To say that Heather Mills doesn’t know the meaning of graciousness would be quite the understatement. But clearly the vindictive woman (with a mouth that looks like a cow chewing its cud) has decided that she’s going to make every second of ex Paul McCartney’s life as miserable as she possibly can, even if she has to use their daughter to do it. As long as Heather’s making people miserable she’s happy, and that’s all that really matters. Heather’s been forced to let Sir Paul take daughter Beatrice, 4, on vacation next week to a lovely hotel in Morocco. But of course she couldn’t let a nice time just be a nice time.

Fussy Heather Mills has issued an amazing list of dietary demands for daughter Bea while she is on holiday with Sir Paul McCartney. She has faxed the five-star La Gazelle d’Or hotel in Morocco - where Macca plans to take the four-year-old next week - with EIGHT pages of instructions on what she can and can’t eat.

Heather, 40 - who recently won a £24million settlement from Sir Paul, 65 - is adamant that Bea’s strict vegan regime should be maintained. A source said: “Paul booked the break for some quality time with Bea. Now he’s found out that Heather has been driving the hotel staff mad, faxing both the head chef and manager instructions and recipe suggestions for Bea. Paul is furious. He is perfectly capable of looking after his own daughter - especially after successfully bringing up his other children on vegetarian diets.”

[From the Mirror]

Since Heather couldn’t be there in person to ruin the day, it seems that she’s relying on technology to do the job for her. It’s hard to say if she’s just freakishly controlling (obviously she is) or if she’s actually trying to be a total bitch. That’s probably a good question to ask about Mills in general. Is she trying to be such an annoying, bitchy, universally hated woman, or is it just who she is and she honestly has no clue? Either way, when a person is so controlling that she starts fax-lecturing the staff of a hotel on how to do their jobs to her specifications, it’s time someone figure out a way to muzzle the cow.

Here’s Heather Mills at her divorce hearing on March 17, 2008. Not that you’d want to see a lot of her – but she’s making some sort of hideous expression with her mouth in each and every photo. I literally could not find one photo from that day where her mouth and jaw weren’t in some bovine-esq shape. Maybe she should try closing it once in a while. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Heather Mills never ceases to amaze me with her delusional, self-absorbed deceitful behavior. The woman received a $48 million dollar settlement for four years of marriage and yet she still faulted her ex husband for not providing enough child support for their daughter, who will have to get by on a paltry $70k a year. In Mill’s rambling speech outside the courtroom on Monday, she said that “Beatrice gets £35,000 a year. She is meant to travel B-class when her father travels A-class. But obviously I will pay for that.”

It looks like Heather was lying through her capped teeth, because she’s the one who made her daughter Beatrice, four and a half, and the nanny fly home coach. Mills will enjoy the extra leg room and constant access to snacks and entertainment up in the first class section of another flight.

Mucca slammed ex Sir Paul McCartney on Monday for forcing the four-year-old to travel B Class after their bitter divorce — while he flew A Class.

She haughtily vowed to pay for Beatrice’s first-class travel herself.

But details obtained by The Sun show the one-legged gold-digger has ALREADY failed to live up to her pledge.

Heather, dubbed Pornocchio after her divorce judge branded her a scheming liar, jets to New York this weekend to rest after her court war with ex-Beatle Paul, 65.

But she is sending Bea home early with a minder and nanny in the £409 seats at the back of a Virgin jet.

Mucca, 40, will fly to LA the same day for a further three weeks before jetting home alone — in a £3,348 Virgin Upper Class berth.

[From The Sun via The Huffington Post]

Little kids don’t care whether they fly coach or not and most people endure the cramped conditions and annoyances of flying coach. Still, it’s less than sincere to bash your husband for making your daughter fly coach when you’re the one doing it, and you have the means to have her charter an entire plane if you wanted to.

Mills was caught out in another lie this week. She implied that she would donate her entire “Dancing With The Stars” earnings to charity. She earned $220,000 but only gave $100,000 to vegan activist group VIVA. It’s still a lot of money, but that’s chump change to Heather.

In her court documents declaring annual living expenses Heather cited annual costs of $80k for wine and $60k for horses along with over a million for security costs and $1.29 million for her properties and staff. The judge pointed out that Heather doesn’t drink or ride horses any more and called her demands “unreasonable” and “exorbitant.” [from People]

Maybe Heather is trying to cut back - by making her daughter and the nanny fly coach. She can’t be expected to give up throwing lavish parties and serving expensive wine.

This year’s Miss USA pageant is shaping up to be even more annoying than usual, if that’s possible. In addition to the standard fare of helmet hair, vaseline smiles, swimsuits and stupid questions that somehow always lead to the answer “World Peace,” the Donald Trump-produced cheesefest will also feature Donny and Marie Osmond as hosts.

