Rich people do the craziest things. Crazy rich people do even crazier things. I remember ten years ago when some person left all their money in their will to their dog, and it got a lot of press, but amounted to about half a million at most. Well Leona Helmsley, the billionaire who passed away last week - and was known since her 1988 tax evasion trial as the “Queen of Mean” - left $12 freaking million to her dog Trouble. She left $5 million to two of her four grandchildren, and cut the other two out completely “for reasons which are known to them,” according to the will. Ouch. You know how they say, “You can’t take it with you”? Well apparently you can’t, but you can be mean well beyond the grave. The two grandsons who did get money only get it on a contingency basis – they have to visit their father’s grave at least once a year. I wonder how they’re going to verify that?

“Real estate billionaire Leona Helmsley left $12 million in her will for her dog Trouble but cut out two of her four grandchildren entirely. Helmsley, the “Queen of Mean” who was famously quoted as saying “only the little people pay taxes” before going to jail for tax evasion, died August 20 at 87. The 14-page will was made public in Surrogate’s Court on Tuesday and reported in New York media on Wednesday, with the New York Post headlining the story “Rich bitch,” referring to the female dog.

“Trouble, a white Maltese, will be cared for by Helmsley’s brother Alvin Rosenthal, who was left $10 million. Two grandchildren, David and Walter Panzirer, will be left $5 million each as long as they visit their father’s grave at least once a year — Helmsley’s son, Jay Panzirer, died in 1982 — and her chauffeur will get $100,000. ‘I have not made any provisions in this will for my grandson Craig Panzirer or my granddaughter Meegan Panzirer for reasons which are known to them,’ Helmsley wrote. The will calls for Trouble to be entombed alongside Helmsley and husband Harry Helmsley, who died in 1997, in their $1.4 million mausoleum, for which Leona Helmsley set aside $3 million for upkeep including annual cleanings.”

[From Reuters]

Talk about a big bag of crazy. I’m not sure how old trouble is, but let’s say for argument that she’s 7 years old, and super healthy and could miraculously live another twenty years (because dogs fed diamonds can live a really, really long time). That would provide Trouble with $600,000 annually to live on. I’m not sure if dogs have to pay inheritance taxes. Now if Trouble invested that money wisely in a diversified portfolio with some good mutual funds, she could easily garner twice that a year and have more than enough to secure all her puppies futures. Though I’d stay away from those other two Helmsley grandchildren – something tells me Trouble is more than a little hated right now.

Images thanks to Splash Photos.

In the midst of all the recent terrible reports of famous people having a variety of problems with dogs (fighting them, abusing them, them possibly mauling people) coupled with all the recent terrible reports of Britney Spears doing stupid, senseless, and thoughtless things, it’s good to see that the two terrible streaks haven’t joined together: the SPCA has ruled that Spears didn’t hurt her dog London, and was not responsible for the little puppy’s recently broken leg. In fact, she actually took care of it, got it proper medical attention immediately, and has been very cooperative with investigators. If only the same could be said for the way she treats her children.

“The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals has exonerated Britney Spears of any supposed mistreatment of her pet Yorkshire terrier. The Los Angeles branch of the animal welfare organization was reportedly alerted last week that pop singer Britney Spears was not taking proper care of her pet Yorkshire terrier.

“‘Access Hollywood’ reported that SPCA received complaints from a number of people who maintained that they had seen the pup with a broken leg. Opinions differed though, with some saying the dog was wearing a cast and others saying it wasn’t. SPCA president Madeline Bernstein confirmed to People magazine that its employees attempted to contact Britney and verify the nature of the complaints. The organization contacted Britney’s veterinarian. He confirmed that London, the terrier, had suffered a mild fracture when someone accidentally stepped on the dog as it made its way into one of Brit’s closets. The veterinarian proved that London had received proper care.

“The SPCA released a statement Monday, confirming the well-being and safety of London. The organization said it ‘has received written confirmation from a veterinarian that Britney Spears’s dog London has received proper medical attention for a leg injury. SPCA LA would like to thank Ms. Spears for her cooperation on this matter as well as members of the public for their ongoing concern for the welfare of animals,” the group said in its statement.”

[From eFluxMedia]

I don’t really like purse dogs, but that terrier is really cute. It’s a shame it will have to live the rest of its life in mortal fear of being stepped on by a drunken blond (or baldie, as the case may be) but at least it can rest easy knowing that it will get medical care, and probably won’t have coffee/juice/soda/alcohol poured into its water dish. Probably. I’m a huge animal lover, so I say this not to offend or belittle their importance, but it really does bother me that Britney can do right by her dog but not by her kids. I can’t wait until Sean Preston and Jayden James can start talking back and giving her some shit. Those two are the result of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline coupling. You know they’re going to have some trashy mouths on them.

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s little London, pre-injury. Header image of Lance Britney with fired assistant Shannon Funk and pup. Images thanks to WENN.

Famous people seem to be having a lot of issues with dogs lately. There’s Ving Rhames dogs who were found near their caretaker’s dead body (though probably weren’t involved with his death) and the atrocious Michael Vick dog fighting thing. Now rapper DMX has had his dogs taken away by the Maricopa County sheriff, under allegations of cruelty. The dogs weren’t being given food and water – and DMX claims not to have been to the property in two months. Supposedly there was a caretaker who wasn’t doing his job – so it could have been as long as two months that the animals weren’t being cared for properly. In all the sheriffs took away twelve pit bulls. That’s a lot of dogs and would be challenging to care for – that’s not an excuse for not caring for them, but it’s a good reason not to have twelve dogs. For some reason authorities dug up the backyard as well, and found the remains of three other dogs, one of which had been severely burned.

