The National Enquirer has a longish story about Jeremy Piven hitting on Kim Kardashian, and Kim shutting that sh-t down. I don’t know why they needed to go into so much detail, because the story is pretty funny just in of itself. The basics: The Pic went over to Kim Kardashian when she and her sisters were at a Lakers game. Apparently, The Piv has had his eye on Kim for a while, and they met first when she did a cameo on Entourage. They know each other socially, meaning they’ve probably done coke together at a few parties. Here’s how it went down:

“Kim knows Jeremy socially, but when he came on to her by offering her a bigger part on Entourage, she quickly rejected him,” an insider tells The Enquirer.

“She told him, ‘Talk to my mom – she handles me,’ and then turned on her heel and walked away. Jeremy was flabbergasted – he felt totally dissed.”

Jeremy is used to women falling all over him, says the insider – so he was stunned when Kim shunned his advances.

“Kim knows his reputation as a big player, and she didn’t even entertain being another notch on his belt. And besides, she likes athletes and felt he was kind of short.”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition]

Kind of short? Bitches without jobs shouldn’t throw stones, Kim! At least he has a career, for goodness sake. But I can’t fault Kim for dissing The Piv. He’s gross, and he just seems like the kind of guy who comes on a little too strong and a little too… date-rapey. You know? I’m not calling him a date rapist AT ALL, I’m just saying that he seems like the guy at the bar who just won’t leave you alone and just won’t take a hint and acts all offended when you’re like, “Dude, come on, I’m just trying to have a drink with my girlfriend” and he gets all pissy and nasty and he calls you fat and then goes out into the parking lot and keys your car. The Piv is so that guy. Plus, Kim does have a new boyfriend – for now. She’s dating Dallas Cowboy Miles Austin. Much hotter than The Piv.

The Piv is wearing something from “The Michael Lohan Mesh Shirt Collection” in this photo:

Kim on July 1, 2010. The Piv on April 15 & July 1, 2010. Credit for all: Fame.

This story is all kinds of wrong. So, yesterday Jessica Simpson was on the set of Entourage, filming a small cameo for an upcoming episode. Unfortunately, the photos are exclusives that we don’t have access too – but you can see some here at PopSugar. Her scene was apparently with Jeremy “The Piv” Piven. Now… we all know The Piv’s type. He likes them young. He likes jailbait. He doesn’t really care about anything beyond “young and willing”. So I wouldn’t have thought Jessica would be his type… but apparently she was. Sources say that The Piv was ogling Jess hard, and he “wasn’t being sly about it”. However, the source who spoke to Us Weekly is a massive bitch, because he/she included this aside: “He flirts with ugly girls, so you can imagine how crazy for Jessica Simpson he was.” I don’t know who that maligns more, Jess or The Piv:

Jeremy Piven found a way to pass time on the Beverly Hills set of Entourage Tuesday as Jessica Simpson filmed her buzzed-about cameo.

“In between takes, he was staring at Jessica’s ass in the most obvious of ways,” a witness tells UsMagazine.com. “He wasn’t being sly about it and would just watch her every move. He flirts with ugly girls, so you can imagine how crazy for Jessica Simpson he was. She almost seemed like she couldn’t wait to change into her jeans, but she was a good sport about it and kind of laughed it off.”

Lucky for Simpson (whose acting has been panned in the past): Her scene “didn’t require any acting,” says the source. (The singer, 29, plays herself.)

“It was simple – she answers the front door, and it’s Jeremy Piven,” the source tells Us. “She had on a very tight skirt and was leaning against the door in a sexy way. They did the scene a few times and didn’t change much. The whole production is very laid back and they always have a good time. Jessica seemed to be having a ball and was not taking herself too seriously.”

Her father Joe also was on set, a source tells Us, chatting up the producers. “They were buttering each other up,” says the witness. “At the end of the scene, they all took pictures together for the set photographer and then Jessica went back to her trailer with her assistants. She brought a bunch of clothes in her Louis Vuitton luggage, loaded everything back up into her assistant’s car and left.”

