Paparazzi photo agency X17 online presents Jessica Simpson’s timeline on the night that she was said to have hooked up with John Mayer at the Four Seasons, as reported by TMZ and gleefully repeated here. She didn’t get back to her room until 1:30 AM, and was seen leaving club Hyde with producer James Krisel. Commentors note that if she was dating Krisel she would have on her corpse makeup and would have worn her hair down.

It’s possible that she got busy with Mayer once she returned to the hotel, and it looks like X17 is just saying it must not have happened until early in the morning according to their spies:

It seems like hotels are bad news for young celebrities like Simpson and Lohan. They make the decision to party at high-profile clubs and stay in hotels, and everything they do becomes public. Of course that’s where all the action is, but if they hook up with someone it’s quickly going to become gossip news.

TMZ reports that John Mayer struck out at the Four Seasons bar when hitting on an attractive member of the opposite sex. Jessica Simpson showed up, and Mayer promptly turned on the emo charm for her. Despite being treated like shit by Mayer in the past and in the public press, Jessica took the elevator up with him – presumably to his room.

What they did up there is anyone’s guess, but Lainey’s Gossip claims that Mayer has a proclivity for certain kinky sexual practices that Jessica must be tolerant of.

Poor Jessica must have rock-bottom self esteem to be hooking up with that jerk again.

Jessica Simpson header image from SweetKisses.net. John Mayer Perez Hilton parody image from John Mayer’s blog.

Both TMZ and RadarOnline claim to have the exclusive that Jessica Simpson’s publicist got axed for trying to make a mountain out of makeout session. Rob Shuter, Jessica and Ashlee’s publicist, got fired for spreading the fake news that Jessica and John Mayer were a major item just in time for the release of her latest album:

For his part, Mayer is doing his best to distance himself from the whole non-affair. He is said to have called Jessica “desperate.” He also gave a bizarre interview to Rolling Stone, in which he got high in front of the reporter, said he’d like to see a couple have sex in person, and called his penis “Dominican” because it had such a great batting record.

John Mayer posted an entry on his new blog on August 31st with the title “Really enjoying this song.” The post was just the album cover from Public Enemy’s “Don’t Believe the Hype,” an obvious reference to all the hoopla about his supposed relationship with Jessica Simpson, the news of which hit the tabloids at the same time as the the release of her new crappy album.

Mayer’s website supposedly crashed as fans desperate for news about his relationship with Jessica Simpson swamped it, but it’s up again now, and the entry is still there:

Mayer’s blog is thoughtful, but the prose is a little hard to digest. He writes in a psuedo-intellectual style that doesn’t add much and just makes it a bit less accessible. He’s into gadgets, sneakers, design, guitars, amps, old school funk and really loves the cancelled series “Huff.” Judging from his blog, he’s a busy guy who’s just dabbling in Jessica Simpson and if there was anything between them it’s not going to last. He needs a girl who’s cool and intelligent with interests of her own. A bubbly blonde who likes shopping and working out isn’t going to cut it for him.

Here’s Jessica outside of her NY doctor’s office on 8/31 and singing on The Today Show on 9/1. [via] Defamer has a short clip of her performance, in which she loses her voice for a moment. Simpson was put on vocal rest by her doctor and wasn’t supposed to speak or sing for some time. At least she really sings though and isn’t just lip synching, but she should be careful or the world will no longer get to hear her live breathy vocals.

Like the rumor that Jessica Simpson was after James Blunt (which may have been true, but would you choose Simpson over Petra Nemcova?), I doubt that much will come of this, but People is reporting that Jessica Simpson and much more talented singer John Mayer are an item:

So Jessica Simpson and John Mayer are supposedly dating now, and they’re both suffering from laryngitis at the same time. Aww.

It doesn’t matter how hot she is, Jessica is not the type of girl that keeps a busy single guy interested. She’s not mysterious enough, and seems like she would be a royal drag after a couple months. We doubt this will last.

Despite coming down with a case of laryngitis so bad she has to communicate in writing, Jessica Simpson appeared on MTV’s Total Request Live yesterday. Teeny boppers everywhere turned up the volume and sat close to the TV to catch her every brayed word.

Here are Simpson’s horrendous fashion choices as she arrives and leaves the MTV studios yesterday. Thankfully she wore a different outfit during the show, but it wasn’t much better. It was a flouncy shirt, vest and shorts combo.

Thanks to Hollywood’s Best for these photos.