This is a totally boring engagement announcement between one person you’ve never heard of and one person you had forgotten. I just wanted to write about it because of the age difference and a little thing I like to think of as “the douche quotient”. So, David Schwimmer has announced his engagement to Zoe Buckman, a 24-year-old British photographer and maybe actress too. She’s very pretty. And very young. Too young for David, who is 43. Ugh.

David Schwimmer and Zoe Buckman are more than just Friends: The couple have announced they’ll soon be husband and wife.

Schwimmer, 43, and Buckman, 24, are engaged, his rep confirmed to Entertainment Weekly Sunday.

The actor, who shot to fame playing Dr. Ross Gellar on Friends, reportedly met Buckman, a photographer, while he was in London directing the 2007 flick Run Fatboy Run.

This will be the first marriage for both Schwimmer and Buckman.

[From People]

So if they met three years ago, she was 21 years old and he was 40? That still sounds pretty bad to me. I guess I had forgotten that Schwimmer liked them young. He’s a Piven! Ew. Well, he’s probably got a lot of money piled up from Friends, but I’m sure that has nothing to do with this girl marrying him, right? I mean, if a guy had $100 million in the bank and the douche quotient was strong, would you still hit it? I probably would, just because I’m curious. But would you marry it? Eh. Probably not. So in that way, Zoe is taking one for the team, right?

Congratulations, David and Zoe! Mazel tov.

Simon Cowell was on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno last night when the conversation turned to his recent engagement, to makeup artist Mezhgan Hussainy, 36. Hussainy has been spotted out with a giant sparkler on her left ring finger, after which she confirmed the news to Radar Online. Cowell, 50, had yet to make a public statement about his engagement until Leno pinned him down last night. Simon kind of squirmed when he spoke about it, saying he’ll get married sometime in the next “10 years.” He also looked mighty uncomfortable when Leno called Husainny out from backstage to join him for a moment. They shared an awkward kiss that was a far cry from Tom Cruise’s couch jumping on Oprah. Simon just isn’t an effusive guy, and I get the feeling that he wanted to give Hussainy a nice ring to show his affection but isn’t entirely ready to get married:

Simon Cowell introduced his fiancee, Mezhgan Hussainy, to Jay Leno on ‘The Tonight Show’ Monday night.

Simon wouldn’t give any time frame for the wedding outside of “within the next ten years” and when Leno invited Mezhgan onto the stage Simon pretended not to know her. Then they kissed and she squeezed into into Simon’s chair with him.

Mezghan is also Simon’s makeup artist on ‘American Idol.’ “I always said if I was going to get engaged, I’d get engaged to a makeup artist,” Simon joked. Jay asked whether she gives him touch-ups in bed and he said, “At least three touch-ups a night.” Then Mezghan announced she was done with them and scurried off the stage.

About his plans for children, Simon said, “I’m kind of torn because I’m a bit too old to have kids but then I think it would be awesome to have a lot of mes running around.”

He also talks about missing Paula Abdul and leaving ‘Idol.’

[From The Huffington Post]

I doubt this will last. I wish them well and all, but Simon is more comfortable with “friends with benefits” relationships than anything committed, not to mention legally sanctioned. This woman must be special to tie him down. His pattern is to date a woman for a while, break up with her, then hang out with her again when it’s convenient so that he can still see other women. (He took his ex Sinitta with him on vacation last year, and both Sinitta and his more recent ex, Terri Seymour, branded him a cheat.) Maybe Simon is ready to make it official though. The kiss may have been awkward, but he initiated it!

Prince William has been all over the place the past few weeks, giving interviews and showing up to various events. What’s gotten into the usually press-shy prince? I have no idea. But it was just a matter of time before someone asked him the obvious question, the question that he’s been dodging for years and years. That question? “So, are you going to marry Kate Middleton or what?” The BBC reports that while Will was touring a veterans’ physical rehab center, a blind serviceman asked him that very question (worded differently, probably). Will responded “You’ll have to wait a while yet” (BBC video here). Well, at least Will didn’t say, “You’ll see it happen one day - oops, I mean, you’ll read about - I mean… never mind.”

It’s the question that keeps coming up – and the one he keeps playfully deflecting.

During a visit to a military rehab center on Monday, Prince William was asked by a blinded British serviceman, Simon Brown, whether he could expect an invitation to a royal wedding sometime in the near future, the BBC reports.

“You will have to wait a while yet, I think,” William replied, laughing.

