Last night was the premiere of What to Expect when You’re Expecting, that ensemble clip show romcom that looks really cringe worthy. I doubt it will be a big success at the box office, but I could be wrong. It could be a mommy daddy date night movie, which it was probably pitched as. Battleship and The Dictator are also out next weekend, and Avengers will probably still be holding on strong, so we’ll see.

So here we have some of the main stars of the film, minus Jennifer Lopez. Why was J.Lo not there last night? Was there some last minute drama with Casper forgetting to take his ADHD medication? I’m really surprised that she wasn’t around, trying to work an inappropriately small dress with a cutout around the waist and styled to the hilt like she’s in one of her music videos. She’s done a lot of press for the film so it’s bizarre to me that she didn’t go to the premiere.

Instead we have Cameron Diaz, dressed way down in a open comfortable-looking white top and loose black pants. She looks like she’s wearing a waitress uniform at a decent restaurant. This is one of those nice-looking casual outfits you throw together for a night out and then realize that you’re dressed exactly like the wait staff, so you try to hold it in and not get up to go to the bathroom. It’s a perfectly nice outfit for a night out with friends, but I don’t think it’s fitting for a premiere. She could have chosen one of those tight short dresses that show off her killer legs.

Cam recently talked to Access Hollywood about growing older and how she thinks it’s cool. Unlike some other actresses I won’t name, it doesn’t sound like she’s blowing smoke. This is a woman with the world at her feet who is secure in her own super-fit skin. She even says she loves her ass, basically. Here’s more:

“I love getting older,” Cameron told Access Hollywood’s Shaun Robinson of turning the big 4-0 at the “What To Expect When You’re Expecting” junket in Los Angeles on Friday. “I think it’s such a blessing.

“Look, the alternative to getting older is [being] dead, so…” she trailed off with a laugh. “I feel very fortunate to have a very full, loving, blessed life, so, I’m living it to the fullest.”

Beyond the obvious benefit of aging, the blond beauty said she’s savoring the mental and spiritual growth that occurs naturally with added life experience.

“As I get older, I become happier — because I’m wiser, I know myself better [and] I connect to people better,” she explained. “I think that in our society we don’t honor older generations enough because we think of it as being bad because the appearance changes.

“I say, embrace it. I love getting older, I love everything that comes with it — I’m better in every way because of it,” she continued.

Cameron is known for her legendary bikini body and she admitted her physique is improving with age.

“My ass is definitely higher than it was when I was 20,” she told Shaun. “This is the thing that people don’t understand — take care of your body [and it will] get better! It gets better as I get older. Absolutely.”

[From Access Hollywood]

Cam’s philosophy seems to be that if you’re not getting older you’re dead, so you may as well embrace it. I like that approach. Does “taking care” of your body in Cam’s world mean getting a little jab here and there? Just askin’.

Meanwhile the other stars of What to Expect also looked kind of beat. Brooklyn Decker was in a white tube dress like she was having dinner seaside after a day at the beach.

Elizabeth Banks was in this beaded asian-style flower print and striped accent dress. This is Peter Pilotto, and it would have been a much better choice for her Met Gala look instead of the disaster of a dress she chose. It’s a little too busy for the red carpet.

Rodrigo Santoro just looks lickable.

What’s going on with Chace Crawford’s eyebrows? Have they always looked like that?

Chris Rock and his man scarf. He would look way cuter with shorter hair and a full goatee.

Photo credit: Fame and WENN.com

Over the past week I’ve found myself so confounded and confused by celebrities begging for clemency for child rapist director Roman Polanski. While I understand that he may or may not have gotten off because of a legal technicality (the veracity of that argument is unclear), what I do not understand is how so many celebrities are rushing to his aid. First off, the reason we’ll never know for sure if Polanski had a plea deal or would have gotten more time is mostly due to the fact that he fled the country. His choice, his fault.

