I cannot believe we’re still talking about Gerard Butler and Brandi Glanville’s alleged or not-so-alleged hookup last year. For the record, I believed (and still believe) that they boned at some point. I also believe that Gerard Butler bangs anything with two legs and a pulse (although amputee strange is still welcome), and that G-But probably doesn’t remember who or what he banged and how. Last week, Brandi talked about their “week long” hookup while she was on Watch What Happens Live – Brandi rated Gerard an “11 out of 10” in the love-making department. Then, a few days later, TMZ’s cameras caught up with Gerard and asked him about Brandi’s comments. His reply? “Who’s Brandi Glanville?”

So, was Brandi lying? Or did Gerard just “forget” Brandi’s name? God knows. Brandi went to RumorFix and gave them an exclusive statement: “He called me last night and told me he said it. He is upset because he is a private person. I don’t lie so I don’t really care.” She also tweeted, “I don’t lie. So he can suck it!” And now there’s ANOTHER interview. LynnNChicago, a self-proclaimed “Real Housewives Expert,” sat down with Brandi for an extensive interview – you can read the whole thing here. There’s a lot of stuff about RHOBH, but I couldn’t care less. What I found interesting was the Gerard Butler stuff:

Brandi did admit to having a week long fling with Gerard Butler, he later denied knowing who she was but he certainly got the name right when he repeated it twice. (after the reporter said her name vaguely and while barely breathing.)

It was interesting that when Andy questioned Brandi further, it turned out her fling was during last season’s filming, how did Bravo’s cameras miss that?

Brandi told me that she’s spoken with Gerard on the phone and have had numerous text messages, she’s apologized to him and if she could take it back she absolutely would. ”If there is one thing I regret and would take back, it’s that!” (telling the world about their week long fling) Brandi told me that when Andy Cohen asks you a question his eyes are like truth syrum.

“His eyes get really big and you have to tell him the truth.” she laughed.

“One thing I am not, is a liar, I said it and I can’t take it back.” Brandi told me. ”What am I going to do now, go back and say I lied about it? No, I’m not going to do that!”

It’s out there and Gerard is going to have to deal with it. You can only apologize so much then you have to move on. Gerard tried to deny he even knew Brandi by telling a TMZ reporter, “Who’s Brandi Glanville?” but it was pretty clear when he repeated it the second time that he knows exactly who Brandi is. He overplayed his hand a bit! Yes, he’s upset with Brandi but as I told her, he’ll get over it! Two consenting adults, both single, they did nothing wrong so why deny it?

[From LynnNChicago’s Blog]

So she would take it back, although she’s not lying about it. Whatever. I’m struggling to understand whether this is a smart or a stupid PR move. Does it help Brandi’s image if everyone thinks she slept with Gerard and he just forgot her name? Or does it ultimately hurt her image? Ugh. I KNOW it hurts Gerard’s image. He’s going to have to drown himself in nameless amputee strange now.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

…And just like that, I’m back in love with Gerard Butler a little bit. Earlier this week, Brandi Glanville finally “dished” about her rumored hookup (or series of hookups) with Gerard Butler. They were allegedly “together” for a hot minute last year, and Brandi claimed that they had a week-long fling and she rated him an “11 out of 10” in the sex-making department. The Department of Boning? The Masters Class of Bangin’? Whatever. Anyway, Brandi said it and it was out there, for Gerard to confirm or deny. When he was way-laid by a TMZ video-razzi yesterday, he was asked about the hookup. His response? “Who’s Brandi Glanville?”

OK, so if he doesn’t know who she is and they never banged, then this is on Brandi. If they actually did have a fling, then Gerard’s just being rude. But isn’t it possible that they banged and he simply didn’t catch her name? I mean, the man loves strange. He goes trolling for strange as soon as he hit’s a new city. He picks up girls by the side of the road and bangs ‘em. He’s a flagrant womanizer, and you can’t expect him to remember every girl’s name, you know.

