This is just a brief very shocking palate cleanse from the Critics Choice fashion. It’s like someone smeared wasabi on your glass when you were expecting to taste a nice cabernet.

What would you do if you saw these people in person? Like, assume you’re not a gossip follower and you had no idea who they were. You would stare and think these people were in costume, or that you were looking at a hooker and her pimp – or at the very least an adult film star, right? I’m somewhat sorry for running these photos, I do feel a small amount of guilt about it, but I freaking cannot look away. They’re fascinating. Look at Courtney’s insane mound of fake frizzy yellow hair. Check out her tighter than tight, shorter than short dress with her plastic tits on prominent display. Look at her cartoonish makeup and freakishly big lips. Then look toward her daddy husband to the left, all decked out in black and looking like a creeper with that dippy gold necklace. These people are not real, they’re caricatures.

These photos are from the “Markus + Indrani Icons book launch party” in Beverly Hills last night. It was hosted by Carmen Electra, with proceeds to go to the Trevor Project, a very good cause. Our photo agency also had some pictures of Carmen there, and I ended up feeling sorry for her. She’s trying to hustle and still get hosting gigs, and she got overshadowed by an 18 year-old wannabe reality “star” and her washed-up 52 year-old husband. This new generation of “famous” people has me very concerned for humanity, but I’m still watching/staring. I can’t help it!

It looks like Carmen had something serious done to her face, doesn’t it? It’s hard to tell from these photos as they’re a little blurry. I think Courtney broke the camera. Here’s another recent photo of Carmen, from December. She looks way different to me than she used to. It could be worse. See above.

Photo credit: FameFlynet

Carmen Electra has released her first single from her second album. It’s a track called “Who Do You Think You Are?” off her album C-17, a name that means nothing to me. Is it an obscure reference to K-9, the classic Jim Belushi film that was on AMC yesterday? That’s my theory.

Anyway, I think Carmen’s current fiancé Rob Patterson (the one from Korn, not to be confused with Sparkles/Pattz) had something to do with it. It sounds a little like Korn at the beginning, and then Carmen’s singing/rapping/talking starts. And then Patterson comes in at one point. I’m just going to do some of my general thoughts about the single:

*Does this single start out with a guy singing “Ewww..oh…ew…oh…”?
*Did she just say “Jigga Man”?
*I love when people try to act “ghetto” and pronounce “back door” as “back doe”
*I miss Dave Navarro.
*It’s kind of catchy.
*It’s not as bad as it could be.

Carmen’s first album was released in 1993, back when she was Prince’s dancer/girlfriend/protégé. Remember that? I do. I was really into Prince back then. Remember when Prince was where it was at? When he was so f-cking awesome? I still know all the words to “Get Off”. Sigh.

You know who else I love? The Cure. And Jane’s Addiction. And Janet Jackson. Yes, I have eclectic musical tastes. But not eclectic enough to like this single.

Carmen Electra is shown on 7/9/09. Credit: WENN.com

While celebrities do a lot of stupid things to themselves to get attention, I’ll never understand deliberately making yourself less attractive – or even ugly, depending on your opinion – just for a few more paparazzi snaps. But that’s exactly how desperate Carmen Electra is. The former model/dancer/whatever had nothing left to get attention (after all, she’d already married Dennis Rodman), so she did the only logical thing she could – shave part of her head.

Half-shaved heads are the new black.

Former Baywatch babe Carmen Electra — known for her lengthy locks — is the latest celebrity C-lister to pull a chapter from the “Book of Cassie” and adopt the half-shaved head look as her own.

Carmen debuted her new haircut –which features sides of her head buzzed cut — during a night out on the town earlier this month.

[From PopCrunch]

I gotta say, I’m not into Carmen’s look. Cassie’s head shaving incident was pathetic because it was so desperate, but she did look sorta hot in a way. I think it only works if you’re otherwise perfect – and let’s be honest, few people, even celebs, are. And even then, it’s sort of a long shot. There are so many better ways to get some flash bulbs aimed at you. Go to the right restaurants, the cool clubs. Even if you get turned away, the damage is just to your ego and it’s fleeting. Shaving your head? I think Britney Spears can tell you: it takes over a year to look even semi-normal.

Here’s Carmen leaving the theater with her shaved head on June 7th. Images thanks to Pacific Coast News.

The company that brought us the Carmen Electra home pole dancing kit is seeking a partner to help launch a pole dancing version of Nintendo’s Wii.

“According to the report, Peekaboo Pole Dancing, the company behind the Carmen Electra home pole dancing kit, is looking to bring the new exercise to the makers of the game. The report speculates, “Pole dancing would certainly be an interesting fit for the Nintendo Wii, and it would be something to see how big of a pole they would actually ship with a game.”

[National Ledger]

It sounds like a total fabrication and the dream of 15 year old boys everywhere, but it could be a possibility. Carmen has several pole dancing, lap dancing and stripping instructional videos aimed at providing a work out and adding sexy skills for the bedroom. The possible stripper game will be rated and aimed for an adult audience that caters to both men and women.

Currently Peekaboo Pole Dancing is shopping for a partner to make the dream a reality. The company needs help to license the concept. While Peekaboo denied Electra’s involvement, it has not been completely ruled out. They sent out an email announcing the idea and mentioned a few of celebrities who own their portable poles to encourage hype. Kylie Minogue, the Pussycat Dolls and the Spice Girls were all mentioned.

I get the general idea. However I foresee a couple of problems. One – Wii games are aimed at all ages. I understand that adults can play, but the idea of seeing my dad swing around a pole in pasties on family game night is not appealing. Second a slew of lawsuits will begin as some knob uses the pole in a manner other than what it was intended for.