Secondly, I can’t believe they’d even want to be associated with him. No matter what – no matter what – Polanski drugged, raped, and sodomized a 13-year-old girl. While some celebrities have been making the argument that Polanski deserves to be pardoned based on technicalities in his trial that could have resulted in a dismissal, just as many are arguing that it wasn’t really rape (Whoopi Goldberg), that it’s been so long we should just let it go, his victim has publicly forgiven him, etc.

But the second most illogical argument (after Goldberg’s “it wasn’t rape rape argument) is that Polanski is/was a great director. Chris Rock put it perfectly last night:

Now that everyone from Sharon Tate’s sister to Governor Schwarzenegger has weighed in on Roman Polanski’s arrest, Chris Rock is having his say.

On ‘The Jay Leno Show’ Thursday night, Rock made the fair if hilarious point that even the most sensational trial in recent memory didn’t go places that some Polanski supporters are headed.

“People are defending Roman Polanski because he made good movies 30 years ago?” he said. “Are you kidding me? Even Johnny Cochran didn’t have the nerve to go, ‘Well did you see OJ play against New England’”

[From the Huffington Post]

I love Chris Rock. Way to cut right to it. What if I am a really great gardener? Or I am a hardworking CEO? Or a hardworking housewife? What the hell does being good at his profession have to do with rape? Does that make it okay for him to force himself into a 13-year-old? If I used to be the best surfer in Australia, does that mean I should be able to loot diamonds whenever I please? Seems like an asinine argument, but that’s essentially the correlation a lot of people are making. And I am a big fan of several of Polanski’s films. I’m just a bigger fan of justice.

Chris Rock talked to CNN about his upcoming release of Kill the Messenger, a DVD of three of Rock’s stand-up shows in Africa. Of course, the conversation turned very quickly to president-elect Barack Obama, race and racism. Rock claims that Obama is a very difficult man to make jokes about. Judging from what I’ve seen of other comedians, this seems to be true. Obama is a very self-aware politician, fully versed in the modern ironic sense of humor. As such, there’s very little material. Well, nothing along the lines of George Allen’s “macaca” incident, or Larry Craig’s public bathroom incident, or Nancy Pelosi’s blinking fetish habit. God save the comedians.

Chris Rock is best known for two things: being funny and being crass.

“This is what people come to see. I’m just doing my show,” the comedian said with a laugh. He’s also known for his political commentary, but there’s one person he’s having a lot of trouble making fun of — president-elect Barack Obama.

This is apparent in his new DVD “Kill the Messenger,” which combines three shows from his international tour: New York; London, England; and Johannesburg, South Africa.

“It was a tour nobody wanted to do… because the general perception is that comedy doesn’t translate,” Rock said. But thanks to the Internet, the world is a lot smaller than it was even 10 years ago. And people are digging the same jokes, he said, including ones about John McCain and Sarah Palin.

As the DVD readies for release on January 20, CNN talked with Chris Rock about his lack of Obama jokes, Inauguration Day and why racism will never die. The following is an edited version of that interview:

CNN: I watched the special last night, and I noticed that you did a lot of jokes about John McCain — his age, his war hero story — but not so many about Barack Obama. Is it harder to make fun of Obama?
Chris Rock: He’s just one of those guys, you know, like Will Smith. There’s no Will Smith jokes. There’s no Brad Pitt jokes. You know, what are you going to say? “Ooh, you used to have sex with Jennifer Aniston. Now you have sex with Angelina Jolie. You’re such a loser.” What do you say? “Ooh, your movies are big. You make $20 million.” There’s nothing to say about Brad Pitt.

CNN: Why is Barack Obama like that?
Rock: It’s like “Ooh, you’re young and virile and you’ve got a beautiful wife and kids. You’re the first African-American president.” You know, what do you say?

CNN: As time goes on do you think it will get easier?
Rock: It’s like “Ooh, you’re young and virile and you’ve got a beautiful wife and kids. You’re the first African-American president.” You know, what do you say?

CNN: As time goes on do you think it will get easier?
Rock: Of course, as time goes on. At some point he’s going to — there’s always slip-ups. No one can survive that level of scrutiny without occasionally making it easy for a comedian.

