The Spears family seems to be moving forward in a mostly positive, healthy, normal manner – at least for them. According to several reports, Britney is leaving for her hometown of Kentwood, Louisiana later this week, to be with pregnant little sis Jamie Lynn. She may stay up to a month.

Hopefully Britney won’t be passing on any parenting techniques. Well, maybe a few she learned by trial and error: don’t drop the baby (especially when photographers are around); always use a car seat; don’t drive with a kid on your lap… you know, the kind of lessons most parents really have to just learn for themselves.

While Britney’s spending some quality time at home, her dad Jamie is selling her house. He got permission from the court yesterday – though presumably Britney’s okay with it too.

Earlier today, a Los Angeles court commissioner OK’d a request from Spears’ conservatorship asking for permission to put the property on the market. The court approval comes days after Spears was spotted looking at a $5.6 million, 7,300-square-foot house (above) in the L.A. suburb of Encino, closer to the home base of ex-husband Kevin Federline and the ex-couple’s sons, Sean Preston and Jayden James.

Spears has not exactly endeared herself to fellow denizens of the community, who have complained about the constant presence of paparazzi outside the gates. Some reports have blamed Spears as the reason neighbor Ed McMahon has not received a single offer on his $6.5 million house that’s facing foreclosure.

[From E! News]

It sounds like it’d be a good idea for Britney to get a fresh start. She’s made a lot of big improvements to her life; certainly moving closer to her sons would be another one. And if it helps Ed McMahon, who wouldn’t want to do it?

Britney’s conservatorship is slated to be extended or go to trial in early August. If all parties agree to extend it, nothing will happen, but if Britney doesn’t agree to her dad retaining legal control of her life, she has the right to a jury trial. Can you imagine the drama? Britney wasn’t in court yesterday – her lawyers said she was out of town, but didn’t specify where – but she and her lawyer will be going over her options in the next week.

The evil, gossipy part of me hopes she doesn’t agree to extend her conservatorship, just for the drama of a trial. The slightly more benevolent part of me hopes Britney agrees to keep everything moving forward. Little sister Jamie Lynn is expected to deliver her baby sometime near the end of the month. Hopefully all that family time will be good for everyone.

The Hogan family has been pretty assholeish (a word I just made up, and debated considerably about dropping or retaining the ‘e’) to the family of John Graziano, the man 17-year-old Nick Hogan made a vegetable for life after his drunken drag racing accident. Both Hulk and Linda have publicly blamed John for his condition, saying that he should have been wearing a seatbelt. Well, yeah he should, but it wouldn’t have been a big issue if their 17-year-old hadn’t been drunk and drag racing in the street. And didn’t crash into a palm tree.

Then last week Hulk went on Larry King and said the crash was God’s will – to make John a better person. Not surprisingly, these kind of statements have really riled up the Graziano family, and as a result, they’ve been threatening the Hogans. Oh boo freaking hoo.

Clearwater police are investigating threatening phone calls made by a member of John Graziano’s family to the family of Terry Bollea, also known as Hulk Hogan, according to Clearwater police spokesman Doug Matthews.

Matthews could not say which member of the Graziano family allegedly made the threats; nor could he say which member of the Bollea family received them.

Morris “Sandy” Weinberg, an attorney for Nick Bollea, 17, who is serving a jail sentence on a charge of reckless driving with serious driving bodily injury, confirmed that the police had listened to the threatening voicemails.

“Does the family take it seriously?” he asked. “Yes, they do.” No arrests have been made.

[From the St. Petersburg Times]

Well of course the Hogan family takes it seriously. When even minor bad stuff happens to them, it’s the end of the world. But they’re fine with supplying their minor son with alcohol, then letting him drive a suped up car. And anything that results from it is everyone else’s fault. But if someone dare to leave a threatening voice mail on their answering machine, there will be absolute hell to pay.

Get over yourselves Hogans. There is a special spot in hell for you. Until then, if every one of your days is twice as miserable as the Graziano family’s, you should considering yourselves really, really lucky.