Note by Celebitchy: The Wii Fit comes out on May 21 and is priced at $89.99. You can anticipate a pole dancing Wii option being wildly popular, but it doesn’t seem like something the Nintendo people would want to put out considering the adult subject matter. If it does come out I know my husband and countless other husbands and boyfriends will be ordering one hoping to get the benefits, so maybe Nintendo will accept the controversy in exchange for the cash.

Here’s a video demonstrating the Peekaboo Pole Dancing Kit:

And here’s Carmen Electra doing a lap dance:

Carmen Electra is shown at Planet Hollywood on 4/26/08, thanks to PRPhotos.

Carmen Electra’s rep confirms that she’s engaged to guitarist Rob Patterson from the band Korn, according to People Magazine. Patterson, 37, is said to have proposed in Las Vegas over the weekend, where they were celebrating Electra’s 36th birthday. He gave her a black diamond engagement ring with white diamond accents.

It will be Electra’s third marriage and Patterson’s first. They’ve been dating less than a year, but Carmen has already tattooed Rob’s initials on her body. She has the letters R and P overlaid on each other in a script font behind her left ear.

When I looked up recent photos of Electra I thought that she might also have some baby news to go with this engagement story. It’s hard to tell though, and The National Enquirer says in their latest issue that she’s had a lot of plastic surgery recently, including replacing her saline breast implants with silicone, having lipo on her stomach, and transferring some of that fat to her face and butt for fillers. If she’s pregnant she would probably delay that type of work.

Carmen Electra and Rob Patterson are shown on 4/19/08 at her birthday party at Pure Nightclub. She is also seen on 2/7/08 at Fashion Week. Thanks to Splash News.

In 2003 Carmen Electra put out a 5 DVD set of aerobic stripping videos to help women get in shape at home while exciting their men. The Carmen Electra’s Aerobic Striptease Collection isn’t much of a workout, according to some reviewers on Amazon, but others find it sexy and motivating. She’s said to also be planning a line of home stripper poles for housewives to better practice their moves while keeping their husbands away from the strip clubs. It should quickly pay for itself in saved tips and drink costs.

An insider close to [Carmen Electra] says she’s close to signing a deal to endorse stripper poles for homes. “It’s something her people are looking into,” the insider says, adding that Carmen herself has a stripper pole in her house.

[From Life and Style, print edition, December 3, 2007]

Home stripper poles were recently popularized by Kim Kardashian’s precocious little 9-year-old sister, who creepily demonstrated her moves on their family’s new faux-reality show, using the pole in her parents’ bedroom.

Carmen Electra might need the money that comes with a new endorsement deal. She’s suing the Naked Women’s Wrestling League for not paying her $400,000 they owe her and using her name and likeness on their DVDs such as Operation Naked Storm and Tag Team Dream. She’s suing them for $3.3 million for damage to her branding. If only they would have paid her what they owed her, they could have saved a lot in attorney’s fees.

Carmen demonstrated her moves on The Tonight Show in March of 2006, laying on her back and spreading her legs wide to the delight of fellow guest Rob Schneider.

Here she is at the launch of Dr. Rey’s Shapewear on 10/15/07. I really don’t like her new hair, it looks greasy like that and the color doesn’t suit her. That raccoon eye makeup really confounds the problem. Thanks to PRPhotos for these pictures.

In Touch Weekly points out that Renee Zellwegger, Britney Spears, Nicole Kidman, and Carmen Electra are looking bustier lately. Their plastic surgeon renders the verdicts and speculation is that Renee and Carmen got implants while Britney’s bigger boobs are the result of her recent birth and Nicole’s can be chalked up to weight gain.

Thanks to Sammie’s Effluvia for scanning In Touch.

Carmen Electra has officially filed for divorce from Dave Navarro. The two were married for 2 years and 8 months.

Dave is now said to be dating former porn star Jenna Jameson.

Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro have been rumored to be on the outs since early March. They did PR damage control at the time, but they must not have done enough to save their relationship It is surprising that it took them so long to acknowledge it. Sources say that Carmen is never around Dave, and is travelling frequently without telling him where she’ll be or when she’ll be home. Their rep confirms the breakup:

Dave is said to be living with a new girlfriend he’s been seeing for five months, socialite Sarah Howard. She’s also a brunette and bears a slight resemblance to Carmen.

The MTV reality show now has a better record than The Bachelor and Bachelorette at breaking up couples. It seems starring in a reality series is the kiss of death for a relationship.

Us Weekly’s Hot Hollywood Awards were held Wednesday night. Jessica Alba had a near nip-slip that resulted in some cute picture of her pulling her dress strap up. (Wireimage did not capture this, so you’ll have to see it everywhere else.)

Despite Us Weekly’s content, stars were pleased to show up for the party.

We have over 50 pictures of the party arrivals, including Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jessica Alba, Alessandra Ambrosio, Brittany Murphy, Cindy Margolis, Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon, Ludacris, Harry Hamlin, Lisa Rinna, Haylie Duff, Jamie-Lynn Sigler, Paris Hilton, Victoria Silvstedt, Avril Lavigne, Carmen Electra, Dave Navarro, Michelle Trachtenberg, Rachael Leigh Cook, Nicky Hilton, Gabrielle Union, Kelly Osbourne, Kimberly Stewart, Stacy Keibler, Ryan Seacrest, Sofia Vergara, Taryn Manning, Maria Sharapova, Melinda Clarke, Tom Green with a fanny pack, and Tori Spelling.

Update: Images removed on request.