He’s getting used to people asking. Last month during his visit to Australia, it was an elderly aboriginal woman who pressed him for a wedding date.

“As I keep saying,” he replied then, “wait and see.”

William, 27, has been dating Kate Middleton, 28, whom he met at Scotland’s University of St. Andrews, since 2003. They split briefly in 2007 but reconciled.

There has been speculation in recent months that Buckingham Palace might be quietly preparing for a wedding, perhaps to coincide with the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee in 2012 – the 60th anniversary of her coronation.

[From People]

Some days, I actually manage a smidge of pity for Kate Middleton. She’s like the glossiest example of a girl who put all of relationship eggs in one basket, and might have made a disastrous call. She and Prince William have been dating since 2003-ish, so it’s been seven or eight years that they’ve been in each other’s lives romantically, although they have broken up on at least two occasions that were documented, the last time in 2007. Still, let’s go with the longer number - eight years of involvement with a guy, a dude, the future Prince of Wales and the future King of England. Kate might have thought she got the golden ticket. She might have thought that if she bided her time and did and said the right things long enough, she would get her reward, that which she wanted most of all: to be Will’s wife.

Before everyone jumps up my ass and starts yelling about feminism, let me just say - again - that this is really how I think Kate feels. She wants to get married, and she wants it to be William. She’s already planned her life around him and his needs. She only takes on jobs where she can be at the prince’s beck and call. Which is pretty easy for her, considering her family is rich. Nouveau-riche, actually. Which is why the whole relationship is such a coup for her, and probably why she’s put all of her eggs into one basket. And this lack of artifice, this blatant need and want and desire of Kate’s to get married, to settle down, to nail this sh-t down is probably why William continues to make her wait. Maybe if she played it a little bit cooler, got a little distance, took a time out and said to Will, “You know what? I’m taking a job in America, a–hole,” William might realize that Kate is the right choice. Or he might get over her quickly and just start dating a string of pretty, young, well-connected things, and Kate will become Camilla Parker-Bowles incarnate. Either/or.

William at the rehab facility on February 22, 2010. Kate Middleton on June 27, 2008. Credit for all: Daniel Deme / WENN.

Hilary Duff, 22, is sporting a huge rock from her hockey player beau, Mike Comrie, 29, of the Edmonton Oilers. The two got engaged over Valentine’s weekend while in vacation in Hawaii, with Hilary’s sister telling People that the proposal was a complete surprise. Outlets have different cost appraisals for the ring, with E! reporting that Comrie bought it in Vegas and that it cost a cool million and Hollywood Life quoting a jeweler that estimates that the 4.5 carat ring was around $300,000. Maybe Comrie should have had it appraised before he plopped down that kind of cash.

I checked Wikipedia to see what kind of contract Comrie has, and he’s been making upwards of $3 million a year since 2001 with an initial very high contract that he might not have lived up to. (Maybe a hockey fan can help shed some light onto this. He’s moved around a lot and apparently angered Edmonton, his first team, by grandstanding in a contract dispute.) It breaks down to $10 million for three years with the Edmonton Oilers from 2001-2004; some time with the Philadelphia Flyers and Phoenix Coyotes, including a one year contract for $3 million with the Coyotes in 2006, $3.375 million in 2007 with the New York Islanders, and then $4 million with the Islanders again in 2008. His latest contract is for $1.125 million for one year back with the Oilers. So his stock is falling a little, but he still dropped a million on a ring.

Duff and Comrie were spotted out to dinner at Katsuya in LA last night, with Hilary happily showing off their ring. OK! reports that the two are looking to purchase a mansion together in Beverly Hills, with a budget of around $10 million.

I don’t know, I just think that 22 is too young to get married. I waited until I was in my early 30s and I still didn’t know what I was getting into. It’s a good age for some people, though. If they’re both ready to start a family they’ll be able to raise kids when they’re young and that’s a definite advantage. Congratulations to Hilary and Mike!

Photo credit: WENN.com

Don’t you love that Jude Law and Sienna Miller are back together again? It’s nice, isn’t it? I’m glad they found their way back to each other. Ever since getting back with Sienna, Jude has been looking better than he has in years (although he knows it). Meanwhile, Sienna has taken her sh-t down a notch, and hasn’t been parading herself in front of the paparazzi every two seconds, looking for attention. All is well with the world! If only Sienna could keep her mouth shut. Sienna in back in London, where she attended her Twenty8Twelve fashion show over the weekend, and she ended up confirming that she and Jude are back on and that everything’s “great”. Which lead to this Daily Mail piece which dissects their dating history… inadvertently making it sound like Jude and Sienna spent their time apart screwing anything that moved (true story):

They quietly reignited their relationship three months ago while both starring in separate productions on Broadway. After initially denying the romance, Sienna Miller has finally spoken out her reunion with Jude Law, admitting ‘I’m so happy’.

