Brad Pitt and George Clooney were supposedly both in NY filming Burn After Reading when they heard a production assistant talking about her depressed granny, whose refused to leave the house after the recent death of husband. George and Brad convinced the woman to take them to her granny thinking they could cheer her up. The rest sounds like a scene from a movie:

The next day, the girl knocked on Granny’s door - and the woman nearly fainted when she opened up and saw not one, but two Hollywood leading men grinning like idiots. George and Brad sat down for a quick cup of tea, then told her to go get herself dolled up - and walked her to hte hairdressers, where they spent half an hour gossiping with her pals and a gaggle of ga-ga gals, generously dispensing autographs, hugs and kisses.

[From the National Enquirer, print edition, Mike Walker’s column, October 8, 2007]

There’s no way this story is true, because if it was it would have been picked up by several news outlets and not just the National Enquirer. Pitt and Clooney supposedly went to a hair salon and schmoozed with the ladies for a half an hour! Someone would have blabbed and taken cell phone pics.

Plus that guy Mike Walker’s column in the Enquirer has a questionable hero story about a celebrity just about every week, many of which go unverified. I want to believe, though, because this story is just too good to pass up. The only thing it’s missing is a medical rescue in which Clooney and Pitt swoop in just in time to call paramedics as the old lady is having a stroke, saving her life with their excellent timing and dashing good looks.

Clooney did tell his girlfriend not to move after their motorcycle accident. That’s heroic enough for me.

Brad Pitt, who was raised as a Southern Baptist, has a pretty interesting interview in the upcoming issue of “Parade” magazine. He says that as he entered college, he began to doubt religion, and that doubt stays with him today. He says he believes in his family and the goodness of people, and that’s where he puts his faith. In a way, it helped him discover himself by really thinking about things. I know a lot of our commenters have said they don’t think Brad is very smart, and while I wouldn’t accuse him of secretly attending Mensa meetings, I think he’s got a lot more going on in his brain than most celebrities.

Now the head of Hollywood’s most famous family finds comfort in his partner Angelina Jolie and their four children, Maddox, 6, Pax, 3, Zahara, 2, and one-year-old Shiloh. “I still have faith in that,” he says. In the new issue of “Parade” magazine, Pitt discusses his evolution from college journalism student to actor to philanthropist. Is a run for office in his future? See interview excerpts below to find out…

On inequality:
“Whoever said all men are born equal never left his own backyard. I see people everywhere without opportunity. I want to help level the playing field.”

On whether his charity work is the result of his relationship with Jolie:
“That’s idiotic! I do it because I’m a member of the human race. In Africa you see people on the street dying from AIDS, children left without parents. We’re all cells of one body, with the same emotions and desires for our families–for a little dignity and a chance for a better life. Let’s focus on that! I believe in the founding principles of America. I want to fight for that. I know most Americans feel the same way.”

On whether he’ll ever run for office:
“Oh, my God! I never thought about it. I have no desire at this point. Maybe I serve better by not going through that door. George [Clooney] should do it! He’d be quite good. I think Ben Affleck should run.”

On being famous:
“When fame really hit me was when Legends of the Fall was released three years later. You get no warning about what celebrity is or how to deal with it. It’s sort of multitiered. The initial stage is feeling discombobulated and not up to the task. I didn’t understand the incessant attention when I went outside, the way people completely focused on me. It made me very uncomfortable.

On the paparazzi:
“I mean, yesterday Angie was taking Maddie off to school. There were 30 paparazzi outside. One guy sticks a video camera in Mad’s face, yelling, ‘Maddox! Maddox!’ He doesn’t get a response. He doesn’t know my boy. Mad is already savvy to this, unfortunately. But my 2-year-old dreads being anyplace there are cameras. It scares her. They’re all in her face. My kids are faced with this every day! It’s disgusting. So we’ve been run out of L.A., all the major cities. We just can’t live there. You don’t understand–this is the hunt, the hunt, the hunt! I thought it might be over a year ago. It’s gotten worse.”

