Apparently, the marketing team at Dr. Pepper are fans of rock band Guns N’ Roses. The soft drink company has proposed that if the band’s “Chinese Democracy” CD, which has been more than 15 years in the making, is released within the calendar year 2008, everyone in the U.S. will receive one free can of Dr. Pepper. Well, almost everyone.

Many have tried, but so far nobody has been able to pry the decade-in-the-works Guns N’ Roses album “Chinese Democracy” from the hands of lone remaining original member Axl Rose.

Now, Dr Pepper thinks it’s up to the challenge. The soft drink company says it will give a free can of Dr Pepper to “everyone in America” (excluding ex-Guns members Slash and Buckethead) if “Chinese Democracy” arrives anytime during the calendar year 2008.

Rose responded on his band’s web site (http://www.gunsnroses.com) that the band was “surprised and very happy to have the support of Dr Pepper.” But the offer did not prompt him to rose [sic] to the challenge.

“Chinese Democracy” was most recently scheduled for release in March 2007, but promptly vanished from the schedule without a new date being set. Rose said at the time that all the recording had been completed, but there were some “scheduling difficulties.”

It will be the first album of fresh Guns N’ Roses material since the 1991 sets “Use Your Illusion I” and “Use Your Illusion II.” Rose has reportedly burned through $13 million in recording expenses for “Chinese Democracy,” and also burned his bridges with the bandmates who helped him turn Guns into one of the biggest rock groups in the world by the early 1990s.

[From Reuters]

I doubt this CD is ever going to see the light of day. Sources that that control-freak Axl Rose is obsessed with it and can’t stop re-recording the tracks to make them perfect. Besides, most people who buy popular music these days probably don’t even know who Guns N’ Roses are anymore.

Who knows - maybe Axl Rose really liked Dr. Pepper and will finally release the CD so he can get his free can. This kind of reminds me of the Taco Bell stunt during the 2007 World Series, in which the fast food restaurant offered to give everyone in America one free taco if someone stole a base during the games. They must have freaked when Boston Red Sox rookie Jacoby Ellsbury stole second- they had to follow through on that offer!

Axl Rose is shown below on 9/1/06, thanks to WENN. He’s seen in the header image performing on 6/1/06, thanks to PRPhotos.

And the TV stunt casting continues! This time, it’s “fierce” designer Christian Siriano, winner of this season’s “Project Runway.” Siriano will make an appearance on ABC’s “Ugly Betty,” during sweeps weeks, of course.

How fierce!

Project Runway winner Christian Siriano will guest star on ABC’s Ugly Betty.

The episode will air during May sweeps week.

According to an ABC statement, Siriano, 22, will cross paths with “Mode’s own hot tranny mess” Alexis Meade (Rebecca Romijn).

Runway judge Nina Garcia will also have a cameo.

Siriano won the Bravo reality show earlier this month.

“This won’t be the last of Christian Siriano,” he vowed at the time. “I mean, people need to see more of the fierceness.”

[From Us Weekly]

Siriano was popular while on “Runway,” winning the coveted “Fan Favorite” award, which was a check for $10,000. Since the show ended, Siriano has been doing the talk show circuit and making several appearances. On March 29, Christian will serve as a red carpet correspondent for Access Hollywood at Nickelodeon’s Kids Choice Awards, hosted by Jack Black.

And on the orange carpet, stars like awards’ host Jack Black will have their fashion looks rated by the young designer. “I think it’s fabulous that I’ll be on the red carpet checking to see if anyone is a hot tranny mess,” Siriano said, borrowing one of his trademark phrases fans heard him saying on “Runway.” “Watch out - you know I’ll be fierce with my comments.”

The 22-year-old “Runway” winner will bring his energy and flair for fashion as he also hands out Access’ “Fierce Fashion Awards” to all those deserving celebrities on the orange carpet.

[From omg! News]

I love Christian, and was happy he won the show. He was clearly a talented designer and a fun personality. However, he needs to be careful not to overexpose himself or his “fierceness” is going to diminish. I’m kind of over the whole “hot tranny mess” catchphrase at this point. But then again, reality stars have a short shelf life, so I guess he’s smart enough to realize that and cash in while he can- the new season of Project Runway has already started filming.

