You know how, when you were a kid, your mom would look at you and say, “Someday, you’re gonna have a kid who acts just like you, and I’ll sit back and laugh”? Well, it looks like Madonna is a getting a little dose of that with her very lovely daughter, Lourdes, 13. Not only is Lourdes the brains behind a new clothing line which she co-designed with mom, but sources say the very mature-for-her-age teen is making mom all flustered with her short skirts and revealing tops. Oh, Madge. Welcome to the club.

Anyone who’s seen pictures of Madonna’s daughter Lourdes can see that the sassy 13-year-old is a chip off the old block. But the singer, who has been busily promoting Material Girl – the teen clothing line that she and Lourdes are co-designing and is set to debut in the fall – says that she isn’t always thrilled with her Mini-Me’s fashion choices.

“If anything, I wish she’d dress more conservatively,” Madonna admits. “How’s that for irony?”

It is a big hypocritical. After all, Madonna was barely 20 when she posed for her first nude photos, and she’s made a career out of pushing buttons. But the 51-year-old seems content to let Lola make her own way when it comes to style.

[From In Touch print version, April 19, 2010]

I’ve seen lots of photos of Lourdes recently, and there is no doubt she is a beautiful girl. But I do think she wears a lot of makeup sometimes, and dresses a little too “adult” for her age, especially on the red carpet. I suppose that is a matter of personal opinion and parenting style, though. My daughter is 15, and also wants to be a designer. She makes her own clothes and loves anything to do with couture. I do not allow her to wear low-cut shirts, her skirts have to be a minimum of finger-length (meaning that when she puts her arms down by her sides, the hem of the skirt has to at least be the length to her fingertips), and she is forbidden to wear those so-called “booty shorts” that are so popular with girls her age. Sometimes she gets upset with me on this, but I don’t care. Of course, in my case, there aren’t decades of photographs and videos showing me half naked, or in some cases, totally naked, so it’s probably a little easier for me to enforce my rules than for Madonna! I guess you could say it’s a classic case of the chickens coming home to roost.

I have to say, as a child of the 1970s, I am fascinated by all the interest in the new movie based on the awful sci-fi show “Land of the Lost.” It’s clearly not a faithful retelling of the original story – and after viewing old episodes of the show last week on a Sci-Fi Channel marathon, we should all be thankful for that. It was truly wretched- from the “special effects” to the “acting.” But regardless of that, you’d think that the new movie’s producers would give the original stars a little bit of love. Not so, according to The National Enquirer:

“I’m heartbroken. It’s like not being invited to your own wedding!”

Those are the tearful words of Kathy Coleman – child star of 70s TV cult classic “Land of the Lost” – after filming a cameo role in the big-budget film remake, only to be told she was not welcome at the star-studded Hollywood premiere!

To add insult to injury, her cameo in the Will Ferrell film ended up on the cutting room floor! The actress played adorable pigtailed, blonde Holly on the NBC series from 1974 through 1976. The show focused on an unknown land inhabited by dinosaurs and human/lizard creatures.

“It was exciting to be included in the movie remake,” Kathy told The Enquirer in an exclusive interview. “It was a small part, but the producers even gave me some dialogue. My line was: ‘That was just so rude!’”

After she filmed her part, producers invited her to the movie’s premiere. But a week before the May 30 gala, a studio assistant telephoned and rescinded the invitation, said 47-year-old Kathy.

“I couldn’t believe it! I felt like the bride who’s told, ‘Don’t bother showing up to the wedding, it’s not happening,’” sighed Kathy, who says she has no hard feelings about her scene being cut. “That’s Hollywood. That kind of thing happens all the time. But to disinvite me from the premiere? That was shocking.

“I’m not even sure I want to see the movie now. But I want to thank all the loyal fans who have written to me and apologize for missing them at the premiere. I was there in spirit”

[From The National Enquirer, print version, June 15, 2009]

Wow, that’s pretty cold. I understand that Hollywood is a bitch sometimes, but why offer this poor lady a role in the film and invite her to the movie premiere only to turn around and crush her? It doesn’t seem right to me. At least the Star Trek remake was smart enough to include Spock- there’s even talk of a Shatner cameo in the next film. I hope the “Land of the Lost” producers are shamed into making it up to Kathy. It’s not like she was asking for much.

Here’s the trailer for Land of The Lost. It’s out in the US today, June 5.

Thanks to Bitten and Bound for the photos of Kathy.

It must suck to be a former child star. Anytime the word “former” is applied to your general description when you’re only in your twenties, it’s probably a bad thing. “Former” star kind of implies that you were formerly awesome and now are much less so. “Former” drug addict implies that you used to have some really huge issues and now you’re probably better off – but it doesn’t imply success. So it seems like whether “former” is applied to something good or something bad, it still equals at least a bit of a stigma.

Hence the battle former child stars are always up against. The few that do well are notable. The lucky ones seem to fade into obscurity, though you can still imagine them refusing to wash the dishes or take out the trash because they just can’t handle ordinary stuff. But the least fortunate seem to battle serious addictions, money and family problems, and/or enjoy a few run-ins with the police.

And that is where our story leads us. Former Home Improvement actor Zachery Ty Bryan, 26, got into some sort of serious altercation at a hotel in April. Serious enough that he wound up getting tasered by one of the hotel’s managers – and now Bryan is suing them.

Zachery Ty Bryan, who played Brad Taylor on “Home Improvement” — is suing Choice Hotels International over an incident back in April 2008. Zach claims he was staying at a hotel in San Diego when he and a few friends went across the street to grab a Gatorade. When he came back just after midnight, Bryan’s lawyer claims the hotel wouldn’t let him upstairs, since the room wasn’t in his name.

Then things went really bad …

Bryan’s lawyer claims Zach tried explaining his wife was in the room, but the hotel refused to call her. He claims an off-duty manager, who was not involved in the initial argument, came out of nowhere and tasered Zach in the neck. Cops came but no charges were filed.

A hotel employee tells us Zach went nuts on the staff, a lot of alcohol was involved, and tasering the dude was the only safe bet.

Zach is suing for damages in excess of $25,000. A lawyer for the hotel had no comment.

[From TMZ]

This is one of those stories that you read and think “there is some serious stuff missing from this account.” Unless the hotel’s manager is a well-known lunatic, it seems rather unbelievable that he would just come up out of nowhere and taser a man – for what is implied to be no reason. And it seems equally odd that the hotel wouldn’t let him back in because his name wasn’t on the room. Either everyone at that hotel is batshit crazy, or one guy was really drunk. Hmmm…

Bryan isn’t the only Home Improvement child star to have some serious problems as a grownup. Taran Noah Smith, who played the youngest brother on the show, had some pretty public embarrassment when his trashed home was put on the market. TMZ got a hold of a video of the home, which the Realtor noted in the home’s listing notes was “Absolutely the worst house in a prime location.” It was trashed beyond recognition, in a manner that reeked of the results of drug use.

Stories like these make you glad you’re just a regular person.

Here is Zachery Ty Bryan and his wife Carly Matros at the ” Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift” premiere in Los Angeles on 6/4/06. Photographer : Nikki Nelson; Images thanks to WENN.