Nicole Richie has signed up for a year and half alcohol education program, called SB 38, according to People.com. She was ordered to attend alcohol education as part of her DUI sentencing, for which she also received three years probation, a $2,048 fine, and four days in jail, which was cut down to just 82 minutes when she showed up to serve her time on August 24.

It sounds like Richie will have to commit a lot of time to the program. The website for SB38 says she’ll have to do interviews with a counselor twice a week as well as put in 52 hours of group counseling. That’s an entire year of weekly one-hour sessions. She’ll also have to attend 12 hours of alcohol education. I wonder if she’ll see those shocking videos of car accident victims.

Multiple Offender Drinking Driver Program (SB-38), sometimes known as the SB-38 program, (named after the sponsoring Senate Bill 38 legislation) is for people who have been convicted of Driving Under the Influence (DUI) of alcohol or drugs on more than one occasion within a 7 year period. The program is 18 months in length and consists of 52 hours of group counseling, bi-weekly face –to- face interviews and 12 hours of alcohol education. Attendance at 12 step meetings is encouraged.

Whether or not the offender is ordered to go through the program by the court, he or she must complete it in order to get their drivers’ license returned. All multiple offenders have their licenses suspended or revoked for a period of 2-5 years. They must complete this state licensed program before the DMV will re-issue their license.

[From Santa Barbara Council on Alcoholism & Drug Abuse website via People.com]

It sounds like Richie is just doing what she has to do to get her life back on track, something that Britney needs dire help with. She has sworn off all drugs, alcohol and cigarettes for the health of her baby and is even said to be planning a drug-free natural birth.

Meanwhile The National Enquirer reports that six months-pregnant Richie is having a boy, and that her fiance Joel Madden is ecstatic:

“It’s a boy!” gushed soon-to-be daddy Joel Madden as he and pregnant paramour Nicole Richie shopped at Seattle’s Bootyland, buying baby tees imprinted with up-against-the-wall icons David Bowie, the Ramones, and Che Guevara… “He looked genuinely over the moon,” said a shopper. “He’s a bit nervous about being a new dad, but ecstatic that it’s a boy!”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, Mike Walker’s column, October 1, 2007]

Well they have a 50/50 chance of being right. Back when Angelina was pregnant there were stories that she was having a boy, too.

Nicole Richie is shown out on 9/27. Thanks to WENN for these photos.

Joel Madden has pledged to marry Nicole Richie, his girlfriend who is five months pregnant with the couple’s baby. He told Ryan Seacrest on his radio show that they would get married, and that he was committed to Nicole:

“Obviously, marriage is in our future,” Madden told Ryan Seacrest on his KIIS-FM radio show Tuesday. “I don’t know when or where or how, but right now our priority is our family and is the baby.”

The singer added: “That’s all we’ve been thinking about. We are in love and are really happy.”

[From People.com]

A story last week had Nicole postponing the wedding until after the baby was born as she wanted to avoid the unnecessary stress. Nicole is said to be planning an all natural medication-free birth and seems to be acting in the best interest of her child. If only she could get an attitude adjustment.

It is possible that Madden was making such a public statement about his plans with Nicole due to the sensational new cover of Star this week. The cover features an old picture of Madden’s ex, Hilary Duff, on his lap. A forlorn-looking pregnant Nicole simpers on the cover and the headline reads “Joel CHEATING on pregnant Nicole… with Hilary?”

I thought Hilary Duff was dating a hot young hockey player and if there is some insider information about a potential meeting with Madden I bet they just ran into each other out somewhere and made awkward ex conversation. A paparazzo might have seen it at one of the clubs these young stars frequent and given the non-salacious details to the tabloids.

