This is just another fashion post for the Academy of Country Music Awards – I already covered the two biggest “names” at the show, Nicole Kidman and Taylor Swift. I wasn’t going to do detailed coverage on some of the “lesser” country acts, just because I’m not a country music person and I don’t pay attention to it, but as I was looking through the photos, I was overcome by how badly these women dress. Maybe that’s the wrong word though – I’ve always felt that country music fashion is way more prom-y and “Southern” obviously. Big hair is acceptable and necessary. Glittery, sequined, beaded pastels are in vogue, forever and always. So… by those standards, how did these ladies do? Above, we have Carrie Underwood in a lovely jewel-toned alice + Olivia dress. I like the color on her quite a bit, but all of the glittery stuff at the waist makes the whole thing look cheap. And I would have liked to see her do something different with her hair.

Next: Julianne Hough in this orange monstrosity. I think she was trying to match it to her skin?

Brooklyn Decker’s boobs were there for some reason. I actually like the Victoria Beckham dress – I appreciate minimalism and a sleek sheath on a young woman. That being said, she needed to go up one size and have it tailored to her body, because this is too tight in the bust. I can make out every detail of her bust. Also: I’m disliking the haircut, but it will look cute when it grows out a little.

Jennifer Nettles in this sleek black number. I’m including Jennifer because I LOVE her. I think she’s adorable and so, so pretty. This is an interesting choice for her, and I like that she wore something rather sleek to a country music show.

Sara Evans. She looks like she works at a fancy Ho-Jos.

I like the idea of Miranda Lambert’s gown much more than the execution. Her boobs look great, the hair is cute, and white is a nice color for her (although she looks very bridal). I think my problem is with the metallic waist/belt thing – it makes her look “thicker” than she really is.

Martina McBride had a similar problem with her waist/belt too. I don’t like this gown on her at all, though.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

You’d think that Billy Ray Cyrus’s mullet would be enough to for this post – I mean, I could talk about this monstrosity for HOURS. Did he return to the mullet because Tish was boning Bret Michaels? Is this a mullet hairpiece? Sigh… no, I am going to attempt to cover the winners and the fashion in this piece. I never know if you guys really want to know about country music people, so it’s always a struggle to figure out how much detail to give when summarizing what happened during one of these country music awards shows. Personally, I don’t have a dog in this hunt, and I don’t know who most of these people are (no disrespect). If you want a comprehensive summary of the show, this is not your site. I will suggest some links for you – People Magazine has a piece about last night’s big CMA winners, Miranda Lambert and Brad Paisley. And here’s the list of winners:

Entertainer of the Year: Brad Paisley
Female Vocalist of the Year: Miranda Lambert
Male Vocalist of the Year: Blake Shelton
New Artist of the Year: Zac Brown Band
Vocal Group of the Year: Lady Antebellum
Vocal Duo of the Year: Sugarland
Single of the Year: “Need You Now,” Lady Antebellum
Album of the Year: Revolution, Miranda Lambert
Song of the Year: “The House That Built Me,” Miranda Lambert
Musical Event of the Year: “Hillbilly Bone,” Blake Shelton and Trace Adkins
Music Video of the Year: “The House that Built Me,” Miranda Lambert
Musician of the Year: Mac McAnally, guitar

And the rest will just be devoted to fashion/styling…Like Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban, and Nicole’s poor face. Damn, did she get it jacked especially for the show? Also – Nic’s booty is looking especially cute in this dress. Good Dolce & Gabbana dress, although I think she‘s too old to do the “virginal white lace” thing. The shoes are all kinds of wrong, though.

Miranda Lambert & Blake Shelton on the red carpet… Blake is kind of a hottie, right? And Miranda is really pretty. She’s got a really Southern look.

And here’s Miranda’s performance change – I don’t like this dress at all. It does not flatter her figure.

LeAnn Rimes just can’t dress for sh-t, can she? And the makeup and hair is even more hideous than the dress. Ugh.

