Last night was the LA premiere of This Means War. Reese Witherspoon really, really needs this to be a hit film. Will you see it? I won’t. It just looks awful to me, but I suspect the film will do well. Anyway, Reese is really trying this sexy-bombshell image with yet another too-tight strapless dress. The cut of this Miu Miu dress reminds me of Reese’s Jessica Rabbit look at the Globes. We get it, Reese. You have boobs. Also: I hate her hair these days. She said she got bangs to cover up a forehead scar, and while I understand the idea behind it, the execution leaves something to be desired. The length of the bangs and the length of the rest of her hair, how forcibly “unkempt” it looks these days… it’s not my favorite thing.

And here’s Chelsea Handler at the premiere. Her dress is Elizabeth and James, and it’s not really that flattering on her. I don’t care for mullet dresses or horizontal stripes, though, so maybe that’s throwing me off. I love how busted Chelsea looks even when she’s TRYING.

Here’s Chris Pine. Meh. He’s boringly handsome.

And here’s Tom Hardy and his back-on girlfriend Charlotte Riley. Methinks Charlotte put the Hardy dong on lojack, you know? I would too. That man may have Alfalfa hair and a crazy-man beard, but he is FINE.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Reese Witherspoon covers the March issue of Glamour UK, all to promote her latest film, This Means War. That’s the one where we’re supposed to buy that Chris Pine and Tom Hardy are super-spies vying for Reese’s affection. The styling on this photo shoot is much more standard Reese, as opposed to how Elle Mag was trying to make her seem last month – like a Jennifer Aniston-style beachy ditz. Glamour UK made Reese look how she usually looks – pulled-together, dainty, lady-like, pretty. I prefer Reese like this, because I think this is close to how she really is. Anyway, here are some highlights from Reese’s interview:

Reese on plastic surgery: “I’m not for it. I’m not against it. I have plenty of friends who do stuff and if it makes you feel good, great … but I don’t think it’s the fix for some sort of unease that you’re having about who you are as a human being. I don’t think I need plastic surgery at this point: Can we just go day-by-day on that one?”

On body image (she has an underwear scene in the film): “‘I don’t worry about it. I have the body I earned: I had two kids and I’m still strong and healthy. And you start to have a different respect for your body the older you get. Instead of tearing yourself apart all the time, you start to go ‘Oh wow.’”

On being frugal: Although she recently splashed out on a black Valentino bag, she revealed she can’t bring herself to buy an expensive bag from The Row – Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen’s fashion label. She laments: “I have this fixation about this black leather The Row purse, but it’s so prohibitively expensive, I will not allow myself to buy it. I literally go to the store to visit it. Too much money – it feels decadent. I can’t wrap my brain around it. If I bought it, I’d only feel upset about it and take it back.” However, she justified her purchase of the Valentino bag, because “it’s super-plain and beautiful and just feels like something you’ll have forever.”

[From The Mail]

I’m sure Reese’s comments about plastic surgery will get lots of play, but I find them pretty boiler plate. I buy that she’s not getting tweaked, and I buy that she doesn’t judge (too much) when her friends get tweaked. Meh. What I find really interesting is the stuff about her frugality – do you think that’s for real? I’ll buy that Reese is the kind of woman (like me) who can talk herself out of buying something expensive even though she really wants it. But it feels like Reese is trying too hard to relate to “normal” women, right? That’s the aim of the story – “I live on a budget too, y’all!”

Glamour UK photos courtesy of The Mail.

Last night was the UK premiere of This Means War, that absolutely horrible-looking Reese Witherspoon vehicle which is just a rip-off of Mr. and Mrs. Smith (only in this one, the two spies are dudes and “the girl” is just a clumsy ditz!). Reese wore Louis Vuitton for the premiere, which… maybe on Cate Blanchett, I might kind of like this dress. But is it just me, or is this dress really unflattering on Reese’s figure? It makes her look really thick in the middle, and she’s NOT. It also makes her look like she’s hiding a boob job, which she very well may be hiding (new husband, new boobs?). Should I even say anything about the bangs (trauma)? I think Reese has a pretty heart-shaped face, and these scraggily, flat-ironed bangs don’t do much. I almost wish she had just kept the Jennifer Aniston-esque “beachy ditz” styling.