Speaking at her Twenty8Twelve fashion show yesterday, Miller gushed about her boyfriend, declaring he’s ‘great’. She told the Daily Mirror: ‘It’s going really well. I’m so happy actually, he’s great.’

There was no sign of Law at the Miller’s Autumn/Winter 2010 show at London’s Temple Place yesterday, because he is currently in Japan promoting Sherlock Holmes. Instead, her ‘date’ was her sister and co-designer Savannah Miller, who joined their models on the catwalk after the show.

They started dating again last December after Law and Miller were starring in the Broadway productions of Hamlet and After Miss Julie respectively. Over Christmas, they holidayed together in Barbados and since returning to Britain, have been inseparable.

The GI Joe star, 28, is planning to move back into Law’s north London family home, where they originally lived together several years ago.

Miller’s public declaration of joy may not go down too well with Law, who previously told her to stop discussing him in interviews before they resumed their relationship.

She said last year: ‘It’s dangerous to bring this up. I talked about him in an interview not long ago, saying that I still love him and he was like, “Please stop talking about it.”‘

First time round, the couple dated from September 2003 until November 2005. Despite Law’s proposal on Christmas Day 2004, he went on to have an affair with his former children’s nanny Daisy Wright three months later. Law, 37, publicly apologised for the affair in July that year and the couple tried to repair the damage, but they called it quits later that year.

In the four years in between their relationship with each other, both have been linked to several people.

Miller has had high-profile relationships with Welsh actor Rhys Ifans, musician Jamie Burke, Hayden Christensen and more recently DJ George Barker. In 2008, she was vilified in the tabloids after it was revealed she had an affair with married father-of-four Balthazar Getty.

In hindsight, she admitted: ‘The situation I got into was not ideal, but it happened and if I could go back and be more responsible, I would. I probably seem like not a particularly nice person, not a girl’s girl.’

And while Law’s hasn’t had any serious relationships since their split, he ended up becoming a father again last year after a brief fling with model Samantha Burke, who gave birth to his daughter Sophia in September. He’s also was reported to have had flings with model Lily Cole, socialite Kimberly Stewart and German underwear model Susan Hoecke.

[From The Daily Mail]

Last week there were even some stories about a renewed engagement between Jude and Sienna, which I might be in the mood to buy. I mean, sure, I think they’ll both sleep with anyone or anything. But being engaged (again) would be a great storyline, and this time they should actually try to make it down the aisle. That being said, I think Jude is much more wary of Sienna and the whole “getting ultra committed right now” thing. I actually doubt Jude wants to get remarried. And I don’t think he wants to have any more kids, either. Not after what happened the last time.

Here’s Jude in Japan last week. Alright, I take it back about him looking better. Sienna needs to get on him about his fashion. Is that a wife-beater?

Sienna Miller at her Twenty8Twelve show in London on February 21, 2010. Credit: WENN. Jude Law, Sienna Miller and Jude’s kids on holiday in the Caribbean on December 27, 2009. Credit: INFphoto.com.

Nicole Richie chose to announce her engagement to her partner of three years, Joel Madden, by showing up for a taping of The Late Show with a giant diamond ring on her finger. Her interview will air on Friday. Joel confirmed the news on his Twitter account, but it looks like he’s since deleted that tweet because it only appears on caches of his feed and not on his actual page. Maybe Nicole told him that she wanted to save the news until her Late Show episode aired. Joel later tweeted “I’m screwed. Oh boy,” which taken with the deleted tweet probably means that he’s in trouble for confirming the engagement before Nicole was ready.

They’ve been together for more than three years and have two children. Now, Nicole Richie and Joel Madden are planning to make it official.

“Yep. i’m engaged. Very happy. Yeah we’ve been engaged for a while so your all kind of late on that. But Thanks for the hooplah all the same,” Madden Tweeted Monday night, after news of their plans to wed went wide. He also expressed thanks to relatives who did not let word of the engagement slip.

He Tweeted: “P.s. thats why i love my family and friends. None of them are sources. All good tight lipped people who let us enjoy it! Thanks everybody”

Richie said Monday night during a taping of the Late Show with David Letterman that the couple are engaged to be married, a source told PEOPLE.

