Note by Celebitchy: Sammie wrote this cute piece about Jennifer Aniston’s dog not approving of John Mayer. I think we can file this one under the same creative fiction as her fall wedding and non-baby, but it’s a funny story and I wanted to publish it. Aniston also looked pretty amazing when she was photographed yesterday outside her agent’s office.

“John is crazy about dogs, but for some reason, Norman has taken a strong dislike to him,” says an insider. “He’s become very protective of Jen lately and barks and growls every time John comes to the house. Naturally, Jennifer is upset because she dotes on Norman and treats him like a child. As much as she loves John, she’d never consider getting rid of her ‘baby.’”

[From Globe, print edition, August 11, 2008]

To try and help the two boys in her life get along, Globe reports Jennifer consulted an animal behaviorist, who suggested John spend more one-on-one time with Norman by feeding and walking him.

Obviously, Jennifer didn’t consult the Dog Whisperer, who would suggest something much more severe to show Norman who was pack leader.

No word on whether John is taking the behaviorist’s advice, but if he wants to marry Jennifer, he’ll need to at least give it a try. Jennifer told Star why she loves her dogs so much:

It’s nice to open your door and have somebody run to you and jump on you and kiss you because they cannot believe you are actually back. They are so excited; they love you. It’s quite simple.

[From Star, print edition, August 11, 2008]

Coincidentally (or maybe not), Jennifer and John first went public with their relationship while Jennifer was in Miami filming Marley & Me, the story of a married couple who adopt an unruly puppy.

Jennifer takes her two dogs everywhere and does seem to find comfort in having Norman and Dolly with her. If Norman really does dislike John, then Jennifer should dump John right away. I may be a cat person, but I know that an animal’s instincts are much better than a person’s when it comes to romantic interests. Trust your dog, Jen!

Photo credit: Fame Pictures and WENN

OK! Magazine claims to have an exclusive story with all the details of Jennifer Aniston’s planned backyard wedding to John Mayer. They claim it will be the “WEDDING of the YEAR” in that bright yellow font the tabloids love to use. Judging from the quotes that are included in the teaser article posted on OK!’s site, it’s probably one of those stories that is entirely based on “insiders” and “sources,” and it sounds like it will sell a lot of copies even if it strikes me as completely fabricated at first glance:

In the coming months, Jennifer Aniston will be celebrating two major milestones in her life: turning 40, and marrying the new love of her life, John Mayer.

“She’s at an age where she is thinking with her head not just her heart,” a source close to the actress tells OK!, adding that the event will take place this fall. “No way would she still be with anyone if marriage wasn’t a real option.”

When Jen married Brad Pitt eight years ago, they spent $1 million on the ceremony, which featured a gospel choir, four bands, fireworks and an estimated 50,000 flowers!

But this time around, Jen wants something entirely different. “She doesn’t want anything elaborate or showy,” one friend tells OK!.

With best friend Courteney Cox as her matron of honor and godchild Coco Arquette as her flower girl, Jen will have all the attendants she needs or wants.

With both of them sharing the same laid-back and down-to-earth lifestyle, friends say Jen and John, 30, are made for each other.

“They are just a perfect match,” says a friend. “And everything about that will come through in this beautiful wedding.”

[From OK! Magazine]

You know those inspirational e-mail chain letters that Snopes calls glurge? They usually focus on stories of questionable origin like a terminally sick child getting his hospital bills paid by someone he once talked to in a restaurant. That’s what OK! Magazine is like at times. They’re one of the nicer celebrity glossies, and they never give us grief about using their exclusive photos, but it’s part sickly sweet fiction with enough details added in that you might be inclined to believe it if you don’t dig any deeper.

The bulleted details that OK! includes on the cover to add legitimacy to this article are:

• Intimate Beverly Hills I Do’s?

• Strapless Vera Wang Dress
• Matron of Honor Courteney Cox
• Orchids, Oysters and Champagne
• Honeymoon in Greece!

Ten to one these are just suggestions for Jen and John on their special day and the rest of the article is filled with quotes from a source, but we’ll have to see. I know I’ll be buying this issue to find out what all the fuss is about, and so will countless other people. OK! couldn’t afford the photos of Knox and Vivienne, but they can help us imagine what Aniston’s dream backyard wedding would be like. If she were actually engaged and planning to marry that guy she’s been with for about four and a half months.