Leighton Meester wore a MULLET DRESS to the CMAs! She’s so clever.

Here’s Gwyneth’s red carpet arrival dress – I’m not a big fan of ombre, but it’s not hideous. The cut-out is just WRONG though.

Call me crazy, but I thought Katherine Heigl was one of the best dressed women… for the occasion. Not in general. Heigl chose a simple blue strapless Farah Angsana ball gown and jacked her hair and her tittays to Jesus in heaven, which is completely appropriate for the CMAs. Does this age her? Sure. But every woman at this event looks like they’re on the hard side of 40.

Carrie Underwood had a bunch of costume changes, but this Talbot Runhof strapless was probably the biggest show-stopper. Some women like lots of ruffles – I don’t. It’s a personal choice.

I hated Sheryl Crow’s dress, mainly for the hem. Kimberly Williams, that color is too garish. Stop.

Kelly Pickler looked cheap. That’s all.

I like Gretchen Wilson’s outfit if she was going to a kegger/mullet party. But it’s too dressed-down for a major country-music awards show.

Lady Antebellum’s Hilary Scott looks very Eva Longoria – and that’s not good. Hilary’s pretty and she’s got a nice figure, but she needs to try a different silhouette for her body. Something sleeker, perhaps with a deep V-neck, fitted through the bodice.

Martina… girl, get it together. She looks like she’s wrapped in tin foil.

Sugarland’s Jennifer Nettles is cute as a button. One note: if you’re wearing an ice-blue gown, you don’t need to wear ice-blue eyeshadow. Otherwise, it’s just fine.

I forgot Taylor Swift, just because I already did her in another post – I like this dress, but it’s too “mature” for her. Still, it’s a good color for her. I’m just happy she’s not wearing pastel.

We started on a mullet, and so it’s poetic to end on a dirt bag. I know you bitches love Kid Rock (who are you?), but really? A JIM BEAM t-shirt to an awards show?

Last night was the Country Music Awards, and it ended up being Taylor Swift’s big night. Taylor took home four awards, including the top honor, entertainer of the year. Swift is the youngest entertainer of the year ever (at 19 years old) and the last woman to get the top prize since Shania Twain in 1999. The only bad thing? Taylor had to face lots of “jokes” about Kanye West. We get it. Kanye made her cry, and she’s been a class act about it thus far. Don’t push it, CMAs. Anyway, from what I saw, Taylor did not bring her boyfriend Taylor Lautner to the ceremony – he was in England, at the London premiere of New Moon. But Taylor did tweet about her wins, writing: “I have said ‘i love you’ to so many people tonight. I can’t stop hugging people. This is magical… Just wrapped up a cereal party with my mom and dad at the kitchen table. What a night.”

Other winners included Brad Paisley (who also co-hosted with Carrie Underwood, who got shut out – chuckle), Lady Antebellum, Sugarland, Mac McAnally and Darius Rucker. Performers included some crossover stuff with Dave Matthews and Kid Rock. Here’s more coverage from People Magazine:

Taylor Swift opened the show with a winning performance – but the 19-year-old singer had to wait until the end of the Country Music Association Awards telecast Wednesday night to collect the biggest honor: entertainer of the year.

Sobbing as she took the stage of Nashville’s Sommet Center, Swift – the youngest-ever winner of the CMA’s top trophy – called her band to join her onstage. “I will never forget this moment because in this moment everything I have ever wanted has just happened to me,” she said.

It was a monumental night for Swift, who took home four awards in total, including album of the year for her smash hit Fearless and, in an upset, female vocalist of the year, beating out the night’s co-host, Carrie Underwood.

While Underwood was shut out this year, her co-host Brad Paisley had a good night. The singer was named male vocalist of the year for the third year in a row, while Sugarland was awarded vocal duo of the year for the third year running as well.

Lady Antebellum was another early winner. The group’s “I Run to You” was named single of the year, and the trio picked up vocal group of the year, effectively ending competitor Rascal Flatts’ six-year winning streak in that category. A gracious Charles Kelley paid tribute to the band in his acceptance speech: “Rascal Flatts you’ve inspired us for such a long time,” he said.