As for some of your comments on the earlier post that I seem to have fallen out of lust with Gerry – well, Fassbender has been taking up a lot of time and energy. But I still have a great deal of affection for this filthy Scottish man-slut.

PS… these are some new photos of Brandi “launching McDonalds Chicken McBites.”

Photos courtesy of WENN.

These are some new photos of Gerard Butler, sauntering around West Hollywood looking like… I don’t even know. He’s 42 years old! Is that too old to leave your shirt that far unbuttoned? Gerard is getting to be like the Scottish Jeremy Piven at this point. I mean, I love the big lug, but Jesus, Gerry! Enough with the Real Housewives and random street performers. Also – is it just me, or is he wearing women’s jeans? Right?

So I’m also including some newish photos of Cameron Diaz in Paris for the Valentino show a few days ago – it was by far one of my favorite looks. You might be wondering, why the weird confluence of photos, K? The answer is that the tabloids are still trying to make Gerard and Camy happen. They tried it several years ago too, only Gerard brushed off the rumors (rather rudely) saying, “So if I take my dog for a walk apparently I’m f–king my dog?” This time, however, Camy was just using Gerard… to make P. Diddy jealous. UGH. Yes, in between dry-humping Diddy in public, Camy spent some time with Gerard, allegedly.

If Diddy strays, Cameron Diaz will play! The actress’s PDA with her hush-hush hookup had tongues wagging at the CAA pre-Golden Globes party in LA on Jan. 13, but Star can reveal that Cameron, 39, also got cozy with Gerard Butler, 42.

“Diddy was flirting with someone else,” says an insider. “So Cam turned her attention to Gerard.”

He was very receptive, the insider adds – and they set off sparks again at the Weinsteins’ bash two nights later!

[From Star Magazine, print edition]

Look, I think Cameron is spiraling and that’s kind of sad, obviously. She wishes she was still that “It Girl” that all of the dudes wanted. She still could be, if she stopped messing with her face and her body, and stopped acting like such a damn mess. Now, would Gerard be an upgrade from Diddy? In my mind, yes, but with Gerard, you always know that there’s a time limit, and the limit is “about a week” but probably more like “a few hours.” And then he just forgets your name.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

I’m so sorry that Kaiser is still recovering today and can’t cover this story, because we definitely need to get her take on it. Last night was the big finale of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I haven’t been keeping up with the show, but I’ve read that it wasn’t as explosive as it the finale last year, which is good news I guess considering how uncomfortable it was. Well on “Watch What Happens Live,” Brandi Glanville got asked about the “most famous person” she’s hooked up with and she admitted to a week long fling with Gerard Butler. She says it was really good too, and rated him an “11.” We heard rumors about this in late August. Brandi was seen making out with Gerard at a “beach party” on August 27, and then in early September US Weekly ran a story that Brandi and Gerard were “friends with benefits,” well the benefits were short-lived, because Brandi admitted that they only lasted one very fun week together. Is that Butler’s limit or did Brandi blow it because she blabbed?

If you missed Watch What Happens Live last night on Bravo, then you missed a hook-up bombshell. Guests Lisa Vanderpump and Brandi Glanville of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills had to play a game, “Plead the Fifth,” and Brandi admitting to hooking up with a true Hollywood hunk!

“I have three questions,” host Andy Cohen explained on his show,” Watch What Happens Live. “You may ‘Plead the Fifth’ on just one question.”

1.) “If you could have ten minutes alone in a room with LeAnn Rimes and suffer no repercussions, what would you do or say to her?”

“Plead the Fifth,” Brandi said.

2.) “When was the last time you watched porn?”

“I don’t watch porn,” she said. “A year ago. Maybe. Randomly.

3.) “Who is the most famous person, besides Eddie Cibrian, that you have hooked up with?”

“I can’t Plead the Fifth,” Brandi said with a laugh. “Uh, Gerard Butler.”

Andy couldn’t control his excitment and had to keep asking Brandi more questions on her Hollywood hook up.

“Was that more than once? Was it a relationship?”

“No, no, no. It wasn’t a one nighter, it was like a little week of fun.”