Meanwhile there’s a cute story in this week’s Enquirer about Joel busting his ass to get Nicole some ice cream when they were in NY:

In Madhattan [sic] spending a quiet evening in, pregnant Nicole Richie and Joel Madden vegged and watched TV - until Mommy-to-be suddenly moaned she had a powerful craving for caramel ice cream from fave La Maison du Chocholat in Rockefeller Plaza. After 20 minutes of resistance, Daddy-to-be surrendered and raced several blocks to the store - but it had just closed! Knowing Hell hath no fury like a pregnant dame jonse-ing for whatever, Joel banged on the door until an annoyed salewoman yelled through the glass: “We’re Closed!” Panic-stricken, Joel shouted back: “She’s pregnant - she’s craving caramel!” Suddenly softening, as members of The Sisterhood do when they hear baby talk, the woman took pity. Moments later - after telling her: “I will now have a little peace and quiet, thanks to you!” - Joel hotfooted back through the Big Apple streets.. just another lovestruck sap, a la “Guys and Dolls,” clutching his doll’s precious ice cream!

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, Mike Walker’s column, September 24, 2007]

Joel is not leaving Nicole anytime soon. The guy is making desperate ice cream runs for her and talking about getting married.

Last week’s Star Magazine had Joel and Nicole fighting over whether to live on the west or the east coast, with Joel wanting to live in NY while Nicole wanted to stay put in LA. Star must have it out for them, not that I wouldn’t mind seeing them flame out while Nicole ends up a single mom with all the help in the world.

Thanks to popbytes for the header image.

Nicole Richie has postponed her planned wedding to Joel Madden amid concerns that she is taking on too much before the birth of their baby. Joel’s twin brother Benji Monk is about to marry his fiance, Sophie Monk, and word is that Joel wanted to have the weddings close together. Nicole put a kibosh on those plans due to stress.

Nicole successfully completed her whopping 82 minutes in jail for her second DUI and should be relatively stress-free apart from the fact that she’s due to give birth in January. Still, she didn’t want to risk it by throwing a big wedding now. I bet she just didn’t want to look “fat” in her wedding dress:

25 year-old [Nicole Richie] is refusing to have any sort of ceremony until after she gives birth to their baby in January 2008. “Everything is getting too stressful for Nicole,” says a friend of the celebutante. “Having a baby is the most important thing right now, and she knows it. She’s emotionally and physically exhausted, and the thought of organizing a wedding it too overwhelming.”

[From Star Magazine, print edition, September 17, 2007]

The article also calls Nicole the “Yoko Ono” to her fiance’s band, Good Charlotte. She is said to be annoyed at the the groupies that surround her man and his bandmates and to nag him constantly about it. They quote a source who says “When Nicole is around the rest of the guys and their girlfriends, she is hard to deal with and not nice at all. This causes tension in the band that was never there before.”

Meanwhile there is a blurb this this week’s Enquirer that may explain why Paris Hilton was so quick to call Christina Aguilera “the most beautiful pregnant woman in the world.” They say that Nicole was deliberately cutting Paris off the guest list at her now-canned nuptuals because she was acting like a bitch as usual:

Paris Hilton [asked] “Is Joel Madden really the baby-daddy?” Clucked an insider: “Nicole says it’s the most insulting thing she’s ever heard - but even Paris has the nerve to ask the question!” How does Nicole respond? “With a salty eff-you.. then she cross them [Paris] off the list for her wedding!”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, Mike Walker’s column, September 17, 2007]

It’s a shame that bitchy back-biters like Nicole and Paris can’t be friends. They have so much in common.

I’m glad Nicole cancelled her wedding until after the birth of her baby. That way, we’ll be spared a lot of fluff news about her until January when she’s due.

Here is Nicole going to a fashion show at Bryant Park on 9/8. Thanks to Splash News for these pictures.

Paris Hilton has the sensitivity of a gnat. Though that’s pretty insulting to gnats. It’s hard to tell if she’s just a moron or if she was being a passive-aggressive bitch, but she announced to a big crowd at LAX this weekend that Christina Aguilera was pregnant, even though Aguilera has yet to announce this herself – and it’s obviously her news to give, not some random, talentless twit’s.

“Paris Hilton got on the microphone at a packed Las Vegas nightclub and lavished Christina Aguilera with praise – and in the process revealed a celebrity secret.

