Hold on to you hairpieces kids! More of “The Donald” is set to hit a television set near you. Families and couples will be set up with Trump in meetings that discuss finances and relationships. The plan is for the advice and Trump antics to be aired in 2008.

“Property tycoon Donald Trump can add another high-profile role to his résumé–as a TV counselor and legal advisor. The billionaire, 71, is in talks to offer advice to members of the public engaged in financial disputes as part of a hybrid show described as “Dr. Phil meets Judge Judy.”

[Hollywood]

Donald has had some practice when it comes to dolling out his views on money related subjects. He made an appearance on “Oprah” to face off with former “Apprentice” hopefuls and throw out a few freebies on making finances grow. Such gems included:

“Surround yourself with people that are full of ideas, and people that are not going to be “yes-men.” Surround yourself with smart, truthful, honest people. Only invest in what you know, or invest with people who are really good and have a great financial track record. Do a little research. Look at the paper and look at the rate of returns. Put your money in one of those funds.”

I am cringing at the thought of all this. Why would Trump be ideal for advising others on relationships and money? How many times has he been married? How many times has been bankrupt or on the verge of bankruptcy? It is like asking Lindsay Lohan for advice on remaining sober.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Donald Trump is shown at the launch of his “Trump Home Luxury Lifestyle Collection” (I wish I were making that up) at Macy’s on 7/19/07.

You know what I love? When famous pots call even more famous kettles black. Or in this case, short and ugly. In this case the Pot would be Donald Trump (who is sort of shaped like a pot, if you try to see it) and the kettles would be George Clooney and Angelina Jolie. Donald Trump has the delusional self-confidence that causes men to strap a pair of wings to their backs and jump off tall buildings. Actually, that might be a very good thing for Trump to consider. I’m sure his hair would add some type of aerodynamicness… aerodynamicality… aerodynamicosity… I don’t know the right word - to the freefall. Trump was on Larry King Live on Monday, in an effort to pimp his new book “I’m a Great Big Blowhard, and You Can Be Too” – or something like that. In the interview, he managed to slam George Clooney a little bit, and Angelina Jolie a lot.

KING: You say George Clooney is little and much shorter in person. You describe Angelina Jolie as not good looking in any way, not a beauty.

All right, first, George Clooney is someone…

TRUMP: No, George — I don’t know George Clooney. But I met him once.

KING: He’s 5′10″.

TRUMP: Is he?

KING: I think so, yes.

TRUMP: I think you’re taller than he is. But it doesn’t matter.

KING: I’m 5′10″.

TRUMP: I did a chapter on perception. The perception of George Clooney is he’s a big, strong handsome guy. He’s a handsome guy. He’s a nice guy. I mean I really don’t know him. I met him once. A nice guy.

KING: Married.

TRUMP: So I’m just saying anything bad about him. I’m just saying this was a chapter on perception in business and life and different things. One of the perceptions I had of George Clooney was he was this big, strong guy. And he was very little when I met him. It’s OK. Nothing wrong with it. He’s doing just fine.

Angelina Jolie…

KING: So you’re writing about perception, not against him?

TRUMP: I’m — oh, no, no. Nothing to do with George Clooney. I mean, I thought he was very nice, but I only met him for a short period of time. But the perception is this, you know, different kind of a guy. And when I met him, I was very surprised.

Angelina Jolie is sort of amazing because everyone thinks she’s like this great beauty. And I’m not saying she’s an unattractive woman, but she’s not beauty, by any stretch of the imagination. And now she’s like a representative of the United Nations and world peace on hunger and all of this crap.

And I remember at the Academy Awards a few years ago she was Frenching her brother. She was giving her brother lip kisses like I never saw before in my life. And she had just said she made love to Billy Bob Thornton in the back of the limousine on the way over. And I wouldn’t want to shake her hand, by the way. You know, you get back into the — I wouldn’t want to have shaken her hand. But she’s being interviewed and she’s all over the guy.

About three weeks later, he got caught cheating with about 15 different girls and she was gone. But she had just made love with him coming over to the Academy Awards.

And now she’s like this great beauty who is representing world peace and the United Nations. It’s called give me a break. But she’s not — in terms of beauty, she’s not a great beauty. She’s a nice looking woman. She’s OK. But she’s not a great beauty.

