Martha Stewart is preparing to be the best grandma ever. Her daughter Alexis is using a surrogate to have a baby and Martha is “on cloud nine,” according to the National Enquirer.

According to family sources, 45-year-old Alexis, who struggled to conceive for years, is using a surrogate to help her become a mother. The baby is due in the spring.

“Martha is so excited to be a grandma,” a close family friend told The Enquirer. “But she is also happy because her only daughter’s dream is finally coming true.”

[National Enquirer, print edition, December 13, 2010]

Alexis first tried to have a baby at age 37, when she was married to John Cuti, but she put those plans on hold when Martha when to prison for securities fraud. Alexis and Cuti divorced in 2004, but Alexis still wanted a child and tried in vitro fertilization several times to no avail.

After jail, Martha went through more hardships. Her mother died in 2007, and she broke up with billionaire Charles Simonyi in 2008. Simonyi went on to marry a woman 32 years younger.

That’s when Alexis first began to consider using a surrogate to have a baby.

“Martha was bereft,” said the family friend. “She told Alexis that the only thing that could possibly pick her spirits up would be for her to have a child — and she didn’t care how she did it!”

…To find her surrogate, Alexis was helped by a family attorney and chose a married woman in her late 30s who lives in rural Pennsylvania, a four-hour drive from Martha’s daughter in New York City. The woman has already been a surrogate twice before, says the family friend.

“Alexis is about to burst with excitement. She speaks to the woman regularly to see how she is progressing, because she wants to be involved in the whole process,” the family friend continued. “She wants to be a hands-on mom from the womb.”

Martha, 69, has been pushing for grandchildren for years, say insiders.

Alexis once told a reporter: “My mom’s just desperate. She has wanted grandchildren forever. She’s always like, ‘For my birthday, I would like you to be pregnant.’ And I’m like, ‘Me, too!’”

[National Enquirer, print edition, December 13, 2010]

No word on who provided the sperm that fertilized Alexis’s egg. According to Wikipedia, surrogacy is illegal in New York but legal in Pennsylvania.

This might be a little creepy on Martha’s part if Alexis wasn’t just as anxious for the baby too.

Alexis currently co-hosts the show Whatever with Alexis and Jennifer on the Hallmark network. Martha also recently moved The Martha Stewart Show to Hallmark.

Expect to see hand-made rattles and baby bonnets on future episodes of Martha. She already has some really cute puppets made from washcloths on her Web site.

Header image is from 2006, credit: PRPhotos

The NY Times Sunday Supplement has an interview with domestic diva Martha Stewart in which she’s promoting her new book, the Encyclopedia of Sewing and Fabric Crafts, and her show, which is moving to the Hallmark channel in September. Martha talks about her upbringing, her brand, and her thoughts on feminism. She also discusses her 2003 conviction for insider trading, for which she spent five months in federal prison. Without feeling sorry for herself or sounding bitter, Martha says that the SEC should “have been paying closer attention to other things.” It was the interviewer who brought up Bernie Madoff, who bilked investors out of an estimated $18 billion dollars while running the largest Ponzi scam in history. Martha saved $45,673 by selling stock based on illegal insider information.

Here are Martha’s thoughts on feminism and her incarceration, with more at the source:

Where does your ambition come from? Did you have a critical mom?
No. Not at all. I had a critical father. I’m more like my father. He was a sales rep for pharmaceutical companies.

Did he spank you with a paddle?
No, with a spoon, a wooden spoon.

That could explain a lot. Did he really hit you with a spoon?
No, he would wave it, and we would run around. We were not beaten children

A Freudian might say you bring classically male ambition to traditionally female pursuits.
I don’t think in a male or female way. I don’t differentiate between male and female. I never have. I’m not considered a feminist.

Clearly, at age 68, you haven’t been analyzed.
No, I haven’t. I never will be. I have no patience,

Why do you say you’re not a feminist?
Do we really need to waste time saying, “I’m a feminist”? I never thought about glass ceilings. I never thought about glass floors. I was thinking about how many pies can I come up with for my pies-and-tarts book. Those are all original ideas.