The shoot went well. After filming, Simpson Twittered: “I have the utmost respect for the entire cast and crew of Entourage! Thank you for making the past 2 days memorable ”

[From Us Weekly]

What’s weird is that The Piv and Jessica might actually make an interesting couple, right? She acts like the teenage girls he usually dates, and he’s enough of an established actor that they could become some kind of B-list power couple. I do wonder why The Piv was staring at Jessica’s ass, though. Her ass isn’t her best feature. Hint: “You can’t cover those suckers up!” Chesty McNapalm strikes again!

Last week I mentioned that Jeremy Piven and January Jones were spotted together at some of the after-parties for the Golden Globes. They were even photographed together (these are the photos) with January looking a little shame-faced and Jeremy looking predictably smarmy. At the time, I kind of thought it was just a drunken, convenient hookup for two single, unattached television stars. But it looks like love may be blossoming… sort of. January and The Piv were spotted together at a football game Sunday night, which could mean they are dating. Of course, the NYDN and E! News noted that they didn’t really seem that into each other.

It appears as though Hollywood’s Casanova has struck again.

One week after Jeremy Piven was spotted leaving a Golden Globes party arm-in-arm with January Jones, the unlikely duo popped up again – this time on the sidelines of the Saints-Vikings NFC Championship game Sunday night in New Orleans.

Though most would assume the coupling of Piven and Jones would be a one-time deal, the television stars have defied doubt.

But whatever romantic spark exists between the two may already be fizzling.

According to Eonline.com, the couple “didn’t seem to be paying much attention to each other.”

While Jones was reportedly using her Blackberry most of the time, Piven was tweeting photos of himself on the sideline.

[From The New York Daily News]

Eh, I didn’t see it working anyway. January could do much better than the Piv, although I suspect she has crappy taste in men. As for the Piv, I thought he only went for jailbait? You know the rumors – the Piv likes his girls to be very, very young. Like, teenagers. January doesn’t fit the bill, but maybe the Piv was trying something new and it didn’t work out.

Jeremy Piven and January Jones leaving a post-Golden Globes party on January 17, 2010. Credit: Pacific Coast News.

I had a friend who swore by soy milk. She claimed that soya tasted better than real milk, and that it helped her diet considerably. Personally, I’ve never been a milk or soya person. I don’t have cereal for breakfast (I have fresh fruit, so I am somewhat healthy), and I don’t drink coffee, so I don’t have any need for milk, half-in-half or soya. So I have no opinion generally on the Milk v. Soya War. I’m just putting that out there.

Jeremy Piven was once a soy milk person. He drank it all the time, but he had to quite because… wait for it… soya gave him moobs. Moobs are defined as “man boobs” and to my eyes, Jeremy had at least a perky B-cup the last time I saw pictures of him shirtless. Of course, he was also waxed and gross. You can’t blame soya for everything, Piv!

‘Entourage’ actor Jeremy Piven stopped using soya milk because he was afraid it would make him grow breasts.

Jeremy Piven drank so much soya milk he started to grow breasts.

The ‘Entourage’ star has revealed he “dabbled” in using dairy substitutes on his cereal, but switched back to the real thing when he started to feel like a woman.

The 44-year-old actor explained: “I was the guy that dabbled in soya milk, but now I’ve found out soya milk has enough oestrogen for me to grow breasts; I had to put the soya milk down.

“It was a very confusing time.”

Though he was keen to embrace soy products, Jeremy admits he is far less adventurous when it comes to other culinary choices.

He said: “I don’t go too far out with my choices. Although when I was in Japan, I had a traditional Japanese breakfast that consisted of some quail eggs and you actually eat the head of some strange fish. “

“It all looked like Jurassic Park! I don’t think I could be a samurai, but I ate it.”