One of the things I find eternally confusing about Hulk Hogan is how he manages to be holier-than-thou. That’s a pretty tough attitude to pull off, especially for someone who has sported a bleached-blond mustache for the last thirty years. Hulk went on Larry King to talk about his suck-ass family – specifically his worthless son Nick, whose drunken drag racing accident left passenger John Graziano a vegetable for life. Nick is currently serving an 8 month sentence in the Pinellas County Jail – and he’s done nothing but bitch and wine about it the whole time.

For whatever reason, Hulk thought it’d be a good idea to go on Larry King. I’m guessing the delusional dad thought he’d go on to clear the air and show everybody just how wrong they are. Unfortunately for Hulk, all he did was remind us of what an asshole he is. Now we know where Nick gets it.

Hulk Hogan almost broke down last night on “Larry King,” but his outrageous behavior over his derelict son’s criminal behavior was in full blossom.

For starters, Hulk said he felt Nick’s accident, which put friend John Graziano in a vegetative state, was God’s plan to make John a better person.

As for Larry…..no questions about Hulk going to Hooters after the sentencing, no questions about rubbing his daughter’s ass, no questions about Linda saying she was the real victim. Oh well.

[From TMZ]

Hulk also accused the media of being unfair to the family, saying he called it “Tabloid terrorism.” He looks pretty proud of himself for his alliteration, too. He claims that the public knows his “focus is on John,” and that the media has been unfairly harsh on Nick. Because anyone who doesn’t mollycoddle his kids like he does is obviously irrational.

The most annoying part of the holier-than-thou shit is that Hulk claims that he believes in God and God is clearly trying to teach Nick a lesson and make John Graziano a better person. The Hogans have often alluded to John being some sort of terrible person who was deserving of divine retribution. I’m pretty sure that every time they do that, a new level of Hell is created just for them.

Nothing has come out in the press indicating that John Graziano was anything other than a nice, normal guy – an Iraq war vet. John’s father pointed out that Nick Hogan managed to do to John what Iraq couldn’t – nearly killing him. Hopefully the Grazianos will be able to sue the Hogan’s for every penny they’ve got. I really wish there were a way to throw Hulk and Linda Hogan in jail for being such crap-ass parents and saying such horrible things since the crash. But since there isn’t, hopefully scrimping to make ends meet for the rest of their lives will teach them a little humility.

Speaking of which – Linda is trying to put Hulk in jail too.

Linda Hogan wants Hulk to spend time with Nick — behind bars. Linda is asking a judge to cite the Hulkster with contempt of court, because he allegedly didn’t ante up money for a $4.2 million Vegas condo, as required by the judge. Yes, the judge ordered Hulk to pay for a party pad. We love the law.

The condo was in escrow when the divorce was filed and the court order required both Hulk and Linda to close the deal and then put the asset in the community pot. Linda has put her share in but Hulk hasn’t.

And here’s the kicker. In the legal papers, Linda is asking the judge to throw Hulk’s ass in the Pinellas County Jail, where Hulk and Nick can sure scheme to hatch the post-pokey real-ality show. Dis and gusting.

[From TMZ]

Here’s a clip of Hulk on Larry King last night. Let the outrage begin.

It’s a big day in Nick Hogan’s universe - all of his wildest dreams are coming true! Actually, I’m guessing it’s a pretty big day for most of the inmates at Pinellas County Jail. That’s right, young Nick’s wish of being released into the general population has finally been granted. Nick was being held essentially in solitary confinement because at the young, vulnerable age of 17, he was the only minor in the otherwise adult population.

Hogan is also a minor celebrity in real life, which translates to major booty in jail life. You’d think if the guy had two brain cells to rub together, he’d want to stay in solitary for that exact reason. But apparently Nick’s conviction that he’s special and different and protected from everyone else makes him believe what happens to other famous young jailbird men won’t happen to him. Good luck.