Donnie [sic] and Marie Osmond will host the upcoming Miss USA pageant. The Miss Universe Organization says the brother-and-sister, song-and-dance stars will perform on the NBC Universal show April 11 from the Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino on the Las Vegas Strip. The network owns the pageant with real estate mogul Donald Trump.

Pageant executives say the telecast will represent the first time Donny and Marie Osmond have hosted a prime-time show together since 2000.

[From Associated Press]

As if a Donny and Marie reunion wasn’t reason enough to send you screaming from your television set, guess who’s signed on as a judge for the pageant? None other than that one-legged lawyer-soaker, Heather Mills.

“Extra” has exclusively learned that Heather Mills has been booked as a judge for The Miss USA Pageant, scheduled to take place on April 11 in Las Vegas.

Mills was a contestant on last season’s “Dancing with the Stars.” She was just been awarded almost $50 million in her divorce settlement with Sir Paul McCartney.

[From ExtraTV]

I really don’t see how this show could get any worse, unless Donald Trump decided to compete in the swimsuit portion of the evening. I guess you could turn it into a drinking game- every time Heather Mills says something crazy, you do a shot. And every time Marie Osmond plugs her creepy dolls, you chug a beer. You’ll be wasted by the time the talent competition starts- which, if you think about it, is the only way to watch this crap.

Donny and Marie Osmond are shown performing at the Osmond Family reunion on 8/14/07, thanks to PRPhotos.

McCartney and his lawyer, Fiona Shakelton, whose hair was wet after Mills threw a pitcher of water over her in court
The UK Telegraph has excerpts from the judge’s ruling on the Mills-McCartney divorce, and it’s a damn good read. The Judge outlines the way that Heather lied about her financial situation before she met Paul, blamed him for not supporting and advancing her career when the opposite was true, and generally said she was exaggerating and fibbing throughout. The judge also made it clear that Heather’s behavior in court, in which he caught her out in several lies, influenced the final amount of the settlement she was given. Mills walked away with $33 million in cash and $15.6 million in assets from her divorce from Sir Paul McCartney yesterday. McCartney’s fortune is estimated at from $800 million to $1.65 billion.

So much for Heather bragging that she saved $1.2 million by not using a real legal team in court. She probably cost herself $10 million more with that asinine move, and reading between the lines it sounds like she annoyed that judge every day he was on this case.

In his full ruling on the McCartney divorce, the judge was highly critical of Heather Mills’s evidence. Mr Justice Bennett wrote:

“The husband’s evidence was, in my judgment, balanced. He expressed himself moderately though at times with justifiable irritation, if not anger. He was consistent, accurate and honest.

“But I regret to have to say I cannot say the same about the wife’s evidence. Having watched and listened to her give evidence, having studied the documents, and having given in her favour every allowance for the enormous strain she must have been under (and in conducting her own case) I am driven to the conclusion that much of her evidence, both written and oral, was not just inconsistent and inaccurate but also less than candid. Overall she was a less than impressive witness.”

Addressing Miss Mills’s claim that Sir Paul failed to contribute to her charity work:

“I have to say that the facts as I find them to be do not support the wife’s case. Within two months of the parties meeting in May 1999 the husband donated £150,000 to the wife’s charity (the Heather Mills Health Trust). In December 2002 and again in December 2003 the husband made a gift of £250,000 outright to the wife, thus plainly giving her the opportunity to make donations to charity.”

He concluded:

“I find that, far from the husband dictating to and restricting the wife’s career and charitable activities, he did the exact opposite, as he says. He encouraged it and lent his support, name and reputation to her business and charitable activities. The facts as I find them do not in any way support her claim. “Compensation” therefore does not arise.”

And he attacked Miss Mills for exaggerating how much money she needs to live:

“These items in her budget which I have touched upon above, illustrate generally speaking, how unreasonable (even generously interpreted) are the claimed needs of the wife. In the absence of any sensible proposal by the wife as to her income needs I must do the best I can on the material I have.

“If the wife feels aggrieved about what I propose she only has herself to blame. If, as she has done, a litigant flagrantly over-eggs the pudding and thus deprives the court of any sensible assistance, then he or she is likely to find that the court takes a robust view and drastically prunes the proposed budget.”

Making his final financial ruling, the judge again criticised Miss Mills for making exaggerated, unsubstantiated demands:

“If the wife considers that my adjudication to be unfairly low, then I would say this. In the end it is for the applicant in ancillary relief proceedings to make a rational and logical case for the award that is sought. If an applicant puts forward an excessive, indeed exorbitant, “claim” which then she (or he) attempts to moderate by way of open offers, but which offers still fail to be supported by rational and logical bases, then the applicant has only herself (or himself) to blame if the court awards much less than what the applicant expects.

