A “Heather Mills is a bitch” story always makes my day a little better. Mostly, I love these stories because I know that in Heather’s mind, she’s always a saint, an icon of generosity, honesty, humanity, and all that is good in the world. I’m sure in Heather’s mind, she’s never done anything wrong – she is always the victim, trod-upon, yet tough and resilient, able to overcome what turns out to be her personality disorder.

Over the weekend, Heather attended a polo match in Bridgehampton, and she decided to tell People Magazine all about her daughter with Paul McCartney, five-year-old Beatrice. Some of what Heather says is really cute – Beatrice is a good dancer, and all of the kids at Beatrice’s summer camp try to copy her little English accent. But Heather also dropped the word that Beatrice’s favorite album is the Beach Boys’ Pet Sounds. Gah! Beatrice doesn’t even get to listen to her dad’s band. Well, we don’t know that for sure. Pet Sounds is a good album. But I’d rather listen to The White Album.

She may be the youngest Beatle scion at age 5, but Paul McCartney’s daughter Beatrice enjoys grooving to another legendary 1960s rock band.

“She likes the Beach Boys,” Beatrice’s mother, Heather Mills, told PEOPLE at a polo event Saturday in Bridgehampton, N.Y. Her favorite song to sing? “God Only Knows” from Pet Sounds, the classic Beach Boys album that traditionally dukes it out with the Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper for the title of greatest album ever.

“She’s always been into music. It’s innate,” Mills said. “And she’s a great dancer.”

Beatrice has been enjoying a nice holiday in the Hamptons, says her mother, and getting a chance to mingle with other kids. “She tried a day at summer camp,” Mills said. “All the kids were copying her English accent, which was quite funny.”

Mills, 41, who was divorced from Paul McCartney in 2008, was in Bridgehampton for the Mercedes-Benz Polo Challenge at Blue Star Jets Field. While in the Hamptons, she’s also doing some promotion for a new vegan product line of hers.

“Even at lunch today, at the Southampton Beach Club, the people sitting next to me were having cow’s milk,” she said. “So I said, try soya. It’s better for you. And I brought them a little care packet.”

[From People]

Oh. My. God. Heather “brought them a little care packet”! She’s so considerate, isn’t she? So benevolent! Heather continued her little soliloquy saying, “The people were so grateful that I gave them the splendiferous gift of soy milk – from my own teats, mind you, which I wrapped up in recycled birthday paper with a soy bow – that they told me what everyone always tells me, that I will win a Nobel Peace Prize one day, because everybody tells me I deserve it.” And then Heather farted, and it smelled like honeysuckle. “Pardon me,” Heather said, embarrassed, yet resilient.

Here’s Heather and Beatrice working together to put the finishing touches to her new Vegan café on June 27th. Images thanks to BauerGriffinOnline.

Heather Mills has the army of justice on her side. She has Honor and Truth and other noble things you must Capitalize. Because she is Heather Mills, and no one is more righteous. Unfortunately she’s been the constant victim of the vicious British press, which forces people to hate Heather. How? Through writing nasty things about her – which have not once ever been even a teeny tiny bit true – and mind control. Flat out. Luckily because Heather is so righteous, she also has karma on her side, and she’s comforted by the fact – yes, pretty much a fact – that those who write bad things about her will get cancer and die.

Heather Mills has warned that karma comes back to haunt journalists who publish “lies” about her personal life.

The former glamour model, who is a long-time critic of the British press, claimed that justice has always been served against her enemies in the media.

Speaking to The Observer, she insisted: “The truth always outs in the end – no-one gets away with those things.

“Certain journalists have written horrible things, and then they’ve got cancer, or they’ve had a tumour, or they’ve died. And it’s terrible for them, but they’ve done really evil things. I truly believe things come back round.”

Mills added that she often relies on the Press Complaints Commission to clear her name when stories upset her.

She commented: “It took me two years. But I’ve won all my cases.”

In April this year, the charity campaigner vowed to continue her battles against the media, explaining: “I plan to clear the internet so my daughter doesn’t read all the lies when she’s 12.”