Christian Siriano is shown on 3/15/08 at The Human Rights Campaign’s annual gala, thanks to PRPhotos.

Last week, REM lead singer Michael Stipe revealed, to the surprise of no one on this planet, that he is gay.

The singer has never felt the need to publicly discuss his sexuality before, but thinks now is the right time to do so.

He said: “It was super complicated for me in the ’80s. I was totally open with the band and my family and my friends and certainly the people I was sleeping with. I thought it was pretty obvious.

“I didn’t always see that. But I see now, of course that’s the case, of course that’s needed. I’d just never felt strongly enough about a particular relationship to say, ‘Yeah, he’s my boyfriend, that is what it is.’

“Now I recognise that for public figures to be very open about their sexuality helps some kid somewhere.”

[From the New Zealand Herald]

I had an obsession with REM that bordered on unhealthy back in the 80s and early 90s and have always admired Stipe’s very dry sense of humor. This week, he took a very tongue-in-cheek approach to his coming out, and further stated, in a video posted on YouTube, the official sexual orientations of the rest of the band.

My name is Michael Stipe, I’m here to make an announcement on behalf of R.E.M., but I want to express any doubters that I’m here on my own volition. Um, I’m a little nervous, so I’m gonna read this to get it right.

R.E.M’s Peter Buck and Mike Mills announce today that, after years of awkward speculation, that they are heterosexual, or straight. I am happy for my bandmates and congratulate their candidness and their courage in making this whole statement. I stand beside them always and I am proud of their strength of character in this difficult but liberating decision to come forward. I can say on their behalf that they are here to finally acknowledge their themselves publicly.

[Transcript from YouTube video via ONTD]

Hilarious! Let’s hope that Peter Buck and Mike Mills’ bravery, after years of awkward speculation (ha ha), help straight kids all over the world come to terms with their orientation.

Michael Stipe is shown on 12/6/07 at The Lunchbox Auction Benefiting Food Bank for NYC, thanks to PRPhotos.

Lewis Black made an appearance on “The Daily Show” last night to do a monologue on NY governor Elliot Spitzer’s prostitution scandal. He first showed clips of tv pundits wondering how Spitzer paid for the hookers, and said “Please, like you don’t know? Guys pay women for sex? No!”

He said that Spitzer paid $4,300 for two hours with a hooker and for that much money you could buy a used Honda and f’ck it. Black noted that the service Spitzer used was the “Emperor’s Club” and that they used a diamond rating, which he said referred to the level of difficulty, like a ski slope. “I tried a five diamond once, now I have a fake knee!”

Lewis Blacks new show “The Root of All Evil” premieres on Comedy Central tonight at 10:30 EST. It features Lewis Black presiding over a “court of pop culture” in which comedians debate which of two subjects is worse: for instance the Catholic Church vs. Oprah. Comedy Central has a clip on its website and the show looks hysterical.

In terms of Elliot Spitzer, the latest news is that NY’s formerly-esteemed governor spent at least $80 freaking thousand on prostitutes. If only he had cheaper taste and didn’t transport them across state lines, he might have been able to keep his little problem secret for some time. Spitzer is expected to resign, according to a source, but no statement has been made yet.

This is a picture of a garden gnome and is only tangentially related to this story
The Sun ran this story today about a supposed gnome terrorizing an Argentinian town and the video made me laugh so hard I have to share it. The background story is that the guys just happened to be sitting around recording their conversation on a cell phone when they saw a small shadowy figure off in the distance wearing a pointy hat. No offense is meant to little people with this obviously staged video.

G.W. Little has dog supplies and toys for small breeds including cute little “indoor potties” that feature real-looking grass for your accessory pet. They also have a selection of celebrity-inspired squeaking chew toys called “Puparazzi Pup Toys.” For $14, your Shi Tzu can chomp on a stuffed animal that looks like a cartoon version of Britney Spears or Bruce Willis. The dolls have inventive dog-style names like “Biteme Spears” and “Brad Pittbull.”