Brandi explained the hook up happened in the last year over the summer. So, on a scale from 1 to 10 how fun was it?

“Eleven,” Brandi said with a big smile.

[From OK! Magazine]

I bet Butler is a hell of a lot of fun in bed, but we’ve seen some evidence and he doesn’t seem to be well endowed, not that it makes a “big” difference, I’m just putting that out there. I think that after learning that Kaiser moved on from Butler to Fassbender.

Good for Brandi for getting hers though. Not many of us would turn that down at all. You know that LeAnn is going to have a sh*t fit over this on Twitter, whether she refers to it directly or not. Maybe she already is reacting the only way she knows how – by being territorial. She’s been calling Brandi’s kids her bonus boys and getting her panties in a twist over people calling her out on it.

Here’s Gerard acting like a ham at the Golden Globes. Credit: WENN.com and FameFlynet. Brandi is shown outside Madeo on 12-11-11. Credit: PER/Fame Pictures

It feels like Gerard Butler has spent all of 2011 in the ocean, learning how to “surf”. That isn’t a bad way to spend a year at all, it’s just that… I keep hoping for more from Gerard. Machine Gun Preacher didn’t make waves and Coriolanus was well-received but barely seen. It felt like this was Gerry’s make-or-break year, his chance to show people that he really should be considered A-list, and he’s just…not. He spent a year surfing and a quick second boning Jessica Biel, allegedly, and other than that… nothing.

Anyway, Gerry was learning how to surf because he’s playing some surfer in a film called Of Men and Mavericks, which sounds like a gay pr0n about John McCain. I used to cover photos from the set, but I stopped after I became too depressed by the lack of wetsuit bulge. On Sunday, Gerry busted his ass (amongst other things) when he was pulled underwater by some major waves.

Gerard Butler was pulled underwater and dragged over a rocky reef Sunday by a large set of waves while he was filming the surfing movie Of Men and Mavericks in Northern California.

The actor, 42, was taken to Stanford Medical Center dazed but not seriously injured, after being rescued by a safety patrolman, according to ESPN.com. He was released soon after.

“Butler was held down for a solid two waves and took four or five more waves on the head,” surfer Frank Quirarte writes on his ESPN blog. “He was then washed through the rocks on the inside before he was finally able to be plucked out. He had that 100-yard stare that surfers get after a two-wave hold-down or near-death experience.”

Surfer Zach Wormhoudt, who was filming with Butler, told ESPN their group was caught off guard by a set of waves that appeared to come out of nowhere. In March, professional surfer Sion Milosky drowned at the same spot.

Butler is expected to make a full recovery. “He’s fine. Very scary,” Butler’s rep tells ET. “For precaution, we all wanted him checked out after it all happened. Came out with flying colors.”

[From Us Weekly and People Magazine]

I’m struggling to find a comedic angle here, but I just can’t. Maybe something about the waves having a nice ass and that’s why Gerard couldn’t come up for air? Something something trolling for mermaid strange? Really, I just hope Gerard is doing better and that he’s safe and healthy. I haven’t been thinking about him very much lately, I’ve been so focused on Michael Fassbender and Jeremy Renner. These crushes are cyclical – as soon as Gerard comes out wearing a nice suit and leering at me through the camera, I’ll be his again.

By the way, here are some photos from last week’s Golden Globes nominations announcement. Gerry looked like crap.

Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.

Last week, no one seemed to care about Skinny Gerard Butler and his Pecks of Tautness. (sidenote: “Taut” is one of the words that I need to use more, right?) Why didn’t you care? Why didn’t you love him enough to comment about his pecs and his thunder-concealing wetsuit?