[From Digital Spy]

Hm, I wonder what kind of person it makes you when you’re wishing cancer, tumors, and death on people? You know what else would make them not write horrible things about you Heather? Not doing horrible things or being a horrible person. That helps a lot, and then you don’t even have to go to the trouble of wishing plagues and boils on them or anything. Saves everyone some time.

One of the great and horrible things about the internet is that once something’s on there, you can never get rid of it completely. There’s always some cached page. So Heather ridding the internet of all the “lies” printed about her is about as useful as trying to ban boobs from the web. It just isn’t gonna happen.

Wonder when karma’s gonna get Heather?

Thanks to Carboangel for the tip!

Here’s Heather leaving the ‘This Morning’ studios after appearing on the show to demonstrate her cooking skills and recipes on July 14th in London. Images thanks to INF Photo.

Hand to God, the fourth boy I ever kissed in my life had the exact same hair as Heather Mills. His name was Aaron, he was a cool skater boy, and he had the same long-in-front, swooped ‘do, and he even bleached it that same straw-yellow/near-white color. He had the same gross-looking roots too. We made out underneath a blanket on a friend’s couch, and I let him go to second base as we listened to dialogue from The Shining. I was fourteen. That’s my excuse. What Heather’s excuse for that hair? It reminds me a little of old-school Annie Lennox, but Heather isn’t cool enough to even hold Annie’s coat.

Anyway, these are photos from Heather’s triumphant return to the spotlight – her new vegan restaurant V-Bites. Last week, we saw Heather Mills in shockingly clean overalls as she pretended to “paint” V-Bites, so I guess all of those months of renovating the place paid off. This place was originally a fish joint. Heather bought it, fired everyone and told them never to come back, ever, and spent several months renovating the place to her specifications. Way to win over the neighborhood, Heather:

Heather Mills went fishing for attention today by risking life and limb to climb up on the roof of her controversial new vegan café – which replaces a popular seafood restaurant.

Despite her famous disability – she has a prosthetic leg after being hit by a motorcycle – she scaled a ladder to stand on top of the art deco building.

The animal rights campaigner provoked outrage among residents in her home town of Hove, East Sussex, when she snapped up the popular Big Fish café for £140,000 only to reveal she was taking fish off the menu.

Ms Mills, who clinched a £24million settlement in her divorce from Sir Paul McCartney last year, also laid off the Big Fish staff and told them they would not be re-employed when the renovated café reopened.

Up on the roof of her café … Ms Mills leant against the neon V-Bites sign and addressed the crowd who had turned out for her all-day opening party.

The former glamour model, 41, who has spent months refurbishing the former fish bar, recruited a DJ and Glenn Miller-style band for today’s launch.

Wearing chef’s whites decorated with the V-Bites logo, Ms Mills said: ‘My vision was to create a place for all the community to enjoy. I am very excited about the future and look forward to inviting everybody to Hove Lagoon this summer.’

The restaurant will serve recipes created by Heather, including bangers and mash, chicken-style nut korma, salads, English breakfast, and Pad Thai served with rice noodles.

Ms Mills’s ambitions will not be satisfied with her Hove restaurant. She hopes to turn V-Bites into a chain of outlets to challenge burger bars worldwide.

[From The Daily Mail]

Bless her heart, I suppose. At least she’s not creating more of a ruckus. I think firing all of the original employees must have soothed her for several months. She’s probably due for another mass-firing soon. I really think that’s what she’s going to do from now on – she’ll buy a small business, fire everyone, redo the business, spend millions of dollars, then run that business into the ground. Rinse and repeat. Hopefully at some point in that grueling schedule she can get her roots done.

Photo credit: WENN.com

I never give Heather Mills credit for anything. Not one thing. She has literally donated millions of dollars to hungry kids, and I still hate every single thing about her. But if I had to give her credit for something – aside from the feeding hungry kids (vegan food, but still), she’s either really putting her heart and soul into her new vegan restaurant or she knows a good picture op when she sees one. I’ll let you guess which one I’m going with.

Heather was photographed in painter’s overalls on Saturday working away on the restaurant, which she hopes to open next month. There were also plenty of snaps of her ordering other people around, but she seems to actually be putting some muscle into it. She’s also continuing to save the world, one vegan burger at a time.