“‘Congratulations to the most beautiful pregnant woman in the world. You’re gorgeous,’ Hilton announced at about 2 a.m. Sunday at an Aguilera-hosted party at LAX Nightclub in the Luxor.

“Aguilera, who has never confirmed being pregnant despite a visible bump beneath her pink chiffon mini-dress, appeared temporarily shocked as she sat in her perch in the elevated VIP booth. She sank her head into the shoulder of husband Jordan Bratman as her friends looked stunned.

“But she quickly recovered, and the two looked at each other and laughed as the crowd – which included Adrien Grenier, Melanie Brown, Criss Angel and cast members from The Hills – erupted in applause. (Aguilera’s rep declined to comment).

“Hilton’s surprise announcement, coming after she earlier put her hand on Aguilera’s stomach and the pair giggled, was the highlight of the LAX party, one of many rocking Las Vegas on the weekend of the MTV Video Music Awards.”

[From People]

For about a million reasons, I’d like to find Paris Hilton alone in a dark alley. That sounds oddly sexual. I mean that in the “I’d like to beat you up and knock the two IQ points you have left out of your head” way. I’m sure Christina Aguilera didn’t want her pregnancy announced by the likes of Paris Hilton. That’s what high-paid exclusive interviews with In Touch are for. I can’t imagine why she’s waited so long to make the announcement, since she’s been showing for a while now. It sounds like Christina was pretty gracious about it. I would have found a beer bottle to toss at the microphone.

It also sounds like that was a dig at supposed “best friend” Nicole Richie, who is also pregnant. Publicly (and needlessly) calling someone else “‘most beautiful pregnant woman in the world,’” sounds like old-school catty, bitchy Paris at her best. She didn’t say “one of” the most beautiful or just that Christina looked great or any number of other ways that could have been phrased. Something tells me Paris’s name isn’t on the short list of possible godmothers for Richie’s upcoming bundle of joy.

Paris is shown at the VMAs last night.

We all say things that we live to regret. Like ‘Sure, it’s safe to put that in the microwave’.

So, Paris Hilton might be regretting this statement if she’s not up the duff next year.

“I wanna have like a family and a guy,” she tells (Joan) Collins, a lifelong family friend, in the Q&A. “Y’know, it just upsets me because I’m not anything like what people say about me, and this cartoon character that they’ve made of me is just completely false. It makes me mad that I’m such a good person and I’m treated like that by some people, I just don’t get it.”

Still, the 26-year-old isn’t letting the haters get her down—or get in the way of a good plan.

“I just started working out and it feels great,” she said. “It gives me so much energy. I want kids next year, so I’ve got to get my body ready.”

E! Online

Now, I’m sure Paris Hilton is clever enough, but I’ not sure she’s thought this through. Seriously, just because Nicole Richie is pregnant does not mean you should have a baby too. At least Nicole has a boyfriend, as opposed to being a single ex-jailbird, famous for having a sex tape. Paris, if you want a man by next year to make babies with, you had better start thinking like a mother-in-law! No mother is going to want her son procreating with you.

Hopefully Paris will be better at taking care of a baby then she is at taking care of her dogs. Remember when she put posters up trying to find her dog Tinkerbell, but it turned out she’d left it at her grandparents house? A mother-in-law would remember, Paris, and bring it up on every family occasion.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Paris is shown at the Play For Good Foundation Gala in Mallorca, Spain on 9/1/07. She is wearing two different outfits but the pictures are credited as the same event. Thanks to PRPhotos.

I think someone read Nicole Richie’s paperwork wrong – she was supposed to spend 90 hours - or thereabouts – in jail, not 90 minutes. I kid, I kid. Actually it was probably the impending kid that helped her get some leniency. The penal system really is amazing in this country, but given the guidelines, she actually did serve a standard sentence (at this particular lockup) and wasn’t given special treatment – theoretically. Richie served her brief time – which may or may not have included actually sitting in a cell – at the same jail as Paris Hilton, who got to know the cells a much better than Nicole. Everyone always says Nicole is trying to copy Paris, and if that’s true she’s taking it a little too far.