CNN: Let’s talk about the inauguration. Are you going?
Rock: No, I have to go to Sundance [Film Festival]. I’ve got a movie premiering at Sundance. So I have to go to the whitest place in America — Utah.

CNN: What’s it going to be like for you on Inauguration Day?
It’ll be a cool day. It’s weird. I’ve never watched an inauguration. I’ve never watched anyone get sworn in. You know, it’s like Election Day and then you look up and somebody else is the president two months later. It was never like, “I can’t wait till tomorrow. Oh my god! They’re going to swear in Jimmy Carter!”

CNN: Are you going to watch this one, though?
Rock: I’ll put it this way — like any business is going to be getting done while this guy is getting sworn in. Like I’m going to be in a meeting. Everything is going to stop for however long it takes. Hope they get to it — hope it’s not like I gotta listen to three different versions of “The Star-Spangled Banner” or something. I hope it’s not like Rosa Parks’ funeral, where everybody f***ing speaks.

CNN: What are you hoping Barack Obama does for this country? What do you think is his most important task?
Rock: You know, if you’re the president you only have two jobs: peace and money. That’s it. I mean, it’s like, what did Clinton do? We were at peace and we had a budget surplus. That’s it. That’s the gig. The closer you get us to those two goals, you know, that’s pretty much the gig. Is that too much to ask for?

CNN: At one point in your act, you said, “Racism will never die. It will only multiply.” Why do you believe that?
Rock: Well, it’s never going to die. Maybe it won’t multiply. Is racism going to end? No.
It’s not even race. People are always going to, you know, find something wrong with people who are not the exact same as them. That’s just what it is. Black, white, short, tall, religions, whatever. People are bad, man.

CNN: How was it different playing for an audience in Africa?
Rock: You know it’s weird — it really wasn’t that different. I mean, that’s why I love this special. People are the same wherever you go. And if they weren’t, they wouldn’t laugh at the same s**t. If they were so different they wouldn’t know what I was talking about.

From CNN

I liked the bit about Brad Pitt, but apparently Chris Rock has never gone online to see what jokes people actually joke make about Brad Pitt. Something about ZOMG homewrecking, I can’t remember. And I laughed out loud at Rock’s statement that he hopes the inauguration isn’t like Rosa Parks’ funeral. That funeral was a total disaster – it got way too political, and it seemed like every politician who had ever met an African-American person wanted to get up and pontificate for an hour. I really think that comedians are going to have an easier time than they realize with the incoming Obama administration. They’ll have all of the people who either obsessively love or hate Obama to make fun of. Plus, there’s Vice President Joe Biden.

Here’s Chris Rock walking in Beverly Hills rehearsing with an iPod on 01/13/2009. Images thanks to Splash.

Chris Rock is one of the unfortunate men who have been involved in a paternity case. Freelance journalist and actress Kali Bowyer claimed that Chris Rock was the father of her child, and demanded paternity tests. While initial court proceedings found that the matter was out of the jurisdiction of that court, Chris decided to go ahead with the tests to either prove her wrong or face up to his responsibilities. The boy, named Jordan, is not Chris’ son.

Despite the little boy not being Rock’s son, Bowyer is still trying to profit from the situation. She has written a book about her ‘son with Chris Rock’.

In the press release Kali Bowyer circulated for her upcoming book “Hollywood Child,” Bowyer claims her past included “a hot affair with racy comedian Chris Rock.” Her life, according to the release, “started crashing down all around her,” until “getting pregnant with Chris’ son saved her life.”

Rock’s attorney John Mayone had not received the press release, but says, “I assume this is a publicity ploy for her alleged book.” On the subject of paternity, Mayone reiterated the decision of the Georgia court that concluded that Rock was not the father of Bowyer’s son. “There is a final judgement. This is not Chris Rock’s child. It’s been fully litigated, and that includes DNA testing.”

MSNBC

Kali is said to want to contest the DNA ruling, but the time for appeal has passed.

It seems to me that Chris Rock could benefit from having some kind of screening process for potential partners. Couldn’t we all? I’d love to have a device attached to my cell phone that operates when someone offers me a drink in a bar. It would scan their body odour and say ‘No, this man is married/an axe murderer/inappropriately devoted to his mother’. If Apple could develop this it would be more in demand than the iPhone.

