Star Magazine reports that John Mayer hasn’t been content to feed his white supremacist dong a steady stream of random groupies. No, John’s KKK dong demands young starlets. Like, inappropriately young. Like Taylor Swift. And now 90210’s Shenae Grimes, that chick who is known for her radical weight loss as soon as she got a touch of fame. She’s 21 years old, and it seems like the girl has self-esteem issues. Both of which is cat-nip for a predator like Mayer.

The secret’s out! 90210 babe Shenae Grimes, 21, has been raving about her steamy connection with John Mayer, 33, to pals on the Santa Monica, CA set of her upcoming drama, Sugar.

“Shanae is telling friend that she’s having a secret fling with John,” an insider reveals. “They’ve hooked up a few times and talk and text, but John wants to keep it low profile for once.”

Lovestruck Shenae has actually been crushing on John for years – she was spotted swooning over him at a concert he gave in Hollywood in August 2009. Now she’s pushing him to go public with their romance, but she will likely end up with a broken heart instead.

“She just doesn’t seem to get that he’s not the kind of guy to fall for too deeply,” an insider says of John, who has loved and left the likes of Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Aniston. “He’s a total player, and that isn’t going to change anytime soon.”

[From Star Magazine, print edition]

Ugh. There’s a reason why certain men in their 30s go for these young little things – because those dudes are totally freaks with massive issues, and the younger girls are less likely to call them on their bullsh-t. Which brings me to a story. A few weeks ago, a reader (who will be referred to as “J”) sent in a hilarious email about how her friend hooked up with John Mayer a while ago, and… yes, we have no idea if this is real or anywhere near the truth, but it’s just too good. Just read:

I’m aware that you can’t actually use this gossip as it’s second hand, but it’s so hysterical that I had to share. I’ve always been on the side of “give John Mayer a break, I think he’s just being funny.” That being said:

A girlfriend of ours had been living in Spain and just came back for the holidays so we had a get together. She started tell us the story about the time she hooked up with John Mayer right before she moved. She had gone to his concert and ended up hanging out with him and his band afterwards. She then went back to his hotel room to hook up.

He insisted on having his own music play while they made out. He talked repeatedly about his penis like it was a third person in the room, and kept asking her “do you like him? What do you think of him? Tell him you like him”. He then stopped having sex to put on another playlist – of his own music – because the music stopped.

She’s admittedly slept with a few musicians, athletes etc but she said he was the most narcissistic person that she’s ever been with.

I give up. He is a super douche. But her story and her impression of his O face was hysterical.

[Submitted from Reader J]

I mean… that’s what he’s like. It feels like the truth. So… my new thing is picturing Mayer’s psychotic O-face on top of Jennifer Aniston as his own music plays. That image will have you giggling for days.

UPDATE: …And Shenae is denying this. That’s interesting – I was expecting a Mayer denial. Maybe Shenae is smarter than I think? Shenae tweeted: “According to Star magazine John Mayer and I are in secret sexy cahoots. How wonderful for me…if wonderful meant embarrassing.” Oh, for goodness sake. She probably tipped Star off just so she could deny it.

These are photos of John Mayer and his new facial hair out and about in NYC on Tuesday. I haven’t been paying attention to Mayer lately, so I’m taking it on Fame Pcitures’ word that this facial hair is new-ish. What do you think? Douchestache? Dirtlip? He actually looks a little bit like James Franco in these photos – and that speaks volumes about the dumb styling choices Franco has been making. I also love that the douchestache says “I am too cool to care about shaving my dirtlip” while his blowout says “I’m fabulous, and this took two hours to achieve. Because I’m worth it!” Also – his sunglasses… there’s a subtle cat-eye to them, right? Mayer wears cat-eye sunglasses, gets expensive blow-outs and refuses to shave. Oh, and he’s also got that little “soul patch” thing on his bottom lip. Ugh. I hate those.

By the way, did you know that John Mayer has been in NYC the whole time Jake Gyllenhaal and Taylor Swift have been doing their maple-syrupy-morning-coffee romance? True story! Mayer has been out and about, keeping a surprisingly low profile – for him, which means getting pap’d every few days. There have been no Tumblr rants nor any impromptu press conferences with TMZ, ever since it was widely reported that Swifty wrote her song “Dear John” about their torrid and douchetastic relationship. Swifty never confirmed or denied it – and I think it’s pretty clear that she wrote it about Mayer dicking her over.