So unflattering. Why is she smiling like that? She’s going to bust something, she’s trying so hard.

Reese’s costars also walked the red carpet – here’s Chris Pine. This boy is handsome, but he does nothing for me. I think his attractive face seems kind of douchey.

But Tom Hardy was also there, and I need some alone time with these photos. JESUS. *fans self* Tom Hardy with a beard and a scarf? Who knew? He looks gorgeous. Unfortunately (or fortunately?), Tom seems to be back with his ex-fiancée, Charlotte Riley. They broke up a year ago (after Tom seemed to have gotten cozy with Lindsay Lohan!!!), but I guess they’re back on. She was at the premiere too, and they posed together briefly, but not exclusively. Don’t even get me started on her bow-covered dress.

Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet.

I have such mixed feelings about Reese Witherspoon’s appearance at the Golden Globes last night. She was there as a presenter, and her film This Means War comes out in a few weeks, so Reese is trying to promote the film in a big way. I respect that – Reese hustles like everyone else. More power to her. But… but… but… is this working? I noticed it in Reese’s recent Elle Magazine profile – she’s really trying to change up her image from “Type A, anal retentive good girl” to “beachy, sexy, ditzy bombshell.” There’s a disconnect, at least for me.

But let’s talk about the fashion and styling. Reese’s dress is Zac Posen, and although it looks okay in still photos, in motion, you could tell that Reese had poured herself into something that was much too tight. She was basically hopping down the carpet and taking little baby steps on the stage. The dress is interesting though – love a blonde in fire-engine red, and I don’t hate the detailing on her hips. The dress makes her look like a shiny red Corvette, right? So, on some level, I really like this and I think Reese looks beautiful in a new way. And her body looks AMAZING.

As for the hair – CB claimed that Reese was just doing “big, Southern hair.” NO SHE WASN’T!!! This is not Southern hair. This is big, teased up “beach hair”. It looks scraggily and overworked, like she was trying too hard to look bedheady. You know what this whole thing reminds me of? Reese is trying to become the next Jennifer Aniston. She’s trying to adopt that kind of image – more low-key, more fun, more beaches and smiles and girl-next-door sex appeal. The problem? Reese Witherspoon is an Oscar-winner with two kids. I don’t buy that she spends her spare time in Cabo drinking Mojitos. Reese isn’t that woman. But someone convinced her that the kind of woman she really is wasn’t selling. And that bothers me.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Reese Witherspoon covers the February issue of Elle Magazine, probably to promote that horrible-looking This Means War, in which Chris Pine and Tom Hardy play super-spies vying for Reese’s affection. I mean… really? Reese has a lot riding on this, I guess. She wants to be the queen of romantic-comedies. She wants to be America’s Favorite Sweetheart. She also wants to be seen as super-sexy, I think. Thus, the photo shoot doesn’t make her look like an ice-princess, which is how she’s usually styled. Nor is she “vamped” up, like she was in some photo shoots last year. This Reese is beachy and fun and casual-sexy. The whole shoot is very Jennifer Aniston-esque. I wonder if this about-face will work? Reese is selling her sex appeal hard in her interview too:

Reese on how she met her current husband, Jim Toth: It was when his boozy friend began hitting on her. “This really drunk guy was hitting on me, making such an idiot of himself, yelling at me. He was like [slurring, scowling, pointing finger in her face], ‘You don’t know me.’ And I was like, ‘Yeah, I know. I don’t know you!’ Jim came over and said, ‘Please excuse my friend. He’s just broken up with someone.’ And I remember thinking, his friend is such an ass, what a jerk. And that Jim was a really good friend, pulling him out of that situation.”

On her divorce from Ryan Phillippe: “It was awful. It was like I was having a delayed response to my divorce. All my adrenaline shock had held me over for nine or ten months, and then I collapsed under the weight of grieving. I have to be honest with you, I’m a totally different person now . . . I don’t think I realized how little I was living. I was so consumed with trying to hold it together.”

On her sexuality: “I do have to say, I like my body so much better after I had kids. Is that a crazy thing to say? I’m more womanly. I feel sexier. I’m more comfortable with my sexuality as I get older. When I was younger, I didn’t know why men were starting to look at me. Now I know why men are looking — and I’m cool with it.”