On turning away from religion:
“I didn’t understand this idea of a God who says, ‘You have to acknowledge me. You have to say that I’m the best, and then I’ll give you eternal happiness. If you won’t, then you don’t get it!’ It seemed to be about ego. I can’t see God operating from ego, so it made no sense to me.

On the ways of the world:
“We’re basically all the same. There is so much focus on our differences. Again, this thing of ego—my high school is better than your high school! We forget that we all have the same feelings on any side of the world. Why can’t we find common ground instead of this obsession with our hatreds?”

[From Us Weekly]

While I may not agree with Brad on everything, it’s hard to deny that it sounds like he’s actually thought a lot of things through that many people never bother to wrestle with. I think Angelina has been a good influence on him in terms of charity, but he was a bit of a do-gooder before he met her, just a less public one. I think Brad’s still smarter and more caring than 9 out of 10 celebrities out there, and I hope he keeps up the good work.

Picture Note by Jaybird: Here’s Brangelina at the Assassination of Jesse James premiere on September 18th. Header image of Brad at the Clayton’ New York City Premiere on September 24th. Images thanks to PR Photos.

More details have come out about George Clooney’s motorcycle accident in New Jersey a week and a half ago. Clooney and his girlfriend of the moment, Sarah Larson, a 28 year-old former cocktail waitress were thrown from his Harley Davidson after a collision with a car.

A witness tells The National Enquirer that Clooney kept his cool and was careful to tell Larson not to move after the accident. This is key in the case of a potential spinal injury and if their injuries were worse Clooney’s advice could have saved her from being paralyzed:

“I saw the bike hit the curb, and then Clooney and girl hit the ground. If they hadn’t been wearing helmets, they would have been killed instantly,” eyewitness David Sciumbata told The Enquirer.

“They were pinned under the bike, and it looked like her leg had been crushed.”

David, a guitarist, watched the mishap from his front proch in Weehawken, N.J., around 3 p.m. on Sept. 21. He called an ambulance and then rushed to aid the couple.

“Clooney was clearly in pain, but he kept asking the girl about her spine,” David said. “He was afraid she might have been paralyzed.

“He tried to keep her clam. I heard him say ‘Please don’t move. You are going to be fine. I don’t want you to move your leg or your back.”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, October 8, 2007]

Clooney did absolutely the right thing. Medline says that “If you are in doubt about whether a person has a spinal injury, assume that he or she DOES have one” and that you should not move a person after an accident unless it is absolutely necessary as in the case of getting them out of a burning vehicle.

Both Clooney and Larson escaped from the accident with minor injuries after being treated at a nearby hospital. Larson suffered a broken toe while Clooney fractured a rib and had road rash.

Clooney was quite level-headed and smart to tell Larson not to move and to stay calm after the accident. As much as I like to rip on Clooney for being an incurable womanizer, he gets points for this one. There was a report in a NJ paper that claims he also told he loved her in the moments after the accident.

Clooney and Larson are still together, and she was seen hobbling outside of his hotel in NY on crutches for a night out on the town last night. In one picture he’s shown smoothing her hair or picking something off her face. Her eyes are closed and she’s clearly relishing the attention. Thanks to Splash News for those pictures.

Clooney is also shown in NY filming Burn After Reading. Thanks to PRPhotos.

A slightly injured George Clooney vowed not to replace his dearly departed pet pig, saying he was irreplaceable and that he’s too busy to care for an animal like that anyway:

He says, “You can’t replace a good pig like that. I’ve been down to the Carolinas to shoot this movie and then cutting and writing so I haven’t been home since January. And you can’t get a new pet when you’re on the road. Well you can - but people will talk.”

[From Starpulse.com]

Meanwhile Clooney and his flavor of the month girlfriend, Vegas cocktail waitress and former Fear Factor winner Sarah Larson, 28, attended the premiere of his new film Michael Clayton last night in NY. Larson hobbled in on crutches with her foot bandaged. Contrary to earlier reports, she did not break her foot, just a toe.

Clooney make a thinly veiled reference to his now perhaps slightly constrained hot sex life with Larson after their motorcycle accident in Weehawken, NJ on Friday. People Magazine quotes him as saying they were “just resting” and that “You don’t really want to rub or massage parts that are broken or anything.” Maybe he’s referring to the fact that he can’t rub her feet now. I’m guessing that’s part of Clooney’s regular foreplay scenario and he’s all too conscious of a deviation from the script.

