Every time Kirstie Alley is photographed, she inevitably makes it into one or more of the tabloids with some speculation over how much weight she’s gained. So it makes sense that she would be annoyed with the paparazzo who scored these shots. The guy probably shouted a few unkind remarks to her as well.

It’s not nice to point out weight gain on celebrities because it happens to the best of us and there are all sorts of valid emotional and medical reasons that can cause people to gain weight in a short period of time. It’s kind of hard not to mention it in Alley’s case, though.

Alley announced in February through a long ass statement in People that she was going to “start her own weight loss brand” in 2009. It’s nearly the end of 2008 and she looks about the same size if not bigger. In February, 2007 she sported a remarkably slimmed-down figure but that didn’t last for her and she was dropped as a Jenny Craig spokesperson a year later after gaining most of the weight back. it looks like she’s eating away her pain. In June, 2008 the Enquirer had a cover story that she’d reached 240 pounds, but many of you thought that was incorrect and she weighed a bit more.

What I want to know is how can she put on makeup but leave her hair looking like that? Did she just not bother to blow it dry? Her nails look great though and I love that necklace. See, I said something nice. It’s not all about weight and Alley might get some positive coverage if she would only smile once in a while. She seemed to be trying to poke fun at herself with her Fat Actress show in 2005, but that didn’t last beyond a season and her dour mood crept back along with the weight.

Kirstie Alley is a longterm Scientologist who gave over $5 million to the cult.

Photos are of Alley outside a Thai restaurant with her daughter on 09/28/08. When she saw that she was being photographed she tried to go into a store next to the restaurant, only to find that it was closed. Credit: SLY/ Fame Pictures

Angelina Jolie is going to play the lead in the sequel to the 1999 film The Thomas Crown Affair, titled The Topkapi Affair. She will star as Pierce Brosnan’s love interest and producers have told her that she needs to be at least somewhat voluptuous to carry it off. According to Female First, which is not a reliable source, she’s been ordered to gain 28 pounds for the part. Jolie was painfully thin in the action film Wanted, and filmmakers supposedly don’t want to see Angelina looking super tiny on screen, so they’ve told her to bulk up:

The 33-year-old actress must gain up to 28lbs by the bosses of ‘The Thomas Crown Affair 2′ – who she also worked with on her last movie ‘Wanted’ – because they are desperate to avoid her fainting on set as she did while filming the assassin thriller.

A source said: “Ideally they want Angelina to put on 28lbs for the role. It is going to be very physically demanding, which is why they want her to carry the extra weight.

“They don’t want a reprise of what happened with ‘Wanted’, where she was fainting and they had to take her costumes in. She was also slated for being too skinny to portray an action woman, and for ‘Thomas Crown’ they want a convincing female lead.”

Angelina – who gave birth to twins Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline earlier this month – is due to play the leading lady opposite Pierce Brosnan, who reprises his role as billionaire art thief Thomas Crown.

Brosnan will also produce the movie.

[From Female First via WeSmirch]

This story could be total bullsh*t, but you could see how they would want Angelina to gain weight – or at least keep some of the weight on that she gained while pregnant with the twins. Her facial features looked so much better filled out when she was pregnant and seeing the photos for Wanted I was struck by how different she looks when she’s really thin. She doesn’t seem as sexy or womanly to me.

Rene Russo was gorgeous and kicked ass in the 1999 remake of Thomas Crown. I tried to figure out if Angelina Jolie will be playing Russo’s same character, Catherine Banning, or if she’ll be a new love interest for Brosnan’s art thief in this sequel, but I couldn’t find the details online. While I can see why they’re replacing Russo to get better box office results from Angelina it doesn’t quite seem fair. Russo is 54 and still looks great. Hollywood is of course ageist, but it’s about the bottom line after all. They could have made Russo just as appealing and I would personally rather see the film with her in the role again. Maybe Angelina will play some new character, though, we’ll have to see.

Here’s Renee Russo on 5/13/08. Credit: Fame

Eva Longoria was spotted out last week wearing a t-shirt with the moronic saying “I Want More Privacy.” It was widely thought to be her response to the near-constant rumors that she’s pregnant. Longoria uses the press whenever she needs some publicity but gets annoyed when it turns against her. She’s gained a small amount of weight and prefers to wear looser clothing, which keeps the pregnancy speculation going. During the writer’s strike she issued a statement that she’d gained ten pounds because she was eating a lot while she was waiting to get back on set. Now she says she gained weight for her character, Gabrielle on Desperate Housewives. She also is sporting the bob hairstyle that is more popular now, and it looks pretty good on her:

According to her personal rep, Eva is reflecting a change in her on-screen character Gabrielle — who goes from her usual sex kitten to an over-worked housewife with kids in season five. “She’s making herself look like that as her character has let herself go. Gabrielle has gained weight and cut her hair,” Liza Anderson tells PEOPLE of Longoria Parker’s character. “She’s a worn out mother with two kids.” Longoria Parker was pictured on a European vacation — notably on a yacht off the coast of Italty — looking minutely larger than normal, prompting the usual rounds of pregnancy rumors. Anderson chalked this slight gain to Gabrielle’s woes. “And even that was not enough. She’s also wearing butt pads and a stomach pad to play the part.” And did Longoria Parker enjoy the method-eating? “This is a lot of fun,” says Anderson, “but as an actress.”