Darius Rucker got a warm welcome from the country community – the crossover artist won new artist of the year, an honor that last year went to Lady Antebellum. After a long list of acknowledgments, he recognized his audience: “To the fans, thank ya’ll for accepting me.”

It was a performance-heavy telecast, with rock stars like Dave Matthews and Kid Rock teaming up with Kenny Chesney and Jamey Johnson. Swift launched the evening with a spirited rendition of “Forever and Always,” about stormy relationships. The performance seemed to nod to the feverish attention paid to her dating life – she has been linked to Joe Jonas and, most recently, Taylor Lautner – and began with a taped interview between the 19-year-old singer and Access Hollywood’s Nancy O’Dell.

“If guys don’t want me to write bad songs about them, then they shouldn’t do bad things,” Swift remarked in the taped segment, before the action cut away to the stage, where she threw furniture, slid down a poll and tossed her hair wildly.

Helming the three-hour telecast, Underwood and Paisley brought a sense of humor to the proceedings, poking fun at Kanye West (several times) through song and ribbing each other throughout the show.

[From People]

Sounds like a good night. Too bad I was watching USA’s NCIS marathon (Shalom Ziva!). So instead of doing my standard best and worst moments of the night, instead let’s just talk about how cute Taylor Swift is, and how she’s the next big thing. You know what’s going to happen next, right? They’re going to begin billing her as “America’s Sweetheart” and people will start pushing for her to have a big movie career. She’s already filmed a small part in the romantic comedy ensemble Valentine’s Day, out next year. Combine that with her stellar performance on Saturday Night Live, and Swift is the next big “It Girl” to hit Hollywood. Couldn’t have happened to a sweeter girl, in my opinion. I hope she keeps her head on straight.

Jessica Simpson has had an infamously bumbling country music career. She was described as “lost and desperate” on stage by one critic, has had to perform at venues like chili cook offs, nearly slipped a nip at the Grand Ole Opry, had a meltdown during a concert, and we won’t even touch on the national controversy that surrounded her weight and an ill-fitting outfit.

It’s safe to say that what little attention has actually been focused on Simpson’s country music career hasn’t been great. And she’s garnered much more press for her mistakes than anything else. Now it looks like Jess might have been dropped by her music label.

One of our readers sent me some very interesting emails today. He has been doing some “tattle tale” investigation work and it seems that Jessica Simpson is nowhere to be found on any of her record label websites.

If you remember – back in December – we told you that rumors were flying that Joe Galante, the head of Sony BMG Nashville was furious with all of her antics. They were threatening to drop her from the label. Could these rumors finally becoming true after her shaking tour with Rascal Flatts? Our reader noticed the following:

Today, her name appears nowhere among the artists listed on the web sites of Columbia Nashville or Sony Music Nashville. Even a search of each site finds that any prior mention of her photos, profile, press releases – has apparently been purged:

You can still find old press releases in the Google cache, but they do not exist at Columbia Nashville or Sony BMG Nashville’s web sites. For example, this used to be the URL for her artist page. As you can see, it errors out, because she’s been removed from the database. There’s no reason to do that unless she’s been dropped from the label.

[From Country Music Tattle Tale]

This is obviously just a rumor, though it’s not a surprising one. Jessica just hasn’t been doing well with country music, especially in terms of her live performances. I admire her for being gutsy enough to completely switch genres. But it seemed more like it was a business move than done due to a love of country music. She said she knew she’d never be number one, or even number five, in pop music. So she switched. And let’s be honest, that’s a hard change to make. Country musicians can go pop easier than the other way around. I wouldn’t be surprised if Simpson was dropped by her label – and goes straight back to pop.

Update: Jessica’s rep has confirmed that she has indeed been dropped by her record label.

Here’s Jessica Simpson performing on 2/12/09. Images thanks to WENN .

