Crazy ass Jackson family patriarch Joe Jackson has decided it’d be a really good idea to the Jackson 5 back together – with the additional drama of sisters LaToya and Janet thrown in. While rumors of a reunion have been floating around for decades, supposedly the family is pretty close to working out a deal with a production company.

They would all move into the Jackson family home in Encino, California. That’s right, not only do we have Jackson family singing, we have Jackson family midnight pillow fights. Or whatever the hell they do. Supposedly Michael has even agreed to be involved, though he’ll be the only one not moving into the house.

The family is hoping that because Michael and Janet are on board it will clinch the deal. “They feel the timing is right - because Michael is becoming professionally active again, and they believe fans are ready to find out what the family is doing,” an insider told the Enquirer.

“The show will follow the lives of the brothers as they move back into the old Jackson family home in the L.A. suburb of Encino and live and perform together again.”

Michael will continue living in his Las Vegas home but will be a big part of the show… The series will center on the at-times dysfunctional family dynamics of the brothers, Michael’s eccentricity, and the flamboyant sisters, Janet and LaToya.

“Although Michael will stop in and oversee some of the recording with The Jacksons, he’ll be doing most of his singing from his private studio in Las Vegas and then have the tapes transferred to where his brothers are laying down tracks in L.A.,” explained the insider. Jermaine will run the show, but Michael has made it very clear that he wants the last say on the music.” According to the insider, Jermaine is convinced the show will be a smash hit.

[From the National Enquirer, July 7th, 2008, print ed.]

What can possibly go wrong? Frankly, I think they should do it. By most accounts the Jackson family is so messed up that it can’t really get any worse. And only Janet has a bit of a career left. Michael’s going to have to rebuild everything from the ground up. So what have they got to lose? Respect? Already gone. Fame? Gone. Money? Gone. Well, mostly. They might as well see how long they can beat this dead horse.

Jermaine Jackson is sort of weird. I mean he named his kid Jermajesty. That joke writes itself. Poor kid. I know I shouldn’t make fun of a six-year-old whose parents are such jerks that they’d do that to him… but as long as I have to write his name, it’s going to be funny. So for the rest of this article, if I have to say something about Jermajesty that shouldn’t be funny (ie Jermajesty needs money for tutoring, which is true) I’m going to call him Paul so that we don’t feel the need to giggle at the poor kid who needs the tutoring.

Jermaine Jackson and his estranged wife Alejandra, who were married in 1996, are going through divorce proceedings. Jermaine hasn’t paid a penny of child support, and is essentially refusing to get a job, saying that one that isn’t good enough will diminish his “market value.” His wife is netting about $81 a month from her job as a personal assistant, and is currently living with Jackson’s mother Katherine. They also have an older son, Jaffar, who is 11-years-old.

“On a document included in the filing and obtained by extratv.com, Alejandra Jackson indicates that, since August, she has been making $15 per hour working as a personal assistant, she has no health insurance and she had to borrow $500 from her aunt to pay legal fees. She also lists her total assets from her partnership in a Colombian clothing design business as negative $198.

“Her income is listed at an average of $81 a month, with no overtime, commissions or bonuses, or investments to boost that figure in any way. ‘Occasionally and not consistently Mrs. Jackson will give me a couple hundred dollars for food or other expenses I need,’ Alejandra stated in court documents, referring to mother-in-law Katherine Jackson, 78. She doesn’t get any child support from Jermaine, she says. Alejandra, who is also seeking sole custody, states in the filing that Jackson is responsible for $22,741 in debts and unpaid loans.

A number of overdue bills and expenses are listed in the documents, as well as a wish list that includes health insurance for the kids and tutoring for Jermajesty.”

[From E! News]

Alejandra isn’t bringing in a lot of money – and one has to wonder why it’s so little – but it’s still 100% more than Jermaine is contributing. Alejandra is also taking care of the kids. So what’s Jermaine doing? Well pretty much refusing to work, and that’s about it.

“In his declaration opposing her requests, Jackson maintains that he continues to have ‘a healthy, happy relationship’ with the children, and that his wife’s motion for full custody, considering that they have successfully shared time with the kids so far, is ‘nothing more than a litigation tactic.’ He noted, ‘I do not object to an appropriate level of child support,’ Jackson continues. ‘However, the reality is that [Alejandra] has knowingly misled this court into believing that I have income which I do not. I currently do not have any employment… Thus I find myself in a Catch-22 situation where while I need money, I also need to be very cognizant of what employment I do undertake so as not to degrade my market value and ability to obtain legitimate work in the future. Unfortunately (and sadly), this troubling situation is very common in the entertainment industry.’”

[From E! News]

Hey Jermaine, I heard a rumor that you’re a big Celebitchy reader, so I’m going to have a little heart-to-heart with you, since I think your priorities are a little confused. The issue isn’t that you don’t have income and your ex is saying you do, the issue is that you SHOULD have income, and you do not. No one really gives a care about your poor “market value.” I think your ability to “obtain legitimate work in the future” isn’t nearly as important as making sure your kids have food, clothes, and health insurance (they don’t have the latter). You have contributed about one song every five years to a random soundtrack. You were an actor – once – in “Voyage of the Rock Aliens.” I think your market value is pretty low, I’m sure capitalizing on your family name would be a lot more dignified than most of the stuff you’ve done. And hey, you can afford tutoring for Jermajesty. Um, I mean Paul.

Picture note by Jaybird: Header image of Jermaine at the Wild Hogs UK Movie Premiere with an unidentified date on March 28th. Images thanks to PR Photos.