Most of the toys are easy to identify, but a few don’t look exactly like their celebrity counterparts. Check out the photos below and see if you can guess which celebrities the dog toys are parodying. The pictures are linked to larger versions with the answers. Some of them are easier to guess than others, and we’ve numbered them in case you want to try in the comments first. (Note that the tags are covered in the small versions and that these images don’t show the full toy in some cases.)

[Thanks to this week’s In Touch Magazine for the heads up. GW Little has not contacted us or otherwise paid for an endorsement.]

Comedian Lewis Black has a new television show coming on Comedy Central called “Lewis Black’s The Root of All Evil.” It premieres next Wednesday, March 12 at 10:30 p.m. As part of the promotion for the show, he recorded a couple of clips that are on YouTube.

The first one below where he rants on Angelina Jolie made me laugh so hard. I’m not agreeing with what he says, and I know this will open up a comment shitstorm as does any post that even mentions her name, but this was too funny to pass up. His delivery is the best.

Lewis Black on Angelina Jolie

Here’s the transcript in case you can’t listen at work:
“I guess I was the last to hear. Angelina Jolie’s gonna have twins. How exciting is that? You know where? France, she’s gonna have her babies in France. The last baby, she had in Namibia Africa, and as you all know, she grabbed babies from everywhere. She’s like the Johnny Appleseed of maternity. You know if she’s not squirting out a baby in some country, she’s stealing one from another one.” [Transcribed from video above]

I read the “Angelina is delivering in France” story somewhere in last week’s tabloids and it struck me as total bullshit. Then the British press picked it up and didn’t source it. I never bought the news that she was going to Africa until it actually happened, though, so who knows what’s true. Either way, Black is quite talented at summing up many people’s assessment of Jolie. (Again, not that we agree with him or that he’s being serious. It doesn’t matter though because the people who are going to comment with vitriol aren’t going to read this shit anyway.)

Black also recorded another clip that’s a parody of Chris Crocker’s “Leave Britney Alone” tearfest. It’s called “Leave Mike Huckabee Alone!” (Mike Huckabee is the former governor of Arkansas and ran as a Republican candidate for the US presidential election. He ended his campaign yesterday after losing most primaries to John McCain. He believes in creationism, and has made a lot of controversial statements that have drawn criticism, including equating gay marriage with pedophilia and bestiality.)

And here are some older clips from Black’s comedy routines.

On Starbucks proliferation:

On candy corn. It’s funny as hell. I love candy corn, but it’s one of those things you either love or hate:

Black doesn’t shy away from heated political topics as well as hysterical commentary on mundane things. In his HBO special last year, “Red, White, and Screwed,” he talked about how inappropriate it was that Bush told veterans who were amputees about a minor injury he sustained while cutting down a tree, saying “I believe that if you are the president, you should know where you are in the time space continuum.” He also covered religion, and lambasted Bush’s belief in creationism. His rant on hunting is hysterical. He said that “going quail hunting is like saying ‘I’m going fishing’ and going to a goldfish bowl.”

(Note: The PR people for this show sent me the clip, but have not sponsored us in any way. I just love Lewis Black.)

In Tuesday’s new issue of Vanity Fair, famed photographer Annie Leibowitz captures a photo shoot of some of entertainment’s funny women dressed as Hollywood’s most troubled starlets. The shoot is part of a story in VF about the rise of female comedians like Tina Fey and Sarah Silverman.

The ladies channel pop tarts for the photog (it’s doubtless Amy Winehouse ever got a laugh for political parody). Sarah does her best Amy, complete with pinup-girl tattoos, The Office sweetheart Jenna Fischer goes Lindsay Lohan (center) and Wanda Sykes gets nasty as Lil Kim (right).

“There is no question that there are a million more funny women than there used to be,” writer Nora Ephron says of the featured femmes, also including E!’s Chelsea Handler (second from left) and Sandra Bernhard (left).

