been dating during this time, the financial windfall she is obviously seeking.”

[From E News]

Furthermore, he denies that he hasn’t supported her as promised.

She has had unlimited access to credit cards that I pay for. I have paid for her cell phone, her car, her gas, her car insurance, her health insurance, trips she has taken–even the smallest thing like her cat food,” he said. “Essentially, I have paid for her every expense. I have also paid for her housing the entire time.”

[From E News]

You really can’t argue with the cat food. What woman in her right mind would be all that upset if her husband slept with Cameron Diaz, as long as he paid for the cat food? Seriously, I don’t like Cameron Diaz even a tiny bit (she’s been reported as the rudest celebrity to fans for years now) but it doesn’t sound like she has much to do with this debacle. She got dragged into it, first by Angel to get him some publicity, and then by his estranged wife, to get her some money. All I can say is run, Cameron, grab that talking donkey and run to Duloc and get the hell away from all those crazy people.

Thanks to The Bosh for the header image.