Anyway, as we’ve been chronicling over the past year, Gerard Butler has slowly and steadily lost the chunk. Specifically over the past few months, he’s been training for this surf movie, Of Mavericks and Men. Gerard plays the surfing elder in this one, and yet it seems like he’s the lead, considering he’s getting endlessly pap’d in various stages of dong-y undress. These are newish photos from the weekend, and Gerry looks… well…

From the waist up, I love him, even with the uneven scruff. I like his naturally curly hair, I like how good his arms look, I like his taut pecs and just how healthy and great he looks. And then I get to what’s below the waist…

…Now, I don’t want to be one of those “OMG, it looks so small in a wetsuit!” people, but really, his bulge is unimpressive. If Jon Hamm was in this wetsuit, his bulge would be assaulting and then seducing our eyes. The Hamm Dong would be slithering half-way down his leg. Gerry just looks… like the dong doesn’t match his big frame. I’m just saying… if you’re going to make a movie in which the male characters are in wetsuits all the time, maybe you should do something to ensure that we’re not taken out of the film because we’re staring at the unimpressive bulge.

That being said, I would (as always) still hit it. After all, it is the motion of the ocean, not the size of the boat.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Don’t shoot me, Butlerholics, but I’m not feeling it in these photos. Gerard Butler was photographed in LA, filming that surf movie Of Men and Mavericks. He’s been preparing for it for months now, losing weight, learning how to surf (he plays a surfer), and basically, he’s been looking too thin. Much like my love for chubby Vincent D’Onofrio, I like my men with more meat on their bones. Unfortunately, Gerard has not gotten my memos. In a recent interview with Piers Morgan, Gerard talked about his weight gain a few years ago, and those paparazzi photos of him playing in the ocean, with the sunlight glistening off of his moist, jiggling belly and moobs. I said at the time that I still loved him and I would still hit it, but here’s Gerry’s take on that moment:

“I saw those photos and that changed me. I changed my life actually. I was on holiday with a buddy down in Barbados… I was taking some time off and I was eating more and more and I kept thinking I should be careful. I was getting in the water and I looked over and I saw a boat in the distance (with photographers on), and I thought ‘Oh no’. Even I didn’t realize how awful it was going to look. In truth, it didn’t look great, it didn’t kill me… it did lead me to be a little more (aware) of what I was eating.”

[Quote via SF Gate]

Noooo! You bitches were so mean about his moobs!!! He looked fine. Start eating again, Gerry!

Anyway, he’s skinny now. And while I’m a self-confessed Butlerholic, why aren’t these photos doing anything for me? He’s shirtless in some of the pics, and God knows, I love him shirtless. But he’s also wearing a wetsuit and… it’s not a turn on. Something about a confined wetsuit and whatever it’s doing to his “thunder”. It’s not sexy. Some men just can’t pull off a wetsuit.

I do like that photo of him tweaking his nip, though.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Here’s Gerard Butler with his longtime girl, Lolita. Lolita is the tiny little pug, by the way. Isn’t she cute? I’m not sure about the name “Lolita” for a tiny little dog whose daddy is a notorious womanizer, but sure. He loves that puppy, and Lolita gets lots of quality time with her dad. Speaking of, The Enquirer’s gossip guy, Mike Walker, had this funky little story about Gerard and Lolita is bed together:

Upon awakening at his trendy West Hollywood hotel, Gerard Butler phoned room service and ordered breakfast for two – and he blew the waiter’s mind when he arrived to find the hunky heartthrob in bed with Lolita, his tiny pug pooch! Snuggled up next to his pet and perusing the morning paper, Butler – in town promoting his new flick, ‘Machine Gun Preacher’ – ordered the waiter to set up both trays on his bed. Doing as he was told, the guy lifted silver lids to reveal two plates of scrambled eggs and Lolita leaped off her pillow and lapped up one plate before Butler could even sign the bill!

[From The Enquirer, print edition]

Now, Gerry owns a house in LA. Why would he be staying in a hotel? Maybe he’s doing renovations. Maybe he just likes to stay in hotels. Maybe he got some action. Maybe he just wanted to treat Lolita to a romantic evening. I don’t know. But I hope this story is true. Any dog owner knows that look in their dog’s eye when the dog is debating whether or not to make a play for some people food. I feed my dog before I eat dinner, just to ensure that he won’t spend my whole mealtime giving me his best “pathetic-sad-feed me” face.