“Nicole Richie was released from jail Thursday after serving 82 minutes of a four-day sentence for driving under the influence of drugs. The reality show star, who checked into jail in this Los Angeles suburb at 3:15 p.m., was released at 4:37 p.m. ‘based on her sentence and federal guidelines,’ Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Deputy Maribel Rizo said without elaborating. When asked whether Richie, who is four months pregnant, spent her brief sentence in a jail cell, Rizo replied: ‘I have no further comment.’

“A call to Richie’s attorney, Shawn Chapman Holley, was not immediately returned Thursday. An e-mail message to her publicist Nicole Perna was not immediately answered. The brief jail stint took place at the county jail for women, the same place her ‘The Simple Life’ co-star Paris Hilton was housed for nearly three weeks after she was convicted of driving on a suspended license while on probation for an alcohol-related reckless driving case.

“Richie pleaded guilty in late July to a misdemeanor DUI charge in a deal with prosecutors that helped her avoid a potential year in jail on a second alcohol-related conviction. Her first conviction was in 2003, for driving under the influence of alcohol. Richie had the option of serving 90 hours either in county jail or at any city jail. She would have had to serve the full sentence in a city lockup.”

[From Forbes.com]

If nothing else, it’s good Nicole got her sentence over and done with. I’m sure being in jail while pregnant is always a challenge, but it’s got to be much worse the further along you are. I wonder if Nicole knew just how little time she’d do, or if her legal team was just hoping. They didn’t really offer any of that “overcrowding” spin they have with other stars, most famously with Michelle Rodriguez, who spent a comparatively longer four hours in lockup. It’s amazing to think that Nicole could have gotten up to a year, and instead served minutes. For a long time she was going to plead innocent and head to trial instead. Guess she made the right decision and really lucked out.

Picture note by JayBird: Header image from of Nicole showing off her bump on Wednesday. Image thanks to WENN.

Amid all the “Nicole Richie pregnancy scare!” stories in this week’s tabloids is a much more amusing story about the tiny pregnant do-nothing. Nicole Richie was said to have been seen at a Santa Monica drug store with six boxes of Rogaine for women in her cart.

Pregnant headed-to-jail-bird Nicole Richie spotted [sic] at a Santa Monica drugstore looking pasty/skeletal, which explains those vitamin bottles stacked high in her shopping cart - but what really raised scoop-snoopers’ eyebrows were half a dozen boxes of Women’s Rogaine hair regrowth treatments. Said My Spywitness: “Nicole’s hair was looking thin and stringy.”

[From The National Enquirer, Mike Walker’s column, August 20, 2007]

Nicole has looked like she’s having hair loss for some time, and she usually hides it decently with extensions. In the latest photos of her pregnant she looks much healthier with no-longer stick thin arms and some baby cleavage. Pregnancy usually results in hair and nail growth, so maybe she won’t need that Rogaine, or maybe she’ll attribute her pregnancy hair to the effects of the stuff.

I looked up the recommendations for Rogaine use by pregnant women and it’s not forbidden, it just “hasn’t been tested on pregnant women” according to the package insert. It’s probably not a big risk if they’re not advising against it. I know I was vain and dyed my hair when I was pregnant, so it might be a similar situation.

One thing that Nicole might find annoying after she has her little baby is the fact that women often lose their hair postpartum. It could have something to do with thyroid levels, but I know I had thinner hair after I had a baby and it took a few months before it was back to normal again.

Nicole Richie is not my favorite person. She seems like a class A bitch, especially given the way she treated Lauren Hastings after Lohan stole a bunch of clothes from the unsuspecting model. Interestingly enough, in the Vanity Fair story about star f’ers that we published earlier, quotes Richie’s boyfriend Joel Madden as saying “You can always tell how cool someone is by how they treat the people around them.” Hopefully he’ll be a good influence on rude-as-hell Richie, or maybe he’s just as much of a bullshitter as she is.

Here are new pictures of Nicole and Joel in Soho yesterday, thanks to WENN. Her newfound cleavage and baby bump are well hidden, unlike photos from late last week.