Anyway, I just thought I’d mention it… so that when we read yet another report from People Magazine about Swifty and Gyllenhaal playing Candyland until 9 pm on a school night while drinking hot chocolate with extra marshmallows (SCANDAL!), just think about this: Swifty conceivably could still be boning John Mayer. Think about it. She and Jake have their little PR relationship where their courtship seems to consist of ice cream with sprinkles and maybe HARD CIDER and Swifty is still riding the Mayer Douche Dong on the downlow. I keep telling you – Swifty is not this little perfect fairy tale princess. Ever since Mayer, that chick has been tainted.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Saturday was my beloved’s 41st birthday. Instead of flying down here to finally propose to me and whisk me off to my own private dongfest, Gerard Butler chose to celebrate in NYC, with his own private douchefest. Yes, Gerard brought in his 41st year of Scottish mooby hotness with JOHN MAYER. Ugh. Jesus, Gerry.

Scottish actor Gerard Butler celebrated his 41st birthday in style by performing an outrageous version of “Mustang Sally” with John Mayer. The heartthrob movie star took over new restaurant The Darby on Saturday night with a dinner and put on a series of shows for 100 guests, including Adrien Brody, Kate Hudson, Bono and Jay-Z.

Onstage, Butler joined the 14th Street dinner club’s ‘mistress of ceremonies,’ cabaret star Lady Rizo a k a Amelia Zirin-Brown, who said: “Some of you know him as Gerry, other as Gerard. I know him as Mistress Butler.”

A spy told us: “Australian comedian James Smith toasted Gerry. He then went on to make fun of him saying: ‘Gerard has been out so much he’s now just constantly on Page Six. Gerry is on Page Six so much they have to make it Page Seven.’ Smith also joked that Butler and Jennifer Aniston had “as much sexual chemistry as Regis and Kelly” in “The Bounty Hunter.”

“Gerry also sang Oasis hit ‘Wonderwall’ with Lady Rizo and Mayer played guitar. They then followed it up with ‘Mustang Sally.’ He had a pretty good voice — it wasn’t what you’d expect from the guy from ’300.’ It was epic. He was also in the deejay booth a lot and got the deejay to play a lot of rock, ’80s and funk. Gerry announced to the crowd that Mayer was going to sing for them, but John replied he just wanted to play guitar while Lady Rizo sang. So he had the crowd cheer to hear Mayer perform. Mayer then sang his hit “Who Says.”

Other guests at the dinner club, which officially opens on Wednesday, included skateboarder Tony Hawk, Jason Statham, Melissa George, Russell Simmons, Sante D’Orazio, Jeffrey Ross, Paul Haggis and a gaggle of models. A rep for Butler didn’t get back to us.

[From Page Six]

Do I begrudge him these birthday celebrations? Honestly, yes, I do. It sounds like a perfectly nice/douchey time, but I’m sure he would have had more fun at home with me, with me cooking Mistress Butler something special, like vagina parfait.

Also: since Gerry has been disappointing so much lately, can I just admit something? The fact that Gerry is tight with John Mayer disgusts me, and if I didn’t love Gerry so much, I would say that it speaks volumes about his (lack of) character. Isn’t that weird? I can handle his constant trolling for strange, I can take the man-handling of blondes, I can take the finger-up-Aniston’s-ass, but John Mayer is The One Douche Too Far.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Correction: Giada De Laurentiis is not a whore. My bad! Us Weekly has the formal denial of Star Magazine’s report, and Giada sounds super-pissed. To be fair, I would be pissed too if someone suggested I had anything to do with John Mayer’s dong. Giada sounds like she’s really close to pulling out Dino’s lawyers, although her entire statement is written in third person, which makes me think of Kellan Lutz, which is not a good image:

File under random: Tabloid Star claims TV chef Giada De Laurentiis has been hooking up with singer John Mayer.