KING: And it’s your opinion.

TRUMP: Well, it’s my opinion.

KING: (INAUDIBLE).

TRUMP: I really understand beauty. And I will tell you, she’s not — I do own Miss. Universe. I do own Miss. USA. I mean I own a lot of different things. I do understand beauty, and she’s not.

But what I really don’t like is if you look at her — and I watched. I was watching television four years ago. And I see her brother and I see her. And then I see them lip locked. I don’t mean like, you know, giving your brother a kiss. And I said that’s really gross.

And then I see what she said about, you know, Billy Bob Thornton and what they were doing on the way to Academy Awards. And now she’s representing the United Nations and world peace. I don’t get it.

[From CNN.com]

Sometimes I forget about old Angelina, who used to cut herself with knives when she was bored, wore a vial of Billy Bob Thorton’s blood around her neck, and shove her tongue down her brother’s throat. But no matter what, I always thought she was beautiful. Maybe not attractive… because I generally find blood less than sexy, not to put that judgment on others. If nothing else, she’s certainly made a drastic change in her life, and has really grown up into a remarkable woman. And frankly, I don’t consider 5’10 all that short. I definitely thought George Clooney was taller than that, but he has a large frame, so he still looks pretty well built. What I love is the thought that Donald Trump is a great judge of beauty. How can he say that, and then look in the mirror and not feel ill? I don’t think that man will ever understand the concept of glass houses.

Remember back in the good old days, when stars would be wooed to be on a project? Apparently those days of wining, dining, and flattery are over. Donald Trump has been doing his usual blabbing to Page Six, and told them he wants Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Britney Spears to be on his new celebrity version of the Apprentice. But instead of sending some flowers and a note with some chocolates, Donald thought it better to tell Page Six that Britney’s a mess. If she was on the fence before, I’m pretty sure she’s jumped off now.

“’We’re negotiating with Britney right now.” The Donald told Page Six. (Doesn’t he know that’s almost enough to get a subpoena from K-Fed’s lawyer?!) “Can you imagine her doing it? We’re not sure what will happen. She’s a [expletive] mess. And that little reality show she had did nothing. But she likes the idea of being on television and I think she’d be great.’”

[From MSNBC]

Um, Donald? I know you’re the greatest businessman ever, with the awesomest hair ever, but I don’t think calling someone names is the best way to get them on your side. And it’s probably no the greatest plan to blab to the press that Lindsay Lohan should get new parents if she wants a better life if you want to woo her. That’s just me, and I’m no expert. Just a thought though.

“Apparently Paris Hilton wants in on the fun. ‘(She) wants to be on, and we’re thinking about it, but I don’t know if we’re going to do it,’ Trump said.

“What about LiLo? ‘Another (expletive) mess,’ said the blunt billionaire. ‘We haven’t asked her yet, but I’m going to call her this week. It would be a positive thing for her to do … for all of them,’ he boasted to Page Six.”

[From MSNBC]

This guy is so delusional. He thinks he’s sexy on a stick, and smart to boot. Apparently egomania can get you pretty far in this country, or at least get you a willing ear at the Daily News. I never thought I’d say this, but I’m pretty sure Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Britney Spears are all too smart, or at least have too much dignity – to say yes to this project. Damn you, Donald Trump, you’re such a asshole that you actually made me say that the airhead trifecta has dignity. That’s what a moron you are.

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s the Donald at a private photo shoot (probably for his new line of Trump Ties) at his Ft. Lauderdale home in July. Keep your panties on, Ladies. Header image from Donald unveiling his Trump Home Luxury Lifestyle collection at Macy’s on July 19th. Image thanks to PR Photos.

In spite of a failed bid to host “The Price is Right,” Rosie O’Donnell will return to television, on the FX show “Nip/Tuck.” She’ll reprise her role as Dawn Budge, a woman who has won the lottery and wants to use her money fix her body and her life. Oh, and has a bit of a crush on one of the doctors. Producers weren’t specific on the number of episodes, but did say she’d be on for “several.” They also left the possibility open that O’Donnell’s character might get her own spin-off show. “Nip/Tuck” creator and executive producer Ryan Murphy said, “‘The character was so instantly popular. We’ve spoken about (a spinoff), it’s an ongoing discussion.’”