On This Means War: “I’m not saying it’s serious or important. It’s like Mr. and Mrs. Smith with dating.”

On making between $15-20 million per film: “I’m very lucky. Every time they call and talk to me about money, I get embarrassed about it. A couple of women finally made me feel better: ‘To get what you’re making, do you know how much money people are making off you?’ I’m like, ‘Oh, oh, okay.’ And I can give it away and support other people and give more people jobs in films that I believe in.”

A moment with Chelsea Handler: Because “[Reese] is one of the few people in this town who can actually get a movie made,” notes Handler, a close friend, who met the actress at Jennifer Aniston’s fortieth birthday party. Witherspoon, a producer on This Means War, formed Type A Films in 200 and has nine films in development, two of which are Southern movies written by Southern writers. “I’m having this Odysseus moment, where I want to return home. I want to touch the South more.”

Her girl friends: “All my best friends are moms. They understand if you say, ‘I have to go!’ You have to go because somebody’s probably eating glass or drinking something under the sink, right?”

[From Page Six, Elle print edition]

You know what ended up bothering me? It wasn’t all of the “sexy” stuff, which YES, totally feels forced and unnatural when it’s about Reese. Like, Reese is pretty. Reese is cute. Reese is a good girl. Reese is talented. But I’ll never buy that she’s some sexpot, or a vamp, or some easy-breezy, sexy beach girl. She’s an anal-retentive hardass. Own it, Reese. Anyway, what really bothered me was the fake “OMG, I don’t understand how much MONEY I make” part, especially when it was paired with the conversation about her production company. Reese understands money. She likes making an eight-figure paycheck, and she will fight tooth and nail to stay in the highest-earning bracket in Hollywood. By all accounts, she’s an efficient and organized producer. So why the fake humility about money? Is it because “sexy” girls aren’t supposed to care about how much money they make? Bulls–t.

Elle Magazine photos courtesy of The Fashion Spot.

It’s not like I want to see Reese Witherspoon’s vadge. I don’t. At all. And I certainly don’t want to see the outline of her vadge so many times that I could draw it from memory. But for some reason, that’s what’s happening. This is the second time in three weeks that Reese has stepped outside taken her cameltoe for a walk and gotten joyfully pap’d – go here to see the earlier photos. I think these are the same leggings too – so maybe that’s the issue? One pair of unflattering, too-tight-in-the-crotch leggings that Reese simply refuses to admit aren’t all that great or comfortable. I’m pretty sure she’s going commando in these leggings too – which disturbs me. It makes me think that Reese wants us to look at her cameltoe.

Maybe she’s promoting something with her cameltoe? Could be. Her new film, This Means War, is coming out in February which is probably not a good sign. I was thinking that “Oh, I bet they’ll release it for Valentine’s Day” - nope. It comes out days after Valentine’s Day, on the 17th. And just last week, Reese and Tom Hardy were doing reshoots too, which is also a bad sign, especially this close to the release date. Is Reese going to have another bomb on her hands? Could it be that all of this friendly cameltoe is part of a campaign to make Reese more relevant?

Here’s the new, just-released international trailer for This Means War. There’s not much difference between this one and the American trailer, only this one has less Chelsea Handler. Obviously, because no one gives a crap about Chelsea Handler outside of America, and it doesn’t seem like Chelsea is a particularly good “actress”.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Last night, there was a big gala honoring Clint Eastwood at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art – it was called the LACMA Art + Film Gala, and Gucci was the sponsor. Most of the girls in attendance wore Gucci, but not Reese Witherspoon, one of the biggest “names” in attendance. Reese wore this figure-hugging Cushnie et Ochs dress, which I do like. It’s a very pretty LBD, and it looks great on Reese’s body. I don’t know, though – it’s a little va-va-voom for Reese, though. I like that as she’s gotten older, her red carpet fashion seems to have simplified a great deal, and she definitely favors cleaner lines and more modern silhouettes, but it feels like she’s trying and failing to be seen as sexier too, right? She’s not Reese, The Girl Next Door anymore. Now she’s trying to be Reese, the Bombshell With Sex Appeal. Also, I don’t care for the gigantic hair bun.