Do you find it odd that the S.E.C. investigated you for insider trading, which resulted in your conviction in 2004, while letting a sociopath like Bernard Madoff run unchecked?
Let me just say one thing. They should have been paying closer attention to other things.

You didn’t steal anyone’s money.
I was never accused of doing anything like Madoff did. Unfortunately, I was in the cross hairs at the time.

Would you say it was a low point in 2004 when Hillary Clinton gave your $1,000 Senate campaign donation to charity because she didn’t want to be associated with a convicted criminal?
I wouldn’t say that at all. I laughed.

Do you blame the S.E.C. for your ordeal, which included five months in prison?
I cannot spend my time holding grudges. I could be crazy right now, O.K.? But I am not.

[From The NY Times]

I love Martha. She dealt with what she had to and moved on. When asked if it’s ok to call a craftsperson “crafty, which implies slyness,” she answers “Yes, we call ourselves crafty, and being crafty is a good thing.” She’s definitely been crafty and when Martha’s craftiness found her on the wrong side of the law she turned that around and was crafty in prison. It must be kind of satisfying to see how much the SEC royally screwed up while they were prosecuting her for saving less than six figures in stock trades. Meanwhile Martha’s businesses have been going strong. In a recent ranking of public publishing companies, stock for Martha Stewart Living ranked first with a relative performance of 8.1%. Her companies are doing well in light of the recession.

Martha Stewart is shown on 5/5/10 at a luncheon at the Central Park Conservatory. I love her shoes! Credit: Michael Carpenter/ WENN.com. She’s also shown at the Time 100 Gala on 5/4/10. Credit: PNP/WENN.com

Here’s some fun political gossip. I don’t think anyone expects former President Bill Clinton to be faithful to his globe-trotting wife, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. I mean, even when he had the most high stress, high profile job in the world, Billy couldn’t keep his hands, pen*s or cigars to himself. But of all the women out there to keep him company while his wife is trying to settle conflicts around the world, did you ever think Martha Stewart would be his type? Well, if you believe The National Enquirer, Hillary is telling her old pal to back off and stay away from her husband. Oh, the scenes in my head….

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has launched a cold ware against her former pal Martha Stewart – after the domestic diva made a play for her husband Bill, say insiders.

“Hillary is furious with Martha because she frequently drops by Bill’s office in New York City, and has also visited Bill at the Clinton’s home when Hillary is out of town,” divulged the source.

“It’s as if Martha is stalking Bill, and Hillary is fed up. She’s warned Martha to stay away from her man.”

The guru of good living was once a big political supporter of the ex-president and his wife, but Hillary froze out Martha after she was indicted in an insider stock trading scandal, and Martha deeply resents it.

Hillary heard from mutual pals that Martha was vowing to get back at her, “but Martha never blamed Bill, and a few months ago, she decided to see if he wanted to be friends again,” said the source.

“So she sent a long, handwritten letter to his office asking how he was and saying she admired the work his foundation was doing. Martha offered to help and said they should get together.

“Bill jumped at the chance. He invited Martha to his office in Harlem and took her to lunch at his favorite soul food restaurant. They started talking regularly and having lunch together. Recently, Bill invoted Martha to dinner at the house in Chappaqua when Hillary was overseas.

“Martha was thrilled when it turned out to be just the two of them – with candlelight, champagne, and a famous chef cooking a gourmet meal.

“When Hillary heard about it from her household spies, she blew up!

“She yelled at Bill for ‘carrying on’ with Martha, but reserved her most choice words for Martha, saying it was obvious she wanted to get revenge on her by having an affair with her husband.

“She told Bill that she wasn’t even going to ask if he’d been intimate with Martha because she knew he’d lie about it if he had.

“After yelling herself hoarse, Hillary stormed out. She’s barely spoken to Bill since.

“This isn’t some young bimbo involved with Bill. It’s a powerful, wealthy woman – and one who despises her. Hillary feels this is a worse betrayal than many others.”