Update: Aniston’s annoyed rep calls this story, along with another one that ran in Star about how Aniston wants Mayer’s surly baby “complete fabrications”

But her rep tells Usmagazine.com: “She is not getting married.”

See what a body language expert had to say about Jen Aniston and John Mayer.

Meanwhile, Star claims in its latest issue that she is going to have Mayer’s baby “as Brad and Angie’s twins wow the world.”

Says Aniston’s rep: “Both headlines are complete fabrications.”

[From US Magazine]

He forgot to add - “but if she was getting married again, it would be just like OK! describes, and she’s always wanted a honeymoon in Greece. That sounds so dreamy.”

You know your relationship is getting serious when it comes time to have the moving in discussion. While it can be a little nerve-wracking (What if they say no? What if they’re mortified I even asked?) apparently that’s not possibility that’s even entered into Jennifer Aniston’s head. According to Now Magazine, when Jen asked John Mayer to move in with her, it was more of a command/threat/ultimatum, depending on how you look at it.

Dishing out ultimatums is a risky business and it can backfire. Jennifer Aniston accompanied John Mayer on his tour dates in Callifornia [sic] last month but her reunion with him in Chicago on 18 July, after a few days apart, wasn’t a joyful one.

After she arrived at 2am at the Peninsula Hotel bar in the Windy City, security got rid of all the other guests so that John, 30, and Jen, 39, could dine alone together and have a serious heart-to-heart chat about their future.

‘It was crunch time,’ a source close to the couple tells Now.

‘Jen’s told him she wants him to move into her £7.5 million Hollywood home once the tour ends [on 31 August], but John’s told her that, while he’s not against it in principle, they have to give it time.’

[From Now Magazine]

I think the “crunch time” is supposed to be the ultimatum. The way Now ends the article makes it sound like John said no for the time being. But AZ Central says he’s agreed, and will be moving in at the end of September.

Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are planning a “trial marriage”. The couple – who have been dating for three months – are said to be keen to test the strength of their relationship, and think John moving into Jennifer’s house is the perfect first step.

A source said: “John wants to settle down as much as Jennifer does. “What’s more, he’s been telling her that he thinks she is the one and she believes him.” John’s move into Jennifer’s Beverly Hills mansion is set to happen after his tour ends in September.

The couple are also reportedly planning a family. The source added to Britain’s Grazia magazine: “John is the first guy since Brad who has talked seriously about having children and Jennifer is very excited about it.”

[From AZ Central]

This whole thing just sounds fraught with peril. John Mayer is not the guy you settle down with. At least current 30-year-old John Mayer isn’t. He’s the guy you use to get back at/get over your ex-boyfriend. And from the stories I’ve heard, John will help you out with that no matter who you are. But he’s not the man you start picking out china with. Generally I don’t jump on the “poor Jennifer Aniston” train because I think she’s reasonably smart and not nearly as pathetic as tabloids paint her to be. But I really think she’s getting duped here, and this can only end badly.

Note by Celebitchy: I would be surprised if either of these stories is anything more than speculation. Yes we picked a very unflattering picture of these two, but it’s hard to find one where they’re together.

Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are shown on 6/28/08 in London. Credit: ISO IMAGES/bauergriffinonline.com

John Mayer sported closely-shorn hair at concerts in California over the weekend. On Saturday night in Mountain View he told the crowd he had a dream in which he was cheating on a significant other. E! Online says a concert-goer reports that he was talking about “dream cheating” on his girlfriend, but it doesn’t sound like he mentioned Aniston by name. She was not in the audience that night:

Concertgoers in Mountain View, Calif., got an earful of Mayer’s infidelities last night during a stop on the singer’s national tour, where he admitted that Aniston caught him cheating in his sleep.

“He was talking about ‘dream cheating,’” an eyewitness tells E! News. “He apparently made out with some chick in his dreams.”

And what price did Mayer have to pay to his famous squeeze?

“He had to do his penance to his girlfriend by singing ‘Dreaming with a Broken Heart,’” the onlooker tells us.

[From E! Online]

Last night Aniston did go to Mayer’s concert in Irvine, though, where he made a reference to being home and sleeping in his own bed that night. He didn’t say much else, though, telling the crowd there would be “more music” and “less talk,” according to People.com. Maybe he was conscious of his slight overshare the night before.

John looks pretty good with less hair, and it sounds like he’s trying to talk less smack too. Both are a welcome change.