A new article in Vanity Fair features profiles and interviews with some of the guys made famous for dating the tabloid darlings - Paris, Nicole, Britney, Lohan and Mischa. Their small Hollywood circle of debauchery and wasted opportunity is frequently referred to as a high school clique, in which Paris serves as the unofficial head Heather.

Titled “I’m With Her,” the article isn’t about the celebrities’ boyfriends so much as a recap of the shenanigans that we’ve publicly witnessed in the last few event-filled months. Not much was news to me, but it was fun to read a somewhat scholarly take on the fast pace of gossip.

The author, Nancy Jo Sales, details the way that dating a star can skyrocket a guy to fame - with a cost. The guys become known for banging the stars and not for their own maybe-talent. We all know what people said about kept man crap-rapper K-Fed, but he did seem to deserve the jokes at his expense, and he’s recovered nicely now that Britney’s gone down the shitter.

Cisco Adler, Mischa Barton’s goofy looking big-balled ex, is interviewed and comes off as a rather level-headed guy who isn’t too affected by all the talk about him. He says that he didn’t date Mischa because she was famous, and that he was just awed by her beauty. Cisco tells a sweet story about how he used to look at Mischa when she woke up in the morning. He says that his relationship with Mischa was the first time he didn’t cheat on a girlfriend, and that it was all the external factors that go along with fame that broke them up. Cisco also uses the old “they’re young and it’s hard to deal with fame” excuse to explain LohitneyParis’ bad behavior. His ex, Mischa Barton, doesn’t seem to have followed suit, though:

“I’m not some serial star-dater,” he protests. “Mischa’s the most beautiful girl on the planet. Sometimes I would wake up and see her on the pillow next to me and be like, Oooh, there she is …

“It wasn’t us that broke us up, it was all the other shit…”

Cisco says, “Look, they’re young, these girls, and they’re thrown this bucket of shit, and it makes them act kind of weird. If they were all locked in a room together they’d come out the best of friends.”

“Really?” I ask.

“Well maybe,” he says, “if they lived.”

It isn’t easy being a boyfriend of one of these much-sought-after starlets, Cisco says. “There’s no privacy. We were literally running away from paparazzi. They would camp outside my house.” When he’d finally had enough, he ended it, he says. “My dog died of pet-food poisoning, I broke up with my girlfriend, and this picture of my balls turns up on the Internet—that was the cherry on top.” Or maybe cherries.

He wistfully admits he misses Mischa. “I used to be a horrible cheater; in this last relationship I didn’t cheat once, I changed. Sometimes I used to cheat and go back and make love with my girlfriend on the same day! I used to get off on that. I used to think I was so dope.”

[From VanityFair.com]

Other famous boyfriends interviewed include rockers Joel Madden and Pete Wentz, who didn’t acknowledge at the time (the interview was conducted a few months ago) that he was with Ashlee Simpson. He just repeated the claim that he doesn’t think anyone is fully heterosexual or homosexual, and said he was dating a woman and that she was famous.

The interview saves the most famous star-fucker for last, K-Fed. At that point he wasn’t the standout parent in his estranged relationship with Britney, and was just emerging as less of a douchebag. They repeat the story where K-Fed was at a party and asked his next baby-momma to step up. There’s not much original printed from his phone interview, just the fact that he asserts he’s a playa:

“My moms used to call me ‘the Womanizer’ when I was younger. That says it all,” an amiable Federline tells me on the phone from his home in L.A. “I love women. I mean, I love women, you know?”

Maybe K-Fed should talk to Pete Wentz, who has a legitimate music career and is not so quick to assert his heterosexuality. Not that there’s any connection between the two, it’s just kind of jr. high when guys talk about how much they like getting laid.

Interestingly enough none of Lohan’s exes are interviewed, although many of her hookups including Pink Taco CEO Harry Morton and British reality star Calum Best are mentioned. Morton enjoyed a lot of free publicity for his food chain from his very public dalliance with Lindsay. He seems to have got the hell out of there in time to keep his sanity too. That seems to be key to dating one of the three disgraces effectively.