Gerry also covers the new issue of LA Confidential Mag. Here are some highlights:

The Butler on his current career: “It’s not like a supernova anymore, the thing that got me here so fast. Or maybe not fast, because it did happen over 12 years. I counted the other day, and I’ve actually made 33 movies, so it didn’t happen overnight. That passion and energy—maybe not just in the making of the movies, but in the publicizing of the movies—everything that it took to get here, I don’t have that drive anymore. But I also don’t feel that I need that drive anymore. I’m at a spot where the movies come to me more easily, and maybe I’m more at a place of a kind of spiritual acceptance that what’s for me won’t go past me. That’s good for me, because to be honest, as much as I love what I do, it’s not the be-all and end-all anymore.”

Jack of all genres: “I think the one thing I have going for me is an ability to play a wide array of roles and genres, and therefore I want to keep challenging myself and keep surprising people,” he says. “That’s the most exciting thing for me as an actor: Nobody can ever define you. They go, ‘Oh, he’s the action guy.’ ‘Oh, he’s the comedy guy.’ I’m not any of those things, and I never want to be categorized like that. People shouldn’t know what to expect from me.”

He doesn‘t like the fame: “I love what I do,” says Butler, “but the more successful I’ve become, the more I’ve realized it’s the things around acting I don’t love. I sometimes wish I could just go make a movie and then disappear. I never thought I would be like that, actually. I was surprised at my reaction, because I love acting. It’s harder than anything I’ve ever done, but it also provides more fun and fulfillment than anything else I’ve ever done.” Though cognizant that “whining” about celebrity rarely engenders great sympathy (“‘Screw you!’ ‘Bring out the violin!’” he mockingly says), Butler makes it clear it’s the double-edged nature of public recognition that’s gotten under his skin; encounters with genuine admirers still give the movie fan in him a relatable kick—the paparazzi, not so much.

[From LA Confidential]

I always like his interviews – in my mind, I’ve created this image of The Butler – some horny buffoon, a sex-crazed, uninhibited eating-and-sex machine with no shame. But he’s actually a thoughtful, self-aware dude who seems pretty grounded. Sigh… I do love him. It’s not Fassbender-love/lust, but Gerry is definitely special to me.

Here are some recent photos of Gerard, out and about in London. I think this is the face he made when he read my love letter to Michael Fassbender:

Photos courtesy of WENN & Pacific Coast News.

Last night was the LA premiere of Machine Gun Preacher, so Gerard Butler was in full effect. He wore this nice gray suit, which actually makes him look a big heavier, right? Either that, or Gerard has decided to put on some weight, perhaps realizing that he was looking much too thin lately? Whatever he’s doing, he doesn’t look so sickly in these photos, so good for him.

Let’s see, Gerard Butler news. He has an interesting (but verbose) new interview with The AV Club here. He talks a lot about films and not enough about girls and butter. And Gerard was on The Tonight Show last night (Or two nights ago? Whatever). Here are the videos:

I always like him in late-show interviews – you can tell that he’s a nice guy. I mean, he’s totally toxic for women, but he’s not a raging a–hole or anything. He seems like he just wants to hang out and party.

Here are some more photos of Gerard and his MGP costar Michelle Monaghan, who… looks like hell. That dress is awful, and her hair is terrible. Oh, and Zoe Saldana was there too, and her dress was terrible too.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Here’s something that non-fans of Gerard Butler don’t understand: the fans don’t care. We don’t care that he’s kind of gross, or that he looks like the kind of guy who won’t remember our name in the morning. We don’t care that he’s a whore who will literally bone anyone and anything. We don’t care about his moobs, really, and we don’t actually care that much about his recent, extreme weight loss. We just like him. He’s a goofy, funny dude. He’s kind of crazy and sweet and we honestly feel like The Butler wouldn’t judge us. So stop regaling us with stories about how The Butler is constantly surrounded by women and how he’s always on the prowl, no matter where he is. We get it. He’s a slut. We still like him.