[From People]

I like how People calls it “method eating,” I’m going to use that next time we cover an actor gaining weight for a part. None of the women on Desperate Housewives look like particularly realistic housewives to me considering how well put together they are and how stylishly they dress, but if Eva wants to say she gained weight for the part that’s her prerogative. She needed to gain some weight anyway. She’s still really thin and it looks like whenever she eats something it makes her stomach poof out – probably because she’s not used to eating more than small portions at a time. Eva bugs the crap out of me but she hasn’t given as many annoying interviews lately. That’s another added benefit of her slight weight gain – she wants some “privacy,” which is Eva-code for better press.

Eva Longoria and Tony Parker are shown after having lunch on 7/14/08. Credit: WENN

Remember that episode of the Simpsons when Homer gained a lot of weight so that he could work from home on disability? Dr. Nick Riveria advised Homer on how to pack on the pounds, saying “If you’re not sure about something, rub it against a piece of paper. If the paper turns clear, it’s your window to weight gain.”

The glossies are full of celebrity diets and exercise plans to help us lose weight quickly and firm up, but many of the celebrities will also share the quick weight gain strategies they used to to bulk up for a role. There’s little call for that type of information, but it can serve as a cautionary tale for some of our excessive lifestyles.

Much maligned goth rocker Jared Leto gained a ton of weight for his role as John Lennon assassin Mark David Chapman in the panned film Chapter 27. His tip for quick weight gain involved melting Haagan Das ice cream in the microwave and drinking it.

Beyonce says she gained the weight back after her ill-advised cheyenne pepper drink diet for Dream Girls by eating fried food. And Renee Zellweger’s Bridget Jones diet involved eating 20 donuts a day.

Matt Damon has revealed his method of gaining 20-30 pounds to look “doughy” to play a conflicted executive in the film The Informant Insider. He said he stopped working out, drank a lot of beer and ate a lot of burgers, and said that it was easier to gain weight at 37 than it was in his 20s.

Even though the weight-gain was required for a role, that doesn’t stop Damon’s friends from mocking him mercilessly.

“Some thing are just self-evident and don’t even require making fun of,” his B.F.F. Ben Affleck said at the Rio Hotel and Casino event, which raised money and awareness about the genocide in Darfur. “I mean, the man buys two seats on an airplane!”

So how did the Oscar-winner pack on the pounds?

“I just stopped working out and basically just ate whatever I wanted,” he said. “I ate a lot of In-N-Out, a lot of burgers, a lot of beer and basically had a great time … When you’re in your 20s you can do that kind of stuff. When you’re in your 30s, its a whole different ballgame.”

[From People.com]

Damon joked that he was about to get his “sexiest man alive” title revoked by People. He still looks damn good to me when he’s dressed like a normal guy. In a Hawaiian shirt with a faux stache and feathered hair he’s as fug as anyone would look in that outfit. It hardly has to do with his weight.

Dream team Ben Affleck and Matt Damon were at the Ante up for African poker tournament for charity last night in Las Vegas. Affleck took a journey to the Congo, his third in 8 months, earlier this summer in order to bring awareness to the immense poverty and human rights violations in the area. His trip was chronicled on Nightline and I think he did a great job that didn’t get as much attention as it should have.

Matt Damon, Ben Affleck and Jason Alexander are shown last night at the charity tournament at the Rio Hotel and Casino in Vegas. Affleck is an accomplished poker player and won the the California State Poker Championship in 2004.

Photo credit: Judy Eddy and Nikki Nelson for WENN.

Gwen Stefani has talked many times about her weight, and how she really has to work at keeping thin. Which is my favorite celebrity statement to read. Nothing makes me more furious than reading that a celeb lost the baby weight running around after their new child, because I’ve discovered something – babies can’t move!

Gwen says the time has come to relax when it comes to her fitness regime.

She says, “At school, I remember thinking that I wished I could like a girl that was so skinny and got to eat whatever she wanted. I always had to exercise. My weight fluctuated and I got chubby again in 11th grade – at like 16 – and then I was like, ‘You know what? I’ve had enough of this up and down thing!’”

“So I got on the swim team and I was more determined not to be that chubby girl any more. Ever since then I’ve been able to control it, but it sucks. Nowadays I just try to realize how stupid it is, because nobody cares – except me!”