Chris has been married for eleven years, and has two children with his wife. Around the time of the initial paternity suit there were rumours they were divorcing but the couple has stayed together.

Chris Rock is shown with his wife Malaak Compton Rock and Fab Five Freddy on 7/9/08 at
‘An Evening with Dave Chappelle for Kevin Powell for Congress’ at in NY. Credit: WENN

Chris Rock’s testified for about 15 minutes at the Anthony Pellicano trial on Friday. Pellicano was a private investigator to the stars, including Michael Jackson, O.J. Simpson, and Arnold Schwarzenegger, who now faces charges of racketeering and illegal wiretapping. Pellicano had contacts in the telephone and police department and would regularly run background checks and tap both his clients’ and their targets’ phones. Pellicano was also known to intimidate and harass anyone who got in his way and regularly fed stories to the tabloids on his clients, only to turn around and solicit their business. He’s been in Federal prison since 2002 on an illegal weapons conviction, and is stupidly representing himself in this case.

Rock was said to be accused of raping a woman he had a date and one night stand with during a time he was estranged from his wife in 1998. The woman initially tried to pin a pregnancy on Rock and extort money from him, but when that didn’t stick and DNA tests showed he wasn’t the father, Pellicano told Rock she went to the police and claimed he raped her.

Pellicano was the one who told Rock about the rape claim & Rock never saw police report
The thing that TMZ fails to mention in their salacious coverage of this is that Rock never saw a police report, nor does it sound like the police even contacted him to inform him of these charges. He was definitely never arrested or charged.

It was Pellicano who told Rock about the woman’s claims and thus secured his business, according to Rock’s testimony. That would meant that either Pellicano had an inside police source tell him the story, which never escalated to an actual charge against Rock because there wasn’t enough evidence, or that Pellicano fabricated the story based on dirt he knew about Rock. Rock was first a client of Pellicano’s in 1999 when the woman accused him of fathering a child, and again in 2001 when Pellicano informed him of this supposed rape charge.

Given Pellicano’s record of double-dealing, it’s very possible that he cooked up the whole scheme himself to get more money from Rock.

Even if this woman did go to police, it sounds like her claims weren’t taken seriously and that Rock had nothing to fear. According to audio taped recordings between Pellicano and Rock, Pellicano promised Rock he would “blacken her up,” or smear her and that he had nothing to worry about. It is likely that Rock had nothing to worry about in the first place and that Pellicano just wanted his money:

On cross-examination, Mr. Rock appeared to be even more annoyed about having to be in the courtroom… [When] asked about whether the comedian believed that Ms. Zsibrita’s paternity claim was false and that he’d been “shaken down” by her, Mr. Rock seemed to take umbrage at the form of the question. “I didn’t believe the claim was false, DNA tests proved it was false,” he said irritably. “Someone not pregnant with my child claimed to be pregnant with my child and requested large sums of money.”

Mr. Rock also testified that he learned about Ms. Zsibrita’s allegations that he’d assaulted her from none other than everybody’s favorite private detective, Anthony Pellicano. Mr. Rock said that although he never saw the actual police report, Mr. Pellicano told him about it. He also added that the allegations of assault in the report were false and that he was never arrested. “So, you know that you believe that you didn’t do anything wrong?” Mr. Hummel asked about the assault allegations. “I don’t believe it,” Mr. Rock replied. “I’m here as a free man… I didn’t do anything wrong.” Finally, Mr. Hummel asked Mr. Rock if he knew that Mr. Pellicano was following Ms. Zsibrita. “Not really,” Mr. Rock said, seemingly oblivious to everything that the detective had done to Ms. Zsibrita on his behalf.

[From The Huffington Post]

Pellicano regularly scammed celebrities into hiring him and his cronies
Pellicano did business by digging up stories on celebrities, feeding them to the tabloids, and then contacting the celebrities to inform them about the claims and secure their business, according to private investigator Paul Baressi. Baressi worked with Pellicano on key cases, including a gay prostitute’s claim to have wrestled with Tom Cruise (which I believe was false and a set up by Pellicano, having read Baressi’s account) and found out first hand how Pellicano duped his clients.