Rosie also made some headlines last week on her annual R Families Vacations cruise. The cruise is an annual get away meant for gay and lesbian families, and is supposed to be a time to have fun and not be judged. O’Donnell raised some eyebrows when she went on yet another tirade against Elizabeth Hasselbeck and Donald Trump in front of an audience of 1500 people. The press had led us to believe that Rosie and Elizabeth had possibly mended fences, and if nothing else were going to be respectful towards one another. But Rosie dragged out a large poster of Hasselbeck over which she’d drawn devil horns, goatee, and pointed tail. According to an audience member, O’Donnell commented, “‘Her only f–king credit was Survivor. Come on!’” and “‘ “I can’t fight with pregnant people. Just go have your baby and have a nice life.’” Her comments directed at Donald Trump were a little more expected, and presented a lovely visual image. “‘Rosie she’d love to break into his apartment and rub her belly all over him.’” Man that would make me so happy.

Rosie also told TV Guide last week that she didn’t get the gig on “The Price is Right” because, “‘They thought I was too controversial to host the game show .. I just wanted to ‘gay it up.”” She had previously stated that she was offered the job but chose not to take it because she didn’t want to relocate her family to Los Angeles, where the show films.

I love Rosie, but she’s clearly itching for a fight. You know how sometimes you’re in a bad mood and you hope someone says something wrong so you can yell at them? No? Just me? Okay well anyway, that seems to be where Rosie’s at right now. I mean the Elizabeth Hasselbeck thing had completely died down. The Donald Trump thing had too… and if nothing else, don’t poke the beast. While the media reports that came in about what Rosie said on the cruise were rather vague, it just seems like it wasn’t the appropriate venue. It’s a cruise! Family fun? Check. Midnight buffet? Check. Angry middle-aged TV host? Absolutely, you couldn’t have a satisfying vacation without one.

Picture note by Celebitchy Rosie O’Donnell is shown in the header image on the True Colors tour on 6/30/07. Thanks to WENN for this picture.

This has got to be my favorite story of the week. I know the week’s only started, but I don’t think many things could beat this story, at least in terms of obviously fake planted crap. Supposedly, Ivanka Trump is being considered to replace Rosie O’Donnell on “The View.” Wouldn’t that just make Donald as happy as a little peach pie? The National Enquirer reports that Barbara Walters is seriously considering giving Ivanka the gig. Of course they also referred to her as a “hottie with brains,” so we’ll see how much truth is behind this. Of course if Barbara did give her the spot, it would certainly make for some interesting dynamics on the show. Would Donald still go on tirades? Would he go on Larry King and talk about how Ivanka is a “Big fat pig” or whatever else he called Rosie O’Donnell? Supposedly, this all comes back to Paris Hilton (who’s name we shall not mention of course).

“The National Enquirer reports that Barbara Walters wants to hire the “hottie with brains” to stick it to Paris Hilton and her parents for their shabby treatment of her when they were trying to sell the Paris post-prison interview.”

[From the New York Post]

What in the world do Paris Hilton and her family have to do with hiring Ivanka Trump? Do the Trumps and the Hiltons have some Capulet v. Montague/East Coast v. West Coast feud going on that I don’t know about? I feel like something was missing here.

I was wondering what would even qualify Ivanka to be on the show, but she’s actually more accomplished that I thought. According to Wikipedia, she is the vice president of Real Estate Development and Acquisitions at the Trump Organization. Okay we can chalk that up to nepotism. However she was accepted to Georgetown and transferred to the University of Pennsylvania and graduated magna cum laude from their prestigious Wharton School of Business. Ivanka also replaced Carolyn Kepcher as a primary boardroom judge starting in the sixth season “The Apprentice.” Whether due to nepotism or not, she has good credentials. It’ll be interesting to see if she ultimately becomes a candidate for the position.

Update by Celebitchy: This originated in Mike Walker’s column in The National Enquirer. Last week he printed an item that Paris Hilton was being considered for the open spot on The View! I thought it was such crap that I didn’t bother to print it. So when Jay wonders what Paris has to do with it, that’s the story. I doubt either one of those stories is true.