[From The National Enquirer print version, April 19 2010]

I have a hard time believing this for two reasons: first, there is no way Bill Clinton would be “intimate” with a woman like Martha because she is nowhere near trashy and young enough for him. And second, I don’t think Hillary gives a crap what Bill does anymore. She’s got her own career and her own thing going on. I always thought that she stayed with Bill for the very specific reason of building her own name and career in politics, and now that she’s a success in her own right, I don’t think she could be bothered with Bill’s indiscretions. Now, Martha, on the other hand? I think she is just that big of a bitch that she totally would launch a revenge plan on someone that could include seducing their husband. I have to laugh at the whole sordid story though – doesn’t it sound like something straight out of a “Dynasty” episode?

Martha Stewart’s business is all over the National Enquirer this week. The story is called “Martha Collapses” but inside, you find that the whole story is based on a “tell-all” book written Mariana Pasternak, who was allegedly one of Martha’s closest friends. Apparently, according to Pasternak, Martha went on lesbian “dates” and she was attacked in prison. Oh, and Martha drinks a lot. And she has a temper. Pasternak used to be Martha’s friend, but the Enquirer claims that Pasternak was one of the people to testify against Martha in her 2004 insider-trading trial, and that they haven’t been friends ever since. Which begs the question… if they haven’t been friends since Martha’s trial, how would Pasternak know anything about Martha’s “prison attacks” or any dates Martha has been since getting out of the pokey?

Martha Stewart had a meltdown after finding out that her darkest, deepest secrets will be exposed in a tell-all book written by her former best friend!

The explosive memoir by Mariana Pasternak will reveal intimate details of 68-year-old Martha’s private life, including her lesbian “dates,” the attacks she faced in prison, and her boozy temper tantrums, sources tell The ENQUIRER.

And the domestic diva is worried sick that Mariana will reveal she cheated on her ex-fiance Charles Simonyi, according to insiders familiar with Mariana’s book, The Best of Friends: Martha and Me due out in March.

“Martha has good reason to be panicked about the book. Mariana knows everything!” a former colleague of Martha’s who was also close to Mariana told The ENQUIRER.

“Martha has called Mariana in tears, screaming at her, ‘Why would you do this to me?’ She still doesn’t know exactly what Mariana has written, but Mariana knows Martha’s most intimate secrets, and the book is sure to spill them.

“Martha is under extreme pressure from worrying about which secrets the book will reveal. She collapsed in tears in her bed wondering how badly her reputation will be affected.”

Martha and Mariana, 56, were close for more than 20 years. They chatted on the phone nearly every day, lived around the corner from each other in swanky Westport, Conn., and took vacations together.

But in 2004, Mariana testified against Martha during her stock trade trial, and her statements helped prosecutors win a conviction. Martha eventually served time in a federal prison, and she never forgave her former best friend, insiders say.

“Martha considered Mariana a turncoat, someone who said whatever the prosecutors wanted,” the pal divulged. “Now Martha feels Mariana has betrayed her a second time by writing this book.”

[From The National Enquirer]

Meh. I bet Martha has never collapsed, ever, in her life. I bet when she feels tired she makes herself a cup of tea and does some light welding. I don’t understand why people still want to bring Martha down. She’s a goddess! Sort of. I mean, I get that she’s not the warmest person, but she actually comes across as cute sometimes. Like on a recent show, when Snoop Dogg stopped by to make “green” brownies. Martha is so cute with Snoop! They’re both such good sports, it kind of slays me:

Martha Stewart in New York on December 14, 2009. Credit: WENN. Also, the Enquirer cover courtesy of the National Enquirer online.

Last week, Martha Stewart let ‘er rip on what she really thinks of Rachel Ray. It was not pretty, but it classic Martha. Martha told Nightline that Rachel is “more of an entertainer… than a teacher” and that Rachel’s barely refigured recipes that Rachel is reselling in a new cookbook aren’t, in Martha’s words, “good enough for me.” For her part, Rachel seemed to take the criticism in stride immediately, even telling media outlets that Dame Martha was simply being honest, and that Rachel herself would prefer food prepared by Martha to her own crap.

But it looks like Martha felt bad about the incident. So she backtracked a little on her Monday show, saying that there were “no bad feelings” between the two women. Martha even called Rachel “enthusiastic” which I gather is one of the highest compliments Martha can give someone.

In Martha Stewart’s world, Rachael Ray is a good thing.