After the show, Richie headed to the New York restaurant Abe & Arthurs – without her fiancé – for dinner. “She was glowing,” says a source. “She was telling her table how happy she was.”

Richie, 28, and Madden, 30, began dating in December 2006 and have daughter Harlow, 2, and son Sparrow, 5 months.

[from People]

Whatever works for them. I don’t think that people should necessarily get married just because they want to be partners and raise children together. It’s a legal issue and is not for everyone. It sounds like this is something that Joel and Nicole have thought through and that they’re ready to make it official. US Weekly quotes a source that says they’re already planning the wedding. “Nicole and Joel are in the process of planning the wedding. She’s very involved in every detail. She’s thrilled.”

We haven’t heard much about Nicole and Joel because they lead such a family-oriented, low-key lifestyle. There is an article in this week’s National Enquirer about Nicole, and it’s all about how she’s influencing Jessica Alba to feed her daughter whole, organic foods and limit access to television. Given the things we used to read about her, it’s a welcome change. Congratulations to Joel and Nicole!

Photo credit: WENN.com

Although I have admitted to not really “getting” Kristin Bell or why some people think she’s amazing, I do have to acknowledge that she seems like a young actress who has her act together. She acts professionally, she’s never photographed leaving some club in a drunken stupor, she doesn’t say dumb crap in interview after interview, and she seems to be quite intelligent and nice. So why does this girl think that Dax Shepard is the best she can do? Ugh. So, yeah… Kristen and Dax announced their engagement yesterday. What the hell?

Kristen Bell is engaged to Dax Shepard, her rep confirms to UsMagazine.com exclusively. Shepard, 35, proposed over the holidays, a source tells Us.

Bell, 29, debuted her ring on the red carpet of the Grammys Sunday night.

The couple first stepped out publicly in January 2008. Bell detailed her perfect date night with Shepard in the November issue of Women’s Health.

“There is almost nothing, barring a natural disaster, that I would let eat into my time at home, playing Scrabble with Dax or talking to my girlfriends,” she said.

She joked that they were competitive while filming romantic comedy When in Rome, currently in theaters.

“We were trying to one-up each other,” she said. “That’s what we do at home, too. It’s like, ‘Wait – watch me do this funny bit.’ ‘No, watch me do this funny bit!.”

The secret to their relationship?

“I’ve learned the necessity for healthy communication. How important it is to talk about your deepest, darkest fears and feelings,” she says. “Your partner should hear your most embarrassing insecurities, because once you say them out loud, you’ve created a safe zone.”

And “a snuggle party can fix anything — it’s true,” she added.

[From Us Weekly]

Bell did “show off” the engagement ring at the Grammys (photos here). It doesn’t look that big. Sigh… but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that Kristen think Dax is a keeper. This is the guy who got his start on Punk’d, for the love of God. And now we’re supposed to buy him a legitimate actor? And worthy of a television star trying to make it in film? Seriously? Besides that, every time I’ve seen him interviewed, he comes across like a total douche. I need to have a talk with Kristen.

Here’s Kristen at the Grammys. Dax wasn’t there, and you can’t see her ring. The dress sucks too. This girl needs a new stylist, in addition to everything else working against her.

Even though I’m not watching Glee, I do love Jane Lynch. She’s been a working character actress in films and television shows for so many years, and I’ve always found her charming, talented and amazing. It’s also pretty great that at the age of 49, Lynch is having something of a career Renaissance with her role in Glee - this is basically the first time she’s ever been up for any big awards, and she seems to be enjoying herself on all of the red carpets. It was on the Golden Globes red carpet that I heard her mention her girlfriend, and it was at that very moment I realized she was a lesbian. Shocking! Not really.

Anyway, it looks like Lynch does have a girlfriend, Lara Embry, and Embry is a doctor! A psychologist, to be exact. And now Lara and Jane are going to get married. Oh, Jane is going to be a doctor’s wife! I bet her mom is thrilled. Seriously.

Coming off of her multiple award-show wins for her hit comedy series “Glee,” actress Jane Lynch has one more reason to celebrate.

Lynch, who plays the demanding cheerleading coach Sue Sylvester on the hit Fox series, is set to tie the knot with her girlfriend, Dr. Lara Embry, in a May wedding, The New York Times’ Carpetbagger blog reports.

The report lightly touched upon the news, stating, “Jane Lynch, who saw her Fox show ‘Glee’ win a Golden Globe and who told us she was marrying her partner, Lara, in May, summed up the night’s victories for Fox: ‘It’s good to be on the winning team.’”