Also at the event: Kate Bosworth, with her “life partner”-slash-boyfriend of a few months, Michael Polish. The Bos wore this pale yellow Erdem that… looks really good on her. The Bos really is a Fashion Girl, you know. She knows a lot about fashion, and she knows how to get dressed for a red carpet. Most of the time. Honestly, looking through the photos from the event, I thought The Bos was one of the best-dressed ladies there. This Erdem softens her, and I swear she’s put on a pound or two.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

I really didn’t expect the complete freakout over Reese Witherspoon’s python bag, and PETA’s public slamming of Reese for carrying a python and leather bag. Nor did I expect to be so soundly criticized for simply remarking that the bad was and is gorgeous (in my opinion) and I would love to own a purse that pretty. E’rybody FREAKED. Well, after PETA issued their fatwa against Reese for carrying the nearly $4000 Chloe python-and-leather bag, they’re now taking credit because Reese is apparently not going to use the bag anymore. What’s confusing is that I don’t think Reese promised anything or issued any kind of statement, she was just spotted out and about using another purse, this time a fabric purse.

Who wants to take Reese Witherspoon shopping for a new purse? At the insistence of PETA, the 35-year-old Oscar winner has hung up her Chloe purse for good. The python handbag, called the Paraty, retails for $3,820 on Net-a-Porter.

After Witherspoon was seen toting the bag around L.A., PETA sent her a video (ironically narrated by her Walk the Line costar Joaquin Phoenix) that highlighted the cruel methods used in the exotic-skins industry.

“We’ve long known Reese to be a kind person, so we’re pleased — and not surprised — that she is hanging up her python bag for good,” PETA told Gossip Cop in a statement.

“We hope Reese’s honest mistake will serve as a reminder for all of us to be extra-certain that what we’re buying is mock croc or fake snake.”

PETA later sent Witherspoon flowers after she vowed never to carry the purse again.

Where and how the Water for Elephants star got the Chloe bag remains a mystery: California banned the sale of snakeskin in 1970.

[From Us Weekly]

So, controversy over? I have a question: when PETA has a successful fatwa and someone agrees to stop using a python bag, or a fur coat, or leather or what have you, what happens to the product that is “discarded” by the celebrity? Like, what is Reese going to do with that python bag now? Is it just going to sit in her closet? Is she going to donate it somewhere? If she’s going to donate it, can she send it to me?

Photos courtesy of WENN & Fame.

Don’t make the same mistake I made, which was to simply stare at Reese Witherspoon’s gorgeous handbag and whisper, “I want to go there.” It’s a really great purse, right? Well, too bad. It’s a $4000 Chloe, and if you live in California, it’s against the law for you to buy this bag. For why? Because it’s made of python, and there are laws against that, and now PETA is super-pissed at Reese for owning such a beautiful and horrible bag:

As Elle Woods in Legally Blonde she was obsessed with her collection of handbags. But Reese Witherspoon’s most recent personal acquirement has landed her in hot water with animal rights groups, as she was spotted with a $4,000 python skin purse illegal in California.

While the Oscar-winning actress, 35, will not be in trouble with the law, she has been criticised for carrying the exclusive Chloe Paraty python and leather bag. The Walk The Line star could not have purchased the item in California, as it has been illegal to sell the material there since 1970.

A spokeswoman for animal rights charity PETA told the Mail: ‘No matter how much Reese paid for that bag, the animals paid a much higher price.

‘Every year, millions of snakes are impaled on hooks or nailed to trees by their heads and skinned alive. Hoses are inserted into the mouths of large snakes—like pythons—and their bodies are pumped full of water to loosen their skin so that it will cut away more easily. The animals’ peeled, writhing bodies are then discarded, and it often takes days for the animals to die from the effects of shock and dehydration.’

The spokeswoman also said the charity hopes it is a case of ignorance rather than malice on Reese’s part.

She said: ‘We can’t imagine that she’d wish to contribute to this hidden suffering, especially for something as frivolous as a fashion accessory that can be replicated with no bloodshed. These days, it’s easy to have a look that kills without killing, with fake snake, mock croc, python pleather, and other designer items that pay tribute to the beauty of these animals without massacring them.’

Ironically Reese has previously been voted the world’s sexiest vegetarian by animal rights group PETA.

The group has promised to send her an undercover video expose hosted by her Walk The Line co-star Joaquin Phoenix about the cruelty behind the exotic skins industry.