But in a statement to UsMagazine.com, she denies it, saying:

“It is a shame a media outlet such as Star needs to rely on disgraceful lies and hide behind false anonymous “sources” in order to entertain their readers. When the Star reporter approached Giada De Laurentiis on Sunday, while she was co-hosting a children’s cancer fundraiser, Giada responded unequivocally that she did not see John Mayer when she was in New York for the Food and Wine Festival. Furthermore, contrary to the claims of an anonymous “source,” at no time did Giada step foot in the Gansevoort Hotel. Giada indeed met John Mayer briefly at a charity event in 2007 but has not seen him since. To be clear, they are not friends and cannot even go so far as to call John Mayer an acquaintance. There is not a sliver of truth to Star magazine’s story. It is unfortunate Star would publish these malicious untruths without reporting the fact that Giada was with her husband Todd that weekend in New York, along with their family and friends. Giada De Laurentiis and her family deserve an apology and we demand an immediate retraction.”

Mayer’s rep also tells Us: “The claims are absolutely ridiculous.”

[From Us Weekly]

Giada says that Giada has never been peed on, like *some* of Mayer’s ex-girlfriends. Giada says that Giada wouldn’t touch John Mayer’s douche dong with a ten foot pole, and even then, Giada would need to cover the pole in latex. And cheese. Because Giada says that Giada loves cheese, and Giada must put it on EVERYTHING.

Have I ever really discussed my love of nearly everything Food Network-related? I’m not even a foodie – in fact, I’m a picky eater. But I love to watch people cook, and I love to hear people discuss food. It relaxes me. Anyway, some of my favorites on the network are Paula Deen, Ina Garten, and Nigella Lawson – but I have some kind of strange affection for Giada De Laurentiis, even though she puts cheese on EVERYTHING. Salads, beef, desserts, cocktails, whatever, put some motherf-cking cheese on it. I get a kick out of her show, and thus, I know some facts about her: she’s married to a really nice milquetoast guy named Todd who thinks he scored big-time with Giada. They recently had a baby too – the baby isn’t even two years old, if I remember correctly. And now I know something else – Giada is a whore. NOOOOO!!!! According to Star Mag, Giada is licking parmigiano reggiano off of JOHN MAYER.

John Mayer has earned a reputation for romancing some of the most eligible women in showbiz, but now Star can exclusively reveal that he’s been involved in a steamy romance with a married TV chef!

Multiple sources tell Star that John has shared hot nights with sexy Food Network star Giada De Laurentiis, as we report in our Nov. 22 issue. Last month, John and Giada — who has a 2-year-old daughter with her husband of seven years, Anthropologie fashion designer Todd Thompson — were seen together at the Boom Boom Room at The Standard hotel in New York.

“John had one hand on the small of her back,” an eyewitness tells Star. “They looked like two people who were going to go home together.”

Later that night, another eyewitness saw them at the nearby Hotel Gansevoort, where they disappeared into a suite together!

When approached by Star for comment, a giggling Giada admitted, “I was at The Standard that night.” But she insists she’s not cooking up trouble with John — and didn’t even see him that night: “I’ve met him and he’s a great guy, but I just like his music. That’s all.”

However, a source close to John says, “This doesn’t surprise me one bit! He’s always talked about how he was into her.”

Pick up this week’s issue — on newsstands Wednesday — for the full story, including all the details of their recent night out together and how they’ve been linked to one another in the past.

[From Star Magazine]

Well, who isn’t into Giada? She’s cute as a button, and she fries her own Italian donuts. I don’t blame Mayer for having a crush on Giada, and I don’t blame Giada for (barf) liking his music. But I will blame them both for boning. Mayer for speading his douche to a married lady, and Giada for screwing around on Todd, who genuinely seems like a nice guy (although totally boring). Now, can we take Star’s word for it? Eh. They were right about Ashton Kutcher… but they’ve been wrong about other stuff.