Hollyscoop

Gwen doesn’t care right now because she’s about 8.5 months pregnant. However, she’ll probably weaken in her vow as soon as the baby is born.

Gwen and husband Gavin Rossdale are expecting their second child any day.

Gwen and Gvain are shown out in London on 7/1/08, thanks to WENN.

Model and Rod Stewart’s ex-wife Rachel Hunter has been criticized all over the internet over the past couple of days for what appears to be a bit of weight gain. Hunter is one of the stars of NBC’s Celebrity Circus. Yep, it’s exactly what it sounds like: celebs who learn circus acts. Definitely a useful life skill that they can use later on. The women are all in tight sequined outfits, which are pretty unforgiving.

In some recent pictures Hunter is shown performing in a corset, and it appears pretty obvious that she has gained some weight. She claims that the show’s vigorous routines and her naturally athletic shape have caused her to bulk up, making her appear heavier on camera. No matter what’s going on, everyone from the mainstream media to internet bloggers are attacking Hunter and harping on her figure.

She made her name as the super-svelte swimwear model with endless legs.

But Rachel Hunter cut a chunkier figure when she appeared on the American reality television show Celebrity Circus, her somewhat sturdier shape barely contained by a corset-style outfit and unflattering fringed miniskirt.

The 38-year-old has complained that the athletic nature of Celebrity Circus has caused her to gain muscle and made her look bigger.

Her increased strength was certainly evident in her bulging biceps and broad shoulders – she has performed on the trapeze and walked the tightrope during the series.

[From the Daily Mail]

The Daily Mail is actually much kinder in their phrasing than a lot of the other articles out there. I think it’s pretty clear that Hunter has put on perhaps a bit of weight and a good deal of muscle. It’d be hard to do her routines over and over and not get stronger. I think she still looks gorgeous; she just doesn’t look the same as she did fifteen years ago. And who the hell does? It’s sort of ridiculous that we expect that from people, models or not.

Images thanks to the Daily Mail.

Matt Damon is filming The Informant, a movie based on the commodities price fixing scandal in the mid 1990s. He plays ADM president Mark Whitacre, who was an FBI informant on the case, the highest level undercover informant in an organization ever. Whitacre played a valuable role in helping expose the massive fraud, but was found during the investigation to have embezzled money from ADM. He served eight years in federal prison as a result.

It looks like Damon gained some weight for the role. Cut his hair and mustache and put him in some normal clothes and he’d still look hot. His wife, Luciana, is currently pregnant with their second child, and he may have gained some sympathy pounds as well. The couple also has a two year-old daughter, Isabella, and Luciana has a 9 year-old daughter, Alexia, from her first marriage.

According to the photo agency, Splash, Damon is working on the last two days of filming in Hawaii. The film is due out in March, 2009.

Kirstie Alley announced four months ago that she was going to start her own “Weight Loss Brand.” This was after she was dropped as a spokesperson for Jenny Craig after gaining something like 75 pounds in a year. This week’s National Enquirer has a new cover story about Kirstie and how her health is failing and she’s gaining even more weight as she eats like crazy. You’ve got to find some way to cope with the regret after wasting $5 million on Scientology when future career prospects and enlightenment remain elusive. It seems Kirstie’s weight loss program is still in the planning stages.

The Enquirer says that Kirstie collapsed, but it’s more like she got winded and had to hold on to something:

Kirstie simply can’t control her eating and has packed on almost 100 pounds since leaving the Jenny Craig diet program, insiders say…

She regularly orders calorie-laden Chinese and Thai food – and has also been photographed indulging in frozen desserts at Pinkberry.

“Kirstie’s weight crisis took a turn for the worse when she hit the 240-pound mark. Everyone – from her two kids to her staff to her close friends – is trying to get through to her,” said the source…

Her friends are also worried that her excess weight could lead to life-threatening health conditions like cardiovascular problems and a predisposition to diabetes.

Those fears escalated when the 5-foot-8 star collapsed while walking to her car on a steamy, hot California day.

“Kirstie was walking across a parking lot to her car when she suddenly got lightheaded. As she reached her car, she had to grab onto the door handle because her knees began to buckle.”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, June 30, 2008]

In March it was announced that Oprah’s Harpo productions had signed a TV deal with Alley. No one knows what it was supposed to be about, but The Enquirer speculates that it was a reality show to follow Kirstie on her weight loss journey. Since just about the only place Kirstie can be found lately is outside a restaurant, that has likely been shelved or put on hold.

It doesn’t seem fair to pick on celebrities for gaining weight, even when it’s as obvious as Kirstie’s weight gain. Since she yakked so much about how she was going to solve the weight issue for an entire generation of Americans, it’s probably ok to point out that it’s been a few months and she hasn’t been able to move forward with her own weight loss. In an undated interview with Scientology Magazine “Source,” Kirstie said “I literally walked in the door of Flag [Scientology center] four weeks ago as one person, and I’m walking out an entirely different being, and I mean entirely different.” Maybe they screwed something up and forgot to subtract the old person first.