On her Martha Stewart Show Monday, the lifestyle mogul, 68, cleared the air about “some comments that are circulating on the Internet regarding me and Rachael Ray.”

In a recent interview on ABC’s Nightline, Stewart said that Ray is “more of an entertainer” than a teacher, and suggested that Ray’s skills at baking and writing cookbooks are inferior to hers. “”She — just did a new cookbook which is just a re-edit of a lot of her old recipes,” she said in the interview. “That’s not good enough for me.”

But during Monday’s cooking segment with Emeril Lagasse, Stewart says apologetically, “just for the record there are no bad feelings between us nor have there ever been.”
She adds: “I truly believe that Rachael has done a terrific job bringing people, many people who would of never of even stepped into the kitchen or made a dish to cook. I applaud Rachel for her enthusiastic approach to cooking.”

Ever the diplomatic hostess — and guest — Stewart notes how much she enjoyed appearing on Ray’s show, and vice versa. “It was a lot of fun to have her on this show making pie with me.” (On Nightline, Stewart pointed out that Ray confessed that she “couldn’t bake.”)

After imploring Ray to “come on back” to her show anytime, Stewart giggles and signs off with one of Ray’s trademark phrases: “I hope you have a Yum-o Thanksgiving.”

Last week, Ray said she didn’t mind Stewart’s slights. “I really just think she’s being honest. She does have a better skill set than I do when it comes to producing a beautiful, perfect, high-quality meal . . . I’d rather eat Martha’s than mine, too.”

[From Us Weekly]

Is it okay if I hate Martha a little bit for backtracking? I mean, what she said in the first place wasn’t even that harsh! She should have stuck by it. She should have doubled down with a comment like “Yeah, I meant every word and then some, Rachel can suck my homemade Connecticut jam.” Is Martha going soft? Is Rachel Ray powerful enough to take down Martha? NOOO!!!

Just so you know, I hear the theme from The Omen when I look at Rachel Ray.

How much would you pay to see a cage fight between Martha Stewart and Rachel Ray? Like, all of our combined checking accounts, right? Because Martha would take that bitch down. Martha was interviewed for Nightline this week (it hasn’t been aired yet), and Martha dishes on her daytime chef/lifestyle queen competition. Martha sniffs that Rachel’s “new” cookbook is full of all of Rachel’s old recipes, and “that’s not good enough” for Martha. But Martha admits that Rachel isn’t doing any false advertising, claiming that Rachel is “more of an entertainer … with her bubbly personality, than she is a teacher, like me. That’s not what she’s professing to be.” Us Weekly got in touch with Rachel, and she’s smart enough not contradict the queen of all:

Martha Stewart says Rachael Ray can’t hold a candle to her in the kitchen.

In her first television interview since serving five months in prison in 2004 for lying to investigators about a well-timed stock trade, Stewart, 68, talks to ABC News’ Nightline about rebuilding her brand — and slams Ray, 41, one of her TV competitors.

“Well, to me, she professed that she could — cannot bake,” Stewart says of Ray in the interview, airing Thursday. “She — just did a new cookbook which is just a re-edit of a lot of her old recipes. She — and that’s not good enough for me.”

When it comes to writing a book, Stewart says she want to publish something that “is a unique and lasting thing. Something that will really fulfill a need in someone’s library.” Ray, she says, “is different.”

Stewart says Ray is “more of an entertainer … with her bubbly personality, than she is a teacher, like me. That’s not what she’s professing to be.”

Do Stewart’s remarks make Ray mad?

“Why would it make me mad?” Ray asks. “Her skill set is far beyond mine. That’s simply the reality of it.”

Ray adds that “that doesn’t mean that what I do isn’t important too… I don’t consider it needling. I really just think she’s being honest. She does have a better skill set than I do when it comes to producing a beautiful, perfect, high-quality meal.” Says Ray, “I’d rather eat Martha’s than mine, too.”