Even though I have lived in the South most of my life, I’m pretty ambivalent about country music. Of course I love the classics – Patsy Cline, Loretta Lynn, Johnny Cash, Conway Twitty, Dolly Parton to name a few. But none of the current country music crop hasn’t done much to inspire me. I have a vague affection for Taylor Swift, but not enough to buy an album. And I really, really dislike Carrie Underwood, mostly because of her personality rather than her music.

But as it turns out, country music fans love some Carrie Underwood. She became the first woman since 2001 to win the American Country Music entertainer of the year, the highest honor at the ACMs. Since winning American Idol, Underwood has taken the country music industry by storm, even garnering a few pop-country crossover hits. I don’t get it – but I’m alone. Country music fans probably see her as the next Faith Hill, but that particular honor is still a long time away.

Carrie Underwood became the first woman since 2001 to be named ACM entertainer of the year – and only the seventh female to win the Academy of Country Music’s top honor since it was first handed out in 1970.

“I’ve had a lot of good moments in the last four years. This one takes the cake!” said a teary-eyed Underwood, her voice cracking onstage Sunday at the 44th Annual Academy of Country Music Awards. “I don’t know what to say! I got nothing.” But she did remember one important person: Raising her trophy, she yelled, “Mike, baby, I wish you were here!” in a shout-out to her boyfriend, Ottawa Senators hockey player Mike Fisher.

Underwood also took home the award for top female vocalist, a repeat of last year’s win.

Earlier at the Las Vegas show, which aired on CBS, fellow young blonde phenom Taylor Swift beat out George Strait, Jamey Johnson, Montgomery Gentry and Underwood for album of the year for Fearless. “I think a lot of people who know me know that if I talk to you for more than five minutes, I’m probably going to write a song about you, so that being said I’d like to thank all the characters in my songs: Abigail, Hey Stephen, Tim McGraw and Romeo,” the 19-year-old said.

Brad Paisley also had something to celebrate. For the third year in a row, the singer accepted the honor of top male vocalist, this time from his home in Tennessee, where he and wife Kimberly Williams-Paisley were expecting their second child, due any day.

“As you can see, we had the baby!” Paisley joked, pointing to the pal sitting next to him, Little Jimmy Dickens – who started his career in the 1930s. “Kind of a Benjamin Button thing!” Thanking the crowd, Paisley said he wished he could be in Vegas for the show, but “I didn’t want to take the chance of missing the birth of our next child.”

Dancing with the Stars champ Julianne Hough took home her first singing award, nabbing top new artist honors – a fan-voted award this year – and earning a standing ovation from her peers. Clutching the back of her gold column gown, she took to the podium joking, “It’s a good thing my dress ripped – now I have something else to think about!” Hough, whose boyfriend and DWTS partner Chuck Wicks beamed from the audience, wiped away tears and tried to catch her breath as she spoke.

Sugarland became the first duo in 14 years to best powerhouse pair Brooks & Dunn for the top vocal duo ACM, and the band’s Jennifer Nettles thanked the crowd with a curtsey.

Rascal Flatts and Jamey Johnson took home the night’s first big prizes: Flatts for top vocal group, and Johnson for song of the year with “In Color.”

Performances by top stars included Swift (whom magician David Copperfield conjured up in a stage trick) singing “You’re Not Sorry,” Underwood performing “I Told You So” in a deep red cascade of a dress and Miley Cyrus with “Climb.”

The show broke out the big guns early with a medley led by Brooks & Dunn and featuring Swift, Sugarland, Underwood and Rascal Flatts. “What an opening!” said host Reba McEntire. “Now that’s what I call a stimulus package!”

Single of the Year winner (for “You’re Gonna Miss This”) Trace Adkins provided the most moving moment of the show, performing “Til the Last Shot’s Fired” with the West Point Glee Club, bringing many in the audience (including Nicole Kidman seated next to husband Keith Urban) to tears.