Nick Hogan’s got himself some company. Two days after a judge denied his request to be transferred out of solitary confinement, Hulk Hogan’s son, who’s serving time for a DUI crash that seriously injured his friend, was moved into a communal cell after a routine assessment of the ever-in-flux jail population, according to a spokeswoman for the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office.

Hogan, whose real last name is Bollea, was cooling his heels in an isolated maximum-security cell because, at 17 years of age, he was considered too young to live among the jail’s general population.

Attorney Kevin Hayslett argued in a motion filed Friday that his client was undergoing “cruel and unusual punishment” that didn’t fit the crime by being housed in those conditions. He requested Hogan either be granted house arrest until his 18th birthday or at least moved out of the concrete block he’d been calling home to be with other nonviolent inmates.

A judge refused a transfer but, according to the jail rep, a spot for Hogan opened up following a review of current housing assignments. The teen is now sharing space with three other juvenile offenders.

[From E! News]

Something tells me getting locked in a tight space with three other dudes was not what Nick was hoping for when he had his lawyer make that request.

Nick will become an adult in jail, celebrating the big 18 on July 27. He’ll probably get some new adult roommates at that point. What a fun treat for him. Nothing says “Happy Birthday” like the fear of taking a shower or falling asleep.

Header Nick and sister Brooke in January 2007. Images thanks to WENN.

Well I think we all know whose side the Daily News is on in the Lohan family debate of which parents sucks more. Rush & Malloy calls Michael Lohan’s accusations against ex-wife Dina Lohan “heartbreaking,” and says that Michael has “reformed his life” after his stint in prison, and notes with attempted-kudos that Michael is now a counselor. All that said, it’s nearly impossible to pick who is the lesser of two evils between the nutball parents; the Daily News may have it right.

Michael is taking Dina back to court, saying she’s preventing him from seeing his two youngest kids, Ali, 14, and Cody, 11. He also alleges that Dina keeps him from his older children Lindsay and Michael Jr. – though both of them are over 18, so Dina can’t actually prevent them from seeing their dad, and the court can’t force them to. Michael says Dina’s shown up for therapy session drunk and hung-over, and has basically been a controlling bitch just for the sake of being one.

Dina Lohan had better show up in Family Court this morning in Old Westbury; she faces “immediate arrest and imprisonment” if she doesn’t.

In scathing court documents, Michael charges his ex-wife with drunkenness in the presence of the kids. He claims that Dina failed 15 of 29 times to bring the younger children to judge-ordered visits with him, supervised by a therapist. But on April 8, the father charges, Dina “arrived toward the end of the therapy session in a completely inebriated and erratic state.”

Dina had been “at the beauty parlor in anticipation of her impending trip to Las Vegas” for the show, Michael says in the heartbreaking papers, “and I attended the session with the children as scheduled. During the session, Ali requested that I watch her puppy while she was away, which I happily agreed to do. Ali called [Dina] to eagerly relay my consent. [Dina], clearly intoxicated, became irate. Without reason, she told Ali that I could not watch the puppy and that it had to stay in a kennel.”

[From the Daily News]

Michael also goes on to say that Dina sees herself as her daughters’ manager first, their friend second, and a mother last. And frankly, while I generally say Michael Lohan can blow what he has to say out his ass, he’s right in this case.

On April 15, Dina was “exhausted” as she sat in the waiting room with the children, Michael claims in the documents. “I later discovered that [her] exhaustion stemmed from the fact that she was hung over. She apparently had spent the prior evening binge-drinking at various nightclubs until the wee hours of the morning. … She was spotted completely inebriated.”

As Lindsay makes for more tabloid fodder with her relationship with Samantha Ronson, Michael accuses Dina of using the singer/actress - and now, Ali - for her own fame and fortune. “When it comes to our daughters, [Dina] has always viewed herself as a manager first, friend second, and mother third. Our younger daughter, Ali … has been cast in a movie and is recording an album. Dina, quite simply, views Ali as a bankable commodity.