An animal rights activist, charity campaigner and advocate for amputees, Heather Mills has rarely shied away from hard work. The former model abandoned her glamorous background again today to put on overalls and a cap to paint and scrub the newly whitewashed walls of her vegan cafe V-Bites in Brighton.

A small army of friends and Heather’s young daughter Beatrice helped out on the renovations, but the 41-year-old appeared to be doing the bulk of the work as she rushed around with pots of paint, brushes and rollers. She is hoping the cafe will open next month, and plans to cook on Sundays, serving up her specialty of roast – but of course minus the beef.

The animal rights campaigner is a vegan – someone who’s strictly against eating any animal or dairy products – and has established a range of vegetarian food products which still bear her name. Sir Paul McCartney’s ex-wife, who clinched £24million in the divorce, bought the former Big Fish Cafe for £140,000 earlier this year.

Heather is determined to change people’s perceptions of vegan food. ‘They just think that it’s boring nut roasts and lots of hippy people who they think haven’t washed for months but they do, but that’s not what being vegan is about,’ she told an audience at last month’s Brighton Foodies Festival in East Sussex.

‘It’s about being animal friendly, saving the environment and the planet. The biggest contributor of global warming is the consumption of meat and dairy, but of course they are not going to tell you that.’ Heather cooked dishes such as a leafy green and beefy stir fry (no beef, soy bean patty instead) and creamy sweetcorn chowder.

[From the Daily Mail via Gossip Rocks]

The chowder sounds okay, I’ll give her that. But that leafy green soy bean patty stir fry I could probably do without. Heather had a lot of protest when she first bought the restaurant, which was a much beloved local fish shack that had been around for ages. Depriving Brits of fish and chips is a dangerous gamble indeed, especially when you’re replacing them with soy nuggets.

Not surprisingly, Heather is stubbornly sticking to her plan, and it’ll be interesting to see how it turns out. She’s an immensely unpopular woman in Brittan, serving fairly unpopular food. Now if somehow her recipes are unique and particularly good, she could still end up doing alright. I have a few vegan friends, and they don’t have a lot of decent dining out options. I’ve learned vegans will go to a lot of trouble to have a decent, exciting meal every so often. They will possibly even overlook Heather Mills. Though they’re known as a highly principled, ethical sort, so probably not.

Images thanks to WENN.com .

This is just a little story to make your day better. Heather Mills, ex-wife of Paul McCartney, recently tweeted that she totally wiped out on the slippery floor of a grocery store and her prosthetic leg went flying. Heather tweeted that she “slipped on spilled milk while being followed down supermarket aisle by two teenage boys, ended up on my ass but they rescued my leg and me.” Slipped on spilled milk? Being followed by two boys? Who then rescued her? As much as I want to savor the mental image of Heather going ass over tea kettle, this story reeks of Heather’s well-documented delusions. But still, enjoy:

Heather Mills has admitted that she recently lost her leg in a supermarket after slipping on a wet floor.

The former model, who lost her left limb when she was hit by a police motorcycle in 1993, recounted the incident on her Twitter page.

“Slipped on spilled milk while being followed down supermarket aisle by two teenage boys, ended up on my ass but they rescued my leg and me,” she wrote.

Mills, 41, also revealed that she had given Susan Boyle her “sympathy vote” in the Britain’s Got Talent final because “she is talented and has been built up and torn down. People lose courage for no reason and think what’s the point in trying”.

[From Digital Spy]

The first thing that came to mind was “that poor supermarket is going to get sued because Heather Mills is just that deranged.” But probably not – Heather seems to be keeping a tight grip on her huge divorce settlement, so perhaps she’ll give this grocery store a pass. God knows, it probably didn’t even happen. The story seems to have all of the right pieces for a typical Heather Mills delusion – she’s the damsel in distress, yet pluckish and good-humored; there are noble men waiting in wings to “rescue” Heather; there is the evil, faceless corporate/political/socioeconomic bad man – the supermarket – who is too interested in the bottom line to clean up the spilled milk; and lastly, there is the milk itself, a symbol of purity and motherhood, which destroys Heather’s gentle countenance. Heather’s delusions have gotten quite literary. Props to her.