[From People]

My take is that Carrie Underwood is the placeholder for Taylor Swift, who is only going to get bigger, and have more and more pop-country crossover hits. Taylor’s album of the year victory proves that she’s got staying power within the industry.

I also think it’s pretty cool that Brad Paisley stayed at home with his pregnant wife, rather than make a big deal about going to the event and all of that stuff. Brad and his actress wife Kimberly Williams (best known as Steve Martin’s daughter in Father of the Bride) seem really happy together, and they have some great star power within the country music world. Let’s hope everything goes well with their second baby, due any day now.
Images thanks to PR Photos.com.

Jessica Simpson’s foray into country music sure isn’t going well. Her concerts are booked at D-list venues and aren’t selling well. She’s not getting press coverage for anything but her relationship with Tony Romo. And now it looks like Jessica was either banned, not invited, or for some reason chose not to attend last night’s Country Music Awards. Of course they were hosted by Romo’s ex-girlfriend, Carrie Underwood, so that might have had something to do with it.

Former pop singer/actress/wife Jessica Simpson just added another stellar achievement to her disintegrating resume, the CMAs’ persona non grata.

In a last ditch effort to save her career, the “Dukes of Hazzard” star released a country album earlier this year — so it would have made sense to make an appearance at last night’s show. Unfortunately, the Carrie Underwood-hosted CMAs had no time to have Tony Romo’s current girlfriend perform, present or sit in the bleachers, since they had already filled their ranks with tried and true country artists like … Hugh Jackman, Nicole Kidman, Reese Witherspoon and Lil Wayne!

But don’t worry, Ashlee Simpson’s sister doesn’t need the entire country music establishment on her side, tonight she’s performing at an Indian casino near Ontario, Calif. and we’re told 50% of tix are still available.

“Dancing with the Stars” here she comes!

[From TMZ]

Ouch. That article is quite a slam. Especially the part about how Simpson is only former things. Though they’re technically not wrong – and considering the way her country music career is going, it appears that TMZ is right and it’ll be another former on Jessica’s resume.

It seems really odd that Jess didn’t go to the awards. It’s possible she didn’t get an invitation because of Underwood, but I’d guess it’s just as likely that the CMA’s producers don’t consider her a legitimate country artist. Obviously there were other celebrities there that aren’t in country music though, so maybe Jessica has pissed off the wrong people. There’s also the chance that she was invited and chose not to attend. Perhaps she was avoiding Carrie Underwood, or maybe she just didn’t get the importance of the awards show to her future. Either way it was another foot in the grave for her career.

Here’s Jessica leaving Madeo restaurant in Los Angeles on November 2nd. Images thanks to WENN.

If Country Music Television viewers had their way, we wouldn’t be looking at an Obama v. McCain race, we’d be watching a Strait v. McEntire election. When asked which country music star they’d vote for from a list of George Strait, Reba McEntire and other 2008 CMA nominees, George Strait, with 23% of the vote, narrowly squeaked out a win over Reba McEntire with 22% of the vote. The glass ceiling is still intact.

Americans revealed they think George Strait and Reba McEntire are the most favored Presidential picks among top country artists. In a race close enough to demand a recount, “King” George was voted as best-suited to become commander-in-chief with 23% of the overall vote, while the fiery redhead came in a close second with 22% of the overall vote.

Although the race was tight across the board, Strait beat out McEntire among red states* (30% vs. 19%), McCain supporters (26% vs. 20%) and Gen Xers (23% vs. 17%). McEntire narrowly beat out Strait among women (23% vs. 22%, respectively). Her margin of victory was better among Generation Y adults 18-29 (23% vs. 17%), Obama supporters (24% vs. 19%) and blue states* (23% vs. 20%).

“George and Reba are always huge fan favorites on CMT, so it makes sense they would go head-to-head for the Oval Office,” said Jay Frank, SVP of music strategy, CMT. “I think George’s 50-plus #1 hits may have given him an edge in what is clearly the most important decision the country music fan had to make this season.”