[From Us Weekly]

This is why Rachel Ray pisses me off. Rachel is basically admitting that her deal is doing everything half-assed, from lifestyle stuff to food. Which is fine – there are a lot of busy people out there, and not everyone has time to make Martha Stewart-quality food or crafts. But what I hate is the smaller point Martha is making – that Rachel is profiting (big time) from this half-assed sh-t. That Rachel is considered some kind of foodie, or that she’s even fit to be mentioned in the same breath as Martha pisses me off, but that Rachel is so successful at being this cheap, budget, half-assed version is asinine. Rachel should be ashamed of herself if she put out a “new” cookbook that had all of the old half-assed recipes as her other cookbooks. Disgusting. Team Martha forever.

Martha Stewart on November 5, 2009 (with her french bulldogs Sharkey and Francesca, I threw in a picture of the puppies). Header photo of Martha is her at a Halloween benefit gala, not doing anything half-assed, on October 30, 2009. Rachel Ray pictured on April 2, 2009. Credit for all: WENN.

Last week after Jessica Simpson’s dog Daisy was snatched by a coyote right in front of her, she received an outpouring of sympathy, but also a little bit of criticism. Jess wasn’t able to accept that Daisy was really gone, and while that’s a natural reaction, she unfortunately chose to tweet about it. Naturally that meant lots of celebrities were responding to Jessica’s loss, and Martha Stewart – being Martha Stewart and thus a corrector – said that Jessica should have been watching Daisy more closely. Now Martha’s corrected herself (possibly a first!) and offered a more appropriately empathic response.

Martha Stewart made a public apology to Jessica Simpson Thursday over the loss of the singer’s beloved dog, Daisy.

“I said that she should have been watching her dog more closely, but I feel very, very sorry for anybody that loses a pet,” the master homemaker said on The Martha Stewart Show.

Earlier this month, Stewart seemed to chastise Simpson for not looking out for her dog more carefully after Daisy was snatched by a coyote in front of Simpson’s eyes. But now Stewart has turned more sympathetic.

“Jessica, I hope you find your pet, but if you don’t, I’m really sorry that you lost one,” she added.

The loss of her dog has been hard for Simpson, who thought of Daisy almost as her child, according to friends. “Daisy was her baby,” one pal tells PEOPLE. “It’s going to put her into a tailspin.”

Another source says the singer is “really upset,” but is “focusing on work and spending time with her family and friends.”

[From People]

Martha lost two of her beloved Chow Chows within a year of each other. The first, Paw-Paw, seems to have died of natural causes. Martha displayed some sweet photos of her dog on her blog, including a photo of him wrapped in a white sheet tied with a silver bow before his burial. The second dog, Genghis Khan, died in a freak accident while being boarded in a kennel this past March. There was a propane explosion at the kennel which killed many of the dogs, and many police and the propane deliveryman were badly burned trying to rescue them. It’s a very sad story that reminds us just how dearly our pets matter, that people were willing to risk their lives like that.

I’m a little surprised that Martha ever made her original comment, considering she’s lost two dogs recently. It would have been nice if she’d said she was sorry for her insensitive comment – her “sorry” was that Jessica lost Daisy – but at least it’s something.

Here’s Jessica and Ken Paves seen arriving at Heathrow Airport in London on Tuesday. Images thanks to INF Photo.

Jessica Simpson thinks we’re a-holes. And by “we” I mean “anyone who has sympathy for her but acknowledges that her puppy isn’t coming back”. After news broke of Jessica’s puppy Daisy being taken by a coyote, she got overwhelming public sympathy. Her statements that day gave the impression of a woman mourning the loss of a beloved pet. Unfortunately, yesterday it was revealed that Jessica was still holding out hope that little Daisy would be found alive, and that Jessica was working with the organization Find Toto to send out a doggie-style Amber Alert for Daisy. Yesterday, I wrote: “Oh, this is too sad. Isn’t someone going to tell Jessica that her dog is gone? I know it hurts, I know it sucks. But why drag it out? It’s just tragic, especially considering Jessica saw the coyote with Daisy – it’s not like Daisy simply went missing. I don’t care how ‘fast’ Daisy is, that coyote is going to eat her.”

Now Jessica has called me out, and called out anyone who is all “Poor Jessica, her poor puppy is dead, and it would be better for her to acknowledge it.” Jessica tweeted to us: “Still holding out hope despite the a–holes that say is it a dumb thing to do. Daisy is my baby … why would I stop searching? I’m a mom”. Aw… damn it! Now I feel like such a bitch.