[From the Daily News]

The article is obviously very biased towards Michael. It’s almost a challenge to be biased one way or the other, since both parents suck so badly. Michael is so holier-than-thou that you can’t take a thing he says seriously. And he seems to have no idea that he comes across so badly. Michael has a running blog on OK! Magazine’s website where he provides his opinion of the contents of Dina and Ali’s show Living Lohan. Speaking of holier-than-though, Michael mentions that he has doubts about the blog, but has decided to stick to his word.

I will however call it as I see it and speak from my heart, because “the truth”, (which in essence is God) is what matters and I don’t see a lot of it in this show.

[From OK! Magazine]

Michael goes on to criticize Living Lohan a bit, and then spends a good deal of the rest of his blog talking about how “by the grace of God” he saved an alcoholic and bought him new clothes and got him into a rehab facility. I’d be impressed, if Michael didn’t have to flout it. Maybe he could spend a little less time working on his superiority complex and telling everyone how to live their lives, and a little more time focusing on humility and being a real and present dad for his kids.

Here’s Dina and Michael Lohan as they reunite to make a statement outside Nassau County Family Court near New York. The pair pleaded with the press to allow them to resolve their family issues in private. Because we know how much they value their privacy. Images thanks to Splash.

Britney’s father’s conservatorship lasts until July 31 of this year. In a hearing yesterday, in which she was not present, her court-appointed attorney said that it’s best if she doesn’t get involved in the legal decisions regarding her affairs and implied that it could be detrimental to her mental health. The judge agreed and said that “her medical condition remains the same,” whatever that means:

Neither Brit nor her father Jamie Spears were present at Thursday’s hearing, although commissioner Goetz approved a request for Jamie to receive more money per week in order to continue caring for Britney.

The singer’s court-appointed attorney Sam Ingham told the court today he believed it was better that Britney not participate in the legal affairs of her person and estate, adding it “in fact could be harmful to her to participate.”

After reviewing her medical status, the commissioner agreed, saying, “Her medical condition remains the same. Though there have been changes in her medication, I think in terms of her diagnosis, it’s not complete.”

The commissioner will review Brit’s condition again on June 17. In the meantime, a trial is set for July 31 to determine whether to dissolve or extend the conservatorship.

[From OK! Magazine]

Is it in Britney’s best interest that these details be given to the press? I don’t understand all the legal implications in her case, and maybe a special ruling needs to be made to seal each hearing or something, but it seems like this is information that the public should not be privy to. It’s also just some lawyer and judge’s opinion and it’s not like they’re doctors. I just find it annoying that this information is out there and that it might somehow interfere with the progress she seems to be making. It seems like this type of news being published is could be just as detrimental to her mental health as having her get involved in the legal progress.

What a bummer it must be to start feeling better and then to have some lawyer you didn’t even hire say you’re still having trouble. She does need her dad’s guidance and control, but she could do without having the court’s decisions broadcast.

Britney is shown on 5/23/08 at Christian Audigier’s 50th birthday party, thanks to WENN.

The Cruise-Holmes at an LA Galaxy game with Suri and co. on 5/10/08, thanks to Splash
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes sent upscale baby boutique Petit Trésor a cease and desist letter asking them to no longer use their names in promotional materials or leak any alleged details of their shopping habits at the store to the press. The Holmes-Cruises took issue with an “on the record” quote from representatives of the store to Life & Style that they spent $350,000 to $400,000 there in the two years since Suri was born. Lawyers for the cult-loving couple say that claim is false and that it also violates their confidentiality. The letter demands that no further details be leaked to the press:

This firm represents Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. It has come to our attention that representatives of Petit Trésor falsely informed Life & Style - on the record - that Mr. Cruise and Ms. Holmes have spent $350,000 - $400,000 at your stores on their daughter in the past two years. Not only does this statement violate our clients’ confidentiality, but it is simply false. We also understand that you have informed other tabloids that our clients have purchased various items at your stores that they have not in fact purchased, and that they have shopped there at times that they have not.