[From BANG Media International via CelebEdge]

So I googled “soy milk estrogen” and I found that there is some evidence that the Piv might be on to something. Some health-related sites claim that soy “contains a natural chemical that mimics estrogen” and that “soy might increase the risk of breast cancer in some women, affect brain function in men and lead to hidden developmental ab-normalities in infants….2 glasses of soy milk/day, over the course of one month, contain enough of the chemical to change the timing of a woman’s menstrual cycle.” There’s also a few pieces devoted to the idea that “soy milk will make boys gay”. Whatever. Everything in moderation.

Anyway, the Piv and his food, I just don’t know. It was back in December of last year that Jeremy claimed he had mercury poisoning from eating too much sushi. And now he’s blaming soya on his moobs. Maybe the Piv needs one of those nutritional experts to give him some kind of consult. Because he obviously can’t choose his own food anymore.

Jeremy Piven is shown on 3/21/09. Credit: Fame Pictures

Jeremy Piven is surely a douche of the highest order, but I do believe that he had mercury poisoning and that’s why he had to withdraw from his play, Speed The Plow, last December. (He was sued for it, but the arbitrator ruled in his favor last month and determined that he didn’t violate his contract.)

Mercury poisoning just doesn’t seem like something you would make up. Piven also seemed sincere to me in his appearance explaining the incident on Letterman. He went on at length about his medical problems and you could tell that he really went through all that. He still came across as an arrogant dick, sure, but I do think that he was seriously ill.

Piven isn’t taking kindly to a small show performed at Joe’s Pub in NY City in which he’s being mocked over the mercury debacle. From the description on the Joe’s Pub website, it sounds like the show, The Piven Monologues, consists of people reading some of the skeptical reactions in the press to Piven’s mercury poisoning. The guy is a supreme dick and you can really understand why people don’t buy his side of the story and why he’s become such a target. Piven can’t stand it, though, and had his lawyer send out a cease and desist:

SELF-proclaimed sushi sufferer Jeremy Piven has slapped the Public Theater with a “cease and desist” letter over “The Piven Monologues,” a comic look at the star’s case of mercury poisoning and subsequent pullout from Broadway’s “Speed-the-Plow.” The show was staged last night and another performance is set for next month. Says Piven attorney Marty Singer, “We didn’t say you cannot do the play, we said you can’t make defamatory statements about our client.” An arbitrator ruled last month that Piven did not break his contract when he bailed. A theater rep declined to comment.

[From The NY Post]

Apparently The Public Theater owns Joe’s Pub and that’s why they’re the target of the lawsuit. (Crazy Days and Nights has more on that.)

This isn’t the first time that Piven has found jokes about his condition unfunny – he is said to have screamed at Chris Kattan last month for cracking wise about it.

The truth expert at Eyes for Lies often explains that anger is a natural response to being accused unfairly, and I think that Piven is offended because he went through the roughest time of his life and is being mocked for it. He’s not helping his already ruined image by getting so worked up and defensive, though. There’s a very good reason why people are so reluctant to believe him.

Here’s Jeremy Piven competing in the Malibu Triathlon this weekend. What a stud. Credit: Fame Pictures

Am I the only one who finds Jeremy “The Piv” Piven rather douchey? He’s always hitting on barely-legal girls and seems to give off the pungent stench of “gross”. That whole controversy with him dropping out of a Broadway play because of sushi poisoning was weird too – and The Piv is still being sued for that incident. If I was going to say something nasty to him, it would be about the barely-legal girls, not the mercury poisoning. It seems SNL-alum Chris Kattan went the other route, though. The Piv and Kattan were backstage at MTV when Kattan made a crack about The Piv’s play. The Piv proceeded to throw a massive hissy fit, and verbally attacked Chris in a “really personal” way, and Chris backed off, saying “Whoa, man – I thought we were just fooling around here.” When Chris tried to apologize a little while later, The Piv just slammed the door in Kattan’s face:

Jeremy Piven can’t take a joke when it comes to that alleged mercury poisoning. Backstage at Alexa Chung’s MTV talk show on Thursday, the “Entourage” star got into a screaming match with fellow comic Chris Kattan over the fishy situation.