Heather Mills is shown in the header at the airport in LA on 5/28/09. Credit: MATEI/CHRIS/bauergriffinonline.com. She is also shown in London at the airport below on 5/29/09. Credit: bauergriffinonline

Heather Mills – the woman who’s unfounded ego knows no bounds – was dropped as the face of a video game after she demanded ten times the money producers offered her. Not only that, but they’d offered her the money in exchange for using her likeness for one of the game’s many characters. The reason being that the character has a prosthetic arm, and Heather has a prosthetic leg. They thought she’d identify and somehow be good for the project. But the only thing Mills identifies with is money. Well, that and self worship. And she told them it would take ten times whatever figure they’d offered. And she also demanded that instead of her character being one of many, they base the entire game on her. Totally rational. So they told her to take a hike.

HEATHER MILLS was reportedly dropped as the face of a new computer game after she demanded ten times more money than bosses had originally offered to pay her.

Sir Paul MCCartney’s ex-wife was approached by the makers of Capcom’s Bionic Commando, about a character with a prosthetic arm, because of her own experiences as an amputee, according to British newspaper The Sun.

But Mills, who lost her lower left leg in a traffic accident, is said to have told company heads she would only participate if she could be the game’s star – and if she was given a hefty six-figure sum.

A source tells the tabloid, “She was insistent she wouldn’t do it for a smaller fee and said the producers should make her the star.

“The request was way, way over budget and they certainly weren’t keen on basing the game on her.

[From Contact Music]

I can’t help but wonder: at what point are you deemed so irrational that you can be locked up? The line between irrational and insane is really fuzzy, and I feel like Heather crossed over long ago. But do you actually have to cause someone physical harm to be locked up? Heather’s definitely crazy enough that she’ll end up there eventually, but I think the mental health system should do its best to stop her beforehand. And frankly, I don’t believe straightjackets are used nearly as much as they should be. Especially for delusional almost-but-not-really celebrities. And hey, Heather’s next video game character could be the one with her arms bound to her chest and the sleeves tied in a special knot while she angrily tries to eat a vegan tofu dog.

Here’s Heather demonstrating her vegan cooking skills at the Foodies Festival in Brighton, England on Saturday. I literally could not find one single picture where she wasn’t doing something horrible with her mouth. Images thanks to WENN.com .

Heather Mills will never be done complaining about how hard she has it. Even if she got every red cent Paul McCartney ever made; even if she took a poll and every single person in the world said they loved her more than they loved their own children; even if hundred dollar bills and vegan hamburger patties came out her butt on command, Heather Mills will never be done complaining about how hard she has it. Though that last hypothetical example is probably true. Moving on…

Heather still says she didn’t get nearly enough money in her divorce settlement – even though she got over $50 million.

Sir Paul McCartney’s former wife Heather Mills is still seething over the $33.6 million (£24 million) divorce settlement she received from the former Beatle.

McCartney divorced Mills in March last year (08) and the former model used a speech at a London show for vegetarian charity Viva to complain the sum she received wasn’t high enough.

Mills says, “I got five per cent of what we earned together in seven years. And we earned it together, I worked my butt off doing the tours and everything.”

Outspoken Mills, who charges up to $102,000 (£75,000) a time as an after-dinner speaker, also complained she has become unpopular: “Everyone thinks I’m nuts because I speak the truth and I’m very outspoken. The meat industry hate me, the dairy industry hate me, the Beatle industry hate me, the landmine industry. So I have a lot of enemies out there. But I also have a lot of support.”

[From the Post Chronicle]

It’s funny, I do hear a lot about Heather’s enemies… not so much about her support. I guess “a lot” is a relative term. I mean if you’re the type that thinks you got a bad deal at $50 million, you probably have a skewed view of numbers. “A lot” to Heather could easily mean six. Which, honestly, I think is a generous guess on my part.

It’s been reported that Heather has already blown through half of her divorce settlement. It’s gone to important things like a really expensive pool. Though to be fair, she did donate over $1 million worth of vegan food to a New York City food bank. If she’d stayed on the path of not being a totally soul-destroying bitch – even if she were just half a soul-destroying bitch – I could maybe… no, never mind. She’s a lost cause no matter what. Heather needs to figure out a way to market her “most hated” status somehow. Maybe if there were a job for making little children cry or throwing rocks at three-legged turtles. Something like that. But she needs to find her niche.