In a later chapter, I will explain in great detail how Pellicano had tabloid reporters who routinely tipped him off about stories that were in the works, at The National Enquirer, that could potentially hurt any number of celebrities. Pellicano could then contact the celebrity himself, or the celebrity’s attorney, to warn them that something cooking at The National Enquirer, The Globe or The Star that, if published, could seriously damage the career, reputation and livelihood of the celebrity in question. This methodology would stir up litigation for the $500 to $900 an hour entertainment attorneys with whom Pellicano had established relationships and, at the same time, force the celebrity represented by one of those attorneys to dig deep into his or her pockets to make the problem go away. Little did the celebrity know that Pellicano, with the help of his inside people at the tabs, created the fire, only to return as the hero to extinguish it.

[Excerpt from Paul Baressi's book "Pellicano's Enforcer," found on Hollywood Interrupted]

So if Rock says that the first person who told him about these charges was Pellicano, it’s likely that Pellicano either had a hand in the charges in the first place, or exaggerated their importance, securing thousands in fees.

Chris Rock is shown at Ceasar’s Palace on 11/16/07, thanks to PRPhotos.

The Anthony Pellicano trial is underway and the first interesting detail involving one of his famous clients was revealed in court. Pellicano was a private investigator to celebrities and Hollywood bigwigs who was involved in illegally wiretapping targets as well as bribing law enforcement officials and generally scamming, blackmailing and doing whatever he needed to do to get information and cash. He even would double-cross clients and get dirt on them to sell to the tabloids, according to some sources. His high-profile clients included heads of movie studios, directors, and celebrities like Tom Cruise, Sylvester Stallone, Farrah Fawcett and Steven Seagal.

Comedian Chris Rock was a client of Pellicano’s, and asked the PI for help with a woman who falsely accused him of fathering a child with her after a brief fling and then later accused him of rape. It’s clear from Rock’s conversation with Pellicano, excerpts of which are below, that their relationship was consensual and that he was set up.

Rock’s case was discussed by an employee of Pellicanos during her testimony in court, and I think that’s why these audio tapes were made public. It pretty funny when Rock says he would rather be caught with a needle in his arm than been accused of rape. No charges were ever brought against him, and it’s unclear what the outcome of Pellicano’s investigation was or whether he successfully pressured the woman to drop the charges:

Ms. Virtue testified that while she was working for Mr. Pellicano, Chris Rock contacted the investigator to find out information on Monica Zsibrita. After a one night stand with the comedian in late 1998, she first claimed to be pregnant with his child (which proved to be false), then alleged her one-night stand with Mr. Rock had not be consensual. This conversation between Mr. Rock and Mr. Pellicano is alleged by prosecutors to have been recorded by Mr. Pellicano.

Rock married wife Malaak in November 1996 but claimed the two were separated at the time of his liaison with Zsbrita. During the call Rock admits taking Zsibrita to LA’s Ivy restaurant for dinner, taking her to Guy Oseary’s for a dinner party with Madonna, Elisabeth Shue and Shue’s baby, and to having consensual sex with Zsbrita at the Beverly Hills Hotel. At the time the below conversation took place, there was still a dispute over DNA testing, as she had kept a Kleenex in her freezer with what she claims was Rock’s semen on it.

During the call, Pellicano reads a police report with Zsbrita’s side of the story and assures Rock the police aren’t taking her seriously. No charges were every filed. As Pellicano reads, Rock can be heard interjecting with his side of the story, which contradicts hers. Highlights, in addition to Pellicano calling Rock terms like “honey,” “brother,” “buddy” and “babe” include:

8:15
CR: “I know the night we went to the Ivy she had on white pants. I only noticed cause my wife’s real classy and subdued and I’m out with a girl with big tits and white pants. It’s just, I know people were like, ‘heeey’.”