Star Magazine has a new story this week that Aniston is being “clingy” and doesn’t “take her hands off” Mayer, and that her needy ways are driving him away. They tell a story about his performance in London on June 28 in which “Jen was all over him [backstage] and wouldn’t let him greet any of his fans, especially the female ones. You could tell John was uncomfortable.” Star seems to be basing their story primarily on the photos of John and Jen together, which do tend to show Jen reaching out for John while he seems reluctant. They claim “John’s weirded out by Jen’s constant need for PDAs.” I don’t think Star has any insider information, but they might be right. It doesn’t seem like these two are much more than a summer fling, but part of me hopes they’ll last and get married. It seems so unlikely, but they make a pretty unique couple and I’d like them to turn into something solid - if only for how interesting it would be.

John Mayer is shown performing in Irvine, CA yesterday. Credit: Aaron D. Settipane/WENN

Yesterday In Touch ran a story that we were about to cover which claimed that an American journalist in Amsterdam was hit on by John Mayer in a “coffee shop” there. According to In Touch, she recognized him but didn’t let on that she knew who he was. When she asked him what his relationship status was, he said “it’s vague.” This would mean that Mayer isn’t hesitating to hit on other women while he’s away on tour and that he’s either no longer with Jennifer Aniston or is cheating on her. The woman Mayer supposedly talked to says it’s not true, though, and that she did meet him but it was like a year ago. In Touch mentioned her by name, and she says she’s really upset they did that and that the distorted the story so much. Chaton Anderson has a friend at In Touch and says that’s how this story got started, but that the result was a near complete fabrication:

The magazine claims in a story titled “Jen’s Betrayed Again” that Mayer, 30, got “very flirty” with Chaton Anderson, 32, in Amsterdam on June 20. The magazine reports that Mayer described his “relationship status” as “very vague” and that he maintained “very intense” eye-contact during a two-hour conversation.

“None of this is true,” Anderson told Us from her home in Manhattan Beach, CA on Wednesday.

“I met John Mayer almost a year ago,” she explained. “I don’t understand why they’ve said it was this year.

“Nothing happened anyway – nothing at all,” she added. “I just met him briefly and he said, ‘Hello, I’m John,’ and that was it! It was just groups of people in a coffee shop.”

A rep for Mayer also told Us: “The In Touch story is false.”

The origin of In Touch’s story?

Anderson says she told a friend who works at the tabloid that she met Mayer “a long time ago” – and the story was fabricated from there. She says she had no idea she would even be appearing in the magazine.

[From US Weekly]

The thing is, if In Touch didn’t mention this other woman by name she probably wouldn’t even know the story was based on the brief time she met Mayer when he wasn’t even flirting with her. All we would have would be a denial by Mayer’s rep and I know I would be shaking my head and assuming he did this. It’s a much-needed lesson in how the tabloids make up fake stories. Think of how many other times this happens that we’re never privy to the origins of the fake story.

John Mayer is shown out shopping on 7/16/08. Credit: Splash News.

I’ve always felt that one of the most important lies you tell in a relationship is that you’ve only ever loved/cared about the person you’re with right then. Sure we all know the other person has been with people before us - but the polite thing to do is act like you’ve never even known love or passion until this particular partner came along. That’s my number one ingredient for a healthy relationship. And it’s worked very unsuccessfully so far.

But imagine you’re Jennifer Aniston. Sure, you’ve been with your fair share of guys, but nothing particularly odd in either direction. Then you fall for John Mayer and follow him around the world like a professional groupie. How in the world do you pretend that he hasn’t been with scads of random chicks? Especially when you find their old love letters hidden in his guitar case?

John Mayer can’t keep those pesky ex-es away. His girlfriend Jennifer Aniston found “a batch” of love letters from his ex-girlfriend Jessica Simpson in his guitar case. “Jennifer was more hurt than angry at the discovery,” said a source. “The letters surprisingly were very touching and well written.” Aniston appeared to be fine after Mayer smoothed things over. Her rep called the tale “completely fabricated.”

[From the New York Post]

I don’t believe anything PR reps say anymore; and I’d much prefer to believe this story is true. The only reason I kinda sorta believe Jen’s rep is that the Post’s source claims that Jessica Simpson was able to write well. Of course they meant surprising for Jessica… that could mean anything. It could be anywhere from “less dumb” to “mediocre.”

If the story is true, I can understand why that would hurt Jen. The fact that the letters were hidden indicates that John knew they’d be upsetting and/or he shouldn’t still have them (at least as far as a new girl would be concerned). It really destroys any bit of that “I’ve never loved anyone but you” facade that’s so nice to put up. But then again, we’re talking about a guy that’s openly admitted to sleeping with his fans in the past. Nothing should really be a surprise anymore.