Kattan – who’s been in town talking up his IFC miniseries “Bollywood Hero” – greeted Piven with a snarky, “So, what are you here to promote, your Broadway play?”

Piven, who famously dropped out of “Speed the Plow” in December, is in a legal battle with producers who believe the actor fabricated his illness in order to get out of completing his contract, and was none too happy to be reminded of the incident.

The actor sniped back irritably, “Well, what are you here to promote? Mango?” – a reference to Kattan’s swishy “Saturday Night Live” stripper character.

The actors continued to bark for a few minutes, but while Kattan thought the argument was in jest, Piven did not. Says an insider, “After some back and forth, Jeremy said something really personal to Chris that basically attacked his career. He said ‘Whoa, man – I thought we were just fooling around here.’”

Not the right thing to say to the man who plays Ari Gold, apparently. “I’m getting sued for that s–t!” the actor shouted. “It’s not funny!”

Our source adds, “Jeremy slammed the green room door right in Chris’ face, and about 20 people in the hallway outside could hear him yelling obscenities. He was furious.”

“Chris felt really badly about the whole thing, so about 15 minutes later he tried to approach Jeremy again to apologize, to tell him he was just kidding and that he didn’t mean to offend in any way. But Jeremy wasn’t having it at all. He slammed the door in Chris’ face AGAIN.”

Says Piven’s rep of the incident, “Jeremy and Chris did see each other at MTV and they were joking around backstage before a talk show appearance, as many actors do. If it was interpreted as a fight, someone wasn’t paying attention.”

Kattan’s publicist has a different take on the situation. “Chris mistakenly asked Jeremy if he was there to promote his play and Piven fired back with ‘What are you here to promote, Mango?’ Chris tried to apologize.”

We still urge Jeremy to lighten up. Aren’t comedians supposed to be able to take a joke?

[From Gatecrasher]

Chuckle. I could make a crack about bitchy C-list talent, but I tend to think The Piv might be considered B-List at this point. His turn on Entourage has won him some awards, so it seems he’s in a better position, career-wise, than Kattan. I love it when men show their inner divas, though. It’s hilarious. It would have been funnier if Kattan and The Piv had actually gotten into a slap-fight. I would have put money on Kattan in that case.

UPDATE: Part of the denial is already in the Gatecrasher piece, but The Piv’s people just released another denial. They’re protesting so loudly, it makes me think that there was a lot of truth to this story. Anyway, The Piv’s mouthpiece says the same stuff that’s in Gatecrasher, but adds a new detail, “If it was interpreted as a fight, someone wasn’t paying attention, that’s all. Both gentlemen spoke on the phone yesterday, there is no issue.” Aw, sounds like The Piv called Chris to apologize. That’s better than holding some immature grudge, so good for them.

Is it universally accepted that Jeremy Piven is totally skeezy? Piven turns 44 years old later this month, and yet whenever he makes the news for his “dating” habits, he’s always hitting on teenage girls, or girls barely out of their teens. There were rumors that Piven had a big crush on Megan Fox last year - when she was 21 years old. Allegedly, Piven went up to Megan at last year’s Spike TV Awards and struck out with this line: “I don’t know you, but I should.” It was also reported that Piven was “staring at her like she was a lamb chop.” Megan walked away – which I have to give her credit for. A few months later, Piven allegedly struck out with Hayden Panettiere at one of the post-Emmy parties. But that hasn’t stopped the lust in Piven’s heart for the 19-year-old Hayden:

Jeremy Piven seemed fully recovered from mercury poisoning at Thursday night’s “Entourage” premiere in LA.

Spies at the Belvedere-hosted soiree on the Paramount lot told us, “Piven was looking Hayden Panettiere up and down in between sips of vodka and soda.”

The 19-year-old “Heroes” starlet was with Alexis Dziena, who was in one episode of the HBO show, while Jamie-Lynn Sigler cuddled with beau Jerry Ferrara, who plays Turtle.