Embry is a psychologist who gained notoriety last year for her triumph in a same-sex custody battle with a former partner over their two children, shewired.com reported.

When Embry and her partner were together, both women reportedly gave birth to one child, and each adopted her non-biological child through a second-parent adoption.

Though the couple eventually split and agreed to share custody of both children, Embrey’s ex single-handedly decided to separate the children and cut off all ties between Embry and one of her children.

With the help of the National Center for Lesbian Rights, the Florida courts decided that Embry “must be given the same rights as any other adoptive parent in Florida.”

For her efforts, Embry was honored by the NCLR with the organization’s Justice Award, while Lynch was also in attendance as a presenter at the May 2009 event.

[From The New York Daily News]

Dr. Embry sounds like a really cool woman, doesn’t she? I kind of want her to be my girlfriend. And I want someone to describe me as “trailblazing” at least once. Oh, well. Congratulations to Lara and Jane, I hope they have a lovely wedding and a wonderful marriage.

Jane Lynch at the SAGs on January 23, 2010, and with her dogs on January 14, 2010. Credit: WENN.

Beleaguered actress Tara Reid, 34, last made headlines for a heavily airbrushed spread in Playboy magazine’s January/February 2010 issue. Tara appeared topless but not fully nude inside. In interviews promoting the issue, Tara emphasized that the plastic surgery disasters she’s suffered - including botched liposuction and poorly done implants - have long since been fixed and she’s fine now. It’s as if her body is all she has to trade on for gigs in B movies and her lack of a career has nothing to do with her public partying and rehab attempts.

I should be nicer to Tara, she seems like a good person who has an addiction she’s coping with and is just trying to get back on her feet. It’s not like she’s in denial about her career and continuing to use like Lohan. Things are looking up for Tara lately - People Magazine reports that she’s engaged to her boyfriend, an Internet entrepreneur, who proposed during a romantic dinner:

Tara Reid and boyfriend Michael Axtmann were having dinner at The Little Door restaurant in Los Angeles on Monday night when Axtmann asked for something not on the menu: Reid’s hand in marriage.

“Michael surprised Tara with a beautiful round brilliant cut ring,” the actress’s rep tells PEOPLE exclusively. “Tara was so happy, and the other patrons clapped and yelled out, ‘Congratulations.’”

Reid, 34, and Axtmann, an Internet entrepreneur, began dating last year. They are planning a small wedding for family and friends by this summer.

Reid, who posed for Playboy’s January/February issue, recently completed production on the comedy Last Call and the psychological thriller The Fields.

[From People]

Congratulations to Tara and Michael and best wishes! It’s good news that Tara has some movies in the works, too. They’ll probably go straight to DVD, but she had no films out at all last year and at least she’s getting work.

Tara Reid and Michael Axtmann are shown in Saint Tropez, France on 7/27/09. Credit: ANG/Fame Pictures

The Kardashian sisters are still trying to one-up each other. Kourtney has the baby, Khloe has the husband, and poor Kim only has some farty fragrance ads. But soon Kim might have a fiancée! Of course it comes with caveats. Like, Reggie Bush will only propose to Kim if the Saints win the Super Bowl. Which is… football, yes, I know. So if Reggie plays really well and the Saints still lose, that means Kim is out of luck, I guess.

Kim Kardashian might be rooting harder than anyone for the New Orleans Saints. She told a radio interviewer her longtime boyfriend, running back Reggie Bush, made a deal with her: If the Saints win the Super Bowl, he’ll propose to the voluptuous reality star. Some cynics joked on Saturday that Bush might throw the game, but it seemed from his stellar performance that he’s eager to get hitched. He’s now just two wins away from holy matrimony.

[From Page Six]

Kim and Reggie have been dating for around two years, although they did break up for a few months last summer. They got back together in September and Kim’s been pushing for a serious commitment ever since. Ever since her sisters were out-doing her, that is. A source told Us Weekly: “They took a few months off and couldn’t be apart. The time away was needed so that they could figure out what their priorities were. [Khloe’s] wedding made [Kim] miss [Reggie], so she flew to see him.” Now, I’m not saying Reggie and Kim are a bad couple or anything, because I actually think they’re kind of cute together. But I do think this is mainly about sisterly competition rather than a real desire to build a life together.

Kim and Reggie on June 22, 2009 in LA, and on October 8, 2009 in LA. Credit: WENN.