Us Weekly has an article in their print edition this week about the “secret dates” that John Mayer and Kim Kardashian have been out on lately. We heard last week that Kim and John might be an item. The gist of US’ article is that these two are “just friends” – with benefits. I think Kim is guy-savvy enough to know that John is a major player and if she wants anything more than sex and some pseudo intellectual conversation out of the guy she should look elsewhere, but maybe I’m wrong. The article insists that she thinks he’s changed. Here’s part of US’ report:

Explains a Kim pal, “[Kim and John have] been out a few times. She’s a single girl doing her thing.” And while Mayer was MIA from the recently [birthday] celebrations (Kim also had an intimate yacht party on her actual birthday, October 21), the due met up at a New York City hot spot that same week, and in September partied at a Los Angeles’ Soho House on the sly before leaving together. But while a Mayer friend denies any relationship, saying, “He’s single,” the Kim source insists, “they’re friends-plus. They’re figuring out if they want to make it more romantic…”

“They have been friends for years,” says another Kim confidant. “To her, he doesn’t come off as a womanizer. She feels he was just living life and he’s different now.” As is Kim. While she’s mostly dated athletes in the past, “her taste has changed,” says a third friend. And there’s one big thing she and Mayer have in common: a strong work ethic. “They are both really focused on their careers, and they admire that in each other,” says the Kim insider.

[From US Weekly, print edition, November 8, 2010]

She does have a lot in common with Mayer in that they’re both desperate for attention. Kim just strikes me as the type who can separate men into guys she dates/screws and guys she falls in love with without getting all hung up on the wrong ones. She would represent a major notch on Mayer’s belt and I can envision him going after her. He likes to have famous girlfriends and would use Kim for the notoriety, which he’s been lacking since he’s been off-again from Aniston. Maybe she’ll ultimately rebuff him, though. I can’t bother to care, but it would only hurt her image to be associated with this capital D douche.

US Weekly also reports online that Kim is getting flirty on Twitter with her presumed ex, Miles Austin. Anything to get us talking about her, after which she’ll give some vague statement about how she’s single.

Kim Kardashian is shown promoting her perfume on 10/27. John Mayer is shown out in the village on 10/24. Credit: WENN.com

I actually like the idea of Kim Kardashian and John Mayer together. They make sense on paper, although they would probably be a total disaster in real life. Kim is in no way Mayer’s type – he likes his girls to be of the “Aryan race” persuasion, because his dick is racist, remember? And Kim rarely, if ever, dates white guys. Still, Kim is a famewhore who is famous for nothing, and she’s always looking for a new guy to widen her “brand.” And Mayer is a famewhore who is famous for being a douche to women, and he’s always looking for a girl with low self-esteem so he can prey upon them like Douche Dracula. So… they would make sense together, right? Let’s make this happen:

Serial celebrity dater John Mayer may have his eye on curvy Kim Kardashian. Sources said Mayer recently was out one night with the sultry star, who’s in town filming her new series.

One source said, “They brought along other friends, but the idea was to see if they would hit it off.”

Kim’s made it clear she’s on the hunt for a new man in New York. But Mayer wasn’t amused when we reported they were seen chatting in the lobby of Sirius XM last December.

He wrote on Twitter, “I see @kimkardashian at Sirius/XM and say hello like a gentleman and you want to spin a story at my expense? [Bleep] you!” Reps for Kardashian and Mayer didn’t get back to us.

[From Page Six]

So they met last December… since then, Mayer had a Playboy douche explosion, he left his Twitter, and he dicked over Taylor Swift, then 19 years old. And over the past ten months, Kim has broken up with Reggie Bush, and then tried to make everyone think that she was over Reggie. So… they’re in different places now. It makes sense that they would go out and see if they could make it work. I patiently await Taylor Swift’s song about Kim.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Shortly after Taylor Swift broke up with Taylor Lautner, there began to be a steady stream of rumors about Swifty and John Mayer. The two performed together a handful of times, and many thought that Swifty and Mayer were boning as early as January of this year, up until June/July of this year. Do I think it was true? Yes, I do. I think Swifty thought she was dating Mayer. And I think Mayer was probably seeing many other women besides Swifty. I also think they were having sex, and that the whole thing was probably devastating to Swifty. Now we know for sure (not really) – Swifty has a song on her new album called “Dear John” and the lyrics are basically saying that Swifty got dicked around by a dude named John. Magic!