It appears that Petit Trésor has “leaked” this false information to the tabloids for the purpose of enhancing its image and obtaining a commercial advantage. This conduct violates our clients’ rights of privacy and rights of publicity. Accordingly, we hereby request that you no longer use our clients as part of your public relations and marketing efforts.

Please do not say anything (whether true or false) about Mr. Cruise and Ms. Holmes’ shopping habits.

[Excerpt of letter sent to Petit Trésor from Cruise’s lawyers, posted on TMZ]

Although I hate to admit it, I have to side with the Holmes-Cruise Suri team on this one. How’s a girl to escape mind-numbing auditing sessions and hours spent holding metal cylinders if she can’t even shop in privacy for the toddler she fears losing? Stores should be content to have Katie and Tom spend tens to hundreds of thousands on clothing and accessories their child will wear for a fraction of a day in her well-documented life. Petit Trésor is just ruining it by getting greedy and trying to rope in more customers by using them for publicity. You think they would know better than to talk constantly about their celebrity customers, but maybe the resulting upturn in business more than makes up for the occasional nasty letter and one or two big-spending customers lost.

There are a million jokes going around about what scum lawyers are, which generally isn’t fair as I’m sure most lawyers are good people. Kevin Federline’s lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan, shows that he probably isn’t one of the good people.

Kaplan sat down with the Associated Press, and told them how pleased he was at the media scrutiny his case has been getting.

He doesn’t grumble about the television trucks and news reporters swarming the courthouse every time there’s a hearing, or the paparazzi who hound the pop princess every moment there isn’t. And he’s certainly not opposed to the TV reports, tabloids and Web sites that have documented every shred of the case that has consumed him for the past 18 months.

After all, the attention has saved his side some major cash.

“If I had to hire an investigator or investigators to provide me with the intelligence about what’s going on, where they are, how are they doing,” said Mark Vincent Kaplan, “it would be north of half a million to a million dollars … as opposed to buying People magazine for $3.95 on Thursday morning or going on TMZ.”

Are People and TMZ reliable sources? Will they be legitimate to use in court? I don’t think so. I don’t think any person who is looking to profit from pictures of Britney being crazy is going to be a good source to decide the future of her children.

As far Kevin Federline being the good guy in this whole case, the way that Kaplan explains it, it was a carefully engineered public relations exercise.

“I think when the media saw that here’s a guy who stepped up to the plate, not just because he had to but because he wanted to … I think they gained a respect for him and that really turned them around a lot,” Kaplan said. “The mission involved — wanting to change the wrongful impression that was generally perceived for my client — without the media being a willing participant, it would have been impossible.”

But just in case you think Kaplan might be some kind of bottom feeder, using Britney’s money (she’s paying most of the legal bills) and fame to drum up a notoriety that will lead to bog, profitable cases, don’t worry. He’s got sight of the big picture.

“The bottom line is you’ve got two kids … who don’t know and don’t care and should never have to care about who their parents are,” he said. “They just want to be safe and secure, nurtured and bonded with their parents just like any other kids. … That’s really what’s at the core of this just like any other case.”

It is in the end about who is best equipped to care for those two little boys, and even if Britney is the least competent person in America, her children still deserve to have a relationship with her. Even though Britney’s changing of legal teams and mental issues have slowed down this court case, I still get the general impression that Kaplan is dragging out the proceedings as long as possible.

Kaplan is obviously pretty pleased with himself and his career in the future as a result of this case. He tells that AP that ‘everyone’s coming and wanting to hire me’ and describes representing K-Fed as being an ‘opportunity’. He also adds that it’s made it easier to get a reservation at a restaurant.

Kaplan’s next big case is representing Robin Williams’ wife in their divorce.

Uma Thurman must be getting pretty sick of courtrooms. After testifying in the trial of her stalker last week, you’d think she’d want to keep away from anything having to do with the legal system for as long as possible. Unfortunately for Uma, she’s being countersued by French cosmetics company Lancome, and will probably spend a good deal of time continuing to deal with lawyers for the foreseeable future.