Larson covered up a black eye with makeup at the premiere and despite her injuries it seems like this accident was a lucky break for her. She ate a scorpion on television for a measly $25k, surely she’ll accept a broken toe and black eye to insure that she gets the maximum publicity out of her relationship with fickle Clooney. From the way Clooney is standing apart from her, I bet she wouldn’t have scored a red carpet appearance with the lothario if it wasn’t for their motorcycle crash. He can’t replace his dear pig, his companion of 19 years, but women are a dime a dozen.

Clooney will not be charged or issued a ticket for his motorcycle accident. He was said to have told Larson “I love you” after they were hit. Maybe they’ll last, but I doubt it.

Thanks to PRPhotos for these pictures.

George Clooney, 46, and his new girlfriend Sarah Larson, a 28 year-old cocktail waitress and former Fear Factor winner that he met in Vegas, were in an accident on Friday when a car hit the motorcycle they were on. Clooney had a small fracture on one of his ribs and road rash while his girlfriend’s foot was broken. She also had some cuts on her face.

Clooney and his girlfriend were in Weehawken, NJ for some reason, and a car in the left lane is said to have tried to make a right turn and to have cut them off, causing the accident.
While Clooney says the other driver, a 27 year-old guy in a 1999 Mazda Millenia, sped up and tried to pass him before making a right turn, the other guy says that Clooney was trying to pass cars in the right lane and that’s what caused the accident.

Clooney’s girlfriend was taken to the hospital by ambulance while he followed on his bike. Both were treated in North Bergen, NJ at Palisades Medical Center.

People Magazine reports that Clooney is in NY filming a new movie, Burn After Reading. It is not known exactly what they were doing in Jersey.

Now that Clooney and his girl had a near-death encounter, maybe he’ll change his ways and actually commit to her longer than his three month cut off period. It’s possible he realizes that time is short and that he’s getting old.

I’m glad that they’re both ok and that they didn’t suffer more serious injuries. Motorcycles are a lot of fun and there’s a definite feeling of freedom that you get while riding, but they’re also incredibly dangerous and need to be handled with care.

Thanks to Splash News for the header image of Clooney with Larson in NY yesterday. She looks a lot prettier to me in that picture than in the earlier one I saw. Clooney is shown below on his motorcycle back in June. Here are more pictures of Clooney on his motorcycle.

There’s nothing I love more than a Top Ten list. Or Top Five, or whatever. My personal faves are Top Ten Hot Guys (accompanied by pictures of hot guys in no shirts) and Top Ten Holiday Destinations (accompanied by pictures of hot guys in no shirts on a beach.)

Anyway, Forbes has again excelled themselves with a rather complex list, of 40 Hot Cities for Singles. Then they’ve crowned a most eligible man and woman of the city. For example, George Clooney and Cameron Diaz are king and queen of Los Angeles singletons.

George Clooney, 46
Actor
Launched to fame on television’s ER, Clooney likes to dip into directing and producing in addition to acting. He’s an Academy Award and Golden Globe winner, and when not in Los Angeles, he is sometimes found at his home at Lake Como, Italy.

Cameron Diaz, 34
Actress
Former model Diaz is one of the few female film stars who can command as much as $20 million a picture, the amount she earned for co-starring in Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle.

Forbes

This is great, if you live in one of the 40 American cities named. Helps narrow down who you should be aiming for, and then if your best friend suggests the person in question is a little un-dateable, you can just say ‘But Forbes said they were!’

Of course, Ivanka Trump is the hottest single in New York City, and who would want Donald Trump as a father-in-law? George Clooney too, is the cliché of a bachelor, known only for his love of his pet pig, but we all want what we can’t have, don’t we?