Blogs are abuzz that Taylor Swift is targeting serial dater John Mayer on a new song, “Dear John,” from her forthcoming album, Speak Now.

Swift, 20 — who was romantically linked to Mayer, 33, last year while collaborating on his song, “Half of My Heart” — has penned the following lyrics:

“Dear John…”I see it all now that you’re gone Don’t you think I was too young To be messed with The girl in the dress Cried the whole way home I should’ve known. It was wrong Don’t you think nineteen’s too young To be played By your dark, twisted games When I loved you so. My mother accused me of losing my mind But I swore I was fine You’ll add my name to your long list of traitors Who don’t understand And I’ll look back in regret I ignored what they said ‘Run as fast as you can.”

Though Swift hasn’t stated whether the song is about Mayer. she tells Access Hollywood, her lyrics “are all made very clear. Every single song is like a roadmap to what that relationship stood for, with little markers that maybe everyone won’t know, but there are things that were little nuances of the relationship, little hints. And every single song is like that. Everyone will know, so I don’t really have to send out emails on this one.”

[From Us Weekly]

I have mixed feelings about this, mainly because I really do think it’s about Mayer and his douche moves. First of all, everyone warned Swifty about hooking up with Mayer, including her mom and her friends, and even the gossip blogs that note his every douche move. Yes, she was just 19 years old. But she was also an a–hole who thought Mayer would change if she loved him, despite all the evidence to the contrary. So even though I hate that Mayer f-cked with Swifty’s head, I also kind of think this was a lesson she needed to learn, and she should be happy it didn’t get dragged out like the Aniston crap. I also think Swifty is getting to the age where she might want to be a little more oblique with her lyrics – some of the best “screw you” music is stuff where you don’t know who the girl is singing to, you know? “You’re So Vain” still haunts me.

OK! Magazine is running yet another “exclusive” non-interview Jennifer Aniston cover story. In this one, they claim that Jen declares “I’m back with John!” that “she’s still in love with him,” “he’s ready to start a family” and we’ll hear the details “inside their secret romantic nights at the Ritz.” The inset photo of Jen and John on the cover is an old one, from back in the summer of 2008.

OK!’s story is one we heard over a week ago, about how Aniston and Mayer hooked up in Atlanta when he was stopped there on tour. They add some alleged details and insider quotes, with a “pal” insisting that “she’s still hopelessly in love with him.” The “friend” goes on to add that “Jen feels it was actually John who was the love of her life and the one who got away.” Here’s part of OK!’s story:

On Sept. 7, Jen had a secret romantic rendezvous with a man from her past – one who had broken her heart – John Mayer.

The A-listers spent two evenings together – the first in the presidential suite of the Ritz-Carlton in Atlanta, ordering room service and drinking Perrier-Jouet champagne and pots of Berry Wellness organic tea. The next night, Jen snuck backstage at John’s concert wearing workout clothes and a baseball cap to hide her famous mane, hoping she wouldn’t be recognized. Afterward, the couple went back to Jen’s suite at The Ritz-Carlton.

“I know Jen had to work the next day, so it wasn’t hours and hours in bed, but she was there,” a pal close to Jen confirms to OK! of the actress, who was in Atlanta filming Wanderlust. (John was in town on tour.) “It went so well, there will be more coming…

“She claims they’re just friends, but the truth is that she’s still hopelessly in love with him… it’s ironic, because the rumors about her past always come back to her and [Brad Pitt]. But Jen feels it was actually John who was the love of her life and the one who got away…

“Jennifer’s been bored to tears with the men she’s been seeing…”

“Everyone’s been tell Jen John’s bad news and she needs to cut him out of her life completely,” says one insider.

Admits another friend of the actress: “I’m shocked that she’s chosen to touch base with him again, I really am…

“I’ve never seen her give anyone a second chance. This is very out of character for her. But she must have good reason to finish out what she and John started…

But now, over the course of several long phone conversations, John has convinced her that he “hadn’t been dating, that he’d given up one-night stands and hooking up with groupies and was done mouthing off to the press about his private life.” (So far, he’s lived up to his end – when asked about a renewed romance, John’s camp demurred, saying: “Although the two remain friends, there’s no truth to any of these rumors.” Jen’s reps deny it, too.)