Uma sued Lancome for continuing to use her name and image after her contract with them expired. Instead of just saying “Oops, our bad,” Lancome said they didn’t knowingly use it. Which would still make you think the error is theirs. But instead of just owning up to it, they’re countersuing Thurman.

You don’t use Uma Thurman’s face without paying for it, as cosmetics giant Lancôme is discovering. Uma was the former face of the beauty company and reportedly wants $1 million for the alleged use of her picture in foreign ads after her contract expired in 2005. Lancôme is hitting back with a lawsuit, maintaining that it never “knowingly or intentionally” continued to use her pictures and looking to have a judge preemptively rule that the company didn’t wrongfully use her image.

However, Uma’s attorney, Burt Fields, counters, “Look at the huge free benefit Lancôme gets from using her. The French want to accept that benefit without paying for it. Obviously, the French have decided they won’t even try to resolve this amicably. So they have filed this sneak attack.” Lancôme’s lawyers do say they’re open to a settlement.

[From In Touch]

I think wherever Burt Fields says “the French” he really means Lancome. I’m assuming the guy isn’t actually accusing an entire nation of “sneak attacks” and not paying for stuff. I find the lawsuit a little confusing. It sounds like Lancome is admitting that Thurman’s image was used, they’re just saying they didn’t do it on purpose. So… they’re suing her WHY?

People reports that Uma’s picture was used on websites in Asia and some Canadian billboards. Lancome is arguing that third parties did it, so it’s not their fault. To me, that sounds like a nice defense in Uma Thurman’s lawsuit… but it still doesn’t explain the need to countersue her.

Here’s Uma with Arpad Busson at the 2008 Wings Worldquest Women of Discovery Awards Gala in New York City on March 5th. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Britney Spears showed up to court today, didn’t freak out, looked relatively normal and healthy, and managed to stay for all of the court proceedings. She was accompanied by her lawyer Blair Berk and both of her parents. Though the details are a little vague, it appears that Britney has won some “expanded” visitation rights with her sons. According to Us Weekly, she will have three days of supervised visitation each week. The Huffington Post picked up an article from the Associated Press that’s headlined, “Britney Spears Granted Overnight Visits With Her Kids,” – however the article itself never mentions any overnights, so we’re not sure if that’s accurate.

Britney Spears’ visitation rights to sons Sean Preston and Jayden James were expanded Tuesday following a custody hearing with ex-husband Kevin Federline. There was no change in custody, Federline’s attorney Mark Vincent Kaplan said at a press conference, but he said her time with her boys will be “more than it has been.” He would not elaborate. Spears will get three days supervised visitation a week and visitation on Mother’s Day, TMZ.com reported.

“The court made orders today, they were orders that the parties were able to mostly agree to,” Kaplan said. “It represent a cautious step moving forward.” Kaplan said the court was “pleased with the progress that seems to be occurring” with Spears daily. He called the court’s ruling “a step in the right direction. The children are doing great — that’s the key,” Kaplan said. “That’s what all of this is about.”

Court spokesman Allan Parachini also read a statement from Britney’s parents, Jamie and Lynne. “We are so pleased with Britney’s progress, and we are very appreciative of the court’s recognition of this progress,” they said in their statement.

[From Us Weekly]

All the media outlets reported that Britney, her parents, K-Fed, and all the lawyers smiled and gave positive reactions upon leaving the courthouse. Some noted that Britney seemed upset during a break in the court proceedings halfway through the day, and was seen holding her mother’s hand. Say whatever you want about her parents’ behavior raising her – they have definitely been there for her in the past few months. It’s scary to think where Britney might be right now if her father hadn’t stepped up as her conservator. It would have been nice if they’d done a better job earlier on, but at least they’re here now, and it seems like she really appreciates that.

It sounds as if everything is going well for Britney, and the court recognized all the positive changes she’s made. According to TMZ, her goal is to have a 50/50 custody split by August. If Britney keeps up the good work, that seems very attainable.

Here’s Britney arriving to court today. Images thanks to Splash.