Who knows why, but NBC has decided to bring back Donald Trump’s lackluster show “The Apprentice” for one more season. In May NBC released its 2007/2008 prime time schedule, and “The Apprentice” wasn’t listed. I assume that really pissed off The Donald, and I didn’t think you’d do that unless you really meant it and were ready to deal with the consequences. Anonymous sources (which I don’t trust) told Reuters (which I do trust) that NBC will announce the show’s renewed contract for either two years or one year with an option on a second year.

Why in the world would NBC want to air this show again? It’s as stagnant as Trump himself. Do we really need to give this delusional egomaniac more airtime? Apparently Trump needs the show more than NBC needs him. Reuters mentioned that “The show is important for Trump’s growing branding effort, which banks on the businessman’s brash image to market products including water, vodka and steaks.”

“The Apprentice” was not doing well – of its original audience, only one-third remained at the end of last season. Originally the show revived Trump’s image, and a lot of articles discussed how viewers found him much more likeable than before. Yet over time that likeability waned. Trump clearly has issues – the whole multiple fights with Rosie O’Donnell prove that he’ll do anything and say anything to make sure he’s still in the headlines.

It’s possible NBC just wants to stay on Trump’s good side – and let’s be honest, if nothing else, he’s a formidable opponent.

“Trump and NBC still remain in the beauty pageant business together. The two announced in March a renewal deal to keep annual broadcasts of the Miss USA and Miss Universe pageants, which Trump co-owns, on the General Electric Co.-controlled network through 2010.”

[From Reuters]

I think if Donald Trump wants to do something to keep himself fresh, he could try being nice. Wouldn’t that surprise everyone enough to give him press for a bit? Or donate more than $250,000 to charities? Trump is consistently listed as one of the least philanthropic (aka greediest) billionaires out there. Can you imagine how much attention he’d get if he did something good?

Picture note by Celebitchy: Trump is shown in the header image at the Trump Tower 1 Ceremony In Las Vegas on 5/25/07. Thanks to PRPhotos. Just to offset that terrible picture, here are some of the Apprentice women in FHM:

Donald Trump may be getting with the Britney program and shaving his horrible, horrible head. It’s not surprising if his extensions are responsible for his colicky baby expression and bile filled blabber. Yes, gentle reader, it’s true - the endless decades of the ginger meringue may be coming to an end. Generations to come will shudder when they hear tell of the shadow we once lived under.

Trump’s Hair on the Line at Wrestlemania
– Will Donald Trump put his hair where his mouth is?
Trump and World Wrestling Entertainment owner Vince McMahon will pick a wrestler to represent them in the ring April 1 at Wrestlemania 23 at Detroit’s Ford Field, The Detroit News reported last week.
If their pick is beaten in the “Battle of the Billionaires,” the loser will get his head shaved after the match, the Detroit Free Press reported Monday.

Via AP

Something is going on Trump World. He just can’t stop gift-wrapping new material for Rosie O’Donnell. The Rosie and The View ladies will be lunching out on this for weeks. Rosie had some shocking semi-shaved haircuts back in the day … they even put a ‘keep a tidy bob’ clause in her View contract.

Perhaps its the expression of the Donald’s secret, shockingly age-appropriate, love for Barbara Walters? The endless kerfufflage between The Ro and The Do have delivered stellar ratings for the BaBa’s flagship show? Or is it all just a joke .. another long, drawn out un-funny Trump joke. Apparently not

WWE spokesman Gary Davis said the date of the event had prompted speculation that it was a hoax. But it’s not an April Fool’s Day joke, he said.
“If Trump loses, he shaves his head,” he said.

And like everything else in life if the Donald loses … we all win.

You might have thought the fire was out under the bubbling cauldron of The Donald Trump and Rosie O’Donnell feud, but according to Out magazine .. fuel is being added to the fire by freelance peace negotiator and former Mrs. Trump, Ivana

The war began weeks ago when Trump pardoned Miss USA, who had allegedly been indulging in some bad behavior, and Rosie questioned why Trump should be a moral compass for the country—it just got worse from there. Ivana says she had words for both Ro and The Donald. “I was very diplomatic and at the end of the day, I said, ‘You know, guys, just take the high road, it is so ridiculous,’” Ivana told AP Television.

So where was this second Camp David held … on what hallowed go round did Ivana gather these warring factions to broker a peace that will finally hold ? Will our children have a chance grow up in a world without Ro-Do conflict ?