Alessandra Stanley’s cover story explores the recent inundation of female-driven comedy that, while capturing mass audiences (good move on f***ing Matt Damon, Sarah), relies heavily on sex appeal.

30 Rock creator Tina thinks you can thank Jennifer Aniston for that.

“In the ’90s, it seemed like every person on a sitcom — think of the cast of Friends —was just really foxy,” Tina says.

Joan Rivers echoes the sentiments.

“Nowadays, you can’t even get on open mike with less than a C cup,” the Botoxed comedy vet said.

The issue, C cups and all, hits newsstands nationwide next Tuesday.

[From Page Six]

Jenna Fischer, who plays Pam on “The Office,” says the idea of playing Lindsay Lohan in a photo shoot with Annie Leibovitz was such a source of stress and excitement, she had trouble sleeping the night before the shoot.

Turns out Jenna, 33, was more concerned with impressing the legendary photographer shooting her than with La Lohan.

“I couldn’t sleep the night before the shoot because I was so nervous to be shot by Annie Leibovitz. As a result I would sit and stare off into space when she was focusing on the other girls,” Jenna tells PageSix.com.

And about Lindsay?

“Then all of a sudden I’d hear Annie say, ‘That’s perfect, Jenna!’ and she’d be clicking away,” the actress says. “I guess for me, channeling Lindsay meant not getting enough sleep.”

[From Page Six]

I think it’s great that female comic actors are getting some much deserved attention, but it is ironic that the girls they’re lampooning in the shoot get more attention for their drug-addled, cooch-flashing antics, though. Tina Fey has more talent in her pinky finger than Blohan, Paris and Britney put together, if you ask me.

Pictures from Vanity Fair via ONTD.

John Mayer rocked the neon green one-piece over the shoulder boulder holder made famous by Borat about two years ago. He was having some fun and jogging around the deck on a three day Carnival Caribbean cruise called the Mayercraft last weekend, in which guests were treated to concerts by Mayer and 15 other artists, including Martin Sexton and DJ Logic. Tickets were reasonably priced considering the venue and started at $674 for an inside cabin.

Thanks to D-Listed for the heads up on these pictures, which were found on ONTD. (One image is from the Mayercraft photo contest site.) The blogger and cruise guest who originally posted the photos has removed them from her site due to the influx of traffic. I initially thought it was some Mayer conspiracy to control the Internets, considering how he so quickly removed his blog when it received too much attention.

Here’s the video, thanks To US Weekly and Rolling Stone. More details about the cruise can be found on Rolling Stone’s website.

Online Videos by Veoh.com

You go, John Mayer, and please restart your blog and suck it up when you get some criticism. All you have to do is write something the next day, and people will move on.

Maddox Jolie-Pitt is said to love “uncle” George Clooney’s impression of restaurant owner Mr. Krabs from Spongebob Squarepants so much that he asked Angelina over and over to call the Oceans 13 set so he could hear him do it:

Maddox pestered Mom endlessly to phone the “Oceans 13″ set during filming - just so he could he “Uncle George” Clooney render his side-splitting impression of Maddox’s favorite TV star.. SpongeBob Squarepants! [Note by Celebitchy: author means Mr. Krabs, see below] The bit gives Maddox the giggles - and he always begs Uncle George for his impressive imitation of Mr. Krabs, owner of the Krusty Krab restaurant where SpongeBob works.

[From The National Enquirer print edition, Mike Walker’s column, January 12, 2007]

I didn’t know Maddox had bonded with Clooney like that. Maybe Clooney will school an adolescent Maddox in the fine art of pranking one’s castmembers and avoiding longterm relationships by sleeping with whomever’s closest at hand every six to eight weeks.

I just used this article as an excuse to make a cute composite image of Clooney, Maddox and Mr. Krabs.

Here’s a Krusty Krab training video. Mr Krabs comes in at about 2:15, and he does sound kind of like Clooney:

The Nickelodeon people also e-mailed me with this weird press release saying that kids can vote for the president of Bikini Bottom or something, which is basically a promo for three new episodes. The website is not up yet, though. Marketing people are always promoting stuff before it’s ready.