Anyway, fresh from his biscuit extravaganza in Toronto (where Lainey says The Butler had them eating out of his hand), Gerard is back in New York. You know The Butler had to stop in and check out NYFW. There were models! There were girls! There were biscuits! So, behold, The Fug Girls’ story about what Gerard was like at yesterday’s Diesel show. This is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read:

There is something magical about watching an artist at work, which is exactly what we did at Diesel Black Gold Tuesday afternoon. Although in this specific instance, we’re not talking about what was on the runway, but what was happening across it; rather, we are referring to Gerard Butler, master pickup artist.

For a long while the front row sat empty, and since we knew past attendee Chace Crawford was up in Toronto at the film fest, we began to wonder if every celeb who wears Diesel had migrated north for the week — especially after we heard someone who looked like a PR girl hiss, “No one is here,” to an official-looking person standing next to us. But then, as surely as the sun rises in the east, there was a kerfuffle as a group finally emerged from backstage, to the point where event organizers yelped for more security.

The newcomers were a gaggle of models (including Petra Nemcova), Diesel founder Renzo Rosso, and a lone wolf in a tight T-shirt: Gerard Butler, tragically all by his famous self, alone in a sea of estrogen. We’re sure this was an agonizing development for him, and we’re proud of him for staying strong. Though we do wish he had done his hair a bit — the semi-feathered-looking coif looked like it had been styled with last night’s pillowcase, two-day-old gel, and pure testosterone fumes — but even then, and with his skinny-yet-super-buff physique, it’s hard to deny that the man has pull.

And apparently knows how to use it. After the fans were swatted away, the fashion show started, and so did the real show. It was called Gerard Butler Thinks You Are a Groovy Lady, and it was highly entertaining. First, he leaned over to the blonde next to him — a model-esque Danish singer-songwriter with the incongruous name of Oh Land — and introduced himself, or so it seemed. And then he chatted. Oh, did he chat. The entire show they kept up a running patter. He pointed at stuff. He dropped his hand to his leg at a spot near her, then raised it to touch her on the arm oh-so-casually while ostensibly pointing to more stuff. He was very focused, from what we could tell, on using the seven minutes he had seated next to her to their full potential. And if it was anything other than how it appeared (a genial pickup attempt in progress), we don’t want to know; in our minds, Gerard Butler is always on.

Indeed, if fan reaction is any indication — after the show, he was mobbed by ladies elbowing journalists out of the way and begging him for personal photos, which he obliged as much as possible — most of the world thinks he’s walking, talking fan fiction, and that if they get close enough to be caught in his Tractor Beam of Yes, they might get their own chapter. Best of luck to them, truly, but we have a sneaky feeling he might have plans tonight.

[From New York Magazine/The Fug Girls]

See? They get it. Butler-holics love him because he’s accessible. Because we might get caught up in the “Tractor Beam of Yes” because he will literally bone anyone. What’s so wrong about wanting to have a roll in the proverbial hay with The Butler, for one night only? By the way, I LOOOOVE his game. He’s so old-school! The chat-up, the smooth hand drop. I bet he leaned in and looked directly into her eyes too. God bless Scotsmen.

UPDATE: Even more about the Gerard Butler Thinks You’re A Groovy Lady show!

Gerard Butler wasted no time in chatting up the ladies at Fashion Week, working his famous charm on Danish singer Oh Land as they sat front-row at the Diesel Black Gold show yesterday. A spy reports Butler took a shine to the beautiful blond ex-model, formerly Nanna Oland Fabricius, at Pier 94 and, “began chatting and invited her to the screening of his movie, ‘Machine Gun Creature,’ but didn’t realize her boyfriend was standing at the back of the room.” A friend of the singer said, “Gerard was charming but she is totally in love with her boyfriend, artist Eske Kath.”

[From Page Six]

Poor Gerry. He was wasting his energy on someone with a boyfriend. *sob*

These are some of the faces The Butler will make if you happen to be caught up in his “Tractor Beam of Yes.”

Photos courtesy of WENN and Pacific Coast News.