Cynics would say that a maltipoo snatched by a hungry coyote on Monday probably wouldn’t be alive on Thursday, but Jessica Simpson isn’t giving up hope of seeing her beloved Daisy again.

“Still holding out hope despite the a–holes that say is it a dumb thing to do. Daisy is my baby … why would I stop searching? I’m a mom,” she wrote on Twitter Wednesday night.

By Wednesday, a dog-finding service, FindToto.com, had been making calls to some 1,000 of her neighbors asking if they’d spotted any sign of the missing Daisy. She also created a sign offering a reward for her dog’s return.

On Tuesday night, however, she apparently took at least a one-hour break from searching and grieving.

“Everyone watch my beautiful sister be a creepy b—h on Melrose Place tonight!!!” she wrote on Twitter at 10:10 p.m. “Tune in! xo”

[From People]

I consider myself my puppy’s mom too – he’s my little (100 pound) fur baby, and I would be devastated if a coyote attacked him. Although my puppy would give that coyote a run for his money – he’s quite the hunter! I’m such a proud mama. Anyway, I think the situation is 95% sad and 5% funny – funny because Jessica has taken to Twitter not only to perhaps contact the coyotes who abducted her dog, but she’s also using Twitter to defend herself against us “a–holes” who are trying to gently convince her that all is lost. My heart still goes out to her. She really did love her baby. Please, Jess, don’t call me an a–hole anymore. I’ll do better.

Guess what other “a–hole” is chiming in on Jess’s lost/dead dog? Martha Stewart! Martha told Us Weekly last night that the coyote attack was “pretty sad.” Then Martha became an a–hole. She continued, “She should have watched it more closely, though. She should have been more careful.” It seems Martha met Daisy when she and Jessica worked on a commercial for Macy’s. Martha’s advice to Jessica is: “Get another dog…I think it’s very important to get another dog, someone else to love. You just have to find the dog that’s the right match for you.” Expect Jess’s Twitter reaction soon, a–holes.

Here’s Jess with Daisy in Dallas in May 2008. Images thanks to Fame Pictures .

Those of us who follow Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop ramblings religiously (and really, who doesn’t?) know that Gwyneth fancies herself the second coming of Martha Stewart. Think about it – they can both come across as icy, haughty, snotty blondes with too much time on their hands. It sort of works. Except for the fact that Martha Stewart has every damn reason to be haughty – she’s actually a lifestyle goddess bitches, and she was put on this earth so we could all bake the perfect cake, make our own icing and create our own icing mold tips. Don’t forget the wax paper! The wax paper will help you not get all of your homemade icing on your beautiful antique cake stand that, of course, you bought on your little weekend escape to the Connecticut antique shops. What? You don’t live like that? Too bad. Martha does. And she’s the original. Goopy’s just a budget imposter.

Anyway, Fox News 411 is reporting that Gwyneth’s next step to becoming the snottier, goopier version of Martha is to launch a series of Goop-branded products. Part of the Goop brand will be beauty products, launched under the Estee Lauder umbrella. Which means that Gwyneth probably isn’t mad about the weird circumstances surrounding the loss of her Estee Lauder modeling contract – it was probably mutual, and Gwyneth remained friends with the Lauder women. Gwyneth also wants a “Goop For Moms” brand that she can sell through her website, or as Fox’s source says, she wants “to create products for real women.” Oh, barf. In Goopy’s mind, “real women” = fat peasants.

An inside source tells FOX411 that Gwyneth Paltrow has secret plans to shift her public image and become the next Martha Stewart. She wants to create her own lifestyle brands for women and families and cut back to doing one movie per year. Husband and Coldplay lead singer Chris Martin has even dubbed Gwyneth’s appointments to plan her takeover of the lifestyle sector her “Martha Stewart meetings”!

The insider, who works with paltrow, tells FOX411, “Her plan is to stay visible in the occasional film, but to create products for real women. She is working on new products for her own beauty line under Estee Lauder and looking at different products for moms at home that she can tie to her website, GOOP.”