“This case is a paradigm example of an applicant failing to put a rational and logical case and thus failing to assist the court in its quasi-inquisitorial role to reach a fair result.”

[From Telegraph.co.uk via Gossip Rocks]

Heather Mills said she was oh so happy with her $33 million and now there’s word that she plans to move to the states and annoy the fuck out of the Americans with the help of sneering lawyer Gloria Allred. Maybe if she would have kept her lawyers for her divorce case she would have even more money to use to get attention for how she’s been personally wronged by just about everyone she’s dealt with in life.

Heather did get her petty revenge on McCartney’s lawyer, Fiona Shakleton, by throwing a jug of water over her in court yesterday. She was said to have done it after learning that she was only going to take home $33 million. Mills has accused Shakleton of calling her names, and during her impromptu press conference yesterday and on Larry King Live she was careful to add that Shakleton was supposedly mean to her “when I was in a wheelchair.”

Just when you thought it was safe to diss the crazy, loudmouthed and now officially ex wife of Paul McCartney, sources are reporting that freshly-made millionaire Heather Mills has hired ballbusting attorney Gloria Allred and plans to travel to the U.S. soon. What does the U.S. have to do with anything? Can’t we be left out of it?

With at least $33 million burning a hole in her pocket, Heather Mills has hired Gloria Allred to be her advocate in the United States.

Gloria, who says she’s honored to represent Heather, tells PageSix.com, “Heather was delighted with the outcome today. It was about justice. Heather was a winner before she met Paul, and she will continue to be a winner. I admire Heather for her charity work.”

Heather told reporters today that she didn’t want the judgment to be made public because it would reveal information about the daughter she has with McCartney, Beatrice. Gloria tells us, “It’s my preference that everything be kept private because of Heather’s daughter. However, if it’s going to be made public, then everything should be made public, including the complete transcripts from the proceedings. Heather has often been treated unfairly.”

Tomorrow, a London court will decide how much information is released to the public. Allred wouldn’t comment about Mills’ future travel plans to the U.S.

[From Page Six]

First of all, why on earth does Heather Mills need to come anywhere near the U.S.? Nobody here likes her, and she is definitely not going to win over any hearts and minds with Gloria Allred as her mouthpiece. Heather didn’t want the judgment to be made public? Are you freakin’ kidding me? She was standing on the front steps of the courthouse blabbing her face off as soon as the judgment was made! And don’t even get me started on Gloria Allred. That woman takes the phrase “publicity whore” to an entirely new– and disgusting– level. I really can’t think of two more insipid, vile women on the planet than these two.

I sure am going to miss Heather’s old publicist. Remember her wacky YouTube videos, and how she tried to paint a sympathetic picture of a woman so poor, she “had to drive a PT Cruiser”? Well, now that Heather has her hooks into Paul’s money, she’s not messing around anymore. The Daily Mail estimated that Heather received 700 pounds for every hour she was married to Paul. Relatively speaking, I’d say that’s a bargain. Maybe she should call Eliot Spitzer once she arrives in the U.S. I hear he’s looking for a new whore to spend his money on these days.

The final numbers are in for the Mills McCartney divorce settlement, and The Daily Mail overestimated slightly this weekend with their prediction of a $50 million lump sum payment plus child support. Mills will get $33 million plus $15.6 million in assets. It’s a lot of money but is only a fraction of her husband’s net worth, which the judge put at $800 million but Mills claims is closer to $1.65 billion. Mills was married to McCartney for four years and they have a four and a half year old daughter, Beatrice.

Mills gave a long rambling press conference after she left court this morning. She said she was pleased with the settlement and talked about how smart she was for handling it herself and saving £600k which will now go to charity. She didn’t seem to grasp that she could have been awarded even more money if she would have kept her high-powered legal team. She also talked about how she was wronged by McCartney’s divorce attorney, and said “Fiona Shackleton [McCartney’s lawyer] has very sadly handled this case in the worst manner you could ever imagine. She has called me many, many names before meeting me when I was in a wheelchair.”

Ms Mills also launched an angry outburst against her husband’s victory on where their daughter would live and how much she would get each year.

“Beatrice gets £35,000 a year. She is meant to travel B-class when her father travels A-class.

“Paul has always wanted Beatrice to go to a state school. He insisted that he wanted us to move to that area [East Sussex] - £35,000 includes £17,000 for school fees.”