[From Breitbart]

Trace Adkins and Alan Jackson tied for third place, with 14%, followed by Brad Paisley and Kenny Chesney with 6%. In more questionable decisions, Carrie Underwood received 4% and Keith Urban 3%. Alison Krauss, Gary LeVox, Martina McBride and Jennifer Nettles had the fewest votes with 2% each. I would have voted for any one of them over Urban or Underwood. I wasn’t one of the random 1,096 viewers over 18 that was participated, though.

Wait a minute, someone over 18 voted for Carrie Underwood for President? Well, gee, that just makes this whole endeavor ridiculous and meaningless.

President Strait has even more to celebrate this year. Following in the prestigious footsteps of Marty Robbins, Lorretta Lynn, Alabama, and Garth Brooks, the Academy of Country Music is declaring George Strait, Entertainer of the Decade. In all fairness, Strait should have been given this award years ago and several times over. George Strait was the inspiration behind any award Garth Brooks ever won. It has to be surreal for both of them, in very different ways, that Brooks received such an honor before Strait.

George Strait will receive the Academy of Country Music’s Artist of the Decade award in recognition of his nearly 25-year career.

Strait’s many hits include “Amarillo By Morning,” “Ocean Front Property,” “Check Yes or No” and “I Saw God Today.”

The ACM will tape a TV special in honor of Strait at the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas on April 6 to air at a later date.

[From NY Post]

On April 5, CMT Presidential poll runner-up Reba McEntire will host the 44th annual ACM awards, live from Las Vegas. If they voted on best country music awards show host, Reba would wipe the floor with Strait.

When Brad Paisley flew into the Nashville airport on his private plane after a concert with Jewel and Chuck Wicks, he was met with quite a surprise when exiting his plane. Waiting for him on the tarmac were two uniformed officers, and a camera crew, ready to intercept him.

Cuffing Paisley, the men said they had a warrant for his arrest for his involvement in “serious crimes.”

Replied a confused Paisley: “You’ve gotta be kidding me! I’ve never done anything wrong in my life.””

The country star, 35, was placed in the back of an unmarked car while one “officer” explained, “We have a Miss Jewel Murray who has filed 42 charges against you in the states of Texas and Tennessee for excessive noodling.”

[From People]

Paisley pled guilty to “noodling” on the guitar, a term I was completely unfamiliar with and had to look up, when he realized that he was being pranked and laughed and enjoyed the joke as he was cuffed. Noodling, for those as clueless as I was, is “to improvise a musical passage in a casual manner, esp. as a warm-up exercise.”

We’ve all heard the practical jokes tourmates pull on each other, and some of them get quite elaborate. Brad Paisley is one of those practical jokers on tour and he was getting as good as he gives from the sounds of things.

Paisley admired Jewel’s effort, which utilized two retired police officers. “This is absolutely as good as it gets. This is the best I’ve ever been had,” he said.

Paisley himself is no stranger to pranks, having once imprisoned tour mate Jack Ingram in a PVC pipe cage onstage.

More recently, he “tarred” (with syrup) and feathered fellow headliner Wicks while the “Stealing Cinderella” singer, 29, was performing, then played a video in front of the audience of Wicks’s girlfriend, Dancing with the Stars’s Julianne Hough – announcing she was dumping him.

[From People]

The best kind of sport is a good sport, and the best kind of practical joke adversary is one you know is going to get you back even better! Jewel should watch her back, I’m sure she’s next, and I’m sure it will be epic. The camera crew present at Paisley’s “arrest” was from Great American Country TV, so we should have filmed evidence of the joke soon.

Jessica Simpson’s professionalism – and I use that word as loosely as possible here – has taken a serious hit lately. She’s had a bunch of concert performances that were marred by her need to overshare about her bodily functions and babble incessantly in between songs. Then she had a near nipple slip at the Grand Ole Opry yesterday – though something tells me it’s not the venue’s first. Instead of turning around her bungled effort to ingratiate herself with the country music community, Jessica gave a disastrous performance this morning – which she actually stopped midway through, even though it was live television.