“Sheriff’s deputies raided the home of rapper DMX on Friday, seizing several pit bulls and finding the remains of three other dogs but making no arrests. The Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office received a tip more than a week ago about dogs being kept in inhumane conditions at the Phoenix-area home, said Sheriff Joe Arpaio. Detectives visited the home and then called one of the rapper’s lawyers and told him that the conditions for the animals at the property needed to be improved or deputies would take action, Arpaio said. The dogs were not being fed or given water.

“Authorities returned to the home Friday. The 36-year-old musician and actor, whose real name is Earl Simmons, was not at home during the raid. Simmons’ lawyer, Murray Richman, said Simmons hasn’t been in Arizona for at least two months and was ‘extremely disturbed’ to hear the animals weren’t being cared for properly. ‘We had a caretaker that wasn’t taking care, that’s what happened,’ Richman said. ‘He loves dogs - he loves these animals. Those dogs are practically his family.’

“Richman said he hadn’t been notified of problems at the property until he learned of the raid Friday. Sheriff’s officials said they had contacted another lawyer who works for DMX. Arpaio said the deputies who served a search warrant at the home Friday seized 12 pit bulls tied up on the property and took them to an old jail that has been converted into an animal shelter.

“Deputies found the buried dogs when they dug up the back yard. One had apparently been burned and the cause of death on the others was unknown because the bodies were decomposing.”

[From the Washington Post]

Earlier this month we wrote that DMX was ordered to pay a quarter million dollar settlement to a company he had a merchandising deal with - for dog clothing and accessories. It was called Boomer 129 - named after DMX’s favorite dog. If there’s any truth to the statement that DMX had a caretaker that hadn’t been taking care of the animals, why weren’t they taken care of a week later? Basically the sheriff came in and said they couldn’t keep animals in these types of conditions, and they had a week to fix it. And they didn’t fix it. The excuse about the caretaker doesn’t hold any weight, because they had a week to fire the guy and at least get some food and water to the dogs, and they didn’t. Can you imagine how miserable those poor animals must be in the hot Phoenix sun without water? It’s heart wrenching. Blaming it on the other lawyer is bull. If DMX hasn’t been around to check on his animals in two months, he shouldn’t have them. I hope they find their way to better homes.

Update by Jaybird: Apparently this is NOT DMX’s first run-in with the law due to his dogs. Crazy Days & Nights says “This is not the first time DMX has had a problem taking care of his ‘pets.’ In 2002, DMX plead guilty to animal cruelty for neglecting 13 pit bulls. As part of that sentence he was required to film public service announcements speaking out against animal abuse.”

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s DMX’s back tattoo, done in memory of his pit-bull Boomer, who was killed by a car. Picture is by Michael Schreiber and was found at Altpick.com. Header image of DMX performing at the House of Blues in Chicago on July 26th. Image thanks to PR Photos.

Here are some reasons not to like Stephen “Belafonte,” Melanie Brown’s new hidden husband. 1. He killed a duck. Not while hunting, or eating in a restaurant. The guy just went out a killed a duck with a brick. Now there’s probably more to this story – or maybe not. Sociopaths kill for no reason and without conscious, and target animals. I’m not saying Stephen “I changed my name to make you think I’m the famous singer’s son” Belafonte is a sociopath, I’m just saying they share some traits. That’s also Celebitchy’s new nickname for him, and I think it’s a winner.

“Melanie Brown’s new husband Stephen Belafonte owes a New Jersey court a $600 fine after he was allegedly found guilty of killing a duck.

“The film producer, 32, was found guilty of an animal control charge after he admitted of throwing a brick at a mallard outside his home in Point Pleasant, according to British newspaper The Sun.

“An Ocean County court spokeswoman said: ‘A warrant has been issued over unpaid fines and costs relating to an animal control offence. He will be arrested if he returns to the area.’

“Belafonte, who wed the Spice Girl in secret in June (07), admitted attacking his ex-partner Nicole Contreras and was given a suspended jail sentence.”

[From Ireland Online]

None of this is cool. Bludgeoning a duck? Not okay. Beating up the mother of your child? Not okay. There is absolutely no excuse for domestic violence. An argument with another human being is something I vaguely understand – the person can talk, move, etc. An argument with a duck doesn’t compute. This guy isn’t such a winner.

Scary Spice’s mother, Andrea Brown, wasn’t told about the wedding, just like the rest of the world. One would think a mother could be privy to such private information, but apparently that’s not the case.

“Andrea Brown – who was kept in the dark over the wedding - described it as a ‘big mistake’, claiming that her daughter was on the rebound from her split with Eddie Murphy. But a friend of Mel’s said she went into the relationship ‘with her eyes open’ and is well aware that her new hubby is ‘no angel.’”

[From Digital Spy]

No angel is one thing. Psychopathic duck murderer is quite another. I may poke fun at Stephen “Belafonte” because I think he’s a poseur, but this story truly makes me so sad. I love animals more than I love some people. It seems like when a couple gets this much bad press so early on, they generally don’t make it. So let’s see, “Belafonte” has a rap sheet, he beat up the mother of his child, he’s been sued for unpaid child support ($254 a month), and he’s a brick-toting duck killer. Now I imagine him wandering around ponds, waiting for the some poor feathered victim to take his rage out on. You suck, Stephen Standsbury. Oops. I mean “Belafonte.”

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s a Central Park mallard. Header image is Mel B and Stephen “Belafonte” leaving the Baglioni Hotel on June 29th. Images thanks to Splash Photos.