Here’s Heather checking into Los Angeles International Airport to catch a flight out on March 6th. Images thanks to BauerGriffinOnline.

Heather Mills says she isn’t done with her campaign to force the press to be nice to her. And she isn’t going about it the logical way; by doing good things and being a good person and not disgusting everyone with the way she moves her jaw like a cow chewing its cud. Heather still prefers the legal system, and forcing the press not to report on the fact that she’s an insane bitch.

Oh, and she’s going to rid the internet of all the lies about her. Because we all know how easy it is to get something unfavorable off the web.

Heather Mills has vowed to continue her high-profile battle against the British media.

The ex-wife of Sir Paul McCartney has already taken legal action against a number of outlets after growing tired of reading “damaging” rumours about her personal life.

“I stopped reading stories about myself a number of years ago. I just thought ‘this is just a waste of time’, but recently I’ve been going through the internet, clearing up [rumours],” Mills told WENN.

“I’ve got five apologies so far from [the] British media and I’ve got many thousands to go. I plan to clear the internet so my daughter doesn’t read all the lies when she’s 12.”

Mills famously broke down in tears in a 2007 interview with GMTV, claiming that she had received “worse press than a murderer or paedophile” following her split from McCartney.

She later described her campaign as “cathartic” and thanked the public for their “amazing” support.

[From Digital Spy]

Hey Heather, just a little piece of basic internet info: once something’s on the interweb, you can never get it off. It always remains, somehow, somewhere.

During that infamous GMTV interview in 2007 Mills also said she’d considered killing herself because of how terribly the press treats her. It was blatantly manipulative, and you get the sense she’s just throwing out the worst, most dramatic threat she can think of.

This idea is novel in its simplicity, but if I ever got the chance to ask Heather Mills one question, it would be, “Have you ever thought of just being likable?” She could do away with the lawyers and the bad interviews if she just worked on her terrible personality. You can’t force people to like you.

Even if Heather wins a few more of her cases against the British press, she’ll never be happy. Sure, they won’t be able to say quite so many slanderous things, but Heather clearly wants to be liked – actually, more like adored and worshiped. And she can’t litigate her way into that. Not that she ever will be any of those things no matter what she does. But you’d think that – considering it’s obviously so important to her – she’d actually try. And the only way to accomplish that is to attempt likeability.

Or, you know, just not doing this with your face:

Heather’s mouth is shown at the Farm Sanctuary Gala 2008 at Cipriani’s Wall Street in New York last May. Images thanks to WENN.com .

In the fall of 2007, Heather Mills called for a boycott of The Sun Magazine due to the tabloid’s audacity at printing negative articles about her. She started an obnoxious red background website, YouCare.com, (currently under construction) in which she called The Sun “The Scum” and called out the publication for what she claimed was a “Human Rights Violation” for its articles about her hooker past and money grubbing present:

Human Rights Violation
There has been such a barrage of libelous articles printed against Heather that it became impossible to take action against every offending article and publication, as to pursue all of these in the courts would have been extremely expensive, emotionally exhausting and impossibly time consuming. This barrage of abuse constituted a human rights violation and has highlighted the need for greater protection of the individual in regards to their privacy in the British Justice System. Without this greater protection it seems our newspapers have become the propaganda machines of the powerful. There are however three outstanding libel actions against British Newspapers by Heather Mills.

[From YouCare.com, past version]

It looks like The Sun tried to pay Heather back for talking so much crap about them. The 41 year-old former nude model and general blight on her native England claims that a representative from News Corp, which owns The Sun, set up a fake “marital” charity to try and get her to spill the beans on her relationship with Sir Paul McCartney. Unfortunately Heather figured out the ruse and is now pressing charges against the paper:

Heather Mills, ex-wife of Paul McCartney, says a reporter set up a fake charity to trick her into dishing dirt on her marriage to the ex-Beatles superstar and their infamous divorce. Mills’ accusations are the latest battle in a long-running war between the wealthy ex-model and the British tabloid media, including News Corp., the media empire owned by billionaire Rupert Murdoch, where Mills believes the alleged sting originated.