Here’s John and Jessica back when they were dating in 2007. Header of Jennifer Aniston leaving the Waverly Inn restaurant in New York City after having dinner with John on May 14th. Images thanks to WENN.

I generally find John Mayer to be pretty funny, even though I don’t care for his music that much. His blogs are often humorous. Every so often he’ll bitch about the media, and say he doesn’t understand why they’re portraying him as a “cad.” And he can really yak on about it. He claims he hasn’t been with that many women, and once even said his number was average or even a little low for a guy. Then today he admits he’s hooked up with some of his female fans. So what exactly is it that you don’t get John.

John Mayer may be begging for mercy from gal-pal Jennifer Aniston after revealing at an event on Tuesday that he’s gotten more-than-friendly with his fans.

“I might’ve hooked up with people, but as soon as I hooked up with them they weren’t fans anymore, so technically no,” he said during Z100’s Z Lounge With John Mayer held at NYC’s Spotlight Live. “Do you respect me for my honesty? The answer is: Yes I have. Not in a really long time. Not since the cameraphone. That cameraphone will get you, even if you’re sleeping. Your doughy frame all laying in a bed dead-like. I can’t deal with that. I’m not trusting enough to open up to anyone I don’t know very well anymore, which is good for my immune system.”

[From OK! Magazine]

Well at least he made it funny. But seriously, what is there not to understand? You date a bazillion different celebrities for about 1-3 months each. You admittedly hook up with fans. That’s why you have the reputation you have. It’s too bad that it overshadows John’s sense of humor. He’s not the funniest guy in the world or anything, but he’s reasonably witty and self-deprecating, something you don’t see from a lot of celebs. But if he wants some respect for his personal life, he’s either got to change his behavior or at least be more discreet about it.

Here’s John Mayer performing at the Brixton Academy in London on June 27th. Images thanks to WENN.

While John Mayer is generally considered to be a douchbagging cad, I do enjoy the way he teases the paparazzi. He doesn’t freak out at them or curse them like a lot of celebs, and he doesn’t desperately court them like Paris Hilton or a few others I won’t name. But he sure knows how to stay in the papers. My favorite was when he wore the Borat tankini and read a copy of Us Weekly. And later when he mounted a sunbather and massaged him.

Stuff like that makes me think I’d really like the guy if he weren’t constantly macking on anything with two legs and two nipples. That’s right, I said macking. I went there. Oh and nipples. But I try to write that at least three times a day.

John had some funny commentary at his concert last night in St. Louis. Both People and Us Weekly were in the audience, prompting Mayer to give them some good gossip. Just not the kind they were planning on.

“[Fans] send me links from PEOPLE,” he said, marveling at the coverage of his remarks the previous night when he – with Aniston in tow – joked about being the subject of Internet rumors. “That just tempts me to say things.” The audience at the Verizon Wireless Amphitheater in the St. Louis suburb of Maryland Heights roared its approval, but Mayer would not divulge any intimate details.

Instead, he playfully peppered his nearly two-hour concert with dubious confessions designed to feed those who were curious about his private life: He fears the color green. He weighed 400 pounds when he was 12. He wrote the lyrics to the Kenny Loggins hit “Danger Zone” – at age 9. And he was “33 percent done” with building a time machine.

“When I was a child I would kill small animals and wear their teeth as necklaces,” he deadpanned. “True. Print that. And I’ve always felt deep down that I was born a woman.”

[From People]

Okay that is the second time Kenny Loggins has been mentioned on Celebitchy in under a week. I think this means he’s making a comeback, Hall & Oates style. Or at least I’m rooting for one. That’s definitely my favorite piece of previously unknown – and 100% true – John Mayer gossip. Though that thing about fearing the color green – that’s probably because he saw pictures of himself in the Borat suit. That’d make me fear green too.

Here’s John Mayer performing at the Glastonbury Festival in Somerset, England on June 29th. I tried to get one without him making a weird face, but it’s pretty much impossible. Photographer: Nick Pickles; Images thanks to WENN.

I don’t really like jumping on the “Jennifer Aniston is so desperate/needy/pathetic/insecure” train. People seem to either love her or think she’s an absolute wreck, and apparently I’m one of only 12 people that are in between. All that said, everyone has moments of irrationality… and Jen had a pretty public one the other night. While backstage at boyfriend John Mayer’s Hard Rock Calling gig in London’s Hyde Park, Aniston spied Kimberly Stewart hanging out. Kim’s the daughter of Rod Stewart and is generally known for… um… hanging out.