[From Page Six]

Gross. But you know what’s even grosser? Hayden might have been up for it. That girl likes older men – her ex-boyfriend Milo Ventimiglia and her current boyfriend/hookup Steve Jones are both 32 years old. That’s right – the same guy she was hooking up with in Cannes in May, they’re back on. They were seen together this weekend:

Recently claiming she’s single and mingling, Hayden Panettiere did more of the latter recently during a night out with her most recent fling, Welsh TV host Steve Jones.

While they were rumored to have split, it seems like they may have the makings of a full blown summer romance. According to an onlooker at Firefly restaurant, the two got close throughout the night as they hung out with other pals. At one point, the actress even slipped into his lap.

One point of contention: who picked up the bill. After a little squabbling, Panettiere grabbed the nearly three hundred dollar tab.

The two were first spotted sunning on a yacht together in the south of France during the Cannes film festival. They also had dinner in London with Elton John and his partner David Furnish.

[From Radar]

So is Hayden Jeremy’s soul mate or what? She’s practically jailbait, she digs older men, and she doesn’t seem to worry about sticking with relationships. Sounds like “the Piv” should have tried his chances once again with Hayden. So, so gross.

Jeremy Piven and Hayden Panettiere are shown at the Entourage season premiere on 7/10/09. Credit: PRPhotos

Jeremy Piven at the Screen Actors Guild Awards in January. Photo credit: WENN.

Entourage star and Emmy-award winner Jeremy Piven was called into a hearing with Actors Equity today to testify regarding the circumstances leading up to his leaving the production of “Speed the Plow” by David Mamet. If you recall, Piven was about halfway through his Broadway run with the show when he abruptly left, citing mercury poisoning as the cause. Apparently, the Piv has a thing for sushi – so much so that he claims to have toxic levels of mercury in his system. The producers of the show didn’t buy it- and they filed a grievance against Piven with Actors Equity.

Jeremy Piven showed up for his grievance hearing lodged by the Actors’ Equity Association for leaving his Broadway play — Speed-the-Plow — mid-run, because of excessive, mercury-laden sushi.

The Actors’ Equity Association could not reach a ruling today in the hearing, so now it looks like they might be headed to arbitration.

Jeremy Piven’s reps have just come out swinging, boasting that during the grievance hearing over his aborted Broadway play, the actor’s union sided with him. And Jeremy’s reps want you to know, a doctor with connections to two hoity-toity colleges backs him up.

Producers for “Speed-the-Plow” will have to now convince an arbitrator Jeremy’s doctor’s note claiming mercury poisoning was bogus. In the statement, Jeremy’s rep says Piven was so sick he could have had a heart attack if he didn’t drop out of the play. So Jeremy did, despite “glowing reviews.”

Piven’s rep says Jeremy was examined by a “Harvard-educated cardiologist affiliated with Yale.” End of story!

And there’s this. Piven says he is “pleased with the Obama administration” for seeking an international treaty to reduce Mercury pollution.

[Compiled from TMZ reports]

This story just gets weirder and weirder. What will happen if Actors Equity rules against Piven – will he be liable for any losses the producers experienced by him dropping out of the show? And if Piven is victorious, will he start flaking out like this on the set of Entourage, too? For now, it does look like Piven’s got his bases covered, with a well-respected doctor vouching for him. It’ll be interesting to see how this effects his career from here on out. Personally, I want to know just how much damn sushi this guy was eating!

Note by Celebitchy: According to the National Enquirer, Piven hasn’t given up the raw fish:

At the Beverly Hills Hotel post-awards bash, “Night of 100 Stars”… [Jeremy Piven scarfed down lots of raw fish when he wasn't hitting on every gorgeous girl in sight.

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, March 9, 2009]

Here’s The Piv leaving a shopping trip at Barney’s New York earlier this week. Hope he’s not heading out for sushi. Photo credits: WENN.

