Last week, Transformers director Michael basically told his leading lady Megan Fox to sit down and shut the hell up. It doesn’t look like Megan Fox is too upset by that, thank goodness. Although it would be hilarious to hear Megan’s defense. In Bay’s defense, Megan started it. Michael just finished it. I guess someone just got to Megan after Bay’s interview came out, and Megan was told “For the love of God, don’t respond!”

Now there’s a little more insight into Bay and Fox’s tortured history. According to The Guardian (story via Page Six), Bay made Megan audition for the first Transformers by having her come over to his home. A little casting couch action, perchance? It’s just as bad, actually. Megan’s “audition” was washing Bay’s Ferrari while Bay filmed her. That is just… gross.

THERE’S a video of Megan Fox we want to see.

When the sizzling star of “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” went to director Michael Bay’s house to audition for the part, “He made her wash his Ferrari while he filmed her,” reports Jason Solomons in Britain’s Guardian.

“She said she didn’t know what had happened to that footage. When I put it to Bay himself, he looked suitably abashed — ‘Er, I don’t know where it is either.’ ”

Come on. Cough it up!

[From Page Six]

What’s worse – that Bay made Megan audition that way (and she accepted) or that now the tape has mysteriously disappeared? Or should I say “disappeared”. Because “disappeared” means “Bay viewed the footage so many times the cassette (and Bay’s wang) is worn down to the nub.” I guess the whole incident just proves the point we’ve been making about Megan Fox – it’s not about her dumb dialogue, or her dumb interviews, all the guys really care about is Megan Fox, scantily clad and bent over. Gross.

In other Megan Fox news, the trailer for Jennifer’s Body was just released yesterday. It actually looks… interesting. Not horrible. Of course, Megan looks like she’s barely dressed and damp throughout the entire film. The fanboys’ nubs are probably numb from viewing this.

Megan Fox is shown at the Giorgio Armani Prive Fashion Show in Paris on 7/7/09 with Cate Blanchett and Elsa Pataky. Credit: ANG/Fame Pictures

It’s hard out there for Octomom Nadya Suleman. Yesterday I mentioned that there is so much public animosity towards the woman that she’s just a step away from being greeted by torch wielding villagers. What I failed to consider is that the common man doesn’t have easy access to a torch – it’s gonna take some work to procure one. So instead of going to all that effort, when the villagers arrived last night, they grabbed the easiest thing they could find – a stray car seat left on Suleman’s front porch.

Now normally villagers use a giant tree and swing it against the front door. In modern times they just take the car seat and swing it against Octomom’s minivan. It gets a similar result.

When Nadya Suleman woke up this morning, she noticed someone had smashed in the back window of her OctoWagon in the middle of the night. La Habra police tell us they took a report this morning, but have no suspects.

No word on how Octo plans to pay for the repairs.

UPDATE: Nadya’s lawyer tells TMZ the object used to smash the window was a car seat that someone had removed from Octo’s front porch and heaved at the car.

[From TMZ]

To make matters worse, X17 reports that Nadya didn’t take her kids to school because of the damage. They said there was broken glass on the seats inside, so it’s understandable that the kids couldn’t ride in the car. But couldn’t she have called one of her overly-doting parents or a friend or one of her nannies to take the kids to school? The last thing those poor older children needs is more time at home with all that chaos.

In other Octomom news, Radar reports that she’s bringing her 7th baby home today. The last baby is still hospitalized, and it’s looking like it’ll be a few more weeks before that one’s healthy enough to come home. And then the real drama will begin.

Paris Hilton had her Bentley painted a Pepto-Bismol shade of pink by West Coast Custom, the shop featured on MTV show “Pimp My Ride.” The color of Paris’ car was inspired by a clock for little girls she bought at the Disney store and brought in to the shop for the technician to copy. Explaining her decision, Paris said, “I just always wanted a pink car. I think when you’re a little girl and you have Barbie Corvette toys, you’re like ‘Oh I really wish I had a car like this some day.’” Yes, Paris, but most of us grow out of that by adolescence.

Paris said it wasn’t a car she would drive every day, but that it was somewhat paparazzi proof despite the easily recognizable color because the windows were treated with something that makes them impenetrable to flash photography. Paris probably still thinks she’s invisible when she hides under a sheet, something my four year old finds hilarious.

The Bentley could be a GT that’s at least two years old as there was a story two years ago that Paris had gambled it away in a poker game. It was probably one of those fake stories and the expensive car was just sitting in her garage, abandoned for a newer version like a lonely chihuahua. Bentleys retail for around six figures and up.

Paris also has a $500,0000 SLR McLaren Mercedes Benz, which she purchased in the spring of 2006. It was supposedly repossessed by the bank when she was in jail.

After reading Paris’ somewhat fascinating interview with Esquire yesterday I have a new perspective on the little famewh… that could. As Jaybird mentioned, she definitely thinks she’s the shit, and she’s going to get all the spoils that go along with that, including transforming a six figure car into an adult version of a plastic doll toy. There are probably a lot more Bentleys to go around this season, she may as well paint one pink.

Though poor little Miley Cyrus didn’t get the brand new luxury car she wanted for her sweet sixteen, she did managed to get a pretty sweet ride nonetheless. Miley inherited her mom’s old Porshe. And she was actually very gracious about it, at least to OK Magazine. Considering how much money she’s worth, I expected her to throw a shit fit. And maybe she did in private. But in public she was smart enough to note that it’s an awesome car that most people would be lucky to have.

Most 16-year-olds consider themselves lucky to even have access to a car — let alone a ride of their own. Then again, most teenagers are not Miley Cyrus!