According to the Mirror, Aniston ordered Kim banished from the backstage area – and Kim refused to listen.

John clearly has a bit of history with the model as all hell broke loose when clingy Jen spotted 28-year-old Kim backstage while John was warming up. Ever the gent, John tried to defuse the situation by getting his security to boot out Kim. And as the bouncers chased after Kim, Jen, 39, eyeballed her rival to warn her off John.

Our spy says: “Jennifer spotted Kimberly and asked John what she was doing there. John and Kim know each other from clubbing in LA, but Jennifer doesn’t want anyone around who reminds her that he used to be a player.”

But Kim wasn’t giving up without a fight… Ten minutes after being told to leave, she was on the side of the stage, waving at John and cheekily catching Jennifer’s eye while she was taking photos of her fella. We hear: “She had been told twice by security that she would be removed but she stood there bold as brass. Jennifer was on the opposite side of the stage and John felt like piggy-in-the-middle. He saw the tension and told his bouncers to get rid of her at all costs.

“Kim was pulled off the stage and escorted through the Hard Rock VIP tent with a face like thunder, shouting: ‘Why doesn’t he want me here? Is this because of her?’ “She totally embarrassed herself, but Jen looked relieved.”

[From the Mirror]

Wow. I don’t think anyone came out of that situation looking good. Aniston looks jealous and crazy, Stewart looks like a pathetic moron for sticking around until she was forced about by security, and Mayer looks whipped. Although frankly, that’s not really the worst situation for him to be in, considering the way he seems to use and go through women.

The whole thing about Jen not wanted to be “reminded” about what a player John used to be does cause a bit of worry. It makes it sound like she thinks she’s tamed him. I don’t think any woman should believe that about John Mayer. I swear to God if I’d been married to the guy for 60 years, I’d still be a little worried. Given his history, I understand Jen’s paranoia.

Here’s John Mayer performing live at ‘Hard Rock Calling’ in Hyde Park, London on June 28th. Gotta love that performing face. Photographer: Daniela D’Amato. Header photo of Jennifer at LAX airport on June 21st; Photographer: Craig Williams. Kimberly Stewart at the Glamour Women Of The Year Awards in London on June 3rd; Photographer: Vince Maher. Images thanks to WENN.

Jennifer Aniston has flown to the UK to be with her new boyfriend John Mayer while he’s on tour. Mayer performs in Birmingham tomorrow and has four more dates in the UK this week before he’s scheduled to start his US tour in July. Bang! showbiz reports that Aniston was seen arriving at Heathrow airport this morning.

Aniston, 39, has introduced Mayer, 30, to her former costar and best friend Courteney Cox and her husband, David Arquette. The two had dinner at Courteney and David’s house early this month and were also spotted out at a restaurant with them. Aniston and Mayer went public with their relationship at an event on June 12. They took a private jet to Mexico the next day and enjoyed a vacation at Joe Francis’ estate in Punta Mita.

Another sign that they’re getting serious is the fact that she supposedly introduced him to her dad, according to Star Magazine. Star also says that Aniston accidentally proposed to Mayer, so take this for what is is. They do have an actual date for the meeting, which makes it seem like it could be true:

Former Days of Our Lives star John Aniston, 74, suffered a heart attack in the summer of 2006 and “Jen worried about her dad and likes to check in,” a source explains. And during a June 1 visit, she brought her new man. “They had a pleasant time. They talked about music. Jen was happy with the results - she said her dad really liked John.”

[From Star Magazine, print edition, June 30, 2008]

And here’s the bs part where Jen proposed to John by mistake:

“Things have been going so amazingly well between Jen and John, she just feels like it’s right,” an insider reveals. “They’re already saying ‘I love you,’ to each other.”

And during a recent romantic stroll on the beach in Malibu, “the words ‘I want to marry you’ just tumbled out of Jen’s mouth,” the source adds! But the impromptu proposal was met with an uncomfortable silence. “Unfortunately for Jen,” the source explains, “John doesn’t share her desire to get married so quickly!”

[From Star Magazine, print edition, June 30, 2008]

I know that’s not true, but it’s such a good fake story that I couldn’t resist repeating it.

Jennifer Aniston is shown at LAX yesterday, thanks to WENN.