A film critic recently referred to Emerald Fennell’s “Wuthering Heights” as “smooth-brained.” That’s how I feel about Russell Myers’ new royal book, William and Catherine: The Intimate Inside Story. It’s smooth-brained royal gossip – full of lies and false narratives, with no real connection to what actually happened in recent royal history, but it’s still sort of fun to talk about all of this sh-t. I certainly hope that no one is actually buying Myers’ book, because A) it sounds extremely dumb and there’s no real tea and B) we’re already seeing “the good parts” via extensive excerpts in the British tabloids.

Speaking of, Myers tried to reimagine Prince William and then-Kate Middleton’s 2007 breakup. That was “the big split” after they had already broken up many times in the previous years, only to get back together whenever William struck out with another woman. The 2007 split came after the tabloids and the Middletons had ramped up pressure on William to propose to Kate. William said “no mas,” he dumped Kate over the phone, and celebrated by getting wasted and declaring “I’m free!” Kate was reportedly humiliated, so she quit her parttime job (naturally) and ran home to Carole, who put together a plan for Kate to get William back. Less than two months later, they were back together (but William was still spending time with other women). So would you like to read Myers’ smooth-brained variant of this story?

When Prince William and Kate Middleton temporarily broke up, he found comfort in his grandmother, the Queen.
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The Prince and Princess of Wales found themselves hitting a rocky patch in their romance back in 2007 when William, 43, was pictured getting very close to an 18-year-old Brazilian student he met on the dancefloor of Elements nightclub in Bournemouth. The outing came just days after he had been snapped alongside Kate, 44, during a trip to Cheltenham horse racing festival looking glum and frosty.

The awkward few days ultimately led to their pair breaking up for a few months in April 2007, after Kate issued an ultimatum to William over the direction of their four-year romance. The aftermath has now been brought to light in a new book that tells the story of the pair, serialized in The Mirror.

Russell explains, “The Queen had witnessed at first hand the toxicity that spilled over from Charles and Diana’s relationship and the devastating effect of the Princess of Wales’s tragic death on both William and Harry. And she knew that William was hurting from the attempt to reconcile so many competing expectations, demands and desires.”

He then described how sources claimed William was “completely broken” by the split and sought advice from the Queen. Russell wrote, “Now she would do the same. Sensing William was struggling, the Queen invited him to Sunday lunch to judge his mood. William was more than just crestfallen and worried about whether he was throwing away the one constant in his life. He was, according to one well-placed source, ‘completely broken’. ‘In that moment the Queen advised her grandson that the only certain path is the one supported by faith. It was all she had to say,’ they said.”

Detailing the conversation with Kate that led to William telling Clarence House to officially announce their split Russell shared, “A long-standing friend who she confided in at the time said, ‘Catherine was distressed. She was miserable, but she certainly wasn’t desperate. She felt as though she had nothing to lose and for the first time she probably relayed her true feelings to William. She wasn’t demanding an engagement, but she wanted a commitment, and if he couldn’t deliver that, well, then she left him in no doubt that it was best they go their separate ways.’”

[From The Daily Mirror]

All of this is just… incorrect. QEII was never a Kate Middleton fan, especially in this era. QEII was the one who let it be known that Kate needed to get a job, because it looked terrible for the heir to the throne to date such a lazy woman with nothing to do. Kate wasn’t the one issuing direct ultimatums during this time either – Kate and Carole were too busy trying to land the plane, and they were doing that via briefings to the Mail and other tabloids. That, more than anything else, was a huge reason why William dumped Kate, because he absolutely did not want to marry her. All of the stuff about “completely broken” William reaching out to QEII is completely false as well. He wasn’t completely broken, and I doubt he was even that upset. He knew that Waity would always be there (she was) and that she would drop everything the moment he snapped his fingers (she did).

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Cover Images.