14:00
Pellicano (reading from report): “He tried to pull out and ejaculated on her thighs. She immediately got up and went to the bathroom where she cleaned up with a Kleenex. She put the Kleenex in her pocket.”

14:55
CR: I’ve been so set up…
AP: Did you come on her thighs?…
CR: I had a rubber on. I probably took it off right when I was getting ready to come. I probably came on her ass.

22:00
AP: Did you stick it in her? Without a rubber?
CR: No

24:45
AP: Now we got to go get this thing legally, which means we gotta subpoena it.

25:50
CR: It never stops
AP: It’s gonna stop. I’m going to make it stop.

27:25
AP: [On Richard Pryor] I know of him trying to kill himself at least 5 times.

29:05
AP: We’re going to get her one way or the other… Does your old lady know what’s going on?
CR: No. She thinks it’s over, put it that way. She knows of it.

30:05
CR: Rape is just f*@%ing, buzz, you know?… Once you’re accused of rape, you’re just F#%@ED, you know?
AP: That’s why i want to blacken this girl up, totally. I want to make her out to be a lying, scumbag, manipulative cocksucker… Stupid bitch
CR: I’m f@#&d. I’m better getting caught with needles in my arm. WAY better. Needles, with pictures, there’s Chris Rock shooting heroin. Much better blow to the career.

[From The Huffington Post]

It sounds like Rock had something on the side briefly, and had the misfortune of being with a woman who tried to set him up afterwards. He did nearly divorce his wife at one point, but has since reconciled with her, and this report says he had this affair at a time when they were separated.

The other big case that’s been revealed so far involves intimidation of the comedian Gary Shandling after he sued his former manager Brad Grey for bilking him out of profits and stealing from him for years.Shandling testified that there was a public smear campaign against him around the time he was giving depositions in that case and that his assistant would receive strange calls in the middle of the night. The LAPD also ran illegal background checks on Shandling and several of his friends and employees. Grey is now head of Paramount and surely doesn’t want all this exposed.

What I’m really interested in is the Tom Cruise case. Cruise reportedly hired Pellicano around the time he was divorcing Nicole Kidman and I can’t wait until those tapes become public record.

Pellicano is representing himself in court and is doing a piss poor job of it, according to the Huffington Post’s journalist. He’s was in federal prison since 2002 for possession of plastic explosives and hand grenades, for which he received 30 months. Pellicano got out in February and was transfered to LA County jail to face these charges of racketeering and illegal wiretapping. He’ll probably be put back in prison for quite some time once this trial is completed.

Chris Rock is shown on 2/14/08 at the Rosemont Theater in Illinois, thanks to PRPhotos.

In a clip from the upcoming PBS special, “African American Lives 2,” Chris Rock gets teary-eyed when he learns about one of his ancestors. Host Henry Louis Gates tells Rock that his great great grandfather was a former slave who voluntarily enlisted in the Civil War as a Union soldier. Rock’s great great grandfather on his mother’s side, Julius Tingman, must have been a dedicated solider as he was promoted from private to corporal within a few months. He lived from 1848 – 1917 and was married to Eliza Moultrie, who lived from 1850 – 1894. Rock’s great grandfather, James Tingman, was born in 1882.

I started crying when I saw this, it was really touching. Thanks to Shawn for sending me this clip, found at Newsradio 1290 WJNO. The show airs February 6 and 13 at 9 pm on PBS.

Comedian Chris Rock’s older brother, Charles Ledell Rock, was an alcoholic who lived in a homeless shelter and died penniless of pneumonia in February, 2006, The National Enquirer claims. A promising young man, Charles had an MBA and was the only one of the eight Rock children to hold a college degree. He ruined his marriage and career with heavy drinking and was rarely sober. He ended up so down on his luck that he was working as a maintenance man in a hospital and living in a homeless shelter when he fell ill. He was just 52 when he died alone in the hospital and it was nearly a month before one of his coworkers identified the body.

Chris tried to save him many times, and in 2005 he paid for him to go to rehab, but Charles dropped out and continued his downward spiral:

Chris’ large family – he has seven siblings – has long been tortured by Charles’ stormy life.