According to RadarOnline, under the California Penal Code Section 653o it is unlawful to import python into California for commercial purposes. This includes possession with intent to sell, or sell within the state. However, it is not illegal if someone purchases python elsewhere and brings it in.

The python Chloe bag is on sale online in black for an eye-watering $3,820, not including sales tax. Other celebrities criticised for having python skin bags include Kylie Minogue and Eva Longoria. The ethical hot potato has seen fashion houses such as Victoria’s Secret, H&M, Overstock.com, Cole Haan, and Nike sign PETA’s pledge promising never to sell exotic skins due to the cruelty.

[From The Mail]

I mean, sure. Poor snakes. Poor pythons. That’s rough. But g-ddamn, that’s a really beautiful bag. The problem with synthetic leathers and fake skins is that no one ever uses the synthetic stuff to make a bag this pretty. Show me a fake leather bag this pretty, and I’ll totally buy it. For now, though, I’m looking to see if I can get my hands on this one. Go ahead and yell at me! It’s gorgeous.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

A lot of you disagreed with me (vehemently) about how great Jennifer Aniston looked several nights ago at the Elle Magazine “Women In Hollywood” event. She wore this great silver-grey Kaufmanfranco dress that I STILL love, so eat it. I rarely get gushy about what Aniston wears, but I really did love this dress. However, I failed to mention why Aniston was there – she was being honored with some kind of award, and Reese Witherspoon was the one to “honor” her (photos of Aniston & Reese here). Reese got extremely gushy, and some parts of her speech were kind of uncomfortable:

“You just want to get your nails done with her, and you want to make out with her at the same time . . . at least I do! First we get our nails done, then we make out! It’s totally awesome. That’s because she’s MY friend, not yours!” Reese said.

She revealed how she first bonded with Jen, 42, when she made a guest appearance in Friends as her on-screen little sister back in 1999.

“I just had a baby [daughter Ava, now 12] and I could not stop watching Friends. I was super duper excited y’all! In all my enthusiasm, I completely forgot something crucial…I had never been on television in front of a live audience ever in my entire life. And I panicked! I totally froze! I couldn’t remember my lines and the writers were yelling … I just stood there absolutely completely frozen. Then Jen came to the rescue, asking ‘Hey, are you okay? You’re kind of freaking me out!’ [She said], ‘You’re going to make a mistake and you’re going to flip your line and whatever – and the audience is going to love it. Don’t try to be perfect, just try to be yourself’. That’s the story that sort of captured Jen the best for me. On one hand, she is this gorgeous breathtaking beauty that men lose their thought process and their speech patterns [over]. And, on the other hand, she is a woman who lets you in.”

[From The Mail]

So on a night about women getting empowered in Hollywood, Reese Witherspoon makes a “joke” about being a lesbian with Jennifer Aniston. Because that’s so hilarious. Also, Aniston‘s acting advice is “Don’t try to be perfect, just try to be yourself”? That speaks volumes.

In other Aniston news, she has a new interview:

Jennifer Aniston has attempted to shed her squeaky clean image by insisting she has a crude sense of humour and likes to swear regularly. The Hollywood actress, currently dating screenwriter Justin Theroux, told OK Magazine she’s not as well behaved as people make out.

The former ‘Friends’ star explained, “I’m not rude in front of people that I don’t know, but I tell a dirty joke now and then – I’m not squeaky clean”.

The actress also discussed her penchant for swearing, saying, “I would have to say f*ck is my favourite curse word. That’s a pretty good word”.

The actress, now 42, says she’s happier than ever and is learning to accept herself after a string of failed romances with the likes of Vince Vaughn and John Mayer saying, “I think getting older you get more comfortable in your body, in your skin, who you are. And you feel you have more of a ‘f*ck it’ attitude. I’ve learnt that none of it really matters as long as you’re enjoying yourself and having a really good time”.

[From Contact Music]

I don’t believe Aniston is squeaky clean. I believe she can tell a dirty joke and get hammered and smoke a bong and do some lines and that most of the time, she just cares about getting a refill and getting laid. It’s her fan base that thinks she’s the virginal good-girl who only wants true love and babies. It’s interesting that she’s trying to shake that image, right?

Photos courtesy of Fame and WENN.