“He tried to get our daughter with joint residency, even though we had gone 50-50. In that way he has got everything he wanted, but that’s what powerful people get.”

Ms Mills complained about the judge’s assessment of her husband’s wealth.

“He also said that Paul is only worth £400 million. Everyone knows that he has been worth £800 million for the last 15 years.

“Paul has always wanted it public because he wants to look like generous Sir Paul.”

“I was locked out of every home. I really hope now that me and my daughter can have a life and not be followed every day. Apart from one television thing I have stayed quiet for 21 months. If the judgment had been kept private I would not be out here speaking.”

She added: “I can’t leave England. Believe me if I tried to go he’d have an injunction on me in a second.”

Describing herself as a “campaigning girl” she called on people to represent themselves in court but urged couples to do their best to resolve their problems immediately.

She said: “I’m so glad it’s over, it was an incredible result in the end to secure mine and my daughter’s future and that of all the charities that I obviously plan on helping and making a difference with - because you know it has been my life for 20 years.

“Obviously the court do not want a litigant in person to do well, it’s against everything that they ever wish, so when they write the judgment up they’re never going to make it look in favour.

“But all of you that have researched know that it was always going to be a figure between £20 and £30 million, Paul was offering a lot less than that, which you’ll see in the judgment, and very much last minute to put me and Beatrice sadly through this … incredibly sad.”

[From The Daily Mail]

Wow, Heather Mills, your daughter was so wronged by only getting $70k a year to live on. That’s just $35,000 after school fees. How is she ever going to eat and clothe herself? I don’t suppose you could spare some of that $33 million plus you just got to go toward your daughter’s travel expenses so she doesn’t have to fly coach business class. Having to attend public school and travel second class are such hardships for a child.

Unlike Heather Mills, Sir Paul just said “Thank you” and waved as he left court.

Update: thanks to commentor nylon for pointing out that Heather was bitching about “B class,” not coach. “B class” probably means business class. That’s even less of a complaint.

Also, here’s a clip of part of Heather’s speech outside court. Thanks to MSNBC and Redlasso.

If you are a woman who is lucky or conniving enough to snare a billionaire, the key to ensuring your future wealth is to get knocked up as soon as possible. Heather Mills married billionaire musician and widower Sir Paul McCartney, who is reported to be worth £825 million, $1.65 billion USD, in June, 2002. Their daughter Beatrice was born in October, 2003. In May, 2006 they announced their official separation. Reports put Heather Mills’ lump sum divorce settlement at £25 million, or $50 million USD, an amount that was determined by the judge and is expected to be officially announced on Monday.

That makes around $17,000 a day for every day Mills was with McCartney. She will also receive a “maintenance” payment, or child support, every year until Beatrice is 18. The exact amount Mills will receive in child support may be kept private by the courts, but it could be £1.5 a year, or $3 million USD, which would bring her final settlement up to around $93 million USD.

Heather Mills is to receive a divorce settlement of up to £46million from Sir Paul McCartney.

The former model will get an immediate lump sum payment of £25million from the ex-Beatle.

But she has told friends she also hopes to be given maintenance of up to £1.5million a year as the main carer of the couple’s four-year-old daughter, Beatrice, until the girl turns 18.

Since it is directly related to Beatrice however, the maintenance figure may never be made public in the settlement handed down by High Court judge Mr Justice Bennett.

Miss Mills, 40, had been fighting for £2.5million a year from 65-year-old Sir Paul to cover such costs as security for her and her daughter.

But she is understood to be expecting much less in the final agreement, which is also linked to a confidentiality clause.

Mr Justice Bennett is yet to officially tell either party his decision on the level of any annual payment – if indeed any is given.

Details of the settlement were reportedly contained in a preliminary High Court judgment sent to the estranged couple and their legal advisers this week.

The official verdict will be handed down on Monday, bringing an end to one of the most costly and acrimonious divorce battles in British history. Legal bills alone could be as high as £10million.

The judge sent each team of lawyers his preliminary judgment on the lump sum this week under strict orders not to reveal the contents.

Neither party is likely to object to the basic details being divulged.

A source said: “On an analysis of the case law, Mills was always going to receive around £25million. I think it’s fair to say the judge has not erred from that.

[From The Daily Mail]

We’ll have to see on Monday if this is true, as the Daily Mail has been incorrect with previous scoops on the Mills-McCartney divorce.

If this story is accurate, the woman that quickly became one of England’s most hated will be walking away with about 3% of her ex husband’s net worth along with substantial ongoing child support, and more than enough to live on for the rest of her life. The real test now is how much Mills, an ardent animal rights activist, will give to charity and if she will start her own charity with this windfall.