Jessica Simpson tripped up a rocky performance on live television Tuesday, the day of her latest album release. “Hold on, I know this is live TV but I can’t hear anything,” she said as she starting singing her quadruple platinum hit “With You” on Good Morning America. The music stopped, the crowd in Times Square went silent and then she counted down for her musicians to start again.

“It’s a natural place for me,” she said on GMA. “I’ve always been a country girl. It feels good to be on stage being myself.” Asked if she is excited to play aunt to younger sister Ashlee’s baby, due in November, Simpson responded: “I am! Oh my god! I can’t believe it!”

Simpson also referred to quarterback beau Tony Romo by yelling “Go Cowboys!” and warning Philadelphia Eagles fans, “That’s next week! We’re gonna kick your butts, too!”

[From Us Weekly]

Us noted that she “struggled” through the performance. I think she should avoid any direct reference to Tony Romo and football. That’s sure to rouse the ire of pretty much any man – with the odd exception of John Mayer, who defended Simpson’s purported jinx on Romo last season. She’d also do herself some favors not to say “butt” “barf” (which she uttered twice during a concert for music industry professionals) or make any references to her gas situation.

I know she’s always been somewhat uncouth, but it seems like she’s playing it up a lot lately. Honey people are going to like your music or they won’t. They’re not going to be distracted by you acting all “down to earth” and oversharing about the current state of your bowels or whatever. Get on stage, get the kinks worked out in advance, put on a good show, and get the hell out of there before anyone can ask questions. That’s my professional music advice for the day.

Here’s Jessica performing live for ‘Good Morning America’s Summer Concert Series’ in Bryant Park today. Images thanks to WENN.

Jessica Simpson keeps insisting on giving awkward and downright bad performances, along with oversharing about everything in her life, from her relationships to her bodily functions. Jessica gave what was clearly a nervous performance in Nashville recently, where she babbled incessantly and also talked about maybe needing to throw up.

You’d think Jessica Simpson would be an old pro at performing. But at the Nashville listening party for her new country album, Do You Know, on Thursday night, the singer was just a bit freaked out. “I’m a little nervous,” said Simpson to a crowd of nearly 200 record industry folks at the Schermerhorn Symphony Center. “If I throw up, I’m sorry.”

Brushing her blonde hair from her face, she continued: “Thank you so much for coming and for giving me a chance. I hope you get to experience what my heart’s been going through the last few years.”

Leading into “Remember That,” Simpson urged women “in that [abusive] situation to take their hearts and run.” She later smiled tearfully to her preacher dad Joe Simpson and mom Tina in the audience while explaining that “Pray Out Loud” is a song about faith and family. And before the bittersweet song, “Sippin’ on History,” Simpson said, “It’s about a relationship in my life that could have been a fairy tale, but wasn’t.”

Simpson got warm applause after each song. But she seemed most proud of something else entirely.

“I didn’t throw up!” Simpson exclaimed at the end of her set.

[From People]

And to think some people believe Simpson oozes anything but class! Her recent concert in Niagara Falls, Canada, was similarly panned (though much more specifically). The critic noted that she babbled too much, for too long, and in a completely pointless manner. And she does it before every single song, which ruins whatever momentum she gets going.

It almost seems compulsive. I can babble when I’m nervous, and as a rule the more nervous I am, the stupider the stuff that falls out of my mouth will be. But I try to stay mindful of this. Simpson is a professional, and should be able to control her incessant jabbering, whatever the reason. She needs some kind of life coach or something; basically that person that’ll tell you things your friends and employees won’t. First she’ll have to find someone she can pay to be around her, and considering how annoying she sounds, she may not have any lucky.

Celebitchy thinks that Jessica needs people to like her and is too much of a people pleaser. That makes sense… except you’d expect her to be more likeable. If this is her trying, that’s pretty sad.

Here’s Jessica Simpson and Ken Paves having dinner at Mr. Chow on August 11th. Images thanks to Fame.