And Gwyneth has new product lines all ready for launch, says the source.

“Her charity clothing line for ZOEtees, which will benefit Kids Company, is about to debut, and that was a major project. Other products will follow suit.”

Martin lightly mocks Gwyneth’s big plans, but he never asks her to stop them, the insider adds. “She still spends plenty of time with him and Moses and Apple and she continues to be a very protective and present mother.”

It’s a good thing Chris doesn’t try to hold her back, because he’d lose, says the pal. “She has become a power multi-tasker, so she’ll take meetings while she’s sitting around her movie sets. Gwyneth wants to create an empire, but her first priority is always to her family. She is finding ways to merge the two so that other women and mothers will be able to do the same.”

[From Fox News 411]

Interesting that Fox’s source seems to stress that Chris Martin is all for the Goop brand. Chris is probably thinking, “Anything to get her to shut her goopy piehole for two goddamn seconds.” The “source” is probably very much a Friend of Goop, because the rumors we keep hearing are that Chris and Gwyneth are having problems.

As for the main part of the story – would you buy Goop products? Perhaps “Goop Mascara” (yikes) or the “Goop Diaper Pail”? I could have fun with this – how about Goop Tissues, for when you’re feeling snotty (snotty = “Gwyneth”). Or the Goop “Roach” Killer, for when the paparazzi just won’t leave you alone?

Gwyneth and Martha are shown at the same event, the premiere of Valentino: The Last Emperor at the MoMA in NY on 3/17/09. Credit: Splash News

My favorite “Real Housewives of…” series will always be the Atlanta season. Those women were authentically crazy, and it was the best. The Orange County seasons are like taking a friggin’ sleeping pill they’re so boring, but allegedly, the latest New York season has buckets of drama. Lots of divorce drama, cheating drama, gay drama and money drama, which always makes for good television. And now we cane add one more drama – Martha Stewart drama.

New York “housewife” Bethenny Frankel was once a protege of Martha Stewart, and now Bethenny hates Martha with a passion. I should point out – Bethenny isn’t a housewife. She’s not married, she doesn’t have any kids, and her voice is the worst, most grating, nasal, whining trainwreck ever. Bethenny was once a runner-up on Martha’s now defunct Apprentice spin-off, and Bethenny developed some strong, negative opinions about domestic goddess Martha. Specifically, Bethenny thinks Martha is lonely and pitiful, and “alone with her business”. Yes, I’m sure Martha is weeping into her queen-sized bed made of $100 bills.

Martha Stewart is fed up with her one-time protege – The Real Housewives of New York City star Bethenny Frankel.

Bethenny, who appeared on Martha’s Apprentice show in 2005, has been taking verbal swipes at the domestic diva on her reality series, painting Martha as a lonely and pitiful woman. And when the news got back to Martha, she was livid!

Referring to Martha growing her business empire at the expense of finding true and lasting romance, Bethenny quipped to fellow Housewife Jill Zarin: “Be careful what you wish for. You just might get it. I don’t want to end up like Martha Stewart. She’s alone with her business.”

But currently single Bethenny, 38, who has been married once and has no children, is dumping on Martha as payback for not being chosen as the winner on The Apprentice: Martha Stewart four years ago, say sources. Bethenny was runner-up, losing to a contestant who was more pleasant than the sharp-tongued natural-food chef.

“Bethenny is using ‘Housewives’ as a platform to air her grievances about Martha – a dig here and a throwaway line there,” an inside source told The ENQUIRER.

Martha feels that Bethenny is an “ungrateful fool,” says another insider.

“She’s disgusted with Bethenny – especially since it was Martha’s show that helped launch Bethenny to where she is now.”

[From The National Enquirer]

It is disgusting. Team Martha all the way. It’s no secret that Martha had a bitter divorce back in the day, but she and her adult daughter Alexa are still close, and Martha built an incredible empire out of the ashes of her failed marriage. Personally, I doubt Martha is in any way lonely or pitiful. I think she enjoys her life immensely. She has all of those beautiful homes, her animals, a job she loves and an empire to run beautifully. Bethenny should be so lucky to have a life or career anywhere close to Martha’s.