The Answers: Nowhere at all … and not very likely … as she gave both Ro and Do this advice via her column in The National Enquirer. And she not only has advice … she has analysis

“Donald and Rosie, they’re getting fantastic ratings, they’re getting publicity, they’re really using it as a marketing tool, not because they are enemies, and I understand that only too well.”

Although it strikes me that if the analysis is true … then the advice was rubbish … Ivana you gotta pick a gear and drive in it … its either the high road or fantastic ratings. Wonder which side she’ll come down on.

It really feels like a slow news week. I usually don’t mention it, because most of the time it has more to do with me getting bored with the celebrities rather than the celebrities being boring, but it just seems like it’s dragging this week. People are still talking about Trump and Rosie’s dumb feud that should have been over two weeks ago, and into which Barbara Walters has been dragged. There’s not anything amazing happening so I’ll grudgingly cover it.

Barbara Walters said on the air that she never said anything about Rosie to Trump, and that she and Rosie are fine. There are stories in the gossip rags today saying nasty Rosie went off on Barbara for talking smack about her to Trump behind her back and then not contacting her at all about the whole public argument while Barbara was on vacation.

Now Trump is trying to show that he really did hear Barbara talking shit about Rosie, and he wrote this condescending letter to Rosie saying Barbara even contacted him afterwards. He claims Barbara told him that “working with [Rosie] is like living in hell,” and that she told him not to get into the mud with the pigs. I think that’s just an old saying that means don’t get into a big put-down match and let people drag you down to their level, but it sounds particularly bad when applied to Rosie:

Dear Rosie:
I hope you had a wonderful vacation with your wife - you needed the rest.

An article in todays New York Post indicates that you blew up at Barbara Walters for being a “liar.” Actually, I don’t blame you, but in fact she lied to both of us! After your maniacal and foolish rant against me two weeks ago, Barbara called me from her vacation (I did not call her) in order to apologize for your behavior. She very much wanted me to go on the show as soon as she got back so that she could “patch things up” (I said no). To be exact, she said that “working with her is like living in hell” and, more pointedly, “Donald, never get into the mud with pigs” and, “don’t worry, she won’t be here for long.” Barbara knows exactly what she told me over the phone and she has to live with it. Perhaps that’s why her initial statement was so mild!

In another incident, when I saw her eating at Le Cirque about two months ago and asked how “Rosie was doing,” she sarcastically rolled her eyes and said “Donald, do you have to ruin my meal.”

In any even, you have good reason to be angry. Please give my warmest regards to Kelly!

He also wrote a p.s. telling her to not be so self destructive, but I didn’t feel like typing that all up. You can read the letter on TMZ.

Now, I just read that the new Apprentice in L.A. is tanking in the ratings. It seems like that, and Trump’s fragile male ego are his reasons for continuing this stupid and pointless argument. It sure does keep him in the papers, and he can’t stand it that Barbara is making him out to be a liar.

The View has issued a statement saying that the incident Page Six reported on that Donald is referring to here, in which Rosie is said to have yelled at Barbara and called her a “fucking liar,” was “just a squabble” and now they’re over it. We are so over it too, we really are.

Donald Trump gave a nasty interview before the holidays about his feud with Rosie O’Donnell in which he personally attacked her for personally attacking him on The View over the Miss USA debacle. He said that she’s fat, that he’d send someone to steal her girlfriend, and that her popular 90s talkshow failed.

Commentors note that he likes his women submissive, and that he wouldn’t put down a male enemy by calling him fat like he did Rosie.

Now he gets pissy all of a sudden when Meredith Viera asks him about Rosie. He’s the one who decided to start a big fight with her, and now he’s all upset that someone asked him about it. What an asshole.

Trump also claimed that Barbara Walters doesn’t like Rosie and wants her off The View. Walters has denied that, and says that she doesn’t regret hiring her, but Trump gave yet another interview saying he’s right that they have a bad relationship, making his latest tirade that more ridiculous.

I don’t think those two are good friends though, because Walters’ body language seems to show that she’s annoyed with Rosie in some of the clips I’ve seen of them together on the show. In case you care, Walters has returned from vacation and is now back on the stupid talkshow, which I would never talk about if there wasn’t some controversy involved. It seems like they’ve got a good formula going to get publicity.

Thanks to TMZ for posting this.