“Charles spent a lot of years in jail for robbery, breaking into cars and such,” said a family insider.

But Charles was highly educated. He is the only one of the Rock siblings to graduate from college. In fact, he held a master’s degree in business administration. Eleven years older than Chris, Charles was initially a role model for him and his siblings as they grew up in Brooklyn, NY…

But as Chris’ comedy career took off, drinking took over Charles’ life.

“His drinking ruined his married. He’d come to family functions drunk. He’d call up Chris and his other brothers dead drunk and ramble on. He had a lot of friends in Harlem, and that’s where he’d spend a lot of his time, drinking,” said the family insider.

Over the years, Chris kept in close touch with Charles, urging him to get sober, reminding him he had people who loved him dearly. But his words were ignored. Chris simply could not save Charles.

Charles’ business career went down the tubes. And for the last seven years of his life he was a maintenance worker at Bellevue Hospital in Manhattan.

“Chris stepped in and tried to help Charles by paying for him to go to an alcohol rehab residence. That was in 2005. But Charles walked out of that residence and never came back,” said the insider.

Although he still went to work each day at Bellevue, Charles wound up living in a homeless shelter on Ward’s Island in New York’s East River, where nearly a thousand of the city’s down-and-out sleep.

On January 29, 2006, Charles became deathly ill and was taken from the shelter to a Harlem hospital. He had pneumonia. It worsened, and on Feb. 4, 2006, Charles died.

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, October 8, 2007]

That’s incredibly sad and my heart goes out to his family and to Chris. I can’t imagine having a family member who you just can’t help like that. I read a very good memoir a few months ago by Jeanette Walls, the MSNBC The Scoop journalist who used to dish the gossip but recently retired to focus on writing books. It was called The Glass Castle and was about her difficult life growing up as one of four children with neglectful parents who ended up homeless on the streets of NY City. No matter how much she tried to help her parents, and she and her siblings were successful and able to provide for them at that point, they didn’t want to leave the streets. Sometimes people just can’t accept help or change, and it’s got to be heartbreaking for those who love them.

Contrary to the National Enquirer’s report, Wikipedia has Chris listed as having five younger siblings and does not list a Charles Ledell among them. There is a picture in The Enquirer of a young Chris with a man identified as Charles, so it’s possible the source for Wikipedia was incorrect.

The sitcom Everybody Hates Chris is loosely based on Chris Rock’s life growing up in Brooklyn and now on its third season on UPN. His young character has just two siblings on the series.

Photo of Charles Rock’s memorial service announcement, below, is a scan from The National Enquirer. Chris Rock is shown on 2/25/06 at the NAACP awards, thanks to PRPhotos. It was hard to find a picture of him where he wasn’t smiling.

All of the latest divorcing celebrity couples share one commonality – they have toddler children. In fact none of the splitting couples are childless and all of them have children between the ages of one to four.

Whenever celebrities get divorced I am particularly interested in their children – how many they have and what ages and genders they are. It struck me that nearly all of the recently-divorcing celebrities have children that are going through toddlerhood and probably bugging the hell out of them. (Along with doing plenty of cute things to soften the blow of random tantrums, like saying new words you know you never taught them.)

I’m not saying that the innocent toddlers were the causes of these Hollywood breakups, children are never to blame for a divorce. It’s just an interesting coincidence. Here are the latest celebrity splits along with the stats on their children.

Chris Rock and Maleek Rock: double toddler trouble
Chris Rock was said to have filed divorce papers in early November of this year, but that turns out not to be true. TMZ reports that Chris and Maleek seem to be giving their relationship of ten years another try. They were photographed out at a charity dinner together last week and have not made their divorce official. They have two toddler daughters, Lola, 4, and Zahra, 2.


Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson: two year-old son
Chris Robinson has finally filed for divorce from Kate Hudson after this unlikely Hollywood couple announced their separation in mid August. They have a two year-old son, Ryder, who is such a handful that they don’t even dare cut his hair.


Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe: one toddler son, an older daughter
Reese Witherspoon wasted no time filing divorce from Ryan Phillippe, who was presumed to be cheating on her with his younger co-star, Abbie Cornish. They announced their separation at the end of October and Reese made it official less than two weeks later. They have two children, Ava, 8, and Deacon, who just turned three.


Heather Mills and Paul McCartney: one toddler daughter
Heather Mills and Paul McCartney seem as ill-suited for each other as an evil harpy and beloved legendary rock star could be. They managed to procreate, though, and it was undoubtedly great sex that got them together in the first place. Their daughter, Beatrice, just turned three.


Britney Spears and Kevin Federline: one soon-to-be toddler, one newborn
What recent celebrity divorce list would be complete without Britney and K-Fed? I almost didn’t include them, though, because Sean Preston turned one in September and only just entered toddlerhood. According to the Wiki, toddlers are between one to three, or maybe two to five, so little SP counts.

These breakups during their children’s toddlerhood may serve a biological purpose. Anthropologists have found that couples typically break up when their children are toddlers, with a peak in breakups after four years together. Having seen their children through the vulnerable baby stage, they are free to find another mate and reproduce again, which is our biological imperative.

The four-year pattern, as well as a tendency to divorce at the height of one’s reproductive years, also makes sense from a sociological point of view. “For instance,” Fisher says, “a prehistoric male who ‘divorced’ his partner after seeing one offspring through infancy would have had the opportunity to pick a younger ‘spouse’ more capable of bearing and raising babies. A female might leave one mate to ‘marry’ a better provider for her and her forthcoming children.”

Notable recent celebrity divorces that did not involve toddlers include Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson, Eminem and Kim Mathers, and Richie Sambora and Heather Locklear. Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards have two toddlers, though, and I didn’t include them since their split is old news.

Chris Rock just filed for divorce from his wife of ten years, Malaak Compton-Rock. The couple has two daughters, Lola, 4, and Zahra, 2. Malaak is the founder of Styleworks, a non-profit group which provides salon services and business clothing for women moving from welfare back into the work force.

This wasn’t surprising to me, because I saw Chris Rock tell Marilyn Manson not to get married two years ago when they both appeared together on The Graham Norton Effect on Comedy Central.

Chris comes in at 3:30 in the video clip below. When host Graham Norton says “You have a theory about pussy,” Rock says “Well I’m married, and married men… well Marilyn’s getting married, and this happens a lot, and don’t do it man. I don’t care. I saw her out there. She looks good. She can’t wait to not f&$@ you. She can’t wait! I know you think you’re going to have a real ‘it’ Marilyn Manson marriage. hahaha”

Later on in the clip Norton shows erotic cookies that are kind of realistic and might not be SFW. It is pretty damn funny though. I used to love this show:

I know Rock was just joking around, but he seemed rather serious about it, and why would he say that unless he wasn’t getting any at home?

This isn’t the first time Rock has joked around about the perils of marriage. His comedy skits are rather revealing:

Chris Rock: When it’s time to get a divorce, women got it made. You go to court, start talkin’ that sh?t. “I’m used to this, I’m used to that. I’m accustomed to this.” What the f&$@ is accustomed? Whats that got to do with sh&t? You go to a restaurant, you accustomed to eatin’. You leave, you ain’t eatin’ no more. They don’t owe you a steak. What about what the man’s used to? It might not be money, but during the course of a relationship, a man grows accustomed to a few things. I would love to see a man go to court and say, “Your honor, check this out. I’m accustomed to f&$@in her four times a week. Now I feel I should be able to f&$@ her at least twice a week. I mean she can have the alimony, but I want some pussy payments.”

Chris Rock: Everybody need a pre-nup. People think you gotta be rich to get a pre-nup. You got twenty million and your wife wants ten, big deal, you ain’t starvin’! But if you got thirty thousand, and your wife wants fifteen, you might have to kill her!

Chris Rock: So you gotta think about OJ’s situation. 25,000 a month, another man drivin’ his car, f&$@in’ his wife, and a house he’s still payin’ a mortgage on. Now, I’m not sayin’ he should have killed her, but I understand.