But John is now apparently ready to settle down and start a family. As OK! previously reported, Jen is ready for kids, too. “John has played the field and led the rock star lifestyle for long enough now,” an insider tells OK!. “He’s gotten it all out of his system and wants to settle down with a girl who can be his best friend. There’s nobody out there who got him like Jen did – they shared a deep emotional connection and a fantastic sex life.”

[From OK! Magazine, print edition, October 4, 2010]

OK! claims that John and Jen’s meeting was “the first time the stars have been together in more than a year.” Assuming they did hook up at a hotel a couple of weeks ago, it could have been just some friendly ex sex. We haven’t heard much about them since although maybe they’re laying low.

It’s hard to tell if this is spin from her PR people or some creative storytelling from OK! Given the way OK! has declared her pregnant multiple times, I’m thinking it’s straight from them. Still, it’s suspicious that they’re painting John as a changed man and making it sound like he deserves another chance. That’s like setting us up for a reunion. If they are getting back together, we’re sure to know about it pretty soon. If that’s the case, and that’s a big “if,” John will bolt again soon.

Photo below of Aniston from 8/16/10. Mayer is shown performing on 9/11/10 in West Palm Beach, CA. Get a haircut! Credit: WENN.com

Guess who’s back to partying all night? That’s right. Our favorite crackhead. By the way, these are “modeling” shots of Lindsay Lohan – for the Fornarina campaign, which I guess is for… liquor? Clothes? Paper? Eyeshadow? Dark alleys? Dunno. Lately, whenever I see one of Lindsay’s photo shoots, I always think that she must be so popular with photographers because there’s something about her features that make it very easy to Photoshop. Because the “professional” images of Lindsay always look nothing like the “candid” crack face that we’ve come to know so well. Speaking of, and getting back on topic: The crack drama has commenced. Instead of just sitting quietly and behaving herself until November, Lindsay is already getting her itch. And no, not her crotch (well, maybe). According to Us Weekly, Lindsay already pulled an all-nighter out in “da clubs”:

No cheers here: The day after Lindsay Lohan taped her pro-sobriety VMA guest spot with Chelsea Handler, the fresh-out-of-rehab star, 24, was back to her old habits, a source tells Us Weekly.

“It’s the same old cycle of lying and denials,” an insider says of the Machete star, who was spotted at NYC club Boom Boom Room until the wee hours of the night of September 11, just 18 days after she was released from her court-ordered postjail treatment at UCLA’s Neurophysciatric hospital.

“She’s telling everyone she didn’t go out,” says the insider. “We’re like, ‘Lindsay, people saw you there!’”

A witness at the hot spot notes, “It looked like she didn’t want to be noticed.”

Whether or not the four-time-rehabbed star is truly off the wagon, friends are concerned she’s back in the club scene.

“Everything that she went through seems not to have changed her a bit,” says the friend. “It’s sad.”

[From Us Weekly]

“Everything that she went through seems not to have changed her a bit.” No sh-t, Sherlock. That’s why all of us out here in the cheap seats wanted her to do the full SIX MONTHS of rehab instead of this bullsh-t “whatever you feel like, rainbows!” outpatient bullsh-t. And you know it’s only going to get worse.

Next story – In Touch Weekly reports this week that “Jennifer Aniston and Lindsay Lohan are fighting over John Mayer.” I’m a little sketchy on the details of this (the story comes from Jezebel’s tabloid-round-up), but I think the gist of it is that John Mayer is keeping Lindsay Lohan on the back-burner, like, the “back-up piece” while simultaneously boning Jennifer Aniston as his main piece. Hey – I’m only using the terminology that Mayer endorses! According to In Touch’s sources, Lindsay is crazy for KKK dong, and “Lindsay is back to men, and she thinks John is so hot. They’ve already spent time together in L.A.” But what about Samantha? Eh. As for Mayer, sources say: “John has always been attracted to Lindsay, and they’ve been in touch ever since she got out of rehab.” Perhaps that’s who Lindsay was seeing at the club? Hm?

Photos courtesy of Celebsgossip.net.