“I do have a car. I took my mom’s old car,” the superstar, who celebrated her 16th birthday on Nov. 23, tells Extra. “I didn’t get the one I wanted, but I got the old car which wasn’t so bad because it was a Porsche… It was a pretty good hand me down.”

[From OK Magazine]

Miley’s been photographed out driving many cars, so it seems like she’s still using her family’s other vehicles on occasion. I think most kids would be psyched about any car at sixteen, and she definitely got a good one.

In September there were all sorts of reports that Miley had already bought a Mercedes 550 Cabriolet Convertible for $75,000. Either all those stories were wrong, or for some reason Miley’s parents didn’t let her have the car. I’m guessing it’s the latter, since she notes that she didn’t get the car she wanted. In two years I’m sure she’ll have it though.

Here’s a video from Hollywood TV of Miley quizzing their reporter on the rules of the road. She mentions that even if you’re making a left turn in a left turn only lane, you still have to use your blinker. And then she notes that neither she or the reporter – who was following her – observed the rule.

Here’s Miley driving to the Sunlounge Tanning Salon in Toluca Lake ,CA on Wednesday. Images thanks to Fame.

Jay Leno on 4/27/08. Credit: PRPhotos
Jay Leno has an extensive car collection. Aside from his TV gig as host of the Tonight Show, it’s what he’s best known for these days, even having an internet segment through NBC called Jay’s Garage. Not only does he have a lot of them, he has a rare and valuable collection. But now, one of the rarest and most valuable will land him in court.

The family of Macy’s heir John Straus is suing the “Tonight Show” host and the owners of an East Side garage who allegedly duped the octogenarian out of his beloved – and one-of-a-kind – 1931 Duesenberg Model J.

The car’s estimated value is $1.2 million, but Leno bought it from the garage after a “sham” auction for a mere $180,000, Straus’ family charges in a Manhattan Supreme Court lawsuit.

“The whole thing was a sham,” said one of the Straus family’s lawyers, Nathan Goldberg.

Reps for Leno and the garage didn’t immediately return calls for comment.

The suit says Straus had rebuffed car-collecting comic Leno’s offers to buy the car for years, but it ended it up in Leno’s lap after the garage pulled some funny business in 2005.

[From NY Post]

The family is claiming that John Straus was in his 80′s and owed a parking fee to the garage, which they notified him was past due and the car would be auctioned if he didn’t pay. They alledge that Straus sent them a check for $22,000, but the check was returned and he was told that he owed $36,000 and gave him another account number. The different account number was for the space occupied by two other cars Straus had with another garage owned by the same people and therefore defaulted on payment for the Deusenberg. The garage then sold both the lesser cars to themselves and the $1.2 million car to Leno for $180,000.

Straus died in May of this year and his daughters discovered the problem then. The Straus’s are descendants of Isadore and Ida Straus, co-founders of Macys. The family says the cars are family heirlooms and want them back.

While Leno is named in the suit, they don’t believe he was in collusion with the garage owners, but that he should have known something wasn’t right.

The suit falls short of accusing Leno of conspiring with the garage, but the lawyers said the comedian and his lawyers should have known something was funny after seeing the car’s auction price.

“Leno was far less concerned with the bona fides of the underlying purported auction and sale, then with achieving his long awaited purchase of this one of a kind Model J,” the suit says.

Leno has reportedly admitted going to great lengths to get the car. In a 2007 book, he said he made up a story about the car to keep other collectors away.

Goldberg said in addition to using trickery to auction off the cars, the garage – which collected hundreds of thousands of dollars in fees from Straus over the decades – didn’t follow the legal steps it was supposed to in carrying out.

Had the cars been auctioned off legally, he said, the garage could have kept up to the amount of money Straus owed, and anything over the amount would then have to go to Straus.

If this is all as cut and dried as it sounds, Jay should spend some quality time with the Duesenberg now, because it doesn’t look like he’s going to polishing her for much longer.

Here is a 1931 Duesenberg Model J, courtesy of Automotive Forums. It is not the specific car owned by Jay Leno.

50 Cent and I clearly have a different definition of friendship. And I think I like his a hell of a lot more than mine. While I always thought it meant being there for the other person in good times and bad, occasionally drinking too much with them, complaining about men together, and having the occasional naked pillow fight, 50’s idea of friendship involves lavish vintage gifts. And I think that makes a hell of a lot more sense.

50 Cent knows how to treat his costars. Not content to drop off a basket of sugar-free muffins with a note saying “You were totally in the moment,” the rapper-thespian gave his Streets of Fire costar Val Kilmer a car, according to In Touch Weekly.

And not some tax-write-off clunker, either.

Fiddy bestowed on Kilmer a 1965 Chevy Impala said to be worth $100,000. The two, who play police officers dealing with the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, bonded over their appreciation of classic vehicles, which led the rapper to give one of his very own autos to Kilmer.

Really? “Yes he did,” Fiddy’s rep told us. No word on Kilmer’s thank-you plans, but you can be sure of this: Muffins just ain’t gonna cut it.

[From E! News]

Sounds like the start of a bromance to me. And what a way to kick it off. At first I thought 50 might have some kind of non-sexual crush on Val Kilmer, a la that famous Seinfeld episode. But then I saw a picture of Val Kilmer, and… I have a policy of never making fun of someone’s weight. But let’s just say that if there were ever a time I would consider breaking that rule, it’d be right now. So I’m pretty sure there’s no crush going on here. But I think that explains E!’s joke about the sugar free muffins.

Either way, I think it’s very important that I star in a film with 50 Cent. I’d just like a Honda, thanks.

Header of 50 Cent performing live in Sydney on April 23rd and Val Kilmer leaving Sushiya restaurant in L.A. on March 5th. Images thanks to WENN.