Maddox Jolie-Pitt is said to love “uncle” George Clooney’s impression of restaurant owner Mr. Krabs from Spongebob Squarepants so much that he asked Angelina over and over to call the Oceans 13 set so he could hear him do it:

Maddox pestered Mom endlessly to phone the “Oceans 13″ set during filming - just so he could he “Uncle George” Clooney render his side-splitting impression of Maddox’s favorite TV star.. SpongeBob Squarepants! [Note by Celebitchy: author means Mr. Krabs, see below] The bit gives Maddox the giggles - and he always begs Uncle George for his impressive imitation of Mr. Krabs, owner of the Krusty Krab restaurant where SpongeBob works.

[From The National Enquirer print edition, Mike Walker’s column, January 12, 2007]

I didn’t know Maddox had bonded with Clooney like that. Maybe Clooney will school an adolescent Maddox in the fine art of pranking one’s castmembers and avoiding longterm relationships by sleeping with whomever’s closest at hand every six to eight weeks.

I just used this article as an excuse to make a cute composite image of Clooney, Maddox and Mr. Krabs.

Here’s a Krusty Krab training video. Mr Krabs comes in at about 2:15, and he does sound kind of like Clooney:

The Nickelodeon people also e-mailed me with this weird press release saying that kids can vote for the president of Bikini Bottom or something, which is basically a promo for three new episodes. The website is not up yet, though. Marketing people are always promoting stuff before it’s ready.

Fans sent six live potbellied pigs to George Clooney’s house after the news got out that he lost his beloved pet, Max, at the age of 19. Doctors were amazed that old Max lived so long, a full four years past his life expectancy. Max suffered from arthritis and was partially blind in his old age. In 2001 Clooney’s friend Tommy Hinkley ran over the pig, which seemed to recover well from the accident, and suffered just cuts on his back and a squashed nose.

Clooney kind of admitted that Max was the closest he’d get to a long term relationship, and the pig even slept in the same room as him. At the time of Max’s death, though, he said he wouldn’t get another pig. Clooney made sure that all the pigs sent to his house were adopted by loving families:

George Clooney’s grateful to fans who’ve overwhelmed him with condolences over the death of Max, his pet pobellied porker - but please, folks, stop sending replacements! Incredibly, six LIVE potbellied oinkers were delivered to his home by overzelous fans! George adored all the piggies, says an insider, but had to find loving homes for them all.

[From The National Enquirer print edition. Mike Walker’s column. January 22, 2007]

That’s kind of cute.

Here’s a picture of some potbellied piglets from the North American potbellied pig association. They urge people to be responsible when considering whether they want to take a potbellied pig into their home. It is usually a 15 year commitment, pigs require patience and caring, and the pig should be purchased from a reputable dealer. Potbellied pigs are considered to be affectionate and intelligent pets.

Oceans 12 was kind of a mess plot-wise, but the dialogue was good and the actors are so great you forget that films are supposed to make more sense. I would watch Clooney, Pitt and Damon sit around talking about anything. Throw in cool music and some heist scenes and I’m there.

Oceans 13 is scheduled for release on June 8, 2007:

Lindsay Lohan resolves to wear thong underwear to all funerals.

Britney Spears plans to make sure her children are properly secured in car seats before she drives under the influence.

Nicole Richie resolves to poop after she eats.

Paris Hilton resolves to quit being such a homebody and get out of the house more.

Angelina Jolie, in an effort to be taken seriously as an actress and humanitarian, plans to play the role of the princess in the new Mario Bros movie.

Madonna resolves to get more publicity for something she’ll figure out later.

Tom Cruise vows to quit exercising so hard and let himself go a little.

Matthew McConaughey vows to exercise shirtless outdoors at least once a week.

Christina Aguilera plans to be a bit more glamorous.

Victoria Beckham wants to lose those pesky last three pounds.

Jennifer Aniston plans to do a lot more cathartic yoga.

Nicole Kidman vows not to be the subject of any country songs.

Jessica Simpson vows to take some time off and relax.

Eva Longoria plans to speak her mind, or whatever comes to mind at the time.

Anna Nicole resolves to get blotto every day.

K-Fed resolves to get as much cash as possible in the divorce settlement and still come off as the good guy.

George Clooney vows to play the field in memory of his departed pig.

Thanks to my brother Mike for help with this list, some of which is humor, some obvious.