Header image is a scan from the cover of the June 30th issue of The National Enquirer on news stands now.

The newest issue of my favorite gossip rag, The National Enquirer, has an amusing story claiming that Paris Hilton has quit smoking pot because she was eating too much when she was high. They say that “Paris gets stoned all the time” and eats like crazy. She supposedly started noticing that her clothes were tight and decided that she needed to give up the herb if she didn’t want to buy a new wardrobe. Maybe she also got sick of people calling her pregnant after she had a pot-induced meal:

[Paris Hilton] became concerned recently because her clothes have been growing tight and she knew she was gaining weight. But it didn’t take her long to figure out why – Paris smokes a lot of dope and gets the munchies!

So now she’s decided to throw away the pipe to avoid the munchies and get back to her ideal weight, The Enquirer has learned exclusively.

“Paris gets stoned all the time!” said the source. “She will go to the bathroom to smoke at different Hollywood clubs, or sometimes she’ll just light up in the VIP area…

Paris showed up at a small house party once complaining that she ate a huge bag of chips before the party because she was stoned.”

And a Hollywood source told The Enquirer that when Paris couldn’t get into certain dresses she loved recently, she decided to give up smoking dope.

“That was it for Paris,” said the source. “She said the munchies were making her eat too much and she couldn’t believe how much weight she had gained.”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, June 30, 2008]

In an interview in June of last year after she got out of jail, Paris told Larry King that she’s never even tried drugs despite the vast photographic evidence to the contrary. She also said she’s had ADD her entire life and that she’s been on medication for it since she was young. One of the side effects of the common ADHD drug Adderall is weight loss as it acts as a stimulant and suppresses the appetite. If Paris has quit smoking pot, she’s probably back to eating like the bird face that she is.

In related news, Paris Hilton’s pitch line on the website for her new line of hair extensions is “Everyone should get a chance to be me. That’s why I created the world’s hottest hair extensions. Choose from 10 fabulous shades and you will be a clip away from hotness.” She’s truly delusional if she thinks that people emulate her enough to spend $79 on fake hair. [via BellaSugar]

Here are photos of Paris smoking pot, and a link to The Smoking Gun’s compilation of her references to various drugs unearthed in the videos found in her storage locker and made public on “Paris Exposed.” The contents of her purse were also photographed in October, 2006 and a bag of what looked like pot was visible.

Oprah Winfrey – who we’re supposed to believe blogs – wrote on her website that she’s undergoing a 21-day vegan cleansing diet. And by that, I mean Oprah’s assistant’s assistant typed it up really quickly. Oprah, 54, regained a lot of weight recently, and she disclosed that she’s been suffering from hypothyroidism. She’s now determined to lose the weight and change her eating habits again – and is going totally meatless.

Wow, wow, wow! I never imagined meatless meals could be so satisfying.” she writes. “I had been focused on what I had to give up — sugar, gluten, alcohol, meat, chicken, fish, eggs, cheese. ‘What’s left?’ I thought. Apparently a lot. I can honestly say every meal was a surprise and a delight, beginning with breakfast — strawberry rhubarb wheat-free crepes.”

Inspired by Kathy Freston’s book Quantum Wellness, Winfrey says, “this 21-day cleanse gives me a chance to think about [eating] differently and see what my attachments are to certain kinds of foods – and what I’m willing to do to change.”

Her new menu — created by Freston’s own chef Tal Ronnen — features food like tofu scramble roasted tomato, grilled onion and sweet garlic aioli quesadillas with jicama slaw. She plans to blog her the entire dieting process. “Don’t know if I’m going to feel better or worse,” Winfrey writes, “but I’m willing to try to see if my body at least feels differently.”

[From Us Weekly]

Something tells me most people could happily go meatless if they had a professional chef to do all the fancy cooking for them. My vegetarian roommate made a whole wheat tofu pizza the other night and my tongue actually tried to run away from the rest of my body. If I had anything involving the word aioli, jicama, or crepes, I’m pretty sure I could manage. As it is I’m low carb, which means I had four slices of bacon and an Atkins shake for dinner. I would gladly eat Oprah’s vegan quesadilla every day of my life if I never have to repeat that meal again.

Oprah is talking about her diet like it’s this big deal – but her meal plan sounds better than what most of us probably slap together. How much of a sacrifice could it really be? And if it is – wasn’t her whole thing about eating reasonably, in a way that you can maintain? From the way she’s wording it, it doesn’t sound like she plans on going a day beyond the requisite three weeks on this diet. Not that I’m one to judge. I’m eating pork rinds as I write this.