Jeremy Piven announced in mid December that he would drop out of the Broadway play Speed The Plow due to mercury poisoning. Producers expressed doubts that he was being sincere and threatened to sue. Now they’ve gone through with it.

The producers of “Speed-the-Plow” say they have filed a grievance with Actors’ Equity Association, the stage actors’ union, against Jeremy Piven for abruptly leaving the Broadway revival last month.

Piven quit the David Mamet comedy less than two months after it opened to favorable reviews at the Ethel Barrymore Theatre. The actor’s doctor said Piven was unable perform because of high levels of mercury in his system, possibly caused by eating large amounts of raw fish.

No date for the grievance proceedings was announced.

[from Yahoo]

Hopefully it won’t take too long for the proceedings to begin. Piven has been asking for trouble for some time now. He’s either in the news for winning an Emmy on a show in which he plays a scumbag, or in the news for being an actual scumbag.

Jeremy Piven went on Good Morning America on Thursday to defend himself. The public may have believed his story if his own production wasn’t suing him. If you’re going to go on Good Morning America to defend yourself because the entire entertainment industry thinks you’re full of it, it would probably be a good idea to talk to a real doctor and get some real facts beforehand. Instead, Piven defends his rambling medial explanations by telling Diane, “I’m not a doctor – I just don’t even play one on TV.” Truer words were never said.

Note by Celebitchy: I don’t know if I believe Piven, but it’s incredibly careless for Good Morning America to quote some doctor that claims you have to have hundreds or thousands of times the limit of mercury to experience effects like that. The FDA recommends limiting consumption of certain types of fish, particularly for pregnant women and children, and misleading statements like that make it seem as if mercury is harmless when it can cause severe, long lasting health effects. If Piven is telling the truth, he’s being hampered by the fact that he’s such a douche no one will buy his story, including his employers.

Jeremy Piven is shown at the Golden Globes on 1/11/09. Credit: WENN

Is there something fishy, pun intended, about Jeremy Piven’s mercury poisoning? The backers of the Broadway Production he was starring in, Speed-the-Plow, are understandably upset that the star draw card has left the stage. Now they want to get an independent doctor to assess whether or not he’s really sick.

The producers didn’t have star insurance on Piven. If they had, their insurance company would almost certainly investigate the actor’s claim before paying out any money.

But under the Actors’ Equity contract, the producers are entitled to have Piven’s medical records examined by another doctor. If they suspect fraud, they can sue him.

“If it turns out this is phony, it can really kill him,” says a veteran producer who’s not involved in “Speed-the-Plow.”

Yesterday, the show’s lead producer, Jeffrey Richards, said that Piven has in fact been examined by another doctor.

Richards declined to divulge the results, saying, “They are confidential.”

He adds: “We’re in the process of discussing what our next step will be.”

Several top Broadway producers say that if “Speed-the-Plow” were their show, they’d go after Piven.

“I’d kill the jerk,” one says, bluntly.

“You have an obligation to your investors to make sure he did not get out of this in an illegal way,” says another. “You have recourse, and if I had suspicions, I’d nail him.”

“I’d only bother if the show fell short of recoupment,” says a third. “But I’d let it be known that he’s destroyed his career in the theater.”

New York Post

Speed-the-Plow was a week away from returning its $3.5 million investment when Jeremy quit the show. I like most people, have never heard of mercury poisoning from eating too much sushi, but I can see how in a theoretical way you could get it. But, even if your body was inclined to mercury poisoning, that would have to be a lot of sushi. I’m thinking three meals a day, and eating your cat’s food for snacks.

While Jeremy probably doesn’t care that his Broadway career is over (he was trying to get out of his contract, if he’s faking the illness) it will be interesting to see if legal action is taken. ‘Discussing what our next step will be’ sounds ominous, but that may not be referring to Jeremy faking an illness. Obviously investors are looking to recoup any losses they may have made, and whether the show is viable to continue without Jeremy. He was scheduled to perform until February 22.