Whatever she does, I think I speak for a lot of people by wishing that she would keep a low profile. The public is fed up with seeing her sneering mug all over the papers. She’s said that she might move to Poland or the Czech Republic, but it’s doubtful she’ll be happy living out of the spotlight. She’ll want us to watch her spend that money. Look for a trip to LA in Mills’ immediate future.

Heather Mills is shown outside of court on 2/18/08. Paul McCartney is shown outside of court on 2/14/08, thanks to PRPhotos.

Update: The official settlement in the Mills McCartney divorce was $33 million plus $15.6 million in assets.

Does anyone like Heather Mills? She might have been voted one of Britain’s sexiest women, but I’m not sure you have to like someone to be sexually attracted to them. Her father is the latest person to come out and say she’s not exactly the poster child for a good divorce. In fact, the word he uses is “greedy”

Mark Mills claims his 40-year-old daughter should have settled months ago after the former Beatle made his first big money offer. He says, “He’s offered her multi-millions. She should take that and stop what she’s doing. It’s plenty.

“She’s being greedy. How much does she need?”

Contact Music

I absolutely agree that she is greedy. Paul McCartney has come to her defense saying that Heather didn’t marry him for money, but she is clearly divorcing him for the cash! While I appreciate that as a single mother she does need to care for her daughter, and given that Paul has two other children she needs to do her best to protect their daughter Beatrice’s inheritance, but it seems to me she is exactly what her father says: greedy. Paul is said to have offered her a rumored £15 million settlement, which she supposedly rejected, with the amount to now be determined by the judge.

The divorce is going to be settled on March 17, and it will be public property. Hopefully the judge does not decide to split Sir Paul’s assets in half, but instead gives Heather and Beatrice a home to live in, and a nominal amount of money that represents the fact that Paul and Heather were only married for four years.

One reason that Heather might not be able to agree to settle is that Sir Paul wants to stop her talking about their relationship. Hopefully the judge agrees with him, and gets her mouth sewn up.

Note by Celebitchy: Heather Mills has accused her father of hitting her in the past, and he spoke out against his daughter in October, 2006 calling her a “liar” and saying that “They were false allegations about me and she’s doing the same thing now to him. The difference is that I can’t defend myself whereas McCartney can. I hope he really goes to town. Heather is mad. She’s doing it for the money.” [From Contact Music]

Heather Mills is shown outside of court on 2/18/08. Paul McCartney is shown outside of court on 2/14/08. Thanks to PRPhotos.

One of our favorite things to do here at Celebitchy is to give Heather Mills a hard time. She seems to be pretty much universally hated, has a bad attitude and a sucking-on-a-lemon face, and generally looks like a cow chewing it’s cud at least 93 percent of the time. And from the comments, it seemed like nearly everyone agreed. So I’m not sure exactly how to interpret the fact that FHM magazine is claiming that Heather has managed to make it on their list of the world’s 100 sexiest women.

Former glamor model Heather Mills is set to be crowned one of the world’s sexiest women in a new poll. Mills has shocked bosses at British magazine FHM by racking up more than 1,000 votes a day in their online poll to name the world’s 100 most attractive females. The magazine claims the 40-year-old’s popularity has been heightened by her very public divorce to veteran rocker Sir Paul McCartney. Chris Bell, FHM’s deputy editor, says, “Heather Mills has always been vilified as a gold-digger with a dubious past. But readers have realised she’s about to become the world’s most eligible - and richest - women.” Mills is currently number 95 on the top 100 list - ahead of socialite Paris Hilton, singer Gwen Stefani and actress Kirsten Dunst.

[From Contact Music]

I’ll wait while you pick your jaw off the floor. How is this even possible? Could it be that the numbers are lying? Could all the numbers be lying? Could this be evidence that math isn’t really real, or true, or accurate? Could Heather Mills getting on this list actually shake the very fundamental concepts of physics? Might the universe actually implode now? I’m guessing that – considering this poll was done online and voted for by anyone – Heather somehow had a bunch of people voting for her everyday. FHM doesn’t say if they logged IP addresses and/or did anything to prevent people from voting multiple times. But if this world makes ANY sense, Heather Mills must have beaten the system. There is no freaking way that creature is one of the 100 sexiest women, I don’t care how much money she’s worth. I would bet most men would rather sleep with a Paris Hilton-Gwen Stefani-Kirsten Dunst hybrid with no eyeballs, no hair, and only one limb that’s located in the middle of the hybrid’s sternum than sleep with Heather Mills on her very sexiest day. I truly feel ill.

Here’s Heather Mills at her divorce hearing on 2/18/2008. Images thanks to PR Photos.