Thanks for Vanity Fair for the header photo, taken by Lohan’s ex, director Brett Ratner, in his disco basement.

Paris Hilton has told People magazine that she’s super excited for Nicole Richie’s baby, and that “’I know she’s going to be the best mom ever.’” The two seem to have such an odd relationship: they’re sort of friends after not speaking for two years, but you rarely see them out together. Supposedly their rift was caused when Richie played Hilton’s sex tape to a bunch of their friends at a party. Paris seems to have the reputation as being the bigger idiot, but Nicole is supposedly a lot meaner. It’s really scary that’s she going to be a parent.

“’She’s really happy,’ Hilton, 26, told PEOPLE about her Simple Life costar at Wednesday’s Helio Ocean launch party in West Hollywood, to benefit Heal the Bay. ‘I just got off the phone with her. She’s so excited.’

”Adds the hotel heiress, ‘I know she’s going to be the best mom ever.’

”In a series of ABC interviews last week, Richie, 25, told Diane Sawyer that she is four months pregnant with musician boyfriend Joel Madden, 28.

”’They’re really in love,’ Hilton says of the expectant parents.

”Not that all is hearts and flowers for the mom-to-be.

”Due to serve four days in a L.A. County jail, for a second DUI conviction (she must put in her time before Sept. 28), Richie will likely be kept at Lynwood, Calif.’s Century Regional Detention Center – the same lockup where Hilton spent 23 days earlier this summer.”

[From People]

I’m pretty sure Paris Hilton’s definition of being a good mom is buying your daughter too many tiny dogs, lots of animal print clothing, and colored contacts. How in the world is Nicole Richie possibly going to be a good mom? She has alcohol and drug issues and an eating disorder, though she can argue about it all she wants. All three seem to be mostly unchecked. Maybe (and this is my innocent, naive thought for the day) being pregnant will make her take better care of herself. I know a few women who said they never ate better than when they were pregnant, so here’s hoping. I just keep thinking about watching her on the “Simple Life” and the way she would ask inappropriate questions to kids to make them squirm. And now she’s going to have one around 24/7. I really hope she hires a herd of nannies. One to take care of the kid, one to make sure it doesn’t pick up on Nicole’s bad habits, and one to keep Nicole away from the kid altogether.

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s Nicole at the Teen Vogue Young Hollywood Party this past September. Header image of Paris 4th Annual Night by the Ocean, to Celebrate Spinal Cord Injury Awareness on July 22. Images thanks to PR Photos.

The worst kept secret in Hollywood has been conformed. Nicole Richie is pregnant. She tells Diane Sawyer that yes, she is pregnant, “I’m almost four months.”

In the interview she adds this about her drunken driving conviction.

“I have a responsibility and it’s something that I did wrong, and if I could personally apologize to every single person who has lost a loved one from drunk driving, I would. Unfortunately, I can’t, but this is my way of paying my dues and taking responsibility and being an adult.”

She adds to OK! magazine.

“I was watching CNN about a month ago, and they happened to be talking about young people driving under the influence. They were flashing little kids (on the screen) who were killed by drunk drivers, and it broke my heart. It was a big wake-up call.”

All quotes taken from USA Today.

Well, she only had to get caught twice to work it out!! That jail sentence is a good idea, she might forget.

Nicole is looking really cute – maybe what Gwyneth says about pregnancy vitamins is true. Boyfriend Joel Madden appears with her for the interview, looking less cute.

In other pregnancy news, Christina Aguilera is finishing her world tour this week, after being given the all-clear by doctors. Still no word on her pregnancy from the singer, although her illness is being said than more than just a simple case of singing-impeding sniffles, she actually collapsed backstage. Two more nights, Chrissie, then a long haul flight back home, and you can put your feet up. And your swollen ankles.

Note by Celebitchy: Can I please gloat again for calling her pregnant back when I saw the “potbelly” pictures, before the Enquirer was even saying it?