Mills says that in January her agent was approached by a Dr. Erika Taylor, claiming to be with an American-based charity called Marital Understanding. ‘Dr. Taylor’ was inviting Mills to speak at their black-tie gala in Los Angeles for a fee of $60,000, which would have been donated to the charity Mines Advisory Group.

But Mills and her agent grew skeptical when they saw the alleged organization’s very amateurish website – not to mention the URL – which ended in .com, not .org as most legitimate non-profit organizations do.

In fact, there is no such charity called Marital Understanding, according to the California Secretary of State’s office. No non-profit organization called Marital Understanding has filed a 990 form in California. The California Secretary of State’s office confirmed that no charity by that name is in their database. The website, maritalunderstanding.com, has since been taken down…

The Metropolitan Police are determining whether or not there will be a criminal investigation into the matter. The Crown Prosecution Service is also advising the police in the matter which they say is “under review”.

“I hope the police look into this case seriously,” Mills told ABCNews.com. “It’s one thing to report the news, but a wholly different matter to try to create news by attempting a sting like this.”

[From ABCNews.com]

Heather Mills is a master manipulator and a liar and in this case it takes one to know one. She has complained about this incident to the “British Press Complaints Commission, an independent panel that arbitrates editorial complaints about news organizations,” and ABCNews notes that all five of her past complaints have earned her retractions and/or apologies. She knows how to work the system and how to play the victim. Mills has a penchant for extreme melodrama however and overplayed her hand during her divorce enough to cost herself tens of millions in settlement cash.

The things that surprised me about this story were that The Sun still cares enough about Mills to go to any trouble to trick her into an interview, and that she has an actual agent willing to represent her. Her PR person quit last fall, claiming Heather owed her $300,000 for four years of unpaid work, and her former nanny sued her for harassment in December, saying Heather would make her come in to work at 7:00 am to blow dry her hair and sometimes made her give her spray tans. Anyone who works for that woman must be a masochist.

Heather Mills is shown at the Genesis Awards on 3/28/09. That dress is awful. Credit: WENN.com

Heather Mills’ plans for vegan world domination just went a little askew. Though she’s been busy promoting the plant-based diet for impoverished kids in the U.S., Heather’s not above taking some serious cash in exchange for promoting Burger King. Now to be fair, she’ll be helping to advertise their new vegetarian burger – presumably in the U.K., since they already have a meatless burger in America.

Heather Mills has signed a £3 million deal to promote vegetarian food at Burger King, according to a report.

The ex-wife of Sir Paul McCartney has apparently agreed to back the launch of a new meat-free burger at the chain’s 11,350 outlets worldwide.

A friend told The People: “Heather is ecstatic. She believes she can change the eating habits of millions. She’s also being paid a lot of money and the deal will help boost her standing.”

News of Mills’s deal comes just three months after McCartney announced plans to revamp his late wife Linda’s vegetarian food range.

A source close to McCartney commented: “Sir Paul will probably see a certain sense of irony in Heather’s career move. But he won’t be fuming. If more people become vegetarian as a result of this, then some good will come out of it.”

Mills has also decided to launch a range of plant-based food at her new seaside cafe.

A spokesperson for the ex-model said: “Heather has been a vegan ever since she lost her leg and she has been developing and refining vegan recipes ever since.”

[From Digital Spy via Gossip Rocks]

I don’t think it’s normally a vegan-approved thing to promote a product for a company that still sells a lot of meat. I’m no expert, but I practically get mowed down by PETA protestors every time I go into KFC, and they sell salads. Okay salads with chicken, but you can get them without it. They also enjoy trying to shove pamphlets of chickens having some fiery, oily death into my hands, but that’s neither here nor there. I guess I’m just surprised Heather would associate herself with Burger King as long as they’re still selling the Triple Whopper with cheese. Or as I like to call it, the triple bypass with cheese.

I realize there’s little Heather won’t do for money, but she’s so pushy and self-righteous about her vegan stuff (I’m not saying all vegans are, I’m just saying she is), that I assumed that would be the line. So I guess we now officially know exactly how much Heather Mills can be bought for. So we all need to pool our resources and come up with $6 million to buy her eternal silence.

Here’s Heather Mills checking into Los Angeles International Airport to catch a flight out on March 6th. Images thanks to BauerGriffinOnline.